I really need help. I caught my husband cheating on me. I’m crushed and so embarrassed. I haven’t told anyone yet because of how ashamed and embarrassed I feel. I really want a divorce. But I’m a SAHM and I don’t have any money. I don’t have anywhere to go. I have no family near me. I’m also terrified of having to share my kids. My husband could care less if we stay together or not, he’s just not filing. I have a 2 year old and I’m pregnant and I have my dog that I could never leave behind. What do I do?? I don’t even know where to begin. 
part of me feels like I have to stay because if I don’t I’ll have to share custody and the thought of that kills me.
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does he physically abuse you,yell in front of the kids ?if so u have to leave hi. that’s not a healthy environment, Can you deal with him cheating? Mae a pro and con list, He will have to pay child support, so you will have some money and you always apply for help…prayers
Leave him as soon as you can
He may be a bad husband but that doesn’t mean take the kids from him unless he is a danger to them cause they need both parents. Make him leave and keep the house, file for primary custody and child support asap and if you have proof of his affair and you’re in a state that does alimony then go for that as well when you file for divorce.
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Apply for help if that’s what it takes to get out the door. Talk to the county you are in to see what your first steps should be.
If he doesn’t care about you then theres no point trying to stay and make it work. If he was sorry and cared then I would say give it a chance but if not then you need to apply for section 8 and food stamps after you file for your separation. It may take time but there’s no reason you cant make it on your own
Move to where you have family!!! You can do this momma!!! It’s def what’s best for you and your baby!! There’s no law that says you have tp stay where you are. Have courage! My mother didn’t leave my abusive, alcoholic step dad and i still, at age 48, resent her for it. Haven’t talked to her in about 30 years.
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Contact a divorce lawyer with a free consultation or see if you can find one pro Bono(free)
Why stay if the love isn’t there.
Take some of yals money to the side safe as much as u can & leave. You’re entitled to have some financial support. Also start applying for any kind of assistance then do what u need to, to be happy. Know your self worth! God bless you stay strong and have faith!
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Move back with family until you get on your feet. You deserve better
You can come to a mutual agreement and have it notarized and filed at court which will make it a legal document. Shared parental responsibility on your own terms, if he’s willing to do it without a fight. You could legally separate until you have the money to divorce. It won’t be easy but whatever is best for the children. Good luck!
You can get Alimony especially if you can prove he is cheating in most states…as well as child support…make him leave the home, file for primary custody…
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Dont move back home. Kick him out. He stepped out he can get out. (I personally wouldn’t kick him out until I had hard proof in my hands) than file for divorce child support and alimony. Make your lawyer sue him to pay all legal fees. He did this. Stay strong. And as long as hes not a shity dad dont take the babies. If he doesnt want them hell show you. But they need a daddy
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Sharing the kids is part of life unless there is a better reason not too …just because he cheated dont make a reason to keep the kids from him people get divorced all the time … yes it hurts at first not having the kids around all the time but you will find that when they are with him you can get things done that you have been wanting to do that you put off because you have things to do that the kids need done first but you will adjust … if he is good with the kids then he has the right to be with them just as much as you do
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If he cheated and you caught him, so its not some unconfirmed suspicion you ahould relocate where you have family until you secure an job/income/stabilize. That is a legitimate reason to remove the child/yourself temporarily. Courts frown upon for an insignificant reason but he won’t be winning sympathy given his choices. To those saying he could be a good father- a good father doesn’t treat his children’s mother like garbage. Move.
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Depending on which state, u can get full custody or majority n it will help u more if u file n u can get alimony cause he cheated n admitted it to u etc. U can actually get a lot from him right now cause of what he did.
If I were u I would go talk to a lawyer n find everything it
They are HIS children too. Unless he has shown some dangerous tendencies, you are going to have to “share them” for the rest of their lives.
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Sit down and think about if you could forgive him for cheating, if no, file for divorce. Talk to him and see if he want to make the marriage work. If you do leave, apply for state assistance ASAP. Also, just because he cheated, doesn’t mean he is a bad father. It’s awful what he did, but that doesn’t mean he should have his kids taken away forever. Try to coparent like mature adults. Both of you need to put your personal feelings aside and do what’s best for the kids.
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The first step is the hardest. Meet with a divorce lawyer for a free consult and form a plan.
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The reality is… You will have to share your children as they are also his children and have nothing to do with your adult situations. You didn’t say he was a bad dad. So why are you so reluctant to want him in your children’s lives? Will your children benefit from not having a father? No. So do what’s best for your kids and realize after your pregnancy you will probably have to be a working single mother. Do not depend on financial support from him or anyone else. Do what you have to do. It can be done. But don’t be that bitter woman who keeps her kids from their father just cuz he broke your heart.
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Don’t make any decisions while your hormones are raging and you’re in your feelings.
The thought of staying with someone who is not honorable and honest with me would kill me more than leaving that person I couldn’t even do that!
Girl file get your alimony and child support
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I’m so sorry. I would start putting a little money aside as you can. You could kick him out of the house. Or, tell him you’re going to visit family and just don’t go back. There’s no way around sharing the children unless he’s a danger to them or if he doesn’t care to take them for visitation. Good luck.
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Get proof, kick him out, go to court
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You are doomed to a life of hell if you stay with this person. You just need to stop making excuses and start making a plan. Figure out a way to leave and do it. Things may be hard for you for a bit but ultimately you will be happier and healthier.
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You have to share your children end of they are not just your children including the baby you are pregnant with you chose to lay down with him! Even though he’s a cheating scum bag you can’t take his children away from him you can do it on your own you will experience every emotion going ATM 
and it will be hard but I did it on my own at 17! Now I have a lovely home and two beautiful children x
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I hate to say this but even if you choose to forgive him this will happen again it sounds like he really doesn’t care about your marriage at all so eventually you’re going to get divorce one way or another whether it’s because he leaves on his own accord or if it’s you deciding to go ahead and put your foot down now and when this happens you’re going to have to share the kids I know it’s scary I know it’s horrible I’ve been through it myself but unless he has shown himself to be dangerous you don’t really have a choice now what you can do is file to have primary custody and just let him have weekend visitation and with him cheating you have more ground to stand on especially if you have proof I know it’s still scary to let him even have weekends but it’s better to go ahead and leave now then leave your children in a toxic environment if you can file now on your own you could possibly end up with everything if you can get proof of what he’s done you deserve better than this and your children deserve better than this the kids may not know exactly what happened because they’re too young but they’re going to pick up on the animosity between you and the loss of love between you and that’s going to destroy them it’s much better for them if you are separated and divorced then to live in this environment I had to find that out the hard way now that I see what I have done to my children by staying in relationships I should have never stayed in I wish I could take all of it back I thought I was doing it for my kids but really I was doing it because I was scared to be alone and now my kids have all kinds of emotional problems because of my screw-ups you don’t know how much that kills me and makes me hate myself even more than the relationships themselves did
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WTF Ur terrified to Share HIS Kids with him??? WHY??? U didn’t mind Sharing Y’all’s bed with him!!! Get used to be it Sharing / CO Parenting is all a part of being a good parent… They R Ur kids BUT they R also his kid’s… And it is a true Fact that parents that remain friends & get a long tend to RAISE Happy well Adjusted kids. FACT
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Get a job and be on your own. You’ll have to get over the sharing your kids part cause most divorced parents have to share their kids with each other.
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U can still get full custody. When i was young my mom was granted full custody, he still had visitation and had to pay child support…
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Depending on the state they WILL NOT let you divorce while pregnant
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He is a piece of shit for cheating but you BOTH made children so you BOTH share children.
It’s not your children’s fault any of this is happening. Don’t be one of those mother’s!
There is assistance, just go apply. Once a cheater always a cheater. You’ll get fed up soon enough, just a matter of when. Might as well start doing your research now, for when you decide enough is enough.
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Fight full custody, get child support get job as a babysitter or something requires you too be home with babies while get life in order…
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Sad part is you’ll be sharing your kids. But as for being a sahm not sure what state you’re in but you gave up your life to raise your all’s family get his cheating ass for alimony, start looking for a job and saving up. 
Worse case scenario you’ll either share custody or share a house. Which is worse honestly?
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Just because he is a bad husband doesn’t mean he is a bad father . Idk if it’s more to the story of why you are scared for him to get the children but it’s ok to share custody. They are both of y’all kids . I would just worry about moving out and being happy .
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Shelter. Than lawyer and see about leaving. He doesn’t honor or respect you.
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One of the many downfalls of being a stay at home mom! You get trapped
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Most states do not allow you to finalize a divorce while pregnant, but you are allowed to start the process. In most cases of divorce the wife can usually get the house you currently live in, or it can be decreed that the marital house be sold and the assests from the sale be divided as stated in the divorce papers. Alimony depends on how long your state requires you to be married. My mother just divorced my father after 40 years after she caught him cheating. In Florida if you are married 15 years or longer you are entitled to alimony. It was also in her divorce papers that the house they had in Florida be sold and split 60/40 in favor of my mom. The reason for that type of split was 16 years ago my mom had caught my dad cheating before and they decided to work the marriage out and my dad signed papers back then if it ever happened again that’s what would happen. She also gets part of my dad’s 401k when he retires as well as parts of his other retirement packages from work. But I don’t know if that’s because of the agreement that was signed 16 years ago after the first incident. I would definitely speak with a lawyer to determine what laws your state has regarding divorce and what you may be entitled to. My mom and emails 16 years ago as proof of my dad cheating the first time. The second time it was texts.
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Terrified of having to share your kids? Cheating doesn’t mean he can’t parent like he did when he wasn’t cheating. And you don’t get to use your kids against him for that, either.
Get a job. Move forward with life. Be independent.
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I always find it funny how a woman is cool with a dad being a dad, until he does something she doesn’t like, or he fucks up making a bad choice (like cheating)
Your awful relationship doesn’t mean his ability to father is awful. And him cheating doesn’t make him a bad father, just a bad husband/partner.
Got proof? Spousal his ass n keep the house! It’s what he deserves for doing you dirty 
Well if your married don’t you have access to his accounts ? If so clean it out , go get a place and file . Abuse is abuse , there places that will help you !
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You’re sharing regardless 
stop being petty about the kids just because he did YOU bogus 
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You all need to calm down. She is pregnant and hormonal she never said anything about keeping his kids from him she said she is terrified of sharing them. Meaning she hates the idea of not having her babies with her. This is all new to her. I remember feeling the same way but I never kept my son from his father. It hurts. And she is entitled to her feelings.
OP - You will be okay. Deep breaths. You are entitled to all of your feelings. Look into local resources there is always somewhere to go. Good luck mama <3 you can do this.
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Maybe an open marriage? That way you get what you want too. Just have to lay down ground rules.
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Him being a bad husband doesnt make him a bad father in the courts eyes. Everyone saying full custody…it doesnt happen like that unless she could prove beyond reasonable doubt (and yes I’ve been there done that) that it’s in the best interest of the child to stay with mom full time and only be granted visits with dad.
It’s part of coparenting.
Dont stay with someone and be a doormat. Get on your feet. Go to a shelter if need be. Stay with a relative. Hell, kick him out. But file.
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Share custody or raise your children in a unhappy home where they grow up watching all this unfold and be their “normal” (no thanks) or he continues and you allow it until he either falls for someone who wants him to leave you, so he files or he gets her pregnant and it all unfolds the same way! Find a way, reach out to an attorney or your community but prepare to go!
THEY DONT CHANGE!
You may be a SAHM but honey if you havent worked, depending on state their is spousal support on top of child support, also anything your names on is at the least half yours!
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Could you please reach out to the OP and give her this Runaway Husbands Community
This is a group for women who’s husbands ghost them to be with an affair partner, leaving behind financial disaster; children; they’re often guys having midlife crisis but not always, many like myself were SAHM with small children and I think this community has a wealth of support and knowledge on how to advise her, her man may not have walked out physically yet… but she will need to know what to do when/if he does
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Some of you guys are so damn dense. She’s not saying she’s keeping the kids from him or even wanting to, she just doesn’t want to go through having to split time up between them and the kids. Who would? That means she gets less time with them. It would be very difficult to go from being a sahm to sending your kids to your ex for half the time. Some of you really need to focus on reading what they actually wrote instead of just jumping on someone. It’s on almost every post and absolutely ridiculous. Imagine how you’re making people feel when you do that!
It doesnt matter if he cheated on you, is he a good dad? If he is a good dad then stfu about the split custody and be glad he would even do split custody. Go stay with a family member friend, stay at that house and get a job for a little bit. You can still live there and not have to deal with him.
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You can getva divorce… There are free legal places to help you file yourself . get out while you can. You’re literally risking your life…who knows what he could catch from her…then your kid has zero parents…it’s like you’re sleeping with her too. Get out of there!
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I’m so sorry. It’s a bad position to be put in, especially when pregnant.
Can you go to your family? I know they are not near you but if they’re told about what’s going on, the could help you.
Call them. I know if my daughter was stuck with this POS, I would do anything to get her home.
You say he doesnt care about you and he proved that.
Worry about your child and pregnancy for now. You’ll figure the rest out eventually. Many mom’s have been in your exact situation and have ended up more happy than you could imagine.
Dont be embarrassed either. Tell the people that can help you.
Good luck.
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What would you tell your daughter do?
Stay bc leaving is hard?
You see every lawyer in your area that offers a free consult and get advice. Then you make a plan for your future.
Your kids will learn how to stand up for themselves by watching you.
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Well technically it’s her money to in the eyes of the law
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Dig deep. You are stronger than you think. Think it through.
Get some legal advise.
Trust me…
Karma will find him…
You can do it!
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Don’t stay because it’s harder to leave. You will have to start over and go through a lot of hardening things, but it will get better. Do not let him break you anymore than he already has and don’t let him take your happiness away for the rest of your life. Prayers for you girl 
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2 options that involve leaving. 1. Call your local womens shelter they will help you leave and guide you on where to go for anything else you need. Theyre very knowledgeable and helpful. 2. File for divorce and emergency housing and custody. The local human resource office can guide you to where to go and where to look for things you need. Good luck
I am so sorry. There should be a local shelter that can help but they usually encourage you to find a job. How far away is family? Can you move in with a family member?
I was in a similar situation. I stayed much longer than I should have because of fear. In the end I read an article that stated the damage done to kids who have parents staying for them. It’s bad. I filed for divorce 12 years ago and it has been really great for all of us! I know you are scared to share but it does get easier. You need to leave for yourself and your children. You are braver and stronger than you think
I was a single mother for a decade because I would rather be alone than to be with somebody who cheats, lies, and disrespects me. I am now happily married to a man who would never even think of breaking my heart. You get what you put up with. When you decide that you and your children’s happiness is more important than being ‘taken care of’ you will leave and find your own happiness
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First off, he should feel ashamed and embarrassed not you. You did nothing wrong. Kick HIM out. He is the one that stepped out of your marriage. Hit him up for child support and spouse support. You may have to share custody, but you can set it up to where he only gets them every other weekend. If your children want to see him more, set up a visitation schedule. You may not like the sharing part, but that should not stop you. You don’t want your kids to learn that behavior like his is simply not okay.
You are in a sticky situation, but life is full of them. Just make sure you handle it with grace. Also, as hard as it will be, don’t complain about, or put down their dad no matter how angry (and you will be) you are with him. It will only make you look bad. You definitely don’t want that.
Also, you can file, but set it up to where he has to pay for it. Trust me on this one, you should file.
I know this is hard, but this too shall pass! Be strong. It is going to be a bumpy road.
Good luck sweetie. I hope all works out for you.
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First off, get a job and start saving like yesterday. File. Step by step.
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Get a divorce and make the Bastard pay. You will be so much better off than staying with a man that does not love you. He will continue taking advantage of you.
If you have proof of him cheating, keep it and get a lawyer. Don’t do a no fault divorce. Its his fault, get what is yours $$.
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Welcome to my world… go to counseling
Go to a good therapist to have a safe and professional place to sort things out. See a family court lawyer for legal advice. It does not mean you are filing, just getting information. Information is power. Stay as calm as you can and get PROFESSIONAL feedback. The best of luck to you. Remember you are stronger than you think.
If you have proof of him cheating you could get a good amount of alimony in the end. You’ll get to keep the house and all. Dont just stay to stay cause you’re scared. You need to come up with a plan and put it to play. Especially if you have family that can help.
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You have nothing to be ashamed or embarassed about, you did nothing wrong ,thats on your husband…If it was me I would walk away and never look back.
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Sometimes men think just because you have children together that they can treat you however they want and do whatever they want, it seems this man does not appreciate you especially because you are a sahm, start setting up your things & looking for a place to leave too with your children, then gather EVIDENCE OF INFIDELITY for lawyer & serve divorce papers. Its going to be hard but think about your children & what they will go through seeing their mother treated like that. Shared custody is not hard, just keep it civil. If you don’t have the money slowly get it toghether & look for employment. Personally cheating is the last straw, if he really loved you he would NEVER no matter how upset. Goodluck I know you can get through it 
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First off, you should not feel ashamed or embarrassed. You did absolutely nothing wrong. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. Men cheat because they’re insecure and they need their egos fed. I’m not sure if your 2 year old is a boy or girl but if you have a daughter would you want her to think that it’s okay to be treated this way? If you have a son would you want him to learn it’s okay to treat women the way your husband is treating you? Children learn what’s acceptable by watching us. You have to be strong for them and you. You deserve better, they deserve better. Get online and look for resources in your area. Talk to someone to find out what your options are. You may be able to find assistance through your pregnancy and after the baby is born find a job but whatever you do please don’t stay and allow him to continue belittling you and making you unhappy. Remember you deserve to be happy and no one deserves to be treated the way he is treating you.
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Try to apply for low income apartments or housing in your area if possible and tell him you want to start working . I know you dont want to share but maybe if you guys end it in a healthy way he will help with alternating the kids for work shifts so you wont have to pay a bunch to childcare. I did it. I was homeless for a bit, had a 1 year old and was pregnant when me and my bf split. I was 19… I went to a mom Christian group and they helped me with places to stay until I got on my feet. I had to work pregnant as well… and was still going to school cuz I dropped out of high school orginally. If I can do it, so can you. It may seem scary but you will get through it
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Whatever you do, stop doing for him immediately, until you can get out of there. Don’t cook for him, make for you and the kids. Don’t wash his laundry. Don’t have sex with him. Nothing!! Above all. Don’t let him see you cry. Make him think he isn’t shit since he’s treating you like shit. I’d be walking around acting like he died. 
You’re dead to me:joy:
U don’t want to leave than u make the dam baster leave he dosent leave than make his life a misable hell like he did yours he’s lucky he’s not my guy
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Make a plan! Get a job , save money and move out !!
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Stay. Let his dumbass support you. Keep the peace for your family and have your own lover and personal life. You will figure it out. F him. You got this mama
i caught my ex fiance cheating said he went to a funeral here he was wita 18 year old girl i found long red hair on his boxers doing laundry i left his ass broke off pur engagment im so happy i did so uou do what makes you happy sorry to hear it hurts but you will grow and you will be happy again took me 8 months as for the children you do what makes you happy your kids will see their dad i see great coparenting and it can work .
if he’s always been the financial provider in your marriage, you can get him to pay lawyer fees. call for a free consultation, lots of lawyers do them
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You call ur lmao or your bestie and u take ur kid and dog and leave. While at other house, get your stuff in order. Look for someway to work (lots of online jobs so u can still be home) save an get an apartment. Even just a 1 bedroom. File for divorce and custody and child support. See if u can get assistance. I’m so sorry. Big hugs to u. You have nothing to be embarrassed about…hes an asshole.
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Go to school and/or get a good paying job to set yourself up or ask your family if they will help you if you come home; then leave. Also document his infidelity & anything else(text messages, pics)
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You can sue his side bitch… Look it up… And U have proof… U will get child support and spousal support without a doubt… And kick him out…lol… Yr good…
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Girl, please … Pack your stuff and your babies stuff and like go stay with your mother ( I know Hollywood chiche that sounds )
Look he will do it again and think he can continue to do this while your at home raising his kids and he is out doing whatever…
Don’t wait till he brings something home such AIDS or an STD !! Girl be smart and get the hell out !!! Screw all that therapy crap … It sure didn’t stop my best friends husband from give her AIDS … #ripmysister
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I was where you are. As scary and terrifying it all seems from this side of the journey, nothing is worse than raising those kids in a home that doesn’t provide thelove, stability and security they deserve. The damage that will be done to them will be permanent. They need to know that their mom deserves love and honesty, so that they can learn they deserve it too. If you stay surounded by lies and back stabing, they will follow in your foot steps. We think they are too young to understand, let me tell you they grow up fast and are observant. The choice lies with you, your heart, and the REAL QUESTION, is really, what do you want your kids to think is a normal loving relationship, because it is true monkey see monkey do. Hope you find your way.
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Part of not being with your kids father is unfortunately sharing the kids. Talk to someone you trust and see if you could stay with them while you get a job and save money. My husband cheated on me too and I was also a sahm with no money…dont be embarrassed…its not your fault hes a pos. Keep your head up and dont put up with being cheated on. Depending on your state, the adultery will be held against him. I know in Tennessee adultery plays a huge part in divorce decisions, especially custody.
Part of not being with your kids father is unfortunately sharing the kids. Talk to someone you trust and see if you could stay with them while you get a job and save money. My husband cheated on me too and I was also a sahm with no money…dont be embarrassed…its not your fault hes a pos. Keep your head up and dont put up with being cheated on. Depending on your state, the adultery will be held against him. I know in Tennessee adultery plays a huge part in divorce decisions, especially custody.
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Get a job, save up some money and leave.
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If she didn’t do anything wrong, she wouldn’t be in the unfortunate situation…
Unhelpful, untruthful people everywhere…
Fight the fight, that’s all there is left to do… Next time choose a better partner.
Do not leave your home. DO.NOT.LEAVE.YOUR.HOME. go to an attorney and see what they recommened.
You should stay and start putting money aside, where he cannot find it. Start getting your life together abd then leave. Not tellibg you to even sleep with him or anything, but if he dont seem to care to file…thriw his ass on the couch and silently start hiding some money and lioking for work
Get a job now and start making plans. That’s not okay. You deserve better.
Feel your pain. I stayed I just wasn’t a good partner after the affairs. Allot things came to mind adultry several times and STD factor. I went back to work when my son was 3 mo old. Found child care and got established in my job. I knew my goal, he didn’t. He wouldn’t have divorced me as he had the best of both worlds. When I had established myself (again) and son had child care I left. I didn’t want our home. Fresh start…
Look in the phone book under attorneys and find Legal Aide they will represent you free of charge. Good luck and may you find happiness and true love. Cheaters do not know true love. They think if they pay some attention to you and say I love you “I’ll
never cheat” that little pat on the head will keep you quiet for awhile.
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