I dislike my sons hyphenated last name: Can I change it?

My son is 4 1/2. His last name is hyphenated, and I kind of regret it. His father and I have not been together since he was eight months old. His father is in the picture and is very involved in his life. Do any of you have older kids with hyphenated last names? Did they choose to use just one as they got older? Do they not like it? I kind of wish I would have just given him my last name, even though his dad is very much in his life; he is so much closer and more involved with my side of the family. He sees my parents and his cousins on my side literally every single day. He only sees his father’s family a couple of times a year. Just want to get others’ opinions on this, and if you think he’ll end up choosing one name over the other when he’s older.

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Leave his name and let it be. And don’t ever say things like that to your child. It’s not about you.

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He very well might choose one over the other. I’d leave it as is. Let it be his decision. Besides, do you really want to go through the crap if his dad throws a fit? Maybe I’m just too old to deal with it.

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I would leave it alone. You’re just going to I stir up a lot of bad blood and at 4 your kid doesn’t care. But if his father is involved in the kids life you should be thankful and just leave well enough alone. I guarantee you it means a lot to the father, that kid is just as much his as he is yours. You wouldn’t get a name change approval anyways without both parents agreement.

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Not really fair to him or his dad that you want to change it all of a sudden. Sorry but that’s kind of selfish

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Technically if you wanna leave one last name it’s the dad’s last name

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Good thing a judge would have to sign off on this and there is no way that he would since dad is involved! Stop being selfish and causing problems where there aren’t any.

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Why now? Just leave it as is and he can decide to change it if he wants when he’s older.

I changed my son’s but his dad was not in his life at all!

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It’s not just up to you it’s also up to his dad, who is equally as important and equally as much his parent. I’m willing to bet a judge wouldn’t change it just because you’ve decided you don’t like it. Especially since he has an active dad who would likely fight it

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I had a hyphenated maiden name and I dropped both when I got married. If you want the child to have one last name, it should be his father’s last name.

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I’d leave it be. His dad is in his life. It would be different if he wasn’t.

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I think it’s kinda messed up to just kick his dad’s last name to the curb. Especially if he is a good dad. Don’t you think that would upset him? Hurt his feelings? I’d imagine it would. Can you even make a decision like that without his approval? If he wasn’t in the picture or was a deadbeat than I’d totally get it but if he is a good dad that’s kinda just like mean. If anything take your last name off if the hyphenatedness bothers you do much. Or just leave it be. But I think itd be really hurtful to take away his dad’s name just cuz you don’t like it… :frowning: Makes me sad for his dad

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Leave it be and let him decide what he wants to do when he’s older.

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Myself and 3 of my kids have a hyphenated name. I’ve split ties with my family and I want to drop Fortner, just use Watrous.

I’m probably going to keep the kids with their full name and they can change it when they are older and understand why my family is not in the picture.

To regret a last name after a separation seems a bit bitter… Leave it be… If you and his dad were still together I doubt very much you’d have this same ‘regret’…

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I’m leaving it up to my son. Personally, I think hyphenated names are just long and unnecessary. While I was filling out my sons paper work in the hospital, his dad through a temper tantrum that I just put my last name. We were never together, he’s involved in his life but we have a hard time co- parenting as of late. Then I had my daughter and gave her my last name. So now I feel like he’s kinda left out. But when he’s of age I’ll leave that up to him.

I think when you son gets married, he can legally change it to his new family name.

My cousin grew up with a hyphenated last name Dennard-Brown and that never caused problems

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My girls have hyphenated last names and they are 22, 19 and 15. The oldest only uses both of hers for legal things but otherwise uses my maiden, the middle uses both and my youngest uses my maiden. I left it up to them on which one they used and even though they dont have a good relationship with their dad they still keep his to keep from hearing his mouth.

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You’d have to go to court. If dad shows up and contests it, you won’t be able to. If dad doesn’t show up, the judge can make a decision without him there. If dad is a part of his life, then there really should be no reason to, especially if that reason is because you “regret” doing the hyphenated name. I had my son’s last name changed from his father’s to mine because my son is now almost 16 and his “father” hasn’t been in his life since he was 13 months old.

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I kind of compromised. I didn’t hyphenate, I kind of made it like a second middle name with my last name. His dad didn’t like it much, but it is what it is. His dad isn’t in his life by his own choosing.

Just let this one go. It really doesn’t matter that much. When he’s 18 he’ll change it if he feels the need.

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Why not remove your last name? What reason do you have to remove dads other than you’re selfish?

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Facebook really needs a rolls eyes react button.
Bet you wouldn’t still feel this way if y’all were together :roll_eyes::roll_eyes::roll_eyes: get real lady, it’s about you. Your kids doesn’t care at 4 years old what his last name is…

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I can understand if the father wasnt involved bit he is. U might not be together but that doesn’t mean he cant have his dads last name. His dad is there for his son so he has a right to share his last name with him. If I ever split from my kids dad. I’d never change there last name to mine just bc there father and I didnt work out. It’s about the kid not u.

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I got my name hyphenated when I was 13. My dad wanted to be on my birth certificate. I had Valenciano from the family that my mom was married to. They were considered my grandparents so I kept that name. Then at 13 I also wanted my dads name.

No problems. My parents are weirdos but I’m happy to have the name.

My name is hyphenated. Delyria-Villasenor. I go by Delyria tho

Honestly i would wait until son is older unless he wants it changed my son was 5 when he wanted his whole name changed to what he wanted but he is now 7 and I haven’t changed it only because every week he says his name is something new so once he gets older and wants it changed then I will until then he still has the name given at birth

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My two oldest are hyphenated (almost 12 n almost 10) n they just write it how it is. But my son mostly says his name is just his dad’s last name. But you won’t be able to change it unless dad agrees

My daughter is 15 and has a hyphenated last name, she uses my last name but uses both names on legal documents. Her father is also in the picture, she just prefers my last name. I’d say leave it and let the child decide when they are 18 if they want to legally drop one of the last names.

Mines been hyphenated since I was 4 and while it was a pain in the ass in school (though I just wrote the initials after a while) I don’t totally hate it. I would absolutely change it now to just my dad’s last name since my mom kind of abandoned us but id leave it to be his choice when he’s older. My parents each wanted the others last name dropped but obviously that was never an option so I was told then when I was old enough to decide and had the money to, I could change it myself if I wanted to

He is from both families so I say leave it. Changing it seems petulant.

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If you didn’t like hyphenated last names then you shouldn’t have ever given him one.

I gave my kid his fathers last name & that’s it. Regardless of good or bad terms that’s his dad. I’m not gunna take that away from him for any reason at all. Some people are just petty. :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Leave it and let your child change it later if he wants to. I am not even sure they would change it if you tried to do it, especially if his father contests it. When we were setting up paternity/support order when my son was a baby, his dad asked about his name being changed to his. We were pulled from judges chambers to discuss it as it was not something automatically done. I simply said that if he was not going to be a part of our son’s life and would have no problem terminating rights if I had a spouse to adopt him, it would be easier to leave our son’s name as mine. My son has my last name.

I was given my bio dad’s last name and I ended up hyphenating my name with my moms when I got older cause I liked both
Even debated hyphenating it again when I got married :sweat_smile:

if the father is heavily involved, leave it. you’d have to take it to court anyways

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We have 2 last names and usually only use the 1st unless for legal matters. This is a cultural thing with dads last name then moms

My son does . And it’s fine. I wouldnt change his name that’s way too much work.

Remove dads last name keep yours

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If it were me I would give him his dad’s last name. Especially if he is a big part in his life. Maybe im old fashioned but I think the only way I would give him mine is if his dad was a deadbeat and he didn’t know him. Do what you feel is right in your heart :heart: you are his mommy

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Sorry to be blunt but that is not cool. If you and your family get more of him why would you take away from the father? Also what message are you sending him, his father and father’s side mean less? That is not cool! And confusing for a child. Don’t punish children for a failed relationship.

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I agree, you should change it… to the dads last name only because clearly you just think about your thoughts and feelings and disregard your child’s and his father’s feelings

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Honestly, child spending less time with father’s family is more of a reason to keep the hyphenated last name. They need to know their roots. Regardless of your personal feelings. I’m not married to my daughter’s father, and she still has his last name. My parents were never married and my brothers and I all have our fathers last name. The father is just as important as the mother.

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My son has his father’s last name. We haven’t seen him in years. He hardly has any memories of him and my bf has been filling the father roll for almost as long. At the age of 5 I brought up changing his last name as an option and left it up to him. Three years later he still has his father’s last name. Not bc he’s holding onto his dad, but bc it’s part of his identity. Don’t change something so significant to a child as his name, especially when his father is involved. It’s selfish and just wrong. If it bothers him when he’s older he can change it, but it shouldn’t be just up to you.

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His dad is in his life. Just leave it alone.

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In my opinion,a child should always get their fathers last name. No matter who/where/what they are… That is a apart of the child and who he is on inside… Thats his history and his namesake. One day he’s gonna wanna know who he is and where he comes from.

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Holy cow the the ignorance in this post!!!SCREW WHAT YOY WANT, he should have one last name HIS FATHER’S!! Regardless of who you think he likes more or what side you think he spends more time with. His last name is supposed to continue his father’s last name. Now in cases where dad ain’t shit then understandable but just because y’all haven’t been together since he was 8months old means jack unless your just crazy an think your son is only your son an dad should get lost so you can put him on child support right

My daughters last name is and she only uses her dad’s name since she was in 1st grade

Just dont use it… He wont know it’s on his birth certificate til he is old enough to choose… At that point let him decide!

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My son doesn’t see my husband’s side of the family as much as mine, that doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t have his father’s last name. It sounds like he has a loving father, and that you’re just trying to be hurtful because you aren’t together anymore. If my husband and I divorced I would never even consider changing my son’s name, it’s completely selfish and unnecessary, he’s not only my son, his father has just as much right as me.

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Just leave it. It’s not really up to you. That’s his name now, and the father is there in his life.

I have a hyphenated last name and I wish I just had my dads last name

An I just realized you MARRIED HIS FATHER so technically it’s y’all’s last name until YOU changed your name vack

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My son has his father’s last name and I could care less. His dad is his dad and that’s that. We were together when we had him. Split after he was born. Not once did I want to change his name cause I wasn’t with his dad. That’s his son to. I could understand if the man wasn’t involved but he is. So leave it alone.

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I did the same thing. She’s old enough to choose now. I actually would use her dads before but she uses mine. Did it completely on her own.

My husband’s last nams is hyphenated but he only uses his dad’s last name.

Also we don’t know if the father and his family even live in the same city or town as the son. So if they don’t, that’s not fair lady and you should be helping take him to his father and his fathers side of the family. All I’m saying is, we don’t know why it’s only a couple times a year

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Wow this is like the most selfish post I’ve seen in a long time. So dads actively involved and just because you’re not with his dad you feel you deserve the last name over him? Yeah no get off your high horse.

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If the father is on the birth certificate, you can’t change your child’s name without the father signing off on it. So if he is involved and you brought up a name change, I imagine he wouldn’t be okay with it.
If his dad is involved equally and you gave your child both names, it sounds fair to me. :woman_shrugging:t2:
Just cuz you don’t like it now doesn’t mean it needs to change.

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My children have my husband last name; they aren’t his kids though by blood just by court ordered default.

Yes. U can change it. Well, most states anyway. Contact an attorney

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I have one. I actually use one or the other. I actually dont go by my given name I go by my nickname. My kids dad and I arent together and both have his last name.

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My kids have their dad’s last name and despite our divorce so do I. He’s their father. They are his kids. Honestly I prefer my married name which is why I didn’t change it back and I never will unless I marry someone else but my kids will always have his last name until my daughters get married.

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My two daughters had hyphened last names. Both used my last name mainly.

I don’t think it’s a big issue… As long as your children are loved by both parents that’s all that matters… It’s just a name and it’s your babies name… Let your baby decide when they are older what they prefer x

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Most states you have to have both parents permission. Let the kids decide on their names when they are old enough. If he is that involved they shouldnt mind his last name too

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If anything take your name off. If you take dads name off and then later get married your son wont share a name with either parent. Plus dads involved. It doesnt matter how much he sees his dads family compared to your family.

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A lot of family members have two last names, it doesn’t matter really. I think it’s nice he has both families to lean on.

To be completely honest this whole post is extremely selfish. You’re the child’s mother. You should be trying to show/teach and provide every opportunity for this little being to grow. Having his father’s last name bothers you for whatever reason but that father would be devastated if you managed to get it removed. Especially given the fact that you say your child already has a more active relationship with your family. Why try to cut off the dad when he’s actively trying to be apart of his child’s life. Most kids aren’t so lucky. Whatever personal reason you have for wanting to remove it, forget it. Rise above the pettiness and think of what’s going to be best for your child. This isn’t something to waste time on just to hurt someone else at your child’s sake. They aren’t toys or tools to use as weapons against another parent.

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Mine was hyphenated and I always chose to use my dad’s. Im not with my older sons dad and he still has only his last name . Hes not involved 100% but he tries and I wouldn’t be selfish and change it to mine just because I have him physically 99% of the time.

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Not being in a relationship with his dad isn’t a good enough reason to change you son’s name…
Neither is his family not being close to the child
Imagine how you would feel if his dad wanted to take your name off because you aren’t together

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I wasn’t married to my oldest daughters father and I still gave her his last name. Whether he saw her once a year or once a day I felt she deserved to carry his name. It was not just my child. You do what you feel is right. When I did marry my now husband I dropped my middle name and my maiden name took it’s place on my license and SS card even though my Daddy had hardly anything to do with me. It’s a birthright I think to have your father’s last name. There’s so many kids out here who’s Mama’s don’t know who the father is I think it’s a blessing that those who know carry on their fathers name.

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My first born daughter has a Hyphenated last name. Don’t regret it one bit

My son has his dad’s last name. We weren’t married when he was born but I chose to give him his dad’s last name. We were still together when he was born but we separated when our son was 18 months old. He will be 5 in a few weeks and I wouldn’t dream of changing my son’s last name or hypenating it. He loves his dad and sees him on weekends. But just because you have him all the time doesn’t mean he needs your last name only. Even if my son’s father and I weren’t together at the time of my son’s birth I would have still given him his dad’s last name.

I’m a kid with two names or hyphenated. I use the one I feel most closet to and I really wish I was asked in later years which one I preferred! It confuses everyone, I feel super close to my dads side over my moms

I hope you actually read the majority of these comments and keep his last name his the way it is. It would be extremely selfish and very childish to change it. That’s his father. That’s his son. If you were still together would you want to change it? That’s should give you your answer right there!

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Screw it just remove both last names and have him only have a first name like Sting

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My sons name is hyphenated but when it comes to school things I just use my last name. His father his very involved in his life as well. My brother has a friend who’s last name is also hyphenated and he just uses his moms last name as well. If you honestly dislike it, I’m sure you can go to the court house and get it changed

My daughter has her father’s last name, we are not together but I don’t regret it. He is her father, just because your son doesn’t see his side of the family much doesn’t mean anything… He sees HIS father often… Who raises him. It’s not a “family name.” It’s his dad’s name. You’re selfish.

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Give him his dad’s name and drop yours. People will still know he’s your kid without your name. What happens when you get married later?
“Mom, why is part of my last name your old last name?”
" I just wanted to make sure you and everyone else knew that my family was closer to you than your dad’s was." :roll_eyes:

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I had a hyphenated name and absolutely hated it. I only used one name because the other parent wasn’t involved. I hated seeing both names on legal documents

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Hes active with the child then leave it. You’d have to go to court to change it as hes active and what not. I almost did that with my youngest but i have my ex husbands last name ehich this child is someone elses and that would have been weird and odd. When child is older he can choose what one to go buy i know a few amd it doesnt bother them

Ignore some of these trashy comments mumma, My daughters last name is hyphanted and she is almost 6. I don’t like it, never have. It’s way too long and looks weird. She’s only 1 of 2 kindergarteners in the whole school with a hyphenated last name. Fortunately though I listed her ‘preferred name’ on school forms so she just spells it normal without the -2ndlastnamehere, Though she does know what her full name is, She also agrees it’s easier to write one and prefers it. I won’t get it changed because it’s her name, But I’m about to have my 2nd child (diff dad) and will absolutely not be hyphonating Jack sh*t! Dad’s last name all the way this time.

If you are only wanting 1 last name and since dad is in the kid’s life then why not just keep dad’s name? Otherwise leave it as it is and when the kid gets older make it his decision if he want to change it to just 1 last name.

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I have a hyphenated surname. When I was at school I was known as Ngaire Short-Wilcox. I was very fortunate to have 2 dads. My biological father and my stepfather. My dad died when I was 2 years old and there were 4 of us. My stepfather married my mother and had another child. Our stepfather loved us all and treated us all the same. When I joined the Army I had to go with what was on my birth Certificate however my brother David changed his surname to Short-Wilcox. I love my surname hyphenated and my nieces and nephew hold the Short-Wilcox name in which we are proud of.

You forgot #petty in your post.

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What an extraordinary post, for all the wrong reasons. I hope this lady reads the replies and reflects on her question.

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Don’t regret the name YOU CHOSE for your child jus because of the other parent. Too late for that, it’s part of who he is, especially with him being in his life. Don’t take that from him

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Ur mean wat if u cause a bunch of shit because u want to take his name off because ur bitter thats how u sound

You can legallly use one or the other. You don’t have to write out both names

I had A friend who had a hyphenated last name on the birth certificate. After the parents split the mom dropped the father’s name but did not do it legally. So when she signed legal docs while my friend was young some had the hyphenated name and others didn’t. With the inconsistencies, my friend had a very difficult time getting a passport and proving her identity. Whatever you do, make sure all the legal paperwork is in order. I believe the father also would have to sign off on this change if he is listed on the birth certificate. At least that’s how it was in Iowa. Good luck.

my daughter last name is hyphenated, I have no plans to change it she Is a part of both me and her father…

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I wouldn’t hyphenate a boys last name. Seems feminine. IMO probably wouldn’t do it for a girl either. I’m talking about when They’re babies. You hyphenate a married woman’s name. If for some reason they don’t want just their husband’s. Heck that’s weird too. :joy::joy::joy::joy: what’s the point in it?

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My niece has a hyphenated last name. She sees her father on his days, but lives with her mother and mother’s family. I don’t think her father takes care of her on his days. He works or does his own thing and his girlfriend or sister or whoever is watching his other kids takes her… I think. Anyway she doesn’t seem to like visiting him and she just uses her mother’s last name. I think as soon as she’s old enough, she will choose not to see him regularly. It’s a little different though, so… idk.

My son is 10 n he has a hyphenated name n he doesn’t like it so he uses mine but all legal documents have both n I’ll drop his father’s name if he wants to when he’s a little older. He doesn’t know his dad so why would he want his last name?!?!?

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I wouldn’t change this at this point in his life wait till he’s over and let him choose he may be very hurt that you took off his dad’s last name and I think by law you would have to get the father’s okay and I doubt he’d give it to you anyway

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My son is 34 and his last name is hyphenated but he goes by the last part… only until the day he graduates high school / college or goes into the Military will the first part ever be used because it’s his legal full name he can choose to loose the first part if he wishes but it’s the name you have him at birth so unless it’s legally changed by the courts his name will always be hyphenated and wanting it changed because his family don’t spend time with him … it’s still his daddy’s name leave it alone

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If dad is in the picture and is “very involved in his life” why would you feel the need to change the kids last name? This just sounds like you’re being petty because you two didn’t last.

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Leave it and let your child decide when he is old enough. Taking away his father’s last name just seems wrong.

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