This sounds so pathetic. I feel like a maid and a mom not a wife. Je literally sits on his games lies about being one his games. I don’t really care about the games but I never get any attention without it feeling like a obligation to him. He travels alot for awhile, and the days before he leaves I can’t even get sex from him. He doesn’t go to sleep next to me. He has all these ideas and is excited to do them until he gets home and it lasts for a day. Now it’s like he buys me things to make up for not being there mentally. Im fucking bored and lonely. Sexually frustrated and over feeling like a nanny. Wtf is wrong with me. When he drinks he’s everything I want. But im not gonna push him to drink and it’s a 50/50 shot on if he will act that way. We don’t even fight, he doesn’t get jealous, I don’t get orgasms. I just feel like I’m living day to day. I start drifting to wanting something new but im loyal and I don’t want to loose him. Wtf is going on how do I fix this
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I do not feel like a wife
I could have written this myself! Hugs
So he travels a lot, doesn’t sleep in your bed and ZERO sex?!?!!
you leave. you’re bored, you’re unhappy, you’re not sexually satisfied. he buys you things to make up for the fact he isn’t there mentally? how long is that gonna go on for? how long do you want to feel like this? until you resent him? you feeling completely alone in everything you do. you’re practically single. there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. we are in charge of our own happiness, if we are not happy then we should always do something about it because our happiness matters.
My philosophy is you get one life, so why not be happy?
If you love him and he loves you try couple counselling if you can’t get through to him by yourself. Material things don’t make up for physically being there.
Start trying to do little things that you enjoy find your happy place.
If he doesn’t want to change and make you and your family a priority maybe it’s time to rethink the relationship. Everyone’s feelings are validated and deserved to be heard.
You can love someone, but sometimes love isn’t enough
U tell him… talk to him … hide his controller so he has to listen to you… or if u know he won’t listen or let u talk… write him an email or letter… dont give up just yer… talk to him and ask him questions on how he feels and what he wants…
I hope u get it sorted before its too late
Use your words, tell him
Sounds like he’s fond of you like a friend. You need to talk to him about all this
Try to communicate with him, seek counseling for you two, if none it helps or changes, sorry, time to call it quits…one of many reasons why my husband and I are divorcing
Deandra Dee Fouché sounds like I wrote this
Tell him this… EXACTLY how you wrote it here… plan a time that it’s just you and him and throw a major fit if you have to… be blunt and to the point so that he hears exactly what you’re feeling. If he stops and actually seems to care then maybe try counseling. Gaming is an addiction so that will be a hard one to over come but if you tell him all this exactly this way and he doesn’t care and doesn’t want to change… then it’s time to move on because then he doesn’t value you enough to want you to be happy and you deserve so much more than that. A man that will treat you right is out there so don’t give him too many chances that you are so miserable and end up making rash decisions. Be open and honest with him. Men don’t take hints very well so tell him exactly what you feel no sugar coating. And don’t let him manipulate you and turn it around on you, if he tries… its time to go! Goodluck sweetie!
There is nothing wrong with you!! Try talking to him about how you’re feeling see if you can work it through, if not I do suggest a break, you are clearly unhappy and I’m not surprised, I honestly understand how your feeling here. You shouldn’t stay in a relationship if you ate not getting anything put of it at all, especially emotionally and mentally xx
Have you tried to communicate with him, to let him know all your feeling? We often times think our spouse is a mind reader or knows automatically what we need/want/crave, it would be nice though. It’s possible that he doesn’t even realize you feel this way, so he can’t change what he doesn’t know.
Girl, get a vibrator!! Buy a giant dildo!! But on a serious note, this seems to be a “thing” with alot of these gaming guys. Personally not attracted to a grown man who play games as a hobby. Or prefers them over p****.
I was sexually frustrated last year. Now when I’m happy… orgasm. Bam! When I’m lonely… Bam! When I’m feeling down… Bam! When I’m bored… Bam!
Be honest with him,
How is he suppose to know how you feel if you don’t communicate.
Some therapy would be a good idea
Pray for yourself pray for him pray for your marriage girl give it to God🙏
It’s hard for people to talk about these types of things especially if the SO is good in so many other ways I’d suggest you find the words to explain how your feeling towards the sexual element in your relationship and once you start communicating about that things will fall into place. Good luck
Did he not tell you his equipment might not be working.
As they get older .
I could’ve written that a month ago. I was in the same situation but I decided to tell him off and said I can do better. He changed him self and I’m happy now
You don’t get sex from him?! Sorry but it works both ways. I honestly think you need to reevaluate things & actually communicate?! What if he’s feeling the same. Theres also ways you can please yourself if your not happy why would you make him happy
This is exactly what I live! I’m totally over talking about it. 4 years is enough. He’s a great man but I am worthy. I’ve made it very clear yo Jim God is moving this mountain for a reason for me and one day instead of fighting him on it I will get it together. I pray about it but it still stinks! I’m 38 I want to live and just want to feel wanted and treated like I matter to him! Sending hugs
We change as we age, communicate, sometimes you have to accept what HE can not change but you don’t have to leave if you really love him for his other qualities. Love is not all sex and passion but loyalty, trust and growing old together. My husband of over 70 years, and I had what I sometimes felt were impossible differences, but we also believed in our marriage vows. When I felt ALONE, I tried to fill in the empty void with caring for our 4 children, praying and working in a hospital and caring for others! It was a different excitement, YET fulfilling! He died last April at almost 91 years of age, but his dying words were," I love you!" And for ME I was happy. we loved each other in our own way, and our 4 kids grew up happy, well-adjusted and hard working and united. I learned , grew and changed a lot and he proved to be the best thing that ever happened to me!! Amen! I now face fighting cancer without him but i still have God, our children, family and friends and NOW, at almost 90 years old, I have few regrets as I tried to learn from my mistakes AND LIFE WAS WORTH IT, EVEN if it didn’t not go as I had planned! God’s plan worked out Better! Amen!!
You can’t fix this. You cannot make someone treat you the way you need. He either wants you or he doesn’t. It is sad. I’m so sorry.
Ask him on a date. Plan it, arrange it and take him. Tell him what you want.
This is how my husband feels about me… I don’t give him sex or attention or any of that anymore it’s been months now because I’ve fallen out of love with him. It’s not his fault he’s a good guy it’s just I want something different and maybe that’s how your husband feels and it’s not your fault it just happens. I told him that a couple days ago because I wanted to be honest. Maybe he’s not in love with you anymore. Move on, get a divorce and find someone who treats you the way you wanna be treated.
I’m just going to put out there my personal experience.
When I was depressed I was exactly like your husband, I wanted nothing more than to curl up on the couch, sex didn’t interest me AT ALL, I would get random bursts of happy where I’d too get excited and try and make plans just bail on them last minute. Do you think he could be depressed as well? If so he needs to get help!!
I lived this life for 18 years and it never gets easier. You can’t change humans it will only get worse and affect you more and more. I felt selfish for wanting to leave because we had 3 kids together. I felt like since he wasn’t physically abusive etc I owed it to our children to sacrifice my happiness for theirs. One day he ultimately betrayed me in ways I never thought we’re possible. The severity of what he did impacted me greatly but I had already been mentally and emotionally checked out for many years and so instead of falling into a depression etc I just used it as my opportunity to finally be free and there was absolutely no going back after what he did. It’s been two years and I am the happiest I have ever been in my adult life…I gave him all my adult years from 18 to 34. If I could go back I would have done things differently…maybe not completely because I wouldn’t have my kids but I would have left much sooner.
I could have written this. 8 months ago i decided my happiness was more important and i couldn’t live this way anymore. I want to add we did years of therapy on and off. I’m so much happier now and my divorce will be finalized on the 15th.
When you rely on another to make you feel whole or complete, you will always be disappointed. Only you can make yourself happy. I’m not saying that is what is going on here but it sounded a little like it to me. Anyway, you already know what to do. It’s in you and you don’t have to ask anyone what you want, you already know.
U have to talk to him. Tell him whats going on or he cant help fix it. If that doesn’t work its time to move on
Get Rid Of The Games! Those things are deadly to an Adult
Have you sat him down, one on one, with zero distractions, and talked to him? If this is the life you live daily, for all he knows, you’re content with everyday life.
Also keep in mind that men are (usually) simple creatures. My husband works hard, he loves me, he loves our kids, he cooks, he does anything and everything that I ask of him… but I still have to ask. He doesn’t take it upon himself to plan a date night. He doesn’t take it upon himself to clean or do laundry. But if I ask him to wash dishes, sweep, take boxes/totes to storage… he does. If I wanna go out to dinner, I’ll simply say “wanna take me to dinner on Saturday?” Then we go to dinner on Saturday.
As life goes on, couples get comfortable with the every day flow of life. My husband and I used to go to bed together every night and get up together every morning. Now, sometimes I go to bed and he stays up. Sometimes he goes to bed and I stay up. Sometimes we still go to bed together.
Speak up to him about how you feel. If you have before and he’s done nothing about it, or if you haven’t before and do and then he does nothing, he’s basically showing you that he just doesn’t care, and at that point, you may need to consider moving on.
If you do that, and he still
Therapy. He may not realize what’s he’s doing bc you have allowed him to think it’s okay. Men can’t read our minds, we have to tell them.
You don’t want to lose him but is he worth fighting for? The person he is now - not the person you want him to be - is he worth it?
Do that man a favor and leave lol.
You start doing your own thing. Do your makeup, go out with friends, work out, go out by yourself. Show him he’s not needed and I bet you he’ll start oaying attention to you. If he doesn’t then you can tell him to kick rocks.
Communication is the key in a relationship tell him how you feel don’t hold back and not say anything that’s what causes issues in a relationship not being honest with each other.
A grown man who plays video games ect is a over grown child . Leave and get the love and life you des
He needs to know how you are feeling , if he doesn’t listen and change his ways ,it’s time to leave remember you only have one life
Walk away he clearly has his mind made up you’ll feel better if he Truly loves you he will chase you. If not then you’ll know you can be happy and free.
Tell him directly what you want and need from him, some guys aren’t good at even obvious hints and need to be told in a firm way. Give him time to think about it and take action. If that doesn’t help then get counseling. It’s not going to get better unless you step up and try to get your point across.
“Wtf is wrong with me.” Simple answer. NOTHING. There is nothing wrong with you. Have you talked to a mental health professional about him? When you said he has “great ideas” but never follows through, that sounds like Bipolar Disorder. The rest could be a personality disorder. People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder treat you like crap, then love bomb you with gifts when they feel you starting to pull away. Once you are back, they go back to treating you like crap. You need to talk to someone and then see if you can get him to talk to someone. If he won’t, then maybe it’s time to move on. You can’t find the right person while you are stuck with the wrong person.
Sad. Run to closest women’s shelter and get help
He is a narcissist. Abuse.
Those video games are like a drug. My dil is having the same problem with my son and grandson. They are on the game till all hours of the night. It’s so unhealthy. My son said it’s to escape the pain of losing his brother and because his wife doesn’t clean the house. Maybe your husband is trying to escape something?
Because what you have doesn’t count as a husband
If your unhappy, leave
You’re loyal and not willing to cheat so I don’t know what to tell you. All I can say is you can’t change other people but you can change how you deal with them. If your husband is not willing make changes and you’re not willing to leave then it’s nothing we can tell you. I also hate to state the obvious but if he travels a LOT and you can’t get sex from him before he leaves, are you sure this travel is for work?
If you want to attempt to save your relationship you MUST sit down with him (get an overnight babysitter) and respectfully lay it all out on the table. Let him know ahead of time that you need to talk without any distractions. Let him know exactly what is bothering you and that you’re afraid that if something doesn’t change this relationship won’t work. Explain to him what your fantasies are. Have deep meaningful conversations. Let him know flat out that you don’t feel wanted, loved or appreciated. Talk about what your love language is. Let him know that whats happening is not going to work.
Both of you HAVE TO make a conscious decision everyday to participate in your relationship, you CAN NOT put it on auto pilot. It will crash 100% of the time on auto pilot.
This conversations must be mature and respectful. It’s okay if thing get heated a little but try to bring it back down before it turns into a yelling match. Nothing gets accomplished with yelling. And most people don’t listen or retain information when it’s delivered in a rude way or they feel attacked. Deliver it with your raw emotions, which sounds like pain. Write everything down in a letter if you have too and have him read it next to you. That way you have time to really think about how you want to word everything and you can get it all down on paper without interruptions but be available for conversations afterwards, also be accepting of him needing a break to process what was said.
Remember to openly listen as well and receive information from him. Their may be things that he’s not talking about either.
If you both still want to try to save your relationship you MUST actively work on changing things that are changeable (within your own boundaries). There might be some tension and need for more processing later on. The uncomfortable awkward moment might last for awhile but if you both are actively working on showing each other desire you might just end up having the best sex of your life. Break open the box that you put each other in when you got together and allow space to grow and change. Everyone is changing all the time. That’s the meaning behind “never stop dating your partner”. Bring the spark back. Talk on a deeper level. Explore each other like it’s the 1st time and you’ve been waiting for 20 years, EVERYTIME. Make out like raging hormonal teenagers. Tell him to take charge (particularly in the bedroom) if that’s what you’re in to. Women have a tendency to be the decision maker for literally everything and everyone and that becomes exhausting. When you have a lot of control it’s extremely freeing to let that control go and be taken (consensually, within boundaries and with trust of course).
I hope everything works out for you both. Remember communication is the foundation of every relationship. Respect is a must. Speak with love and don’t fight dirty. Don’t attack and absolutely no name calling.
Have a talk with him, sober. If you both can not come to an agreement on relationship rules, or how you’d both like to be treated there is no shame in throwing in the towel. Don’t waste anymore of either of your time.
Definitely have a talk with him and be completely honest on how you feel. Let him know what you want and I’m sure there will be things he’ll have to say and want differently. Both of you must work together, if time passes and nothings changed then he’s not gonna change. And sadly then you’ll have to make a tough decision, either you want to continue living like this or you’ll find it somewhere else
Tell him how you feel and during sex be precise on exactly where you need it and how you like it. Most men have no idea that a woman doesn’t get off but penetration alone. We need stimulation and play so tell him what you need! Being open and honest won’t hurt, because if he doesn’t listen or try after you communicate with him then that’s when you can possibly go next step.
Been there , don’e that . We were friends for 20 years . Dated for 10 months . Utter crap if you ask me …. What a waste of time … he winks literally game for 16 hours … never spend time with me . Run for his bros though . Get drunk for days over there and come back and sleep for days …. Wake up tell me what to do , chat with other females after midnight snd call me insecure or jealous …. He acted like a bum in my house , so a bum je became outside my house …. I told him to get the f888 out my house …. He’d been gone for 4 months now … talk about being happy ahain
Divorceeeeeee he’s shown time and time again he doesn’t care or appreciate you
Ppl treat you the way YOU allow them.
There is Nothing wrong with you!! If you’ve communicated to him how you feel and he has done nothing to fix the issues it may be time to move on. You are unhappy and that is not a way to live. Communication, attention, and sex are so important in a marriage. It sounds like to me he has already checked out of the marriage I am sorry love, but it’s time for you to be happy.
What have you got to lose? Absolutely nothing g. You live him? I miss hunk not . He’s got you right where he wants you. Co dependent. He had made you think you need him. For what? He doesn’t even satisfy you in bed. He knows all these things honey. He knows. He’s just sitting back enjoying g the rude, which you are not on, my dear. Get rid if him. He is dead weight. Move on down the line and find a man who is worthy of you!
He has checked out of the marriage. Time to consider moving on and finding happiness or staying and being miserable. Pretty simple choice.
you have to communicate your feelings with him and tell him it has to change or it’s going to ruin the relationship
Marriage counseling/therapy. And tell him how you’re really feeling if you haven’t already. If he doesn’t know that you’re starting to see him as a roommate and not a partner and it’s putting a lot of distance between you, he may not even realize because guys needs are different than ours. Not wanting sex, do you think it has something to do with himself? Does he lack the confidence, or self-esteem? Is he dealing with some sort of seasonal depression? A TON of different things could be the culprit… or do you believe he’s cheating? Either way, your needs/feelings need addressed and if you’re both committed to getting back to a place of fun and happy, you both will need to put in the work. I can tell you from personal experience that every relationship reaches a stagnant point, and sometimes the other person needs to put in 100% while the other puts in next to nothing. It doesn’t have to be a permanent place. If he does truly love you and want what you two have, he’ll be willing to work with you an growing closer.
You don’t want to lose him?! Lose being ignored?? You deserve better. Everyone deserves better that that. You need to talk to him and tell him your wants and needs and if he can’t provide that then start packing!!! If he really cares and loves you, he won’t let you leave and hopefully he’ll change his ways. But, don’t hold your breath…
I would say to him (or text it to him, which ever means of communication are strongest) exactly what you posted on here to try to get exactly how you feel across to him…just a suggestion since you’re kinda struggling with it
Tell him you want change or you are out . And mean it. You deserve better.
He sounds like a child.
You need to talk to him is simple. TALK IS THE KEY.
Gotta confront him about it
Walk out on him while he’s gaming fresh from the shower clean shaved from ankle to hip naked and all lotioned up and ready to play…if that don’t get his attention then maybe something is wrong.with him. We’ve seen on here where women have found out their husbands were actually gay. J’s
First of all, go to the beauty shop regularly, Start loving yourself and get a relationship with GOD. Sit down and talk to him about what’s really going on and then go from there.Theres a point where you draw a line in the sand.
You have to communicate all of this to him. clearly without a doubt. If he DOESN’T change, then it would be time to leave because you are not being valued at all.
Unfortunately people these days think that’s all a wife is, a maid and a mom
Get to a good theripst.
I’m sorry but “when he drinks he’s everything I want”???
Unfortunately to me it sounds like he might be getting sexual gratification in another area. I would definitely go to couples counseling, if he refuses or doesn’t make an honest effort that’s your answer.
Communication. You need to communicate.
Exactly what you posted here, is what you should tell him. I felt your frustrations reading this lol. Just be open and honest with him, then take it from there. As woman we tend to over analyze everything in our heads…we already had the fight before we started talking about it to our spouse. It just makes things worse…because most of time the conversation never plays out as it did in our head. Good luck…I wouldn’t tell you to give up…every relationship hits a shitty spot…but you both have to work on getting out of it. Good luck
You tell him THIS EXACTLY & go from there.
Nothing is wrong with you. You have a housemate instead of a romantic partner. You feel abandoned emotionally when he’s physically present.
You two need couples’ therapy. Nothing is going to change until you both start talking. If he refuses, definitely start individual therapy to help you determine what you want to do.
Yeh you have to talk to him about it and let him know!!! And pshh make sure his ass isn’t cheating on you FIRST!! And if he doesn’t change after you tell him how ya feel then offer couples Counceling and if he doesn’t want to do that, then he needs to go and stop dragging you down. Should be 100/100 and when your feeling down n out then your husband needs to pick up your slack and vice versa. How it should work. Takes time but can be done!!! Being with my husband has taught me many things and all these things are important if you truly want to be happy
Let every tear be your teacher" stay safe x
Bring blank divorce papers and sit down and talk
Sounds like he’s already checked out of the relationship. Significant others deserve to feel love and appreciated all the time, not just when he feels like buying you gifts.
He might be having a low testosterone count …happens more often than you think and doesn’t get talked about enough
He has a chick on the side…common when men travel without the wife
You lost me at the sexual frustration hahaha stop doing it to yourself mate tell him if he wants a housemate there are plenty up on Gumtree
You have a boy(man child) instead of a man unfortunately. I like video games, I like playing games on my phone but don’t do either bc life is extremely busy for me with a business and a 4yo. I don’t say this to brag bc there’s days I wish I could be the slacker he sounds like but I feel like I have my priorities in line. Affection and romance also doesn’t have to equate to sex I’m sure if he was affectionate with you, held your hand, little stuff like that the lack of sex would not be quite as bad. Not sure I answered your question exactly but maybe hopefully gave you some things to think about. Good luck in your future!!
Have you asked what he’s going through?
You said he gets excited about plans, but then fizzles out… what’s changed?
He is a narc. He likes treating you like this. Get out, it only gets worse with years.
Time to get a sancho
Talk to him let him know how you feel if there’s no.way he wants to change then try something else. If not it may be time to move on
He may have a low sex drive it happen to most men but I find out that if my wife starts with a blow job it helps get it up
Not everything can be fixed…
No Emotional Intelligence…
Can’t be bothered with the relationship cause it’s too freaking hard, so they just give up!!
Sounds like he has already checked out to me!
And if he doesn’t agree to go together to counselling with you to sort it out I am afraid nothing is ever going to change… it will just stay exactly the same as now
Ummmm…WOW ,they say that guys choose wifes that remind them of thier first love" thier mother"…lol…it sounds like he has settled in home life with you and the kids and is comfotable playing his games in the living room floor, like when he was a teenager at home with no worries…id say , hes your oldest child…lol…at leadt hes thier an not cheating…but ya might try game of beer pong or ping pong and be very comptative…in the game…kick his but in the game…and you have a glass of wine…for adulting…oh yea…while your beating him at the game you can talk bout how you and him should establish one night a week as DATE NIGHT…send the kids to grammas go out to dinner an drinks, maybe sing an dance , shoot sme pool or darts…be the exciting chick he met when ya first started…
Both see a doctor. Get a blood work up. Did this happen suddenly?
Time to leave. Life is too short to be unhappy and unfulfilled.
have a affair, maybe then he will wake up…
Get him checked for low testosterone, if that’s not the problem and you want to try to fix this, go to counseling, but if he’s not willing to do the work, you’re better off leaving and finding happiness
You feel bad bc of his lack of being a husband?
Oh no honey.
Either he needs his testosterone checked/therapy or you need to go.
Why stay? How long will your wait fir something he won’t do?
I feel exactly the same. We spoke about it a few times and it has gotten better. But as soon as we go through a difficult patch he reverts drastically. Ive wanted to leave before. I often do now aswell. Hes so ungrateful aswell. I find counseling helped us alot. And we definitely in a much better space. Im definitely considering going bk.