I don't feel part of my husbands family: Advice?

So my husband and I have been together for seven years (married since October 2020). I’ve always felt like an outsider when it comes to his family due to mine and his relationship being rocky at the beginning and a couple of years ago when we had our first child, but my parents and siblings have completely taken him in as part of the family after the first year or two that we were together. Well, at the beginning of last year, my husband straight up told me that his mom didn’t like me pretty much bc of the way I wouldn’t put up with his BS during our rough patches. Well, after our first child got a little older, things seemed to be a bit better. And once I got pregnant with our second child, she actually texted me to check on the baby and me and has continued to do so since she was born. His sister has always seemed like she really liked me, and we get along great when we all hang out. But she recently got married. He was a groomsman, and I wasn’t apart of the wedding party, which I was fine with. After the wedding, when they were taking family pictures, I was waiting right by where they were taking pics, and they never called me over to take pictures with them. It really hurt me because I have been apart of my husband’s life for seven years, and we’ve been married for almost five months, and they didn’t include me as a family to take pics. From what I saw, they even had the aunts and uncles out there taking pics too. I just don’t understand what I have to do to actually be considered part of a third family.

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You need to sit down with the mom and the sister just you girls and lay it all our on the line, like hey I feel this way because of the rocky points in our relationship but I feel like I’ve really proven myself to be apart of this family how can we make our relationship stronger for us girls?

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I completely understand your situation. This is my husband’s second marriage and his family always preferred his first wife over me. What has helped for me was to take a step back and not worry about it. The most important thing is your relationship with your husband.

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I never did either after 15 years! We got divorced and he passed away. Thankful
I don’t have to be around any of those monsters

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Some people just shouldnt be family😘and thats not always a bad thing. Those who WANT it will make it happen. Less drama to deal with.

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That’s not something for you to fix, that’s HIS job. He decided to create a family with you so you guys are now the priority. He needs to let his family know that they need to accept you and respect as his wife.

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My husbands family seemed to welcome me right away.
But once their son ( my husband ) started going through depression, anxiety and health issues we all started having issues with each other.
I feel like his family almost blames me for it.
It is what it is.
I’m not hurt by it, but my kids are, and my husband is.

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He needs to talk to his family. My Inlaw’s were like that for a long time. We have been married for 5 years and are pregnant with our 8th child. They only just recently seemed to start accepting me. But it took me and my husband both being very blunt and telling them whether they liked it or not we were all family and I’m not going anywhere. This past year has been a lot better between me and my Inlaw’s, not perfect, but things are definitely getting better Atleast. My MIL actually asked for me to be in pictures with her while she was here last. And now she is flying up here for 3 weeks when our youngest is suppose to be born so she can help with the older kids and watch them while we are having our daughter. I offered to pay her for it and she declined payment saying getting to spend time with us is all she wants. So I definitely think he needs to say something to his family. It helped a lot for me, and my husband even quit talking to his family for awhile.

maybe you should try to talk to them… maybe not about the situation so quickly but just in general. getting to know them and they you.
my bf and I had rough patches the first years together and his family had a difficult time accepting me.
That’s what I did and now if they have a problem I talk to them and not thru him.
much luck and keep your head up

Yeah I know the feeling. I learned to take a step back. I really don’t care how I’m treated but when it comes to my kids that’s a whole different story

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That is his job not yours. They are his immediate family.

From experience I would steer clear.
Take a back seat.
They are his famiky not yours.
You have your parents and your own little family.
Just accept that your not meant to be apart of his family as they would treat you badly over the years and you don’t deserve that.
Be polite when you see them if you have to.
And just plough yourself and your energy in those who love you and those that are worthy of you.
Don’t dwell on it, there is a reason your not meant to be involved with unkind people.
Best save yourself from anymore hurt down the line.
I hope you can find some peace don’t settle for anything less.

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I know how you feel and honestly it’s what’s best for me most of my in laws are toxic and out of my life is best

I feel you on that I just don’t deal with my fiances family period I only go over if he begs me.
But sit down talk to them see what’s up or be like me and not deal with them unless it’s about your husband or kids

Let it go. You are not going to change their opinions or feelings. So either you can be hurt all the time, or you can let it go. Makes you feel better, I don’t fit with my own family. Made my own from my friends.

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you married your husband not his family, He should talk to his family and find out why

  1. This issue is her husband’s fault because had he kept his mouth closed and not bad mouth her to the family they probably wouldn’t have any ill feelings. So blame him

  2. She needs to stop worrying about those people and focus on the people that love and embrace her

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You may have married into his family, but you didn’t marry his family. It doesn’t matter unless you let it, and it’s not worth it to allow it to affect your life with him. You have to be able to accept that people aren’t always going to like you and as long as he’s happy with his decision to marry you, there’s no purpose in letting it harm you or your marriage. They’ll come around or they won’t, and it’s not your burden if you choose not to carry it.

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I face this same problem we were together ten years before we got married me and my husband it hurt some but over time I stop wanting to be included I wasn’t made to fit in or to force relationships with people.so I stop trying and caring I no longer went to every invite I would just send him I knew who like me and who didn’t but over time they know I am not going anywhere stay strong there is nothing wrong with u be patient just be In person I could tell u a whole lot on this subject but all this writing is not what I do I just wanted to say I understand

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Same situation here. He still doesn’t have the balls to say anything, we just don’t bother visiting much. We send his mom something for Mother’s Day and Christmas cards to everyone, other than that we do our own thing.

Bullshit forget them when you are in a gathering with them
make sure u dress elegant look attractive the will come around u DONT. Knee them anyway.

Ha I had the same scenario!!! Let them be they are not important the problem is with them not you. Live your life with your family and forget them that’s what I do! X

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Relax about the pics of someone else’s wedding. Now if they don’t invite you to Christmas dinner, then it’s time to worry. :flushed:

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Focus on yourself and the family you have created :pray: it shall be well

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You don’t have to do anything, your husband should! He needs to tell them you are his wife, mother of your children, they need to accept you. What an ass, he shouldn’t of told you that, he should of set his family straight!!! I am so sorry he did that to you.

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Your husband should have included you. He is supposed to be the one who handles his side of the family.

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If you think you’ve done everything to reach out and prove them you can be family then that’s enough already. Take a step back honey. No matter how nice you are you can never please everybody. I’ve learned that the hard way. You have your own family to care for anyway. Just be polite and respectful when you see them as they are your husband’s family but Also learn to remove your self from the table when respect is no longer served. And the most important thing you need to worry and care for is you and your husband’s relationship and your children. That’s what you need to make sure the foundation and love is strong

Take it from someone who dealt with for 27 years if they don’t like u now they probably won’t like u all I went councilors thinking it was me but my ex’s family is very narcissistic it all about them they could cared less about me

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It’s really sad but some people are like that…very cold…
No matter what u do for them …be a doormat …will consider you a stranger and will usually be nice when they want something.

Hold your head high and spend time with the people that care and love you. Be polite when you do meet up. You are stronger than you know. Good luck.

I wish I had some advice. I’m just here to say you’re not alone. My husband ended up writing his family off in the very beginning of our relationship for the things they said and did to me the first time I met them. They see his kids once or twice a year, and now that I’m pregnant, we’re curious to see how that plays out. I wish you the best, and I’m sorry I don’t have answers.

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Stop caring so much.

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Jump in there and make yourself apart of the family. Everyone’s family dynamic is different, you just have to adapt and take the initiative to be apart of them. When you marry someone you also marry their family. I actually get along with my husbands family better than my own lol

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Honestly, as much as it hurts they don’t have to except you as part of their family. Your husband and you have made a family of your own and as long as your husband is defending you and supporting you that’s all that matters. Plus they sound mean so why push a relationship that is just going to make you miserable. Your hurt and frustration is valid and I’m sorry you are going through this :heart:I wish you the best.

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I can relate. I’m the second wife and from what I’ve heard even first wife wasn’t fully accepted because she came with baggage already (3 kids. Same as me). I have zero advice but really it’s up to your husband to stick up for you. My husband is more of a lover than a fighter. He won’t fight with family to give me a place but what he’s basically done to show I am important to him is to not attend family functions where only he is invited and not me too. He has a sister who makes it a point to invite him only. Doesn’t go out of her way to include me at all, and because of this, he stopped attending her get-togethers. Does it create tension? Absolutely. But what matters is that I know he has my back.

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What people do are about them not you. Carry on.

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Your husband didn’t invite you to stand beside him in the pics?

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Lower your expectations & learn your place in the family. I’m saying that 100% with as much care/love as possible.

They don’t want to be a part of YOUR family, it’s there loss. Not yours. You do what’s best for YOUR family and do not worry or force something that’s not there.

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I hate to say this…BUT you may have to just find a way to accept the fact that you are not liked by his family. And that it MAY NEVER CHANGE. Think about it like this:DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE “LIKED” BY PEOPLE WHO OPENLY DON’T LIKE YOU SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU WONT LIE DOWN AND TAKE BS BEHAVIOR FROM SOMEONE WHO IS SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR PARTNER /HUSBAND.?? AND THIS SUPPEDLY MAKES YOU THE BAD GUY?? SORRY NOR SORRY I SAY [email protected]@#$ THAT AND THEIR IDEA OF "FAMILY " SND “FRIENDSHIP” AND "BEING GOOD ENOUGH ". BECAUSE GUESS WHAT??.. YOU.ARE.GOOD.ENOUGH. WORRY ABOUT/FOCUS ON THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND. AND [email protected]#$ THE REST OF THEM. IF YOUR HUSBAND IS STILL WILLING/GOING TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS FAMILY…THERE’S NOT MUCH YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT. THATS ON HIM. I KNOW IT SUCKS BUT YOU CAN’T ALWAYS WIN OVER EVERYONE.

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My husbands mom doesn’t even say hi to our kids! Let alone me. I don’t like her, she doesn’t like me. It’s her fault to why I don’t like her. She’s evil. Treats my (his) kids like shit and only likes his child from a previous marriage. She has never been to a sporting event of our kids and the are stars! Some people suck and it’s easy to get caught up in their cycle and let it suck the life out of you. I’m almost 13 years in, it doesn’t get any better but easier to accept. People are assholes.

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I’d question my husband and not his family if they were doing family pictures and he didn’t include me…

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Not everyone’s family is the same. I wouldn’t worry about it. Think about the positives instead.

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seems like they have things they haven’t told you or maybe talked behind ur back… they hang out with u and are okay with it but don’t want u in the family pictures???

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Don’t lose any sleep over that! I’ve been married for almost 22 years and my mother in law and sister in law are wack jobs that hate me and my kids… their loss…my husband doesn’t have a lot to do with them because of it.

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They’re dicks. Period.

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They don’t have to like u…it’s about u and ur hubby. Do your own thing, and make memories with y’all. As long as they don’t treat the kids bad or talk shit about u to them, then so be it.
that’s y they say don’t tell family relationship issues, he forgives/forgets, they don’t

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my husbands mom hates me & we been married almost 9 years😂 Fuck her, I dont like her either🤷🏻‍♀️ I got my own family which consists of my husband & our two kids to worry about I aint got time for her.

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I wouldn’t go around his family if they acted like that.

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Don’t let them dear those babies.

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I wouldn’t worry about it to much tbh you married him not his family, as long as he loves you why should what his family think of you matter

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And never ever complain to your family about your spouse. They will remember when you forgive. They won’t.

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Honestly when I marry my man I’m marrying him not his family, I enjoy his grandparents but his mom an step dad are really inconsiderate and disrespectful his mom an I don’t get a long and it’s perfectly fine with me as long as me and my man are happy I suck it up for the very few times we have to be around them

I went through hell being married for 10 years with my ex husbands family. We’ve been divorced 15 years now and I still have bad days thinking of the things they did to me just to be ugly. I can tell you honestly it probably will never get any better. I hate to say it like this but they probably “get off” on treating you so poorly. It’s sad that anyone has to be done this way. Big hugs to you.

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Been married 9 years. And my MIL hates me so much, that she actually sued my husband and I for a dirt bike they gave him before he met me as a graduation present.

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Have you told your husband how you feel? He should be helping you feel included (ie during wedding photos). Have y’all tried counseling? That might help you be more solid/united as a couple. Face his family together!

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Your husband should have called you over and included you. Talk with him about it and also, some things shouldn’t be discussed with parents about marriage.

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Sometimes they just won’t accept you and that’s ok. My husbands fathers side is the same way with me but his mother’s side has always been great to me. My husband and I started out and have remained great to each other so there’s no reason for the bias on the one side of the family. I’ve just accepted it and let it lie. I married my husband, not his parents. The only family that truly matters most is the one you’ve created.

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I would guess your husband is the golden child of the family and u not putting up with his bs made them all triggered. If this were me I’d either talk to my spouse and have him talk to them and not allow any more disrespect. And also I’d just treat them as polite acquaintances in return. That’s all they seem to want. I’d also be aware of how they treat the kids and you in front of them.

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I had same problem with my ex partners parents they disliked me from the beginning as I met him at 16 and they thought I was taking there son away we were together 17 years before we split the parents didnt take any interest in my kids and left us out of stuff to. It hurt but he always sided with his parents even now they dont even consider my kids as family its there loss

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Don’t let it get to you, i understand it hurst however him and your children are your real family.
He is supposed to help that situation and apparently he is oblivious of it.
I was in your situation for 20 years
( with a daughter ) the family never welcomed me, I was ok with that
and it made it a lot easier for me when it was time to said good bye, now after 4 years that we separated,
his family “loves me”
Go figure :roll_eyes:

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Say something. Don’t just sit by and let it happen, speak up

My ex in-laws weren’t excited about me and I wasn’t excited about them either. What it comes down to is you and yours. I would in no way try to force a relationship where I’m not wanted, nor will I feel bad about not inviting them into my space.

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He should have stood up for you. You deserve better and his family is a bunch of b words

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Meh… her acceptance does not increase your value and the family are obviously twits… they’ve had relationships - they realise fully the situation and they’re deciding to be twits. Dont let twits rule your thoughts. :heart:

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Your husband is at fault for allowing his family to treat you that way.

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I don’t try to fit in. Been married 13 years.

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Don’t do anything! Come to terms that not everyone should be your “family” you can’t force his family to welcome you. If you did your best then let it go. It will do you good in the long run! You are blessed & lucky to have the loving people in your life that WANT to be apart of it. As for the rest…. They can screw themselves :slightly_smiling_face:

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Hun 16 years later and I’m still not a part of the family.

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Just don’t include them in your family stuff. Eye for an eye. Then see how it feels and maybe change their tune. But at the same time your husband is a complete ass for not saying something to them. He can’t NOT know what BS they’re are pulling and how it would make you feel after being together 7 years. He’s seriously being really insensitive of your feelings. You need to tell him what they are doing hurts your feelings. If he doesn’t say something after that don’t go to his family stuff. You don’t need to go and let them get away with that shit. Personally I would say something to THEM! 🤷 Tell them to knock that shit off or you won’t go to family functions achy more if they are going to be being so inconsiderate of your feelings. Your husband can go all by his dam self if he won’t consider how they are making you feel by their behavior!

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Apparently, you’re supposed to put up with bullsht…so you know where you stand. Talk to him about this, he may not understand that you aren’t there to be a doormat. And ask him to keep your marriage between the two of you. I’d let it go, myself. Keep yourself to yourself. Make them welcome when they’re at your house and go to theirs when you choose, send hubby and kids alone sometimes… Xx

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Ok, why the fuck hasn’t your husband said anything? Why did he let them disrespect you in front of his face? That’s not ok. He needs to be the one to set those boundaries with them, and it’s not ok that he hasn’t. The way that they treat you isn’t ok. The way that they disrespect you isn’t ok. He needs to set the boundaries that YOU are his partner, that YOU are his family. The fact that he’s just letting them disrespect and hurt you is baffling to me.

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Don’t sweat it. Do you Boo! Life is too short to worry about what others think of you.

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So you can either be married to your husband or you can be married to him and his family… which is more important?? I know it would be nice to be treated like part of it but the ones that really matter are you and him. This is also why when we as partners have “rough patches” along our lives DO NOT inform everyone about them because then they hold grudges and we end up getting over them :woman_shrugging:t2:

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The best way to solve this issue is to make a happy life with your husband!!! It is hard and hurtful what the ext. family is doing to you, but they can get on-board or kick rocks. Choose not to let them upset you and keep it moving.

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I had something similar happen to me. When my husband and I were married for a few years and had 2 kids his family asked if they could have their family reunion at our house because we had a large backyard and a pool. So while I was running around making sure everyone had food and drinks my mother in law got her family together for a picture. My husband and my kids were included but nobody bothered to tell me it was happening. I caught it at the end and when I told my husband he offered to get them together again but I was too upset to consider it and I didn’t want them to know how much it hurt.

With my oldest dad, we were together 6 yrs and his mom never liked me and it never bothered me. When I got prego she tried to tell him in front of me that it wasn’t his. Of course he defending me but I think when that happened I knew I really didn’t care bc I know my worth. Not everyone is gonna like you and whether u like it or not just have to deal with it. It does hurt a little but u did everything u could and have done nothing wrong. They just gonna be that ways. Only thing matters is how ur hubby thinks and feels
For you.

Focus on you, your husband and children. You can’t tell people to accept you and make you be part of their family, it just has to happen on its own. Show your love for them when you are around and let them accept you when they are ready.

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If they don’t like you for whatever reason, F’ em. Don’t go out of your way to appease them. If you need to drop them from your life, do it. And don’t for one second feel like you ‘owe them’ access to YOUR CHILDREN. I can’t stand when people pressure that angle. If they’ve toxic for you and your family, you don’t need them around. Do what’s best for your family first!

I know the feeling my first marriage his family always made me feel welcomed and loved. My second marriage I never felt like they really cared about me except for one of his siblings my first family always made him feel welcomed and now that we are divorced it really didn’t bother me to that no one cared how I was doing but you know life goes on and it also makes you stronger, I’m blessed to still have my first family the true meaning for better for worse. Just remember their losing out on how amazing you are again stay strong💪 and move forward for yourself and your family

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Find u a husband who actually cares to rally for yalls marriage like u do. Or focus on ur own family and fuck his. Stay away from them, love urself and the ppl who love u. Don’t worry about ppl who don’t. I’ve found that if u stop worrying about them and live for u, they will start to feel like the outsiders.

Trust me it will never happen

Uhm it wasn’t your wedding, you weren’t in the wedding party, why are you upset? You should actually be happy you were invited at all, cause it could be a lot worse. If everyone is reaching out to you more than ever, for you to make a big deal about their family having a family photo is quite over sensitive and could simply be taken as a call for attention which will cause a rift in the family, especially if try to get your husband to go against his blood family over something so silly. Im not sure if youre dealing with post partum or hormones due to having a child recently (from the sounds of your post) but it sounds like they are trying to connect with you, just because they don’t do 1 little thing with you does not mean they don’t like you. My family has a tradition of only having blood relatives in certain pictures at family events, of course everyone family is different, it doesn’t seem as intentionally vicious as you’re attempting to take it. They could have just forgot about you since they were busy having the most magical day of their lives (or however they see their wedding, everyone is different). You really shouldn’t be the center of attention at your husband’s family’s wedding, let them enjoy their day, if they wanted to hurt you they would have barred you from the wedding.

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F them plain and simple

Hey mommy! Don’t mind them, you have ur own family to deal with. :wink:

I know it hurts to be excluded like that. I too have been through those pains. And like a lot of people have said, especially for family pictures, a lot of time the bridge and groom have so much family and so many pictures to take. It can be easy to he forgotten and even easier to just he left out altogether. I was a little upset that at my cousins recent wedding, I was the maid of honor. I was the only bridesmaid and there was only the best man. But we didn’t take a bridal party picture. Idk why it upset me other than I felt like it was my lil section of spotlight that I missed out on. But I had to remind myself that it’s not even my wedding and if I thought my face was cute enough for pictures then I need to be taking my own. And I did! I even got some real cute ones with just my bride and I doing cute girly stuff. She gave me the time and I appreciate that all the same, even if I had to ask or even if it wasn’t the cool bridal party photos that I wanted. The day was never about me, so whatever bride and groom wants is what they deserve. Its also a struggle of being in a large family.