I don't get along with my boyfriends family: Advice?

So I have been with my boyfriend for 6 1/2 years. We got together when we were 15, we just recently had our first beautiful baby girl October 1st, 2019, but I just can’t seem to get along with his family… his mother and sister are always in our business, constantly putting their two sense into our problems … his sister recently got mad at us and threw in my face that she gave me clothes for our daughter ( mind you I didn’t ask for them she just gave them to me and I’ve told her to thank you multiple times ) and his mother talks mad crap about any and everybody but acts like she’s their best friend when around them … I don’t want to allow my daughter to be around them because they are her family, but I don’t want toxic people in her life … what should I do?

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Id like to know what the boyfriend has to say… What are his views?
Perhaps this is a conversation you should be having with him. HOWEVER, I do not suggest leaving your child alone with either of them. Ever. Sound like really toxic people :flushed:

You are allowed to cut people out who are toxic to your well being. Be straight up with them and tell them how you feel. And then that way at least it was said clearly and they can decide to shape up and if not you dont need them :woman_shrugging:

They dont sound toxic they just sound like they want to be that more involved in her life, but as for mentioning the clothes, id give her them back then she has nothing against you.

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Have some respect for yourself.

You do not have to put up with anyone who speaks ill, or treats you less than. Cut that shit out of your life.

Do what makes sense to you and your daughter…

I cut off mom and that whole side of the family off. Right before Xmas I even changed my number. Best thing I ever did. Family doesn’t mean shit if they are toxic

Limit contact with them

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Sounds exactly like my boyfriends mom and sister. I just stay clear.

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Has it always been this way? Or just since baby? My answer changes depending on circumstances.

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Stay clear. Let him take the baby to see them and you dont worry about it

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She’s YOUR baby. You are the boss of her. Make sure you man has your back.

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Keep visits to basic family functions holidays birthdays ect. The less spent together but that way ur including them in some way to honor ur boyfriend and she knows of the other half of the family

Is she abusive? Does she intentionally hurt you or others around you?! You can’t go cutting off people who make you uncomfortable. That’s your bf’s family. No ones perfect and maybe not getting to close is the answer. Pull back a little. Let her know her behavior isn’t settling well with you and then give her the chance to change. Everyone deserves a second chance after the situation is addressed in an appropriate Manner (meaning not getting upset and flying off the handle).

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Geez please tell me u don’t live them! I wondered cause u said their always in your business…and it should be your boyfriend to confront them and tell them to back off…if not I don’t know to say other than keep your child away the dysfunction.

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I would keep letting them visit, but tell your husband and of course yourself that neither of them get any info on what’s going on in your life. If they ask how things are going…GREAT! And leave it at that. Those kind of people are easy to spot bc they talk a ton of shit about others and somehow think you are foolish enough to believe they arent doing the same to you. If hubby needs to vent tell him to talk to a guy friend not his mother or sister about it.

He needs to do the talking.

If ur boyfriend agrees I would cut them out. The only way it would work out is if he on the same page sadly cause if not he can fight u on it and if u guys broke up ur daughter would end up on around them since that his family

Draw boundaries!! You are an adult and you’re now a mother. This was hard for me to actually realize. When they go against your wishes, stand up and speak. If they continue, back off visitation or talking. But, communicate. Let the sister know, that yes she gave your daughter a gift of clothes. And while you appreciate it, you’ve expressed that to her and will not have it held over your head. It’s what people do :woman_facepalming:t4: she’s not special. Both of you need to stop going to them with your problems, you need to make sure your bf knows that.

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All involved parties including your boyfriend sit down and set some rules and expectations and what will happen if those are not met

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Toxic is toxic :woman_shrugging: family or not.

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I’d like to hear the mothers side

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This is a decision that needs to be made between you AND your spouse. I dont communicate with my mother and will NOT allow her in my children’s lives. I dont always get along with my husband’s sisters or mother but he always defends me. I know where I stand and so do they. We don’t communicate with my husbands father. This is a mutual choice. We feel its best foe our family (my husband, myself and our 3 girls) if we don’t allow those particular people in our lives. Family can be toxic and you don’t have any obligations to accept that. However for the sale of the relationship with your husband, bring that it’s his family, it would be beneficial if he agrees with you.

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Your boyfriend needs to set his family straight NOW!! if he doesn’t, you’ll be in years of pain, fighting and even breaking up with him!

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Tell your man to grow a set and put HIS family in there place

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Would be nice if you’d could move.

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One thing I’ll always stand by, if they don’t like me or my child’s father, they don’t belong around my child. If they don’t like you, imagine what they may do to harm your child in spite of you? Not gonna take the risk 🤷 none of my fiance’s family besides his grandfather is allowed to be in our sons life because they’re toxic and abusive!

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Regardless of your feelings towards the family as long as they are not toxic to the children they should not be punished because you all can’t get along for whatever reason. I know my dil doesn’t much care for me but I know my granddaughters are my life . I would never talk badly of their mother or show any kind of ill feelings of her . It would be completely selfish to keep the grandchildren from grandparents as long as they are not toxic to them ! Just because you and the in-laws can’t get along . I couldn’t stand my in-law. But I would have never kept my children from her for my own selfish reasons . Very childish behavior. And don’t you want as many people to love your children as possible !?

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Lol. Why r u asking this now. Boyfriend 6 years now baby. Shouldn’t thought of that crap long ago.

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Your boyfriend needs to set them straight. And if he won’t then you do it. As for his sister and the clothes. I’d give them all back if it was me. That way she can’t say shit about it. Toxic is toxic whether it’s “family” or not.

They can’t be in your business if you don’t allow it, as long as your boyfriend isn’t the one telling them about your business and out if respect for you and your relationship he shouldn’t be telling them y’all’s business. So talk to him and he needs to put his foot down with them.

You need to have a talk with your spouse about limited contact with he’s mum and sister. See what he says.

Limited supervised visits.

Limit anything you guys can say to his family so they can’t have any opinions and if they start giving you unsolicited advice, just keep the conversation short and dont answer the phone or come over as much. They’ll eventually get tired of not controlling the situation.

Go back in time and not have a child with someone who you aren’t willing to marry or share family with after 6.5 years. :woman_shrugging:

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move away from where they all live

His sister has NO business at ALL in yours. Moms sometimes meddle but a sibling absolutely NOT. He should’ve already put them both in their place the first time it happened. That’s his toxic people. He needs tp tell them, disrespect her again and we’ll not speak to yall again. My husband would.
If they’re toxic to me, they’re toxic to my children. My kids won’t go to a place I’m not wanted, or where im talked about, Grandma or not, especially if daddy ain’t handling it.

Move a couple states away or across the US. She wont come that far to bug You . Good luck !

It sucks bad when this happens I am going thru this at the moment not with my partners family but some old friends and my own family I just put it all aside my child my rules if you have your partners support it will make it easier on you to tell them this good luck and remember people will always throw things back at you doesn’t mean you have to listen to it live your life as a family forget what they think

Good that you’re not going to allow these toxic people around you and baby. If they want to be a part of her life, they need to be respectful

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Give that clothes back to his sister!! Also talk to your boyfriend and let him know not to be telling his family what’s going on in your relationship. They won’t know what’s going on if no one is telling them what’s going on!!

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Like Jennifer above said. Make sure all relationship problems stay between you and him. When you tell other people your problems you are just inviting binds into your relationship. Also don’t share good news with bad spirit.

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I would:

  1. Either give the clothes back or hand his sister a cheque for the value of them, saying “Now, I don’t owe you anything.”
  2. Tell them to butt out of my business.
  3. If my boyfriend won’t back me up, I’d be telling him to move back home with mama, until he grows up.
    This whole scenario is way too familiar to me. I didn’t have a child, though. But, I did leave. Best thing I ever did.

Ur man is not a man. Check him about his family and y’all need to move.

I’d tell him to keep his mouth shut to his family where youre concerned. I’d tell his sister “So you gave her clothing. So what. I’m her mother and what I say goes. I didn’t ask you to so what’s your point?” Your baby doesn’t need that and the sooner you get it out there the better.

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Follow your gut… Ten years later I wish I had…

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I think you need to sit down and have a very serious conversation with your BF to discuss either cutting off contact or limiting contact to the bare minimum. If he wants to go and see his family fine but neither you or your daughter will be joining him.

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Choose if it is worth it, does he give you your place? If he is willing to do anything for his family which now is you and your daughter… he will do what he needs to do. Offer to move farther from where they reside.

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It will never change.

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Do whats best for her dear

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After 6 1/2 years and you haven’t married, I’d say he’s told you where you stand or you have told him and his family. You can’t pretend to be a unit if there is no glue, having a kid means nothing today in keeping someone in your life. Jump in and make the final commitment and also tell the family that their toxic ways will get them a no show in your family events and time with your daughter. Stand your ground on it because if you don’t, nothing you say after that will matter. Good Luck.

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Your partner needs to man up and tell his family to grow up and be respectful of you and your family I’d be moving far away from these spiteful jerks having a new baby is hard tiresome work you need to be comfortable settled and stress free to be a Good Mummy just ignore there crap keep your distance till they can wake up to them selves :rose::purple_heart:

A piece of paper ( marriage certificate ) is also no guarantee of solidity in a relationship .
YES it is a public declaration of your commitment - but is take more than that to keep the relationship strong.

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Good luck girl!! Been married 18 years with a similar situation (except the sister part)… I’ve been able to seriously limit the contact, but pretty much stuck dealing with it on holidays.

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Heres a question for you what is you bf telling them about you?

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First off you don’t need to do anything… your bf needs to grow some balls and tell them be nice to you … or he will stop talking to them. Period

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Oh yes after 6 years y’all should all ready be married sounds like your with a mommy boys

put yourself in their shoes. cutting off contact teaches your child that when they are older and they don’t like what you have to say or what you do, that they are completely justified in preventing you from seeing your potential future grandchildren. if you’re still ok with doing it… then do it. if not… then be an adult and sit down like grown ups and talk the shit out for the sake of the child involved in the situation and learn what family is about.

Do your best to always have your child unavailable to these people, trusy me please ive been there

U are not married to them your husband needs to make that clear to them. If u have a child together. It id his job to back them off. Stand your ground. I went through it for year’s and my x never defended me once. No matter what happened it was my fault. Made me resent him to the point of hating him. If he loves u he needs to stand up for u. Not their marriage its yours. No one can tell u how to feel but if i had it to do over. He could have been single alot sooner. Dont let them walk on u true they dont know what’s up unless he tells them. Ps stand up for yours weather he likes it or not

These kind of people will turn your child against u if they can. I never dreamed mine could be turned against me but from where i stand looks like it was easy to do. Keep in mind people have no problem lying if it gets them their way i lost track of the lies many moons ago

How do they know your problems?

I’d show her up in front of the people she talks crap about. I did it to my mother in law she moved states and keeps her nose out of my business. Has never met my youngest two kids and as far as the father of my kids and myself she never will

From my personal experience run like hell. You or your little family dont need that.

shoot record her talking crap on people and then play it around the person . sometimes it has to be done

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There are 2 sides to every story people.
Denying family members your children is sickning.
Maybe the girlfriend is the problem.