My daughter’s father and I are separated. He has a new GF. He and his GF have started taking my daughter on trips. What bothers me is that they all sleep in a bed together. She’s always co-slept, and I have no plans on changing that style for us. It works. I just don’t like the idea of her sleeping in bed with them. Am I absurd? Should I set a boundary? How would I enforce/hold him accountable if I were to ask him to give her her own space for sleeping? Though she probably wouldn’t get down with that set up TBH.
To be honest, I think you’re being petty. If dad decided your daughter shouldn’t sleep in your bed, I’m willing to bet you wouldn’t listen. You can’t restrict them from co sleeping. At the end of the day, the person hurt by this would be your daughter.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I don't like when my child co sleeps with her dad and his girlfriend: Advice?
So what this momma is saying is this child has always felt safe co sleeping. The child would feel unsafe and scared if she didn’t cosleep. It makes her feel uncomfortable so the child should be punished and feeling unsafe alone in another bed?
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Honestly if you’re co sleeping there’s no way you can tell them not too. Just cause it’s not you, doesn’t mean it doesn’t work for your kid. He is also her parent. Get over yourself, sorry not meant to be harsh but just truth.
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So tell me you have control issues woth telling me you have control issues
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You sound bitter, your child is fine.
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Sooooooooooo you say you always co sleep so I’m just not sure what the issue is all of a sudden??
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So, it’s okay for you to co-sleep with her because “it works” (it’s easy). But not for him? No offense but if your childs father chooses to co-sleep, it’s none of your business. If you got a boyfriend and still chose to co-sleep with your child and her father had a problem with it, I bet you would still do it. You’re probably one of those moms that thinks she can do whatever she wants just because she’s the mom. Moms are no more important than fathers. Moms should have no more say than a father. Just because you pushed it out does not mean you have a say over the child while with the father. Grow up.
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Please seek therapy.
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What exactly is it that’s bothering you? You don’t trust the GF or you don’t really know her? Maybe sit and discuss with your ex and see what’s really bothering you about it. I’m the BM and my son’s little brother, he’s 5 now, has been staying over since he was a baby and he always sleeps in the bed with me. Maybe spend some time with the GF. That might help. Wish you the best
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Why is it ok for her to cosleep with you but not her dad? You sound bitter and like you want control.
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Would a dad want their child co sleeping with the mothers boyfriend? Most likely no. So I don’t see why people think this is wrong. Should the child be able to co sleep with the dad? Yes but other people I don’t think so
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You literally just stated that the child co-sleeps and now you have an issue bc it’s with someone else ??? YOU have the issue not them so YOU need to work on YOUR insecurities about the situation.
Try being grateful that the dad and gf still want the child to feel safe and comfortable instead of scared and emotional and alone in a bedroom.
Oh and change your # from Parenting to #InsecureBabyMomma
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I guess it depends on how “new” the girlfriend is. I see no issue with the child co sleeping with dad but I’d be uncomfortable with my child sleeping in a bed with another adult that is not mom or dad. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable not to want her in bed with a new girlfriend.
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So it’s ok for you, but not for him?
It’s cute you think that the courts will even entertain this nonsense. A judge would laugh you right out the courthouse then tell you he’s giving custody to your ex cause you are interfering with visitations, which to be fair you would be.
Get help or your child will have a miserable childhood and suffer a lot
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I don’t understand, she can cosleep with you but you expect her to not have that comfort with dad?
Really think about how that would sound presented to the court
Your honor my daughter cosleeps with me because she feels safe and it’s all she’s ever known. I do not want her to have that with her dad because I don’t want another woman close to her. No safety concerns, just jealousy.
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Honestly wlshe came here for advice and yall all ripped her apart talk to him about it I had issues with my kids father doing stuff he shouldn’t have been qith my kids in the bed he hasn’t seen them in 7 yrs if you just don’t know the case don’t jump to assumptions that she is the bitter baby momma girl is just worried about her child is this a burn page or a mom advice page
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I think I would be kinda weirded out if my kid was sleeping in the same bed with someone who isn’t their parent . maybe that’s just me 
but then again I was molested by my STEPDAD because my mom let him step in on cosleeping, oh and did I forget he trained his SON , my step brother to do the same.
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Yup was told that by the ex. lol no. Your rules don’t apply in MY house. Be humble and happy your daughter is comfortable doing that. Open your eyes. Your relationship with HER father is over. You have no say in what happens in their household.
Honestly if your daughter is comfortable with it, I say let it be. When I was going thru my divorce, my soon to be ex put it in the papers that our daughter (2 at the time) couldn’t sleep with us. It was such a horrible thing. She felt that I was abandoning her and it was the hardest thing to do, especially when her dad (who was single) co slept with her. She didn’t understand and I had to follow court rules to be safe. I planned to marry the man I was with, been together 6 years now and once we got married that rule no longer applied. I would follow your daughters cues.
Firstly you broke up with your ex your child didnt break up with their their parents.
Secondly you and your partner are equal parents.
Thirdly you child feels safe co-sleeping with both parents, why would you want to br eak that comfort, attachment and bond with your child and their father?
Children need consistency, routine and supportive postive co-parents!
Comes across like your jealous of your ex’s new partner and the bond he still has with “his” child.
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In a way I can see why it would bother you, only because it’s a new girlfriend. I wouldn’t want it to be temporary and something that would come and go with any and all other girlfriends because that’s kind of weird for a kid. If he was married to her and she was steady in her life, I wouldn’t have an issue at all since I know my kids felt safe and were able to comfortably sleep without me there.
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If your not enforcing her to have her own sleep place at your house what makes it any different for when she’s with her dad??
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Petty. Be parents for the kid not jealous over the girlfriend it would make more sense for the girlfriend to not sleep in the bed than. The kid to sleep alone 
Parents need to work together to parent their children.
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That makes no sense and it seems more about your insecurities rather than what’s best for the child. If you don’t plan to stop co-sleeping it would be a terrible shock to the child if they cannot co-sleep with dad. If that includes a girlfriend, accept it. Co-parenting is extremely important. Successful Co-parenting is a 2 way street. How would you feel if the tables were turned on you and he demanded you don’t co-sleep with your child and your boyfriend???
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I think what she’s saying is the kid sleeps alone with her and it’s weird with the dad and his girlfriend plus wouldn’t they want to be alone
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You expect your co sleeping child to suddenly go cold turkey and sleep alone when she isn’t with you? What? Lmao quit being jealous. If you don’t like it, then quit bedsharing at home first. You cannot expect dad/new gf and your child to just automatically stop
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If you got a boyfriend would you change your child’s sleeping habits ?
Or sleep with them both?
I think ither way it’s not your choice to decide what he does when parenting.
If your child expressed a concern about it then I would make a fuss but if not it’s kinda controlling to expect him to do something you would do if in the same position.
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If the dad isn’t to co sleep then you are to not co sleep double standards and he doesn’t need to tell you anything re him and his partner. The child you say has always co slept this will be a nightmare if only they can’t but you can re co sleeping.
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You sound petty and can’t enforce anything if she treats your daughter amazing keep quiet your double standard is ridiculous.
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He should get rooms with two beds and sleep with his daughter and let his girlfriend have her own bed! She’s probably just as uncomfortable your babygirl! Or at least he could lay with her until she’s asleep! That’s what I always did when traveling with my bf! My daughter comes first! Always!
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You really have no say with what goes on at dads house… And your child feels safe with co sleeping arrangement… so unless you are going to stop co sleeping as well… you should just get over it… im pretty sure that if the dads gf is letting the co sleeping happen that she probably cares for your child a lot because a lot of gf/bf situations dont go well with co sleeping… how would you feel if dad told YOU you couldnt cosleep with your bf?which im sure you do with your child… wouldnt go over well… so ya let dad handle things when he is parenting he is obviously not being selfish if hes cosleeping on trips with gf it totally ruins the mood with feet in your ribs and a kid in between you ya know… you are lucky he has a gf who is supportive of your childs needs.
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I see a lot of unkind comments. But I also am reading that these parents are separated and to me that means that this girlfriend might be on the newer side. And I’m hearing a mom who very possibly co-sleeps ALONE with her daughter. I hear that her concern is her daughter sleeping with her father AND his new girlfriend. This is not a double standard. I was divorced when my oldest was 1-2 years old and he co-slept with me and me only. I would never have added a boyfriend to the bed because it wasn’t necessary or healthy. And my ex did and my son is now twelve and has a very very distant relationship with his father who always put his current girlfriend before my son. So before we judge, consider the possibility that this is a mom who is struggling with something that MANY of us would also struggle with.
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My son (2) always co slept from birth.
When my ex and I separated and I eventually moved on, and my new partner stated doing over nights, he knew well that either he accepted my son in my bed or else he had to sleep on the couch.
And now my son being a bit bigger and in his own room, when wanting comfort will climb in bed and cuddle my spouse.
I don’t see anything wrong with it
I personally would have no problem with it. His time his style of parenting.
However I do respect how you would feel, but how would you make sure that this doesn’t happen?? How do u enforce it??? You cant, unless you get your daughter to tell you.
If your daughter is used to cosleeping and she gets on well with both dad and his partner… as long as your daughter is happy and comfortable is what I would be more focused on
Honestly you sound like your not thinking about this from the perspective of your child… I get it’s weird to allow her to sleep next to another women that isn’t you…… however you co-sleep that is what she (your baby) is use to how are you going to ask her other parent to take away that comfort from her when your not prepared to change that situation yourself?? How is your child going to feel??
I would understand this! You never know people or know what they are capable of. If my sons father had a new girlfriend I would not feel comfortable with them all sleeping together even tho I cosleep with him. Don’t let these people call you bitter, it’s called PROTECTING YOUR BABY!
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to be fair i dont think i would want my daughter to co sleep with my partner (her dad) if his new partner was sharing the bed also same as i wouldn’t want her to share a bed with me if i had a different partner sleeping in it with me maybe try retraining your childs brain n rearranging her own room so she feels comfortable in there n can sleep by herself xx
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The way he does thing’s when he has her sound’s like some one is jealous cause their is a new GF SMDH
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You can’t have it both ways. What happens when you get a boyfriend?
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Seems like a you kinda problem, not a kid kind of problem
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I think I see what you’re getting at. Strange person that you don’t know well in bed with your child. If that’s the case, I can see where you’re coming from, but you also have to trust dad’s judgment.
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It sounds like you’re wanting the gf to sleep in another bed and your ex to sleep with the child. I hate to say but that sounds like control issues. If you have the child cosleeping then having the child in a different bed would cause her issues. You can’t control his household. You can’t control his relationship. Just want your child to be loved and know that the more people that love her, the better it is for her. If she’s comfortable cosleeping with them, what is the problem?
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You’re going to make this weird for your daughter. She is innocent. You should honestly be grateful the gf is fine with cosleeping. I didn’t like it. My little ones were all elbows and knees.
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I believe in equal standards. If you are going to keep coming sleeping then ge can to (to a certain age). What if you get a boyfriend, do you still co sleep? & in the same bed as your daughter? When I got in my relationship and moved in together I started weaning my daughter. I would lay down with her and when she’d fall asleep I moved to my own bed. She had her bed in my room until she got comfortable and now she sleeps in her own room (age 9). As long as you’re going to have the same rules for yourself then talk to him about weaning her as well. Personally I don’t feel comfortable with my kids sleeping in the same bed as anyone else besides me and their dad, my mom sometimes, only exception would be if they’re still little. My son is 11 months, if his dad and I weren’t together I’d feel comfortable with him sleeping on the same bed until he were 4ish, no older. You need to communicate, have reasonable expectations, and make sure you follow the same rules you agree upon.
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If that’s the only way she sleeps aren’t you setting him up for failure on getting her to bed at his house
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You have to realize, she’s not used to sleeping alone. That doesn’t change for her because she’s at her dad’s. 
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I wouldn’t be ok with some random person sleeping in the bed with my child. You can have in your custody agreement to not have partners around the children until they have been together for a certain amount of time. I would tell the father why it bothers you and ask him to have the gf sleep somewhere else when your daughter is there. If he doesn’t do it I would talk to your lawyer and see if that is even something they can help with.
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If he can’t then you can’t. Or maybe your child should start to sleep in their own room and bed. Like what happens when you have a new bd? Mmmm I don’t think you will have any problems, I believe your just saying this cuz he has a new gf and you don’t like it that he has moved on.
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If she co slept with him before you split, then you need to look deeper at the real reason you’re mad.
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Try to get to know the new gf . Maybe you might like her and be ok with her being around the child and co sleeping.
First of all how old is daughter,is toddler or little
Older
Start training her to sleep by herself. Then tell her father u have started training her to sleep by herself and he should do the same. Case closed. I understand your discomfort but if the relationship is that serious u need to start getting along with the other woman she might just be here for life
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Yes, you’re absurd, the end… get outta here with that “she cosleeps with me, but I don’t want her to with them” whiny BS
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Jealousy isn’t pretty, darlin. If they aren’t being inappropriate around your child, then don’t even bother with it. No need to make an issue where there is none.
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It sounds like your are jealous and using that as an excuse! He is going to find someone and be with someone else that u need to accept! I don’t want to sound like a bi$@h and it’s a very hard pill to swallow!! Just remember you got the best thing from him his child 
hugs
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She is used to co sleeping that’s the right thing to do be grateful they’re willing to do it as well
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It is what it is….your idea of what your ex should be doing with your ex and your and his daughter is your right, but also be open to that you also may be in a similar situation at some time.
Maybe not or maybe, but if it bothers you as her mamma so much, maybe when she is with you, teaching her to sleep in her own bed and then she may or may not sleep in her own bed there.
At the end of the day, if she is safe and comfortable at her dads house with the said partner you may have to accept.
Good luck with the outcome 
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I’m actually super impressed his gf is ok with this. She sounds like you got lucky that he has such a great gf that treasures his and your child
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Good for the goose… good for the gander
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Basically everyone on this post think it’s acceptable for a stranger to sleep with a child….this is no different to a child walking off with a stranger and that’s ok is it everyone?
You will need to set boundaries, men don’t see what they are doing as problematic, best thing you can do is get her sleeping in her own space, rather than try and get them to coparent with you, I can imagine the more you ask, the more they will do the opposite.
I understand you and no you don’t need to get to know the gf in any way shape or form
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The problem is she co sleeps with you and I assume with him all this time so saying oh she can’t do it at her dads now probably wouldn’t work for anyone. So you could start to teach her to sleep by herself and have him do that also. Or tell him that the girlfriend can’t be there which I’m sure won’t go over well and he probably won’t listen. Or trust him and that he wouldn’t have someone bad around his daughter.
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They are probably equally upset that they have a kid in the bed with them 
I’m not shaming co sleeping, I did it. You can’t expect your kid to do it with you and not him. It’s probably the only way the kid knows. Don’t make it out to be something it’s not, it’s a kid.
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If you have made co sleeping the norm. Why would you punish the kid… Its normal to feel jealous when a new female enters your kids life. But dont punish the kid for it
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He’s her dad if he wants to co-sleep you have no say!
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Should be happy the new GF cares about your child to allow it. If you want the kid to sleep in his own bed (which is more logic at 5) you have to do it in both houses.
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What he does when he has her is out of your control. Let it go. You have to trust he loves his daughter and trust he will make the right decisions for her. Trust until he gives you a reason not to. He’s going to parent the way he parents and if you worry yourself about it, it isn’t going to change anything but cause drama. I know this from experience.
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Maybe I’m the odd ball here… but if it’s not a serious relationship and they havent been together long then yeah I think that’s weird… is she gonna sleep in bed with every woman he dates?? How would he feel if she was sleeping in bed with you and another man?? Idk. My kid’s dad and I are still together so maybe I’m not the best for advice. It seems like they probably have no choice though since that’s how she usually sleeps.
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You could explain your discomfort to your ex. Ask if the girlfriend would sleep in a different place when he has your daughter so she can still co sleep. Though depending on your child’s age, perhaps it’s time to have a bed of her own.
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Me and my ex had a 3 month rule when we broke up (mutually agreed),so that we could work out our new partners,my little lady didnt meet my partner for 6 or 7 months after we got together,the one relationship she had in the past 5 years which lasted 2 weeks i found out she introduced my daughter to him just after a week, needless to say i was pissed, as long as its not an in the wind relationship i cant see an issue to be fair,so long as shes decent and your daughter knows who her mum is at the end of the day
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Absolutely hell the F no.
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I’m assuming you are going to let her co-sleep with you and your bf since you have no plans of changing it??? I guess you and your ex should agree that you both sleep in between your daughter and the gf/bf
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What would you rather?
Dad make your child sleep on her own when she is used to co sleeping?
You don’t get to control what happens at the other parents house, that’s not easy but it’s the truth
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Reckon if we were discussing a step dad instead of a step mum co sleeping with child you all would be causing an uproar
I personally would express my concerns but if you know the girlfriend and trust her, I think it’s amazing your ex has found someone who accepts him and his child as there part of everyday life 
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Discuss it with the father like dies she sleep on the side of him does she sleep in the middle . And to be truthful my question is why doesn’t she have her own bed now old is she ? .when does it stop. Adults need some privacy and if you and the father plan on dating other people how safe is that knowing or not knowing if you relationship with others are going to last .and what values are you teaching the child by you both allowing her to sleep with complete strangers( per say)
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How on earth is it ok for you as the mother to co sleep but not the father?
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if you were to have a partner who shared YOUR bed would you continue to co sleep?
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Important correction….
our daughter “my daughter” makes you selfish. Takes two.
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Okay so my only concern is that she says its a NEW girlfriend. Meaning the girl has not been around very long and shes already sleeping in bed with her daughter. Now if the mom knew and trusted the girlfriend then id say keep your guys norm but the fact that the girlfriend is new makes me wary.
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His time, his rules, hes her dad, and while with him, he will keep her safe and happy, you can’t control what he does at his own house, like he can’t control what you do at yours, if you have concerns, take it to court.
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Sorry but why is it okay for her to co-sleep with you but not her dad? Especially if you aren’t trying to and dont plan to change it?
Would you be saying this if it was just daughter and dad??
Feels like youre being immature, jealous and spiteful because of the new partner. Be thankful he has a girlfriend that loves your child like that.
Grow up, and get over yourself
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Omgoodness! Seriously! Dad and gf can sleep separately when co sleeping child visits. Something that can be in custody agreement. No one of the opposite sex can sleep over when child is visiting. The child has a huge amount of issues to sort out. This is a situation that can be put on the back burner.
I love my children enough that I can sacrifice my wants above their needs
It is to worry, putting a girl to bed with a stranger, without knowing what kind of person she is, with so many dangers, besides, I don’t even want to think that he will sleep her with every woman that goes out.
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I would talk with dad and calmly explain your concerns. Just be civil and talk to him about how you would feel more comfortable if it was just your daughter and him sleeping together without the girlfriend with them.
However if you are co-sleeping and your boyfriend is in the bed with you then you need to show the same respect and just keep it you and your child. You can’t dictate what he does on his parenting time. You will have a much easier time if you coparent and do what’s best for your child. Also maybe ask your ex if you can meet the girlfriend. Sit down and talk with one another and get to know each other. It seems as if your child is comfortable with his GF which is wonderful but I get where you may not be comfortable with some stranger sleeping next to your baby.
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You can’t encourage her to co-sleep with you and then sleep alone elsewhere, she wouldn’t understand. It seems she co-sleep with both her parents, or none. Which would you rather?
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If it was a new girl NOOO my daughter sleeps in her own bed t my house and at her dad’s she sleeps with his girlfriend and him BUT she’s been around since she was a newborn it makes a difference
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OP you say yourself that your daughter probably wouldn’t even settle without co sleeping. So sounds like dad and new gf just carrying on what you started. If you want them to change how they sleep you have to aswell and teach your daughter to sleep alone. You cant have 1 rule at your home and 1 for dads. I personally hate co sleeping with my son, hes a horrible fidget and I spend the whole night trying to keep him in the bed or his foot out my face. Hes like a oiled up dolphin when hes asleep and I dont get any sleep. We reserve co sleeping for if hes ill, other then that at 18 months hes in his own room, own toddler bed with blackout blinds and no night light.
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My partners son Co slept with his Dad until I came along. He was 8years old. I told him over my dead body would I allow co-sleeping while I was staying the night. I didn’t feel.comfortable sleeping in same bed let alone same room. On the odd occasion he would sleep on a mattress on the floor in the room. He now sleeps in his room school nights and in the lounge in weekend. He is now older and prefers his own room almost all the time for privacy anyway
That’s her father. Can’t be ok for you and not him. Smh 
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It would depend on how long they’ve been together? If for a short while I feel your feelings are vaild but if it’s been a decent amount of time I don’t see why it’s a problem? Since bub is already co sleeping with you, I don’t see the difference would be with co sleeping with dad and partner? You’ve got to think of the situation too, is it a flatting arrangement or has she got her own room?
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Yea I fear this with my beautiful girl.
It sucks because no matter how well you know somebody you never know what they could be capable of.
I’d be angry at the fact she is a new girlfriend too so he hasn’t known her long at all to me that is dangerous selfish and reckless.
Unfortunately nothing can be done I’d just hope daddy is in the middle at best…
Personally it would kill me inside but I know I couldn’t do anything about it.
I would never have another man co sleep with me and my daughter it’s just wrong in my personal opinion
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She should have her own bed both ways.
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How often is she over there though? So from the point of view of someone who is married to a man with a child by someone else, if it’s only like an every other weekend situation I would feel odd as the brand new gf cosleeping with another woman’s child, & I would honestly sleep in another room or on the couch those days to let them have their time together bc I also find it odd for a stranger to be cosleeping with someone’s baby. Also, I don’t cosleep at all with any of my children, so I would probably feel the same way even if it was more than every other weekend. My stepson is awesome, so it’s nothing like that where I don’t feel close to him or something, but I’m big on respecting boundaries & I wouldn’t want my kids cosleeping with a brand new gf at dads house either. But like I said, I do not like cosleeping at all, so in my situation it wouldn’t be happening at my house & i would be asking them not to do it at his either. But that last part is just MY situation as a non cosleeping parent.
So you say you co sleep with her but you don’t want dad doing it. What dad does on his child has noithing to do with you as long as it’s not dangerous. Stop trying to control him
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Yes it’s both of your daughters when you say my daughter it just seems like you’re just jealous because you did and it with to be honest she probably wouldn’t want to be by yourself but it’s okay that’s nothing to stress about so just sit down with her first your daughter and ask her her opinion or how she feels of the situation before making any excited moves because she’s okay with being in that bed depending on the type of man he is he could use that against you to make you look like the bad guy but talk to your daughter and be firm that the structure that you said it your house stays the same but either way you still bring it to the father’s attention and say to him that you have a structure that is good for her and that you encourage him to stand behind that structure because it’s both of your daughters well to him you say it’s our daughter and we want to raise her up with good structure if he goes against that then he’s just a hole and not a good father there’s a way to twist things for what you want for the good of you and her.
You can do it and that’s how she is comfortable but you don’t want them to do it?
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If you have no intentions of stopping cosleeping then it’s a bit unfair demanding that dad does. If she’s always coslept then it’s likely going to be a tough transition for her to go into her own bed, unfair to expect dad to have to make the transition just for you to cosleep with her again at home. If you want to make the transition at his house you’ll havr to stick to it at yours too.
Discuss it with him if there’s an issue and see if maybe you can both agree on a compromise but honestly if you’d continue to cosleep if you have/will have a new partner one day then your being a hypocrite and you just need to speak to the dad and go from there but it isn’t one rule for yiu and another for him sadly
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The more people who love your kids, the better. Just stop already. I’d just be grateful his girlfriend and him are willing to make my baby feel comfortable, loved, and at home. Grow up already.
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She needs to stop co-sleeping with you if you want to break the habit. If you are uncomfortable with it, break the habit, or allow the habit, if you are comfortable with it.
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