My mother-in-law invited my husband for spring break vacation, just him and her and her two daughters. I’ve had trust issues with him, women, recently drug abuse, he’s clean now (so far), and he’s been jobless for over a year. I have been the only one bringing any kind of income into the home for about a year now. Has he worked overtime to make ends meet, and should he get rewarded? We have three kids together, little ones, and she never considers them nor asks about them. He is aware that she isn’t the best grandma to my children but, of course, covers for her as his mom. Yes, I feel left out, but not only did I not get to take my kids anywhere for spring break because I’m cautious with money, he never wants to do anything, even if it’s the park. He let me know she invited him to leave within 24 hours, and I got upset and asked if he really thought he deserves to go and if it was fair for him to go while we stayed behind? So much more in detail bottom line is I don’t trust him. It’s a work in progress, I don’t trust my MIL and I don’t believe it’s fair ?!
Not fair. I would be pissed
Why are the Royals so upset about Oprah when they stood by and could have protected Harry and Megan from the tabloids itheir and what was said. Does not make sense sorry.
Id want him to go maybe when he came back hed be a better person to be around
I wouldn’t put it so much as “deserving” to go. No, he shouldn’t go. He’s the stay at home dad, you work. If you don’t get a break when you’re handling things, he definitely does not need to go out of towm on an unplanned trip with what equates to zero notice when you have three kids together. Has he planned for child care while you’re at work? If not then sorry bud. Part of being an adult member of a family is making sure your things are handled and it definitely did not sound like he had anything handled to put less stress on you. Time with momma, great…if she doesn’t hinder his recovery which is going to be a thing the rest of his life. They can have time together and she can visit her grandkids. Not take your support away.
Maybe you and the kids, could go somewhere, Its time to pack your grip.
I’m just straight baffled if this is how your relationship is like why are you even with him like your doing everything yourself anyway and you don’t trust him so why even be with him life is short to be to be miserable and dealing with that he’s a man child throw the whole man out he’s showing you who he truly is by his actions cause a real man would work and provide and help with his kids and a real man won’t go anywhere with out his family know your worth
Make him take the kids at least
You already know the answer, time to cut momma’s boy lose.
give him so be days to get a job or be out-he don’t work-he don’t eat-why do you fool with him?
Girl you deserve better and so do those babies. I hate to say it you are better off without all of them.
Let him go…then you and your kids go wherever you want and enjoy Spring Break without either of them…
A man with no job! Let him go and tell him not to come back until he has a job
I would change the locks while he is away. Pack up his stuff and deliver to his mum’s place. You and the kids will be better off without him. Move him home to his Mumma and let her continue to make a mess of him,
Let him go … pack his shit while he’s gone.
This is what you should say, when he says he’s going…
1 not fair no 2 I think you guys need counceling or divorce there is no relationship without trust. You deserve to not have to worry about making ends meet, drug issues, and infidelity. You deserve a partner. I would let him go and think long and hard. Possibly start the process while he’s gone and it’s easier. Not saying you dint love him but this isn’t a healthy relationship. You now resent him. And your kids deserve a better grandmother. You are a wonderful mom and are kicking ass at it. Keep your head high momma
You can’t really control him although your reasoning to be upset is fair. If he’s really that bad especially doing drugs I would’ve left. I can only stand by someone so long doing stuff that will hurt our relationship and kids but drugs would be the line that I would never let be crossed
Reward?? Deserves?? Is this ur husband or ur child?
If you don’t trust your other half! Then “why” keep having kids!! Especially w/someone who doesn’t contribute to your household! Why not just be on your own get on your feet & find someone whose a real man & a father to your children!
I would tell him if he’s packing for spring vacation than he’s packing all his sh** for many new life on his own. You and your kids deserve better than him
Divorce. And not just because of the whole trip issue. To me it sounds like hes just a piece of trash and hasn’t done anything but make you feel bad and insecure. Honestly that is not what any relationship should be like.
Nope he shouldn’t go.
sounds like to me he needs to move in with his mom 
Once again I will ask this question, WHY ARE YOU WITH HIM? If you don’t trust him, he’s not helping financially and he doesn’t want to do anything with you and the kids, why stay. If you’re doing everything by yourself, you might as well be by yourself. Give his mother her child back and you move on with your kids.
You dont trust him… let him go and tell him his stuff will be at his moms when he gets back 
If he decides to pack for this trip… just walk in nicely, and say
“make sure you pack everything” and walk out!
Tell him to go live with his Mammy
All of yall saying divorce is ridiculous
SHE stayed thru drugs and cheating.
And jobless happens
To say he dont deserve to go
…pfffft
Let him go. Have a great time without him
I agree with you 110%.
If he chooses to go (that would be some balls clearly he is lacking then change the locks and divorce that POS you deserve better!!
Let him go…
.forever !
If you don’t trust him, it’s already over.
Sounds like you have 4 kids!
I would tell him if he packs to go, he can pack to live there.
I would say she should offer the whole fam to go… thats kind of messed up. Id say no. What about the kids? I would think it was wild if my significant other tried to go on vacation without us when we havent been able to go at all… maybe he should just go live with his mom if hes okay with leaving you all behind to go on a vacation you werent invited to.
Tell him to make sure he takes all he needs … let him figure it out from there. Damn man child!!
It’s his Mum but 
I feel like there is a bigger issue here and it’s not really about the fact that his mum wants to take him away for the weekend?
Forget him going out, divorce him. Yikes.
He’s a mammy boy, he’s not going to charge, I feel it for you hun, thats so rong of her to do that, if I was you I’d leave, it looks like they don’t care, I hope you will be OK hun, you deserve so much better than that hun, look after yourself 
xx
We have a rule if one of us gets invited we don’t go (if it’s drinking or a vacation) if both of us are invited but one of us doesn’t want to go we don’t go.
I don’t blame you feeling the way you do!
I say tell him to go and have a good time. It sounds like you could both use some time away from one another. Use the time he is away to do some serious inner reflection and decide if continuing the marriage is really what you want and is what is best for you and your children. Id also say use the time to spend some time with your kids. If you can’t afford to take them on a trip for Spring Break find something fun to do with them locally.
WOW HIS YOUR HUSBAND NOT A KID OR A PET … let the man spend some time with his family … yes your his family as well but some relationship last long with time spent apart he dont need to be stuff up your butt 24/7 because you don’t trust him in being a good" little boy " you choose to forgive him for his mess ups and if you can’t handle him not being with you then maybe it’s time to call it off … you don’t own him
Cut him loose. Sounds like a waste of space. You’re doing it all on your own anyway. You don’t deserve to be treated like a second priority. You and your children should come first 
Sounds like you should let him go… And change the locks while he’s gone. If you don’t trust him, the marriage is already over.
If he even considered going without you or his children you need to just cut your losses on that bc he clearly has no respect for you or yalls relationship given everything you’ve done/are still doing for him and ya’lls family.
I think you need to calm down and let the man be with his Mom. She won’t be around forever. And if he is a recovering drug addict then let him be with her. Maybe he is afraid of working and falling back into something he doesn’t want to do again. Your awfully judgy for someone who has held on this long. Even thru the bad. And 4 kids later… Going to throw it all away because he has a Mom that’s want to be there for him.
He should go and live with his mommy…apparently he acts like a child and should b treated as such. Lol for real. I works b highly pissed. Esp if he hasn’t worked and is a lazy bum…Idk whole story. But why would he even consider it if his children weren’t at least invited? Crappy to daddy the least
Lmao YTA. Who are you to forbid him from going out with his mom? Go out with yours and leave the kids with him when he gets back if you’re that bitter about not getting a vacation away. As far as your thoughts about cheating and issues, what’s he really going to do with his mom and sisters there? C’mon now
Once the trust is broken there usually is no coming back.
Also, be clear with him your expectations and your needs from him as a wife and the children’s needs from him. If he doesn’t rise to the level then cut ties.
I’d tell him if he goes not to bother coming back. Sounds like you’re doing it all on your own anyway. Let his mother take care of him.
I’ve been a single mom for years. It’s hard but it’s much easier than doing it on your own while with someone who doesn’t help or respect you
What a POS! Mine feels guilty eating our favorite food without us! Where do these men come from???
If she is willing to pay his way then let him go. If he can’t get a job to pay bills then he needs to be gone anyway.
Really just sounds like you need to break it off in general. It’s not whether he deserves to go; he can absolutely go on a trip with his mom. But it’s more about the fact you’re not happy in this relationship. As someone who use to just stick around in shitty situations with men, I’m advising you to choose your own happiness. It is so much better that way. I wish you the best
Did u ever talk to his mother,tell her how you feel.
This is on your husband
Are you nuts? Let him be with his mom. It’s his family, and that way when he comes home he’ll most likely feel better and have a clearer mindset. That way you guys can focus on your family and he’ll be more willing to take you out. If u constantly treat him with resentment, he’s not going to want to keep clean, work on ur marriage or be anywhere near you. Are u willing to to put ur resentment aside to work on your marriage?
If you do everything yourself you might as well be single.
I don’t know how people stay in relationships like this.
Is he taking the kids?
He’s not a husband. He’s still a son. He needs to decide to be a man to his family or let you be and move on. I admire your tenacity in keeping him with the issues he has already given. Let alone his mums disregard for you and your girls. Think about what you deserve and don’t settle for less.
Sounds like mom is an enabler. I agree with you and your feelings are absolutely valid in my opinion. If he chose to go it would speak volumes to me about him as a man/husband/father.
Does his family have a “Spring Break” or other vacation tradition with just MIL & her kids? Does mom live out of town & this is the only time she gets to see her kids? Was this a sudden opportunity (maybe someone backed out & now there’s room for one) or planned in advance and sprung on you last minute because of how they knew you’d react? OK, MIL might have offered to have you all come along if you could pay your way, but if she can only afford to take your son, maybe that’s why you weren’t invited.
I think you are resentful he gets to have fun and you don’t, especially after you fund the household and economize. Unfortunately life isn’t fair. He should be more considerate, but a free vacay is hard to resist. Can you do something fun while he’s gone?
Was your man more productive in past years? Is he a loving partner and good dad? Does he watch the kids while you work? Write a list of his good points and bad points,the joys and sorrows you have with him, and see how the list tilts. What are the pros and cons of staying with him vs. divorcing him? What would you gain and lose from each?
You sound exhausted and in need of refreshing. Do you have friends or other family who could help you? Do you have friends who live in fun places you or you and the kids could stay with for a fun weekend? Plan on some relaxing “me” or spa time & make it happen.
Once you are more relaxed, it’s time to sit down with hubs and then MIL to have a heart-to-heart (calmly, unemotionally) with what you want to see happen. Think about what you really want, and negotiate to make it happen.
I think he should go. And while he’s away you’ve plenty of time to pack all his stuff and leave it at his mummy’s house
Sounds like it’s time to kick him out…you’re already supporting your kids and doing everything so why keep him around…
I think it’s time for you to love yourself more and move on. Not sure why you’re sticking around, but without trust, you have nothing.
I admire your loyalty to him, it must not be easy. That being said, you have some honest soul searching to do. You’re holding it down at home, basically on your own. What does he contribute to you and your children’s lives? Better yet, what does he take away? I’m rooting for you.
Well if that’s how you feel then it sounds like it’s beyond time to obj his bags and let him go with his mom permanently. You have to have trust in a relationship and when it’s not there it’s already over.
Sounds to me you are a single mom anyways! You deserve someone better. Kick his ass out and send him picking to his moms house.
Let him go and let him live the life he wants. You’re causing yourself trouble by continuing to do it all on your own. He’s clearly grown comfortable in that situation. There’s a lot to unpack here but it’s pretty clear cut where his priorities lie and that’s with his own comfort and enjoyment, not you or the children’s.
You aren’t dating a man, you’re dating a CHILD… any man would never do ANY of the things you listed in this post here plain and simple
Your MIL is very problematic. I would be very upset
I’d feel the same way do girl. However, as much as you may love him and want him to be the family man that you and your kids deserve, he is not that right now. Imo- You should tell him to go with his mom and not come back. You deserve to be happy. Your kids deserve you to be happy. How can you be happy babysitting a grown man? Maybe he’ll straighten up and realize what he had once its you’re no longer there. In the end, I hope it all works out and you’re happy.
Ma’am he hasn’t worked in over a year AND he was cheating. Let him move in with mom
I would get out of this so called relationship. This will continue.
Do your kids and self a favor, Encourage him to go and change the locks so his mom can support his drug habit and jobless azz .
The fact you keep saying he doesn’t “deserve” to go on a trip with his mom and sisters is throwing me off… But if you know you don’t trust him, why are you still in that relationship?
I’d make sure he got his mother in the divorce!!
Let him go pack his stuff leave it at her house and lock all doors
Let him go, change the locks while he’s gone.
Sounds like your ticket out. Don’t sink with the titanic. If you are going to struggle might as well do it alone.
Let him do what he wants, that will tell you what you need to do.
If I were in your shoes, I’d pack while he’s gone…
Either way, from what you’ve told us…I’d leave anyways. He’s unemployed, AND doesn’t do anything with or for your family.
Ditch the turd and live your life
Throw the whole boy out… Leave “Norman with Norma” so they can keep their weird relationship and find you someone who wants to go on adventures with you and those babies… Also I know this situation all to well I personally just left a 10 year situation similar to yours and Im NEVER going back. Feel free to message me if you need to just vent, rant, or bitch or just need a friend who knows what its like… I promise you though leaving him was the best decision I ever made.
Yeesh, you don’t get to decide whether he deserves it or not, you’re not his mother and he’s not a kid
Why are u trying to make choices for him? If he isnt using family money (mom is paying) let him go let him do what he wants and watch the choices he makes. If he fails which sounds like to you he already is. Change the locks on him… his choices were made. U should never beg for someone to be what you deserve.
Wait…" deserve " 
imo I wouldn’t put it that way. Yes , agree this is a very selfish act on his part. Imo you shouldn’t have to explain to a partner how much the other sacrifices, they should see and acknowledge it. And from what I can gather here is they don’t and has frustrating as that may be. It’s not your job to explain it. Imo id say I’m not here to explain why this is upsetting on many levels to me ,you are grown and are going to do what you want… just know this conversation is not over and if we can’t find common ground this will change the structure of this relationship if things don’t change.
I’d say shape up or ship out…pretty simple
Leave if there’s no trust
Tell him to go with her and he can keep his ass at her house and not come back. Screw that.
Let him go ,pack his stuff ,change the locks & see a divorce lawyer . Toxic relationship
Let him go…and when he comes back, his shit will be on her porch waiting for him. If he doesnt want to man up and contribute to the house and thinks nothing of leaving you and his kids behind in less than 24 hours…ei yei yei. File for custody and divorce, and he can live with mommy. Grow up, dude. You have responsibilities. Step up. Hes another child in this situation. You need a teammate. Not another dependent.
No trust nothing left
I think that’s STRANGE
Let him go. Pack his stuff and tell him to stay with his mother.
Are you the wife of a grown man or the mother of a child? It’s not up to you what he “deserves” or if he is “rewarded”.