If he “deserves to go”???
Damn, you’re toxic AF
I don’t feel its your placed to see what he “deserves” or what he “should be rewarded for” you are his wife . …not his parents. I understand your frustration…but if you feel the need to “mother” him…then leave
8 Likes
Sounds like a very toxic environment altogether 
2 Likes
Change the locks if he goes… Fuck that shit… Let his mom take care of him.
When i was put in a very similar situation roughly 7 years agooo. I told him if he left with his mom he didnt have a wife to come back to… And i stuck to it… Fast forward im divorced and been with a MAN for the past 5 years and never regretted the decision i made… For me or my children… I dont want my children growing up thinking that that is acceptable behavior… Regardless of marriage
16 Likes
Why are you still with him then? You’re basically his second mother. You should’ve tossed the bum after being jobless a month and him not being out there trying to get his life together.
5 Likes
So bad of the MIL to even ask him alone to go for a holiday without his family
6 Likes
If you don’t trust him there is no point in being together. Let him go and have his stuff packed for him when he gets back.
5 Likes
Let him go on his vacation with his mother. When he comes back, let him find an empty house. Get out of this toxicity.
9 Likes
I don’t understand the part that says “he’s worked overtime and deserves to go”. How has he worked overtime if he doesn’t have a job? Do you mean he’s helped around the house and with the kids --meaning doing his part as a dad/husband?
Let him go on vacation and change the locks 
6 Likes
It sounds rather like this is a relationship you need to sit down and seriously evaluate. He’s taking serious advantage of you.
3 Likes
Did you let his mother know he slipped into drugs and that he has been jobless and not even looking? I mean if his mother is still wanting to take him on vacation then whatever but id let him know as a stay at home father his duties include childcare during your working hours. He needs to find a replacement while he is gone and best hope that he has a house and family to come back to. I also don’t think it’s ok for you to say what he deserves. Stop mothering him.
1 Like
O wow a real man wouldn’t leave his family behind that’s 
messed up even for him to consider it I’d be pissed off too 
good luck with this one…smdh
1 Like
Haha excuse the language but F him and her. Gotta get out of that marriage. Neither one of them respect you or your kids
3 Likes
He is not a little kid reward lol. Maybe his mom wants to spend time with him to see how he is doing.
1 Like
What he deserves lol maybe you need help… work on your trust issues
1 Like
Wow really? He dont deserve to go with him mom…wow. Thats a lil selfish.
1 Like
I second all the above lol
Let him go with his mom, but either change the locks and evict him or pack it up and move out
5 Likes
He doesnt care about you, at all! If he did, he would have never accepted the invitation and would have spoken up for you. Like defend ur name, as his WIFE, since you was not in their presence. Yall deserve better than that BS. You doing it on ur own anyway, so why put up with that mess?? His mammy ain’t shit and she raises him, so what does that say??
(I’m agreeing with all the above)
But…
Maybe a get away would be beneficial for him.
Maybe he’s struggling with depression which lead to drug use. Maybe he worked a job before and got burnt out while helping take care of the kids, working and other obligations.
That doesn’t excuse any of it, because now it’s all on you, however this could be good for him to come back refreshed and ready to help.
Maybe have a serious talk.
Trust me I feel it, some days it feels like “how could he be possibly as stressed, or tired as me after I’ve done all this today …”
I know this is all circumstantial but for my family I know with my husbands mental health struggles, it’s exhausting on him too.
Also, maybe suggest his mom have a small trip with the kids or watch them for a night so the two of you can have a break.
Honestly if my husband was a drug addict and didn’t work for over a year whether he got clean or not. But he wanted to leave and go on vacation and leave you behind to continue working and taking care of the kids? I’d be pissed too. I honestly don’t give a shit what anyone else here says either lol. Maybe “deserves” isn’t the right word to use here. But I’d definitely be reevaluating if this relationship is even worth it. You’re being taken advantage of.
Although I totally see your side of it and can understand you feeling hurt. But, she is his mother, and I am sure she wants her kids together and see how well her son is doing with his sobriety. As a mother , I have lost many sleepness nights over my sons and their addictions. I lost one son, not to addiction but that is a pain no mother can stand to live with. Also are your children his? I am not understanding the distance between her and the children? I personally would not stop him from going, maybe his mother is ill and she wants to tell her children being together? If none of these are the factors, then he is just using you dear. If you been doing it all on your own, then he is more of an asset then a partner.
2 Likes
Sounds like 1 less mouth to feed and 1 less person to clean up after. I’d let him go and use the time he’s gone to consult divorce attorney’s
15 Likes
SO MANY issues to unpack here, but for starters- what kind of grown man goes on vacation with his mom and sisters and leaves his wife and kids at home? I just don’t get it.
19 Likes
If there is trust issues
LEAVE
2 Likes
Don’t turn your husband against his mother. We are not perfect and everyone got their own issues in life which you are not aware of!! So be considerate and help him to improve his relationship with his mother, not cut him from her 
. May God guide us all.
1 Like
If it was me I’d send him on his merry way and have a lovely time at home (doing local things) with the kids. Create your own memories with the kids. Good luck mumma.
6 Likes
I definitely wouldn’t be there when he got back! 
9 Likes
Oh hell NO!! I wouldn’t put up with that shit for one second!!
If I had to do it all “ by myself” I’d be just that!!!
BY MYSELF… and not have all the headache that goes with being with a bum, and his enabling mother!!
She’s a piece of work! 
You know what to do so do it. Good luck
If your working. Then he can go. Take the kids along with. You shouldn’t have to pull the whole show.
4 Likes
As a mother of 4 grown children I would never ask them to go overnight anywhere without their spouse and children. Now that I said that I do at least once a year would love to have lunch with only them. But that is rare.
13 Likes
Pack his bags and leave on mamas porch
16 Likes
U don’t trust him there is not marriage, or relationship of much of anything and for reasons. And no he doesn’t deserve do go , u said already he doesn’t want to do anything with ur or the kids not even the park, he wants to be FREE, it’s clear as day ur a SINGLE PARENT ,a mother of 3 littles and by yourself.
7 Likes
Change the locks while his gone. Obviously you don’t need him.
15 Likes
I’m confused. Why aren’t you divorced? He contributes nothing.
15 Likes
Did he go though lol
3 Likes
No… You don’t tell him what “he deserves.”
You tell him what YOU deserve.
18 Likes
Just going to be straight up here. If you’re worried about him cheating on you, keeping him from going away isn’t going to prevent that. I don’t agree with any of what is going on there. But you need to know that you cannot stop the man from cheating. And if he’s that type of guy, you deserve better and need to get out of that relationship because not only is it unhealthy for you but it’s really unhealthy for those children to see the results of a failed relationship. Those kids need you, mama to be up to par. Not all stressed out about what bs their father is getting into.
6 Likes
Leave you home with 3 kids while he goes on vacation? Oh hell no! MIL sounds like a ass!
You are a package deal, where 1 goes, you ALL go. Pack his stuff and leave it at his mother’s house. Tell him that when he decides to actually be part of the family and participate… That includes getting a job and supporting HIS family, then you might consider taking him back otherwise he can stay with mamma. There is no trust any more, you need to move on for your sake and your children’s sakes
18 Likes
That’s rude from the mother as well. Why invite only him, if he has a family already? If he goes, then leave him for good. It’s messed up from his mother, and from him too for even considering it.
3 Likes
Let him go. In every sense. He makes no effort. He doesn’t contribute. There’s no trust. You don’t have a relationship worth keeping in all honesty. You are doing it all on your own as it is and he’s just someone else to clean up after when with the home, 3 kids and a job, you gave enough to do. Tell he can go, but he will not be coming back and pack the rest of his stuff as your final job for him, while he’s away if the only thing he does for you is arrange a friend with truck to come, collect his stuff and drop it off at his mums. After everything, that’s the least he can do, then live your life with your children
Whilst he is gone, pack his stuff up and leave it out the front. Just chuck it all garbage bags as well as change the locks whilst he is gone. Send him back to mother dearest where he belongs. He is a spoiled brat not a man.
10 Likes
Shoot girl let his momma take him back. Bye don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya. Sounds like a crap situation that you should run like hell from. You are doing this on your own might as well make it permanent and have extra money in your pocket he would have eaten up then wait a bit and find someone who would treat you and your wonderful babies like royalty.
4 Likes
No matter how hard it is for you to do, cut your losses. You might not see it now but you’re a single mother and you’ve been doing well on your own thus far.
9 Likes
Yea…let him go and pack his shit
Kick him to the curb sounds like a?loser to me
21 Likes
Definitely not fair at all!!!
2 Likes
Time to throw him & grandma out to the 
17 Likes
Why are you with someone you don’t trust, probably shouldn’t be with him at all
14 Likes
sounds selfish to me he should be staying n helping with the kids. what does he expect u to do with the kids. he would throw a fit if you did it to him. kick him out n move on
4 Likes
Not fair sweetie, but why o why are u settling for less when life has so much more in store for you?
Pray… let go and dont control
Ur too good for him
Ur kids will be fine…
4 Likes
Sounds like a good time to pack up all his shit tbh 
31 Likes
Okay, sorry to be rude. But break up. If you can’t trust your partner then you shouldn’t be together. Otherwise, suck it up, and move on. If you want to be with him, stop blaming him for mistakes in the past.
3 Likes
Look at yourself in the mirror an find your worth …Move forward an go find your happiness an then keep adding to it
1 Like
You’re not going anywhere… so stop complaining.
He sounds like a headache, yet you made 3 children with him, and you’re determined to hold on to him.
My only advice would be: hold on to him… that way he’s not polluting the dating pool.
49 Likes
Let him go. While he’s gone pack his shit, set it out, and change the locks. He’s just another kid for you to take care of and the worst kind. Give him back to his mother and tell her she needs to finish her job.
27 Likes
If you don’t trust him, you probably should not be married to him.
Has he been getting unemployment for the past year at all so he has some spending $$?
If you are paying his trip with his mom, I would not give him $.
Otherwise, if he has his own $, then let him go. He is an adult. Maybe his mom just wants to spend time with her kids for her sake.
2 Likes
If he goes, he doesn’t come back to your house. You don’t trust him why waste your time.
3 Likes
If theres no trust its time to go. It will ease ur mind n peace. No he dont deserves to go. While he gone change locks serve him with papers n arrangement on when he can pick the kids up. Your worth so much more.
2 Likes
The fact that he isn’t contributing and that he is completely fine with ditching you for a vacation without a second thought is your sign.
14 Likes
Ohhh hunny I spent 10yrs with a mamas boy. My MIL was(is🙄) a horrid woman. My ex use to do this crap all the time with his mom. Chose to go with her Christmas eve instead of being with our daughter and I. It doesnt get better, no he shouldnt go and if he does that speaks volumes in your relationship
7 Likes
I think you already know what you need to do. I wish you and your babies all the best
6 Likes
Take this time he’s away and pack his stuff, change the locks, and drop his stuff off at his mom’s place. Doesn’t sound like a great environment for the children to be raised in. Their father has yet to grow up and stand on his own two feet.
18 Likes
It’s not fair BUT what os even more unfair is how you’re allowing yourself to live with this “man” you deserve so much more than what he is putting in. I rarely say to leave, but in this case…I do think you’d be far better off without him weighing you down.
7 Likes
Take his place and you go sounds like you deserve the vacation
2 Likes
There’s no good advice besides leave him, take your kids and let his mom have him.
Find someone who respects you.
12 Likes
The day you have to start parenting, punishing, and determining what your partner deserves in life, is the day after you should have filed for divorce.
He’s a grown man, not your child to deem privileges out to. If he, as an adult, continuously makes decisions you don’t agree with, you can only blame yourself for staying. Let him go, and budget in a vaca for you and the kids. Or budget in a lawyer and kick him out.
18 Likes
Throw him out and all the baggage girl. Too much going on there.
3 Likes
Put him out and let him go back to his mommy’s house. You are obviously carrying the financial responsibilities and do not trust him. Let his MOM be his keeper.
20 Likes
If his mom is paying for the trip you realy have no say in if he deserves it or not but if you don’t trust him that’s a whole other can of worms. and that’s something you need to decide if it’s something your willing to work on together or not
1 Like
Yeah personal trips w mom aren’t a thing once you have a family…imo
9 Likes
Let him go. It could be a blessing. Sounds like he belongs more with his mama anyway.
5 Likes
Pack his stuff while he’s gone, dump it on his mother’s porch, change the locks, and serve him with child support papers when he gets back !
19 Likes
Yuck, mil’s suck. Mommas boys for husbands usually comes with resentment which will slowly eat away at your marriage 
imo.
I still am trying to figure out how to let go of resentment!
If it doesn’t work out, I’d recommend finding a man whose mom is gone already 
sorry, not sorry.
1 Like
Heck no he doesn’t deserve to go. Especially while leaving his family behind while he enjoys himself 
4 Likes
This is your sign that you don’t need him. A man that is unwilling to contribute to a family is unnecessary. A man so willing to not speak up for his own children is trash. A man that doesn’t respect his wife as a human being that deserves respect is trash. Sorry not sorry to be so blunt but it is what it is. Been there done that. Held onto the “idea” of a family unit longer than I should have
15 Likes
Ya fuck that.
Not to be rude, but you need to put your foot down, pack his shit, change the locks and be done.
WHAT YOU ALLOW WILL CONTINUE.
best of luck to you and your children.
9 Likes
I mean… it seems you can do bad all by yourself. I’m just saying.
2 Likes
You don’t need him.
Move on before your kids think it’s ok to grown up a bum.
2 Likes
God that sounds awful. What a lazy SOB. Let them go and then while he’s gone put all his stuff out. He can move to mommies house
5 Likes
Let him go and change the locks while he’s gone. U deserve better.
6 Likes
I don’t have an issue with going on trip with his mom. I went on trips with my mom. It’s everything else that goes with it.
4 Likes
Trying to wrap my head around the initial question. Huh?
3 Likes
Tell him to make it a permanent vacation and stay with his mama. You already do everything, you don’t need another child to care for.
14 Likes
let him go. tell him to take his belongings. star over he sounds like quite the problem lol
3 Likes
Sounds extra extra toxic
4 Likes
Let him go and leave while he’s gone
6 Likes
The very fact that YOU. DO.NOT.TRUST.HIM. Should tell you all that you need to know. You already know what you have to do…
7 Likes
Deserves? That’s gross. He’s not your child and you don’t own him
As a grown ass adult he us responsible for his own choices. If the trust is gone then either get therapy or leave
This whole situation sounds toxic af
18 Likes
The wording of the question made me gasp.
First, you’re his wife, not his warden. He is your husband, not one of your children. If this adult is so misguided, maybe he needs to be with his mom so she can continue raising him and not at your home causing trouble. It is not your job to parent this man. You do not give the commands on what he is doing.
He sounds awful. But it also sounds like, your attention needs to be redirected elsewhere.
Marriage is never 50-50. Sometimes it’s 90-10, 40-60, etc. We all need a break, and it sounds like you do. Sounds like he has issues to work through.
7 Likes
Just divorce him.
What do you have to loose?!
1 Like
I understand what your saying but your not his mom if he wants to go let him go what you need to worry about is changing your situation you can’t change him it won’t happen so change the locks get rid of his stuff drop it off at mommy dearests house and move on
9 Likes
Last time my hubby wanted to leave for a week of racing, I told him if he went I was moving out… guess who didn’t believe me? Guess who was moved out by the end of the week! I dont blame you one bit!!
8 Likes
Yah sounds like hes not going to change and isn’t working towards changing and his mom enables him. I know its easier said than done… but leave…
2 Likes
I’d let him go. I’d pack for him. But he’s not coming back. Sounds like you’ve been handling everything alone anyway so send him off, wish him well, and then act like you have no idea who this stranger is at your door trying to get in.
11 Likes
“deserves”… yeah he isn’t a child and should make his own decisions. you’re basically saying “you aren’t a good boy and you didn’t earn this”. Stop treating him like a child.
If you have issues with trust, get couples therapy and decide what to do from there.
11 Likes
ya that’d be a no go idc if its mom or not
1 Like