I don't want to go to my fiances mothers thankgiving: Am I wrong?

No if they are making you uncomfortable don’t go. Why put up with the bitching is it worth wile …no your husband needs to respect your wishes tell him he has a choice …if they are more important then you know where you stand .

Nope I wouldn’t put my kids in such a toxic situation your kids are just as important as his daughter and he needs to put your kids happiness first as well his daughter ain’t the only child in the relationship! Talk to him Hun x

1 Like

I personally wouldn’t go. If I don’t feel welcomed than that’s their loss. I would plan my own dinner & let your kids go if they want. If they do go than relax & take it as me too :blush: when they are back you have food made :purple_heart: life is too damn short to have to deal/ stress about that stuff. I don’t think it’s okay that the step mom still goes. That makes no sense. Your husband choose you, he needs to make that clear & make everyone understand that…

The entire situation reads as exhausting. His mother is too involved in his relationships and he lacks the backbone necessary to address this. Additionally, you sound like an immature drama llama. The entire post is a prime example of why people should possess maturity, security, and good sense before they decide to breed.

1 Like

Ok so my dad divorced my mom when I was 3, he met someone else when I was 9 years old and got married. We would go to my grandma’s for the holidays and never ever did my grandma ever invite my mom over mom would do her own thing, my dad made sure of that. My mom was a little crazy and a little jelouse of my step on because well my dad divorced her and could not stand her she was a very angry person and could not see sense in anything and also did not want to work and that became a big problem and started to drink and that became a problem and then abuse came about so he said forget this divorced her…sadly she got the house the kids everything and he ended up on the street…but he surivived and my mom got remarried but my real mom never was at my grandma’s for the holidays after they divorced. I feel sorry for the situation your in. Your kids and you come first but your fiancé should not be dragging you over to his mom’s with kids involved to be force to have dinner with his ex wife that is sooooo incredibly wrong and I think if she wants the holidays with the kids she needs to do her own thing and stop interfearing in her ex husbands life along with his mom, omg his mom is a nut what you do not want is to marry someone who has a mom that disrespects you and treats you like crap…i think you need to talk to him about this if he loves you enough he will listen , if the talking does not work break off the engagement and go find yourself a new man this guy is not worth it…that to me is sick and sad. I had a ex fiancé myself and the crap I went through with him was so terrible and I ended up breaking it off with him thank god no kids were involved but he was mentaling abusing me , physically abusing me and verbally abusing me…it was sad and I did not understand it so left him and threw the ring a him found someone else and very happy and married now…do not settle for this crap that going on my god woman if the talking does not work and he saids tough crap and countiue with not putting you and you kids first then bye bye leave

1 Like

No. I wouldn’t want to go where I’m treated like garbage either. :woman_shrugging:t2:
“Family” or not, toxic is toxic, and you DO NOT have to put up with it.

No relationship is worth that much misery

No ur not wrong… I say fuck his family…not the kids but fuck the rest of them people. I have the same problem I got to the point where I got fed up with giving them chances 5 years of giving chances to them and now I’m at the point where I want nuthin to do with any of them. Gud luck. Don’t let them run u over

I could say alot on this but all i will say is why is she going to be there and your still around…smh. You got me fucked up. Good bye!

Your so right, don’t marry because it’s gonna get worse. The 2 of you get into counseling asap and get things straight.

All I will say is do not marry until you two can come to an agreement over this. In-laws and other family members appear to be important to him and you must compromise on some things to keep the peace between you and him and the children involved. He should be the one taking up for you with anyone that is disrespectful to you. I would go and just be happy to be with him and the children and consider this as you doing what’s best for your relationship. Let everyone see that you aren’t backing down, that no one will come between you and your relationship with the man you love. Prove them wrong. Let them get a look at yawls happiness, kill them with kindness. A bad relationship with his X won’t be good or healthy for the children, put them first

If he allows them to treat you this way leave him period. Only you have the power to make yourself happy. A stable and emotionally mature man would never allow any type of behavior that hurts you.

21 Likes

Ummm…tough one. I would go, help as much as you can, be super sweet…then if they are still ugly to you and your fiancé allows or defends it, run for the hills!

2 Likes

So is the mother the center of the problem or the ex wife. Which one is stirring the pot? I believe in co-parenting if at all possible. If I was going to be mistreated at this place, I would not go, but is his mom the root? If you removed her from the equation could the three of you successfully cop aren’t?

2 Likes

Save yourself the pain and stress. Cook at your house. If he wants to go to his mother’s house with the ex wife, let him go. You do not need to kiss nobody’s but, You and your kids need to be happy on the holidays too.

7 Likes

Go to your family holiday dinner & he can go to his. It’s really that easy!

2 Likes

Sit down with all involved and attempt to resolve the conflict. If that isn’t possible refuse to go and attempt to come to a compromise with your fiance on splitting the holiday between your family and his.

2 Likes

I completely agree with Nicole Cook. The husband or fiance should stand up for his wife or fiance but he should also be able to visit his family and not have to choose between the two. If in-laws say something you don’t like, be the bigger person and just say excuse me politely and walk into a different room. They will get the clue. Grandchildren should be able to grow up knowing both sets of grandparents and family should not be kept from their family.

1 Like

I’m a boy mom (12&5&2). Reading this breaks my heart. I can see all sides here (if I force myself). My husbands mother died before we met…so I’ve never had a mother-in-law. Talk to her! She loves him as much as you do. You share common ground…build
On that. The ex, mine has one, they have kids together. The oldest got married, I knew she didn’t care for me. Her own resentment, nothing to do with me. On her sons wedding day, I went to her and told her how beautiful she looked (she did). I had to hold my Tongue all weekend (I didn’t really know these people), but she ended up being graceful and my husband was grateful.

1 Like

You’re not wrong. I’d let him go and make your own dinner at home. Your kids don’t need that kind of negativity on the holidays

4 Likes

Why are you with someone who wants to spend the holidays with his ex and who would tolerate the x and mom treating you like that? You need to know your worth.

1 Like

Nope. I would be staying at home where it is stress free. Let him learn how to grow a pair and stand up to MIL on how to both butt out of his relationship and check her on the lack of respect she is showing.

4 Likes

No don’t go to a place where people don’t like you. I have been avoiding some of my husband’s fam celebrations because they dislike me :woman_shrugging:t3: i rather not get involved with drama.

I’d go and be yourself and be the finance he fell in love with. He chose you. It’s about family and about showing the kids everyone can get along. You not going shows pettiness and also makes them believe they won. Just go, be nice and enjoy the time and remember who he comes home to. His mom will always be his mom, she will always be protective of him. But he loves you and his future is with you. The holidays are only 2 days a year :heart:

3 Likes

Just remember while you are over on your side judging them he has the choice of a life partner, he has no choice about who his family is. Prove them wrong and be a bigger person.

7 Likes

When my husband and I were dating, he NEVER would have let his x-wife or family be disrespectful. I think he’s your problem- not them.

4 Likes

I don’t go to my husband’s family anything … they’ve disrespected me too many times and I’m not going to let my kids learn that people who supposedly love you treat you that way… because they don’t! If I were you I wouldn’t want to go either

10 Likes

He needs to speak with his Mom and Ex about the situation. I still say go and show them they aren’t going to keep you apart.

1 Like

If he chooses his family over you you’re in the wrong relationship his daughter should be number one you should be number two in his family should we number three if you’re not put before his family and how you feel and what you need and you’re never going to get what you need and he will never consider how you feel. if you let this happen and you accept this your setting the tone for the rest of your relationship. You will always have to be the giver good luck

2 Likes

Have you expressed this to him? Is he understanding of your opinions & feelings or does he dismiss them? If he dismisses those feelings then I would make it very clear that you won’t be put into a corner.
He should always take into account your feelings too. I understand what makes his daughter happy. It sounds like mil still wants him & ex to be together. He needs to let his mother know that he intends on staying with you & she needs to respect you. He should also tell his ex that if she can’t co-parent then they can start doing things differently. Unless you’ve given her reason to mistrust you, then she needs to quit being a hateful person & move on.

2 Likes

Wait!! RED FLAG!! U can do 1 or 3 things 1. Cut your losses now end the relationship to early for all this DRAMA… 2 Go and make the best out of it do your part to keep the peace don’t let nothing they say or do brother u…3. Make up in your heart/mind y’all will never spend holidays/special occasion and family gatherings

2 Likes

In my opinion… if these things are already creating drama and you aren’t even married yet… RUN!!! The drama won’t be going away, it’ll just get worse.

1 Like

Nope. Been married for 12+ years if I don’t feel welcome I don’t go. No faking it! But, I also expect respect on my husbands end. Your fiancé needs to set some clear boundaries and have some tough conversations with his mom and ex.

12 Likes

No! I would not go, why make yourself miserable. if he was any kind of a man he would stand with you in your decision.

1 Like

I think it’s the ex wife stirring the pot. Hateful creatures.

Go dress to the Max and hold your head up High he married you don’t let your Mother in laws drama chase you away because she wil think she’s won be especially affectionate to your husband show him how much you do love him and you will win the battle

1 Like

I wouldn’t go but all I see is more problems to come if u dont

Life is too short to be miserable. Do not go if it will make you unhappy.

Let your boyfriend do what he wants but stand your ground and do what is best for you and your children.You can set boundaries and tell him you are not dealing with the drama and disrespect and neither are your kids.Have your own holidays at your home and he can go by myself to his mother’s! And if they talk shit about you he should be a man about it and put them in their places.Sounds like lowlife trash and they need to mind their own business!!! His mom sounds awful and so does his ex.Hope everything works out for you but if I were you I would not allow that drama around you or your kids.

1 Like

Nope! I wouldn’t want to go neither!

1 Like

I wouldn’t go but I don’t go where I don’t feel comfortable

1 Like

Go because you love your husband anything else doesn’t matter

2 Likes

Mother in laws suck i absolutely despise my husbands mother

1 Like

I don’t blame you one iota.

Your not wrong.not wanting to go.

I was in a relationship like that he left me for his mom I’m praying for you.

If he is a true man of God, he would stand up for you. He would not allow anyone to disrespect you. I had a problem one time with my mother in law. My husband cut her out until she apologized to me. A man is to forsake his parents and cling unto his wife

3 Likes

Girl, you need to end it now!!

1 Like

Not a good situation. Best to find another boyfriend

2 Likes

My husbands ex and his step daughter tried to start crap with us before we got married right after we got engaged. His step daughter posted stuff on Facebook including her mom it was disrespectful to me ( they put my name it it saying I’d never be a grandma to his step daughters kid). Well my husband (fiancé ) at the time picked up the phone and called the step daughter and told her basically if you disrespect my fiancé you disrespect me and told her off. He also added if she’s not gonna be his grandma than I am not his paw paw. They spoke couple other times after that always ended in argument. Once we got married she hasn’t spoke to him since. We have been married 5 years. If he is not willing to stand up for you you don’t need him. His ex used to send him pictures before we got married also. He had to handle that with law involvement. Since we have been married haven’t heard from either. Course him blocking some phone numbers helped lol. He tried reaching out to her once we were married she said as long as he’s married to me not to call or text. He told her thought you’d be happy since I’m so happy now but thing is she wanted him to get back with her mom. They’d been divorce 22 years lol. Oh well we are happy. We have a grandson from my son that we spoil and my husband says it’s his first grand baby. If you don’t want to go for thanksgiving don’t. Go to your family. Take turns each year his family one year yours the next that’s what we did before my mom died last year.

1 Like

Hell no you are not wrong for not wanting to go…as I have always said…why go somewhere I am not wanted, screw that…
And if he CANNOT understand that, that’s on him…your idea sounds cool…and his mother needs to shut the hell up…if she is not going to give her son what he needs she needs to shut the hell up…it has been my experience with women of this kind…you will not be able to come to a civil comprise with them because they DON’T want one.
So, stop wasting your breathe.
You just keep keeping your side of the street clean and hopefully they will grow tired of trying to make drama if you don’t feed into it.
Aaanndddd…I truly believe if your soon to be husband truly loves you HE WILL STICK UP FOR YOU with his Mom and stupid Ex…she is an Ex for a reason…I would give this a deadline and if it doesn’t change I would get my happy ass on down the road…LIFE IS TOO SHORT to be living in this kind of BULLSHIT…Good Luck…:heart:

I would sit down with him and have a little talk with him about it. There should be no reason for this. If they still goes on. I would throat punch him.Then I would leave stupid ass.

Look you could listen to these other people of what you should do, or like someone mentioned before talk to your fiance, be truthful not malicious or anything, cause if you can’t tell him honestly how you feel without we starting, then ask yourself do I want to be hopefully it will work out and be happy? I was in that situation, and Thank God we stood together not taking any b.s. from any side. We will be happily married for 29 years in March next year, and have been together 31 years. I truly wish you the best of luck and whatever you do, don’t bring anger into it

I agree with what you want to do. I didn’t get along with my ex mother in law so my ex would go over there with the kids for a few hours on thanksgiving than come home. And they would go over for Christmas Eve and be home that night. If he isn’t willing to understand your feelings and compromise you need to reevaluate if he’s really the one for you and your children

1 Like

Although his mothers in the wrong, you should never feel entitled enough to have the power to “allow” daddy daughter time. She came first , you come last. End of story. Buck up or back out babe!

6 Likes

Not at all, she is verbally and emotionally abusing you! This started a lot of fights between my ex fiance and I, his mother was very abusive towards me and I refused to be in her company. Stand your ground and talk with your fiance about how she treats you.

1 Like

Ya…maybe you misspoke when you stated you “allow” him time with his daughter. He gets to do that. Did you mean, you don’t trip about it? Either way, his kid comes first for him and you gotta accept it or break it off.

Having multiple kids with multiple people isn’t a big deal, so if MIL is talking shit, she can F off.

His family doing holidays with the ex is not okay. She’s the ex, doesn’t matter if she’s baby mama. You break up, things are now separated. Little girl can go to mama’s family’s home for Holidays and they can switch off. It’s weird and confusing for kids. Speaking from experience.

Talk to him. Talk to MIL. If you can’t get respect from them and give respect for daughter, time to call it quits.

2 Likes

Stop acting like a saint. Everyone in a blended situation has drama. Having said that, I would refuse to go.

I’d just explain to him you want to enjoy the holidays and that you feel uncomfortable and unwelcome. He should understand but if he doesn’t I’d really rethink your relationship. I’m not saying leave but I’d ask for a serious conversation and if it isnt compromise then I’d consider some space to put things in perspective

2 Likes

I don’t blame you. My mother in law never gave me a chance. Fast forward almost 10 years after having a baby… she finally wants me around. My fiancé had it out with her though because she wasn’t even asking about our daughter then all of the sudden thinks that we will play big happy family. She invited us over for thanksgiving which we said no. My fiancé was hinting at having her over our house. I don’t feel comfortable with it. She has injured herself places to get money. I don’t want to be sued. Your boyfriends ex should be just an ex. She shouldn’t be coming to the family get togethers. Her opinion only matters when it comes to being around her daughter. Your boyfriend needs to correct his mom and ex.

2 Likes

I think it’s time you stand up for yourself, and your fiancé backs you up. If he can’t, or won’t then I’d rethink who I’m about to marry.

6 Likes

Well I can see it. You DO NOT ALLOW them daddy daughter time. That is clingy as hell. That’s not treating her like your own. That’s you realizing you gotta suck it up and deal with the packaged deal. And the people backing you up are just as bad. Your making him choose between you and the person who birthed him. Would you want your child blowing you off for the holidays because they got with a person you don’t like? I don’t think so

1 Like

If you are marrying him you have to overcome all that drama either set everything straight or move on without marrying him because you are marrying into his family that means his ex too because she is part of his family rather you like it or not time for some grown decision making because marriage is a big step

2 Likes

Rethink this relationship!!! This man must not have a spine if he is allowing his mom to treat you like that!!! Run!!!

2 Likes

Interesting how the comments are all over the place.

There is probably truth in his moms assessment of you and you don’t like it. You don’t have to like it but you’ll do better to not be triggered by it.

That said he sounds like he needs to stop letting the women in his life run his life and make better decisions.

Make your own turkey day with him at another time. You don’t have to go to his moms.

Also I would really consider whether this is the right situation for you.

1 Like

Fiancé needs to speak up & put people in their place about how they talk to & about his fiancé. His family or not I don’t care. If your fiancé can’t stick up for you now then it’s going to be a long miserable marriage. Whether people like you or not they can either grow up & talk things out with you like an adult or deal with it & shut up. They obviously have zero respect for your fiancé too if they’re saying these things to him. If he won’t stick up for you then I would end things. And as far as the ex coming to Christmas, I would understand that if everyone was getting along but it sounds to me like MIL is just trying to stir things up. I stopped going to my hubby’s families side get togethers when they started getting disrespectful towards me. If fiancé can’t stick up for you then he can’t blame you for not wanting to go. That is a miserable way to live & I hope things can get worked out for you.

2 Likes

Women like your boyfriends ex are the reason that when DFS is called for a real serious issue … something doesn’t get done because either they don’t get there in time or don’t take the case seriously.

1 Like

Holidays are for happiness!! Dont go.

No I feel you have a good reason for keeping the distance. And as you said he could go for awhile then eat with you guys. I would do the same

Be an adult for crying out loud

1 Like

DO NOT GO end of story