I have a five year old from a previous relationship who’s father moved over an hour away with his parents… I’m taking my son back and forth every weekend, and he doesn’t. Even offer gas. He does NOT pay child support either. I feel like I’m being taken advantage of but also feel if I stopped, it would hurt my son. Really need advice on what to do because driving almost 6 hours a weekend is becoming very difficult seeing u have a newborn also. He does not have a vehicle, so meeting he is out the question.
Does his parents I mean it’s not fair for u drive all the way ND he don’t bother to help w gas
I mean if he’s not willing to help on his own, have you thought about support to cover travel costs?
court ordered child support would be the first step. he helped you make the child. 2nd have his parents meet you half way
Can’t his parents meet you in the middle
Take him to court what are you even doing?!
Its for your son!Hes the most important reason you do what you do!
His parents could give him some gas money to give you. I’d make him or them meet me half way
Is you son wanting to go? Is he asking for his dad? If you continue to take him do it because it’s what’s good for your son. Not because it makes it convenient for the father. If we do things for people who are ungrateful, it will in turn make us spiteful and bitter. Good luck
There’s no way I would continue doing that. Yes, your son should see his father, but it’s not your responsiblity to make it happen. If he wants to see his son, he will figure out a way.
Should be meeting half way for pick up and drop off. Get a court order.
Take him to court. Regardless of him having a car, half (if not all, since he’s the one who moved) of transportation logistics and cost is on him.
Is he court ordered for child support? If not, you need to file for support. If he is and isn’t paying, ask for garnishment. If he works under the table…I have no suggestions for that one, but do let me know if you come up with something
File for child support on both and tell them to meet half way
I wouldn’t do that. I would make dad figure something out. Either his parents can help or he can pay for gas. I would also seek child support
His parents can drive him. He needs to man up and help out. If he wants to see the child he’ll find a way. Tell him your car broke down and see what his reaction is.
I should add I live less than an hour from my child’s father and per our court order he’s to pick her up on Friday’s by 6 pm and I am to go pick her up on sundays by 6 pm. His weekends are the 1st 3rd and 5th weekends of the month.
What does your court order say
Girl get a life why don’t you just lay down for him look stop being his puppet what foes he do to help you for the kids an does not even help with gas nope I under stand you are trying hard for your babies but he needs to help even a little money an better then none he does not value you has his mom or respect you or he would be swimming through a bed of snakes for his child you are a good mom you deserve more from him
Does your baby even have a father if he can’t even get off his ass, make effort & pick up his child? No way mama, your already juggling enough, you dont need to juggle him too cos he can’t shape up Your child will make their own decision about how they look at dad, it’s up to him now…
Take him to court, what are you wasting your time and resources for that could benefit your home with your child. Unless he’s disabled there’s no reason he shouldn’t be working, have a car and hell his own place and be paying support especially if he wants time with his child being hours away so often. And every weekend is excessive with you footing the bill cut that shit back to every other weekend until you can get his ass in gear. If he’s not in prison no excuse for not working to help.
Here’s some advice…STOP! That’s crazy to let him take advantage of you like that! If he’s not paying CS then he can afford a damn car! Explain that you can’t do it anymore and let him be the bad guy!
Why are you doing all the work?
It’s his responsibility to be a parent not yours to make sure they have a relationship.if he wants to be a dad and see him,he will find a way.he can go to court.he can take a bus plane FaceTime whatever. He needs to put the effort.so stop and go get child support
My sons dad pays child support and it’s always been a half way thing. We meet in the middle. He lives 7 hours away and yes we drive that 3 to 4 times a year. He needs to help at some point
It’s not your fault he is in the position he’s in. I would nicely explain that it is a financial drain on you and you have a new born baby and it is difficult to do every weekend. Maybe look at cutting the visits down and ask his parents if they could make the drive once a month to collect your boy and drop off.
Go. To. Court. Get a court order for visitation and support. Not to scare you, but if there’s no court order in place and he’s bio dad, when you drop him off, technically he doesn’t have to give him back since there’s no order in place specifying time and days.
1.) File for child support.
2.) Maybe switch it to every other weekend
3.) No it’s not your job to accommodate your ex’s needs…but you’re right…it would hurt your son if you just completely stopped.
He can atleast offer gas money wtf?
Can’t he use transport???
Please stop the nonsense
Here’s a great way of doing this. Explain the situation. Tell him to get his shit together and get a vehicle. You’ve gone above and beyond what most mother’s would do to keep a father involved. If he has any reason or excuse why he can’t find a way to work a few odd jobs and get a car then explain to him that his other option is to go to court. Where child support will be mandated, along with custody, and if he wants visitation they’ll designate a meeting area that should be close to halfway in between.
As for you other women chill the fuck out. All of you want to just go straight to court and child support. Atleast bring up the option of fair communication. LET THE MAN CHOOSE to be a failure before you take him to court. It’s not fair to anyone if he IS trying (we all don’t know his EXACT story including the poster of this) And if he is a good father who’s doing more then half of the deadbeat dad’s out there who won’t even acknowledge there offspring then why assume he’s just a complete piece of shit?
Ask him for gas money. If he can’t even do that much he shouldn’t get to see his kid.
He needs to give you money.
He needs to be responsible.
My husband before we were together paid (still does) child support and because he got a DUI his mom would take him to pick up his son and then baby mama would come get his son. So now that we’re married I usually go get him cuz I’m off first and then she still comes to get him it’s about compromise!!!
Seeing your son isn’t about money. The courts will tell you those are two different things. He should however be meeting you half way or you drive one way he drives the other way to bring them home. It’s a two way street. But in the end it’s about that child what does that child want ?
Oh my God where do they get so many stupid people to write in this lady is an idiot. What she’s teaching her kid is appositive can be a deadbeat and a piece of crap but it’s up to the woman to clean up his mess.
I would make it where he has no choice but to get his shit together get a goddamn car meet you halfway every other weekend not every weekend
Lucky. Your. Son. Wasn’t. A holiday. Fling . He. Will adapt. Don’t. Leave. It. To. Late . Everyone. Needs. Friendships How. Are. The. Grandma n Granddad? On. Both. Sides
It’s his responsibility to see and pay for his son no matter what omg dead best dad then is u for trying but it’s his responsibility not urs hon
Yes I did. This my. Self. Thieves with. Other. Mothers. Bringing. Up. My. Child. Best his. Brains. In. Wise. Up
I went to court for both child support and custody. In NYS support court and custody/visitation court (family court) are separate.
My ex didn’t pay court ordered child support. But fought to enforce court ordered visitation even after his license was revoked for failure to pay support. “Family court” forced me to provide transportation to and from visits 1.5hrs away every other weekend bc our original order had no specifics.
… all that said, be careful with how you request things in court (if/when) you go. Make it clear in court order YOU are only responsible for either drop off or pick up within specified times. (I suggest you take pick up responsibility, if he fucks up and can’t come get his son it’s not your fault). Yes your son should have the opportunity to have his father in his life but at the same time his father needs to step up and be a part of his child’s life.
(I apologize if anything I’ve said came off offensive or rude, I did not intend to upset anyone).
Make him meet atleast half way
I mean it’s also about your son. It’s hard to do that it really is, if he won’t meet you how about only every other weekend? Or ask someone else of the exs family to pick up your son, does that guy even say he wants to see your son? Would your son be better off not seeing him?
Your a good mom. I commend you for being mature and doing the shit that ain’t fair for your baby. Ask him to help you. Just communicate civilly. Maybe it will work? But good job mama.
Anything that is bad for you or is stressing you out is not good for your child. I would stop doing it. Let him make an effort. Let him get a lawyer. Let him go through the court system like everyone else does. And if he chooses not to that is his loss. Your son has you, and you are there everyday for your son. Consistancy and knowing not everyone just walks away from their family is what is important to teach right now. Just my opinion. I am in the same boat. I don’t drive and I’ve never offered to. I did buy my child a facebook portal so he could talk to his dad every day if he wants via facetime… That is me being a good mom! But I’m not going out of my way for someone who does not make one ounce of effort to want to see their own child on their own. I have my own life with my child to live… I’m not responsible for helping or enabling anyone else to live their life with their child. They are just as capable as I am to do what is right. They can get a lawyer and go through the court just like I did!!! If they can’t fight for and want to see their child and do so on their own I am not doing it for them! Do what is best for you and your child but know what you do are doing now you will have to keep doing so till your child is an adult… Are you really up for all of that? Or do you want to live your life with your child and be happy? If any dad really wanted and needed to see his kid he would do whatever to do so! You are not responsible for his bad choices! NOT YOUR FAULT!!!
If he’s a good dad to your son then I would do it for him. But not every weekend. And I would make him figure out a way to take some of the burden off of you. If he really wants to see him, he will find a way.
Go to court. Have them set up a visitation schedule. Every other weekend is good, split holidays and summer bulk time. Ask for child support even if you put it in a savings account for him. Ask for a meeting time and place, and require that he meet halfway. Or you take him out there, he find a way to get him back. Halfway usually works better though. Once it’s court ordered, you at least have rules to go by. It’s up to him to find a ride to meet you. You are not required to do it all. If he doesn’t comply, keep records. After missing visits for a period of time, you can go back to court to adjust for less visitation. Your ex is doing this because he knows he can get away with it. Stand up for yourself while your son is still young.
He should be contributing or making the effort to come out to you. And I definitely wouldn’t be doing that every weekend - maybe once a month
Stop taking him. if that man wants to see his son he needs to arrange transport with himself to come and see him .you are not obliged to do the transport. He has a bloody cheek …if he cares for his son that much he needs to help support him too. The cheeky son of a bitch is laughing at you . My daughter went through the same and it got to the stage that if her ex wanted to see his boy he can arrange to come to your place. He doesn’t pay towards his upbringing he doesn’t see him …
I’m sorry your going threw this with a new born! To me this sounds like way to much stress. In my opinion I’d talk to him and his parents and try to work out a happy medium. Cause you need to think about you and your new baby!
Why is this even happening ??? Your Son is already suffering because his Dad is a DEADBEAT FATHER!!! He evidently is a helpless Man Child… he lives with ( off of his Parents)… He doesn’t have a vehicle?? WHY?? & HE doesn’t contribute any support to RAISE HIS SON… YALL ALL ARE ENABLERS… Every single one of yall are NOT RIGHT… YALL ARE ALLOWING THIS MAN CHILD TOO MOOCH OFF OF YALL AND YOUR RUNNING AROUND CATERING TO HIS EVERY NEED OR WANT… That’s Madness. Yall have a Bigger Problem than he does. Your puppets in his game !! At what point is anyone gonna make him MAN UP and Be a Responsible Adult… Believe Me if he Loved his Son at ALL he would move Heaven and Earth to get him… and He would willingly Support his son… Hell he won’t even support himself!! What is that doing for your Son … absolutely Nothing besides showing him that his Mom is getting taken Advantage of… What is it Teaching your Son… that you can sit around and Do Nothing in Life and have everyone else do it for you!!! And that if you have kids that its its okay to NOT TAKE CARE OF THEM… Shut this Shi* show down… Its Ridiculous. You think your helping or helping your Son but you absolutely are NOT… STOP, JUST STOP IT!! MAKE this Man Child show yall he is even Worthy of having his Child by taking care of him and putting in TRUE EFFORTS to SEE him and Do right by him…
I wouldn’t drive that far every weekend
Put him on child support and make him meet halfway or he can bring him home or vice versa , should be talking to him about it not Facebook
Tbh he must know someone who can help by driving him, the very least he should be covering gas, especially if hes not paying child support, hat off to you for wanting your son to have a relationship with his dad, but realistically you cant keep driving that long forever, what if he moves 3 hours away, I bet hell expect you to drive that distance too, could you make it every second or third weekend instead perhaps?
I’m raising my grandkids going on 9 yrs and there dad has maybe givin, and this is a stretch $2000.
My advise. Don’t take him
Annoyingly enough, in the eyes of the court one has nothing to do with the other. Just bc he doesnt pay child support doesn’t mean that the child shouldnt go see their father or that u shouldn’t have to drive. I do think you should go see a lawyer and have him served with papers so you can either go to mediation or have a court put a parenting time agreement together where the judge/lawyers will outline down to the hour of when visits are and whos responsible for transportation as nd when. I do NOT think you should be driving 6 hours there and back. Sounds like hes completely taking advantage of either your kindness or the situation in general.
I had to meet half way on pick up and drop off which was 4 hrs round trip. I hated every second of it bc it didn’t seem fair or right for that matter. Esp now since dad has dipped out all together(go figure) talk to a lawyer
If he wants to see his son, why are you putting in all the effort? Ladies, this is not how you should allow a man to treat you…
Over an hour away and you drive 6 hours? Daddy moved with his parents. Do grandparents want to see 5 year old? I would just tell him you don’t have money for gas or newborn is ill and you can’t travel. Maybe file for child support. Explain to 5 year old no money to go this time. Do you stay in town while your son is there? Tell Daddy to take a bus (round trip on his part) and you will pick him up? Make sure he has a motel room though. He can fork out some money right? Otherwise contact an atty about what you can do legally to make everything concrete. You have been more than hospitable.
I am confounded by USA laws on child support, custody, parental rights, etc …by what I see here anyway. I’m from Canada. No court of law here would expect one parent to pick up the slack for another. Yes a child should have access to both parents. But BOTH parents should be responsible (financially & physically) for how these visits take place.
I would not make these trips indefinitely. Maybe once in awhile, for the child’s sake, but only if the father had been showing responsibility and the situation had changed temporarily. And no court of law in Canada would expect it. Fair is fair after all.
Why every weekend…try another type if scheduling besides if he’s not helping you financially why you stressing to do this…if he’s got a job he can afford to pay and help you. If it isn’t court mandated then why do it. Whats gonna happen when your car breaks down? He doesn’t help you maintain your car. I am sure that if he wanted to really be a part of your sons life he would find a way to go see him if you say no to all this nonsense driving. Good luck
Yes you are being taken advantage of. No, CS has nothing to do with visitation. However, visitation doesn’t have to be 100 on you. It should be both of you taking turns. If he has no car, at minimum he should be offering gas. Also, I know you want your son to see him, but maybe do every other weekend for a while. Then give him a time frame. You have X amount of months to either get a car, pay more for my travel to you, or get a bus to start coming to me.
Get a court order let them demand child support and for him to get a license if not have or if he does they can say well your doing all driving he may have to pay. Or tell him to get his ass on a bus come to you. Iam sure he can stay with family while visit son. Me I would stop driving. It wear and tare on car. Make his ass come to you.
Stop driving him. It is not you responsibility
I think sometimes someone has to step up and be the bigger person here if this man was of value you would still be with him but you are putting your child first just think of the positive.
I went through this year’s ago my kids don’t have anything to do with their father these days as they got older he began using them the way he used me
It all works out in the end
Cut it down to a days visit=2 hr drive.
Stop doing it! If he wants to see his son, he will get a job…find transportation whether it’s a bus or his mommy…n then he can come to u every other wknd. Another thing is, ur son is obviously not staying over if u r going back n forth…an hr away n hr back is 2 hrs…not 6. So my point is, only go 1 day…n come back…point blank (dont need to do it every weekend day). If he wants sleep overs, u both can work something out in court. Also, file for child support. This is just ridiculous. I am all for the dad being in his life…100%… but he is a man and needs to make the effort. U need to stop being a chauffeur when it isnt just your responsibility…its his too
He needs to borrow his parents car and at least meet u half way. If not then move it to every other weekend visitation
Could his parents help with the drive?
He moved a hr away it’s responsible for transportation
Don’t take him to see his father sometimes. The father will have no choice but to accept this.
TALK TO HIM. He is the only one who can sort this out with you. His family can help him meet you half way, IF HE ARRANGES THAT. Or tell him you can’t afford the drive anymore and NEED GAS MONEY… IF HE WILL DO THAT.
Definitely needs to change. But remember time is more important than money.
Nope child support asap. And its his responsibility how to get to you or halfway.
Stop it. You’re not helping your by enabling his dad to take advantage you
Men really take advantage of good women who love their kids more than anything. If the shoe was on the other foot do you think he’d go outta his way for you? Probably not if hes not even paying child suppprt for his child. Id say straight up to him, listen i cant keep driving my weekends away, i have a life of my own, i need you to try to do more if you really want to see your child. If he wont just go once a month instead. If he dont like it, take his butt to court…He wont pay child support, take his butt to court…but dont ever feel bad for doing whats best for you, youre the one raising your kid not him.
I’ve been there, not to the same extent distance wise but I would drive 90 minutes many weekends and pick up due to dad being jobless and car less. Eventually the trips faded as my children grew and I discovered that he never had cash to even support them let alone do nice things. He gave me no maintenance and I didnt go through courts (uk) as he had depressive episodes. I know. I feel i should have been stronger. I brought my 2 up on my own and they are now both at uni but they say the memories of those weekends arent great. They ended up preferring to stay home and do stuff here with friends. Like you I wanted them to have the dad that abandoned them to be in their lives but it turned out as they grew there was only so much I could do to make it happen. Seeing them grow and knowing I was the lucky one who got to see this , the one to have double the responsibility, double the worry but double the love makes me now at 50 very proud of myself. They do speak but I discovered after years that it was always going to be me to do the work of getting him to be the good dad he should have been all along.
Do every other weekend it’s typical court rules anyway plus he can find someone to help him with transportation I mean he already lives with mommy
I personally don’t believe in child support because I believe in 50/50 custody being the goal in almost every custodial situation.
He has to be making some sort of money even if it’s Centrelink money. If he lives with his parents they need to take some responsibility as well as they have accepted that he needs to live with them.
Personally I would with hold visit till his side can come to the party. Or you are going to get walked all over.
It also good for your son to see his father making an effort and not watch his mum do all the work or you are teaching him it’s ok for Men to expect woman to run around after them.
Why aren’t u getting child support??? I feel it isnt fair. Your doing all the work. Also…do u drop the kid off on friday and pick him up sunday? I feel like ur enabling bad behaviour. I get the child needs to see dad…but that’s dads responsiblity . Feel proud of yourself for doing this for as long as you have, but you now have another child and its costing too much in gas. Talk to dad. He has to pay up AND find a way to meet at least half way. Hes lazy. I say, get to court and get things straightened out. And why is it every weekend…you should be able to have a weekend with him too. Tell him it will be every other if he wont do payments and meet ups.
I would drive 6 hours every weekend when my son was younger to meet his dad 1/2 way when he moved out of state. Yes it was frustrating at the time seeing as I had a newborn and then another child 2 years later. I did it for my son not his dad. It’s easy to say if he wants to see him let him do it. Now my son is 27 and thanks me all the time for doing that for him.
Wow taking away visits punish the child for another parents inadequacies great parenting there lol sometimes you have to be the bigger person for your child’s sake I would however cut it down to every other week that is a lot of road time with no help. In the end it’s about the child not the adults. I’m not agreeing with his actions by no means he needs to get it together for his child.
He needs to talk with his parents and come up with a way to to help. Or tell your son that your only going to be able to take him once or twice a month.
STOP that now!! IF He wants to see his son he will find a way and you NEED to go for Child Support!!!
Does he not have a valid driver’s license?
Have him or in laws meet you half way. And don’t provide anything for when boy is over there… If he is incapable of seeing his son and having things for him. He should not be going over there …
Best bet is ask to meet half way that it’s denting a hole in your wallet and that the drive is very inconvenient for you
how about every other weekend
or move closer to her…
Go after child support duh
Does your son look forward to the visits? Would he be hurt if you stopped. At this point it isn’t about you, it’s about what’s best for your child, if he wants to go see his dad and his dad wants to see him. Take the baby to his daddy
Well the dad has a few strikes against him doesn’t he. Well I have had to learn the hard way sometimes a child is better off not being allowed around the dad bad influence. And scared for life in an out of prison thanks the world owes him something . If I had it to do all over again he would have never seen his step Brothers or his father
Yeah, I’d stop that. He moved away, he should be responsible for that.
He chose to move away from his son and he needs to meet you half way or pay for half your gas and give you child support
Stop doing that you answered your question. Your are being taken advantage of and used. If he wants to see the child he’ll make the trip if not there ya go.
Half way or nothing at all him not have a car or license is not your problem . The fact he doesn’t pay support or help with gas is a joke and I wouldn’t do it . He lives with his family I’m sure they have a vehicle
Let him know that gas is becoming too expensive and that you’re feeling the weight of carrying most of the responsibility, if seeing the kids is an issue then connect via social media, for example, Skype or messenger, etc. That way the kids aren’t missing out, until you all come to a newer and better agreement.
He can’t borrow his parents car? Why can’t you go get a court order for child support? He moved away from you, that doesn’t mean you have to drive to take the kid to him. It means he needs to find a way to see his child. It’s nice of you, but your entire weekend is taken up because your ex can’t be bothered. Your newborn shouldn’t be in the car this long every weekend either, this is not reasonable.
Can he his parents car he should be the coming and getting. His son try that
Go for child support if you haven’t already. And give his Dad 30 days to make arrangements with helping facilitate visits. So he can start providing gas or start meeting halfway. At that point I would switch to every other weekend taking him to visit. To give yourself a break.
I would take him to court make him pay child support court ordered not him giving you the money you can’t depend on them to pay that mine tried that I said no but I didn’t keep him from his kids my daughter didn’t want to see him for a long time she sees him some now she is 35 now she was angry at him for leaving us