I feel bad moving my kids away from my ex: Advice?

My ex and I have officially been broken up for almost a week now. We were together for ten years. I’m planning to move back home. My family is so excited for us to move back! But here’s the thing. I feel so bad for my children. I feel like an awful person to just pack up and leave without their dad. They have a right to see him, but I can’t stay here. There’s nothing here. I have zero help, zero support. It would be super wrong if I moved provinces??? And to make things worse, I did some snooping this morning. He’s not answering my texts/calls, so I needed to find out his parent’s number to see if they’ve heard from him. I called a number, and a woman answered. I asked if she knew him, she said yes, and she met him yesterday, then she hung up.

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You have to do what is best fir you and your children. Your ex will have to find a way to see and keep in touch with his kids.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel bad moving my kids away from my ex: Advice?

Not sure where you’re located but it might be a bad idea to up and move depending on how far away you plan on. If there’s ever a custody issue , that could be used against you.

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Maybe he moved on already?.. but if he wants to see his kids he’d make an effort to go see them or move closer to them… you are doing what u think is best for u and ur kids… ur kids are ur first priority now not him…

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You arent with him anymore so he can talk to whoever he wants. Its been a week dont pack up and leave just yet because like you said they should see their dad. Don’t keep them from him because you’re bitter hes moving on. If hes a decent dad and they love him than you need to stay and figure things out.

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Perhaps seek legal advice? Although If you move before anything court related is filed you might be okay.

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Honestly I wouldn’t feel guilty. It not like they won’t ever see there dad again right … if he has moved on let him. Don’t let it stop you from doing what you know is best for your kids and yourself. You got this!

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Do what is best for you and kiddos. Forget him.

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Your ex has the capability of traveling just as much as you do yes? Don’t let that hold you back. You’re not keeping your kids from him. You’re just going to be happy. You can do that as a parent.

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I would move. You need support from family.

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The kids can be moved far away and still have relationship with their dad, as long as he puts in the effort to help it happen. Kids will be loved up by family. Good luck mama.

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I wouldn’t feel guilty tbh. They can always FaceTime and what not. You need to take care of you and your little family. I’d definitely move

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My children’s father lives 2 hours from us… I moved back to my hometown when we split up 4 years ago and it was the best decision I could have ever made. My kids know my side of the family and they still see their dad. It has caused issues between him and I though because he wants them to go to school where he lives and I want them to go to school where I live. But I don’t feel guilty for doing what was best for me and my babies

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I’m not close to 10 years but I was w my dude for 3 years and we had a daughter, he switched up on me big time and I ended up leaving, I moved back home w our daughter a state away and honestly I it’s been a year and I still feel guilty, but less stress for sure.

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For all those saying move would you like it if your ex took your kids and moved and said oh don’t worry you will still see them oh and you can FaceTime too. None of you would be ok with that so don’t think its ok to do to their dad either.

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Do what is best for your children. You need the support from your family and he is capable of traveling to go see them.

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I thought it required court agreements to move kids out if state from other parents?

As long as there isn’t any court related issues u are free to move. U could always meet in the middle for kid exchanges, there is holidays etc. they can FaceTime etc etc. u shouldn’t be forced to stay just because that’s where he is

If you’re still married you can legally move with the kids it just might bite you in the ass if he takes you to court

Move to where You get Family Support, If He wants to see His Children He can Come to Them.

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Move, they can still have a relationship.

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Also the amount of women who are so anti dad after break up makes me sick! THEYVE BEEN SEPERATED A WEEK 7 DAYS that does not give us any idea if he’s a bad dad. Some of you are so antimen that its disgusting

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Dont feel guilty. Do what’s best for you and your children. I moved from Cali to Louisiana. I still sometimes feel bad. But we flourished here. I would’ve have made it there. I hate that I had to move by baby away from her family. But we just bought a house. She’s about to go to college. I have a good job. She’s pursuing her dreams. Couldn’t have done it back home. Do you. Have to sacrifice to make dreams come true. :pray:t4:pray about it

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I do think you should wait it out a bit longer than a week to move to another city but I wouldn’t feel guilty for moving once there though.

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move do what’s best for you and your kids! Y’all can just meet in the middle somewhere for visits and dropoffs

Move to where you will get help with your children and ha e your family. Do t worry about him. He can worry about him. He can make the trips of move as well if it’s of importance to him. Move onnnn literally!

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I would try to get in touch with him. Come to a parenting agreement. If you can’t reach out to him within the month then make plans to head out. I felt this way too. Almost moved out of state and FINALLY came to an agreement with my child’s father.

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If you’re in Canada, he could go to the courts and stop you from moving provinces.

Move, he can go visit his kids if he wants

You can’t move kids from birth state without court order. The dad could fight it and she would have to stay.

Don’t feel guilty, breaking up after 10 years is incredibly hard, I’ve been through it, you need the support of your family. Wishing you & your kids all the best as yous move foward :two_hearts:

Move and the 2 of you could meet each other halfway if desired…make certain that you have established custody legally so the rug doesn’t get pulled out from under you…good luck!

If you are moving provinces with kids make sure you have his written consent. He can come back at you with abduction charges later down the road

Yall broke up, why are you snooping qnd upset that he met a woman?

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After a week? I’ve been seperated/ divorced for 4 years and I couldn’t do that… I’m now remarried with another baby … I think you need to discuss it with him

Move, but make sure they get to speak to dad when they can. DON’T please don’t get in the way of their relationship doesn’t seem like you will but just in case you’re hurt and want to hurt him also don’t do it with the kids. I did that and dad can careless if he sees our girls or not, I ruined the bond they had since he cheated on me and left with the other girl.

I did that myself after my ex and I split, i moved to Texas from California to be closer to my mom so i can have help and support. I knowingly did this because I knew he would not help or financially support his own children. We had initially had plans to move out of Cali as a family together, but after his lies and cheating we just left him there. BUT he agreed the children would be better off with me because i could give them a better life. We of course agreed and we left and never looked back… best decision inever made. There are ways that you guys can still communicate and visit… do what’s best for you :heart:

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As long as you are in a position to help the children see him fairly often, I don’t see the issue.

As for the woman… that is none of your business now.

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I moved for his home state of Louisiana back to mine in California I got his family and him altogether in one room and told them I needed to go back home where my family was because I know the feeling of not having any close family suport. The kids missed him but they went for the summer time. We were separated for a few years we dated other people and grew up now we are getting married next year we have 4 kids together and even though they didn’t see him as much I always made sure they knew that he loved them so much. Some times we have to do things as adults but the one thing was making sure they knew no matter what happens we both love them

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Okay so I see yall going to go move in with her right and support her and be there for her … okay yep she dont need to go move in with her family she has all yall telling her shes wrong for leaveing to help her

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Although it’s a 1st class dick move him hooking up with a woman so quick it’s not anything to do with the kids and won’t change the fact they love him. It’s not about his right to see them, it’s about their right to see him. My heart goes out to you. If you have no support and no options there then it’s not exactly a choice so don’t feel bad about moving.

If you take your kids out of province you will need a written agreement with the ex. He can have the courts force you to move back or he can put a stop to it to begin with.

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Whether he has another woman is not really relevant within this .
Whether he wants to maintain a relationship with his children is.

Urm. If you aren’t happy and feel you need the support then you move.
You need to explain to your babies. They are loved by both mum and dad. But mumma needs a little help right now. But you’ll see daddy soon sorta thing.
Itll be ok. X

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Totally understand wanting to move for those reasons and to have supports for yourself.

I would just be prepared to have to potentially share travel costs, and the kids be away for longer periods and to have time alotted for calls/videos.

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I personally don’t feel like there’s enough information to give this woman solid advice. Her situation sounds awful and we really don’t know all the ins and outs🤷🏻‍♀️.

its not wrong. You have to go where you can support them and if he does nothing to help with that he’s left you no choice

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Make sure you have written consent if you’ve been together for 10 years.

I split up with my ex of 10 years and moving an hour away and he refuses to pick up/drop off our son. I have to do the drive both ways.

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You need to go to court BEFORE you move. Failing to do that, he can take it to court and they can/will order either you to return or give Dad the kids. Your best bet is reaching a WRITTEN agreement between you both that details out parenting time/costs etc. Don’t make any moves without either that or a court order otherwise you risk your custody of the kids.

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Yea move on leave him alone he does not care

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If you feel it is in the kids best interest to move you can move before any divorce is started or court order is filed if you do not feel you are getting any help with the kids then I would not move back if the dad wants to see the kids before you all decide on what your doing or any court orders are filed he can work with you on how to see the boys .

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After 10 years you didn’t have your in-laws numbers? That seems suspicious.

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Make sure it’s okay to do so with the legal system in your state especially if you have any kind of legal agreement when it comes to the kids and your ex

I tried to move with my kids and he had an emergency hearing and the court would not allow it.

You’ll be better off in the long run, your happiness and well being is the most important thing as a parent, they can visit him or vice versus several times a year or more like so many other parents do, they can maintain a close relationship via phone/ FaceTime and so on. They’ll be perfectly fine

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Your kids come first, always. You may want to speak to an attorney first just in regards to custody so if it ever goes to court you know you followed everything correctly. I would definitely get a custody order in place

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You only need written consent to leave the state if you are married, if you are not married you do not need permission but he can file for a court appearance if he wants a custody agreement .

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Just moved. Be with you’re family, its not wrong. You need your family right now not to be alone. Your kids will be fine.

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The last bit is irrelevant you said you have been broken up a week so it doesn’t matter if he spoke or went out with another woman

Depending on where you are and what the laws are you can get in trouble for taking the children without consent or if he finds out he can apply to the courts to prevent the move I’d go see a solicitor for more advice

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How far away? My ex was about 3 hours away.

Keys wrd! Ex!!! Take u
Your kids an do what’s best!

You should not leave state without him signing off that he ok with it. Save yourself time file for custody till you go to court. Things like this can get tricky.

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Thankful and blessed to have my little family back together again waiting on that wedding date

Possibly unpopular opinion: stick around and give him time to figure his stuff out. My ex walked out and gave up for about 3 months. He had to figure his mess out. But now we have 50/50 custody, and he’s an incredibly important part of my kids’ lives. If you’ve moved and he wants a relationship, your kids may resent you for taking them away from him.

Nothing easy about this. Best wishes.

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Don’t do it. Don’t be selfish. You’ll definitely regret it when your kids resent you for taking them away from their father.

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Idk I wouldn’t I Wana move out of state and I won’t because of my daughters father. Everyone’s situation is diff so u need to decide

you should already have his parents numbers as well as his other relatives and friends after 10 years really after the first year or when you started having kids with him. also you’re wrong for calling random numbers off his phone you two broke up so he is free to meet anyone else and do whatever he wants. take the kids and go home if that’s what you want. he will find a way to see them if he really wants to

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Move back home with your family to get the help you need. If the dad wants to be close to his kids he will move to. :heart:

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Hi can come and see the kids on weekend and rent a hotel room. My ex comes bk 2times a month to come he travels 2 hours away from. Yorkshire to blackpool

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Girl U have to take care of your self to take care of your kids . From what ur saying u have no help which implies he is not active enough in their lives anyway . Só zoom cars and planes work … take care of your self .

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No guilt. Move on to your family, your support system. If he wanted anything to do with his kids, he would make that clear. Instead he ghosted you and moved on to some new p#ssy. You should have zero guilt doing what is best for your’s and your childrens’ physical and mental wellbeing. You got this!

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The last part is irrelevant. Even if you broke up 1 day ago, after the break up he can do whatever he wants.
As far as the kids and moving…. I say don’t leave without speaking to him and at least coming to a written agreement. Although I understand needing support, those are HIS kids too. You didn’t make them alone. He has a right to see his kids just like the kids have a right to be close to their father. I’m currently moving states it not after many discussions and agreements with my son’s father. Not that I need his permission, but he’s a good dad and my son is close with his father. You guys JUST broke up, give him some time to process and don’t make any rash decisions. Whatever the reason for your break up, you two will forever be linked because of the kids. You want to have at least a cordial and respectful relationship to be able to coparent. Fathers are just as important as mothers in a child’s life. It’s not going to be easy but it’s better in the end.

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Have a custody order put in place. Also notify the court system and child support of the impending move at least 10 days before.

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Your kids come first…in my opinion if he’s doing to this to you now…(not answering ur calls) its only the beginning of the disappointment ur kids might endure…its real tough raising children on ur own with no supports whatsoever…the kids will benefit from having family around…hope all the best for you.

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I wouldnt recommend doing it. And most judges won’t let you depending into what state. My husbands ex wife tried too, got denied twice. And my husband has got majority custody since.

It’s only been a week. Give yourself some time to meet people, find yourself again, make friends with other parents…

I moved away. I do NOT regret it. We meet half way (4.5 hours away from their dad) every other weekend and he gets two weeks in the summer.

The last bit doesn’t even matter. You’re moving on by moving away. He’s moving on by getting a new girlfriend. Good for you both. I suggest you move as planned but keep every outlet available to your children in regards to contacting their father whenever they want. Facebook Messenger for Kids, Skype, FaceTime ect. And when he calls to speak to them, do NOT try and small talk. Stick to his reasons for contacting you. To speak to his children. Then down the road, he can always move closer. If you moved away from your family to be with him, then you’re making the right choice as long as you allow your kids to maintain that communication without any interference.

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First you need to talk to a lawyer and NOT facebook for legal advice.

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It sucks but do what’s best for you to be able to take care of your kids. It takes a village. Exes share custody from different states all the time. I’d move back home and file for custody there before he does because then you’re stuck.

If you’re looking to move state to state unfortunately you can’t do that without Court approval. If you do move out of state without his permission and courts approval he could take you to court in that they could physically demand that you move back to the state that he resides in.

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Be careful… if the move is not oked by a court he can get you for kidnapping. Please go to court and get a parenting plan made up so you can legally move across state lines.

He can be made to come see kids or meet you have way for visitation. You do what’s right for you and your kids but do it legally or you could lose the kids

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Get legal advice, as each province has it’s own rules

So- not sure where you live but here if you take a child out of state without permission from the other parent it’s considered kidnapping. (I would be very careful to have prof you’ve communicated this information and everyone’s on board)

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Time to put your feelings first

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I had to make the choice to move after my children’s father passed away. I was taking my kids away from their half siblings, their grandparents, and their aunt, uncle and cousin. I felt terrible at the time, but they were terrible to me after his passing, and I had no one but them in that area. Moving back home was the right choice, and they continue to have an open relationship with my children.
Your kids deserve to see you happy, and surrounded by people who love and support you. I think you are making the right choice girl. You can’t stay stuck in a life you chose when you thought you and their father would be together.

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Every state has its own rules, but here in texas if I moved out of state with my kid without my ex husbands permission it would be bad bad bad.

The last part is irrelevant. Yeah it may be hurtful, but it doesn’t have anything to do with anything. You move on by doing your thing, clearly he’s moving on with other women.

I HIGHLY suggest you speak with an attorney before you up and move so it doesn’t blow up in your face.

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Will a judge even allow you to do that? He has rights too.

If yall are broken up the other woman is irrelevant. You can move and still get along with each other to share the kids.

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He has a right to live close to his children, certainly in the same province. Have you considered asking if he would be willing to move as well? So you can have your village and still do the right thing for your kids? Kids need both parents

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Yeah if he cared he would be trying to engage with the kids weather you were separated or not and the fact that he’s already blocking you and out with other women means he has other priorities yes this is going to hurt your children but it’s not just your fault so know that and second being close to family support will be really important for them to heal :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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I moved from Illinois to Indianapolis, which is about 3-4 hours away. I had to get my exs permission to move.

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Well you’re broke up so I wouldn’t worry about the girl answering his phone. I don’t know your countries laws. In the US you can move unless there’s a custody agreement or child support case. Then you need his or the courts permission. If you have no where to live where you are, no support it’s in the child’s best interest to move in with family. The judge may see that. You have to do what’s best for you & your kids. Being homeless or staying in the home with someone who you’re not with seeing women go in & out is not good for any of you, except him. If you’re not tied down by law to stay where you are I’d move. He can choose to move to be closer to you or you can work out some kind of visitation, video calls etc.

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Its been a week after 10 years? How about the two of you just take a breather? Not to mention your children are already dealing with a major change?

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I would not move my children away from their father, unless there was a history of abuse. There’s a very good chance that you’ll be forced to move back if he doesn’t agree and presses the issue, and if you refuse he could be granted custody.

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Move with your support system… your children deserve the foundation of family…

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Canadian here. If I packed up the kids and moved provinces I would probably lose the kids. Kidnapping, and parental alienation. He would end up with full custody if he filed.

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I moved states then filed for custody. The court takes your wellbeing into account. I had no family and no support in the state I was in and moved to be with family. I got custody and he had to fly to court dates by me. My son flies out to his dad often. He’s 4

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I’m really torn because they absolutely should be near their dad. But you also need the help

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If you’ve been contacting him & he’s not responding, see a lawyer. That can be claimed as abandonment. File for custody where you plan to move.
As far as him seeing his children, seems he’s not interested at the moment. If you weren’t married, the rules are different. Make sure you’re fully supporting contact by phone, face time & letters. In person when possible.
100% ask a lawyer bc every state is different.

Don’t you have a lawyer?