I feel bad moving my kids away from my ex: Advice?

You been together for 10 years and you dont have his parents number ? Thats weird lol

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Dads have rights too
How selfish to hurt your kids like that

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Leave the kid’s with him And you make the trip back and forth to see them dad’s are just as important as mom’s

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I would not even ask this question. I would move to where my support system is yesterday and file for custody there.

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You have to be able to support your family in everyway…So if moving is they only way to do that then that’s what you do.He can still be a father and be involved but you do need to figure out the best way to work it out.If your trying your best to get a hold of him and he chooses to not respond that’s on him not you.Your priority is your children not him…There’s alot of parents that live in different states that manage just fine so don’t believe your doing something wrong just because some are saying he has a right to see his kids and he does and he will if he really wants to you both have to compromise and figure it out…Kids will adjust just keep things civil and do what you can to help them through it…

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Find out how far from the other parents your probate court allows you to move first!

You need to get a lawyer and file custody before you take them anywhere… my mom left the county with her little kids and the judge made the kids move back to the county with their dad… it was a really big mess.

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Move.
Do what you need to do to have support and peace of mind.
BUT, be accommodating for your children’s father to see them. If he’s a good father and can provide a safe environment for your children when he has them, then there’s no reason for you to be concerned what he does when the children aren’t with him.

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I would go to therapy about it when I had to keep my daughter away from her Dad for like 8 months until he went to rehab it wasn’t safe for her to be around him anymore she took all of the guilt out of it for me he was in and out of her life and then when he did show up he would get black out wasted I’d ask him to come by and help me so I could get something done for a few hours and he could spend time with her then when he would show up I would have to watch the both of them and it was double the work so it ended up being even harder and I couldn’t do it anymore… not saying it’s the same situation at all I think all good Dads should be able to see their kids and that they are just important as Moms but if he’s not helping/supporting you with them in anyway that leaves you no choice but to move home with your family I’m sure you have waited around for a long time and tried to work it out before finally deciding to leave but if someone won’t change and help you it’s not your fault you need help and support and I’m sure you want to be able to work and support your kids and yourself so I completely understand needing to move but I would be honest with him and work out a parenting schedule with him I wouldn’t just take them away and disappear.

I don’t think he cares too much if after a week he is hooking up with a new piece (sorry girl) Why should she leave her kids when he is the one that left? How selfish would it be to the kids if they stay and have no support to help their mom to get a job and a place to be safe?

I don’t think you can just take the kiddos and leave like that unless there’s abuse going on… I would tuff it out and consult a lawyer or something. Not to mention this is the kids dad… why move them away from him if he hasn’t done anything that calls for that?! I know it’s gotta be hard but it’s what’s best for the kids… That should be first. I’d apply for help or something and see what could be done before you move them away like that.

Also if he keeps ignoring you … Save ALL documentation showing all calls and texts he’s ignoring so you can prove you’re trying to figure out how to go about all this… That way if you do leave if he refused to communicate you’re less likely to be in trouble.

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Why do you feel bad? If you need help and support then go be with your family don’t even think twice about it, don’t make the mistake by staying just to please him so he can be a deadbeat father, I mean c’mon hasn’t even been a week and already has other woman’s numbers… pack up and go

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If he’s ignoring you completely and not making any effort to see it speak to his children during such a confusing time for them, he clearly doesn’t care. Go where you have a support system. That’s the most important thing. You all can arrange visitation at another time. Right now it’s about what’s going to be best for you and your kids.

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Get out no future there

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You have to do what’s best for you. Your kids will adapt that’s what they do.

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Leave. File for child support. And let the courts find him since he’s not answering the phone. You do what you have to do as a mom

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I wouldn’t feel bad anymore

I would never even fathom moving my children away from their father, period. Not even for a second. If you want to move “home”, leave the children with him.

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I mean it’s kinda a tough situation tbh you need help & you don’t want too take the kids away honestly I would just speak with you’re boyfriend about the situation when he answers the phone maybe you two could live in the same house for now where you already are until you can get back on you’re feet then find a place that’s near him still.

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Move half way between your supports and their father if he will be involved talk to legal aid and figure out best option

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Do not move his kids away from him. Sounds like nobody deserves that. You can figure this out.

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I’d pack up and leave.Once you get to where you need to be,go to the court house and file for custody.Its clear he doesnt give a crap about his children if he’s already hooking up with another girl

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Pack up and leave sis! You don’t need that junior high drama, Queen! There’s noooooo way a girl he just met answered his phone without his ok. If she did, he did not just meet her. Get back to your support system!

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Get a custody order in court ASAP

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So as a Mom who lives 4 hours from her support system but 2 miles from my childrens father. Let me way in. Their Dad deserves the opportunity of 50/50 unless he totally mucks it up. Put your relationship no matter how good or bad aside. Thinkof your children and the benefit they will have from having two loving parents in the same area. But give him the opportunity to fail. Set a time frame. If he fails then move. But if he succeedes that’s a win for the kids. Also, don’t move unless you can legally do so. And ya, you can totally have a shitty relationship but don’t let that toxicity roll onto your children’s relationships. It sucks. I don’t like my x. But I stay because my uncomfortablness isn’t as bad as my kids growing up with out their Dad.

So many evil women supporting moving kids away from their father. What’s wrong with you all

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Tell the kids they are going to see Granny. Stay as long as it feels right. He probably won’t notice you are gone for a good long while.

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Move back to support system and place a visitation schedule in order. Do not fully remove but set things up for during school breaks and every other holiday. Their are ways around moving away. My uncle did it for years with his daughter and they have a wonderful relationship. I do it currently with my son we live 13hrs apart it’s doable I promise.

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Kidnapping his kids…that’s just great…

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They don’t need to be around a person like him. Just pack and leave. How could he have a new woman already? It’s been a week!

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Do you! obviously communication is key with co-parenting but honestly you doing you choosing to be by your family (theirs as well) the people you trust and you know will support you is the best thing for you. Your ex isnt your responsibility anymore, if he wants to see them then he’ll make moves to see them but that’s up to him, your guys decision. If the support you need is a million miles away then go and get it, the fact is you need support. The kids will always have their dad, you relocating is not taking them away from him its you making moves it’s taking steps to move on with your life. Your kids will benefit by watching you look after yourself, so just do you!

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Well depending on where you are he can file emergency custody, you’ll have to bring them back and you prob won’t have primary custody for awhile. You can’t just move and file, the kids themselves need to have established residency. That takes months. This is pretty shitty to do overall. And stop being a stalker. If you after 10 years didn’t have his parents information then you def don’t need it now. You keep up this line of behavior and he’s going to ah e a real good case against you for harassment. You need to back the hell off the creepy shit, get some legal advice, and give him a daily update on the kids and offer a call time to him for the kids. Which you don’t interfere in unless absolutely necc. You need to look reasonable to a judge.

And let’s flip it he could take the kids at any time and leave for more “support” and how would you feel in that situation?

How far away are you moving drive time? Are you willing to meet half way or do shared custody?

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It’s obvious you’re making an effort to contact him and he isn’t responding, I’d say why not just move and he can make an effort if he’d like to see his children? It sounds like you’ve done your part and I’m trying to keep him in their lives? It’s not always up to you to ensure that happens and, if he doesn’t want to be there, it may be better for the children to just go?

When my parents dicorced (due to dad’s cheating) mom and i moved in with her family…2 states away. Dad visited… started a new family… visited and i went there to visit.

How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?
Regardless of your relationship with him he is still their dad.
I’d be devastated if my husband took my children away.
It isnt their fault your relationship didn’t work.

If you do decide moving is the best option for everyone, then i personally feel its up to you to take the kids to their dad when its his time with them.

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You should look up laws on abandonment of your spouse and laws of how far you can move with the children.

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Yea your pretty wrong! Moving his kids away…wow

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Unless the father is abusive or neglectful, it is NOT ok to take his children away from him. The amount of people that act as if this is acceptable-as if they’re our property is incredible to me! Geez. He’s as much a parent as you. It’s cruel is what it is.

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If he is a good dad you should try to workout a schedule to have both parents in the child’s life.

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Just move girl! You need your family! Men will come and go, family is forever. Your moms won’t live forever. Your family needs you as much as you need them. No women should be asked to stay somewhere, where she has no support, family, or friends. Go girl.

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Sweetie most of these people so called women are nothing but “women haters”. In most states and in most places they are WRONG!!! DEAD WRONG! You most definitely can take your kids and move. They are YOUR KIDS!!! After the move he has to file for custody in your new state. Still always be smart and google, use free lawyer services, most lawyers give you the first 30 mintues free. All states are very different. So be smart. However the truth is if you were never legally married to this man he most likely has little to no rights. These women are trying to scare you. Don’t let it work.

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Well he isnt trying to see them , do you mama, kids will understand

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Let him have custody then you can move back home.

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So i feel like every situation is so different and everyone is also so different. I feel like there are so many questions I would want to ask in regards to your situation. So my mom moved my brothers and myself out of the damn country when her and my dad split. They made it work. As the daughter I understand why she did it and hold no resentment however do regret not having more time and memories with my dad. My brothers who were definitely older I am sure were affected. As a parent myself now with my own kids I have thought about this before and I would not want to move my kids away from their dad. Because he is a good dad to them. They love him and they would be the ones to suffer as well. Once again I dont know your situation. But I would advise you that if he is a good dad (regardless of what happened) reconsider and dont cause that heart ache on your babies. Yes, so many of you are saying that he can travel but we dont know the financial situation. We also dont know what happened between them for yall to be killing off the guy.

Edit: if the tables were turned how would you feel? Also some of you are saying he has not been interested enough to see his kids the past week. Once again, more information is needed. She never said that he has been MIA the whole week. She said she did snooping this morning. So maybe it has literally been a day since she has heard from him :woman_shrugging:t2:

I moved an hour from my ex with the kids… was closer to family also. You can still work something out so he can see the kids. My ex has them 2 nights a week, we just alternate drives to and from.

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Look up your laws abt this first before moving the kids away. Just cause y’all broke up a week ago doesn’t count as abandonment it’s usually over a year where a judge will say it’s abandonment.

You need an attorney. There are legal realities to moving away… with the children.

They broke up a week ago and she already wants to take off with his kids? Tragic for him and his kids. This should not happen until they’ve figured out visitation/custody. Sad for all involved.

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Are you married? If so and your planning on moving out of state you should get legal advice from attroney. If you were just bf/gf than you can move out of state without permission, but than again if he’s paying support at all or has custody of the kids than once again you should speak with a attorney

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What does him meeting someone new have to do with anything?
Also pretty sure he can take you to court for moving the children without you both agreeing on it…

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If she’s already answering his phone they’ve been together longer than a week .

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Honestly me and my daughters father aren’t together and she lives with me I moved all the way from NY to FL to be by my family a few weeks after she was born and me and her father made a deal that I’d bring her back every so often when possible to see him if he does the same so it’s not a one way street and since she’s only a few months old I agreed that as long as he continues to check in on her that I’d continue to send him pictures and video chat with him whenever he wants Thai that he can see her when he’s unable to come or I’m unable to or even if he just wants to check in. I’d just explain to them that it’s what’s best for both you and them for the time being and that their still going to be able to see him and communicate whenever they want to.

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i’ve moved 1.5hrs from my youngests dad, if they want to they would. remember that.

I would go to better myself and my children’s life financially, so your family can help you. Youe and the father could always meet half way. FaceTime works well with the kids and parent.

I had to get written permission from my kids dad to move from Virginia to New Hampshire so I would definitely seek legal counsel before making any decisions that could potentially get you in trouble down the line.

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To me it sounds like his main focus right now isn’t the kids, but yours is.
I can’t judge him bc i don’t know, but if he’s not around while ur with the kids n hes become uncontactable n won’t answer ur calls then what if something happened with the kids? He wouldn’t even know clearly he’s not concerned about them right now, and I don’t mean he’s a bad dad he might just some need time away from even maybe the kids (even tho it sounds like hes just run off to do whatever he wants w another girl)
But After 10 years you are both bound to need time and space to get through this! Don’t feel bad, tho its hard not to… its not your fault you are doing the best and u obviously care about them which is whats best for them which is the main thing.

Does he know about the move and is he okay with it?? If he tries to fight you on it then maybe discuss with him about you moving now- with the kids and perhaps in 2 or 3 weeks time you’ll allow him to have them for a week so just so he knows that when you move it won’t be long till he can have them again

(Of course that depends on you and the situation- how old the kids are, if u trust them with him on his own, or if he has a schedule he needs to work around, etc)
after he spends some personal time w them while u figure out a new structure of how its gonna work co parenting,
Go pick them up and sit down like adults explain what u want and need from him and work it out.
Its not easy, infact it sounds very hard im really sorry u have to go through this but u sound like an amazing mum and im sure you’ll get through it :two_hearts::heart: head up​:sweat:

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Make sure you can legally move as your ex could say yoy kidnapped them and you would get into trouble for not getting his permission. I know this is how it was explained to me. I even supposed to ask permission just to take kids just to another town or city. Even though I have sole decision making.

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Legally you can’t take them out of the state without his permission or legal action (Australia anyway)

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel bad moving my kids away from my ex: Advice?

Support on your own is key, and if you genuinely have no help or support where you are then it’s the best thing. Upsetting for the children but you are going to be the sole care giver now so you are going to lean on people and you’ll need that to adjust to your new lifestyle. So make it a home from home, make it upbeat positive and ensure they still see there dad we are in the modern era so FaceTime will help, my partner works away so some children make do so your children will be fine! They look up to you, so you stand strong do what best and show them everything is going to be ok! Stability and love is all a child needs, I hope you get it sorted out x

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It’s not wrong to move away, just dont make it impossible for him to see his children. It’s also irrelevant if he already has a new gf. Doesn’t make him a bad dad and so it shouldn’t have any baring on whether he sees his kids or not. If he’s a good man he’ll understand why you’re moving. If he’s a good dad he’ll make an effort to see them regardless of how far away they are. And likewise you should make an effort to help achieve that, for your kids.

Relationships break down, and then each party separately has to do what’s best for them. If you need support, in turn your children need support and if it’s agreed you’ll be their primary care giver then such is life :woman_shrugging:t3: they go where you go.

Also, it’s only been a week. Emotions are raw and running high. Cut yourself some slack x

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Wow …ask children what they want to do,I have to say what a wonderful person you are to take your children’s fathers feelings into consideration, not many like that,I hope everything works out for you,and you get to do what you want.

It is more important that you have a good support network around you. If you don’t you will end up struggling emotionally which will have a worse effect on your children then them being away from their Dad. Their dad will make the effort if he wants to see them

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Well if he met a woman yesterday thats not really anything to do with u if u have split up. Id maybe ask the children who they want to live with

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel bad moving my kids away from my ex: Advice?

You need to do whatever is best for you and your children. No matter what. You and your children always come first. The father can work out visitation. If he wants to be in the children’s lives. I firmly believe in doing whatever is best for you and the children. If you have no support system where you are, why should you stay? You and your family deserve to have all the support and :heart: you need at your disposal.

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People move on after breakups. You should never feel guilty for doing what is best for you and your kids. You need and deserve a support system. He won’t be seeing them everyday regardless of where you live. You can work out a visitation schedule that makes sense for everyone. Why would you sit around and wait for someone who has moved in already! Don’t try to reach out to him anymore or bother his parents. He can call when he wants to see the kids. You don’t need his permission to do anything. You have to be stronger than you are currently being and make the tough decisions.

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I left my ex after 15 years and 3 kids, stayed in the same town because I thought it was best for the kids. 3 years later and I wish I had left and gone somewhere far from him. I suggest making a clean break now, your kids (and you) will be surround with family. I know it won’t replace their dad but if he truly loves them then he will travel ANY distance to get to them.
I suggest filing for custody, it’s important to be the first parent to file. You might not think he would ever do it but I’ve seen it happen. You will want documentation that you have full custody (or whatever terms are settled between you both) when it comes time for your kids to register at new schools and with new doctors, if you’re moving to a new area.
You totally can do this. I was basically a single parent for 10 years and my ex was just an extra child!
Remember to stay consistent with your children, encourage them to voice their emotions and never ever talk bad about their dad in front of them.
Feel free to PM me, sorry this was long!

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The Dad has a right to be in his kids’ lives. It is wrong to move them away from their father without any kind of agreement of anything. That is so messed up.

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He’s not answering… I’d say screw it & leave. What if it were an emergency & you call, having some random chick answer his phone :flushed: I would FLIP! But then Again we don’t really know your whole story. We could tell you to leave but a few days from now you could be back with him. Can’t stress enough how many times this has happened. :woman_shrugging:t2: Really think about this with a clear head! If you truly think it’s best to leave? Leave! Start over & live your life! :white_heart:

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Curious what others say here. My ex and I broke up over 6 years ago and I have stayed in Colorado for my kids so they can be with each of us 50% even though I have no family here. I have thought about moving by my family in Az or to Texas as CO is so expensive I can’t even buy a house here but I continue to stay for them but elsewhere we could afford a better life.

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Honey you have to do what’s best for all involved & that includes you. If you were OK to stay there, I’d say consider it not BC of the exact but BC moving kids can be hard. But if, as you said, there’s no support & you can’t stay, then I’d say go.
Kids will adapt & the ex can call,travel etc.

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If he is not answering her calls and texts, that says to me that he is not that concerned about his children. What if there was an emergency? Take care of yourself and your children first.

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I know that In most states it’s illegal to move your children away from the other parent without written permission. Definitely find out the laws of where you live before making any decisions!

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Sounds like your in Canada. I’d check out what the custody rules are. I’d go and make a life where I had support. He can visit and they can visit . Once he makes a.life for himself you are on your own anyway. Good luck.

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Remember, the father has every right to be in his children’s lives as much as you are. If he isn’t answering you that absolutely does NOT mean you can just move. And why does it matter a woman answered his phone?? Your not together and while I know it stings to hear that so soon after a breakup, that’s not your business or concern.
Make sure you know the rules where you live before you take your kids… someone I know took her kid and moved away from an abusive relationship just to be forced to go back to the town she fled and risked almost loosing her daughter cause it was considered kidnapping.

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The fact that another woman answered is completely irrelevant here.
If you’ve lived somewhere for 10 years and haven’t built a support system there, that’s very irresponsible of you as a mother. Who depends solely on their boyfriend for support? Lame. Also, breaking up a WEEK ago and you’re already trying to rip the kids away from the life they’ve known for 10 years - school, friends, extra curricular activities, etc. AND their father kinda shows me exactly who you are as a person.

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It’s hard to answer this question without more information. How far away would you move? Is he an active parent? Would he be able to take the kids during breaks and summer vacations?

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Sweetie, set up a consultation with a family law attorney for guidance. DO NOT read all the advice here as no one has been in your shoes, dealt with your issues or knows to law. The law can be very confusing and each case is different. Also, moving to another city, state or country will be different. Best of luck but do what is best for you and your children not just you or just your children as you are a family

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I went though this. You need to go where you have help I was 5 hours away no family no job. I left with whatever fit into my SUV. They can still have a relationship with him he just has to make the effort. We use to meet half way every 2 weeks it was hard but they weren’t thinking of our feelings when they cheated (not sure if that’s what happened)

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Don’t feel bad for him.
HE fkd up and now he has to deal with the consequences for his actions.
Meaning, losing you and now will have to travel To ensure he sees his children. If he doesn’t make that effort, that speaks a more than a million words.
Don’t let this make you feel bad. You need to get yourself to a better place, not only physically but mentally and emotionally.
Overall, your kids need to see you happy, their happiness will follow :heart:
The beginning will be hard -prepare for that. But the storm will end and the sun will shine again. Trust me.

You can DM me if
You want to
Talk. Stay strong little mama :dizzy:

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Well, in the US, he could file in court that since you moved far away you are responsible for getting the kids to and from him during his time. A judge would generally award 50/50.

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Pack up and move on. Either come up with a custodial agreement for visitation or go to the courts where it’s more formal. Either way you are not happy and if it’s one thing I learned from my elders is staying for the kids never worked.

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A week sounds like a very short period of time to even have decided anything that isn’t super rash.

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You need to file for full custody before you can leave the province or he could have you ordered to return. Sometimes running isn’t the best answer. Best of luck :slightly_smiling_face:

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Girl those kids would rather be in a home with 1 happy parents than 2 unhappy ones
You are doing the right thing
The family will welcome you with open arms for those kiddos and give them so much love.
He can come see them if he wants right???
Keep your head up, my messenger is open if you need to vent or need an ear.
Proud of you

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My family lives in Ohio and I moved back for 6 months and it was the biggest mistake of my life. Uprooting my children from a place that he knew and loved and away from ALL of his family he knew. On top of that the time he was with his Dad was unbearable because I could not see him whenever I wanted. I made the decision to move down here, have kids, and need to do what’s best for them. I ended up moving back and it is THE BEST decision I made.

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All the people saying she should stay. So he can have a relationship with his kids. He can also figure out how to see his kids. An have a relationship with them… He’s not answering her calls or text. Some other woman answered and met him yesterday. Clearly he is not worried about her or the kids… Girl move live your best life with your family.

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There are ways to work visitation if you move. You need to be happy too. In turn the kids will be happy. And having a support system is so important.

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Why would you take your kids from their dad? Legally he can fight to keep you in that state or at least close enough to seen them his fair share.

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If he’s not answering and responding, I wouldn’t hesitate to get out of Dodge and go where you have support! But I would also be screenshotting and keeping track of all communication attempts!

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Heartbreaking when one parent moves away and takes children we get called the left behind parent

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Just because you’re moving doesn’t mean he can’t see them. You can both make the effort to ensure he gets to see them as often as possible.

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I moved for the betterment of myself and them. Their dad visited when he could and eventually moved near.

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I moved my children 18 hours away from their dad. At some point, it has to be about the support support love you get from the village you have helping with you and your kids. At the end of the day, you are the one taking care of them, you are the one that needs to be healthy and happy for them. If staying there is not doing that, then you are hurting your kids more by hurting yourself.

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I was in the same boat last year. My husband and I divorced after 12 years together and I moved from Texas to Washington to be with family. It’s definitely hard for everyone. I would encourage frequent contact with their dad via phone calls, texts and face time, also, counseling for them might help with the adjustment.

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Get a lawyer and go through the courts. If they call abandonment on his part due to his actions and give you full physical custody then he can’t ever take those babies from you. If they give him visitation then it’s a safety net for your babies. I just moved my daughter 300 miles from her bio. He has court ordered visitation that we follow but it keeps her safe because I know he can’t run with her. Good luck and stay strong Momma. :two_hearts:

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Trust me I broke up with my ex 2 years ago I have now lost my 4 children and two grandsons cause of the lies my ex has told. Take your babies and make a better life for them if his any kind of dad he will do what he can do to see the kids.

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If you’re going to be the main caretaker it helps to have support. It doesn’t stop the children and dad from having a relationship. However, if you do plan on moving it might be wiser to do it before any court related stuff happens. Once family court happens there may be restrictions on where/how far you can move. For example, my case does not specify anything but I was told by the court basically I cannot move out of state or over 150miles from the county the case is or I have to request permission from the father or a court hearing. I know friends who have it specified in the court order both parents must reside in the same school district the kids attend. I’m from WI. Again, not sure what the rules are if you don’t have a case. Best idea to talk with a lawyer if kids are involved. Good luck!

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