I feel bad moving my kids away from my ex: Advice?

See the thing is…kids adapt easier then we think…people always say “best interest for the child” that can be moving to a new place where you know they will benefit better then the current situation. I moved 1100 miles away from both fathers and my children are safe, happy and free!

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I would file for full custody .After that is taken care of then figure out what is best for you and the children .If you are happier around your family so be it .Just remember to let the children have visits with their dad .Don’t bad talk him .I’ve seen kids really suffer because of bitterness.l can tell you from experience l should of moved not lived just for their happiness .Kids grow up .Sometimes you lose your own happiness .l wish you the best .

Having a support system is key…It takes a village and kids are resilient and adapt quickly. If dad for what ever reason has cut ties from her then she needs to move on regroup and make visitation arrangements for when he is ready to be a parent again. He is only punishing his kids if thinks avoiding her is okay.

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Girl go and don’t lol back. If the kids father wants to see them. He will find a way. If he doesn’t. Then just be there for the kids.

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I did it and it was the best decision I’ve ever made. My kids are so much happier, healthier and safe with me and without their sperm donor in their life. I filed for full custody we had 9 court dates he showed up to 2. Told the judge I could have those f-ing kids. It’s been 4 years of drama free life. My kids have an amazing step dad in their life. They are thriving in a safe environment.

Wow, it sounds like a lot of yall haven’t had to be alone and have no one to help you. I hope you never have to feel that way.

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He’s gonna need to move too, if he wants to be close to his kids. Do what’s best for you and your children, and he will have to make his own choices.

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Do what’s BEST for you. That is the thing that is best for them. If he wants to see them, he will make the effort. If he doesn’t - that will teach them about life. You need support to be the best mom. Live one day at a time.

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Do what’s best for you and your children don’t feel bad he has to make effort to. I’ve been there and felt the guilt to but honestly if he’s bothered he will make effort… best of luck to you and your kiddies xx

I’m sorry(unpopular opinion here)… But the kids should have their dad in their lives if he’s been a great dad. I feel like if you guys have been broken up, who cares if he is with a woman. And if he’s not answering calls or texts, maybe he doesn’t have his phone? I mean … I can’t believe how many people are ok with just moving completely far away from a man who has been there for your kids, when so many aren’t. I could personally never do that. If I was in his shoes I’d want an attorney ASAP. But that’s me… You don’t know what kind of damage that can do the kids later on and all these people judging him because YOU went through HIS phone when y’all aren’t together and a woman answered? Yeah… Not right. If you left that part out I think people would be commenting much different.

What if he did that to you? How come he can’t keep the kids? Why do we always think the mom is making the best choice?

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You have to do what is best for the kids in the long run. If you don’t have a custody or visitation order then move in silence. He can take you to court and force you to stay. Stop contacting him, stop calling, stop texting and save all text msgs. Don’t curse or be belligerent in text, phone calls, or in person. Record conversations. Be prepared for anything that may come legally.

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for something that could get you in a load of heat I wouldn’t be asking Facebook I’d be asking someone who specializes in this situation sometimes they will give you a good point to where you need to go next but I’d be careful because it can backfire badly. I hope all turns out well best of luck mama

I moved me and my kids states away, best thing I ever did. We fly our daughter back and forth on her school breaks and it’s worked great! But we are in a very civil healthy co parenting relationship and talk about things beforehand.

Fuck that leave and do what’s best for you and your children… if he wants a relationship with them he will reach out… if not move forward with your life… I did pretty much the same and you know what he doesn’t even bother to call. His lost. I’m doing great now working and providing for my kids… and have my mom close for emergencies which was more help than I could ever get from him… put him on child support and if he does want to see the kids make a way for that to happen.

Do what’s best for you and the children, He’s an adult and if he wants to see his kids he will find a way.sounds like he has other interests at the moment. No I’m not a man hater just a realist. Your kids need the love and help of a extended family and so do you.their support.Good luck.:revolving_hearts:

I think you have to do what’s best for you and your kids and you 2 parents can make it work. Besides he isn’t answering you so do you!! But…I’m not sure however what the girl answering his phone has any impact on anything, you’re broken up so it seems irrelevant to the story

You deserve support and love when you need it and your family will give it to you.

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It’s not just the dad, it’s their friends, school, extra activities, house/home etc.

You don’t just move away, give it a try staying and having joint custody with the dad. It’s unfair on the kids to do what you are planning without giving it a try for a year or so. (and also the man who gave you 50% of the children you love.)

Not seeing their dad will be hard at first, but sometimes that distance is a good thing. Go and get your (and their) support system so you can all be surrounded with love. Kids need loving supportive adults more than a grown kid who cannot think ahead far enough to leave his parents phone #.

Definitely check out the family law situation in your current province as well as where youre going (p.s. I’m in NB - you coming East?? :grinning:) There are lots of different rules depending on the situation. You definitely want to go where you’ve got support, but if at all possible, set yourself up for the fewest headaches possible down the road. If he’s being petty enough not to answer calls, he may try to pull some shady shit later on. Good luck (and if you’re coming east pm me!!)

I say go where u have support. But
Check ur state custody laws. Some make u get a written agreement to move the kids out of state. And if agreed u have to pay for travel, so kids can see their father.

You will have to check with the family court system to see if you can move. I’m in the process of going from NY to SC and have to go in front of the judge even though my child’s father agreed to letting us move.

Move to where you will have support; emotionally, physically and mentally…I’m sure your kids will enjoy being near their grandparents…and make it easier on you…

You’ve only been broken up officially for a week… that’s still pretty fresh. I wouldn’t make any rash decisions right now bc your emotions are on high over load right now. My therapist told me to not make life altering decisions until 6 months bc your basing your decisions on emotions. Emotions change many times. After 6 months, who knows if you’ll want to try to make things work again.
All I know is I’ve been in the same situation & it sucks. Rollercoaster emotions is no fun, I agree you need to get away but idk about moving states just yet. Maybe go for a long visit?

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Move! Move to where you have help! If you are not happy your kids won’t be happy. He can set up travel times to see the kids.

Yeah this depends on where you live. Just check with whoever handles custody in your county/town or whatever. When my ex and I split all it takes is one parent filing for custody to stop anyone from moving. There didn’t even have to be an agreement or hearing date just filed with the court. After it was all said and done we each had to have permission to move more than 15 miles from the other party without changing school districts.

It’s not the father’s right to be able to see the kids, it’s the kids right to be able to see their father. Remember that.
Aside from the kids home, school, friends, social life, etc. Don’t know all the details, but those things I mentioned are important FOR the kids, not for you or your ex.

Momma I moved 3 states away to be with my family for help with my son. His dad had moved on before I even left. It’s hard but just think of the children. They will be so much happier around more family I can promise that.

Why make the children suffer when there is no support. In the long run it might be beat to move. They need to know mom is going to do what she has to in order to make sure they are provided for and safe.

Don’t worry about your kids they’ll be fine the kids will never lose their dad but it didn’t take long for Dad to lose their mom you’re not the first woman that had to make this move and you won’t be the last and make sure you do it legally. All break up suck but when it comes to a legal battle the children end up being hurt they hear all the dirt good luck

It’s hard but it’s not your job to make him be a parent no matter where you live. If he wants to be in his kids lives, he will make all the efforts no matter where you move to. And it seems like you’re making the best choice anyways

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I got full custody of my lil girl 10yrs ago and moved states, he still hasn’t seen her, called or sent her bday, Christmas gifts all this time. She’s 12 now and knows no different. But I did get his ass for child suppt 10yrs ago which he has had to pay biweekly all this time. No contact from his parents in 7yrs either. ZERO REGRETS!!! Having no coparent is better than a bad one.

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People do it all the time. It will work out if the effort is there on both ends. You’ll likely just have to figure out a custody schedule. Summers at dad’s? Every other weekend? More often as the kids get older? Like, it’s sudden but you get to live your life too. It’s not the end of the world. Again, people do it all the time.

I stayed in NY for my children, so they could have both me and their father. Only thing I had here was my great grandpa and now has passed. All my other family live in the south. Even if he hasn’t answered any calls or texts recently there could be a possibility he still trying to figure out what’s happened and is in shock his children r no longer with him. Knowing he had been cheating, another woman has nothing to do with his children. My children’s dad is a wonderful father and person altogether. I’d never take my children 100s of miles away. But every1 has their own way and opinion. No judgment here :blush:

One day your kids will be thankful that you went somewhere full of support and love. Hiding yourself away just for the sake of your kids will probably do them more harm than good and you won’t realise. If your ex loves them so much then travelling to see them shouldn’t be an issue

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The courts will look at it as you bettering your kids lives and having a support system, moving to be closer to family is one of the reasons parents are able to get the courts to agree. It’s not like she’s wanting to move for some guy. She needs a support system and those kids deserve to have their grandparents in their lives. We don’t know the whole story but maybe her parents can help with daycare and drop offs at school. The relationship with their father is important but I’m sure they could figure out something to make sure they have a relationship. If she’s not in a good place that’s not good for the kids either. And she’s tried getting ahold of the dad he doesn’t seem to care. Why should she have to make all the sacrifices it takes two to make a child.

You can leave without any kind of consent. Your mom it’s not kidnapping unless you have a court order that says you can’t leave. My mom left with me and my sister when we were kids and my dad couldn’t do a damn thing about it. I wouldn’t be able to do that to my children just because I would feel like shit unless the dad was a deadbeat.

Don’t worry about the other woman, it doesn’t matter any more. I’m not sure how far away you are planning to move, but it can be accomplished if you agree to work together abs coparent as best you can, for the health abs well-being of the kids. That will mean some give and take, but think of them, not him.

I did that…my 2 kids have a great relationship with their father…it meant many years of vacationing where he lived but it’s doable…my kids are now 19 and 15

Sounds like he’s trying to move on. As far as the new woman goes. I think you should do the same. My a game plan for the kids getting to spend time with him. School breaks and summer months. Alot of people do this you over all need to be open with your kids even if they don’t quite understand. Be honest with them. But whatever the plan becomes it needs to be consistent in order for it to work. If you’re comfortable enough with your partner maybe ask the kids who they want to stay with then do not be offended if they pick him.

Move before anyone files or you could be stuck. Seems his priority rn might only be getting his tip wet but you cant afford to be stuck somewhere with no support. As long as you don’t try to block contact with him, it isn’t wrong to do what’s best for you and your kids.

I moved my son to a different state after me and his dad broke up. We’ve never been married and had no type of custody anything in place. I just told him I was leaving, and I did. If y’all were married, your best bet is to check before you do move. Depending on your state, if there’s no custody plan in place…there might not be a problem with you relocating.

…you have been together 10 yrs and don’t know his parents number and so start calling random numbers and asking if people know him? I do think that there may be more to this story…I do agree that it is nice to have support from family but yes if also is his kids and it has only been ‘almost’ a week…moving ‘provinces’ (plural) may (I say MAY) be very damaging to your children in the long run :woman_shrugging:t3:

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Yes move. Its to better the lives of u & ur children. He can still see them, it just takes commitment

Provinces = Canada I’m in Nova-Scotia and if my husband and I split I have to get his permission to go back to Québec with the kids. Call a lawyer make sure you are doing it the right way.

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I stayed in a place with no support, no family or friends. We broke up and I stayed because I knew my daughter needed her father. Has it been hard? Hell yeah, but I made the decision because I knew it would impact her future. I HATE snow, but still here. Will I wild in out when she’s 18? 100000% I will be moving to a sunny state when she’s 18 and partying LOL, I don’t care if I’m old, making up for some lost time :sunglasses:

Depending on the age of your kids I would talk to them about moving if they are old enough see what there thoughts are
I loved my kids an hour away and there bio dad made no effort to visit
I say as a mama hi with your first gut instinct

This is a hard one, you do what you think is best for your children. I have no family where I live and came from nothing when I got a divorce. I got a job found a place to live with four boys. I would’ve love to have moved to where my family is and sometimes still wished I had. But I just couldn’t do it to my kids. But my family lives 1400 miles away and also I grew up 1400 miles away from my dad and two brothers. It was hard on me being that far away from my dad so this is why I could never do it to my kids.

He’s not answering so he must not be worried about the children or he could be doing harmful things. I’d keep checking in. But don’t feel bad for moving home where you have support. Children who have a mother who has support are better off than with strangers or a mom that can’t take care of her children. Don’t feel bad for that.

You do you Momma. Get those kiddos home with your support system. He may be hurt, when he is ready he will reach out. And of he doesn’t, that speaks for itself. It’s not I want to see my kids if you are local. Good luck.

Do what is best for you & the kids. File custody paperwork (joint or full custody will be up to you / the legal team) after you decide.

If he cares about his children, he’ll stay and keep in touch with you if the children is with you.

You better check to see if you are actually allowed to move out of state with them. If your ex fights this, you will be forced to stay there. And if you leave without his explicit consent, you can be charged with custodial interference and they can be brought back to the state by force.

It doesn’t matter if there hasn’t been anything filed with the courts in regards to custody. How do I know. Because it happened to me. Then I had to hire an attorney just to be able to see them after they were taken back legally by the courts. Get a written consent if you really intend to move them out of state, especially if you plan on enrolling them in another school.

I was in a similar situation. My kids father and I were never married he just signed the birth certificate. Most fathers think that gives them rights. No not the way it works. I talked to two lawyers before I left the state with my children. To be honest they were better off. Their stepfather takes better care of them than their donor did anyway. There’s nothing wrong with doing what’s best for your children and yourself. I offered my kids donor to fly them back up and he hasn’t talked to his kids since we moved down south in April. So I feel your situation. But, moving was the best choice for my kids and they’re doing so much better where we are.

Things ended badly with me and my daughter’s father when she was 1 years old…we were living in NC back then. My family were 8 hrs away and it took courage but me and my child took the first thing smoking back to my family and we havent looked back since…she just turned 11 the other day and its just been me and her and he does nothing! Sometimes, it takes for you to have to move far away in order to make a better life for you and your kids. With him, I had nothing. Without him, I have everything.

Him not answering means nothing. You’re no longer in a relationship. Same as him meeting a woman, its also just not your business. I do not think uprooting children and taking them away from their other parent is right. Get your life together where you are or leave children with father and you become the visiting parent. You’re the one choosing to leave not them or their father.

I moved with my son an hour away to be near my family for support. Now two years later he all of a sudden has a problem with it and my ex is trying to say I did not notify him and so now I could possibly be in contempt of court because I didn’t send a certified letter, so make sure you do that just to cover yourself. I didnt know but I did send him an email informing him.

Just do what’s best for you and kids… if he is dad not just a father. He will see his kids. Stop piling on the guilt that’s not yours to carry.

I’m sorry I don’t agree with moving at all,
He has rights to his children just like you - put it on the other foot what if he turned around and said I’m moving provinces with the kids !! How would you react ???

They need him just as much as you- unfortunately this is we’re u built a life u can’t up an leave it just because u think it’s the best option - how old are the kids are they old enough to understand ?? Do they wanna leave ?

It’s a selfish option if you just do what u think is best put your kids first,

I truly believe this is the best option for them then only I can make that choice

But then There is the option to talk to the kids father an get his perspective maybe he would be happy with that and would organise time to see them ??

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Yeah you have to have his permission to leave the province with “his” children I’m 99% sure

She will have to go about it legally and allow to either have full custody of the kids and let the father have proper notice she is moving. If not then that’s a hole different can of worms she will have to deal with

And as for moving no. That’s not selfish. You need to go where you need to go. He can either move the same area as you to stay with the kids or make an argument on how they will keep in contact. Some times the Canadian government (because she said provinces) allow the other parent to have “one month in the summer and every other holiday” but we don’t know the hole story if that’s possible or not depending on ages and jobs. As well as distance.

Good luck

A woman answering the phone has nothing to do with anything other than to prove he’s moving on. Make the move back home, and set up a visitation schedule. Tell them they can still see dad, and that you will make arrangements when the time is right. You need to move, because you are all starting a new adventure. I made the mistake if staying. My family was all 500 miles away. I had no help, no friends survived the divorce, and no support. I decided to stay rather than uproot my children from the only town they had ever lived. It was a mistake to stay. Life would have been easier for all of us if we had moved back home.

Explain to him you have to move if he don’t step and keep helping you with the kids if he don’t understand then let the courts decide for you guys
And tell him he can’t stop being in there life from 24-7 to I don’t have time to see them as a parent he should find the time just because you 2 ain’t together anymore he shouldn’t stop being a father

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If you were not married, in most states the mom has full custody until the dad takes her to court. So if that’s the case, legally you won’t face any consequences. But if you were married you could face legal problems if you leave the state without the dads permission. And if he grants it, get it in writing and notarized.

If she does that without his written consent or a court order, it will backfire on her and she will lose her custody rights and likely be forced to move back anyway if she wants to see her kids. Unless the dad doesn’t care and won’t pursue it in court. But yeah, I’ve known women who did this and it ruined everything in court world down the road. Best to proceed with caution and slow down and get a lawyer.

Talk to a lawyer before you actually leave the state, he could claim kidnapping and cause a whole mess of trouble for you and your family. Speak to someone who knows what to do, legally.

Just leave at the end of the day if he wants to see them and you want them to see him they can visit or vice versa but you need to be somewhere you have the support and help being a single mom isn’t easy take it from someone who stayed because she felt bad about the same thing and now I’m stuck here

In the states, or at least some states, you have to be a resident for 90 days before you can file for support or divorce. But if I’m Canada you have somewhere to
go and he’s not fighting it, go. Then get to the courts for child support and set in stone the custody terms. Life is hard, kids are resilient. If you’re truly doing your best with their best interests in mind, you gotta do what you gotta do as a wife and mom. Divorce always hurts, but y’all will find a new normal. Good luck.

Don’t worry about him! Especially if he can’t respond to you and you know he’s alive! Take care of yourself and your children! That’s all you can do right now. If that’s moving to where your family is then that’s what you do! He only has himself to worry about. I went through this when my kids were little, I moved from Florida back home to Pennsylvania about 1000 miles away, where my family was. I let the kids talk with their dad and never talked bad about him when they were around. As grown ups they do have a relationship with him. But come to find out they knew what was going on and saw how their dad was. They didn’t blame me for taking them away from their dad. Best to you and your kids!

Me and my daughter father live in two sperate states. De and PA and we make it work. We do have a court order though. Depends on the courts

Girl you need to just move, you have to have a support system. If he wants to see his kids, he will. I moved 6 hours from my hometown because my ex husband was TOXIC. He has not ONCE come to see our kids, claiming he can’t take off of work. But had the time to jump on a plane to be in Vegas for days :joy:

Get you and your kids out of there … Ots probably best for yall if he really cared about your kids you would have heard from him already instead of him ignoring calls and texts .

Depending on how far it is from him you may not be allowed to move that far away. Usually there is a milage limit to prevent people from taking the kids too far from the other parent to have reasonable visitation or at the very least you will have to provide the transportation one way each visit.

Absolutely agree with everyone else, he’s not answering your call or messages, go where you have help, but keep that call log and the messages just in case. Good luck mama

Just be careful, I did this and he came after me for abducting my children and the law was on his side because technically I didn’t have his permission to leave the state even though the police at the time told be it would be fine. It was in the end because we sorted it out privately but yeah the law didn’t work in my favour let me tell you and I had reasonable grounds to leave but you also need factual evidence not just hearsay to back your story.

If he’s not answering your calls, I’d just leave. Fingers crossed he doesn’t notice.

Go to court to set up visitation for the Dad. Thennnnn move. Make sure u go to court so he cant say u kidnapped the kids. Talk to your children about the big move.

Run. Just keep contact. Always let him know where you are tho so he can’t use that against you in court. Its hard as f. I did it. I didn’t regret it & still don’t. I’ve built such a different non toxic life & I love it.

Go home to the family that wants to help support you. I’ve been there, best thing I did was be near the family that wanted me & my children around

document all those missed calls and send a text saying some woman answered your phone saying she met you last night just unsure who it was document everything and definitely don’t saying anything on your part to make you look bad court wise and leave now so it can be better for you and the babies in the long run

I would look into the legality of this. I think it’s great for you to move back. I wish I had been allowed to. I have no family in WI and wasn’t allowed to move across state lines but could go up to 90mez anywhere within Wisconsin without permission. My family only lived 82 miles from my door in a different state. You tell me this isn’t ridiculous! So I raised my kids with essentially zero help. It really stunk.

He has to know that now with splitting up theres a good chance you may go home with the kids. Has he made comments on this? I’m curious if hes “refusing to allow” or threatening if you left with the kids. I feel like maybe he hasnt thought of that? If I was worried my ex was going to move back home which is far from me I definitely wouldnt avoid calls or text. If what you are saying is the whole story then he definitely is making himself look like an ass. How far away is home from where you are now?

All these chicks on here saying that it doesn’t matter if a woman answered the phone just days after a separation are probably the very kind of women who hook up with a guy who literally just separated from his wife. Way too messy to be judging others

Selfish to leave provinces. Your kids deserve two parents. Not their fault it didn’t work out and you dont have “help” its not about you.

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You need to take care of yourself to be able to care for your babies. Move back home. If he was a real man he wouldn’t be doing what he’s doing.

Honestly… I live far away from my family but if we were to split I’d stay close to him either he follow me or I stay near by, I would never seperate my children from their father

Is he a bad father? What if he decided to take the kids and move away? If they have lived with their dad and you 24/7, then you relocate them, that’s going to cause confusion and sadness for them. It’s only been a week, maybe try to talk about a plan to move forward that could benefit all involved. I’m shocked by all the comments saying to just move. They are his children too.

Legally until you have established custody and visitation through the courts you can’t take the kids anywhere. Also if your intent is to move far enough away that the father now has to travel provinces for visits that will also have to be worked out in court and the expense may fall on you for minimally half or more. Do not move until you have a court order in your hands that allows you to.

How long has he been not answering calls or texts?? You’ve only been broken up a week, there’s a lot more to this story we need to know.

I had to flee my property and move home with my mum…it may be the best thing.you can always move back in to your own place in the future x

You’re worried about him and he’s worried about other women……Get some legal advice and then go home to your family.

No need to feel bad for doing what’s best for your family. If he wants to be there he will make time to get them etc. Just keep that option open and you’ve done your part.

My parents live in 2 different states when they split up for YEARS. It was really awesome tbh, loved it! My brother and I went down to see our dad for the weekend every other weekend and our parents took turns on holidays. One year for Christmas we were in GA the next we were in NC. Going to GA every other weekend was like a mini vacation for us and it helped us stay connected with our family down in GA when dad moved down there

Id document the cheating and not feel bad about moving. When you divorce tell them you had to move because you found out he was cheating and didn’t have anywhere else to go. Then enroll them in school asap

Move your kids to where you have help and support. Loving grandparents, aunts, and uncles can do everything but “father daughter dances”…and even then many have switched to “me and my guy” dances for this exact reason.

If their dad is avoiding them, he isn’t worth worrying about. They won’t miss out on not having a dead beat in and out of their lives.

I would say not communicating with him and just up and leaving is not ok at all. It’s not about you guys anymore, it’s about the kids.

Before leaving you needed to create a parenting plan so that’s all set.

He actually can take you to court and you can be in trouble for just leaving without anything set up with the court.

I did the same, I feel guilty still for moving many states away but you also need to do what’s best for you which ultimately will be best for the kids

Awful hard on you. Men can jump ship so fast. Thy don’t like looking back or being sentimental. (Won’t dare second guess themselves! Otherwise they’ll have to admit they errored). Anyhoo. Bolster yourself w luv and support from your circle. Take a baby step forward. It cd b a long while before he has clear vision (and guts) lol My (now) ex once told me, “Men don’t jump unless they have somewhere (someone) to land.” His choice. Even if on thin ice. He’ll figure it out. One day… But, increase your support​:heavy_heart_exclamation: Sounds like he’s hiding ; ) lol I hv since learned tht men can be chickens :rofl: at least in th heart department. Stay your course.
And, forgiveness, should you reach tht point soon, is FOR YOUR health/healing. :pray:best of luck

In most states he can charge you with kidnapping me. Found that out through a situation a went through.

If you need to, move. If there’s a way you could make it work where you are try that. You getting a place and job set up for your kids is more important then the “long drive” one or both of y’all will have to do for pick up/drop offs.
You cant really be upset about a female answering a number you called that wasn’t his. -cause it wasn’t his number. But it’s also not your business anymore who he’s hanging out with, You aren’t together. You were looking for something to use against him by snooping. As I said it’s only been a week- for all we know you’ve been blowing up his phone so he stopped answering to avoid drama and let you cool down. You want every way under the sun to contact this man when y’all both need to take time apart. Even if that means he doesn’t see his kids for a bit.