What do you do when you feel distant from your significant other? We barely talk, not because we’re toxic, but simply because he isn’t a talker. I’m with a toddler all day and I struggle having to interaction with anyone. I moved to another city, away from my family to build a house with him near his family. He loves me; I have zero doubt in that and he is not unfaithful. I’m struggling emotionally (depression and overthinking everything) and don’t know what to do.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I in the wrong?
You need to date your spouse.
My husband is the same he isn’t a talker at all IAM a sahm as soon as he walks in for work my mouth starts talk about my day and everything else that might had went on crap I seen read on fb I have to ask him 20 questions to get 5 things out of him about his day 🤷
Have a date night. Leave him little notes he may not be that way but bring back the little things. Hug him everyday kiss him every day don’t let the fire burn out and it’s okay to feel distant every now and then to regroup yourself.
You need to talk to him. Let him know if is nothing he has done, but that right now you need him a little more.
My hubby and I do workbook studies about our marriage to learn and grow its cool I find out alot about my spouse and he likes being able to answer questions about feelings. we also do simple date night at home with kerokee
Start with placing a call into your Doctor possibly…?
Sit down with him, without the toddler, and have a conversation. Play a board game. Don’t let the tv/phones entertain you. Be in the moment with him.
Go and hug him. Don’t let go. Maybe he needs the hug too
Get a sitter once a week do a mom’s day out make a couple new friends
Become friends again, go on dates, try to find the time to spend with each other. Let him know your feeling like this, it’s possible he feels the same way, and you two can discuss ways together, to feel better. It’s hard for some guys because they aren’t talkers, (well to us they aren’t lol)
Get A babysitter and plan a vacation together
Try dating again, go out once a month or so. My husband is the same way and i am an impulsive talker, i think out loud. Even by myself i talk, sometimes i have conversations while driving with myself and my husband gets frustrated. Lol but we make it work. Dont let go please.
You knew he wasn’t a talker beforehand though, correct?
Oddly enough, the man I’ve been with for 4 years and have 2 kids with have been going through this. I’ve always been more outgoing and he hasn’t. That’s okay, different love languages and all. Find what he needs too mama
Find something he likes to talk about. It’s easier to get them talking if they’re interested in whatever it is. Even if you aren’t, getting him comfortable and open to talking more is the first step. Although he may just be a man of few words.
When you’re trying to get your dog to speak you withhold treats until they bark for you, communication is the key to a healthy relationship – demand some
Talk to a professional
Talk to u him. Have cuddle time maybe find a hobby to help u
Have a talk with him tell him you feel lonely and distant and see if that helps
Find a moms group to help you with your loneliness. There’s Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS). You get adult interaction and kids get socialization. Then you feel like he’s not the only adult you have to talk to. MOPS saved my sanity. I’m still friends with who I met through this.
If you’re depressed focus on you first not chasing someone, get help
I highly recommend you reading this book!! It just came out and it’s everything you could want in a marriage. Well almost everything.
He’s not going to initiate this talk with you; you must initiate it with him. You’ll feel much better after you do. Meanwhile, look into Meetup groups and FB groups in your area to meet people with similar interests. I’m sure you’re not the only SAHM seeking adult interaction.
Definitely recommend you reading “created to be his helpmeet” by Debi pearl.
I felt this way with my husband this book has changed our marriage & communication it’s amazing.
After your toddler goes to bed cook a dinner for the two of you ! Sit together talk to each other! Relax and breathe!
Tell him you need more excitement in your life. Going through the motions is fine and all but it gets boring. I’ve got a 2 and 4 years old girls. Am also a stay at home mom, and I can relate.
I would suggest going to the doctor about your depression and def talk to your husband about how you’re feeling.
Me and my husband sets down at the table and have a meeting. Works every time
Your lonesome. Do you go to church? It would be nice if you could meet some couples.
Find something to do where you need to work together. Start talking about little things. Tell him that you feel distant due to communication. Ask him his opinion about whatever and then stop and listen. If your dealing with mental health issues please get into your doctor and a counselor! Don’t be surprised is that depression comes along with anxiety it’s super common to have both.
Tell that man you love him, be the ice breaker. Lots of love & hugging!
Find a babysitter…and get a day job. It will help tremendously.
Quite mouths have busy minds… what does the man like ?? Fishing, go fishing…cards, play card games…do something to get some excitement back in your life. Grill out doors…most men love the out doors…run naked threw a corn field…take the baby to the park…get a dog…or a cat…life’s to short too be setting at home looking at those walls all day…go visit your Mom…you may be home sick…
Talk to your family more. Find a group to visit. Find a babysitter. Talk to his family and ask for help.
Join a mommy group in your area .take your little one to the park lots of moms hang there .hang up sigh says that you are looking for moms to hang out at the park with ,headstart and Pre-K are good places to hang them up at it will give you more to talk about
Don’t look for your spouse to be all things at all times for you. No one person can do that. Leave him with the child & go join something after he gets home and/or on his days off. A bowling league, a swim club, play Bingo, take a Zumba class, learn painting, pottery, belly dance, join a book club, a sewing circle, take language or history lessons, play tennis in a league. Whatever interests you and brings you joy and new friends/acquaintances and gives you a social outlet.
Call old friends and family members and chat with them about your lives while hubs deals with your little one.
Is there someone at his work you can befriend to get the scoop on anything interesting? Maybe hubs wants to forget about his stressful job when he gets home and asking about work that strikes him as boring is just a way of reliving the stress.
Then find ways to communicate with hubs in other ways. I’m guessing he’s an introverted homebody. Maybe write questions in journals for each other and take as long as you each want/need to answer. My husband needed time to think about answers to questions (introvert, thoughtful, linear thinker), but I can come up with answers immediately (extrovert, ADHD, circular thinker). Answering questions made him feel like he was being interrogated; he liked people to a degree but being sociable exhausts him, so after a long day he just wanted to be left alone.
I recommend the board game “Life Stories.” It’s a non-competitive game that asks great questions like, “Where would you travel to if everything were free?” And “What was dinner like in your family growing up” or “What is a trait you have from a grandparent?” If anything is too painful or personal to recount you can pick an alternate card that gives you something to do like balance something on your nose or bark like a dog. It’s a great non-threatening way to get inside people’s heads & hearts & most questions are good for people of all ages as long as they can read.
Vitamin D3 is a natural antidepressant. Don’t get in prescriptions. They are awful. Sit down and talk about it with him. Tell him you need to discuss the day or run ideas by him. I’m the same. Mine is quiet as well. Don’t be afraid to just talk to him like he’s your best friend. I do and it has made us stronger. 30 yrs in August. Vitamins are a cure all. Google it. God bless.
Have a nexflex movie night
Put on sexy laundry
Or sexy nighty
Do a candle lit dinner
Go on dates indoors and out
Spice things up
When kids were young we always had a Saturday night date. Now, there were times we had no additional money, except for a dollar movie and hamburger, but in later years the dates were longer and nicer. Our girls loved our sitters. Two twin sisters 14-16 then started using their 12 year old sister a couple years. Our girls expected us to go out. They have date nights with their spouses. We watch the two grandkids or they call a sitter. It was good for our marriage and a great example to our girls. We have been together 49 years, married 46 this year! Try it! Cheaper than counseling!
Join the Y or a gym that has daycare. Taking a fun exercise or dance class will be good for your mental and physical health. A great bonus is that you will meet other women/mothers with whom you already have something in common.
And your toddler will also benefit from meeting new people and time away from you. Win win!
I totally get it. Same boat. Make sure he knows how you feel. He should be your best friend and your biggest support. If things don’t change try couples therapy. Sometimes an outside point of view, an opinion of a professional can help. It’s more complicated when you have kids. You try a little bit harder, tolerate a little more, and have a responsibility to your children to try and make it work. No one wants to come from a broken home but your happiness matters. Children need to see that both thier parents are loving and kind to eachother, that they both can communicate effectively and solve problems together, that they are respectful of eachothers thoughts and feelings, to teach them the way to treat other human beings especially those whom you love. If he refuses to go to therapy, won’t take the time to listen, or refuses to support you or your feelings and doesnt try to improve himself or your situation it may be time to move on, toxic or not. You deserve to find your soul mate. Your soul mate will never make you feel lonely even when thier not physically there or let alone while thier sitting right next to you. If your husbands truly not the one, don’t let sharing a child together or the fact you will always have love for him get in the way of you finding the one and improving your reality. It will change your whole world. The kids will adjust as long as you coparent in a healthy way. Good luck. I wish you the best…
I recommend you try to get into some counseling and to talk to your spouse about how your feeling