I feel like I am always stuck between my husband and my family: Advice?

Not sure if I’m the problem or my husband, every time my family comes to visit (they live in a different state), we end up arguing because he says my family is disrespectful. Two examples, my mom told my stepdaughters to help me clean he found that disrespectful because she’s not their real grandma and has no right to tell them anything in his house. More recently, my sister is on a long visit; I vented to her saying sometimes I felt unappreciated I do so much, and it’s so hard to get kids to help me around the house. She went to my oldest stepdaughter (without my consent) and said, do you love my sister because sometimes she doesn’t feel like it. Mind you; I never said anything about love. My sister took some things out of context. My husband found out and now my sister is a problem because she disrespected his daughter in his house. I feel like I’m always stuck between my husband and family when we all should just be family. Is my family really disrespectful, and I do not see it because their my family? I’m so stuck.

1 Like

I don’t think your family is disrespectful. They are just trying to get you some help around the house. However your sister shouldn’t of said that to your step daughter though. I think you as in you, your husband and his girls need to sit down together and come up with a plan to help “mom” around the house!!

1 Like

My question is where does the respect come in for you? You have stepchildren that don’t help you around the house and your husband allows it. Your husband is coming at you for your family’s actions. Sounds like no one respects you?

1 Like

I think your sister over stepped her boundaries but not your mom.
My SO and I have a son together but I also have an older son who technically isn’t my SO’S by blood (but he has helped raise him and is dad in every other sense of the word)
His family will absolutely tell my oldest if he needs to help out and they are around because they treat him equal to their actual grandson (my youngest).
They take both, spend time with both, correct both, and it’s 100% equal and that’s how I EXPECT it to be. He needs to respect his elders whether they fit the technical term of “family” or not. If you want a successful blended family then they need to be given the right to be your step children’s grandparents too despite not being blood.

1 Like

Its not “his” house, its your house as well. If he sees you as their step mom, he should see your family as grandma, grandpa, aunts, uncles. They should be able to address things just as you or his parents and family would.

If he doesnt see you as a parental figure, you need to talk to him

1 Like

Omg. I wish people would grow up. Maybe ur husband didn’t like it then sit down like grown-up s and discuss it. I am married 44 years and believe their are times neither one of us like what someone has said. We go in private discuss and then with the person who said it and move on. Family is precious and life is short.

4 Likes

well honestly it depends on the situation because your husband should have told the girls to help you clean. Yes your mother had no right to tell them to help you but also they shouldn’t need to be told IMO. secondly your sister was way out of line with her comments to your stepdaughter and needs to mind her business so your hubby has every right to be furious with her.

3 Likes

It sounds like your sister definitely crossed some boundaries, along with your mother! If I were you I would just find another friend to confide in about issues with your husband or children or talk to them separately and try to work it out within your immediate family. Your priority needs to be with your current husband/family and not your extended family. Of course you still need to respect and love extended family members. You can still love them and set up some boundaries!Maybe when your extended family come to visit they can get a hotel or stay someplace close instead of in your house?

IN MY OPINION. what your sister did was wrong because one you should never go to a child about adult issues and two she was talking to her about something you confided in her and three she misspoke/changed what you said to something that im sure was hurtful to the child and untrue. i dont think your mom did anything wrong. i think it was great actually because she was in a more demanding way encouragen her to help and be responsible. i think it shows she cares and sees her as her own but thats all an assumption on my part as i dont personally know. i think yiur husband is overreacting for sure because y’all/his kids have the opportunity to have even more grandparents to love them.

4 Likes

I mean i wouldnt allow my family to tell my kid what to do unles theyre watching my kid. If im present in my home and not telling my kid no or dont do that or help with this then someone else definitely doesnt have that right. I see it as rude. Your sister might have been trying to help but if thats how she talked to your kid then thats kind of wrong. And its your house also, not just your husbands. You need to be a united front.

Your husband should be making your step kids help🤷🏻‍♀️

8 Likes

You are married, so your family is his and his daughters family as well. Your husband must man up and show his daughters responsibility. And you need to put your big girl pants on and tell your husband he needs to do better

7 Likes

If you’re husband is upset about this how is he reacting around the kids when he does find this stuff out? Because id be worried hes saying all this stuff around the kids and his kids ended up having this disdain or disrespect towards your family too. But on the situation at hand. Sister was out of line but you were too about confiding in something like that to extended family. They tend to get more involved when they shouldn’t. But your mom wasnt out of line she should be able to tell her grandbabies which they should be, to do something simple like that… it’s not disrespectful and I’d personally not like that my husband is trying to divide the family directly or indirectly.

1 Like

I agree with Brittany Duke, This is an important talk you need to address with your husband and then involve girls when you have reached an agreement. He should be on your side and support you. Also in my home the husband does the same work I do, it’s not only one sided, he needs to do the same routine in the household, I do the same if yard work needs to get done and he did it last time, I do it. We take on all the chores together as equals and it’s how it should be. When those girls grow up they will not have this issue if they communicate and choose someone who will be an equal and support and help them in their life. This how you help children grow and choose the right people in your life. Teaching them to communicate and solve problems, but you gotta be on the same page about the love, support, and equality in chores.

1 Like

Your family is not disrespectful and your husband is also not the problem, neither are you. It sounds to me like there are two different cultures that are clashing. You need to be understanding and you need to do some explaining to your husband and your family. If neither side wants to understand and help you then your going to have to make some tough decisions and take some sides or play referee your whole life.

4 Likes

He needs to tell his daughters to help you then :woman_shrugging:t3:

5 Likes

I think your husband is acting like an ass. First, you two share a house. It is not solely his. Second, if he doesn’t like others tell his daughters to help out around the house, he need to get off his lazy ass and make them help you. He also should be helping you. If he wants to be respected he has to respect not just you, but your family and their roles in his and his daughters lives. When you get married you are family, period, step or not. I don’t think either your mother nor your sister were disrespectful. He needs to stop being a crybaby.

One he is dividing your family by saying their not his kids real grandparents. You’re all family now and he needs to understand that. Your mom was not in wrong by telling her grandchild to help out. Sounds like your husbands children are protected by him and you can’t tell them anything with out him getting upset. Your sister should have just left it alone and let you handle the situation with you feeling under appreciated.

5 Likes

HIS house? Ew he sounds annoying and controlling. And make those girls help around the house! You’re not the maid of HIS house. It’s your house too and you can have your family there if you want. Honestly he sounds like a jerk.

13 Likes

Sounds like yall all need to have a talk instead of everything having to go through u

I think your husband is an asshole.

You and your husband need to talk. Sounds like disrespect should be a big topic.

1 Like

If he didn’t think my mother was my step kinds grandma, I’d get the eff out!!! Screw that!

9 Likes

That’s the problem with marrying somebody with kids.

2 Likes

I don’t think grandma overstepped as long as she treats them as her grandchildren in all other ways. If she is grandma, she is grandma in every aspect. I have grandchildren and step grandchildren, they are all treated the same. The difference is I don’t have to tell them to help out because they were raised with respect and do chores on their own.
The sister over stepped but only because she took things out of context. If she had just made a statement such as " you could help mom out a little more" I would not have a problem with that.
Your husband needs to respect you first, the kids won’t learn respect if they don’t see it practiced in their home.

13 Likes

I wouldn’t let family members tell my kids things like that either. On the note of your sister, very uncalled for. I definitely get what your hubby is saying because point blank that is disrespectful. On the other one, grandparents are going to be grandparents. Wether they’re blood, or not. If that is the woman you consider as a mom, then she is legit family. So, that one I think he was being more sensitive on. But; I can see why he’s being sensitive after the sister sitch.

Also a note🙈 I know you feel unappreciated, mama. But they’re just kids, and they don’t yet know all you do for them <3 keep hanging in there e

Your husband has a stick up his ass and needs to realize y’all are family and that means those kids are also family to your parents and siblings. Sorry but your family isn’t being disrespectful. Your husband has a stuck up his ass. Tell him if he wants to meet disrespectful in-laws that he can come meet mine who call me a “white devil witch woman” and tell me after multiple miscarriages that I don’t deserve to have kids and that’s why I keep miscarrying, and tell my husband to delete texts from them before he gets home from work (texts that is them telling him to leave me and telling him to take our kids and go down there to live with them so I can’t ever find them again), my in-laws also find it nice to make threats of me being “left in a ditch somewhere”. So he wants to see disrespect… tell him that my in-laws will be back up here in a few weeks and he’s more than welcome to come see what real disrespect is. Tell him to get the stick out of his ass and accept that y’all are family and they’re trying to help you all work together.

It takes a village to raise kiddos! If your stepmom then yes they should be respectful of you and help you clean house. My husband and I’s kiddos all help clean. You cant treat your own different than you’d treat your step kiddos. My mother comes over and redirects my step kiddos to help out around the house and it’s a huge help because sometimes the kids get out of routine but when granny comes over it helps to have her get the kids to working on things that need done around the house. So in my opinion your mom was treating them how she’d treat her own. Your sister may have used the wrong words to get her point across. Rather she should have maybe gone to your step daughter and said listen, you girls have been turds here lately let’s do something nice for you and let’s get the house cleaned up real fast so you dont have to worry about it. Just because they dont help you clean doesn’t mean your not loved. It just means they are kids and they need to learn some manners and respect. But that comes with growing up. Your hubby needs to take a chill pill.

4 Likes

What a mess. All of y’all need to sit and communicate, set boundaries, and respect each other.

1 Like

Sorry but, your husband sucks and he’s letting those girls walk all over you :confounded:

7 Likes

Your sister was in the wrong, not you. You told her how you felt in confidence and she should have kept it to herself. Your mother on the other hand, how long have your stepdaughters been apart of your life? Your mom’s life? He might be right about that. Talk to him about all of this more in depth as well as your family.

3 Likes

Blending a family is hard.
You need to have a conversation about it.
Set expectations from your recent experience, learn and grow.
Good luck.

1 Like

Your husband but his house? Not real grandma? Everyone is different ( I have a blended bunch) its our house brothers are brothers grandmas are grandmas none of this his house and not real grandma stuff! My opinion only thing wrong is your sister thats not her place! But other than that it sounds like the husband is the issue! If its his house his kids sounds like his kids and him need to clean it…personally I would be sitting down and talking cause thats not at all right! We have 5 kids we all clean!

5 Likes

Naw it sounds like your husband doesnt consider your family his family and doesnt make his kids take responsibility for shit

Yall need to seat down and figure this out, from this whole “his house” comment to the “disrespect” nonsense.
I dont see how your family was being disrespectful at all. I do however find your husband to be disrespectful.
I was once a step parent and it was OUR home, everyone is love equally, everyone gets punished same way.
All I know dont shut your family out simply because your husband disagree with them

1 Like

Your mom sees you trying to deal with it all. The kids should help so grama wasnt wrong.

Well you guys are trying to make a blended family and you can clearly see they’re still separation like when he says that’s not their real grandma. You guys should be functioning as a family unit. I think you need to sit down with Everyone. I don’t really think your mom was wrong but I definitely think your sister was in the wrong and I think that your husband gets to easily offended and lets the kids get away with too much

He’s a jerk and controlling.

3 Likes

Everybody thinks God was being mean when He said (in essence) one man for one wife for life, but He was really just trying to save us the problems you mention here. You can read about this same kind of thing in Genesis and other parts of the Bible. It’s too late for you, but maybe this can be a good lesson for others as you share.

1 Like

I’d be telling your husband that if he doesn’t like that others are trying to get the girls to help you a little more, that he needs to do it. He needs to sit them down and tell them that they need to help with chores and stuff.

1 Like

I think your sister did over step her boundary however if you are married isn’t it both of your house?. I think your husband is being disrespectful to you saying it’s his house. Also the children are your bonus children. You should be able to discipline them and give them chores to help out without him saying his daughter or his house. Also I think it’s hurtful that he would even say your mom is not there real grandmother. Your a family unit now. Your mom is there family two. Just my option I think your husband is the problem.

1 Like

Neither of them overstepped
It’s not wrong to inform to clean
He rather live in a dirty home? I dont get it. Smh.
Problem is… he married u and never considered ur family his family.
Ur husband sounds like a cry baby control freak
I would really consider how long ur going to keep this up. He makes problems out of thin air.
1st of all can he manage his children? Theres no team work here

1 Like

First of all stop calling them your step daughter. Make them feel like a daughter and maybe they will help you. I think your family is trying to help you but stop telling them your problems and find a friend to confide in.

Family is not defined by blood. Maybe he should step up and tell his own daughters the respectful thing to do instead of your mom doing it. It is NOT being disrespectful for adults to teach children to do the right thing. As for your sister…it was not disrespectful for her to have a talk with the girl but she basically caused unnecessary drama by taking crap out of context. It was dumb.

His house? Why is it just his house? My husband has raised my 2 oldest children since they were babies, he is the first one to jump up and let them know they need to be helping me clean or whatever it may be. I wouldnt let his children (that u r help raise) disrespect u. They should all be helping u blood related or not. As for ur sister, shes just looking out for u. Yes, she could have said something different, but my sister is and always has been there to talk to our kids when needed. U need to set ur husband down and talk to him about how u feel and maybe something will come from that. Good luck to u and ur family.

I think every story has two sides and this story has a second side.

1 Like

Your mom and sister are going to have your back.so don’t tell them when your feeling unappreciated or any other issue you have tell your husband.

Yeah that sounds like some b.s.If your feeling a certain kind of way you need to address it with him.Venting to others is fine but problem won’t be addressed until you talk to him.Either it gets fixed or it doesn’t.Most importantly are you gonna accept it or not.Theres your answer.

The real pronblem is between ypu anf your husband. You guys need to sit down have a conversation snd iron tjings out… Your husband married u therofore bring u and your family into his life and the life of his chidren. First of all it takes a village ro raise a child and there is no such a thing a as the kids rral grandmother unless ge doesbt recpgnize you as the mother to his children. Right now from what your saying it sounds lile your only there to slave around and perfom duties…

If his children are not expected tp clean according to him then he should hire a helper cause you cant be cleaning after big girls.:roll_eyes: personally i wouldn’t

1 Like

When he has accepted you as your wife when you have accepted his kids then you are a family and he should accept this fact that your parents are like grandparents to them and apart from that… Kids are easy to get together when they are very young and they’ll accept you when you show your care and concern to them… But when they are in a situation that know that you are not their biological mother… It’s hard for kids to accept the fact… The feel like you have took their biological mothe’s place… In this kind of situation they take every word in a negative way what other’s (your mom, sister who came in their life after your marriage) this is the situation you should be patient enough and make them understand how much you care for them and so are your relatives… Set good examples for them once they understand how much you value them I’m sure they will understand and everything will be normal between your husband and your family… It’ll take some time but I hope at the end of the day you’ll find peace✌

He sounds to damn touchy. Everyone who comes into my family or I claim is family.
I Would not mind at all if anyone of my circle tells one of my kids to help out .
It takes a village.
I’d sit down with him and have a real In depth conversation.
He is not accepting of your entire family and sees His as more important,
He’s not showing a united front and making the kids pitch in like everyone in the house should.
He should make sure he’s asking if you need anything to make things eaiser.
Its like your family ia not suppose to treat him and his kids Like family.
Is there Any other red flags, does he isolate you from the rest of your family and friends to, are you stronger when family is around to express yourself?
Its not to late at all For you, what a crock.
You decide weather its a deal Breaker or not and if it is there is nothing wrong with ending the relationship.

Wait if he doesn’t see your mom as their “real” grandma wouldn’t that mean he doesn’t see you as their “real” mom?

1 Like

he’s more like your family than you think. Your family is trying to protect and stand up for you, without you asking for it, and he is doing the same for his daughter’s, without them asking for it. there is a guard up on both sides for a reason and the only link they have to each other is you. Do you complain to your husband about your family? Do you complain/vent to your family about your husband? My husband did this to me with my MIL. There was animosity between us and she lived in Texas and I in CA. Only link was him! But then I was doing the same to him. We vent sometimes without realizing to include the positives. This is just my experience and opinion. Not sure if there is more going on behind the scenes but it’s always good to take self inventory first before moving forward in finding a solution. Good luck!

2 Likes

Tell your husband that you mom is just as much their grandma as you are their mom and that the only peraon being disrespectful is him. If he has a problem with your family approaching the girls then he should go talk to them civilly but be open to listen to what is said to him. Also he needs to push tbe girls to help you clean, if anything sit down with him and make up a list of chores for them that they need to do everyday that is approved by both of you and that the both of you will enforce. You also need to learn to be able to sit down and discuss how gou feel about things with your husband and he to you, it will help you to grow and become stronger. If he is unwilling to do those simple easy tasks then he is the problem and is being manipulative and trying to cause problem between you and your side of the family in hopes of getting them out of the picture. My step dad did that exact thing and succeeded and has been manipulating my mom and getting her to believe anything and everything he wants and therefore secluding her from people, giving him complete control. I havent gotten to see, hug, or have a mom and daughter conversation with her in 5 years because of it and he has her convinced that i am nothing but a liar.

Sit down with your husband and tell him your concerns about his children, your family and whatever else is on your mind and then let him tell you his concerns and why. The two of you need to open up and then make a plan and stick to it. Otherwise you won’t be married long. Goodluck and praying you work it out.:pray::heart:

I think your husband didn’t fully accept your family as his own so now everything they do will be a problem.

Children will play one parent against the other and you’re the stepmom so they will play both their parents against you. Just talk to your husband, just the two of you alone.

Your family is a little too forward in how they deal with things. They should stay in thier lanes when it comes to his kids, they way they handle them might be coming from a good place but if thier delivery is garbage, then it’s a problem. This what happens when you vent to family unfortunately. They feel entitled to speak on things that you confide in them about.

As a grandmother I would never tell my grandkids to do something like that . I may back up the parents but otherwise not my business.

He has the issue when it comes to grandma . Your sister on the other hand should have not done what she did.

It sounds like he is the one that’s respecting you does he help around the house does he get his daughters to pick up after themselves and help do things around the house if the answer is no then apparently he’s the problem you’re his wife therefore his equal you are not his maid nor housekeeper and your family sees this sees him disrespecting you back road and his children.
it’s time to lay some ground rules the kids will pick up after themselves you will no longer do it is there little toddlers in diapers that’s understandable but from 3 up they should pick up after themselves put their toys away my girls did

1 Like

It sounds like your family loves you, sees you stressed & are trying to help. Is there place? Maybe not BUT the need to say something shouldn’t occur. Your husband & his daughters should be helping around the house. He should be holding his girls & himself responsible for cleaning. You are not his maid or baby sitter. If you’re in a relationship that you’re expected to do everything he doesn’t love you. He’s using you. Go live with family for awhile. See if they clean up after themselves. If they’re begging you to come home & the house is mess when you go back tell them they’re on their own. Don’t let them use you.

One, since you are married it’s both of your house, not just his. Two, you are married, so they are now your kids to and thus your moms grandkids. If your husband doesn’t see it that way, there is a problem that seriously needs to be discussed. Three, your mom did nothing wrong as long as she treats them like a grandma in every aspect. Four, your sister was way out of line. Asking the child if she loves you? Not cool. Five, sit down with your husband and discuss your feeling unappreciated and everything you wrote here. It won’t get better if you keep everything bottle up. Good luck!

1 Like

Sounds like it’s your husband to me by the way he reacts

Family counseling to get you & hubs on same page defining who is family & what are the boundaries of behavior.

Then have weekly family meetings to discuss issues & find solutions. E.g.: Mom needs more help around the house because ____. I suggest developing a chore chart with everyone getting X number of tasks to do every week/2 weeks. Any other ideas for ways we could achieve this goal?

If anyone is upset about something ongoing during the week, put it on the agenda and ask everyone to come with solutions. Get the therapist to help you set up meeting format & rules. Everyone has a voice, no one else talks while someone has the floor. Sometimes it’s helpful to have an object for the person speaking to hold as an added reminder. Someone other than the speaker/requester should restate the problem & desired outcome and verify this is what the person meant. If yes, go to discussion, if not, clarify.

The first meetings may be long and difficult, but you’ll soon get the hang of it and it’ll be short, sweet and effective before you know it.

A topic could be, “How do you see your relationship with these (named) family members, and what would you like it to be? Why?

First off, try to avoid venting to any family members. It leaves it open for judgment against him. The dynamic issue seems to be with merging your family. He needs to have you and his children all on the same page. He needs to make sure you feel treated equal as well as his children or it will never work. The feelings you have are a result of the unequal environment within your household. If you feel the children do not respect you then he needs to step up and get everyone on the same page. He needs to reinforce your feelings and make sure his children are treating you respectfully as well so you can all live together peacefully. I have a blended family. And it took 5 long years of very hard work and lots of fights and tears and we are now all working together

5 Likes

No, he is just controlling. He is allowing his children to disrespect you by not letting them know that they should respect you enough to listen when u tell them to do chores, which is things all kids should be taught. And the fact that he doesn’t shows that he has no respect for you either.

You need to tell your husband that the kids need to help. Put your foot down make those kids help you clean. It all shouldn’t fall on you. You are a wife and play mother role but your not everyone’s servant! Stand up for your self.

Husband comes first. You have to stick together and make that commitment. In good times and bad. Just because the other people are your blood relatives that doesn’t mean they are right and it doesn’t sound like they support your commitment you and your husband made. If you have problems with your hubby don’t vent to your family. Try and work those things out with your man. What you tell your family bad about your husband doesn’t do anyone any good. Maybe take some time away from your family and set up some rules with your hubby when they come to visit. Married 25 years here.

3 Likes

I have kids from a previous relationship from the start the learned not only to respect my husband my his family as well if his dad mom sister or brother tells them to do something they better do it or else we are family blood or not he is their dad ur husband needs to understand that or there will b nothing but problems

If your husband would put his foot down and tell the girls to help you clean, you wouldn’t have to vent to your family.

5 Likes

I’m on the other end… where my mother in law come in and corrects my children without mentioning anything to me… she consistently disrespects me and has for 10 years. She interferes in our conversations and has never accepted our marriage. I had 4 children from my prior marriage. They are now 24,23,18 and 14. Luckily she lives out of state, so tolerating her nastiness can usually be limited. A parental partnership and a marriage should be between husband and wife in my opinion. Your parental plan is up to the TWO of you. If there are concerns… the TWO of you committed to this partnership and it’s absolutely of no business for your family to get involved. You can vent and cry on their shoulder if absolutely needed as long as you’re also communicating with your partner. Your family members approaching the kids directly instead of the “parents” is unacceptable

1 Like

You married your husband. Let go of your other family and build your life with him.

your family should mind their own business and you tell hubby kids need to help you

Your husband is the problem. Your family seems to be concerned for you.

Your husband sounds like a defensive baby and needs to grow up.

1 Like

Sounds like your husband is not on board with you. He needa a good talking ti

4 Likes

When I read the statement he said “his house”, you have bigger troubles than step daughter disrespect. You have husband disrespect.

Sounds like your husband needs to step it up.

No your family is not disrespectful, your husband is. He needs to sit his children down and tell them they have chores. If I was your Mother and he said she wasn’t the real Grandma, then he shouldn’t expect the good from her also. Where is the children’s mother?

Husband is the problem. Your sister might have over stepped a little but in no way did she disrespect your step daughter. He doesn’t sound like he understands what it means to blend a family. You’re living a backwards Cinderella story.

1 Like

What are the children ages if 10 or older they should be able to clean their room and have chores to do your husband should say something to them

1 Like

You & your feelings should come before the childrens. Dad should insist the children do age appropriate chores, set & clear the table, do the dishes, fold & put away laundry, clean bathrooms, make their beds etc… You & Dad make the chore chart, presenting it together.

Sounds to me like your family loves you and wants you to be respected by the disrespectful shits you live with…

5 Likes

Husband is the issue, he married you, he should treat you like a wife, with respect and love

5 Likes

It sounds like your husband is the problem.

5 Likes

Doesn’t sound like it.

Gtfo! Why is it his house? Run. Run away and dont look back!

I think how the relationship between you and your stepchildren also plays a roll in this… being if yall have a good one then maybe your family just felt comfortable enough saying that, however I dont know how well your family got along with your husband before this either… so I’d probably be upset if someone told my children what to do in my house too. My daughters stepmother told my daughters grandmother on her father’s side not to tell mine what to do in their house but that grandmother had only just met my daughter that week. So this is a difficult situation. Your husband shouldn’t say that she isn’t her real grandmother unless she doesn’t act as one. Your sister was wrong on all accounts

I think your families comments should be kept to themselves. I would be angry too

Good luck because unless you and your husband get on the same page you will always have problems. The kids need to help you end of story. Your husband needs to show you respect and make them help you. As far as your family they need to be shown respect also, but they can’t take over either. They are related to your stepkids maybe not by blood. The kids need to listen to your adult family also. Even if it’s just because your mother and sister are adults and they are not. You and your husband need to be on the same page and not argue in front of the kids.

As long as you guys are married she is a grandma. Step grandma or not. As long as she did it in a nice tone and not order her. All children need to be taught responsibility as far as chores go. It is there home also. You guys need to find a balance.

Sounds like your family trying to help and if your helping raise his kids then your mother is there grandparent just a step.

Um wtf?! Your family is not disrespectful at all! It sounds to me your husband is the disrespectful one.