Our relationship is perfect we’ve been together for over 5 years. I couldn’t be happier, we honestly have a fairytale romance. I have fully embraced his two children and love them like they are my own. Their mother is the only kicker. I definitely have respect for her, because I love her children. BUT she is immature, selfish, and hotheaded. She is never dependable often ghosts us when she is supposed to get the children back. Doesn’t show up for her children’s award ceremonies, teacher conferences, or doctor’s appointments. Constantly has them late missing school or just dirty and unprepared. She calls my boyfriend everyday and often verbally abuses him and says he is a piece of s**** parent. We have the children half of the month. We feed them healthy, we buy them nice clothes, get them to school on time, show up for any meetings. She constantly critiques him but honestly she is the one who is failing as a parent. I feel we are the only stability they have unfortunately. She moves random boyfriends in it seems like once a month. To put it simply she is just an unstable mess. I have been patient, silent, and supportive. But I continue seeing her crappiness hurting her kids. She is toxic and I feel she is ruining the kids and our relationship because of that. How long do you stay silent just to keep peace? I feel like she is ruining my own personal happiness. How can this stepmom get her groove back and set some boundaries? (Sidenote: I’ve been keeping documentation of everything just in case things get worse we save copies of EVERYTHING.)
Dad is going to have to open his mouth and tell that “mother” to put her children first. And she needs to stop bringing strange men around. There are too many kids being killed for her to move a new one in every month. Ugh.
I’d go back to court.
It sounds to me like those kids would be better off with you two full time anyway.
Look into fathers rights lawyers, etc etc.
Those kids deserve better. They can’t stick up for themselves so someone else needs to.
Get married to him then take her to court … and take the children away…those children need a staple home…and if she doesn’t want to step up oh well… there is too many children that live like this …and the children are basically unhappy …
Just keep doing what you are doing and those kids will someday know who was there for them. Don’t let their mother’s awful behavior ruin anything for you. It takes a strong woman to step in where another stepped out.
Your doing the right thing, the kids probably need less time with her but the courts have the final say and be willing to pony up the cash for and independent lawyer for the to prove she is toxic. Video and audio if allowed in your state is king.
Just continue to love those babies and give them what you can, keep documenting everything and please don’t allow her idiotic behaviour ruin your happiness. Take it on the chin and breathe. There father is the only one who can legally do anything about it and he needs to speak up.
COURT. Take them bebes.
Your husband need to petition the courts and get the custody agreement re-evaluated
Going thru the same. I wanna knock this dopeheads fucked up teeth out. She found out i was pregnant. And now is interfering with me and him by making him do it all cuz he knows he bends over backwards for his kids. So she even called him like 30 min ago. To just be like “no i didnt call you… Why u calling me bavk talking bout YES!!!”
I’d have him file for sole custody. That isn’t a healthy environment for those kids.
You mind your business. He minds his. Kids see true colors.
Legal aid works lawyers
Let him handle her. Keep documenting everything. Stay strong for the children.
You said she keeps moving boyfriend in and out … make sure you and your boyfriend talk to the kids about sexual abuse !
Yes one you stay out of it the father needs to open his mouth and set the mother straight I’m sorry I know you the girlfriend but let the dad deal.with this
I like how you think she lives with random boyfriends will uphold at all in court because it actually shows she always has shelter for her kids which is counter to your statement that is us unstable and a mess. Nothing illegal about it moving with other people… The judge will laugh at you and the verbal abuse dont uphold in court to remove her rights but I love that there ignorant uneducated cruel women like you that think she should loose her kids because of other men. If none of those men have abused her kids then you will just sound like the jealous girlfriend of baby daddy.
You will waste your money that you so very much bragged about in your post and ironically she will keep her kids.
You sound like you should work for ICE seperating a mother from her children all beause you believe your better than her. Nothing you have said makes her a bad mom or is illegal to result in her kids loosing the maternal mother and her rights.
Unfortunately you cant do anything. Its him that has to say something. He has to step up and be a man and say something to her or even threaten her with court. Unfortunately Girlfriends can say something or give ideas to their boyfriends but thats it
Keep going to court until the kids are in his care. My girls are 17 and 13. I have never regretted a penny spent or the amount of stress we went through because it was literally the best thing for both of them! When we finally won custody they were both D and F graded students. Now they A and B students. Oldest is applying to college! Their mom was this way and it was because of drugs. She hid it very well and we really couldn’t believe she was on them. When we had her drug tested in court (we literally thought maybe a pain pill addiction) nope meth! Keep giving them every opportunity they deserve and living with Dad would really set them up for success.
File for sole custody period
Girl, never mind these nonsense women talking mess. It’s sad that people turn into internet warriors and have so much to say to judge you.
There isn’t anything you can do because you’re not the biological parent. It would be up to him to take her to court and show the judge that she has random men living in her home and that she is not upholding her duties as a mother. The judge will need proof (school records, pictures). A lot of messages such as text won’t hold up because anyone can send a text.
If you have voicemails, then maybe that can help. Just do what you’ve been doing and keep documenting everything.
Not to be a dick, but until you’re married and hes your husband, staying silent is your best bet. Legal you dont even have a leg to stand on. In the courts eyes you’re not a permanent figure into he kids lives until you are legally their step mother.
Personally it sounds like your man needs to step the fuck up. But do you mama.
Court is ur guys best option for this situations but it can’t be ur decision it has to be his since u guys r not married.
That’s good you’re documenting everything, I think a lot of moms use kids for child support of benefits from state. Idk just be stable for the kids. I’m glad they have someone.
Ive never been one to keep quiet about anything 🤷
Daddy needs to take care of it. You just keep being supportive and loving. Lids are alot smarter than you think
Stay out of it. It’s about all you can do.
Stay out of it … at the end of the day she will always be there … will you ? Probably not.
It’s your boyfriend’s problem to fix if he thinks there is a promblem. I would just continue being you. Do what you do. Love them all unconditionally. You will always look like the good guy. Is it worth it to stay? Is this your life.?
Stay in your lane. You aren’t the parent or step parent.
Those kids have a mom and a dad and it isn’t you
It sounds like she’s hurting… and looking for love from different men that you’ve been able to achieve. Look it from a place of empathy and compassion. She’s wrong… but when you’re hurting you’ll never see it that way. Be the light in the kids life as much as possible and continue to love and uplift your man! That’s what they need.
Keep doing what you’re doing. As the kids get older they will realize everything on their own.
Hang in there and always take care of those children the know , I had the toxic ex only had to deal with her 14 yrs because the day the bonus child turned 18 was a party for sure and she knew what her mother did to o her . We are going on 34 yrs and couldn’t be happier
You should seek legal counsel and file for temporary custody and then try for full custody. It sounds like you have all the proof you need and have been nice enough about the situation. Open that mouth girl and tell your man its time to do something about it. If not she will always pull this shit and will always use them kids against you guys and thats not fair to either of you.
All these people telling you to stay out of it and daddy needs to take care of it are wrong in my opinion. Sounds to me like this is her life and for the pasr 5 years shes been helping to raise and provide for them kids, so why should she stay out if it. She loves them like they are her own and seems to really care about their well being. Im not saying you can do anything legally but you can talk to your boyfriend about it and express your concerns and hope he will want to take some kind of legal action. After 5 years, you have every right to speak up!
Suck it up YOU can do literally jack. Learn your lane, you’ll be better for it.
Since he’s your boyfriend, and not husband, you can’t really do much. You can ask him to go for full custody but you better have a strong case and be prepared to care for the kids on a full time basis. Your relationship can’t be perfect if his ex can impact it in any way…
I would say continue giving those kids stability… be a safe place. You can’t change who their mother is and trying to interfere even if your motives are in the right place is likely to backfire on you… I would just continue loving them and being as supporting as possible and try very hard to let the rest be handled by their dad.
Get their father to go back to court and fight for his babies !
Show him lots of support try not to get yourself involved with the court they may not take you seriously and act as if youre just the crazy jealous partner !!!
For the sake of the kids , keep the peace.
What the hell happened to being supportive in this group or move on? The last few days have been horrible in the comment sections of just about every post. Is everyone on that time of the month at the same time?
Op, as a stepmom I can tell you to support your boyfriend and his children. Keep doing everything you have been. Since you have everything documented, that will help. Here, they do take emails and texts. In fact, one set of parents I know was told by the judge to text conversations only or email. No phone calls between them. Yeah, it’s that ugly. I would suggest a guardian ad lidem for the kids as well. P.S. Marriage is a piece of paper only. It’s the relationship between you, your boyfriend and the kids that count. Good luck!
Support your man and kids if you feel the kids are not getting the necessary needs and care take her to court
Keep doing what you’re doing he needs to get a good attorney and fight for residential custody ect they can subpoena the school and whomever else if need be.
Ever think that maybe she’s just trying to get through life right now. I’ve certainly been there and pretty much still am. It’s hard to get through life with kids on your own. At least you and the father have each other to lean on and to pick up each other’s slack. Who does she have?
Ultimately it’s not your place to say anything no matter how long you two have been together. It’s his place alone to say anything to her that needs to be said.
She is his EX and THEIR Mother…you are the outsider learn your place.
Thats dads job hun your to stay silent and love those kids. You losing your cool could cost you custody
go for full custofy and real mum just sees kids for a few days a week in day. In honesty it sounds like shes probably struggling mentally and needs some help. maybe the responsibility break will help her sort her self out.
Ask for a guardian ad listen for the kids. It’s a person that advocated only on the child’s half. They can recommend for the father to have them full time if everything you say is true. They will do what’s best for the kids. Plus the kids will figure out about their mom later in life, like in their teens. Be patient
His and her kids not yours stay in your lane!!! Stop trying to be mom to kids that have a mom. Obviously she’s not doing that bad of a job as she still has custody. Stay in ya lane that’s why new little wifey get they asses beat by baby mamas and wanna get on here and cry. Bump being supportive to ya ass. Try being supportive to mom and her kids with ya man and their parenting style before you came around. Support being a step mom and being in your lane.
Just keep doing you. Don’t bite when she tries to be rude. The kids know whose there and whose not. Just keep doing what you’ve been doing for so long, those kids need that stability
Talk to him about going for full custody
Fight for custody if she is like that and you have photo prove and other’s have noticed. But she should still have contact with them. Maybe get the achools teacher or guardian to.talk to the children and see how they feel about everything. But remember being separated from her if she hasn’t done all of this and they just got mucky on the way home, can have a drastic affect on kids. Depression in their teens is one of the outcomes sometimes. The most important thing is that they have a reguler routine, loved and are safe.
Keep loving & supporting those kids & their dad! Keep documenting everything for however long it takes him to file, fight for full custody of those babies! It shows a pattern. Text, emails, social media, phone logs, pictures are all admissible in court! School records, dr records, pictures of dad /kids when mom didn’t show to arward ceremony, games, big events.
Ultimately you can do all the documentation, paperwork, filing unless dad’s ready to go to court their is nothing you can do.
I would encourage you to talk with your SO see where he is at, when he’s ready, go to family courts and talk with an attorney, take everything you have documented they will tell you if you have a case.
Bring up your concerns with your partner and it’s up to him to make the steps forward for his children. Be there to support what ever he chooses.
Keep saving copies he’ll get tired of it and do something
tell your boyfriend to go back up to the court with the papers your keeping as documents. hopefully they’ll chance it to she can’t see them and still have to pay CS.
You are in thise babies life too, and if you and dad are planning on marrying etc and you’re going to continue to be there step up! Talk to dad, make him step up too and do what’s best for those kids. Just because that’s their mom does not mean she’s what’s best for them. I haven’t spoke to my mother in years, she was constantly in and out of my life as a child, we’ve never had a mother/daughter bond and as much as I hated my stepmom as a child, I’ve learned the older I got and now have my own child SHE was a blessing in my life and I needed her. So be there for those kids!
Dad needs to sue for custody. Mom can have visitation and see how it goes. The kids aren’t property. They deserve to have stability.
To start with don’t lower yourself by putting this stuff on the interenet it’s between your boyfriend and you and the mother. Sometimes you need to step back and let the dad deal with it. Yes being there for the kids is great but dad needs to step up more and deal with it. This stuff will only effect you if you let it
She’s wanting her actions to have some sort of consequence and if it ends your relationship with him, she wins. Keep being their stability. The kids may end up having enough of moms bs and choose you and your bf over her. Keep being the bigger person. This will be a very valuable lesson to the kids as well. It will be harder than you think to walk away after 5 years too. She isn’t your concern. Your bf and those kids are. And to anyone on here saying you’re not a mom or mind your own business, screw them. Thank you for stepping up and being what those kids need. We need more of this in the world. All this hate and negativity are just jealous people who are unhappy with their own lives. You’re doing a GREAT job!
If all of this is true then the father should’ve taken her to court a long time ago.
But I have a feeling this is being exaggerated so OP sounds like the victim lol
It’s not you call. If he wants full custody it’s really up to him. Put yourself in her shoes for a minute & maybe offer help 1st. If she can’t support them that much, maybe she’ll appreciate the help.
Your man needs sole custody
Keep all paperwork and get a copy of school records for when they are with the mom. If the teacher is nice maybe she can take a picture of the kids when they get to school when they are with the mom. Once you get a few months in with that. You have a few choices call DCF and make a complaint dont have to tell them your name or nothing. Than you can take that all to court. Or go right to court with everything. He will get 100% and she will get nothing. But just make sure to keep all proof. I been here with my nephew when he was a baby and still to this day 8 years later. Just keep records. Hold your head up your doing a great job.
Go to court to get full custody of the kids. She shouldn’t have them even half the time. It will only hurt the kids. She may even just need supervised visits of them. And maybe have a third party to help to drop them off or exchange kids.
There is a lot of disgruntled baby momma’s on this post who probably hate their baby daddy’s girlfriend
Get your bf to go to court and get full custody of his children and show the court what paperwork you have and also have your bf talk to the children school and doctors
Establish full custody in court and get a restraining order against her for her behavior towards him. You have plenty to prove why she is unfit as a parent and why she needs to be cut off from contacting your boyfriend.
Keep track of all these things…get proof…get custody…
the way you’re speaking about her, doesn’t sound like respect to me. It’s sounds like resentment, and disdain.
sometimes people go through a rough patch in life, and can’t always be their best selves. maybe try, compassion, and helping? rather then smearing the mother of your step children online, you offer a lending hand or a listening ear.
As the girlfriend, none of this is up to you. If you get married and are the stepmom then you have some say but until then, just support your boyfriend and his kids when they’re with you
Whats the boyfriend saying about this? Pray for her… Shes obviously hurt n going through some things. Try to stay from around her when picking up kids. Let someone else go with him. Make time for u. Id say stay from around her flr awhile n even take a break from her n kids sometimes. Do something for u … Hang by yourself or with friends. Make sure ur being supported.
It’s not your call though. You aren’t their parent. Dad needs to handle it with the mom. Love their children as you do and the rest stay out of it…
Doesn’t sound like you respect her actually. There are always two sides to every story, and indeed both sides would need to be heard. If she is indeed as unstable as you portray her, as in neglect you could show the courts with PROOF then all the rest would be hearsay and you can’t make a case on her for hearsay. If you both are wonderful and do everything perfectly for the children then why would she feel the need to call him a piece of shit? No matter how you truly feel about her, her children love her and attempting to take custody away from somebody from the things I’ve heard doesn’t add up. Just put yourself in your stepchildrens shoes and stop nitpicking every little thing. Focus on the big picture and just do what you’re doing for them. Truth always comes out, so just take care of them on your end and let her take care of them on her end. Schools will notice a problem and consult the parents and child services if they truly see a threat.
You should try and get full custody of the kids.
I stopped at “ our relationship is perfect and a fairytale romance “
Wow look at all the butthurt baby mama’s
Get a lawyer if it’s that bad.
Can you try and have a one to one?
First off, sorry for everyone coming at you. I haven’t been in this situation, so I’m sorry I have no advice. I just feel bad that you put this out there, and you’re being criticized for it.
Continue being a good mother to these children. Seems like they need a positive attitude in their lives. Show them how loved they are, and keep to yourself.
Sorry you got to deal with this, mama.
I am in a similar boat with my bonus kids’ mom… luckily she has recently gotten her shit together and made her husband get his shit together. It pissed me off because I felt like I was the only one who gave a shit about my bonus kiddos. Their dad and I have been together for almost 7 years. It’s frustrating I KNOW…but at the end of the day I had to honestly not give a shit…only because there isn’t anything I can do because I’m not their bio parent. Obviously I still care about them…and worry all the time…but when it comes to shit I can’t control…I just stopped caring.
Oh my God this is so similar to my boyfriend’s ex, it’s ridiculous.
You don’t have to be married to him to call his baby mama a crap parent!! People are ridiculous and probably would be just like the mom you have a issue with. Most important part is don’t stick your neck out further than the father, he is the one who need to step up for the kids overall or else he will leave the war and burden on you. If you want her to get on the same page, speak up because they are living with you part time as well.
Bless you for being a stable and loving presence in these kids’ lives. I’m sure they love you and cherish their time with you & their dad.
If you can’t or BF won’t file for custody now, kids can decide who they want to live with when they are teens, & ultimately they can choose with whom to spend time when they are 18.
What do the kids want? If they had a choice in the matter, what would they want to have happen? Ask them what their ideal life would look like & see what they say.
Is there any prospect of marriage after 5 years? If so, you might have a stronger voice in the matter.
This is her business…she is with their dad and she helps him take care of the kids when they are there…those of u saying to stay out if it are stupid…its like saying u know the kids are being abused…but dont say anything cuz its none of ur business…idiots