Advice needed I’ve been with my partner for almost 3 years. We have a son together and a child each from previous relationships. Everyone got on fine before our son arrived and everyone was treated well and equal. The past year only my partner’s child is acknowledged by my partner’s family but through his mother instead of my partner, his family don’t try to contact us to see the family they go to my partner’s ex and spend the time with him alone. We’ve tried reaching out numerous times but our son we share has very little contact with the family and my other child is ignored completely. We’ve tried cutting contact with them but with the favourite child still having contact through the mum we have to hear about what theyve done and how we weren’t involved again. I’ve considered ending my relationship as I feel like the problem and family is very important to me. We are very close to my family and I hope that the family the kids all share treat them the same. My partner’s child has changed behaviour also towards me he doesn’t really speak to me when staying in our home. Cutting them out and ignoring them hasn’t worked nor talking to them to try and better the situation I feel my only move is to end the relationship with my partner
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like my child is being ignored: Advice?
We All have Exs For A Reason
Sounds like the child’s mother is running her mouth to them
Sounds like a relationship I would not want to be apart of. Have you tried talking to your partner and his mom? If you have and still nothing has changed then I would leave.
Him and the child’s mother need to agree to not let this happen.
She needs to stop contacting his family and them, her. It’s weird anyway she has her own family why’s she leeching onto her ex’s family
That’s family. Jut ignore it seriously she’s only doing it to aim at you and you are being nieve and falling for it. So what let her and you don’t say anything at all. She’s trying to bring out the worst of you
End the relationship with his family. He can go do things with them. You don’t have to go. My husband chose us over his family. He has a child from a previous relationship and they do everything for her and don’t even know my children’s names. So I made the choice not to have them around . My husband is fully aware that he can go and do whatever if he is invited. Me and my children are never invited. The only time my husband goes is when his oldest is there. My husband says that we are his family, he chose us! He was just born into their family and if they can not love an accept all of his family then he wants nothing to do with them.
So you would end your relationship bc of his family???
I will not end my relationship because family issues , if he is a good partner and a good father for both of your kids who cares about his family?
Do not ruin your relationship over issues that you neither your husband can’t control
Your child is priority.
What happened to husband? Instead of partner?
How’s the relationship with his ex? Can you communicate your concerns to her?
Unfortunately it’s this kids family and if he wants to see them and mom makes that happen you guys don’t get a say. You and partner just have to find ways to explain to the other children. You partner can’t control this situation at all. I’m not sure why you would break up with them bc of their Ex having contact with people you don’t. It makes no sense. Sometimes coparenting with others isn’t perfect. There will be issues and you will just have to adapt and move on. If you truly can’t handle it that’s fine. Break up bc of those issues not bc of something he has no control over.
I think you may be right. You have to take care of your kids first. If your partner’s parents only want contact with him and his first child, you are wasting your time trying to get them to acknowledge the younger child and your child. Don’t subject them to that, or the snubbing by the older child who does get their attention. Stay around your family and build relationships there.
Don’t jeopardise your family because of others, legit fk that & fk them. They wanna be immature, knowing damn well they all ain’t being equal with the kids, then confront them loud an proud an wash your hands of them once an for all… You have to remember, although your guys other kids may not display it physically, if you sense that their is favouritism, & you can agree that the feeling is an ugly one, bottom dollar the other kids will feel it & see it too, so don’t be afraid to confront, it’s on behalf of your children because they don’t have a voice to express themselves to other adults like you do.
I could care less who recognize my child…. at the end of the day I’m her mama…I feel no one owes anyone nothing…. As long as no one mistreat my child I’m good… truth is people have favorites…. I would not care if I’m anyone favorite … I don’t ever expect anything from anyone
I wouldn’t have any contact with his family anymore. Yes his kid will see them when he at his mothers but it’s like if his mother took him somewhere else and he talked about to when he came home. That would still be something the other kids are missing out on. Maybe your parter could take to his ex and ask her not to have contact with his family. Idk if she would listen but you can try. Otherwise I would just ignore it and explain to your kids it’s in his mothers time and you can’t control what they do.
You could end the relationship, yea. Or you could cut the toxicity out.
Your partner needs to speak to his son and let him know that he is to be respectful to you in your home. As far as your partner’s family, they are his family and he should address with them their behavior towards the child you have together. Unfortunately, some families consider step children as such and treat them as such. As long as your partner treats your child and your child together as he should, you should be thankful. Focus on your family and your relationship.
Went through this too with my now ex. He never seen it as a problem that my daughter was ignored. I caught him talking bad about her to his family and I lost it. Cut ties and that was one of the biggest downfalls to our divorce
You cannot force other people to behave well. So ignore them. You tried forcing them to acknowledge you and it failed. You cut them off and they don’t care. So ignore them. Treat them like a distasteful duty. Something you must do but don’t want to.
If he ain’t doing it or condoning it why leave him. He can’t control others nor can you
In my opinion you don’t end a relationship and break up a family because one sides family doesn’t treat you or your children well. You just let it be what it is. It suck’s I get it but not worth ending your relationship especially if you have no issues with your partner directly.
As for his other child who’s being different towards you, talk to him. Have a conversation about respect. Also depending on their age kids are very easily influenced, if there is any kind of bad mouth about your family to or around them they might be confused and angry.
You can not control what happens when the other kids with his mom. And you can’t make him feel bad for seeing them when you guys don’t.
You dont have any contact already with his family so stop trying so hard to have them in your lives yes family is important but you cant change them so ignor them and go on with your lives…
You cant control how others act
you say your family side is wonderful so spend as much time with them as possible and make good memories forget about his side…
your partner must be upset too that his child with you is being ignored by his own parents …
why on earth would you leave your partner just because of his family that majes no sense
Its not his fault…you need to love him not exclude him too
This is when you rely on each other for support to get through this not leave
Cut out the toxic people
His son doesnt talk to you much because his ex has poisoned him but just stay friendly thats all you can do and try to ignor all the things he says about what he does when he is over there
When your daughter starts asking questions just say thats his family not ours
The ex seems to have alot of control over his parents and sounds really jealous becausecas soon as you had a baby things changed
But its not your problem its their problem
So go on with your lives and dont communicate with his family and keep loving your partner and be happy
If your husband has been speaking to his parents and presenting a united front, why in the world would you punish him for something he has no control over?
His parents and his ex are their own people. He can talk to them, but he can’t control them.
He cannot force them to not contact his ex and he cannot force his ex to decline the invitation.
I understand why you’re hurt and upset over the situation, you’re not wrong in that regard, but punishing your husband may be.
Who needs the stress? This isn’t something that is going to go away and I for one would Not want to live my whole life like this! You have a big decision to make if you want to be happy! Just so you know, it won’t change! Good Luck!
I look at it this way. You can’t control what happens when his child from another relationship goes to his mother’s house and they end up doing something together with your husbands side of the family. You have no control at all. When he’s with his mom, plan things to go out and do with your son and husband (because it sounds like your husband also doesn’t condone the favoritism) and maybe get your side of the family involved. If they don’t treat the kids equally and your husband has voiced his opinion to them about it and nothing has changed, just stop trying to get them involved. You said your side is involved so just work with that, and don’t exclude his other son if you go to do things with your family and he’s there for it. Just keep treating him as if he were your child while he is there. Also leaving your husband over this is no way to handle the situation. You shouldn’t punish him over something he obviously has no control over. It sounds like he’s tried, they just don’t want to listen and that’s not his fault.
Your husband needs to speak to his son about that
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Why would you end your relationship when your partner has been on your side the entire time?
What has he or your children done wrong to deserve being punished?
I don’t understand why it’s so important to you for your kids to be acknowledged by anyone besides you and your partner. You have a mixed family. One child will do things that the other child won’t do while they’re with the other parent, period. It doesn’t matter who is involved.
Is it shady of his family to do that? Yes. Should he have spoken up to his family when it started? Yes. But should you care about them? No. Kids don’t and won’t always get equal treatment, just like adults don’t. Your kids probably will never feel any particular way about it and you just want to be mad for them. That’s madness. It’s a teaching opportunity for your kids (should they ever ask) and for yourself to be able to accept, work though, and move forward productively instead of destructively. Especially since you’re considering destroying your family over it. Not saying you don’t have the prerogative to leave or end the relationship, just saying don’t be ready to go to war using someone else as the reason because you want to be the savior. Sometimes we fight battles no one asked us to. It’s fruitless.
I dont think you need to end your relationship your partner didnt do anything wrong. and as for his kid acting different towards you he may be hearing things that other family members are saying about you. just keep loving him when gets older he will see the truth. I hate when families make a difference between kids. but its they are the ones missing out on your child’s life. dont let them steal your joy. you can still be a happy family without them. you and your partner have enough love for them that they wont be without. hope everything works out
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Same situation here I have no answer for it but people that haven’t been in the same situation don’t understand how upsetting and hurtful it is. I’m sorry you and your family have to go threw this as well it’s very difficult
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My personal opinion, being a step mom who has dealt with similar situations in regards to the biological mom causing strain on mine and my daughter’s relationship in the beginning…just be the bigger and better person. When your son comes home talking about all the cool things he did and who was there, just smile and tell him you are glad he had fun. Never mention anything negative about his mother or grandparents. Plan family outings and invite them to come along, let the son know you invited them…and if they don’t show up, he will see that. If you are being supportive of him with his relationship with these people, and if they are saying mean things about you or whatever while he is there he will start to see that you are not the problem. You are the one who supports him and is nice.
You have to remember that kids are never responsible for this. It is not his fault that they choose him over the others, it is not his fault if they don’t like you, its not his fault you and the others are not invited.
Don’t let this stop all of you being a family together and keep spending time together. Even if he is gone…do a family day with your two other children and husband…and have family days when he is there, it doesn’t have to be all inclusive all the time.
Hopefully the adults (the grandparents and bio mom) come to the realization that eventually they are hurting the kids and themselves being so petty and ignorant, and that family is family, blended or not and begin to be more involved. If not, screw em. Continue to be your own family, all together, with or without them.
how has cutting them out not worked? it only didn work cause u didn follow thru. follow thru with it and ull see things will change. it did for us atleast.
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If you’re not happy why stay
Listen if you are with a good man don’t leave him cause his family is bad, that’s not fair to you or him and especially your kids. Have a sit down with his parents or have him have a chat with them about it.
Provide different experiences for the other children but don’t deny the one child’s family that obviously loves him . I know it’s hard but you have to think of the best interest of all the children . those being were ignored are not gonna miss something they weren’t really exposed to the one that is Doted on will miss that family￼… I don’t think anything the relationship is necessary￼. We all have things that are just for us in life. Maybe that family is just for him￼￼. It’s sad but it’s not the biggest thing.
Don’t end relationship just because of them tell them point blank treat all kids the same or no contact
Tell ur partner to sit his family down n explain to them that ur done with the drama n stress n u Need not (want) them to understand n if they dnt understand that ur more important to ur partner than them that’s u ur cutting them out