My 13 year old daughter has a boyfriend at school and he has come to our house a few times now. He is so sweet and respectful, a really good kid. I have noticed that he gives lots of gifts to my daughter as well as both my sons. Today, my daughter gave me a watch to give to my husband from him. He said it was too big for him and maybe my husband would like it. I think it is so so sweet that he is very giving, but I worry that it is becoming too much and I want to approach the whole thing carefully because I don’t want to make him uncomfortable. Also, because he lost his father pretty tragically about a month ago, I can’t stress enough how careful I want to be with this. Any advice is greatly appreciated!!!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like my daughters boyfriend is too giving..how do I approach him?
Maybe “giving” is his way of coping. Just let him give. You never know how much it may mean to him just to do that.
I would just tell him that while you all appreciate the thought he doesnt need to give you so many gifts you like him without them.
Maybe it’s his love language, and so he does it cause it’s how he feels loved.
Maybe his love language is acts of service. Treat him to something nice, maybe even your husband taking him out with your sons to spend time together
Leave him alone. He’s being a sweet boy who is grieving. It’s how he shows his love, his love language. Say thanks and move on.
I would talk to his mom. Befriend her and make sure she knows he’s giving things away. I’m sure she is the one who has paid for everything.
Firstly. Give the watch back. Because in all reality it was probably his fathers.
I’m curious where all the gifts are actually coming from
13? She shouldn’t be dating in my opinion school and activities should be the major priority guess I’m entirely different than this generation my daughter is 14 and she’s in the science field studying there should be no advice for two kids this age
Where’s a 13 year old getting all these gifts from ?? A watch that would fit an adult surly wasn’t his to give
Perhaps you should speak to his mother……
He’s grieving … talk to his mom. She may not realize he’s giving away all their stuff
He is grieving. Maybe his love language is giving, which helps him feel better. Maybe you should talk to his mother instead of him. She will probably be able to talk to him better because she knows him. She might not even know he’s doing that. Just have a nice talk with his mom and let her know you think he’s a very sweet kid, and y’all are grateful for him giving y’all that stuff, but say you feel like he is giving to much and you don’t want to feel as if you’re asking for it.
This isnoften a sign of suicide, and the watch may be his dad’s. I say sit down and talk with him
How old is he? Does his mother know he is giving numerous gifts?
I’d talk w mom to make sure he isn’t giving anything away with sentaminual vaule, sorry for bad spelling
I’d guess that it’s his way of coping with losing his dad. He’s trying to get the feel good hormones released and gets those from giving gifts. Maybe take him out to dinner or do something for him. I wouldn’t say anything about the gifts. Just try to help him feel included in y’all’s family and give him other ways to get the release of endorphins and other feel good hormones.
I wouldn’t mention the watch then.
I’d talk to his mom. I’d want to know where a 13 year old is getting all these gifts to give. I’d also be afraid that watch was maybe his fathers and he shouldn’t be giving it away.
I’d definitely speak with his mom . He probably has a whole lot going on his mind.
My son was bringing home nice clothes. Said girl friend and her mom buy them for him. Come to find out they were shop lifting
While I can see where you’re coming from, everyone grieves differently and this may be his way. Let him know that you and your husband are there for him, and that he can talk about whatever he needs/wants to with you both.
IMO talk to his mother first also check out that the watch wasn’t his dads because of the lost of his father he maybe not dealing with it….
Maybe he is a very giving person and doesn’t believe in holding onto something someone else may need or enjoy… or maybe he has a problem with trying to buy peoples affection and approval… I’d just let him know that you appreciate HIM being so polite and nice and that you like him for him… he may need extra love since he’s suffered such a recent loss…
Let him know he doesn’t have to give gifts to be accepted by you guys. Definitely sounds like his love language is giving. Definitely talk to the mom as well
I’d just tell him as much as yall appreciate the gifts he doesn’t need to give you guys gifts to show kindness or love and that love is kind words and someone to be there for you and pick you up when you’re down not spoil you. I was raised that gifts mean love and I wish someone would’ve explained to me as a child that giving gifts and spending money isn’t how you show love.
God loves a giving heart
Maybe you should get to know his family… their love language in general could be gift giving. He could just be showing in general overall his appreciation for your family and it could also stem from the mother, I know in my family “don’t show up without a gift” was something that came from my grandmother. Doesn’t have to be expensive but definitely something to show where you stand. I know a lot of people like that. You could also mention to his mother just that you’re not used to the gesture and don’t want to make it seem like you’re always taking? Idk…
Let it be. Maybe make mom aware if you’re concerned but he’s clearly trying not o win you all over. Or you can always say hi Hanna so much for the wonderful gifts but please know it’s not necessary we love you for you
Talk to his mom! She may not know.
First I would say try to talk to his mom before talking to him. Maybe she can give you some advice better than we can. Seeing as how she knows her son. But if that doesn’t work maybe just tell him that you guys really appreciate all the gifts but he doesn’t have to buy your love and attention. That you all like him with or without gifts￼
I’d quietly talk to his mom and discuss your concern. Like others said, maybe he’s just a giving person. But you also need to make sure mom knows what’s up. Just in case those aren’t things to be given.
Maybe thats how he shows his love, people show love different some cook for others some show their love through actions ect theres many ways for one to show love
First of all why does your 13 yo have a boyfriend??
Second I’d talk to his mom because you don’t know if he’s stealing this stuff.
And thirdly 13… Idc about love languages. Go love a sport. Go love the chess club… but you’re not loving my 13 yo walking around like this is my boyfriend. Na.
Also what’s the emotional value to all these gifts? Is this since his dad passed? If so I’d be concerned about suicide on the mind.
I also would talk to his mother and then see what she feels is best because it’s not your son. If she doesn’t handle it then I might. He might not know how to “love” (because… 13) or feel giving gifts is the only way to get others to like him. That’s a whole Convo everyone needs to collectively help him see though.
Sounds like jealousy to me
Not your child not your business to talk to him leave him alone
It sounds like he’s grieving, the watch sounds like it was his dads and he’s trying to form a bond with your husband to fill that void. He sounds depressed, a lot of suicidal people tend to pass there belongings away to those they love before they commit suicide. I would talk to his mother but ask her not to say anything to him so he doesn’t feel like he can’t trust you anymore. I would say you and hubby invite him and your kids out to dinner, make him feel special and let him know that it is okay to grieve the loss of his father.
This gives me a little flashback to a boy I knew around that age. He was super goofy and sweet. Always gave the girls really nice gifts. We were so impressed. Come to find out, he was stealing his “gifts” from his parents. Edit to add my after thought. Maybe just let him know that he doesn’t need to give anyone anything. That you will all care for him even if he didn’t give gifts. And you all enjoy his company so just having him around is enough of a gift.
You sound very understanding… sit him down and explain he is very accepted and liked by you all… you don’t want to keep accepting gifts as his company is enough and as long as he treats your daughter well thats all that matters. You want to know him for who he is not what he brings each time he comes
So talk to his mum. Then anything that is given to your family put it all in a box and discreetly give it to his mother if it is his way of grieving he’s going to feel slighted if you outright refuse but if you allow him to give it to you but discreetly give it back to his mum then there’s no harm no foul
Talk to his mother and let her address it. Not your place to be honest especially with his current circumstances.
to young for that she has things to do for her self not to worry about him
This is definitely a sign of suicide.
How well do y’all know him? I’d talk to his mom, especially if there’s any other signs.
I would keep the watch & if the day comes, since they are young, they break up, give the watch back to him. Like you said it might have been his father
She asked for advice on the situation not advice on her 13-year-old having a boyfriend if you don’t have advice on that maybe move on
Definitely talk to his mom.
I probably would not speak to him, but rather his mother. Let her know what’s going on. Return the watch & make sure it’s not her husband’s.
Some people think the way to get people to like them is to buy their affection with gifts (lots of them). He needs to know this is not necessary & people will like him for HIM! He is good enough. Maybe he needs to hear that he is good enough & have some real love shown to him? Idk……
You should share this with his mother. Let her talk to him. Also where is he getting these items or the money to buy the gifts?
Speak with the Mom. He’s grieving and trying to process his feelings for your daughter too. Which is a big thing for kids his age. My son had his first girlfriend too he’s 13 of course it’s cute but it’s hard thing emotional for them to process. It didn’t last long but he was in his feelings about it. But my son did like to give small gestures too. Nothing face but lil bracelet n necklace. Of course he purchased all the tickets for both of them for any game or dance as a young man should. But her mom made a comment about my son " he must have money money" i assumed it was a joke. N my husband love language is giving so he’s was only copying what his dad has shown him.
Sounds suspicious to me…
My brother use to give his gf gifts all the time but he would steal my mothers jewelry or money to buy a gift. So I would first talk with his mother to make sure she is aware of the gift giving and if so then I would let her and her son know that her son doesn’t have to give so many gift to express his love and that he is loved and accepted at your home without the gifts
the next time he gifts you , I would just tell him thank you and that you guys like him anyways so he doesn’t have to impress you with gifts.
Talk to the mother and explain your concerns.
Maybe invite his mum round and mention it to her…he could be giving things away that he shouldn’t be?
He’s probably just a giving kid, and maybe this is his way of expressing his grief and depression. I wouldn’t make too much of an issue out of it but at the very least voice your concerns to his mother, just in case those aren’t stolen items and are things that are meant to be given.
I wasn’t thinking a sign of suicide, like another person said… but I was thinking controlling/abusive Behavior coming soon aka love bombing. How long have they been together??
I didn’t know so many people tripped about a 13 year old having a boyfriend.
I agree with everyone else. Talk to his mom but don’t talk to her with his knowledge. You don’t want to hurt him psychologically for being a caring and sweet boy. Just let her know……We don’t want him to think we care about him because of the gifts. We love and appreciate him for whom he is.
This is a tough one. This is probably his way to feel better. However giving stuff away worries me. Talk to his mother. Tell him he is very kind but his presence is the best gift he can give and that you are there if he ever needs to talk.
I would talk to his mom, I would wonder if some of the things he is so freely giving are things shes missing around the house.
Maybe that’s one of his ways of healing and coping with the loss of losing his dad…but if anything happens I would talk to his mom!But if no harm is done then there is no wrong to what hes doing …sharing is caring!
His mom raised him right!
Wait maybe he is trying to fill that gap of loosing his dad through gifts where he is finding love and comfort
The bitches crying about her daughter dating at 13… yours is too you just don’t know… atleast this mom knows you dumbasses
Talk to his mom,about this
I would talk with his mom make sure that he’s not taking stuff that isn’t his to give. After that I would leave it be maybe his love language is giving. And he sounds like the kind of young man we all want our daughters to be with.
I would definitely speak with his mother. Grief is very difficult. When my dad died I wanted to spoil my family and give them gifts and such to show that I cared. I would talk to mom though, she could approach the situation a bit better since they feel the loss together. I would still invite him over and show him that you all still want him around! You did the right thing!!!
What the big deal? If it makes the kid happy to give let him give!
I would definitely sit down with him and let him know it’s is very thoughtful for him to think of your family and it is very nice of him to give gifts etc but that you guys all like him as is and you value his spending time together and he just is welcome as is and no gifts are necessary. If it doesn’t stop then I would go to Mom and discuss and make sure he isn’t giving away his dads belongings.
Try spending more time with him, talk to him and LEARN why & how he is managing to do so. I have read comments where people say it is his fathers watch or stole, bc he wouldn’t have a watch that would fit a man…. That’s possible, but it is also possible that he wasn’t lying. I have 2 sons, ages 11 & 13. My 11 year old is 5’8 and wears mens EVERYTHING & so does his brother… they have both received watches that were either to small or to big, so before calling him a thief, maybe know if he is first. All the gifts… I used to be the same way, would be now if I could afford to do so. My oldest is the same way, we give because we just like to give, no catches…
I would just let him know that you like him without all of the gifts.
Aww God love him, he needs some support hes grieving and being so gentle with it. Can you reach out to hes mom both work together to help him through it. Please keep an eye incase he goes down the self harm route.
Maybe he just needs someone to be there for him? And giving is what makes him happy.
He may come from a family where gifts and material objects are the love language. My family is like this.
He may just be a giver and that’s how he shows his affection talk with his mom definitely and see whats going on
Gift giving is a love language. It may be his especially on top of the grief.
How old is he? I would just put the watch away nd hang onto it. Keep a clode eye on him and talk to his mom if it gets to be too much. Also let him know your family loves him and he doesn’t need to keep giving gifts. But if he does that’s Okay
I’m trying to understand what the issue is here the kid likes to treat his girlfriend and his girlfriend’s family well as that’s probably how he was raised
I’d just bring to the other’s Mom and be like “Hey you have raised an amazing generous kid. He is really sweet but I wanted to make sure you knew he gives gifts often to us while we appreciate it we hope he knows how much his company is gift enough.”
I would talk to his mom very very discreetly as to not hurt this child more because it may be out of pure kindness
One of My love languages is gift giving. It could be all that is! I would make sure that he’s not regifting someone else’s things though.
Maybe gift giving is his love language & he doesn’t know about or fully understand boundaries yet as he is still pretty young. Sounds like it may be beneficial to form a relationship with his mom if you haven’t already. Sounds like his little family is going through a hard time.
Love languages!!! Gifts are HIS love language and how he expresses his affection! May not be your love language but may be his.
I applaud you for being concerned about this young boy! So many moms of girls encourage their daughters to use & take advantage of these sweet boys! Sounds like he’s really trying to impress you all! Maybe just talk with him & let him know he doesn’t have to buy anyone’s approval or affection. But to just continue to treat your daughter right & always be respectful in your home.
Although it’s a kind gesture and his heart is in the right place it’s inappropriate for him to be gifting things to the entire family and giving your daughter gifts as frequently as he does. It’s not realistic and will set them both up for disappointment as they mature and date others. You might want to make sure the men’s items he’s giving to your husband and other kids don’t belong to his late father. I’m sure his mother would be displeased with that at this point in time. It’s unusual for a boy his age (approx 13) to have the resources to make all of these purchases in such rapid succession. It’s worth looking into.
My 15 year old bf did the same thing. 1 year later I found out that he was hitting my kid. I never would have thought that, he was such a good respectable boy, my mind was blown and I was pissed. So be careful!
Gifting is my love language. Honestly, I don’t know how else to show love and even if someone told me to stop, I would feel like I wasn’t wanted or appreciated. No matter how gentle. Because, though I’ve never received love in that manner, it’s how I express it myself.
I would honestly not say anything. If he approaches you with a gift, you could say “you know I love you even without the gifts, right?” And that would be about all I would recommend. Especially with josh losing his father, it might be how he is coping
Let him give gifts. It’s not a big deal.
My love language is gifts. Maybe thats his love language. My little sisters boyfriend is the same way. He even gave my husband a pair of overalls
I love giving people gifts =\ lol
For everyone saying the 13 year old shouldn’t be dating…13 year olds have “boyfriends/girlfriends” without actually dating. To be dating they would have to be going out on dates(dinner, movie, stuff like that)
But anyways she didn’t ask advice on her daughter and her “dating”
Maybe talk to the boys mom secretly because the stuff he is giving may not actually be his to give. But be sure to express you don’t want him getting in trouble!
Maybe have a chat with his mum and make sure she knows that he’s giving gifts, he sounds like a lovely young boy who has been brought up well x
Honestly he just sounds like a good kid that cares about your family. If your concerned I’d suggest speaking with his mom to see if she knows about all the gifts he’s been giving but some people are just generous. I love giving my friends gifts and taking them out for dinners/movies or adventures and paying for them because if im in a position to do so im going to and I know they would do the same for me
I wouldn’t try to “address it” while he’s still emotionally fragile. Include him more & sometimes when he gives remind him “you don’t have to spoil this family to be a part of it”… might be giving is his love language, he might not know how else to communicate his feelings of wanting to be included/accepted/loved in return. How his bio family looks from the outside may be very different than you would expect. Addressing it could hurt him & shut him down, you don’t know for sure what he’s missing emotionally that he seeks in other ways. He’s 13, where’s he getting the $ for these things?
If you feel like you NEED to address this go throw the parent not the child.
I got advice one time cuz I used to feel guilty receiving gifts and some one said to me never take the joy of giving away from someone else . It’s true it will pass let him be joyful to give receive with love
As long as his mom is ok with it I wouldn’t crush his giving spirit.
I think that’s lovely, but if hes giving gifts away to the men maybe it’s his dads things that dont fit him just yet and he might want them in the future just a thought
Remember gift giving and some cultures is very important and if you deny that it could be very very hurtful to him. Could be a show of disrespect. Just set him down say hey thanks for all the gifts but can we pipe down a little bit.