I feel like my fiance doesn't want me to look pretty

My fiancé and I have been together for a year and a half. We just had a baby 3weeks ago and I’m wanting to cut my hair a little past my shoulders. It’s almost down to my butt. But when I bring it up to him he literally says “you don’t care what I have to say, you know I don’t want you to cut it.”

Also, I don’t wear makeup. I just wear lash extensions. But I’ve been wanting to do makeup again and he literally just says “why so you can go and cheat on me?”
I have NEVER cheated on him or made him feel like he’s not good enough because he is. Besides these 2 things he is such a good guy. But it makes me sad because I just want a change. My hair has been long forever and I haven’t done my makeup since I’ve been with him! I feel like I haven’t needed too. But after having a baby I just feel like I need a change and want to look pretty.
Any advice??

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Do what you want to do. You just had a baby, so you probably want change to feel more like yourself again which is not a crime. I’m not sure if he’s just controlling or insecure, but he needs to just chill out. Men don’t understand how insecure you can be after having a baby. I would just ignore the comments (or when he says that just say no you’re doing it to feel better) and carry on like you normally would.

I’ve been through this experience. I lost my way and my own identity so much. I kept paying attention to his good qualities and did what he said. I became overweight, depressed, and hated who I became and he loved it. A lot of the time The accusations are just the beginning love. During the end of our relationship and constantly getting back together, I started becoming more confident and when he still kept asking me why I was getting ready or what I was getting pretty for; I just started saying I’m getting ready for my damn self. I also had two kids with my ex, when I left the relationship finally after 5 years of gaslighting and accusations, I was 237 pounds, depressed, didn’t know who I was and completely broken. We’ve been apart for a year and I’m now 185lbs, much more toned and thriving beautifully! I hope your not at the place that I was once at, but I do hope you keep my experience in mind just to watch out for the potential signs that may come. I though the world of my ex, but he was comfortable with seeing me feeling bad about myself because it made him feel secure in himself. Take care of love, I hope this helps

My opinion is that you guys need to sit down and have a deep talk, let him know how you’re feeling.

For the cheating, and ask him why he thinks you’re going to cheat on him as that is a heinous and random accusation to throw at anyone. (Especially if there’s no past issues with either of you cheating.) It could possibly just be his own insecurities… and in SOME cases- can be him projecting his own faults. I have been in this situation before and it was HARD, but manageable if you both are willing to talk- not fight.

As for your makeup/hair… try to explain that you’re not wearing makeup for anyone but yourself (and him if that’s the case), feeling self confident makes anyone feel good… having a baby completely changes our appearance/body from start to finish and having more control of it is AWESOME! Cutting your hair is a great way to get into your new body as well… and if you hate it or he hates it (usually they realize at that length it’s not even short) it can always grow back. Haircuts feel and are healthy and will ultimately make you feel and look better. PPD is very real, and self care is absolutely going to help you to avoid it as much as you can.

Us baby-havers NEED to be able to find ourselves after having kids or it can be detrimental to our mental health. Changes to our body that are out of our control is weird and hard to handle sometimes.

On another note, honestly, maybe compliment him more or give him a little more hugs/kisses. Some men have insecurities and aren’t really taught how to handle them the way women are drilled about. Ask him how he’s feeling and if that’s the case… Get done up and have a date night out (or even in?) with him if you’re able to! Simple small things can have the largest impact, even if it’s just telling him he smells good, looks good or just a text that you’re thinking of or missing him that day.

If it turns out he’s just trying to control you or doing the things he’s accusing you of, trust your gut. Run, don’t walk away. It’s hard and not easy at points- but your kid and your mental health/freedom need to come first. Be safe. If he doesn’t hear you out and gets angry and/or lashes out, that will tell you everything you need to know about him and your future relationship together. You both deserve to be happy and the only way for it to be fixed is genuine communication and trust. If you don’t have it now you may not be able to get it in the future. Therapy could potentially help if it gets to that point and you really want to stay. Trust your gut.

Talk to him. Actually communicate with him. It may turn into an argument but stand your ground. If he’s not willing to talk with you or back off on controlling the way YOU look, then throw him in the damn trash. If he’s not willing to put in the work by communicating equally then he isn’t worth your time and heartache. You’ll also be showing your child how to be weak minded if you just deal with the abuse.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like my fiance doesn't want me to look pretty

Oof he’s sounding insecure and toxic. Controlling. He needs to calm his ass down and do what makes you happy.

Unfortunately I think this is just the beginning of his controlling you!!!

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It sounds like he has issues. If he can’t be supportive over something as simple as the hair and makeup, then he’s not going to be supportive for anything you want to do later on that are bigger changes.

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Do what you want to your own body. If it makes you feel better, then do it.

Stop letting him control you. This kind of behaviour of his almost always ends up abusive.

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Sounds like a narcissist

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Red flag right there.

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You better dump your fiancé before he becomes your husband. He’s so controlling on you!!

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Do it. Make whatever change you need to make to make you feel better for YOU. He doesn’t like short hair? Good, let him grow his out. He doesn’t like make up? Great, he shouldn’t wear it But you are your own person and you make decisions for your own self. He can’t control that. Don’t allow that.

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My advice is you are your own boss. You wanna wear makeup & cut your hair then do it. Unfortunately, that’s controlling behavior.

Just do it. Does he ask you if he can get a haircut? I doubt it.

Just do it. Does he ask you if he can get a haircut? I doubt it.

Just do it. Does he ask you if he can get a haircut? I doubt it.

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Big red flags. Don’t marry him. He’s a narcissist and the controlling will only get worse. If you can’t express yourself how you want then it’s time to kick him out

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1st of all Its not his decision it is yours. If he is already starting 2 take away your rights right now that u all are not even married what can u expect in the future!

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My husband has always preferred my hair long, but sometimes I want it short. I always ask his opinion, I like hearing his opinion, but at the end of the day if I want to cut my hair (which I’ve done several times) then that’s exactly what I’m going to do and my husband has always supported that decision because it’s my own decision. You can welcome his opinion, but at the end of the day you do what makes you happy. Plus hair grows back and makeup washes off. It really doesn’t matter what he says, do what you want for yourself. Especially after having a baby Lord knows we all need a bit of a confidence boost!

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If he’s being like that,he’s guilty of something.

Your body, your choice. Simples!

Sounds controlling!! Red flag alert !!! RUN .

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Do a little makeup and see what he says?? He may like it and not realise if you have never worn it around him before xx

Good guy or not, you can’t let anyone control you or manipulate you.
If you wanna cut your hair and do your makeup, DO IT! You’re allowed to make yourself feel pretty! it’s important to feel special especially after having a baby. &If he really loves you he will support you 110%

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Don’t let his insecurities make you insecure! You just had a baby do what you need to do to make yourself feel great about yourself!

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Cut your hair.
Do your makeup.

Get rid of the man if he isn’t supportive on doing what makes you feel best.

The end.

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Most important, do what makes you feel good. A person who truly loves you will love and support you even if you were bald. Don’t settle for less than you’re worth… then add tax

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Just do it. But from experience if they continuously make comments about you cheating then it’s likely a guilty conscious because they are doing it. There is no reason you can’t do your hair and makeup the way you want.

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Hes insecure about himself and you are sufferin for it sis. It will prob get worse. You deserve to be happy not picked at

Your body…your rules…

Do what you want to do he ll come around if not you know what to do !

You do anything that makes you feel better about yourself. Its just hair hunny it grows back. That make up? wear it. As a mama myself i know you have to make yourself feel good about yourself. I say do it

Do it! He will get over it! Make urself feel good again …he needs stop being controlling n insecure

Toxic. Move on. Controlling is not a as form of love. Run away and don’t look back.

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Sounds like a real douche

Girl do whatever you feel you need to do for yourself to boost that confidence back up! Sit down & explain to him the complexity of emotions you feel, and yes, some of those may be hormonal. How your self-esteem has plummeted and how you’d like to try to boost that back up! Also, it is normal for women to be hard on themselves post-pregnancy, your body and hormones are still changing and will for a few more months. It’s hard for men to understand these things as well. Sit down with him and have an honest, open conversation about how you’re feeling.

My ex would ask why I was wearing pig fat on my face whenever I wanted to wear make up. He didn’t like when I cut my hair. When I dressed up, it was who are you trying to impress. It only got worse. Please leave now while you can. It took a while for me to find myself after and I still have some trauma from it.

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Do it. If he doesn’t like it leave him. He’s most likely cheating

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Not a good guy :triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post:

Your body you choose what to do with it for all he knows he’ll like it

He sounds insecure, you guys just had a baby and that takes a toll on men too. He’s probably feeling not wanted enough as you guys’ time is wrapped up in the new baby.
You have to do what makes you happy, but you guys need to work on your communication and how you execute it.
Therapy is always a great help too!

You do you if he doesn’t like it get him gone :wave:

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Yikes… he sounds like he’s got some insecurities and issues that he needs to work through none of which are your fault or have anything to do with you.
I would just reassure him that you are doing that stuff for yourself and he needs to work on himself. Id normally tell people to get out of that situation but I realize you guys just had a baby together so you are trying to make things work.
Bottom line you should be able to do whatever you want with yourself and your looks… this is all a him issue and he needs figure out why he’s feeling like that toward you and heal it so he doesn’t hurt you with his issues. :heartpulse:

Baby gurl cut them damn hair :haircut_woman:t4:, do ya makeup :lipstick:, your fiance should support you, we only live once… Now he is imposing on you who knows what he will treat you like later on…
Pss: Between us he sounds like a toxic person…

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I’d be throwing on some running shoes while your at it…Red flag!!! He sounds like he has self esteem issues he really needs to work on and until he does he will just drag you down.

It’s your body you do you and if he don’t like it then he don’t need you

You do what you want to for YOU… My ex use to say things like that also but he was the one cheating and never wanted me to feel happy or good about myself… My now husband never does that… So… Cut your hair… Do that makeup and dump that dude! You will feel new again! Good luck momma!

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Yeah thats a red flag, even though your in a relationship with someone, its still your body and your choice and he should be ok with that. If I tell my husband I wanna dye my hair purple he says ok if thats what you wanna do, go for it. No argument.

Cut your hair. Do your makeup. Do it for you, not for him. He will get used to it.

Girl you don’t need his blessing to wear makeup or cut your hair!!! He betta fall in line or get tf ON somewhere

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Don’t let a man dictate ur life girl! Do that make up and cut ur hair hun, u do u💜

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Dump him and tell him to get some therapy

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Tell him you want to look attractive for him. That is how he met you. Or better yet say, “I am so sorry someone cheated on you in the past. Tell me about it babe.”

Some guys don’t like change. I love long hair. But there is always compromise. Start with the makeup I’m sure he’ll like it when he sees it

So you say “no I wanna look good for YOU”

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Definitely leave. He’s saying things like that to guilt you into not doin it. That’s your body, not his

You do what makes you feel good. If you want makeup, do it. If you want your hair cut do it. My fiancee likes my hair long to but tells me if I want to cut it go ahead. If he tries make you feel bad by saying it’s to cheat point out you wouldn’t need makeup to cheat if you wanted to.

Sounds like he might be looking elsewhere… that comment has always ended up where they were cheating in my situationships

Most men loves there
girl with long hair, makeup u can do to enhance urself nothing wrong in beautifying ur face

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Do u… don’t worry and don’t care what he thinks about YOUR body. If he has a problem then it’s his problem not yours… tell him bye if it’s that big of a deal.

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Sounds like he’s jealous, nip it in the bud, or life will become hellish, anyway its not really up to him, it’s your choice and your body not his!

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Oh man just throw the whole man away — there’s no reason any man should want his wife to feel “unpretty” or have low self esteem- other than a weakling attempt at control

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Don’t tell him you want to do it, just do it. You are your own person and it is your body. If he has a problem tell him to fuck right off.

Girl do what makes YOU feel good!!! You may also want to prepare. I’ve never known a man to accuse a woman of cheating or wanting to cheat without him actually cheating or thinking about it.

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That is a toxic trait. My ex would grill me on why I would wear make up saying it was for some guy. Then I would never wear make up and get say I don’t ever try and look good for him. It a lose lose battle. Tell him to shut up

This is narcissism at its best. Red flags all over the place.
Do what’s best for you, what makes you feel happy. And consider that he may not be a part of that.

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You do what makes you happy explain to him that ypu want to feel good about yourself and you aren’t doing it for anyone else. If he gas a problem w it tell him to step

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Walk away.
These may seem like small things, but they are control points for him and he’s gaslighting you to try to make it seem like somehow it’s your fault that he has such absurd demands on what he doesn’t want you to do.

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If he was a “good man” he would support you in what makes you feel good and happy. :woman_shrugging: Don’t you find it a bit sus that he jumps to a drastic reaction just because you want to do your makeup or hair? I would find it suspicious

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Sounds like he has trust issues and is a little controlling. You should do what you want, it is your body. I would put some money away just in case so you could leave if need be.

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I get what people are saying and may be true but we all have preference maby he’s just attracted to long hair and no make up

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I cut my hair when I want, I don’t wear makeup, or fancy clothes and probably look homeless 95% of the time. My husband could care less, he prefers natural vs fake anyways…Also it’s MY BODY so I can do whatever I wish without another opinion. But this guy’s clearly got his own set of issues to work out

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Mental abuse and controlling. Run away.

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Do it. Post natal depression is real. Amd if thats what you need to do for your own boost do it!

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Sounds like a controlling narcissist

These may seem like little things now, but in reality they are the beginning of him dictating to you what you can and can’t do. For the sake of your peace in the future do NOT let what he wants override what you want!!! You get into that and not only will you be miserable later, you’ll never get back out of it.
You are your own person, do what makes you happy.

Do it! Tell him you need to do it for yourself and explain how it’ll help your self confidence. If he asks nasty to you for doing it, I’d say to be very weary…

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Definitely narcissistic behaviour :frowning:

Sounds extremely insecure to me

He’s super insecure. My husband tells me I’m beautiful either way, and doesn’t make me feel bad for wanting to make myself feel good with makeup and hair. I know he’s likes my hair long and has told me, but has never once told me anything bad that my keep my hair at my shoulders. It’s about my comfort, not about his ego.

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Relationships don’t work without trust. He doesn’t trust you. He is controlling what you do with your own body. This is made even harder seeing as you said you just had a baby. A woman needs to do things to feel good after baby since all her time is taken up caring for the baby. Don’t let someone control you like that.

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Gaslighting and narcissistic behavior go hand in hand.
I’d nvr met anyone control me. I don’t need permission . My ex did this shit. And I didn’t stop doin what I wanted to life myself up.

Tell him to pound sand.

Now everyone’s different and my opinion is just that…MY opinion.

He sounds a bit controlling or he is insecure. I also know from experience that sometimes they say you will cheat on them when they themselves are doing some extra work with others.

Talk to him and ask him what the real reason is. Tell him YOU want to do it for YOU so that you can feel picked up after having a baby. We go through so many changes after having a baby and we need her pick me up. He needs to realize that this will make you feel better and that should be in his list of priorities, to make you feel beautiful.

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Sounds very insecure and not support at all…doesn’t sound like anyone you need to waste time on

The not cutting your hair thing… literally could just be he loves your long hair. My husband would hate it if I cut my hair off.
The make-up comment is very…cringy.
Has he always made these comments? Or has it just been since baby? If it’s just been since baby I would explore the possibility that he’s suffering from male post partum depression (yes it really is a thing)

Run! You don’t need permission to wear make up or cut your hair.

Cut your hair if that is what you want to do. Long hair is a pain to deal with especially with a baby. The amount of time it takes to blow dry …. I didn’t have that much time to “do” hair with a baby. Not that you need to explain that to him but this is reason enough to cut it.

He probably loves your hair longer. Also, you don’t normally wear makeup so maybe that makes him insecure wondering why you would like to wear it now. I’d compromise with a haircut that is still a little long and I’d also tell him how you’re feeling and explain that you just want to feel better about yourself. How you feel is important but you’re in a relationship and how he feels is important to. Compromise and consideration are not bad things.

I would just do it. It’s hair, it will always grow back. You are you own person, if cutting your hair, wearing makeup is something you wanna do to make yourself feel good, go for it! Don’t let him tell you otherwise. It’s not about wanting to cheat or finding someone else, it’s wanting to feel ourselves again while trying to juggle life, being a mom, being a life with your partner. Before all this you were a person and still deserve to be a person outside of all those things.

You do you that’s it that’s all, his feelings in regards to your appearance are irrelevant. He obviously found you attractive in the beginning so I doubt that’s the problem. If he is developing jealousy that is his problem not yours.

Ask him if he’s going to wash baby puke out of your hair. Literally, ask him. And then tell him to get the fuck over himself because its YOUR body and you can do whatever you want to it and if he doesn’t like that, well there’s the fuckin door.

Drop the idiot if he has made absolutely no attempt to be a part of the enrichment of your feelings or life!

Sounds so familiar… I was with someone like this for years. It just got worse, all of it. It wound up being much more than a physical change in my appearance that he didn’t approve of. Now I’m married to a man that when I say, “I’m coloring my hair purple”, he looks at me like I’m nuts and laughs …(understandable) but he always tells me to do what makes me feel best, and makes me feel beautiful when I do it. There’s a difference… take care of you and make your own decisions. He will get over it, or he won’t… then that’s a whole new story :heart:

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Cut your hair and do your makeup (this is for you) not him… one or two things will happen. He will love it because you feel good. Or he won’t, and if he doesn’t then it’s not meant to be :heart:

Do what makes you feel good! If ye cant support you on cutting your own hair and doing some makeup… What else will he not support you on. :broken_heart: when ever I ask my hubby his opinion on my hair… He will say… “I like it long. But you do what you want… How ever you want it!”

Do what you want, you don’t need his permission! Unless he is asking you if he can have a shave or wear aftershave, then tell him to mind his own

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Men don’t understand that we make changes or do things to make us feel pretty for OURSELVES that it’s not for the male gaze. Whereas for most
Men they only do extra things in order to be attractive for other women. So they just don’t understand the mindset. My husband had the same issues until I tried to explain to him it’s for ME. And till he saw how much happier I was with myself when I do things for myself.

He has trust issues. Can it get better sure. But it won’t be easy. Most will split up.