I feel like my husband cares more about work than us: Advice?

Does anyone else feel like their husband cares more about work than family? i get he neesd to have a job but i feel liky my husband makes no time for us and when i mention it to him all he does is get mad…i jsut want to feel appreciated and like he is part of the family but he just doesnt seem interested


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like my husband cares more about work than us: Advice?

You can’t have it all :woman_shrugging:


at least he care about working… some refuse to even put in an application for a job


So would you rather him not work and be homeless? I mean the man is probably tired? Give him a break


the issue is he will never tell you his worry and concern about providing the life ypu and your family has. men dont often talk because they need to feel as the breadwinner and because he works so much he feels he needs to continue to provide the life you have. this is just my thoughts as i do not know you or him or your financial abilities


The grass will always look greener from the other side, atleast he is working but your feelings are still valid.

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You should show some appreciation and give him some slack since he is a hard worker. He could be someone who isn’t motivated to work and be a financial strain. My ex was the financial strain and my current husband is the hard worker. I’d choose my hard working man any day because we make a great team. My husband is tired due to long hours of physical work but we make time for us as a family and as a couple. I wanted more time with him so I decided to join him at the gym. It’s definitely a bonding experience.
Take the initiative. Plan a movie day at home as a family and don’t get mad if he falls asleep. Plan an at home date night and make his favorite meal. If you show him appreciation then it could help things. Men shouldn’t be the only ones making the effort in all aspects, they deserve to be spoiled.

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Take a breath. Put your feelings on pause. Take a step back and really LOOK at the situation. Not just what you want or how you personally would do things…but him as a person and the situation as a whole from a practical perspective.
Is he choosing to work so much…or is his company demanding he work that much?
What happens if he refuses? Would you as a family suffer financially? How many things would need to be cut out or cut down on to accommodate less hours? Would you really be happy about making those sacrifices? Or would you complain?

Does he talk about work a lot? Is it because he just loves his job and he’s sharing that with you? Or does his job cause stress and anxiety for him that he needs to vent about?

Is his job demanding in some way that leaves him feeling exhausted either physically or mentally?

Working and providing can be a lot of pressure. My job isn’t physically demanding but it is mentally demanding and I don’t want to plan anything or make any decisions after I get off work.

What are you wanting exactly? Fun little outings? Grand gestures? Or would you be content to relax and do something at home together?
Life doesn’t have to be a series of grand gestures. My husband and I play Fortnite together. Sometimes between both of our jobs, the kids, and the house that’s all we really get to do to spend time together.
Sometimes we put on a movie and snuggle.
Take the time to appreciate the smaller things. If you’re not doing smaller things then maybe suggest that. Ask him to come keep you company while you cook. Ask him to watch a movie with you.
It’s ok to not have tons of outings and grand gestures.


Girl I know how you feel. Sometimes its best to sit down and talk with him about how you’re feeling. Or, you two can plan a night for just you two. Reconnect, share your thoughts and feelings with him. Feeling unappreciated is one of the worst feelings.


Does he support his family? If work is more important and he isn’t supporting his family then there’s a problem. But if he works hard to support his family. You’re lucky some people don’t give a fuck.

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Your soul is hurting. Not many will understand. He works but you probably take care of absolutely everything else. It’s exhausting. I have no remedy, but can relate.


My husband works a lot. I only see him Thursday mornings and Saturdays and during those times he likes to go do the things that he doesn’t have a chance to do during the week. I know it’s hard and lonely, but I don’t think it’s because he doesn’t want to be a part of your family. Maybe quality time is your love language and you just want more attention on his time off.

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Idk why so many people are invalidating her. I work full time and come home and am 100% invested in my family. I am tired but I do it because I want to and I love them. If he is disconnected from the family it’s because he’s choosing that. Your feelings are valid.


If you don’t already maybe help him out by pulling some extra hours so he doesn’t have to pull in so many?

Duh, he probably ain’t…without more details…that’s all I can say.

I got divorced because of this reason… work become a priority, not just because of money but because it was preferred than spending time with family.
Money is made but time cant, once its gone its gone.


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Your feelings are valid; however, so are your husbands. A lot of women don’t realize the extra stress their working spouse takes on when they are a stay at home parent. There are bills, there are personal struggles, work struggles, their personal feelings of appreciation, etc. Men are not robots, they are human too. Instead of telling your husband he isn’t acting like he’s part of the family; try including him in different ways. Sit down with him on the couch and be apart of his world for a minute, talk to him, find out what’s going on? Maybe there’s something going on that he’s stressing over that you aren’t aware of. The two of you can work this out, you just have to try.


What is his job? How many hours does he have to work? What elements does he work in? I can tell you he is most likely working his butt off and doing his best to provide for his family and probably feels guilt for not being able to spend time with them. All depends though you didn’t give much info. Learn to be happy and grateful for a husband with a job and a family you have, people always seem to forget how lucky and blessed they truly are.

My husband use to be like this i felt like a broken record telling him his kids ain’t gonna be young forever and I wasn’t going to put up with him always working for money that he had no long or short term plans for. I told him I understood money is important but your kids are more so and if he was going to put his job before his kids I essentially didn’t want to be with him cause he was acting like he was married to his job. He finally got it together and spends the afternoons with us.

Does he prioritize work over family? Like jumping at the opportunity to go into work in his day off or volunteer for OT? Or is his job demanding and physically draining to the point that when he’s home, he doesn’t want to move or think or even use the energy necessary to breathe? Because there is a difference.

If he intentionally prioritizes work over his family, you have a bigger issue. Something is making him want to avoid being at home.

If it’s that when he comes home from work, he’s just zoned out, that’s just exhaustion. My husband works a physically demanding job. He leaves home M-F and some Saturdays at 4am. On occasion he gets a short day and he’s home early afternoon. Other days, after leaving at 4am, he doesn’t get home until 6-7pm. He isn’t putting work before his family, it’s just the demands of the job. Sometimes he gets home, eats, showers and goes straight to bed. I try to not plan anything for the week because I know he’s exhausted. We save family stuff for the weekend.

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Women want a man’s time and want him to work. You can’t have both. I have a career, not a job. You need to pick a different battle. He probably doesn’t feel appreciated either. He more than likely feels like he can’t do enough.

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Do you work outside the home?


These comments are ridiculous. My boyfriend is the stay at home dad in our family, while i work full time AND go to school full time while we have TWO kids aged 2 and 7. Yet somehow our relationship and children feel fullfilled by both of us? You prioritize. You make time because you chose to love those people. I have severe medical issues as well, hell i just spent the weekend in the hospital because of my medical issues, do you think my boyfriend and I arent both exhausted because we are. It’s an excuse babe, I hate to tell you that and to all of these people in the comments invalidating her you are part of the problem. It’s a partnership. TEAM EFFORT. Teamwork makes the dreamwork, and everything is temporary. This too shall pass.


At least he has a job to feed his family. What do you want him to do quit to make him happy.

Maybe he wants to feel appreciated for his sacrifices and for working so hard.

What you want from your husband is reasonable. Do you know what his love language is? When you say to him that you feel he doesn’t care about you and the kids because he is more concerned about work, you could be invalidating his love language. He likely is invested in work because it’s his way of loving you and your kids, making sure your family is financially safe and can have the things you need and want. Saying to him he cares more about work than you may leave him frustrated and very angry that you don’t see how much he cares and how hard he works for you and your kids. You may just need to tweak what you are saying a bit for him to hear what you need. Maybe be less critical about his investment in work and start asking for specific things you need from him in the moment. Don’t expect him to just get it or see it.


He’s working to support you. Why don’t you support him? Instead of complain.


He dosent care about work. It is a means for him to provide for you. It’s his way of contributing. Showing you how he cares.

Maybe he is stressed and can only focus on one thing at a time :man_shrugging: I was like that I worked 6-7 days a week to provide for my family with the stress of bills and keeping a roof over my families heads. I knew what I had to do and I couldn’t “be in the moment “ with my family for a long time


If you don’t want him to work as much then why don’t you get a job to help contribute to the lost wages he’ll have? He’s working to support his family so if that’s a problem for you just leave so someone else can appreciate the sacrifices he’s making to be able to support his family

I lived feeling like this for years! We’re still together today, but I feel that I raised my kids on my own. It was a lonely road too! It def wasn’t ez either! Good luck

Perhaps he already has somebody at work (work wife)