I feel like my husband isn't getting paid enough: Advice?

I am currently struggling with this and don’t know how to proceed. My husband is a hard-working man who busts his butt every single day at work. I recently had it pointed out to me by multiple people that he is not making enough money. (He works for his dad in a family company) he also does not receive any benefits for his full-time, hard labor job. He makes $20 an hour, is supporting myself and two children off of it. We are scraping by constantly; his father knows we are scraping but doesn’t make any moves to give him a raise. My husband feels guilty asking his father, who is extremely well off, for a raise but doesn’t want to leave the company. I don’t want to put my nose where it doesn’t belong. But I feel like my husband is being ripped off by his own father. He’s been with him for five years and is well trained in his area of work. I looked up other jobs in his field in this area of work, and it was all $28-$33 dollars. Once our baby gets older, I plan to return to work, but daycares for two littles are just too expensive when I might not even make enough to cover it with my wages. I can’t tell him what to do, but what would you say about your father-in-law being a millionaire but paying all of his workers Lowly?


Money is always so awkward to talk about. But just go ahead and do it. Like you said, you are not making enough to live.

Tell your husband to ask for a raise. If Dad says no, tell him to apply at other local jobs and show his dad an offer letter from one that offers more. If it doesn’t help, tell him to leave and go his own path. Family and business never work well together. It can ruin relationships


You checked jobs and what they pay employees but did you check on everything they take out of those peoples checks for their jobs?


$20/hr is pretty decent. I’d stop complaining and be grateful your husband has a job . If he doesn’t feel he’s getting paid enough then go find work elsewhere!


I worked for 11 an hr. Single parent with 2 kids. NO state help. didnt even know it was even there. Maybe your beyond your needs of living. Father in law isn’t there to take care of you. It’s business.


$20/hr is damn good. Most people right now are only making $11-$15 an hour and also have kids to provide for. Lioe she said i think u should be grateful

If he is being paid less than the average he should ask his dad for a raise. Or find another job.

20 an hour is a lot. My husband does labor and is getting paid around there with seniority.


People yall need to realise $20 is different in some areas. If they’re scraping by that’s not good. She said for her area(!) he could make 28-33 that means again for his area(!) hes making at the bottom $8less an hour than others in his field. I would switch jobs dads obviously using the fact that hes dad against him and your family is suffering for it


Work ethic, job performance also has to do w pay. Just cuz he’s gone everyday doesn’t mean he is doing a great job. Have to look at all sides.


This is for your husband to handle. Not your family, not your employer. It is a shame, though. Could your husband go to work for another company?

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$20 is a decent wage. Just because those jobs pay that much doesn’t mean anything because he could get less hrs. Treated unfairly etc

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20.00 an hour my husband makes about that a few cents short actually and he still made 109,000 dollars last year because he works any overtime that’s available and he supports himself our 2 girls and now myself since can no longer work due to health and my medication alone and insurance just for me is off the hook and we have a truck payment and a harley payment mortgage and the list goes on and we get zilch help from anywhere nothing and we even help our oldest when she needs it so it can be done you have to budget and you have to live within your means and make sure you never have more going out than you have coming in we do ok there’s some weeks we struggle harder than others but we manage we have bills that are truly unnecessary niw that we do not have my income so it will definitely get easier for us once we get out of some of thise unnecessary items and live within the income we have now not what we are used to having but 20 an hour is actually a dang good job pay you also have to consider he isnt getting all the other extras taken out my husband made right at 10 grand in one pay period with his overtime and holiday pay and incentives and bonuses and after they took what they wanted out he brought home 4200 so it evens out in long run just saying

He should ask for a raise. Show how much other companies are paying for his position and he should get at least that. If his father denies it he should move on cuz any other full time job offers benefits for him and his family as well as more per hour. Family loyalty can only go so far and it should go both ways. His father should want him succeeding, not struggling.


Working with family SUCKS, my other half was in the same place but started at 14 a great. Then he quite and worked his way up the ladder and now makes 30hr with benefits and a company truck that’s rolled out with stuff he can keep.

Have your husband put together a formal letter to his father with proof of his research on average pay for your area as well as what he brings to the company and what he does to warrant a pay increase. If at that point his father will not agree to an increase then I would suggest he start looking elsewhere


20 an hr for a laborer is good pay. My hubs pay his laborers 15hr starting if they have experience it will be more but not more then 20/hr


These comments though!🤦 In my state $20 an hour is decent but not enough to support my family of 6…


His father doesn’t owe him anymore than the agreed upon amount. Him being a millionaire is irrelevant. Your husband should most definitely ask for a raise as he’s been working there for five years and anywhere else he would have gotten one by now! But if he has the potential to make 8 dollars more an hour he need grow tf up and get after it. It being a family company means nothing if y’all’s bills aren’t being paid.


Speak with you husband about your concerns and have him ask for a raise.

My guess is he probably should be paid more but BECAUSE he is family his dad may feel he can take advantage of that. I would have your husband look else where and explain to his dad he needs a raise or he will leave to work with another company where he can make X amount.

Working with or for family is NEVER a good idea.

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He should go work for one of the other companies. The pay increase and benefits alone would be worth it.


Try making a budget track where your money is going if your legitimately struggling have a talk with dad show him where your falling short maybe he is not aware of the situation and once he sees your being frugal and having a hard time he’ll understand if your living above your means and wasting money go find another job because Dad has probably got a training for future of the company going on and he’s not gonna hand the company over to someone that can’t manage money

Let your husband be an adult and ask for his own raise. Have him show evidence of what the wages are for his craft (includes with and without certs).


He is free to apply to other places. If he gets another offer, he can put in for his 2 weeks and his father can decide to negotiate or let him go. That’s it. Can’t force anyone’s hand though. His or his father.


He needs to just ask his dad. And explain to him why he thinks he deserves a raise. Because he’s hardworking ect. Or he can act like he got another job opportunity with a different company doing the same thing, but better pay. If his father values his sons hard work and dedication he will give him a raise. If not, it’s time to work
For someone else.


Where I live for a family of 4 making $20 you barely break even with 1 income. I would have your husband ask for a raise or find a different company that will give him what you need with benefits.

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If his profession starts pay at $8 or more than he is currently making, then he should ask for a raise. No matter who the boss is. If he doesn’t get the raise then he should start putting in applications to those other places.


We went thru those. Best decision he made was to leave. We are now finally living a comfortable life.


Maybe you shouldn’t complain about $20/hr. Most people don’t get close to that… also, if you found jobs for $28-$33/hr, maybe he should get one of those jobs. :woman_shrugging:


If he’s as skilled a worker as you indicate and the rates you looked up are for your area then he should look for work at companies that pay a rate that reflects that. If he truly doesn’t want to leave his father’s company, he can use the offers from other companies as leverage to incentivize his father to give him a raise.


I’ve always been taught that if you want something in life, go get it. He needs to ask for a raise. If it doesn’t happen, then he should look elsewhere for work. Nobody will put value on you if you don’t value yourself.


It’s up to him to get a new job or try for a raise… maybe you can get a job to help ? Work nights if he works days etc to avoid childcare cost of that is a hurdle… 20 an hr is good… family has no part in if it pays bills or not

My husband works for a chicken factory he’s a maintenance man. He gets paid that for his job. Honestly 20$ a hour is fucking amazing. Maybe you need to budget better

This is why you don’t work for ot do business with family. You’re not entitled to anything. And if you feel you have earned it, you need to ask. Either DH needs to talk to his dad, or you’re going to have to figure out how to be okay with the employment arrangement. You need to treat this as if his employer is a stranger you don’t know.

Wow I would be thankful if my husband was making $20 an hour he only makes $11.50 and we still survive just on his income and he is taking care of me and his daughter!


Know your worth$$$$$

Hold on what are the other employees making and hour where he is currently working under his father? If they are making under what he is or about the same then I don’t see the problem. Unless you are living in an “upscale” area then $20 an hour should be fine to support your household of 4. I work medical and get paid $12 an hour which to me is way below my pay grade considering I am constantly giving injections and running ivs among the 100 other things but if I can manage to make my $12 an hour cover bills and everything for my household of 3 plus our pets then I don’t see why someone couldnt make 20 work for a household of 4

You asked what I think of his millionaire father paying all of his employees lowly. I think that is why he is a millionaire.


He should ask for a raise no matter who his bosses is and if he is not provided with a raise then he needs to move on and find a job that will pay him adequately.

I’m sorry but we are a family of 11 …9 kids and 2adults and we make it on just one income just fine. We pay for our own groceries etc no government help besides my WIC. Sounds like either ur living beyond your means or you need to budget your money better.


Aha…yeah were workin off 32hrs a week and 11$ an hour. We struggle constantly.
20 an hour would be a blessing.
I’d reevaluate your budget and see where that money is going. You guys either are spending beyond your means or have too many notes to pay.


Something need to give his father is burning him into the ground and just taking the money with no quilt no benefits!! He can’t do this forever he need to address this issue immediately what happens if he gets hurt on the job sounds like daddy doesn’t give a shit :ok_hand:t2:

He can ask for a raise or if you are hurting that much financially it may be time for you to look for a job opposite shift than his. Many families need to do it to avoid having to pay for daycare.


Know. Your. Worth. :black_heart::black_heart:

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I would be getting paid the same as everyone else and have benefits. Or leave

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People need to understand that $20 in one area is not the same as $20 in another area.
I’m from New Zealand and a family of four would 100% struggle to live off one income at $20 per hour.


As much as you may want to intervene in the situation, you need to leave it alone. Your husband KNOWS he’s being taken advantage of but he still wants to work there. :woman_shrugging:t4: If you constantly pressure him, that will probably cause problems between the two of you. I know childcare is expensive but you may be eligible for some type of childcare assistance. If you’re tired of scraping by then try to get something at least part time that may help with the bills. If he works in the morning then maybe you could work in the evening. Then maybe he would see how serious you are about needing extra money.

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A closed mouth don’t get fed. What’s the worst that can happen? He say no? And if he does, that should he motivation to find work elsewhere where he’d be getting better pay. 🤷🏻


Ignore all the haters on here who are telling you that $20 is acceptable and to live with it just because you can. Fight for what you are worth! Period. In the SAHM world, his livelihood if yours too and your opinions matter.

If the salary for his skilled position would be higher elsewhere, I would just speak to him about just applying! Remind him that he is worth it and is capable. Be a light of empowerment for him, as he likely is worried that he would jeopardize the families financial security and may not even know it’s something you want. Work as a team to figure out what is best for you and yours and just start the conversation. What’s the worst that can happen in just applying?

If he successfully gets a job offer, ask for an equivalent pay from father out of courtesy. If he is unwilling to budge, then you have to do what is best for you.

Father in law don’t get wealthy by being stupid w money…I don’t know where u live or what your husband does but I’m a tradesman…I hear all the time ppl crying of what they think they should make…in trades…most of us that make the good or better money are either working for union on prevailing wages…which isn’t always a good thing…or we work for ourselves and own our businesses…as a worker many don’t make the wages ppl think the job should be paying…it’s like a mechanic…working in a shop…doesn’t make that 75+/ hour that you pay…the actual mechanic may make 18 or 20 at a shop that appreciates them…the ones that actually keep the business going and make the owner money…don’t make the big bucks…as for your husband…I’d bet he prob makes well over what other employees make…I’d say if he feels underpaid…go look elsewhere…depending on what he does for work… Probably will find that others doing what he does at other companies don’t make what u might think…I hear ppl all the time tell me…pooh I’ve never worked a job making less than 25/he for any construction company…yet can’t even buy their own tools…can’t pay rent etc… And have nothing of their own

If he’s not going to ask for a raise then nothing can be done. If you ask it’ll start drama.

You said it yourself…dont put your nose into somewhere it doesn’t belong. If his boss wasnt his father, would you be thinking the same thing? Id let him be the man, and ask his boss (by himself) for a raise. Your lucky he has a job making that much, id just grin and bear it 🤷

What is the going rate for his position ? Maybe he is more skilled then his position and dad can promote him instead of just handing over a raise :slightly_smiling_face:

Try cutting back on unnecessary spending/eating out. It will save you so much money.

If he is getting paid a legal living wage then there is nothing to be said. He can ask for a wage rise but he might get a no. If that happens then he needs to move on.

It’s tricky with family. You don’t want to drive A wedge between the two of you.

Good luck it’s obviously the way they’ve done it for years, you’re dead right he’s totally being ripped off and taken advantage of. It’s sad to hear they are well off I think perhaps just ask for minimum wage or dob the company in for not paying it.

Think of the bigger picture

Your father in law is loaded with money and your husband stands to inherit alot of it

You husband is a hard working man, earns decent money and has a secure job

His family have a business that hasn’t gone bust

Your children are healthy

Count your blessings instead of complaining many people would love to be in your position in life!

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$20 an hour should more than take care of family of 4. Write down everything you are spending and I guarantee you can cut some things.


If he’s making less then anyone else in his field is making then yes y’all should be upset, especially with no benefits. He should approach his dad, not as his son but an employee. If he refuses your husband should consider the other jobs, I sure would! And just help out dad if needed from time to time :woman_shrugging:t2:

His decision to not be a grown up and either look elsewhere or request a pay increase is affecting you and your family. You have every right and a responsibility to demand better of him. It may start “drama” but that is his problem, not yours.

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He’s taking advantage of his own son. Some families take advantage

Ring the tAxman get him investigated

If you cant manage on $20 an hour with 2 kids( as you stated) then you all need to stop wasting money.


Fine for you to have an opinion, his job, his decision about that. It’s important that he be happy at his job. Show him all the information you found about pay and benefits in your area, offer to be there for moral support should he decide to ask for a raise and or benefits. Should he not I think you should let him know how much you appreciate how hard he works for his family. Best of luck.

So my husband was in a similar situation minus working for family, I just encouraged him to apply to the other jobs that paid more and had better benefits and said our family need medical care, dental and vision and what was the harm in applying and going for a interview.

He took a personal day went to the interview, and the company sold itself he was more than qualified, they offered him 5 more dollars an hour great benefits so he knew his worth right there so all I did was offer positive encouragement. If his dad can’t match the offer than they should understand


How much is your rent and do u have vehicle payments or any other large expenses monthly ?

Ask for a raise, and if FIL doesn’t grant it, then go work for the competition.

Find a different job

We were tired of scraping by and we’re in recovery so we both have stains on our names that make getting good jobs more difficult… My husband was making $15/hr, no benefits, it was under the table but then they wanted to put him on the books but still not offer anything to make up for what we’d inevitably lose plus they were illegally treating him as an employee but labeling him a subcontractor to also avoid the benefits, workers comp, ect and to top it off the company was last shady af… They went “bankrupt” them reopened in another relatives name 3 times in the 1 and half-2 years we were with them to avoid any kind of consequences or paying for actions they continually choose to repeat. It became quite clear that they weren’t really offering my husband Oppurtunity to learn and grow with the company. He left and we’re going on our 3rd year in business for ourselves… It’s hard for sure and there’s a huge difference in working for someone else and running a company but he makes more than he did then but he’s home much much more than he ever was then!!! We have 2 girls, our baby being 5 now, so who wants to work 60 hrs/ week and still have nothing so not only are you killing yourself but then you’re too damn tired to be truly there with family time as well. And everyone on here talking about their spending habits and basically imo just sounding jealous cause you make less than that, their all missing the point which is the job he does has a going rate established in their area and it’s well over what he’s bringing home now! And I’m willing to guarantee it’s that pay WITH benefits as well right!?! But there’s not gonna be much you can do if he isn’t on board and harping on him will ultimately just drive a wedge between not only you and your husband but then his family as well, at least that’s if he won’t leave and I’ve seen those situations before… They feel loyalty to the family business so they stay regardless of their pay and appreciation levels. Maybe he believes he’ll get the business one day so this is a sacrifice rn??? So I’d open the door to talk with him about all of this but don’t be pushy because ultimately he’s not going to leave if he doesn’t want to. Tread lightly and maybe you can start getting ideas in his head without actually going all into it??? But my best advice is just to support him as much as you can! Can he start a side thing on weekends, ect, where he gets his own jobs? I got my husband’s business cards before he really went out on his own and he was so grateful but beyond that I think it helped give him the confidence to keep pursuing what he wanted to do! Why make some dude rich while knowing they won’t ever care about you and yours?

He needs to take his experience elsewhere

He needs a raise and benefits

He should just let his father know that he has to look for other work so that he can provide for his family if his father doesn’t like that then he should take care of you guys and let his father know that he wants to stay but he can’t


Working for family is hard… my husband did it and only got paid 12 dollars an hour and when he would ask his dad always said well its a family business… out family didn’t count I guess

What to other companies in your area oay for the same job ? Do other similar skilled working in the company get paid the same or more ? Does your husband get any other benefits like extra vacation or ? He should get paid what his value is based on his skills and work ethics.

I make 11 a hour full time job my hubby makes 12 full time job we have 2 kids so fam of 4 our rent is 800 then have groceries vehicle insurance phones tv internet water sewer credit cards and live comfortably


Omg… so many “judgey” people l. Not sure why I read this any more! Kinda sickening


I live in Minnesota and could we make it on $20 probably but things would constantly be tight and the stress of living that way would kill me. I would just have an honest conversation with your husband. He has to know how tough it is too. Maybe show him the going rate of other places. I’m sure those places also offer benefits. Its tough working for family.

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All you can do is support your husband. He is the only one who can ask for a raise and he is the only one who can decide when/if to leave the company. Speaking from experience from someone who tried to fix things and hurt her marriage in the process.

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Why don’t you get a job? Wish I made 20.00 an HR.

This is your husbands battle unfortunately. He needs to sit and talk to his dad. You may need to work opposite hours at a job.

I’d cut back on monthly expenses. My guy just lost a great job didn’t make near that much and we made it fine with 4 kids expecting our 5th. We struggle but we get by just fine. My husband might make $1200 now that he lost his great job making more than triple that. Just for reference. Y’all just have to give up some comfort and luxury items and make what y’all make work

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There are so many people that don’t even make that much an hour. If you’re struggling off that maybe take a look at all your finances… my husband was making just over $15 an hour and our rent was 750. We made it just fine.

Id say its sad when people are SO damn greedy that they will take advantage of their own flesh and blood. Sad and it happens if you let it. Your husbands loyalty has to be to his wife and kids, not his parents. He has issues.

Billy depends on what state you’re living in if 20 dollars an hour does not cut it then I would ask him for a raise the priority is your kids and if you can’t be cutting up then he should be looking elsewhere cuz you guys come first

Just because lots of people don’t make that much, doesn’t mean that particular job isn’t worth more than 20$/hour. Have him find a better paying job if they won’t pay him what his time is worth.


Not to sound rude, but judging off how much you pay for rent, I’m assuming you don’t live in an area where you NEED to make $20/hr to get by like NYC, Illinois, or California.
We live in NC, my hubby makes $21/hr, the only income, and supports 3 kids (two being in diapers). We make it just fine.
When we first got out on our own, at 18 with a 3 month old, he was making $9.50 with our rent being $550 a month. It was HARD but we made due. We had no food stamps and the list for daycare assistance was about 1.5 years. We didn’t have “luxuries” like TV, WiFi, etc. I didn’t even have a phone of any kind at that time. But we scraped by until he was able to slowly work his way up the food chain.
Either cut out the luxury items (like cable, junk food, eating out, etc.), tell him he needs to ask for a raise, or tell him he needs to find a better paying job🤷🏻‍♀️


Apparently I need to live where a lot of you guys live! If I made $20 an hour I wouldn’t be able to afford rent / groceries.

Let alone a car , insurance , gas , student loan payments , internet , cell phone, clothing , emergencies!

$20 is what $2000 a month clear ? …I legit couldn’t imagine. I was making that out of high school!

And that’s just keeping me alive! Add kids on that :flushed::exploding_head:. We would be eating ramen.


Why don’t you look for a part time job you can do on your husband’s days off, or work around your husbands hours, for example grocery stores always need night help, so do all night restaurants. That is what my ex and I did.

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Other options rather than complaining about what other’s have that they worked for would be…1) him asking for a raise with a convincing speech 2.)looking for a higher paying job 3.)Looking for a second job. 4.) Cutting back on non essential 5.) You finding a job with a opposite shift as his so one of you will be home with kids without adding daycare expense, yet adding more income to the household. None may be easy but all are valid options Rather than complaining since that option gets you no where :tipping_hand_woman:


My husband has a degree and didn’t make $20 an hour for quite a few years!


I pay my employees $20/hr starting and I own a cleaning business.
Your husband definitely should be making more for a labor intensive job.

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Sometimes the trade off to working for family for less is inheriting a successful company. Has your husband has this sort of discussion with your FIL and maybe just not shared with you?

Sounds like he needs to go apply somewhere else!! If he should be making more money and doesnt want to ask for a raise, then go job hunting!! 🤷 or sounds like you guys need to change your life styles and spending! 🤷 your husband is grown and he knows what needs to be done.


As a self employed hairstylist we are constantly told “charge your worth”. If he is trained (or licensed) and works full time with an amazing record of showing up and getting it done properly it’s well within his rights to ask for a raise. I’d encourage him to ask politely and point out what great work he does. If that doesn’t work or is met with anger or disagreement then maybe he should search the area for places that will value his work.


Have him apply for a similar job, get a job offer in writing, and present it to his father. If he doesn’t respect his son’s worth then he takes the job and you move on.


Is he working under the table? 20 and hour and no benefits. Idk what state your in, but my husband makes 18, we have 2 children, and we can’t get state aid for anything. So wheres your insurance and things come from?
If hes working the table, it’d explain why he doesn’t want to leave the company even if he’s being under paid.

if hes been making that for years, I would push it, rehearse with him what to say to his dad for a raise. If he feels he deserves if, he needs to sick up for himself. If you want something, you sometimes just have you ask for it. the most he can say is no, If your husband feels like he isn’t appropriate, maybe take his skills else where, then maybe his dad will realized he deserves every penny and a raise.

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Everyone is missing the point here. She isn’t asking for him to get paid more because his Dad can afford to pay him more. She’s simply asking for her husband to be paid a fair wage for the particular job he does. At the least it sounds like he should be making $8 more an hour, and that is the bottom end of the pay scale for this job where they live (WHEREVER that may be). Plus her husband has 5 years experience, so he should be making on the upward end of the pay scale for that particular job in their area. It doesn’t matter if y’all have gotten by on less. I think what perterbs her above all is that her father-in-law is clearly taking advantage of her husband, and in the process is not only disrespecting him (and her) but allowing his grandchildren to suffer for his greed. Tell me now… wouldn’t that piss you all off too?? I know it would me. $41,600 per year (before taxes) with no benefits is pretty crappy for someone who has a skill and 5 years of experience.