I feel like my husband never wants to do anything with us unless it's his idea: Advice?

Ok, so this really bothers me my husband won’t do ANYTHING with me and our 3kids unless it’s something he wants to do! His reason they don’t listen! Which are sometimes true… I recently asked him to go bowling with the kids he said no bc all they will do is fight… But anytime his family invites us to go do something he is all for it… I guess my question is wat should I do?

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Tell him to quit being a baby.- they’re his kids too! Sometimes as a parent you have to do stuff you don’t want to do :woman_shrugging:t2:

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My ex husband was like that and that’s one of the reasons why he is an ex. He NEVER wanted to be a part of any memories or ideas that I had for the kids… Zoo, park, aquarium, trampoline park, picnic, etc. but he would only want to go do what he wanted to do. So I never took him because he always brought the mood down and just made it so uncomfortable and awkward, so the kids and I went and we made our memories on our own. He didn’t figure it out until a few months after I left him that he was missing out on those memories of the kids and us as a family.

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Do things without him then. He’ll realize that they CAN go out. He needs to understand that kids are going to be kids, and how can he expect them to know how to behave if they never do it to learn…

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Get an idea hard. Have him put his in it too. But that’s a bummer …

If you have a family member or friend, go with them. I’d just go without him. :woman_shrugging:t2:

Unpopular opinion alert: it may really be because its not fun and kids act better around other people

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Leave him with the kids and take a vacation!

Make him think its his idea works with my hubby

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Trade him in for a good husband and father.

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Go without him? If he doesn’t wanna make memories with his kids that’s his problem

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Put him on a sticker chart. Everytime he participates, he gets a sticker. Jk lol good luck tho

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Take them without him make memories and come home smiling with happy children and maybe it will guilt his inflated ego to thinking if she can do it on her own then it will be an easy ride :woman_shrugging:

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Have a nice day with your kids.:grinning::grinning:

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Continue making memories with the kids with or without him!!!

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screw him and go enjoy your kiddos my ex was like that hence why after a long time he finally became an ex wish i had years sooner !!

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You “do” you.
Let him “do” him.

When the kids are grown, he’ll want to do stuff with them, and they won’t have the time for him.

Cats in the cradle.

Relationships are not built solely on being related. You have to invest time and energy to get the relationship you want with family members.

So you go, be supportive, make memories with your children. Don’t allow his indifference to negatively impact the relationship you are building with your children. Let him know how you feel, and let him know what he’s missing out on.

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This is my son’s dad. I used to beg him to do things with me and our son, but didn’t want to and still won’t to this day. We just go and do our own thing and make our own memories

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I’d plan a mini getaway just for the kids and yourself and when he says something about coming along too just say “Well I assumed you wouldn’t want to come since the kids might misbehave so I didnt plan on you joining us sorry shrugs”. Then go and have an amazing time without him! Sucks to suck!

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Kids are only little once. Laugh loudly make memories. Take pictures I wouldnt even invite him anymore I would just go and come back happy you did things with your kids he will start feeling left out and say well I stopped inviting you because you never said yes good luck best wishes to you and your family

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Same here & we have 4 kids, so I just do everything without him or I tell him I want him to come & then we have to leave early bc of him :flushed::roll_eyes::roll_eyes:

Start treating him the way he does you.
And a problem with his own kids fighting all the time is an issue with him “ignoring” certain aspects.
Time for a serious talk. If get nowhere don’t bug about- jus say f it and do to him.

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My dad was like that when I was a kid. He never wanted to go do anything with us as a family. Now that all of us kids are grown and don’t really have much to do with him he grumbles and wonders why because we’re always doing things with our mom still. Spending time is creating a bond that your kids will carry with them forever.

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Does he realize he is one of the two people that is supposed to be molding his children into respectable citizens. It doesn’t happen without the mother OR father being present, daily.

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Sound like my hubby but I never plan for him anyways cause he never does nothing so why bother

Maybe with his family around the kids act different or his family helps out when they are naughty. :confused:

That’s how kids learn and how he can be sure to teach them how he expects them to act while out and about. I had friends that never took their kids out to dine because they said the kids didn’t mind , I took my kids every place and they knew how to behave because I made sure to teach and guide them . Yes sometimes we left and went home early due to bad behavior but only a few times because they learned.

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Start going without him when he says no. He will catch on

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Stop going with him when he wants to go. Men learn quicker when we treat them the same as they treat us.

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Continue to take your kids to do things & don’t invite him !!!

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You could discipline them and reward the good behavior, no fights, etc.

My dad was like that at first and now regrets it so much. I remember family dinners and family activities that he wouldn’t go to. It was rare for him to actually do something like that with us. He realized this when I was in my teens and tried to do everything he could for us to spend time as a family as often as possible. Some guys just need a wake up call I guess. Kids see those things and they wonder where their dad is. Life is too short and he needs to spend time with his family whether he wants to or not.
Adding, my dad is a wonderful dad who deeply cares for his family. It just took him a little while to realize what he was doing is all. Some guys just need a heads up or a wake up call before they realize.

Do the same to him. When his family asks you to do something let him take kids by himself since he likes doing it when they ask. You stay home and have some ME time

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That was my x only do what she wanted and got the shits when I said I didn’t want to.

My ex did this… unless he wanted to do it, he wouldn’t go. So most of my outings with the kids were just me and the kids. Same with date nights. Never anything I wanted to do. And those were very few and usually with his friends where inwas left alone for most of it. But i ended up just doing my own thing with the kids because i wasnt skipping out on making memories with them. He missed out on a lot because of it. His loss. And the kids will see it too. Honestly the only thing you can do is talk it out. But you cant make him step up and do family things.

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The reverse psychology may not immediately work but keep it up and don’t give in. Go out places alone with the kids. Say you are sick when his family invites (in the beginning it will be a fight and he won’t go at all) you all. You have to play a roll here too with your own children’s discipline. Try taking each child out separately, lay down the ground rules, then add a child, mix it up until all three can go together and get along. Honestly you’re going to have to exile your husband for a little bit to find a solution for your own sanity while out with the children.

I have to admit my kids have ruined alot of the things I enjoy doing just with normal kid attitude, whining and not getting along .
I completely understand kids natural developmemt because I have worked with hundreds of them but they can be so annoying and stressful, espically when all you want to do is have a chill out time.
I still strive to do fun things with them, just not near as often as we used to. Now that they are 12&13 they dont want do much with eaiter of us unless they get something out of it. Lol

Start with telling him how you feel and having a serious grown up conversation. (Half sarcasm, half not.) Seriously, when it comes to parenting, you guys need to get on the same page and fast.

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Don’t go to what he wants you guys to go to :woman_shrugging:t4:

Get marriage counseling to work on your relationship if talking to hubs doesn’t work. You should also get on the same page with behavior expectations and discipline, and a family counselor can help you reach consensus.

Also, work together on getting your children to get along and behave. Tell hubs if the kids misbehave it’s half his fault and what’s he going to do about it?

Maybe do physical activities where everyone gets exhausted is good: swimming, hiking, biking, sledding, Zumba. Too tired to fuss at each other.

Play non-competitive or cooperative games vs ones with winners/losers, or activities with individual goals, like paint or pottery nights.

Be sure each kid gets enough attention from both of you so they don’t seek negative attention by acting up.

If he uses the kids behavior as a reason then he needs to help fix the problem you both need to come up with how to react to your kids and how to fix it before they get older he’ll be really embarrassed then

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Well Is this reason to be ultimately upset to the point you want to divorce/leave ? I think not so keep working on things and don’t sweat the small stuff

Sounds like typical kids. If he can’t handle it then it sounds like a deeper problem. I’d stop inviting him and do things with my kids alone.

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My husband is the same way. I just stopped asking him and take my son alone. My child will remember it when he’s older too.

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Do the kids truly not listen? You mentioned he said the kids would fight if he took them bowling, do they act out in public? Does he actively parent outside of extra curricular activities?

I guess what I’m saying is if he’s an active parent but doesn’t want to participate in extras with the kids, maybe it’s because he feels as if their behavior doesn’t constitute a reward. And when his family invites, maybe he sees that as an opportunity to visit and not as a reward for the kids.

There are definitely days where I don’t participate in activities with my kids because their behavior has sucked the life out of me that day, so I feel like there are too many variables to give accurate advice. The best route would be to try to communicate with him. I know that can be frustrating within itself, but it may be the simplest route.

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First it sounds like yall both as parents need to get a handle on the kids behavior Especially if in public, fighting, fussing, acting a fool should not be tolerated at all by either one of you. Yall BOTH need to address that issue. Maybe a good place to start these behavior modifications start at home. Example cook outs , smores around a firepit or even just marshmallows, dinner at the table every evening every one choose a meal for dinner dad picks first, oldest kid gets the next night and so on, no arguing allowed, have game time no arguing with that either, you really have to enforce it, tell the hubby he needs to set an example and participate in the house activities and gradually go out to do stuff, more of age appropriate things with the kids, go hike, fish, just go to the park have a picnic but it’s up to the parents to set the tone and tolerable behavior

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Remind him that if you separate he will have all of them all by himself at least every other weekend. He can either go out altogether now and figure it out with you, or he can figure it out all by himself.

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Do things without him, it’s him that misses out, he will eventually join in or you will both go ur seperate ways .

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Maybe he needs to start spending 1 on 1 time with each of them to start. And once he builds on those relationships then maybe he will be more willing to go and maybe they will behave more.

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My family agreed to draw activities we would do as a family. He just needs to agree to go

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My ex husband was like that and in the end I just did things without him one of many reasons why we are not together

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Use the argument that maybe if he did things with his family more, they would listen better and maybe even have an enjoyable outing. Turn the tables a bit… hugs
Stay strong

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Maybe he is an introverted person and finds it too difficult to put himself in certain settings :woman_shrugging: think about the types of activities he is happy to be a part of and try and work together …going out with his extended family may ease the stresses for him being in certain situations. If he is a good father and partner in other ways I wouldn’t hastily end your relationship … possibly even see a relationship councillor together to try and find a happy medium :slightly_smiling_face:

Tell him he should be grateful for his family no matter if they listen or not and if their not then hes lacking in the discipline area and should help you more men dont like to help or do things they have very little patience like us the mothers that carry them for 9+months and go thru so much to have them they dont understand that but you need to also tell him that he will regret it when their older not doing things with them they grow up so quick

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Start planning & going places with your kids. If he doesn’t want to come it’s his loss and it’s your beautiful memories you are creating with your kids. Don’t let that slip by cause he doesn’t want to spend time with you guys… time will fly by and memories is all you will have. Enjoy it!

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Talk to him about it. My husband gets same way so I just didn’t mention or try to include, then he wanted to be lil more involved. “Secret men want attention”

I learned to go without and eventually he came around.

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This is one of the reasons I let my ex go…

My famous line was “if you can’t bare to be a family man, then you can bare to loose the family”

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If he got off the couch and did things with the kids they wouldn’t act out to get his attention they just want their dad to realize they need his attention and to spend time together if he isn’t gonna work with the kids and be active on activities he shouldn’t of had kids

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That’s how it was with my marriage his way no way always his way for the 2 of us we did family vacations too never wanted a date night every place I say he don’t like doing anything but working that’s he life now not mine

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Stop asking and just go alone. If he gets upset then maybe he can reevaluate then.

I have this problem with my husband, if it doesnt involve sitting on his phone he ain’t doing it, we have 4 kids and he doesnt know them enough to do stuff with them, he only “found out” the other day our 2yr old is having 2 wheatabix at breakfast - hes been having that for the last few months so his surprise at it was hilarious and proved he doesnt take notice of anything. My thoughts on this would be if you have sons do you want them growing up and treating there kids like there dad did them or do you want them to be proper family men? And if you have girls do you want them to expect to be treated this way when they have a family? If you dont want the kids growing up like it consider your options and what you can do carefully. Only you know what is best your you and the kiddies. For myself I’m putting up with the situation until I find work and then I can kick his ass to the curb. You find your way and figure out what you want.

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Spend the time with your kids! Trying to make him do something he doesnt want to do is just going to cause an argument you probably dont need…I would just go have fun with them and make kick ass memories.My boyfriend sometimes feels the same way as well and you know what I found that not caring…helps.

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Sounds like typical kids to me. He’s also sounds like a selfish guy!

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My hubby love going out and doing things on weekends with me and our 4 kids we just got back from the lake and meeting with friends have a chat to him tell him how you really feel

My husband is the same. All sorts of excuses, but he can lay around watching soccer whole damn day. I guess I too just got tired of asking. And try and do activities with my 3

Get money from him and let him stay home. If the kids act up, do they behave around his family. Doubt it. Bs excuse.

I feel the same work, work but when home… Nothing I feel like shit and cleaner etc… List endless x

Remind him that practice improves skills! This includes behavior!

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Tell him to participate being part of the family or leave.

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Sorry, he sounds like a narcissist. His way or no way.:woman_shrugging:

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Tell him it is his job as a father to help you keep them in line and it’s not fair to anyone for him to skip family outings. Discipline and patience go a long way. Honestly im pissed off for you.

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Well I love my husband and his workaholic, so I learn that I won’t wait, he wants to come his more than welcome, he wants to stay, he can stay. I have my own car, first times in was feeling bad and guilty but seen my kids so happy helps me.
I do understand he needs to work, but my kids deserve to go out time to times. I never go to my husband family for other reasons. But am totally happy I can take my kids out anywhere I want and am thankful that he understands that and respect my independence.

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Ask his best friend
See how quick he starts to change his mind

Umm probably talk to him about how your feel idk man.

Tell him what you told us. Maybe he doesn’t realize it.

If his family comes does that mean more help with the kids, like grandparents? That can be quite a stress reducer.

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This page always has the oddest questions posted…most time the “questions” answer themselves…

Total ASS! Sorry you are dealing with that.

Have picked a different husband

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I see all these women saying “just take your kids and have fun” but thats not the point.

It sucks not having a partner to share in those family memories that WANT to be there with you. My husband is the same way and if he doesn’t fix whatever his issue is and keeps making do things like a single mom, ill just go ahead and be a single mom. Fuck that. WE ALL deserve a man who WANTS to be a family even if it means the kids arguing the whole time. Being present is so important.

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Any man that doesn’t participate with their kids. Is because the wife has allowed it.
The first time he says oh you do it , it don’t know what I’m doing? Is when you step up and show him then go out.
If the kids fight or don’t listen ?its because they don’t see him as a parent, because he is lazy and spoilt.
Right from the moment the baby is born demand he help , none of the bs about , oh l have worked all day im tired. Mother has worked all day and most of the night.
Wives allow their man to because a useless parent. Might as well be alone.

Go without him. Leave his ass home. Go, have fun with your kids.

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Leave the jerk and find someone that wants to be with you and his kids, selfish, spoiled SOB

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Men always copping out or put they own feeling before everyone else … like tell him to suck it and be part of this family or fuck off

Stop asking and start telling him

Just go have fun without him

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You’re lucky you get to go out as a Family occasionally. This is my life except my Husband’s Family don’t do anything to invite us out. My Dad was the same so i’ve felt the pain as the child and the wife :cry: There’s not much we can do except live with it as far as i know.

I’d stop asking. I would just tell him me and the kids are doing this. I do it to my hubby. I just tell him what me and the kids are going to do and if he wants to come he can. Sometimes he will and sometimes he won’t. It’s great if he does but if not, I got it. Eventually your kids will figure it out and about that time he’ll be wanting to participate and the kids are going to be like, no we like when mom takes us and that’s when it’ll really hit him how much he wasn’t there.

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Just do what you want to do ask him if he wants to do something and if he doesnt just go without him. He will soon realise that he is missing out on all the fun

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Enjoy your time with your kids. If he misses out to bad for him. The kids will remember all the great times with you.
I used to let my fiancé hold us back from doing thing because I wanted “family memories “ but me and the kids go out and do out things and if he wants to come great, if not his loss.
My kids know who is there and who isn’t.

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Do stuff without him. One day he’ll look up and the kids will be grown and gone and he will have missed everything!

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Does he not want to be seen as the hard parent, all kids act up, or not listen sometimes. He may rather leave discipline to you. Or maybe he isn’t used to being a parent yet, after all kids need their dads as well as their mums. I’d hate to think he is ashamed of his kids, maybe he’s ashamed of himself, his reactions. Sadly he’s missing out on building good, happy family memories with his kids.

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Lol sounds like my life and my SO hates my side of the family(my mom and siblings only tbh). He refuses to go anywhere with them but yea… no advice except if you can, go without him anyways🤷🏽‍♀️ Seems like a good idea and that’s my plan when I get me a car soon🤷🏽‍♀️

Yea I agree to do things without him, my husband is anti-social so I would take our 3 kids out without him… understandably there is covid so I haven’t gone out with them since California is bad but you gotta do what’s right for the kids not him

He might feel like they behave better around his family or his family helps watch them HOWEVER THEYRE HIS FREAKIN KIDS :woman_facepalming:t5:

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Go without him. When ur kids get older they will remember and keep in touch with the one who was there and as for him, he’ll be lonely when no one wants to see/talk to him. Trust me. He wants to be alone and distant now? Then he will be alone and everyone will be distant when they grow up. He needs to be careful for what he’s asking for. Or better yet, leave him altogether bc his misery will rain on your parade and you deserve someone who wants to be with you while you do everything family related

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My husband had stop doing things with me and my 3 kids. So I planned the events, took the kids, let him know, he could join us, if he didn’t want to go, that’s ok. The kids and I enjoyed ourselves. Our kids are all grown up.