I feel like my mother doesn't try to be a grandma to my kids: Just needed to vent

Due to unfortunate circumstances, my family is currently living with my mother. She works five days a week. And when she’s not working, she’s out drinking. When my oldest daughter was little, she was the best grandma, always wanting to spend time with her, always wanting to do stuff with her. But ever since my youngest was born (almost two years ago), it’s like a switched flipped in her head, and she would rather relive her 20s than be a grandma. I cook, clean, buy groceries. She is literally NEVER home. Which I get it, live life. But how could you NOT want to come home sober and spend some quality time with your grandkids? She and I are always arguing because (yes. I know I live at her house), but I am literally the only one who does ANYTHING. And I have not had not even one night to myself where I didn’t have to wake up at the asscrack of dawn with the baby. She makes no offers to help me. I have balled my eyes out to her that I need a break, and she tells me, “that’s my job, I’m the mom.” My neighbor is more of a grandma to my girls than my own mother. (note: my mom is their ONLY living grandparent). I literally spend more time crying than laughing these days. I guess I just needed to write it all out and get it off my chest and probably be berated for complaining about my mom who lets me live in her house with my kids but

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I am so sorry you’re dealing with that. As you know you can only control how you act and no one else. Keep your focus on you. Regardless of how she acts you cannot, I repeat cannot change her. Accept that this is your life, get other help from friends, and change what you can (without your moms help. Otherwise you’re just beating your head against a brick wall. You will be amazed at what comes from this. Good luck and God bless.

I am sorry you are so stressed out about your mother and her not being much of a grandma to your two kids. She has clearly had a change of heart from your first child, who was only one child to deal with at that time. She clearly wants to spend more time on her own life. She works five days a week and is tired. She is older now and perhaps she can’t deal with what she used to manage. I can see how you would like to have some help, but she gets to live her own life. You do not mention your husband or a boyfriend, so perhaps you do not have that relationship you can rely on. You are living in her house, but I think you need to figure out how to get your own little place for you and your kids. I don’t know the details of your life, but please stop having children. You cannot take care of the ones you have. I would suggest that you start seeing a therapist so you can figure out how to move on with your life. Clearly your mom has had it with your current arrangement. I think your relationship with her would be better if you were living on your own as an adult with your children. This is not her responsibility. She might become more engaged with your children if she could see them when she wants to. Good luck.

If you’re family is the one there that are eat, making a mess etc… If she’s not there (separate issue) why would you expect her to cook and clean. YOUR Family is making the mess, ask YOUR husband to help not her. Do you not see how flawed that thinking is??