I feel like my mother-in-law tries to take over when she comes over: Advice?

Hello, I have a question it’s about my mother Inlaw I have a 2-month-old son I feel that my mother Inlaw likes to take over when it comes to my son like for an example every time we go see my inlaws she likes to rip him out of my hands and when he cries she doesn’t give me a chance to go to him or feed him or change. Should I let it be or talk to her

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Talk to her. She might not even notice she’s doing it and is excited to see them.

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Okay so i’m not the only one who’s dealt with this! I finally had to put my foot down and turned my back to her when she tried to take my son out of my arms, did she have a fit yes, but guess what as the mother we are allowed to say No!

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She probably thinks she’s giving you a break just talk to her but make sure express its how you feel about the situation and use lots of I statements no need to piss off the in laws

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Maybe she’s trying to help you and doesn’t want to wait for you to ask for help ? Some moms don’t like asking for help or some time off… If it’s not her being offensive or overly controlling, I’d try to enjoy it.

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Just let it be, she loves her new grandbaby and she’s only trying to help. Lots of grandparents feel that when you go to their house that’s their time to help because you’re at home doing it all by yourself and this is how they get to feel like they’re doing something like they are giving you a gift. Be happy your mother-in-law loves her grandbaby so much there are lots of mother-in-laws who are nothing like that. Now if it becomes way too much you could say things like let’s just let him sleep for a little bit in his seat he’s been fussy a lot. Or I’ll change his diaper I need all the practice I can get. But believe me in a couple months when the baby is not so tiny you’ll be wishing somebody was there to help you do those things

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If it bothers you that much talk to her! When she attends to his needs when you’re visiting I would just enjoy the help! She’s probably just an excited grandma! I wish my kids grandparents or anyone was involved and I would appreciate and love the help and the break sometimes! Set rules you are comfortable with and communicate with her about it.

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Hell no. Youre the mom, not her. She has no right to just take him or refuse to give him back.

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It is probably her just excited to help take care of the baby! I have done this with ALL the new babies in our family! I was called the baby hog cause I didn’t like to share :joy:

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Unless she’s brushing you off or being disrespectful, I would let her. Go take a shower. Pluck your eyebrows. Take a nap lol :joy:. I had a minor conversation with my own mom about it, because it was coming off as she thought I couldn’t handle my own baby, but she said she was just trying to help me. Sometimes it’s not always what it seems.

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She may just be trying to help you out…I would talk to her or just let her do so and take a break🤷‍♀️

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That’s what Grandma does. She just wants a close relationship with your baby. It’s okay to talk with her about it. Your feelings are valid!
We’re not close to my mom, my kids video call her daily to say hi. I have a 12yo and a 1.5yo, it helps when we do visit in person as well. :yellow_heart:

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HELL. NO. Take your child back. The next time she snatches, snatch baby right back and call her on assuming and not asking. When she tries to do stuff, remind her she is NOT the parent and tell her to stop. Tell her to back the fuck off now or you’re going to have more problems down the road.

Talk to her about it but she is the Grammy and wants to help

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have a talk and set boundaries

Talk to her she needs to know boundries and where her place is mommy’s know best and she doesn’t need to be doing that this is me my opinion I’d let her know its upsetting and you have every right to comfort your baby as needed and she can have baby just after you are done doing what you need to do as mommy

99% of the time when it comes to a newer baby, the family member(s) are just trying to help out and give you a break. If it honestly upsets you so much just explain that you understand why they’re doing it but that you would still prefer to take the lead on caring for your child when they’re around.

Let her help you. Once the newness of having a new baby wears off and you’re tired, you’re going to welcome this help later. Be happy you have somebody to love on your child.

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If she wants to help tell her to cook dinner or do laundry while you are with your child.

She absolutely needs a talking to. Otherwise she will just keep doing it. And it just Carry’s on as they get older. She will end up dismissing you when you tell your child no, and overrule you. (Giving them sweets etc… once you have already said no)
I’m all for grandparents getting time for cuddles etc… but ripping baby away, and refusing to give the child back when they are crying or hungry isnt really acceptable imo. X

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Probably just excited to be a grandma

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That’s a grand mom and I would never change my kids grandmother

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Just take the baby, & run

Express your feelings to her in a respectful way. It sounds more like she’s trying to help instead of “taking over” to me. She just wants that grandma time with her grandson. My family is and was excited about my girls!

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She probably thinks that she’s helping and it’s coming off the wrong way. I would let it be for a while and see what happens and if it gets worse then I would have a nice conversation about it. Having the conversation is gonna be tough tho!

If it bothers you, talk to her about it or it will never change. Her helping is one thing but taking over your role is another. Yes it’s nice to have help but that doesn’t mean you should let her or anyone cross your boundaries just because “you should accept the help”. Also if you don’t talk to her, it will just continue to bother you and eventually you’ll resent her for something you never asked her to change.

Let her. You’re gonna wish she did that more often eventually take the time to sit back and relax.

Mine just shows up and walks in without notice criticizing how I am as a mother even though I’m with my sons 24/7 and I take care of her grown ass baby as well. She never asks to take him or offers us a break basically all we have besides his sister( a drunk, because mom did such a good job)My oldest has a different dad and she also tells me how I should coparent with his dad when we get along just fine. I’ve dealt with this for almost 6 years now and finally just started giving her sarcastic comments back and mumbling to myself like she does in my home.

The things u said she does seem like shes just trying to help. If she was one of those crazy controlling in laws I think u would have other examples! Just try to let her help, but if ur really bothered just say, I really want to do this for my baby. :woman_shrugging:

I’d take full advantage of the break honestly. I never had that kind of when my kids were babies

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When my daughter was a baby my sister did the same, when she had her sons I did it. We both checked it was ok 1st but we always help the other as much as possible. Maybe speak to her, personally I would enjoy the break esp when lo is so little. But if your uncomfortable you need to speak up

If it really bothers you say something! I’ll bet though she is doing it because she thinks she’s helping. Her way of giving you a small break kind of thing.

I had the same problem and it made me mad. Talk to her and set your boundaries

First time mom I’m assuming :joy:
Just enjoy the break. It sounds like she is trying to help you with baby.
All these people on this page have so much drama over literally nothing

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:eyes::eyes::eyes: girl mines the same way!! :woman_facepalming:t2:

Your the babies voice. Tell her I’m going to change him and feed him. Give me a second to get him calmed down.

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Grandparents don’t last forever let them help out in every way it’s good for their mind😁

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She’s a granny its their job! Appreciate it and respect her bc she’s not going to live forever. Be thankful she wants to help & let her. All grandmas are like this

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Talk to her! Let her know how you feel. When baby needs to be fed or changed, demand that she gives him back.

At one point with both my children I had to say, STOP ! And that was that.

She’s just being a good grandma. You have your kid all the time enjoy the break

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Take advantage of the little breaks she gives you!! You’re very lucky to have someone who wants to be involved…you will be grateful for that in the future!!

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It’s a new baby!! She is excited too… Believe me when the baby gets older you
Will like the break

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I would just let it be until he gets a little older and then if she starts doing stuff you tell her not to and undermining you then I would talk to her about it right now it sounds like maybe she’s just trying to help you out and spend as much time with her grandchild as she can

Above all you are mom. You say what happens.

But on the other side, that gives you time to do your own stuff without fear. ( Now I have to beg and cry to get even 10 minutes alone) As a mom I hate hearing the constant cry but in all honesty it won’t hurt him to cry a little bit. The baby should be In Good hands

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She’s probably just really excited to have a baby around. She wants to give you a break and help, but also wants bonding time with her grandbaby. Yes, if it bothers you, speak to her, but please do so gently. She probably just remembers being a mom to a new baby, and knows that she could’ve used help back then.

Tell her off. She has no right to rip YOUR child out of your arms.

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This drove me crazy too. When it happened to me I just let it be cuz I know she’s just trying to help out. I look back and don’t know what I would’ve done without those little breaks. If it really bothers you then you should set the tone/rules. Don’t ask for him back, just say I’m gonna go change him or I’ll feed him. She’ll get the hint after a while.

I would say talk to her. Of course, she can hold him and cuddle etc but if she isn’t giving you time to calm him down, feed, soothe etc then tell her and be nice but firm about it. Explain that you really appreciate her help, but that you’re still the mum and don’t want him to be upset etc

Honestly first time mom or not that is your baby and if it makes you feel uncomfortable or bothers you SPEAK UP and talk to her,and be stern while doing so. When you are ready to take advantage of the breaks and so forth then I’m sure you will but while you are not it’s okay to feel the way you do and speak up about it. Grandparent or not you are that babies mother and ultimately you have the say and if they anyone else can’t respect that and you and your rules then they need to be put in their place and if that don’t work after the first time then they don’t need to be around period.

Girl take the help! Sit down have a glass a wine and laet that grandma do what grandmas do! There will be times all you want is someone to raje that baby. :wine_glass::baby_bottle:

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It sounds like she’s excited about her new grand baby. If it bothers you that much just say something. But just know there will probably be a time when you need her/want her to babysit.

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She’s giving you a break. Take it

Be grateful. She sees it as helping. My mother was around a lot. She would always say I got it. You rest.

Omg take those few moments to yourself and enjoy…sneak off with your husband for a few minutes…enjoy some alone time…

Nope. Say something now. Nobody should be ripping your child out of your arms or refusing to give them back. My mil try once to not give me my child back. I quickly just took him out of her arms & said mama’s here. I got you. She never did it again. Breaks are nice but only if your being respected. I don’t find her actions respectful in the way you describe them.

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If she is hurting you even emotionally or your child then talk to her. Otherwise all grandmothers can do this she is just being a grandma how she believes is best, but your asking for advice on Facebook talk is needed work it our in your head what you want to say it’s going to hurt you both but it has to be spoken about, good luck.

She is preventing your child from developing autonomy. Listen to your gut it’s speaking loud and clear. Tell her what the rules are, tell her you expect her to follow them, tell her what will happen if she doesn’t. Then follow through. You will regret it later if you don’t get control of the situation right now, believe me. Google the word autonomy and hand it to her to read. Her behavior is detrimental to your child’s future.

Let it be, sounds like she’s a adoring grandma!

Look at it like this. If it was your mom would it bother you. Personally it wouldn’t bother me because my mil was a great grandmother and now she has passed and did when my son was 5.

Shes a mom, her instinct is taking over. She will learn about boundaries. MILs arent perfect. Do you know her heart? Is her intention to control?

Ah she is jusy being a granny, when he needs feeding or changing just fo up in a sing song voice change time or feed time with a smile she’ll understand lol other than that enjoy the break!!

Definitely tell her off. I don’t care what her reasoning is, you get YOUR child when YOU want him. That’s a rule I’ve made very clear with my family. When I ask for my child, I don’t want to hear excuses. I want my child. Can’t respect that, you don’t GET my child. Period.

I think every mother in law is this way. Have hubby talk to her, if she continues I would say something. You need to set boundaries

If you have a relationship that you can talk to her, talk to her. If not I would talk to the baby’s dad and see if he might know a way to tell her to back off a little.

Unless she’s around a whole lot I’d probably let it be unless you feel some type of way about it. Just don’t wait until the last straw because you might say things you don’t mean. Or say something the wrong way.

maybe be feeding when the mil gets there, ask her to help (can u please bring me his diaper) and say you can hold him at this time. It is hard to step back when changing from a mom to grandmom.

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If it was your mum would you be annoyed?

Say something if it’s really bothering you if not just let it go x

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I let her she probably wants to bond with the baby wait till he gets older you will be glad for her to baby sit

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do not have her son deal with it, stand up for yourself… you are Mom. You are your own person. That whole “have hubby speak to her” is cementing the patriarchy bullshit. Be firm on how you want to parent and set your boundaries!!! Good luck and strength to you!

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If she’s a good person to you in general I’d let her when you visit. Use it for some relaxing time. (If she’s actually good with the baby of course)

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That’s why my in-laws don’t even see us :woman_shrugging:t4: if they can’t respect boundaries they can get to stepping

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Is she doing it to give you a break? Ask her why she is doing that. The baby needs a relationship with her too. When the baby fusses, ask if she wants help and if she says no, give it a few minutes. If baby doesn’t calm down then take him.

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She probably is trying to help and wants to get some “baby time” most in laws are trying to figure out how they can “fit in” unless she has given you reason to distrust her…throw her a bone and let her help. If she is verbally criticizing you that is different and I would visit with her about that.

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I can relate to that after my first was born who happened to be the family’s first grandchild. She’s probably just excited to be holding him and wants to be the one to comfort him when he’s crying but you need to set boundaries. If the baby is fussy or needs changed say OK looks like we need to go eat or get changed etc. It’s your child and therfore your rules. She may also think she’s helping you get a break. Either way you know what’s best for your baby.

I don’t know my own mother never rips the baby out of my hands my side of the family asks if they can take him but my mother-in-law is on top of me I hate that so much

U may be the same way when u become a grandma. She may just be running to your rescue to help you. I wish I was not so proud when I had my first born. Let her do everything she wants, just take advantage of it. She loves your baby. You have to realize that baby is also a extension of her. She birthed your husband and held him the same way. If she grabs him to aggressively then slow her down.

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First let me say ME ME I’m that in law!!! Not however for the reasons you may think…I did/do for one simple reason… to give mom and dad a break!!! Having a newborn is exhausted, however if you feel uncomfortable say something!!! This is your child

My opinion is speak up. Like one mentioned before, you a person, were not kids to have someone speak for us. Of course in a good respectful way:)

Kids are hard work enjoy the break relax have a coffee go toilet alone . When she is at yours take a shower do something you usually wouldn’t .
Don’t get madd make the most of it damn.

It’s also teaches child that there are more safe people that love them ,so it’s not just all about mummy all the time so when u do want to go out and need a sitter baby will feel safe

Honestly I feel like if it makes you uncomfortable you should say something as others have stated she may feel she is helping but if it stresses you out definitely let her know respectfully I know personally I would not like that especially when the baby is fussing and I know he/she needed me but I also agree with others if she is around a lot to set boundaries but if not I might be able to let it go

Don’t put up a wall where it doesn’t need to be, let her be and you’ll see it will all work out!

Um no, that crap does not fly in my house. You need to set that woman straight now or she will stomp on every boundary you try to set later on.
If someone took my baby and didn’t give him back I would lose my mind. You are the mom, and what you say goes.

Maybe she is just excited to see the baby just be honest with her and have a sit down with her and tell her how you feel. I can not wait to be a grandma I tell my kids I want them all the time

U need to speak up if you feel this is happening.

Throat punch her :woman_shrugging: your momma take your baby and tell her no.

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My MIL does the same thing. Eventually I had to just be confrontational and tell her to back off. They want to care for your child so bad they forget it’s not their role.

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Your child, set the boundary before she even walks in the door. Ask for respect and if it is given great, if not than she doesn’t need to be there…
Communicate exactly what your expectations are and then enforce your boundary :purple_heart::purple_heart:

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It’s not just in-laws that do it…my mother is the same way. Confront her or it’ll get worse… trust me.

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If it bothers you, talk to her. She sounds like she’s trying to help. She wants to care for him when he’s cranky. Better than those that only wanna take the babe when it’s happy.

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If you want your mother in law to be close with your child you let her be the grandma she needs to be to gain the trust of your baby. It’s out of love. If hes crying and she sooths him then he will gain her trust. Grandparents are important. Try to remember shes his grandma and will always be. They deserve a close relationship. I mean she did raise your child’s father , shes already been a mother. But if you dont like it voice your opinion.

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Tell her. Ugh. I hate that for you. It’s hard enough adjusting to a new baby and to add in a overbearing MIL… NOPE

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I was in the same situation. I put my foot down and our relationship totally changed but I don’t care. My child and I say what goes.

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Prob gonna get bashed for this , but maybe just maybe she is trying to give you a break from the very tiring mother role you do on the day to day. Loving them and hugs and feeding them you get to do all the time and when you visit them it’s kinda a time for them to bond with the babies as well. Not sure of whole story so don’t wanna say this is the definite but it’s one way to try and look at it. Instead of telling someone to throat punch another human being especially a mother in law how about try to help her with a solution. If you truly think she is trying to take your place , talk to her. You loved her son enough to marry her son so she obviously raised a loving caring son. She is prob a reasonable person.

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I dont know. I wouldnt have made it without my grandmother and whomever else was helping me it takes a village to raise a child. I can see if the other person is hurting your child then say something. But to not let a grandmother create a trust with the baby is crazy.

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Get a hold of that quick.I had one who i thought was helping but it ended up being destructive…she would change my daughters clothes into what she wanted her to wear,she would sneak school info out of her bookbag and try to attend on her own and it went on and on till we had to no longer let her keep our daughter(even though she thought she was helping)…so get the upper hand quickly…

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Brah. If someone tried to take my child out my hands I would not be going back over there or allowing her in my home. Point blank. No one is entitled to your child

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Sounds overbearing. I guess there is a fine line between helping and being too much. If it bothers you though, say something, your child.

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Definitely lay down boundaries. You decide when she holds the baby. When the baby starts crying she needs to give him back to you. You are the parent and she’s not :woman_facepalming:t3:

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Sounds like a regular grandma to me? I grew up really close to both set of grandparents and don’t see the problem? Damn she letting you take a break just enjoy the help

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Stop having her over and when she asks why, tell her. That tells her that she’s not welcome if she can’t listen to you. It’s your baby, not hers.

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