I feel like my SO is being sneaky behind my back but I am unsure: Advice?

I don’t know if it’s my anxiety or what, but I’ve noticed a personality change in my partner. At the beginning of our relationship, everything was great, well almost three years into it, I’ve noticed almost a lack of interest in me. At first, I blamed it on his depression. Thinking maybe he just has a lot on his plate. Well, lately, I’ve noticed he goes to bed at different times than me, I’ll catch him on his phone on Snapchat or Facebook messenger and then he backs out fast before I can see what he’s doing. I’ve caught him in the bathroom obviously doing stuff. I’ve noticed a lack of sexual interest, affection, etc. I don’t understand what’s going on, but I feel a gut feeling that somethings wrong. I’ve tried to go through his phone, but he never lets it leave his sight, and I don’t want to go through it with him there because it feels like I’m being pressured. That and I don’t want to accuse if he isn’t actually doing anything. What should I do? We have two children, both from past partners. He has a somewhat close relationship with his child’s mother. Is it me? It’s okay, to be honest!


He’s seeing/talking to someone else…

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Do you, find a therapist and let your spouse do him. If it falls apart, you’ll already know how to love yourself and ha for your own feelings. No amount of stress or questioning will stop anyone else from making their own choices.

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Talk to him. Not every dude is cheating. He may be having issues hes embarrassed to discuss. Go to therapy. I have seen men do worse things than this and still weren’t cheating. Talk to him before you say or do something you can’t take back. I know from experience


Firstly, don’t go through his phone. That’s not helpful. It does sound like he’s cheating but resorting to snooping also isn’t good. He may not be cheating. Just talk to him.

Always trust your gut


Yeah if you feel something weird is happening it probably is. I’m the kind of person I would pick up his phone and start going through it in front of him. :woman_shrugging:t3:

Maybe instead of trying to go through his phone, you should do the adult thing and have a conversation with him about what’s going on. You guys need counseling and to consider separating.

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Your gut is never wrong !

He’s talking to someone else

When this happened to me turned out my significant other had relapsed. 💁 not for nothing but maybe it isnt cheating. If its drugs theres always the option of trying to recover

I’d ask him. Be perfectly honest with him and tell him how you feel. That you are having these feelings then tell him you care enough about him to try to make a go of it, but if there is someone else then well there can’t be three in a relationship. It may hurt if there is but better to find out now than to let it eat at you and fester up. It’s like taking off a band aid. RIP that sucker off fast ! He may not be aware hes making you feel that way.

I’d tell him everything you just told us! Get the kiddos down tonight; sit and talk! Communication is key. But 9 times out of 10 if your gut is saying somethings wrong it’s normally right!


I’d definitely be talking to him. Sounds like a possible porn addiction but this is just my guess.

Hes hiding something


Be sure you want to know the truth before you go looking. Always have a back up plan in action protecting you and your child! After 3 years and children he should gladly hand you his phone in my opinion, either way I’ve been where your at. It’s such a terrible feeling and the worst part is not knowing and beating yourself up. Straiten that crown bite the bullet and set him down for a chat. If you feel the way you do its typically for a reason.


If you feel like you need to go through his phone…it is tie to blaze a trail.

Trust your gut!! He’s definitely talking if not more with someone else. Talk to him but be prepared for him to be unpleasant and be prepared to put YOU first (and the kiddos). Staying in an unhappy relationship is so unhealthy for all of you. So sorry your dealing with this situation :disappointed: I’ve been there myself and it was really hard :sleepy: for awhile but then I got better and stronger. Best wishes for you :heartpulse:

He should have no problem letting you go through his phone if he’s not doing anything. You’ve caught him on messaging apps and being secretive. You need to decide whether you’re going to deal with it or move on. Damage is done at this point.


There are many red flags. If you confront him and he denies then he will start locking things up. However if you are in the same phone plan you should be able to see text numbers and phone calls.

Gut is never wrong

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Trust your intuition hun, I see a few red flags & the fact that you’ve posted should speak volumes, hope you get your answers & wish you the very best

Go with your gut!! Wait until he’s asleep and check his phone!


I agree with some of the others, you have to trust your gut. Be happy you weren’t with him much longer than 3 years.

Chances are if you think he is doing something behind your back he likely is

Have you tried talking to him about it? Explain how it is making you feel and tell him if he isn’t interested in you anymore than man up and admit it.

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I had the same experience and my gut was right. My husband started a fling with an Instagram skank. She used him for $ and he used her for sex. Trust your gut and hold your ground.

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Gut instincts and all that

Always trust your gut! The sneaking in the bathroom and hiding the phone behaviors are big red flags. Take it from someone who went through the same exact scenarios… I was only able to check his phone if he passed out with it unlocked playing a game. But even then I felt bad sneaking around to look into it. But trust me- it was never good when I looked. :roll_eyes:


Trust your gut. I didn’t and it bit me in the ass!!

Been there… trust your gut!

My husband and I use each other’s phones all the time my Facebook and everything is also on his not for trust reasons just cause I broke my phone awhile back and. He let me use his I just never removed anything but trust is key in a relationship and if I asked my husband to look at his phone he would hand it to me without even looking at it first same with me

It sounds like the relationship is fizzling out. I wouldn’t be surprised if he is cheating or toying with the idea of cheating. If he isn’t receptive to talking I may think about moving on.

Go with your gut and have a talk with him

I always listen to I my gut instinct. I’m not right 100% of the time, but I’d definitely have a talk with him.

So many red flags in this post. He’s cheating. Catch him off guard and look threw his phone,you’ll find all the proof you need then kick him to the curb since he obviously lost interest in you.

Talk to him and read his behavior and how he talks to you. If your still unsure ask him to see his phone. See how reacts. Make up something where you have to use it and then pounce on the opportunity to snoop. :shushing_face:

Huge red flags. If the sex has slowed down or stopped. If he keeps his phone on his person all the time. He’s cheating.

Have you gently asked him why the change? Put it on yourself ask if he thinks you’ve changed. Communication is the secret to a successful relationship. Many times we get in ruts or daily routines and think thats what the other person likes or wants. Conversations are the only way to get things back on track.


Trust your gut. Talk to him. He’s not acting likes he’s in a relationship with you anymore.
I had to have a talk/yell at my husband before. I know he wasn’t cheating physically, but emotionally he was. I told him, either we are married or we are not. Either you want me or not. We are talking or I’m assuming it’s over. I’m willing to put the time in, are you?

That was 6 years ago. Best thing I could have done. We both had gone stale in our relationship. We came back from the ledge.

Communicate with him. If he won’t, there’s nothing else to do. Breakups suck, but it’s better than being with someone who doesn’t love or want you.

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Talk to him. And search his phone? Seriously? Are you his parent and need to monitor his phone usage? If you think you do, please include that in your talk as well.

ALWAYS trust your instincts. A woman knows. Always check the phone records. You’ll be able to find that one number that is texted to and called to the most.


It could be so many things one yes is cheating but also 3 years together it could be a dry spell as well but deffinatly talk with him see if has intrest in going on a date or something! just make sure you talk try to being it up communicating is the biggest thing but be open to having any answer good or bad

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I’d listen to your gut feeling. Talk to him ASAP for your own peace of mind one way or another


I’d say talk to him about it but these are definitely signs that something is going on…wishing you the best.

Trust your gut. Most women know that their partners are cheating. Even if he’s not cheating he’s not in the relationship with you.

God always shows us the truth… trust the signs…

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You gave your own advice… be honest! Talk to him.

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Your gut usually is right look out for u

Snatch phone unexpectedly and run. If he tries to get it back he’s cheating


Cheating… kick him to the curb!

Talk to him. And search his phone? Seriously? Are you his parent and need to monitor his phone usage? If you think you do, please include that in your talk as well.

Simply ask to see his phone. See how he reacts. After 3 years you should be able to pick up his phone anytime you want and you should know his password without asking.

A woman’s intuition is a good indicator…u deserve to know , & he should just be honest with you , no body deserves unhappiness…u or him!!

I recently went through the same thing. I waited till he was asleep and grabbed his phone. Your heart and mind are on the line, you got every right to defend yourself.

I think you already know what the answer is. Good luck momma

Sounds mine you already know what he’s doing but maybe don’t want to admit it. He’s clearly up to something and if he wasn’t he wouldn’t be doing anything in secret. Just grab his phone and go through it if that makes you feel better. You might not like what you find out, but it’s better to know than not🤷🏽‍♀️ I’d ask him the second I caught him acting sketchy. I would ask them find out for myself and go from there💁🏽‍♀️

Always follow your gut

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You need to learn to communicate with your son other half. Talk openly and honestly with him and both need to be open and listen to each other. Don’t be so quick to leave that is what is wrong with this generation. Instead of talking and working together I want to go and leave right away

Girl if you love him SHOW HIM before it escalates… maybe you got relaxed and comfortable. Maybe date nights. Maybe smack his ass or catch a feel.

If he still is behaving weird its time to sit and have the talk

All these comments are on the money. Hes definitely up to something. Leave before it gets worse kids dont want to live in a unhappy home think of them.

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YOU need to sit down with him and ask him these questions.

Ask him. Tell him. He’ll either be honest or he’ll lie. You can then make a decision, or deal with the consequences, either way.

It could be hes cheating…or…he could be looking at porn and during those…hes obviously doing something in the bathroom trips…hes slapping the monkey in the balls…in any event…you need to go your own way anyway…due to absolutely zero trust on your part…

talk to him and gry answers