If you guys are close I wouldnât worry about it too much. If heâs old enough I would have a conversation with him telling youâre grateful that itâs getting easier with his dad, youâre happy that heâs happy. I would ask him what he wants to do⌠if he even wants to do extracurricular things. If he doesnât want too, that might cause some resentment. If he does do extracurricular activities, maybe you can set up a more set schedule for his dad.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like my son will start to resent me - Mamas Uncut
My dad tried this just tell the courts you want full custody he wasnât there for 6 years that right there is abandonment of a child
Iâm worried for the same thing. The other is called the âDisneylandâ parent, and how do I compete with that? Definitely following!
Iâm having the same issue, following
I would simply point out to the judge that your son shouldnât miss out on things because his dad finally decided he wanted to be involved. That your son should have every opportunity available to him and dad should suck it up and realize he messed up by missing out and this is 1 of the consequences. You donât get to pick and choose when you parent your kid and you donât get to hold your kid back for selfish reasons.
You continue to be the strong parent that you are. You are that childs mother. Children know whoâs really for them.
Temporary court orderâŚask for a guardian ad litem to weigh in. Extra curricular activities are important. Heâs too far away for joint placement. You will win
Following, Having very similar issues with my 8yo daughters father
Sports are important for kids especially boys. There is heaps of evidence to support this. Take him to court for child abandonment.
Enroll him, and just tell whoever you sign up for the activities they you share custody and he may miss those weekends. Honestly most people know how it is now and I donât see a court blocking it so the child canât join. And there are plenty Iâm sure wonât interfere. My boys do MMA 5 days a week in afternoons. Iâm sure he will appreciate being in something social and making friends and wonât resent you for it. I imagine he would resent dad If dad kept him away. Most kids end up falling in love with their activities and friends.
I would get an attorney and come let them fight it out honestly. Itâs expensive but worth it
He has already abandoned your child once⌠file for sole custody. I got sole custody with visits as agreed upon with my ex because he abandoned us before our son was even born. Then came back threatening to take him like he was some kind of hero. Judge said no way. I was granted sole custody and my ex can only see him when I agree to it. He hasnt even tried though and it has been YEARS!
A judge will tell him to suck it up as children need the extra, do what you must for your son. Nothing revolves around the dad! Like you said he just started coming around.
I would file for a custody agreement for him to have him during school breaks.
You donât get to disappear for 6 years and then come in and try to start calling shots. Stand your ground.
ask the courts to speak to your son and let him say what he wants. he may be 8 but it is his life.
Having the same issue with my childrenâs father. I have a 13 yr old and 2 n a half yr old with this man and he is trying to not enforce extracurricular activities as well. He thinks because he is in Tennessee and Iâm in Florida that he can do what he wants. Well I have custody right now and we are in a custody fight for our children. When he left for 8 yrs of our 13 yr olds life and then left when our 2 n half yr old was 6 months old. Please tell me how thatâs ok
Itâs tough for the parents that actually have to parent. I call it âfantasy landâ, because my son will go to his dads and stay up all night playing video games, eat pizza in bed, doesnât shower etc, then he comes home and its not like that. I stay true with our normal routine, and let him have his glory. Our kids need a balance of structure when itâs like that, hang tight mama, you got this. He wonât hate you, I promise. Kids know who their home team is.
Is he the one that wants the extracurricular? Or are you ?
If itâs him; Iâd tell dad to get over it. If youâre the one who wants it, you need to figure out something else
You need to dig in your heels on making sure you keep the full physical custody. You need to ensure you hold the decision making on ALL matters. This piece will serve your child better in all matters. His dad hasnât been a parent by his choice.
Place your child in those extra-curricular activities NOW and build those interests.
Yes, he will miss every other weekend of those activities, but your child will know that you are doing everything you possibly can as a parent to give him the opportunity for those activities. As a child of a similar situation, I knew why I was missing the activities that I loved (except we were only 20 mins away and he still refused to take me). When I was 13 I put a stop to the every other weekend visits (for several reasons) and he didnât fight it. In your case, he may but at that point a judge will listen to the childâs desires.
Could his dad not enroll him in an extracurricular near him so he still has them and it doesnât interfere with dads time?
Maybe let his dad put him in extracurricular active and be responsible for getting him to practice and Games
If itâs a possibility do something outside of the school like taekwondo, my daughter loves it and it teaches many great things sheâs allowed to go anywhere from 1 to 3 times a week. They have tournaments once every few months and those are optional.
So maybe if you join him up for a local place he can still have activities with out it being 5 days a week plus weekend events.
With him being 6 hours away, how often does he have your son? If itâs a small amount or short amount of time, sign him up and let the coaches know that he is going to miss days xyz.
If he sees him for school breaks most schools at least in our area donât do sports over holiday until they get to high school. If itâs summer sports, depending on time with the man, it shouldnât interfere, most coaches are pretty understanding about that.
Donât worry too much. I think all kids go through phases where they think they want to live w the parent they dont. But that doesnât change the love they have for their momma. You are loving him and taking care of him,he knows.they know where they feel safe.just enjoy that little boy.it goes by sooo fast!
I can tell you from experience that he will resent his father more then you. Cause he will know that he wants to join something and dad wonât take him or show up. My kids were involved in things and their father was like that. Would not take them, demanded they leave early, told me that I wasnât allowed to enroll them unless he approved. This year he lost all custody of his kids from the judge. My oldest just completed her first year of soccer and the smiles on her face made it so worth it. She has joined other things now that she knows she can attend and mom will take her and be her biggest supporter.
He would only be going to his dads every other weekend or every weekend since you live too far for week in week off, Iâd plan his sports around during the week, I had the same issue with my daughters dad, he lives 3 hours away and will not drive here in his weekends for her sports so I looked for the same sport but that was during the week so she was able to have her sports and still see dad.
You keep on loving him, doing everything youâre supposed to do as his momma. Just keep the lines of communication open, have positive sit down talks with him. Tell him every chance you get that you love him. Thatâs all you can do. The teen years will be so very difficult, but in the end he will be your best friend.
Give him more creditâŚI have always seen where as children grow they catch on to who cares and has been there!!!
If ur in a custody battle then u should know the judge orders both parents to take them to extracurricular activities and split the cost. U also can not in roll him for the days only dad has him. Being a single mom of 2 boys my ex never once took him to a dr apt, test, surgery or anything . But he sure did show up to games I put him in. Took him if needed.
- Stop staying that. âHeâll choose his dadâ So what? Thatâs still has dad. He needs him too. If he decides to live with dad, itâs not about you. You need a life outside of being Mom bc if you donât, youâll end up breaking when he leaves.
That said, compromise. Judges like that. Find a new activity or sit down with a calendar & work out new visits. I had my sonâs summer with split visits bc of Boy Scouts. Camp was July 4th week & it was required for badges. We found a work around.
Keep in mind, he may set this up & stop in a year or 2.
Meet with your lawyer & discuss what the estate generally requires for parenting plans. Also, look into counseling for your son.
Most states, when the child is 12, they decide if they go. So, you have to make it work until then.
Let your son be involved in the decision making process.
After 4 months of not communicating with you or your son that is considered abandonment. He should have lost all rights to your child. He doesnât get to come back and start calling shots. Iâd talk to an attorney. Stand your ground
Since he lives to far, Iam assuming he will only get like every other weekend, most coaches and places will work with parents on this and understand the child will be there one weekend and off one weekend. It will become a routine.
Shame on his dad for trying to take experiences away from him because he decided to pop back up.
He hasnât had anything to do with your son for 6 years & got visitation? My ex was out of my kids lives for 4 years. He was given supervised phone visitation, an half hour a week to form a connection. Iâm surprised a judge forced your son to go 6 hrs away from his home to visit with a stranger. You need to get a good lawyer. A counselor to help him process all this might be helpful too. As for custody I donât believe heâll get joint custody. You live too far from each other. Itâs not feasible to make him go back & fourth weekly. Thatâll mess up his school, other relationships, sense of security etc. BUT I wouldnât think a judge would force him to visit with his father he didnât know so far away either. A lawyer is going to best way to protect your son.
Why not talk to the coach or the leader of the extra activity and ask them how to handle when your child will be absent? I know you may not want to have to discuss your personal situation but if the coach knows this part of your sonâs life the coach will better be able to help you. You surely are not the first single parent for the coach, so he will be understanding. Once your son is older and on a team he will be obligated to show up for practices and events but by then hopefully you and your ex will have worked things out and your son will be in a better position to express his desires. No matter what, you and your ex will have to put your disagreements aside and give your son the chance to have a peaceful and happy life. It wonât always be easy. May God bless you and your son.
Extra curricular activities are important for children. He ignored him for 6 years. No judge will like that. My BIL tried that and the judge said if he canât get him there to his activities then he didnât have to go
I would have fought to not to allow visitation! You canât NOT see a child for 6 yrs then just come back! Itâs called abandonment!!! My EX will NEVER have vistitation because thereâs been NO contact in almost 2 yrs!
You have the right to enroll your child in ANYTHING you want! If he wants to play sports then let him. Usually when the distance is that far is only 1 weekend a month and split holidays and a month during the summer. So he should be able to play sports or do what he wants
I donât think he will resent you. In the end if he wants to participate in extracurricular activities then he will resent his dad for keeping him from them.
Your son will be a child ONCE âŚ
Let him chose which activities HE wants to be in ⌠and as tempted as you may be, do not without him from his Dad any more than necessary -
Dad chose to move ⌠donât let him guilt you in to the lack of time he has with his son.
Go for Joint Custody and let Dad figure it out âŚ
You canât enroll him taking time away from the father. That is BS and you know it. There are other activities and other times. Thatâs his dad and he has just as much right to him as you do. So what you 2 had a bad past. That has nothing to do with your sonâs future. Itâs about the child, not about you. Stop being selfish, work with the other parent, and think about your sonâs needs and not your wants.
So he has a mom that is doing the right thing in teaching normal every day traits and you have a âholidayâ dad. The things you are âforcingâ him to do are normal and Iâm sure he has to have appropriate hygiene with his dad too. If the choice between seeing his dad and doing a activity comes up let him make that choice. You canât force him to like something. If his Dad is now good to him and taking proper care of him when he is with him that is what matters. You canât hold on to the past itâs gone. If your son does decide to live with his dad eventually and he is a good dad whatâs the problem. The kid deserves to have a dad and it would be wrong of you not to let him. If you co-parent this child without animosity from the past everyone will be happy. Donât be selfish and only think of yourself because that really will backfire on you. Kids need and want both parents if at all possible and neither has the right to deny them that as long as it is safe, appropriate and nurturing for them.
One parent is looking at the future the other is only looking at the here and now , whatâs more important? Iâd say thatâs a tough one tho
Coming from the parents that live 3 hours away, we are very supportive of sports etc. We informed the coaches during our parenting time our child may not always be there due to the distance and only spending a couple days with our child. The coaches completely understand where we are coming from. We never missed any games.
One day he will realize who was really there to take care of him
My son hated me brushing his teeth
I always say he will forgive me one day when he has beautiful teeth
If the kid wants to do the activities then he needs to go and support him or accept the loss during the seasons. Its not mom vs dad its all about the kid and if you cant do that then adios !
Watch it man donât get all these woman started You got a
Guilty Conscience
My husbands ex was told that any appt or activities scheduled on his time, mom was responsible for ALL transportation to and from. If itâs something your son wants to do, then the 3 of you need to discuss it. If itâs only something YOU want him to do, you need to let it go.
Have his dad put him in something close to his house
I heard these kind of Dads called âDisney Dadsâ
If you SON wants to do extracurricular activities you should continue pushing for them but if YOU want him to than it should only be during YOUR time or better yet donât force you child to do them at all
If these are activities your Son wants to do he is old enough to voice that to his Dad in a conversation between the 3 of you. Is there not something close to his Dad he could do if it is on his time? I wouldnât expect my Daughter to have a total of 12 hours travel time for an activity myself, never mind her Dad. That is a lot. I really do sympathise with the âparentingâ aspect. My Daughter comes back from her Dadâs with unbrushed hair, needing her teeth cleaned and needing a bath. I do appointments too as he always has an excuse, and homework. He never does that side and it seems to have made me and my Husband the âboringâ household but they are things that need to be done as a parent. Good Luck with everything xx
If your son hates you is because you are doing your job. Stop feeling sorry for raising your child. He is your son, not your friend. Children going to resend their parents one way or the other but donât feel guilty. I have three daughters and I remembered them days when they told me that they hated me and now they missed me because they all grown and living their âadultâ life now and they regretted. So do your job mom and take care of yourself first. Do your best you can because he will leave the nest someday.
If youâre doing everything you can for your child with his needs and wants at the forefront he shouldnât come to resent you. I have always listened to my youngest sonâs needs and wants and thatâs what I support him in. He doesnât always want to go with my ex and he will tell my ex he doesnât want to go. I let him know whatever ge decides I will support. If the relationship and bond is there between the kid and the NCP it wonât take work for them to want to be with them. But in my youngest son case itâs not there and I spent 5yrs trying to make it happen just to be told I will never be able to make it happen I can only support him through his choices needs and wants. Like right now my son doesnât want to have Skype calls with my ex when he misses a visitation for whatever reason I make him available at the scheduled time but then never force it. My ex gets mad because my son Willingly calls me and comes home with ZERO fight and he has called me and then told me he wants to come instead of being there. I encourage my son to stand up for his wants and needs as this is his life and time not mine nor my exs. I have not regret and also have zero fear that my son will resent me. I will always support his wants and needs as he sees fit even if that means going to live with my ex if that where to happen. Iâll deliver him myself.
Donât make plan during Dadâs time. Thatâs pretty easy to do. Make plan when it is your time not his.