I am really struggling. The guy I am marrying was with his ex for 11 years, married for 8, and she had two kids from a previous relationship. Those kids see him as a father figure because he was around for so long. They are 16 and 18 years old, both female. I have tried so many times to build a relationship, but it’s not working due to their mom being someone that doesn’t approve of mine and his relationship. The girls will constantly belittle me, use him for their own benefit, and ever since he and their mom divorced, they have become VERY touchy-feely with him; other people also notice how inappropriate it is. He says that it’s nothing due to the fact they are his kids. I love this man more than anyone I have ever loved, but I feel like his girls are trying to tear us apart, and I don’t know what to do.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum! I feel like my soon to be husbands step kids are trying to tear us apart: Advice? - Mamas Uncut
They may be trying to test you. Stay strong.
If you really love him over look it. They are kids, older kids but still kids. Eventually he will have enough or they will get tired of it.
U have a serious battle coz of those grown ups kids … It’s y I wud rather keep a step child wen his jst 5 en below not above 10 yrs
Kill em with kindness.
Water off a ducks back
It’s so tuff in this situation. To them you are taking him away.
Good luck. That’s hard. Maybe just explain to him how inappropriate it is. Oh btw if they haven’t already, maybe therapy may help them…
Ignore them they are adults acting like selfish kids
Tread lightly, their age does not define their maturity. They are still kids, sometimes respect is earned and it may take awhile being the age they are. Just give it time, and patience.
If you can’t handle it then you shouldn’t be with him. It is not going to change
You have to remember who the adult is and who are the children. I have 3 step kids and they did everything possible to split my husband and I up before we even got married. Be an adult and stand your ground. Talk to your husband let him know exactly how you feel. Remember your the adult dont bring yourself down to their level . They are hurting and trying to deal with it too.
Weigh out the pros and cons. Family is very important to me and I felt like I was not accepted appropriately, or if my partner did not put their foot down with their own family, I would leave. But that’s just me. It’s all about respect. If respect is not mutual, it never works out.
Look at them as Children and not rivals. I think you need to be the bigger person here, for your own sanity. He comes to you as a package…and so you cannot wish away his children - step or not.
I have a friend who married into this kind of scenario. The more she spoke up about her discomfort regarding the kids’ behavior the more her husband started resenting her. He became very abusing and she became an alcoholic. Get out now before your life is completely ruined.
I’m kinda in a similar situation. Stand ur ground. Them kids ain’t gona change!
The best thing to do in this scenario, is recognize it for what it is and keep moving forward. Dont dwell on it. Ignore it, if you have to. Eventually, they will stop because it doesn’t get them his attention or they will find something else to occupy themselves with, usually with maturity and life and prioritiesstart to shift as they grow into actual adulthood. They’re young and immature, now. But you have no way of knowing if this will stay like this, most likely it won’t. Eventually, it won’t be worth the effort they are putting in and get old. In 5 years, this probably won’t be an issue anymore. If you love him, there’s nothing wrong with being the bad guy and drawing boundaries for him and both of them. Tell them what you think, all three of them, and leave it be. They need to fix it. This isn’t a you problem. IT’S THEM.
They are probably being very territorial. I am not sure how long you both have been together - but I imagine maybe not too long? It could be a reaction to their 1) parents split up, and 2) the fact that they won’t see him near enough as they used to and now they have to share his time/ his affection/ etc. with you also in the picture.
I know it isn’t fair to you. At all. But just try to see it from their side. He has probably been a very stable figure in their young lives and now their lives have been rocked by this divorce.
Talk to him and tell him how you feel. If he explains it away or says you’re wrong, maybe he isn’t worth your time. You should be first and your feelings respected. Love is too short to be miserable.
Just ignore them. You can’t let others dictate your happiness
They are nearly grown. I’d sit down with your fiancé & them & just tell them “You’re young women & obviously have your minds made up not to want to at least be friends & that’s sad for me especially for your dads sake. But if you truly love & respect your father you’ll respect our relationship.
Honey you need to move on because it will not change, you will always be in a battle with these kids.
Eww if they are doing all that, I would run for the hills. That’s just sick.
Needs to be addressed to both your husband and their mom. Don’t involve the kids directly because that will just cause more problems with you. Address the issue and allow their parents to handle the course of action to take from there
“Very touchy feely with him,?” They ARE his kids no matter biological or not. But that one sentence lets me know that you don’t consider them his kids. He will choose them over you, unless you change your thinking. 
You can either let that shit get to you or stand your ground! Which one you want?
They are 16 and 18… they know exactly what they are doing… ignore every bit of it. They definitely want to get under your skin and its working!
My daughter is 15 and hates. My boyfriend. Don’t take it personal teenagers are just assholes.
You need to have a long talk with him
Coming from a child who has a step mother. It’s not easy on the kids. Try doing something they want. Ask them to pick out what they want for dinner. But also sit down with them and the husband and explain that your not there to take over their mother role. Your there cuz you love their father. And you want to be their friends.
You can’t do anything but keep being yourself. Don’t let them control your happiness. Time will pass and they will have to come to tye realization you aren’t going anywhere so don’t worry about them so much just do you.
Have a family sit down and remind who’s is an adult and who the kids are. Set boundaries and have him voice up on the girls when needed. He needs to spend alone time with them. If you can build a bond build a friendship though your husband . Just be nice and fall back .there’s nothing wrong with not doing anything than doing too much. Maybe the far of the girls will go down some. Have you reminded them that you’re not here to take him away but to love him too.
Tell them to back off you love their dads and he loves you and you are not going anywhere no matter what they pull. If he really loves you he would say something himself.
Ooo girl, I’d say have a serious conversation about how you feel w all of them & if nothing changes… go.
My family is very touchy and lovey. I kiss both parents on the mouth, we sit close on the couch. I would tread lightly telling him that the way him and his kids interact is inappropriate. They are both still kids and honestly you need to move past this. I’m honestly questioning your jealousy of them.
Sorry. They’re adults. If they don’t know how to behave in an appropriate manner they need telling. If Dad won’t tell them id be out when they came round.
Stop trying to force a relationship with them. They don’t have to like you. They don’t have to want a relationship with you. The only thing that needs to be done, is dad needs to talk with them and get them to stop belittling you. But even then. They are grown and it probably won’t change. Just ignore it. They are trying to get under you skin, if you keep letting it affect you, they won’t stop because they know they are winning.
Don’t marry him.
That’s extremely awkward he’s allowing that behavior.
If you really want to be with this guy wait 2 years. They will have boyfriends of their own by then and will be too busy with their own relationships to meddle in yours. If 2 years is too long, move on.
I would sit them all down and talk
Stop trying. Their “dad” needs to tell them to cut it out, and be specific with him about everything mentioned here
I’m getting creepy vibes from this. If I understand correctly, they are not his biological children, right? Idk just doesn’t feel right to me.
My husband’s ex wife has her kids trying to do the same thing with us and we’re married 10 yrs. Draw. Your. Boundaries and stand on them. Your husband shouldn’t let anything or anyone come between you guys.
I am with a guy that has more to do with his step kids than his own child. They are grown but still. The step grandkid always gets birthday presents etc the actual grandkid no. Have asked many times same answer well their mom passed away. Well yes they have a biological dad too.
This touchy feely weirdness didn’t just start. The entire family dynamic is off and I would run as fast as I can. I wouldn’t want kids with him, nor would I expose my kids to him. He is part of the dysfunctional in his previous family
My husband has a daughter like this. Her mother made sure to ruin her view of him enough that she no longer talks to him. It hurt him, but is ultimately for the best because he didn’t need the added toxicity, since he does have a bio daughter with the woman.
I was in that place, but those girls are older and may be trying to cause trouble on behalf of there mother. My step children were a little ruff at the time but after fifty years there my own. I wish you well, but talk to him, if he doesn’t see your side well I’m not sure what you should do, also maybe have a family talk, good luck
I married a man with two kids (a girl and a boy) from a previous marriage. From the beginning of our relationship, I could see things were “off” in how his daughter interacted with him. Even though she was 9 to 10 years old (which is old enough to know better in my book), she took great delight in sneaking in to see him naked. She would brag about waiting just long enough that she knew he would have removed his pants and then barging into his bedroom. She would lay a pillow across his lap and then slip her hand under it. He actually slapped her hand one time because she started squeezing his penis. (I’m not kidding.) The first time she saw us kiss, she stormed out of the room, screaming at him, “You told me you don’t kiss her!” Once she reached college and began having more serious relationships of her own, she decided to toss me out of the family. She did not want me near, so I was banished from events where she (the princess) would be present. My husband obeyed her wishes and moved out of my house. My advice to you? Run as fast as you can.
I think you need to straight up just communicate with them. “Is there a reason you are rude to me” “have I done something to you” “is there something going on that I need to know about” “I have no intentions of going anywhere and I’d sure love to get to know you on good terms, what do we have to do to make this happen”. People are so odd about just speaking out and being honest or upfront, it’s usually the easiest and quickest solution to other humans. Good luck though, hope all works out
This is why i will not date a man with kids cause in the end it effects all
I can tell you right now, he will choose his children before you. My 16 year old daughter did the same thing 23 years ago, to my ex husband, They were married 3 months before they separated…… my children tried to break up myself and my husband of 23 years. We are still together. I can say from experience, choose your battles you can win.
Most children react this way, they want their parents together
Has anyone noticed that they are NOT biologically his kids, so if there is some touchy feely stuff going on and he is saying “oh it’s normal bc they are my kids” I think that’s weird as hell too! They shouldn’t be touching him and he shouldn’t condone it. If he dont see something is wrong with that picture then they probably have something weird going on. Just my opinion.
I’ve been married to my husband for 11 years, together 13 years, and his kids and his ex are trying so hard to tear us apart! One of his kids, ive helped raise since he was in diapers! The other was in 6th grade when we got together, she “pretended” to be close to me until a few months ago, and now they have all teamed up together to try and tear us apart and its crushing my heart and soul!! I LOVE those kids and have raised them and loved them as I have my own 2 boys!! I understand how you feel. I am totally destroyed and so depressed right now. I can’t stand it anymore!! I’ve done NOTHING to them, except love them unconditionally!! Im so sorry you’re goimg through this too! Idk why these kids do this!!!
He needs to talk to them and tell them to respect you. And let them know that things aren’t going to change in their relationship they might just be scared that he will cut them off. IDK what that touchy feely crap is about
What do you mean touchy feely
You are in a lose lose situation unless he lays down boundaries with them…and that is doubtful. You will have to deal with being miserable…or walk away.
Listen to your gut! That dont sound right at all, I would have to rethink being there!
I feel like there is some stuff missing in the story? Why does the mom not approve of the relationship? If it was an affair than for sure the girls are probably mad and trying to tear your relationship apart
With girl children it only gets worse. Save yourself the trouble now
What do you mean touchy feely? Cause like hugs and cheek/forehead kisses hand holding are normal for parents and kids wether bio or not. Need a little clarification cause it could be normal. Now if it’s like…overly intimate like a couple then yea I can see how that’s not appropriate and I’d get the hell outa dodge
Please explain touchy Feely.
I’d say sit down w your husband alone and really discuss your concerns. If he doesn’t see an issue or allows them to continue interfering, suggest a therapist. If he refuses, I think you already know that the marriage won’t work. You can only do so much without him putting in effort, too. These girls aren’t children- they need to understand the magnitude of their actions. As does he. Good luck to you.
What is this touchy feely thing you mean . Kinda weird . And I’m sorry have no advice at all . When it comes to kids . They come first . He’s obviously showing you his choice . The kids . So either get tough skin and deal with it . And just chose to not fight against. It let it go . Cause when it comes to children you won’t win . It just will get worse if you get involved.
The 18yo would get a major b*tch slap. The 16yo would get a “slapping your sister is your warning”
If not I’d up and leave. Especially seeing as he doesnt see anything inappropriate going on. Others noticed, but not him
We can’t change the relationships others have built on. If you are uncomfortable with your partner’s relationships he has history of, take yourself out of the equation. It saves everyone the trouble.
Are we talking possible incest? Girl leave.
You love the man, you love the kids. Sometimes you have to work a bit harder then expected
Let them grow up and be gone
Those are NOT his kids. The touchy feely stuff is weird. If he doesn’t distance himself from them, you need to run.
My step dad amd my mom split when i was a teenager my step dad is my daddy been my dad since i was four and hes the papaw to my kids. Blood doesnt mean anything and honestly you sound jealous of his kids! His daughters are touchy feely? Bullshit u just dont get the fact that even though those kids are his ex wifes they are still his kids and you need to drop this before he drops you like any good DAD would
All of you saying those aren’t his kids. Yes the fuck they are. Hes been around since they were 5 and 7. The fuck.
Step away. Keep ur distance from him. Let him make the first move. If he really does love you, his actions will show it. And if he doesn’t, better to know before getting married.
These young girls only model the behavior of their environment- apparently they watched their mother manipulate their father - hence their behavior- belittling you is their lack of confidence- sweetie as long as you and your soon to be husband keep communication open - and be the Adults in the situation- they don’t dictate “your” relationship only theirs.
I think I would just cut bait
You need to sit down and speak to him and make your feelings clear… If he thinks its no big deal video record it out in public… Let him actually see it… And the reactions of others… If he still dont see an issue with anything you speak to him about and your feelings on it… BEFORE yall take that leap into marriage. I would put the wedding on hold . He never will and this will be a constant fight…
Being a teenager once I broke up tons of my dads relationships because I didnt like the women… They wont stop dont get married until they are both 18 and out of the house in College
Sounds like an affair, something about this story is not right
There’s so much missing to this story to truly give any kind of decent advice about the situation.
Hold off on marriage…
My dad and Stepmother just got married in March of this year. I’m 23 and my sister is 20. He was married to my mom for 7, divorced for 15. Ive never understood “he’s my dad and youre taking him away” all I’ve wanted my entire childhood is for my dad to be happy. I hate “kids” like this lol. I dont really care what anyone says they know what they’re doing. I’d talk to him. You’re his fiance? About to be his wife? You matter just as much as they do.
Why do you need people on the internet to tell you to leave that mess
All you can do is express that it makes you uncomfortable and what your feelings are and if he blows you off he may not be the man for you
Back away. Those are technically his step kids if he’s still choosing to have contact. If he can’t stand up for you against his steps kids he’s not worth it.
Hold your head up and NEVER let them see you sweat
Sounds like those stepdaughters are taking the story of Lot and his incestuous daughters a bit too seriously. GTFO and find someone that doesn’t make you feel like shit and isn’t so cringe.
It’s a great day to #dumphim
Piss all over him and around him until they recognize your scent and accept you as being his new bi$#
Loving a man tooooo much is a handicap that will destroy you eventually.Those young little ladies are instigated by Mummy.Where is their biological father?They are achieving their goal.And may I say it your man has a heart of gold and takes everything like mother Teresa’s son…
Step back my dear.Tell him exactly how you feel and your present situation.The 2 little ladies and their Mums manipulations.Their “touching” trying to jealous you.If your boyfriend does not understand your situation and continues to carry on pleasing his ex and her two offspring from another man then you have to seek greener partures.
Keep your emotions in tow.
Loving tooo much ussually backfires in your face.
All the best…⚘⚘⚘
I couldn’t get past the sexualizing of the relationships with his daughters. Father figures are just as much as a father as an actual bio dad.
They. R. Don’t. Let. Them. Every time they try concentrated. On. Something. Don’t. Let. Them. See. It’s. Bothering. U
Maybe just try and trust your mans love for you.
You clearly are his choice.
Help him and yourself by just weathering the storm with these young girls.
Patience and understanding of their poir behaviour will show them … In the end ! Strength and that bad behaviour, and hurtfulness doesn’t win.
Tell your partner that you are trying and your going through this with him not against him or them.
But you also need recognition and support as the hurt makes you want to jack it all in and run for the hills x
Don’t be around them ever. Be at work. At a friends. At the beach. Let them have their visits alone. Hell have a headache. You don’t need that energy around you. Begore you know it they will be too busy with college or marriage and they will stop competing with you.
I would talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Be open.
Wat are they doing? touchy feely very strange that is depending on what u mean by that
If all that is true and not provoked, why are you even asking? If it’s truly that way, I’d be gone so fast his head would spin! I’d love to know their side of the story.
Sounds like your jealous of them. Your touchy -feely comment shows that. You should beable to separate the difference clearly your not. Dont matter if he just raised them and not his. If they built a father daughter relationship from age of a child. Thats what it is. If they aren’t a fan of yours as you say. Dont let them get under your skin. Be the adult dont let them see it bothers you they will stop. If you cant be the adult sounds like your not mature enough for a adult relationship.
Get over it and be happy or leave and move on. Only two options here!
You need to explain more. Touchy Feely how? Use him for their own benefit how? Asking for clothed and such, like kids do with parents? Are you just viewing their contact with tinted glasses bc you know they’re not biological? Do you resent them? How do they belittle you? They’re too old for you to parent, are they disrespectful or are you overstepping? How long have yall been together? Are you starting arguments with you man avout his kids, expecting him to change how he does things and likely has always done things with his kids?
Tell him how you feel now before you get married…If your feelings do not come first then move on, you have dodged a bullet…
I swear I would love to hear their side so I can figure out the truth which is somewhere in between. He was with those kids since they were 5 and 7 so those are HIS kids at this point and not just a father figure. Also I’m trying to figure out what you’re insinuating by saying that they are being touchy-feely with him. 