This is Completely and Totally Up To Your Soon To Be Husband. I Would Not Marry Him If and Until He Puts a Stop To Their Behavior…
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Have you had a conversation about this with him?
If you haven’t, please do, if he doesn’t see what you see. It’s a good time to say goodbye.
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I know exactly how you feel. My ex’s youngest daughter didn’t like me and she made sure to let him know it. I tried talking to him but he did nothing about it. This went on for 8 years an then he divorced me. (cheated on me too). Just watch your back and prepare for the worse. Blood is thicker than water or a wedding vow.
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The relationship your man is having with his young adults is not same relationship you have with them - You have to earn your place within theirs lives in their eyes! Just concentrate on YOUR relationship with your man and if you cannot accept his judgement when it calls for ‘His young adults’ come FIRST before you ( As his Adult children will Always put Daddy before You) If you cannot let / see this Beforehand and now - DO NOT marry into this family. Boundaries need to be in place for ANY relationship / peace / harmony.
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It will constantly be a problem. I’d think twice about marrying him. If hes not willing to put you first now then he wont in the future. I dont care what their age. Kids should not be dictating the situation no matter what it is. That is petit. If it’s a problem now it will certainly remain so in the future
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The majority of people responding to your post are seeing the real picture. Do not marry this man. Sounds like you will never come first. I know it’s hard to separate your heart from love but later on you will wish you had listened to your head. Run as far as you can from this and love yourself enough to know you deserve a loving relationship where you are respected. This whole situation is flying huge red flags.
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I am with my current husband which whom he was a widower. He has two step children, 38 and 39 yrs old. He was married with his first wife for 29 years before she passed away. I had the same problem and he had reservation to get married after three years of dating me because of being afraid to hurt specially the step daughter (38) years old. He stated that he wants to marry me so We had a a talk. I asked him to talk to his step daughter and take care of the problem now. I was 56 years old at that time and I am not going to wait for permission from his daughter which is a grown woman. If your man really wants to marry you and have you in his life then as a man he needs to defend, protect and solve the problem. Otherwise, this will never go away and you have a poisonous relationship just for the sake of you love him. Does he love you as much as you loving him? Ask him this question. What is he waiting for? Something better to come?
It’s not going to change once you get married. You need to take a step back and reevaluate if this is how you want to live and feel for the next 5 years, or longer. You will never win. Those kids will come first. And they should, right? Sounds like their mom is going to make it a living hell for you. I would back out of this no win situation. I wouldn’t want to live like I’m second fiddle, and I definitely wouldn’t want the continuous competition with his kids. Life is too short. I wish you well and I wish you happiness ~:heart:
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Don’t get married! They will all feel like they won by stopping your marriage, but it seems like they’ll just keep getting worse if you go ahead with your plans! If he doesn’t agree with you and take your feelings seriously, , he never will! You don’t say how much contact he has with his step kids -I guess you all live in the same area and they probably see each other whenever they want! It sounds like it can only get worse for you from here on as long as he feels obligated to these girls!
The fact that they are not his kids raises red flag, while I understand he raises them majority of their young lives, doesnt me he will quit loving them. You 2 need to talk and he needs to set boundaries with these to ladies.
Tell him it’s not okay and gives the wrong impression to other and someone may end up calling the police or child protection services , I’m sure the girls are just trying to get to you , just ignore them and show them how immaculate they are and will get tirer of their games it’s no fun for them if they can’t get a reaction from you God Bless You
I doubt it will change. I have been through this exact situation for 18 years. It never changes. It may be best to ignore them and just keep yourself happy.
Please don’t put him in the position of having to choose between you and his girls. Take it easy. Try to see they feel they are loosing someone they love and are fighting for his continued love and attention.
If he let’s all this disrespectful behavior toward you happen, no deal. He needs to tell the girls to grow up act their age and get over it. Hi ex has no say about anything. He should be telling all 3 of them to play nice or they are out. Maybe move to a different state. There would be no marriage for me with those conditions. It most likely won’t get better…good luck.
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In all sense he raised them. You dont have to be blood to see them as your own. If you try to come between them you will loose. The girls see u as competition as they already lost their dad once. They want to protect what’s theirs. Make it clear to them you dont wantvto replace their mom and you dont want to take his love from them. He loves you differently to how he loves them. Because the love is different there is enough for everyone. Have this talk with him present in this meeting. You both are the adults and they are in those catish teen years. They will move out soon and call once a month. Dont give up on your man and the love you have for him…
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Those girls are grown first of all they have no say in your relationship. I feel like its his job to set boundaries and if you have talked to him already and hes not doing anything about it well. Thats says alot of him idk.
If that’s the case,it’s simple.Tell them that they’ll give their father his sexual happiness,if they can do that you’ll say I’ll stay away from your father.just a simple naughty advise maybe it might work.
They probably are. It’s normal behaviour for children of any age. It will always be a power struggle so now you have to decided if that’s a struggle you want for the rest of yourlife or not.
Sounds like you are setting yourself up for a life time of misery. Get out of the relationship.
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Stay unmarried, live in your own home and let him live in his. Continue the relationship if you both want but don’t marry. I think you can already see where this is going and getting your name changed after divorce is a horrible inconvenience for women. Getting married now is only setting you up to feel like a failure when it ends in divorce down the road. Just because you love someone very strongly doesn’t mean you should marry them.
They were there before you. You said, “his kids” I know many affectionate family’s. You should move on to someone with no kids as you will always be thinking these things. Do them and yourself a favor.
Not sure what OP means by touchy-feely (as that can mean a lot of different things including normal-healthy father-daughter interactions) so hard to comment on that, however…
If he lets the girls disrespect her he obviously doesn’t respect his fiancee if he’s letting his ex & her kids interfere in his current relationship. He should be the one telling these girls off, and their mom to mind her own freaking business.
If I was to marry this man, I would need to be No1 in his life and come well before his adult step daughters. Don’t have these disrespectful young women in your home. You both could meet these stepdaughters now & again for a am/pm tea in a nice cafe. If they weren’t being respectful to you, then both you can both get up and walk away. Are you 100% certain you want to be amongst this drama. Is this angst worth it?
It is up to him to talk to his girls and explain that he loves you and you make him happy, he needs to reassure them that he will always love them but that he will always love their mom for being their mom, but he is not in love with her anymore. Good luck!
What exactly is “touchy feely” I don’t agree with some people saying a teen is too old to be hugging or being affectionate to their parents I have teen daughters (biological and step daughters) who are still always hugging us and and giving us a kiss goodnight. One of my stepdaughter had a hard time to adjust to me and her dad being together. She was very jealous and didn’t want me near him. She was 2 shes now 12 and we have a great reaction ship. My husband has always made them treat me like mom since we decided that if we were going to be together and had kids from previous relationships we were going to parent our children together. Everyone’s situation is different. You need to sit and talk with him.
This is a little tricky but not impossible. He needs to create boundaries. They do not have to like the situation but they need to Respect it.
There of an age when they will soon grow up a bit and realise you were there.
Let them know that you are with there father and your not going anywhere they need to except that or they need to see him at a differant location.
You shouldn’t have to deal with this if the father doesn’t respect your decision and help you out with the inappropriate behaviour he never will so then its time to walk. But please before you through away a relationship that you claim.you love sit down and talk to all of them together tell them all how you feel so there can be no misunderstandings. Love is hard to find respect is harder but being treated like a doormat is certanly not something you should brush aside. Also please stop with there not his kids that in itself tells me you havnt excepted them he is there father in every way that matters.
A d she was 16 at the time when we met and 18 when we married and she didn’t show up at the wedding until later
Those steps are probably feeling displaced and not sure of the future.
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There will always be a possessive feeling for tha man that was in their lives. Your role w/the family will be friend if possible. His role is to immediately talk to all of them. To the EX, reiterate they have both moved on & she needs to diffuse the situation if she expects his continued friendship. To the young ladies, begun acting their age & do not keep manhandling any man, to respect you & his choice to have you in his life as no one is asking them to love you & if they are unable to do that it will cause a break in the relationship between them. You again, if he doesn’t go to this effort for your relationship then get outa Dodge as your life will be miserable & it will be your fault. Been there done that!
If he can’t speak up and respect you now,he never will.
An ultimatum of either he speaks up for you and it all stops or no wedding or relationship.
He is the problem for not listening to
You and not supporting you with your concerns. They are old enough to behave like the adult they are. He needs to talk to them
You can cut toxic people out of your life…ANNNNND (clutch your pearls) you you don’t owe anybody an explanation when you do. If these weren’t his step kids, if they were his bio kids, who are almost adults, would he allow them to wear on his relationship? They are fixing to be out living their own lives. But ultimately it is up to him to set the boundaries with the girls. And if he truly loves you and he knows this is hurting you, he will set those boundaries and enforce them. Once they are set, he has told hold to them because these girls will push back. There is really so much to unpack here. These girls if they look up to him as their dad, probably don’t have their real dad around. So already we are dealing with abandonment issues and now that their mom and he are not together and he isn’t their real dad they dont think he will stick around, because they are not his he doesn’t have too. And then she stated that the girls mom doesn’t approve of the relationship at all, so here she comes with her toxic behavior. Whether towards them directly or manipulating it with the children. If he doesn’t set boundaries and consistently enforce them without using you as the scapegoat, for example " Amy doesn’t like when you constantly hug me" he needs to say “I don’t like it when you constantly hug me”. Then I feel that in the end you will be let down heartbroken. That’s why I stated that even if they were his bio family “YOU CAN CUT TOXIC PEOPLE OUT OF YOUR LIFE!!!” Say it was his sister and his 2 neices, if he truly loves you and thinks you are his forever girl, the people he allows around him will be of the same mindset. Just my opinion
You need to sit down and talk with your boy friend. And explain your side and tell him what is going ob. I’m he desides it is nothing as you say, it 's time to leave. He needs a dose of reality. And you will be better off not having the bologna throse girls are pulling.
If they are preteen or just getting in their teens I’d tell you to run but they are of an to understand that he needs his space and right to choose and they need to be behind him not working against him and you
He needs to handle these’s two girls and ex!! If he doesn’t move on!
Daughters of another man, doesn’t need to be throwing themselves on their stepdad. That in itself is very wrong. And him liking it, is even worse. You need to cut and run. You sound like a good person. Don’t let a one sided relationship destroy you. Those girls sound like they like playing games. Dangerous games.
Run now. It won’t change. Exspecially, if he isn’t doing anything about it or trying to help you.
First red flag…if he isnt putting them in their place and encouraging them to respect you …he can go kick rocks!!! IMO
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He will never choose you over his kids. The more you have issues the worse it will be. They are almost adults and will soon have their own lives and eventually family’s to worry about. Have you tried to sit down and talk to them one on one and separately? Be perfectly honest and tell them you love the same man they do and you don’t want to take him away. Talk about taking it slow and becoming a part of their lives. If you want him to choose you over his kids (biological or not) then the relationship will never work and you should find someone without kids.
When dealing with blended families, the odds of it working out suck if you are already having problems. Start seeing a counselor now with appointments available for the entire family including his stepdaughters. Honestly, my ex and I did this and still the in-laws and outlaws/ his and her problems destroyed us.
I suspect their touchy feely is a manipulation, they are attempting to establish ownership. I would step back, establish your boundaries and be very clear what you want. You will likely never win with them, but you have a right to expect civility from them. If he can’t make that clear to the kids, and you love him like you say, make an appointment for couples counseling.
their inappropriate behavior won’t stop. you matter more than this man, you will find another who doesn’t put so much stress on you. don’t marry him!
Thats their dad. Shape up or Ship out. You divorce adults not children.
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His kids are too touchy feely with him?
It sounds like you’re jealous of them, not the other way around.
Been there, done that. After 13 years his girls won out with drama and lies. Blood is thicker than water. They side with their mom and tantrum with their dad, especially if the ex gets witchy. It’s a tough road.
I’d wait a few more years until they aren’t interested in seeing him so often. See if that helps. My daughter moved out at 19 (two years ago) she’s so involved in her own life I barely see her. 
There’s a lot to unpack there. Ultimately i say just let the kids be this way. One of two things is at play here. One, it’s a phase bc the kids are essentially being brainwashed by their mother. Two is that they’re just young adults snd have a complete bias to they’re biological’s
The second thing you should know is that your fiancé is in s tough place with the woman he loves (you) and the kids he loves. And that’s going to be a brutal thing sometimes but really it’s just more on him to show you how much you mean to him.
I also think that the touchy feely stuff should just not be brought up unless it’s an actual issue. Is there a past there that warrants concern? If the answer is no then why bring it up.
Ultimately his daughters may be trying to separate you guys, and actually that’s probably a guarantee. the kids are going to want they’re parents back together, they’re just too young to know any better.
I am in something similar, 17/18 on the olde children and the daughter IS more affectionate than I’m comfortable with but that how I was raised too. After a certain age they shouldn’t be hanging off any male, ven their own dad isn’t appropriate. BUT you should see that no matter what those are his kids too. You aren’t going to make them change bc they aren’t respecting you. He is the only one who can change it. I had to explain to mine that I was worried about the behavior causing problems for us bc they can be very manipulative. He isn’t going to choose between y’all. But he can make a point to know that you are the current family and he has to put the current life and family first and include the past family in the new life with the new rules.
I just want to point out she said THEY are very touchy-feely towards him not vice veras…
Why isn’t the boyfriend doing anything about this? He should not allow the ex and his step children to behave his way disrespecting the woman he claims to love. If they can’t behave themselves and treat their relationship with respect, they should stay away until they can. And if he refuses to do anything about it, I’d cut my losses and leave. She should not have to put up with rude bratty girls trying to split them up. There should be no excuse.
I guess I’m an a…hole cause I’d only deal with them when I have to , them kids are practically grown , he can be a dad but you don’t have to be nothing to them …just be nice now the husband should be on their butts to make sure they respect you
Can you elaborate on " touchy feely" ? If your not a very affectionate person at all… seeing very affectionate relationships may look odd but if your talking clearly unusual crossing the line behavior that is innapropriate for their ages…Thats major red flags. There is a line drawn as kids mature and get older. For example…a child at 4 years old and sitting on daddys lap will look a whole lot different than a 16 year old sitting on his lap. Healthy boundaries are usually drawn at an early age among healthy relationships. Bio or not
no matter how much you may love him… this situation will get worse and you will resent him so badly… my advice would be…GET OUT OF IT NOW… 
If you and your fiancé are not standing side by side and agreeing on what is going on then your headed for HUGE problems. I am a stepmom and know what I am talking about! If he does not love and respect and protect you now it will not change after your married. ! Be polite to them but do not play their games ! Ignore them and do not open up to them because they will use every advantage they can get to walk all over you ! Your only hope for that this will work is if he is man enough to stand up to them NOW before your married. ! We have been happily married for 37 years now but only because he stood up for me and would not let them treat me as a punching bag in any form or fashion !
Mama too many red flags…
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The 3 girls you are having difficulty with are manipulating that man and it’s disgusting. None of them want for him to be happy. You are not their friend. You are the enemy and their mother is the ring leader. The fact that he is blind is either creepy or he is clueless and if he isn’t standing up for you then they are more important to him than you. You are an adult. Act like one and put your walkin boots on and move on. No saving a relationship with a man who is still with his ex wife and her kids. If the girls cared about him they wouldn’t even care about your relationship and they surely wouldn’t be hanging on him if there isn’t some backhanded retaliation type of plan going on. They should go find their dad or start looking for a husband. I wouldn’t doubt it if the mother is coaching her girls. Explain yourself to your bf and give him an ultimatum. Better have your boots on and your bags packed. If he doesn’t want to see the situation in any other light then you are much better off. Those women are basic as hell. He might not be nearly as smart as you hope he is.
Have an open and frank conversation with them. They feel threatened by your presence, you feel threatened by theirs. The only way to deal with it is to talk about what’s going on.
You can’t get their acceptance or an out and out rejection of you any other way.
Perhaps delay the wedding until they are more established in life, and don’t need their Dad quite so intensely
Also ask your man what he would do or how would he feel if the situation were reversed…
That’s an interesting perspective to start a conversation
You’re so threatened by their relationship that you blame them for being inappropriate with their Father?! He needs to not marry you.
They are totally and completely 100% trying to tear you apart. Run.
Red flags 
everywhere !! Girl if he’s touchy feely with young girls then you done need to be marrying him.
I went through this. I killed them with kindness best I could, they grew up and moved out. Those couple of stressful years are just a faded memory. Oh yeah, it was totally worth it to keep that good man, it was one of the reasons I fell in love with him, his love and commitment to his daughter’s.
Dad needs to step up and teach them respect
It will pass teenagers are dumb I can attest to that because I too was once a dumb teenager. Don’t show them that it gets to you they’ll get bored of it. And let the dad do things for his kids that’s the one thing that I think you’re in the wrong about, you say they use him for their benefit, yeah that’s what kids do. And of dad is okay with it you should be too.
Welcome to being a step parent! In my opinion, you only have two choices: 1. go to family counseling, or 2. break off the engagement.
If he’s not willing to step in…you get out. I lived this nightmare…don’t do it
Write. Him off and move on.He is not for you because he is blind .Things will not change ,your life will be a living hell .
You need to consider your position in his life. If your place isn’t protected by him now, what are the chances that he will make sure your place in his life is protected later? None! This needs to come from him more than from you. Without his input, you will never be able to do anything about it and it will only get worse with the passage of time. Reconsider your choices.
If other people are commenting about inappropriate behavior, I’d say it’s time to move on.
If things are this bad now, it will get worse. Picture teenage girl screaming “You’re not my mom!!!”
Be consistent - find common ground - be positive - you are not a parent - but can be a role model / a moral supporter / cheerleader - Be honest - Set Boundaries - and they are teens and from the sounds of it are hurt over the split and you’re an adult -
Do the girls live with mom x-step dad?
Try building a relationship with their mother first… they will follow.
Kids? At that age they are not kids. Maybe you shouldn’t treat them like ones.
There not kids kick there asses out the door till they show you respect job done
The main issue I see is HIM allowing the touchy feely!!! What’s he doing about that? That should not be happening!
What if you had a child with him…that could send them over the top.
Might make him find his first real love…his own child.
Been there unless he stands firm and doesn’t tolerate their behavior nothing will help…they are pretty much adults so
You need to move on with out him, because it will get worse
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Probably the best thing u done time to think about ourselves now look up today b proud what overcome in life cuzz much appreciated
Trust your instincts and get out while you can.
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Gosh this makes me so keen on staying single for the rest of my life!!
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He needs to respect your boundaries and the girls need boundaries!!!
He needs to respect you and handle that.
If you’re not comfortable now, end the relationship.
I think that if he isn’t stepping up to stop their rudeness, it’s a problem. Talk to him about, and if he sees nothing wrong with how they treat you, I think you’d be better off without him and them in your life.
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If u have to ask, get out NOW!
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And you will find a better self CONFIDENT MAN.
Honestly you should run and not look back
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Wow you approve of touch freely your sick as he is
he needs to put his foot down with these girls because all they are doing is getting under your skin on purpose, The more they know they upset you the more it will go on. They aren’t his kids so he needs to draw a line in the sand, and any EX who uses their kids to get at their partner is a piece of shit. If he can’t make you a priority right now then you are in for a rough road. They are his past, you are his future, they are going to do this with every woman in his life if he allows it to go on, I speak from experience.
Boy this is a tough situation
See a marriage counselor- the 2 of you. Immediately.
Couples counseling before marriage
Ur weird if u feel sexually threatened by a child.
Dump her and move on …100% sure on this…
Ignore them. They are children who will eventually grow up.
Your man should be the one who should be telling his kids About their behavior… He can’t just overlook. If he dsnt see she anything wrng with his kids behavior than to be honest in future it will never be their fault in anything… It will be yours,u will be blame. It’s better to talk things out. If he still dsnt say anything than I advice you to live him. If he cares about you than I am sure he will make sure his kids knows your place in his life and he will stand for you😊 good luck
If he doesn’t have your back on this matter, he’s diminishing your feelings and that’s not cool. Trust your gut and know that your emotions are valid. You have to ask yourself if you want a future full of being minimized. I’ve been there and I don’t recommend it.
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Move on. Your not desired here.
those girls are inappropriate and out of line … unless he adopted them he is not their father and the touchy feely stuff must stop immediately and he is the one who must stop it… and the ex needs to tell those girls that their actions are not appropriate and enforce it…
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I’m in the same boat as you except I’m married to him. My step daughters never liked me and . I gave up yeeeears ago.
I don’t try. When they were younger I tried. One is 21 and the other is 15. At their age they know what they are doing. I don’t waste my breath. I love their dad and if they still can’t accept it. Tough. It’s me and mine.
We are happy and will continue to live our lives regardless. Much luck to you!