I need advise on the following situation. I have been with the father of my child for 8 years and she is 6 years old. And we’ve lived with his parents up until two years ago. Things have taken the wrong turn in our relationship lately. (a little background story) He was incarcerated from when he was 17- 23 years old, upon being released, his mother used to do absolutely everything for him, wash clothes, fold, put away, clean his room, cook etc. Until I came along of course and now we have our own home and it’s just the three of us. Well the issue I’m having is, when ever his parents call he drops OUR plans and runs to them. It’s NON emergency of course! At first I didn’t mind because those are his parents I get it. But recently it’s just too much for me to handle. On our daughter’s birthday, his parents called because they needed “help” with something and he literally left us, left me handling all the party set up on my own and did not show up until 2 hours later. I’ve tried to communicate with him and express how I feel that he’s got a family of his own now to take care of. But it turns into an argument every time, in his words “I will always be there when my parents need me no matter what”. I just really feel like he’s too much of a “mommas boy” (he’s 34 years old). My question is, do I keep trying to save this relationship or do I just give up and accept that we come second in his life. Any help is appreciated!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like my spouse is a mamas boy: Advice?re
You don’t say 1 nice thing about your husband. You even had to tell us he was incarcerated.
If you can’t accept him the way he is then you don’t love him and he probably knows it too. Which is why he constantly goes to his parents house – because they love him unconditionally
I admire people that take care of their family. You call it being a “momma’s boy” and I call it unconditional love. You saying that he drops what he’s doing to help them “when it’s not an emergency” and it was more important for him to help decorate for a 6 year old’s birthday party. What did they need? Do you even know? Or are you just jealous of their close relationship? Here’s the deal; his mother would never threaten to stop loving him because he spent too much time with you, he knows that and it makes him understand where his allegiance should be. Give up, you won’t win this battle.
It’s all in the way they are raised. In some cases it’s carried to far. Sounds like his parents have control of him. Either you accept your position or you leave
My ex husband was a mommas boy and a dead beat father that ran home to momma when things got too real at home, eventually he would end up in jail. Took me 7 years, him leaving us a total of 25 times, losing my boys to the state, and ending up with a drug addiction after losing my boys and going through rehab before I finally learned some boundaries and kicked him to the curb. Unfortunately, I was too late getting my stuff together when I entered rehab and learned my babies had been adopted. If only…
You decide what you want in your life and get it. But, I’ll bet you’ll stay just because you want a man, sounds like his parents may be trying to cause problems, and it’s working…next time go with him and see who else is there…
Maybe it’s depending on the reason as to why he was incarcerated? Like he’s trying to make it up to his parents or something.
Oh boy they love him and he loves them. Some mom raise their children like there in a personal relationship and won’t ever let go! Maybe do reverse sociology on him how ever you spell it so he can see how it feels.
My daughters father is like that but not. Like he’s 32 and a huge momma’s boy but the difference is he don’t take care of his daughter like at all, and he lives practically next door. I could throw a rock at his house. But he’s burned every bridge with his friends and everyone because of his laziness and lack of caring for his daughter. The only one he has left is his mom and even she’s fed up with it. But she loves him too much to admit it.
I believe there is a line between being supportive to your parents and supporting your own family. your child and wife come first end of story, you make that solid when you choose to have a family of your own. But that does not mean you can’t still be there for your parents aswell if it is realistic. What he did is not fair, and the parents could have waited. some moms are really messed up and feel they “own” their son like he’s property and will use that to advantage. And as a healthy minded mother, you would want your son to put his family first. He needs to take a step back and re-evaluate his priorities, I’m not saying don’t love your mother but if you cannot put your own wife and child first over your mother, you’ve got a problem. red flags
Everything hits differently when a therapist supports your feelings. Go talk to him with a Dr.
You must not be as close with your family as he is with his. He was locked up for 6 years; he wasn’t able to do anything for them while they probably kept money on his books for calls, toiletries, etc. He helps his family out because they help him out. It’s usually what families do. I am sorry that you feel he’s a mama’s boy and if you are going to “give up” over something so petty; maybe it’s best for all of you. Do you help your family out when they call you or does your family not even bother to call you because you don’t help them?
So he’s been like this and you just now are mad?
They are his safe place. They’ve been there through it all with him supporting. I do find it’s too codependent a tad though.
It’s not gonna change so either you deal with it or leave.I would leave
I can’t stand mamas boys… they always choose mom over their family THEY made.
You will get it when your children are older…hopefully