I think you need to be honest with him and you need to find out how he feels as well.
Honesty starts with the self and probably you both need to have those uncomfortable conversations. All marriages need friendship and it’s good that there is still that but I think u both need to grasp each other’s love language to move forward and to understand each other and what is lacking.
2 Likes
From the sounds of it you found a good one the first try dating and never experienced the heart back and pain and man can bring it is awful and trust me if you have a good guy hold on to him and don’t let him go. Honestly it sounds like you are the issue that your bored because he is to good to you and the kids and that’s sad where you never experienced pain, pain from abuse,cheating,being treated badly. I would stay and work on yourself before you let someone so great for you and your kids go.
27 Likes
It’s guilt keeping you there. My mom did it for too long. I finally told her (I was the oldest) at 12 to do what makes her happy. She was willing to stay with my dad for us kids but her unhappiness was starting to affect us. You know the answer. It’s the guilt of giving up that’s making you question. You don’t have to feel guilty for wanting to be happy. I know…its easy to say. Harder done.
2 Likes
Weigh out your options. Relationships are not perfect. Also think about what you are walking away from and ask yourself if its really worth it. I do not think it’s healthy that he manipulates you by cutting himself. That only pushes you away more.
3 Likes
Honestly that thrill you are seeking is usually only in the beginning of a relationship & after a few years you have to make it happen, relationships are constant work to keep it alive. You’re bored & you won’t realize what you had until you date a douche who does nothing that your husband did. Sure he will give you passion for a bit but he won’t help with anything else & eventually when your frustrated about all of that there will be no passion either. People always think the grass is greener somewhere else until the new set of problems starts.
4 Likes
Try harder, remember why you fell in love with him. Go on dates, do spontaneous things together again. Rekindle your fire.
16 Likes
If you are not happy, leave! You are teaching your children that staying in a relationship while you are not happy and not in love is healthy, and it’s not!!! You will both ok in the end. Life goes on and people do move forward.
I was all in going to say that the grass is not always greener on the other side and that you already have so many good things from him that you might be asking for too much. But when you got to the cutting part…I changed my mind. He obviously has issues that are keeping you from that passion you are talking about. That is not normal behavior and he needs to seek help and you need to get you and your kiddos away from him until he figures out what’s going on with him. Manipulation is not acceptable ever and self harm isn’t either. Maybe I sound harsh but that cutting….nope, I’m out!
2 Likes
STAY STAY STAY! Coming from someone who has been down many roads of abuse and neglectful people! You have a wonderful husband and beautiful family! Be very grateful. In marriage you will go through times of not being in love ,keep falling in love over and over with him! Your family is worth it!
1 Like
Sounds like you hit the jackpot and it’s YOU that needs to do some work now.
Imagine leaving “such a good person, a great father and someone who loves you very much”
To then one day have to go through everything all over again with someone else only to realise the new person doesn’t live up to the good thing you had.
Exhaust all your options first.
If your only issues truely are bedroom issues then you can fix that.
Spice things up, go on dates, learn to want for eachother again.
If you fail after really trying, walk away.
16 Likes
Marriage ebbs and flows. Sometimes, especially after a long period of going through something like the bedroom difficulties you experienced, you just don’t feel “it” for awhile Feelings change all of the time and if your expectation of marriage is that there is always hot, passion then you are going to be disappointed in any relationship you enter. Marriage is choosing to love someone every day. Marriage is bigger than your desire for anything. Marriage, in your case is building a family together and shaping little minds and hearts for the world. If you are friends and he’s good to you and your kids, you have more than a lot of people Focus on that. You have a lot more going on at home than you realize.
2 Likes
The grass is greener where you tend it. Put it energy into your marriage. Go on dates. Spend time learning to love eachother well. This doesn’t always mean sex, intimacy is more than that. Find out what makes him feel valued and what builds him, focus there. Learn yourself, what builds you? Communicate that.
He really sounds like a wonderful man, but it sounds like you are struggling. Marriage goes through seasons and so do people. sometimes easy and sometimes not so much. If you can figure out how to support eachother through the hard times and grow together, you may be able to grow something so much stronger than the physical attraction/sex/etc.
2 Likes
If you really feel that way it’s time to leave. Staying won’t fix things it will just make them worse as time goes on.
Try therapy. Try going on nice dates. Try going on vacation just the two of you if you can. Try getting the spark back if nothing works and you have tried everything and still not happy then leave. I know it will sucks for the kids but they will get use to it and they will be happy to see you happy again. Sometimes you just need that spark again! But do what is best for you. I know it’s hard but don’t think about the kids because it’s not going to work if you’re staying just for the kid’s you’re going to grow to hate him. And if you guys are good right now and sit down and talk then leaving shouldn’t effect The way you guys parent and should make co-parenting a little easier.
Let him go he deserves better if he’s as good as you say a good man doesn’t come easy.And I just hope you won’t regret it in the long run.
Then find you some supplemental excitment and keep your mouth shut. Your Smart…you can have both worlds.
2 Likes
You NEVER stay just for the kids!
Girl, I am on the same boat. Just not married but going on six years together. Thing is, he is obssesed with me but he doesn’t help. I feel I am the man of the house. Literally, he won’t break a nail. When covid hit he was let go. He wouldn’t help at all. I was working six days, ten hours shift and once I was home he wanted dinner. He is working now but there is nothing left for me to offer. We have talked and he wants to “fix” things yet he doesn’t change. I am mentally done. I’ve asked for time, I’ve asked him to move out but he says he will not leave. He loves me. I am just ready to move on. He is great, he does love me. The reason I feel stuck is he is my son’s, he is his stepdad, world. My son will be eleven and I know, leaving my bf, my son will not forgive me. He will ask to live with him not me. I don’t want to lose my son. I don’t want to be miserable but I don’t want my son to suffer.
Let him go so he can receive the true love he deserves from someone and so you can also find what your looking for .
I am in the same boat. I’m going on 21 years. I’ve stayed and am
Miserable. So I can’t help much. If I could go back in time though I’d left many years ago and Moved on
4 Likes
I feel like you will reget it I mean it’s going be hard to find a guy that is faithful that take care of his kids there more in marriage then just sex I hope if you leave you don’t reget it …
1 Like
If you have a good man who loves you and you have 3 kids together I’d seriously consider trying to fix your problems. Idk if you dated really before marriage but men suck. Dating with kids sucks, and you will regret throwing your family away for some “passion”. I’ve had relationship were the sex was great but the man was an abusive drunk. You cant always get what you want. And lack of excitement is not worth the heartache of having to tear up your and your kids lives. Trust me the grass definitely is not greener…marriage is a commitment and your supposed to work through problems for the sake of your family. You will get bored of any one but you wont find somone who genuinely cares so easily
Communication is key.
Tell him wot u want him 2 do in the bedroom or wot u want 2 experiment with.
If him dunno, u need 2 tell him.
Introduce new things, tell him ur sexual fantasies, there’s sex toys n role playin.
If it’s not gunna work, then emotionally, psychologically, spiritually n physically u r starving n need 2 leave, not just 4 urself but 4 ur hubby n kids.
Gud luck
…for better or for worse??
4 Likes
Having a love that consumes you, is wild and full.of passion is mostly toxic, volatile and will destroy you. Ive been exactly where you are, ive felt exactly as you have and I’ve wanted to leave as much as you. However, I worked on myself, went to uni, started a hobby etc - put my wants first, and it really improved our marriage. It’s still not all fireworks and passion but the kids are young but we do try. Fairytales don’t exist, and good men are rare, but at the end of the day, only you know what you truly need to do x
80 Likes
I think you know the answer to what you should do…he’s a great father “BUT”. You don’t have to try and convince yourself to stay for his or your children’s sake, and as much as the grass isn’t always greener, that doesn’t mean you’re not worth the happiness you’re looking for. Sit down and have a conversation with him as honestly as you can
8 Likes
You’ve admitted you both coexist so well… that’s far more special to have than wild passionate sex. Any two people can hook up and have spontaneity but that’s short term, a bright flame burns out quicker. What you have found with him is something people search their entire lives for, that comfort from another person.
50 Likes
You are lucky to have a good man so Make time to fall in love with him again . Go on date nights with each other. Maybe Try to talk to him tell him how you feel and that you miss being intimate but don’t make him feel inadequate or belittle him. Make him feel loved and wanted not just a provider, husband and father, men have feelings too and they can feel when their wife is not into them. If by the end of trying this it hasn’t helped then leave its not fair on the children, your husband or you. At least you will both know you tried. JUST READ THE BIT HE CUT HIMSELF HE SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE THAT. I think you both need to sit and talk honestly with each other.
17 Likes
Be careful what you ask for. You may never find what you are looking for. The next man may break your heart or beat you or much worse.
55 Likes
Although you should be happy don’t expect any other relationship to be fireworks all the time, 9 years with anybody will create a stable coexistence which with the day to day grind will be a lot of dull. Maybe just be by yourself is the best idea.
20 Likes
This is going to be some tough love- Relationships are not simple, but you made a commitment. For better or worse, forever and ever amen. Plus what you’ve mentioned about a life together is more than you can find in most relationships. If your partner is embarrassed, reach out to a local group anonymously asking for sports medicine drs, hormones treatment drs, or something similar. Tell him this will help him with more than just his intimacy issues. Everyone is in a better place when their hormones are balance & honestly that’s likely all this is. Which isn’t on him. You owe him that much because you’re committed to him. Imagine the roles being switched?!
But if you want lust then give the effort… bc to me it sounds like something deeper is going on than just him having intimacy issues. Is something going on with you as well? Insecurities? Lack of confidence? Stress? Bc it doesn’t really matter how young you married as long as you have the foundations of a good marriage.
Start putting effort in on your end too because it doesn’t sound like you’ve tried anything. Each partner should ALWAYS give 100%. Do something kind just for your partner like bringing home his favorite snacks. Do a chore for him every now and then that he typically handles. Write sticky notes to him and leave them places he will find them. Make him a special dinner for no reason. Make a fort in the living room and watch a movie with popcorn and candy like you’re kids. Date him. Cut out time weekly for just the two of you and treat that time as special as the first date. Lay in the bed next to each other and give the effort to intimacy. Turn off the tv & put up the phones. Use conversation starter topics if you have nothing left to say at the end of the day. Life has ups and downs, but if you’ve ever loved each other, it will still be there. Passion isn’t just created out of thin air. As adults, passion is created from trust, vulnerability, compassion, FRIENDSHIP, commitment, and so much more than lust.
And honestly when you get to that place in life, the intimacy is on such a deeper level than you’re currently seeing it.
You should even consider sharing with him how you’re currently feeling because he deserves to know and you’d be surprised how vulnerability helps a relationship.
But DEEPLY, my best advice is to start seeking God together. Pray for each other and pray together. There is no greater bond.
Good luck!
4 Likes
I would be very careful what you wish for. Think of it the other way around before you make hasty decisions. What if you leave for better sex and your now husband meets someone new., falls madly in love , remarries and has a new family ?? How would you feel then ? Especially if you don’t find what you are looking for and face being a single parent while watching your ex and children happy in a new blended family? Facing holidays, weekends alone when they are having family time??
If those things don’t bother you then , yes you should probably leave but if the thought of your husband happy elsewhere makes you jealous ,.angry or bitter then please.work on your marriage x
10 Likes
I was the same as you but I was 17 almost 18, 3 children at the time were 8,7 and 5. That was my biggest issue the bedroom think it was almost 4 years one night I went out with mum came home drunk and he tried it on with me just pushed him of and made me feel physically sick, I’d wanted leave since my youngest was a baby but I stayed for them, one Sunday I couldn’t do it no more I felt nothing so I called it a day, to start with he was ok then went bitter.
A year and a half later I met my oh and I found where I always should of been happy and loved and that excitement and feeling I never had, over 3 years now and have two more beautiful little ones even though I was scared I don’t have them doubts or reservations anymore he’s a brill dad to older kids and our babies, if I’d never made that jump and put myself and mental health and happiness first I’d not know what I know now, I’d never ever let myself get in that situation again, what I did learn is that because I was young I think I found myself in a situationship because I had children with him, great at being friends back then, we still get on for the kids but he never moved on but it’s not my burden to carry, you do what’s best for you kids will pick up on it my older ones said they had and I always looked unhappy and now I’m not xx
2 Likes
Please don’t stay unhappy. I felt the same as you for a very long time, I made the move as I didn’t want to get to 30 being unhappy. I’m now very happily married and have 3 more beautiful children. Yes it’s tough going but your children will still love you, and they will one day understand. Good luck 
10 Likes
I’d say given you have a great friendship I’m sure you’d be able to have an honest open conversation about it all and he’d understand if you wanted to part…………after saying that, don’t be surprised if you don’t find what your idea of love in your head is and be ok with maybe been alone. I’m a big believer in “I’d rather be alone and single than feel alone and in a relationship” so if you do leave, do it for you, not because you’re hoping to find someone else. As for the kids, they’ll be fine! Happy parents happy kids. I feel like your husband also deserves honesty from you. It’s not fair him floating around thinking all is ok. You never know talking to him about it could spark something in you both x
5 Likes
Your children will be fine! They are so much more resilient than you think, my husband walked out on myself and my 2 year old over a year ago and I thought my world was over! I was so sad my little boy had his family broken up but he is doing amazing and has adjusted so well it’s just become the norm for him now. And now I am happier than I was before, I just didn’t realise I wasn’t that happy previously if that makes sense, we also had just become friends and I like you want more from a relationship than that. Life is short and unpredictable, please don’t spend it unhappy. As long as you are happy your children will be happy xx
5 Likes
Maybe go away on holiday for a week without the kids and see if what you fell in love with is still there. It’s hard being mum and wife sometimes you need to be you and your hubby might be the same. Do things you used to do and if after that nothing, then you will know what to do x
4 Likes
Yes if you in your true honest self cannot be happy with this man then move on its a benefit to him and yourself but remember why you did.!
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side babe…I felt the same and left. Never found anything as good since.
24 Likes
It sounds as if there is no Intimacy in your relationship. That is necessary
First off, quit reading romance novels. They give you a false sense about what a real relationship is about. I use to compare and want the Harliquin romance with all the passion and heat. It literally ruined my first marriage. I realized what was happening and stopped reading them, started reading murder and suspense books. Lol. I had expectations that love was what I read in the books. I am not saying you should leave. But know that doing it alone is really rough with kids. If its for sex, you can get a little helper.
Don’t stay if you’re unhappy- even for the kids. Do make sure you’re not jumping ship just because you’re bored though? Every relationship gets in to a routine after the first few years, especially when work, kids & general life get in the way of romance.
Make sure you love yourself firstly, remember all the reasons you fell in love with your husband in the first place. Make time to have fun, go on dates, get the grandparents to take care of the kids occasionally so that you can take time to reconnect. Marriage takes work to keep the love alive, it’s not all hearts & flowers for a few years when kids are young & there’s a home to run & sometimes you do feel that there’s no passion anymore but if you really love each other you can work it out. I’m not telling you to stay in an unhappy relationship, just that you might find the same thing happens in every relationship & the grass isn’t always greener on the other side!
Please start praying and asking God to save your marriage. He is the only one that can make a difference. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. U have pointed out all the things u like about him, don’t be blinded by what u don’t like at the moment.
3 Likes
I have actually been on both sides of this conversation. When I was young… yes I was full of passion… I wanted it all the time, wherever we were. My partner at the time (and father of my daughter) actually broke up with me because he felt that’s all I wanted. Got into another relationship with someone just as passionate as I was and that ended up being an abusive toxic relationship, that I left. THEN I HAD LEUKEMIA, and a bone marrow transplant that forced me into early menopause at the age of 29. I’m now 37 and I’m the one with no desire or passion. I’ve been with this awesome understanding guy for 5 years now. He is overly touchy feely and would be on top of me every moment of every day, because it’s what he needs. And I get it, been there, but for me that feeling has faded, and is less important. We’ve come to an understanding, I’ll give it up on weekends but durning the week he can try but if I’m just not there, then so be it. I have no problem with him watching porn or taking care of himself. Sex is important but it shouldn’t be the driving factor of any relationship. I suggest you make a pro/con list about your relationship and figure out if it’s worth it to stay or worth it to leave. No relationship is perfect and they all take a lot of work l, communication and comprise from both parties. Keep in mind that eventually as a woman, you will go through menopause, and the desire won’t be there anymore, so make sure you have someone there who you are compatible with on other levels. He sounds like a wonderful dad (aside from cutting for manipulation or it could have been a serious suicide attempt because of depression 
) but anyways it sounds like he has a some great qualities that make him a good partner overall. Best of luck.
Personally I feel that if therapy hasn’t workes and you still feel this way after so long that this is the only way you may find happiness then I don’t feel you have much of a choice. You don’t want to live a life of regret. Your also doing it for him, to be able to find someone that loves him. And for the children, as then you with both be happy. X
8 Likes
I could have written this myself. You are me 4 years ago. Do I regret leaving? Every damn day that goes by. I was happy for about a year.
Found love, lots of times… turned out they were all snakes… I cannot abide dating nowadays. The men that are single now are single for a damn good reason. I agree with Kerry A Lincoln… you need to work on yourself. My ex-husband never ‘sorted’ himself out for me. I wish he had, I would have stayed then.
Read some erotica, watch some porn, go on ‘date nights’, find you two again instead of mum and dad. Role play? So many things you can do to ‘spice’ it up if he’s willing.
If all else fails, try Ashley Madison. It’s a dating app for people who want affairs. Discrete, no strings, just be careful! X
1 Like
You get one opportunity at life. One opportunity to fully live, this isn’t a rehearsal. I’ve been in relationships were you just exist together and it’s not living!!! But I think you know the answer to your question, you are seeking validation to act, don’t. Do you, do what you need to do to find yourself again. You only get one go at this life 
1 Like
Do him a huge favor and leave, he deserves so much better than you.
3 Likes
I was in a similar situation except we didn’t have children. Just as you say, life is too short to sit around being unhappy. You can try to make the separation as amicable as possible and sort arrangements for your children but I would say if you’re not happy then don’t continue on, it will only get worse and your resentment will grow which your children will pick up on xx
1 Like
My ex wanted sex and nothing else . I felt rape when together. I’ve been with my honey for21 years who’s taken on my 4 children and now 13 grandchildren and great grand baby .Sex isn’t everything when you have love in different ways. We have a sexless relationship. Hes wonderful
It’s not always about you!! There are other ways of pleasing yourself and not putting so much pressure on an issue he had no control over. I’m actually glad I came across this because at the same time it makes me understand my partner better because it’s the other way around. He’s all about physical touch and being physically passionate and I’m not because sex hasn’t always been as comfortable for me as it is for most woman I get a lot of discomfort and sometimes, unfortunately most of the time, pain. And it’s not my fault but I also shouldn’t be less valued in my relationship because of it and I also should have the burden of feeling guilty for it either. It’s manageable I would stick around until the kids are older and than part your ways because you could end up in a bad situation at the end of the day. Keep your family how it is and find a way to please yourself 
your kids will thank you in the long run unfortunately it’s not about us anymore until they can figure things out on their own and until than if mom and dad get along and are a unit, stay a unit. Children need that foundation. I also have young children and this is why I choose my family over my desires at this stage in life
2 Likes
Have you spoke to him about this?? Or will be he blindsided? Maybe have a talk explain that you’d like to rekindle and make it more fun, atleast give him the chance to try. I mean after 9years is isn’t gunna be passion all the time, best is communication and trying things before making that final decision, as once it’s over you may feel differently?
The grass may not be greener on the other side. Life’s to short to please everyone in your life leaving you unhappy 
and it’s not fair. Like I said life’s to short x
When u go through a divorce or split later in life, you become pickier about what you want in a partner. And so will other males that have gone through the same thing. Point being, that you might find it much harder to find someone that has the same good qualities that your husband has, but is amazing in the bedroom. You may find yourself alone for a long time. Its been mentioned many times here, the grass is not always greener.
1 Like
you should be allowed to be happy don’t feel like you have to stay
1 Like
Ypu already know the answer. Your looking for people to tell you if it’s right or wrong, but you have to do what you know is right for you. Good luck
Why a love that consumes you? It doesn’t sound healthy.
1 Like
Don’t set the example for your kids that if you’re not happy, you still stay in that situation.
You’re not the 18 year old anymore… you’re not that person. Your goal should be your happiness…doesn’t need to have a man in your life to feel that way.
If it’s run its course, move on to the next chapter in your life
This is really sad. Today a bus load of pensioners came to my job. 88-90 year olds. A couple holding hands. To think that this couple can go through so much together .
Wars, depression, loss of love ones, hunger…everything life can throw at them.
They are still so much in love…and here our generation can have the world in our hands, be blinded to a golden gift and are ready to walk away because of something like this.
If he were cripple, would you leave him? If he has cancer, would you leave him? If he lost a limb or be blinded, would you leave him.
His self esteem because he is unable to perform to your satisfaction must be on a real low.
I say there is more to this than your letting on.
I think you have the hots for some one else.
Leave, let him go. Let him rebuild his life with someone who appreciates him besides the bedroom
13 Likes
I always say never stay where your not happy, have you spoke to him properly about it? have you told him you need passion, have you tried putting the passion back into the marriage? if your genuinely unhappy then leave but if its something that can be worked out then at least attempt to fix it
You deserve to be happy and to feel passion. The fact that he cut himself when you tried to leave isn’t fair on you and it shows that he has the ability to manipulate you and guilt you into staying. That’s a form of abuse so leave. You owe it to yourself to be happy, your kids deserve to see you happy and you’ll only resent him more if you stay
Be grateful for what you have stop looking for all that fairy tale toxic passion filled love 99% of the time it ends in tears. Grow up learn to love the man that your described to us that seems like most women’s dream husband and make it work. You will throw away all that time all that hard work for what passionate sex get a grip. If that is such a big deal take a vacation alone to somewhere romantic just u guys and go bring that romance back that u so desperately want instead of trying to find the easy way out
1 Like
If you are truly unhappy then leave. Don’t stay in a relationship just because you have kids together, they will be fine and adjust.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel nothing for my husband but he is great: Advice?
Well leave him, and get you a real asshole to make you appreciate what you had.
1 Like
Leave the kids with him then.
u gonna regret for leaving ur family in the end
Spice up the bedroom get some toys !!
1 Like
It’s a tough one… I’d suggest making a conscious effort to focus on your relationship… The positives, the things he DOES make you feel, how easy it is to talk to him, having someone who listens to you, understands you, and you just click together. That’s hard to find. I completely understand what you mean, wanting that burning passion, 100% agree that it’s important. But it was there before, and it could be there again! Remembering how well you work together and appreciating him as a person and what he brings to your life could spark that passion again. It’s not a case of convincing yourself to stay, it’s a case of fighting for your marriage. Relationships aren’t full of mad passionate love all the time, but it’s about finding the good and learning to appreciate the ordinary things because they’re just as special… They’re what make up most of our life… So if you can find happiness in the little things I think you’ll be a lot more content. If you try and it doesn’t work, at least you know you gave it everything before you actually leave
Start dating him again!
2 Likes
I have to say something about this because I could’ve written this myself about 7 years ago. I was bored and he was boring. I felt like it couldn’t possibly be true love because wouldn’t i FEEL something if it was true love?
Well, I don’t know if this will be true for you but for me… I grew up in chaos. I grew up with abuse and drama and so much conflict that normal felt empty. Normal was boring and unfulfilling. I didn’t know it at the time but this was my reaction to going from constant chaos to a perfectly normal and “boring” life. And man am I glad I chose to stay. Because that “boring” guy has been my rock. He’s my everything. He is there for me, believes in me and is my strength when I am weak.
Believe me, life will bring you enough drama and chaos all on its own. Embrace that your home life is peaceful, normal, and boring. Start dating your husband again. Go to couples counseling. Get counseling for yourself. Do the work. Love is not a fairytale and fireworks won’t always be flying. It takes dedication and hard work and it’s worth every single second you put into it.
You can fall back in love. You can learn to appreciate peace and stillness, even if you came from chaos. I sincerely wish you the best.
Me and my husband have been together since I was 13 and he was 15. We are now 28/30. He is the best in EVERY SINGLE ASPECT. Like most marriages, we’ve struggled on losing that “spark”. We both work full time at very demanding jobs, we juggle the kids, family time and alone (adult time) just never got around. It wouldnt fit in the “agenda” and that started our fall. I was actually like your husband. Sex isn’t everything for me as it was for him. I mean, and he doesn’t lack in any aspect, my drive since having our youngest (who ended up getting sick) drains me and my sex drive plummeted… After some time, that spark dims. Its up to YOU AND HIM to find it, rekindle it and make it work. Marriage is for better or worse. At least it was. You need to talk with him. Don’t throw that man (if he really is all you say he is) for someone who just f*cks you good but treats you like shit. Why put all that effort to finding someone else when you can fix your marriage, keep your kids happy and still enjoy like together? With time, we become complacent and fall into routine. We don’t “date” once you already got each other. Try by taking the initiative and showing him how you want it/like it etc. Unless you really are set on leaving him, then go and never look back. That man deserves a real woman who will TRULY love and cherish him, through sickness and in health, for richer or poor until death do they part. I hope you don’t make the wrong decision.
1 Like
I don’t believe in divorce…ESPECIALLY under these circumstances. You made a covenant with him and God and you should honor it. Feelings have no intellect and they can change….you will regret leaving him if you do. Work it out….forgive him for waiting so long to address something that negatively effected your sex life and don’t allow another man:eyes: to get in your head because your ungodly desires for someone else will make you think leaving your husband for them is the answer. For better or for worse:pray:t5:
Love is all consuming the first maybe year. After thats its work and a concise effort every day.
6 Likes
I’m surprised it took mine years. My husband and I started having moments like that after just a couple of years. All marriages go through it. My advice is to never stop dating. Every now and then, take your kids to a trusted sitter and go out and have time for just the two of you! It sounds like he couldn’t help the intimacy issues, so that really shouldn’t be used again him. Just try and find that spark again with your man because I guarantee, this will happen with any long term relationships you get into
5 Likes
That is so sad. Love is to be beyond that. Honey, there is not that many fish out there that is like him. You need to figure it out and stay. Love is more than just sex. It’s sad that you can’t be with him beyond that. Find a way to fix it. Apparently he can have sex now so you need to find a way to get yourself back together. Guys aren’t like women and go running to the doc with things like that. So it isn’t just him. If you’re sex drive is high and he is able to perform now then you need to see what’s wrong with you if you can’t do it now. Find that spark again. Go on dates. Spend time together. Foreplay. Do something. The grass is not greener on that other side.
Are saying that you fell out of love due to lack of sex? The way you’re speaking of him sounds like he is a great guy. What had you fall in love the first time? Find that spark.
Good luck finding everything you’re looking for! If he’s good to you and helps you and an all around great guy, you better keep him! Start dating again. Tell him you need passion. Communication is key. You think it will be better or more fun without him but it won’t be!
6 Likes
I feel so horrible for this poor man. He does everything right and you damned him, all because of sex.
I hope he can find happiness and healing. His entire world torn apart because you’re a bad person.
Sounds like you miss the honeymoon faze and want that back. You’ll get that with someone else, for a little while, and then that will slowly fade away too.
You didn’t say one bad thing about him other than he can satisfy you. Have you thought maybe you’re the issue here? Have you expressed exactly what you need/expect from him in the bedroom? You let it go so long before getting things worked out? That’s on you, you should’ve been more communative.
10 Likes
I don’t think you realize what you have in him. If you leave your marriage for sex you might get someone worse. People are not committed anymore. Try to work on the affection and maybe he will change.I’m sure someone else would appreciate him. Life is not perfect . I lost my Husband 3 years ago due to serving our Country in Vietnam. I’m devastated. Maybe you should search a little deeper within yourself. 
Your wedding vows were said for just this moment. All marriages have ruts…and they can be big ones! But this is when we buckle down and get to work! There are SO many way to bring passion and spice to your marriage. I don’t know your “style” but the RIGHT counselor can help you guys out with that. Everyone gets “bored” with their spouse, especially if they’ve decided they just don’t want them anymore. I truly think that you guys can work through this! The honeymoon phase won’t last forever in any relationship. You’ll be miserable forever if that’s the feeling you’re chasing.
4 Likes
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
I went through pretty much the same and ended up with a monster.
The secret is to never stop dating, flirt with each other, plan trips together. But if at the end your heart tells you it’s really time to go, then go. But not to look for passion, because passion dies very very fast.
Give yourself time, you might ended up missing him or you might ended up meeting someone else that you really love and feel physically attracted to.
It does happen, again it happened to me. I’m crazy obsessed with my current husband, and we’ve been together for 8 years. I still love to look pretty for him.
It’s a good feeling, so I do understand all the emotions you’re feeling.
Best of luck to you!
1 Like
First of all cutting is not a cry for attention it’s a cry for help regardless of the reason. It’s not a manipulation it’s an introspective self hate act. Second cutting is usually a sign of sexual abuse at some point in a person life. And given what you said about his embarrassment about getting a sexual issue fixed I honestly think this is a truth. First thing you need to do is understand your husband better. Because a person trying so hard to keep you happy so you don’t leave him is the best you are ever going to get.
Thirdly, it is not your husband’s job to make you happy which in and of itself is impossible. That’s because its your Job. No one can make you happy but you. And to be perfectly honest I feel like you are just not trying but relying souly on him. You guys don’t need a marriage counselor you both need a personal psychologist. And if I had to guess I would say you probably suffer from depression for reason that you have lost interest in more then 1 things that used to hold your interest.
But thats my personal opinion.
I suggest you separate for a few months and both seek help including your children because this kind of thing effects them too.
9 Likes
This is what happens when you marry before you grow and now you have to hurt someone in order to be happy. Get some therapy, try working on your self and then and only then will you see that happiness comes from inside you. I’m not going to tell you to stay married but definitely take every member of your commitment into your thought process especially your children. Sex is just sex, love is what matters and you can have great Sex with anyone but the connection you have with your spouse and making love is not something that you should just throw out the window, you can also get Sex therapy ,just try everything before ruining your and your children’s lives and the man who has stood by your side.
Lets be real… how many deeply passionate married folks actually exist??? Marriage is a partnership, if you find yourself in one where years later passion and fire still exist, you are very fortunate! Very!!! After kids and years it becomes a “thing” that works as opposed to being alone. I think you are confused on what it’s actually all about. It starts off great, usually ends up bland. It’s a comfortable blah and bland. You need therapy, I think he’s fine. 
What you seek does not exist forever.
4 Likes
Ooh, girl. What you are describing is the beginning of a relationship. You want a relationship to keep that brand new feeling, and that just is not reality. It’s also not love. I had someone read this quote at my wedding, and I find it truer today than I did 10 years ago when I said my vows.
“Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are so entwined, it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being “in love”, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.” -Louis de Bernières
19 Likes
No relationship/love Will be all consuming the rest of your Life. But If you don’t love him then you both deserve more
1 Like
You probably need to spend time with him date him. Come back to why you fell in love in the first place. Your not going to find what you have anywhere else. The grass is not greener somewhere else. If you feel out of love over a medical issue thats not good you need to get counseling for yourself and work on making yourself happy. You are married to a great person start there. You should try to fix it. Don’t have one foot out the door while your trying
7 Likes
Falling in love is easy, staying in love is hard work. Doesn’t sound like you’re putting your part in bc while it took a while, he ended up getting himself checked out and whatnot but what about you? It sounds like you got bitter and resentful. What have YOU done to spark the life back in you? Have you trying breaking out of the routine you have or trying new things? Kinkier stuff in the bedroom or pretend he’s a stranger and date him again for the first time. Spend 2 weeks in a getaway discovering each other again. Communication is key
17 Likes
You girls are never happy. Have fun dying alone.
9 Likes
Honestly for just him cutting himself, doing that to manipulate you, would have been a solid reason to leave. It’s not healthy.
3 Likes
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side try the 222 rule but also don’t stay around just for the kids because if you leave when they’re older like teenagers it’s going to be so much worse
4 Likes
From personal experience I can tell you that bland love is the best. After 9 years I left my husband for almost this exact reason. I hurt my family over my own selfish desires. I didn’t feel loved without passion. Boy was I wrong. That passion fades so fast. It feels good a split second then nothing. I thank God everyday that my “bland” love still wants and loves me even after my incredible mistakes. Keep that man. Love that man, and talk to him about your feelings.
23 Likes
Are you serious… leave so he can find an appreciative wife. Smh.
10 Likes
Love is not a feeling. It’s a choice. Your feelings fluctuate on a day to day basis. Feelings are deceptive. When you married your husband you made that vow to choose him every day. Now you have to choose to work this out and find a solution. Leaving him is not the answer.
11 Likes
Idk I can hear both sides of it. And granted you got Married young you said vows for a reason. Marriages have their ups and downs. To me sounds like dating needs to happen. Never stop dating your partner, never stop courting your partner. To me, you may not be blissfully in love but that happens in marriage. It seems selfish to leave because you aren’t in a movie romance with your husband. It may not be him, it may have a lot to do with you, which is what it seems like. Individual counseling sounds like a good idea. You both need to fall back in love with yourselves first, before you can love the other properly.
7 Likes
It doesn’t matter who you are with, your marriage will eventually become more of an affectionate companionship than a voracious lust-fueled hormone fest, over time. That doesn’t mean sex goes away, passion is absent, or love has died out: it just means hormones aren’t quite as overpowering as you age. Those feelings are not love: they’re hormones. So you could ‘trade up’ only to find the same problem eventually with the new guy, and could launch a series of relationship failures because you’re on a constant hunt for those ‘new relationship’ and ‘young love’ feelings. Feelings that are dead in your marriage can be resurrected. Date him. Tell him what turns you on and ask him to do it. Wear what turns him on, tease him, and see a sex therapist. Do what made you fall in love with him at first. Don’t focus on whether you have the feelings: do it to get close. Emotional closeness is the glue that holds relationships together and makes sex satisfying.
Oh, and if he is depressed, anxious, stressed, feeling inadequate, on psychotropic drugs, vitamin D-deficient, or overweight those things can reduce his sex drive. Deal with weight or vitamin deficiency issues, and help him reduce stress. Care about his feelings as much as you care about your own and you will have your reward in the bedroom. A wife has all the power in the world over how her husband feels about himself.
You’re gonna end up with that 20% and miss the 80%. The spark will come back. Get a babysitter and date each other again.
10 Likes
You sound like you have already checked out and are ready to go. asking random people what to do won’t help, your heart knows what it wants. I can say the reason you aren’t happy isn’t his fault you should be seeing a therapist and possibly a psychologist to get your mind right he seems like an awesome guy who deserves the love he’s giving to you and it seems you don’t appreciate it as much. things get stale with some people I can say the place I’m at isn’t where I always want to be but I have a therapist and others helping me achieve my happiness with or without a man…I have been with my husband for close to 9 years I had felt like I wasn’t happy a few years ago and the comment “it’s no one else’s job to make you happy but yours” came along and I realized it’s right…its not my kids or my husband’s job why I wasn’t happy. it’s my job to work through whatever I’m going through. getting married as young as you did I can say the person I was with 18 I couldn’t be with now my mind and my focus has changed in many aspects. all in all its up to you what you feel needs to be done and how you feel in your marriage if you honestly don’t feel like staying you need to go. even if you guys took time apart what he does once you leave is not your fault it’s his choice and his decision.
1 Like