I feel out of place in my own family: Advice?

Why do I feel so out of place in my own family? Let’s start this off by saying this might be a lot and a little hard to follow, so I’m sorry in advance! My mom and her boyfriend have been together for a few years and have children together. I am only there sometimes, so often I am forgotten about. So-called boyfriend’s family often leave me out of posts, stories, activities, and the list goes on. It’s like I do not count as one of them, but my biological family has accepted my step-siblings, so why won’t they accept me? I read social media posts where they only talk about 6 of their grandkids and don’t even mention me; they’ll talk about the six others, though. I understand I’m not biologically theirs, but I want to be noticed too. They will say things like insert name are here and the four boys are at home, but they don’t state that I’m home too, actually watching the boys so that my mom and her bf can be somewhere else. I feel like I go unseen a lot by their family and even by my mom and her boyfriend. I feel like a nanny/cleaner when I’m there and like they’re just using me to do what they do not feel like doing. I’ve addressed that part to my mom, but she says that’s what family does, but I do it all myself without any recognition. Am I thinking too deeply? Is this something other people feel? Is this normal?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel out of place in my own family: Advice?

As a step kid I totally get this, and as a stepmom I try very hard to not have mine or my bonuses feel this wsy

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Talk to your mom. Tell her how you feel.

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It’s shitty, but I know how you feel. At some point you just say screw it, and make your own family out of those that are there for you. But it’s not something I’ll tolerate for my daughter.

I bet if you stop doing things for them they notice!
You have every right to feel the way you do.
If when you talk to them about it they don’t seem to care then maybe you should stop caring as well and find some new family. Remember family is not necessarily blood. I have friends for 20 plus years I consider to be more family then my actual family. Be with people who thank you and acknowledge you for the things you do and leave the ones who don’t alone…see how long it takes them to notice!

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As a step/adopted kid, I feel this even more as I get older. It’s something I’ve just accepted bc I’ve also always been the “black sheep”

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No it isn’t normal, you should come first with your Mom.

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Stop doing those things. Stop always making yourself available for them to go do things. If the others are so precious then the others can watch the kids, cook, clean, and do the rest. Sometimes the best family is the one you create.

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Another post where it would be nice to know the poster’s age but also the ages of the other kids involved. Is this a grown adult living at home or a teenager? That being asked step-parent’s families have no obligation to consider you family it is awesome when they do not more often than not they just don’t think of you as part of their family. You can either let them know how you are feeling and that you love them as part of your family our let it go you can’t change other people only yourself.

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The freedom I felt when I cut my father out of my life for that was so good. Do I miss my dad? Absolutely, but I love the peace of mind more.

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Been there and it’s not a good feeling . The more I did the more they wanted and nothing was ever good enough so I left and stopped coming around and they noticed…You know the saying you don’t know what you have until it’s gone …Well that’s what happened to them and I stayed away for a long time until they showed me that I was Appreciated and wanted… Sometimes you have to give them their own medicine…

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Go off grid and make your own life.

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I’m so sorry… Firstly, if you feel a certain way, your feelings are valid and genuine.

If you feel left out by your parents & grandparents, and you’ve spoken to your mum but she doesn’t seem to understand your point of view, let the topic rest.

Please remember that your most important relationships will be with your siblings. Create the relationships with them that will carry over into all of your adult lives, long after the parents and grandparents are gone. Remember how you feel & be empathetic to others. Don’t let other people’s blindness cause you to be bitter. You sound like a good person, watching your siblings and helping out in the home when you visit, hugs for you :hugs::heart:

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Confront all of them make a list becouse this way you know all stop cleaning and playi g nanny and if still left out stay away

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You’re not thinking too deeply, what is happening is wrong. You don’t deserve to be treated like that and then expected to do everything for them. I think you have every right to feel the way you do and every right to bring it to everyone’s attention. Maybe not all at once but person to person.

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How old are you? This sounds like an abuse. Ask your mom about it, if shes not validating your point, ask a good role model adult to interfere or stop anything that they ask you to do that will only hurt you like making youa nanny of their kids.

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You are not wrong to feel this way. It’s your feelings and they matter. Not sure how old you are as you didn’t say, as that makes a difference in what you can do. If you are over 18, or not yet 18 and need to finish high school, do it. Hang tough, meet with a counselor when you go back and get help with what your options are. If you are on your own and live elsewhere then you have to decide what is better for your own mental health. Stay away? Keep things the way they are?? It’s up to you as only you are the one whose living it. Write down all the pros and cons of not going over to your mom and her boyfriend’s home.

I felt this so deeply growing up it doesn’t get better you just grow older and make your own family out of friends then pretty much focus on them instead of the family you were born into. At least that was my view my siblings got everything handed to them while I had to legit scrub the floor with a toothbrush it gets better

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It’s not normal. I have 2 beautiful step children, but on a normal occasion I refer them as my children as they are my children. If I ever made my baby’s feel unwanted or any type of way, I pray they bring it to my attention so I could change it. Just try sitting down and opening up like you have here and get it all out. You 100% have a valid reason to feel hurt and when you explain this DO NOT let your love for them paint over this situation. They need to understand how you feel and where you’re coming from even if it makes them uncomfortable. If they can’t even try, then stop playing a parent roll to your siblings. Yes kids should help, no that should not be entirely your place ESPECIALLY if your siblings are of age to help. In fact, if you’re the one in charge, make rules. Ask everyone if you watch them, if they can help around the house to. Otherwise, you’re not obligated to take that role. Definitely be open about this and don’t make yourself suffer in silence. Don’t let any of them think you’re over exaggerating, they don’t get to control how you feel.

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become a nanny/housekeeper money and a place to live someone will be grateful to you

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Been there… still there. It’s a definite mental struggle never even able to bring it to light. So sorry, dear.:hugs:

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Boundaries baby. They are ass holes and you need to stop being available for their bullshit. They don’t notice you when ur there they won’t miss you when ur gone. Find people who love you and show it. Good luck :four_leaf_clover:

You deserve the same love and recognition the other kids get, period! Do have grandparents or someone else you can turn to for emotional support?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel out of place in my own family: Advice?

I feel your pain. Please be aware you will grow older and get a life of your own. Don’t let the scars of today carry over into the beauty of your tomorrow.

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I watch my sister go through this and it’s terrible. Big hugs💜

My biological daughter thought the same thing
when she was young now she is 26 and a woman she has a special bond with my wife things look different from when your young, speak to them I guarantee you your biological parent would never do anything to make you feel unwanted it might look like that but everyone sees things differently, your story will be different from everyone else’s.
And yes we all help maintain the house that is part of being a family I’m from a Mexican family oldest does more :man_shrugging:t4: part of

I say if you’re old enough to be out on your own stop helping them and then they will realise how important you are! Give them a taste of reality

Nope ur thoughts are correct U know what U feel & they’re plain & simply ignoring & rejecting U coz ur not blood. As for mother It all starts with her she’s the one to blame for ur sadness & insecurity bcoz she allows for it to happen. She didn’t consider U in the equation of her new life & her in-laws feed off her too. If the one person who is suppose to love & care for U doesn’t then what makes U think strangers would. When ur old enough leave them & don’t look back. Sad really but Itl one day make U a stronger person & U learn a good life lesson too, to look outside ur own box

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Sit them down and talk to them. Explain that you consider them your family and you would hope they see you the same. If it doesn’t change then you know where you stand.

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Please look up narcissistic parents and see if that looks like your situation. They may be freezing you out as a way to abuse you.

You are not alone. And your feelings are valid!

It should work both ways.
You are been used.
Good luck x

Yes I feel like that, just let them get on with it.

They are selfish idiots. As soon as you are old enough to decide to have nothing to do with them I’d do it. It’s because you are not directly related not personal as a person. It’s awful and they should be ashamed.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel out of place in my own family: Advice?

Family’s what you make it. They dont have to be related or share any of the same blood. I have blood relatives (in fact almost every single one of them :upside_down_face:) that I dont speak to and that dont speak to me. I have connections with 2 blood relatives and for awhile I was sad. I have a very HUGE family tree but it was as if I was invisible. One day I got tired of feeling hurt and I moved on. They dont know me and I dont want to know them.
I got lucky enough to be marrying into an even larger family who’s arms have been wide open since the day I met them.

Sometimes it hurts to be the black sheep but if they have no interest in being a part of your life then don’t worry about them. People who care will make it known.

I know this feeling all too well. No advice because I, myself do not know how to handle it. Just my sympathies and prayers that eventually it will no longer hurt.

Listen I know how you feel. I would live in my own little world. Make friends do stuff for yourself. When they call for the Nanny or Maid they would have other engagements. Do not go stay away you have voiced your concern with your mother so let go not easy I know but don’t let them run all over you and your feeling. Good luck and God bless.

Praying things get better for you. be true to yourself, stay kind and loving and depend on God. Try writing a letter to your mom and boyfriend. Giving examples and be honest, loving and factual. Where is your dad?

Is this what’s really happening or do you just feel/percieve it to be this way? The best policy is honesty. Have an open dialogue with these people and let them know how you feel. <3

Your feelings are completely valid, you should try and talk about it with them, I’d be tempted to make a Comment like "I’m home too… " in a situation like that as a bit of a hint but I’d definitely voice it somehow. If they don’t understand and change their behaviour then unfortunately that speaks for itself, as hard as it is to accept. I really feel for you in this situation :heart: