Sounds to me like you may have given this “friend” reason to believe he may have a chance at some point. I, personally, would never disrespect my husband like this. I feel bad for your husband here! Just sayin…
It sounds like to me this guy wants way more. And may even have some bit of crazy mixed in there. I’m afraid if you stop being his friend things are going to go bad real fast like restraining order may need to be in effect. He is a pushy person and you have a family to worry about. He even sounds like the type to stalk so just be careful. Your so called friend ain’t the type of friend you think he is. That’s just my opinion.
The friend has to go. You just need to tell him I’m married and this hanging out thing does not need to be happening. I have my family and that’s what is most important.
Are you sure you don’t have some feelings for him? It is best to cut ties.
This whole post is confusing but what I gather from it is you have a guy friend that you know likes you more than a friend but you continue to hang out with him and if I was your husband I’d be pissed and I wouldn’t be sticking around for any of that…
Honey he’s only friends with you because that’s all you will let it be. He’s trying to drive a wedge into your marriage whether you see it that way or not and he doesn’t understand his lane. And if he can’t respect your boundaries or feelings or anything then he doesn’t need a title or place in your life as anything. And your husband probably only works on your shift because of said dude, had you not made him feel replaceable or have to fight for you time and attention and jealous over this guy he wouldn’t be so far up your ass. Just my thoughts from the outside at the end of the day it’s your life and your choice but you’re gonna lose your husband that way.
You’re a married woman with children. It’s ok to have male and female friends. But not on this level. You’re playing with fire!
You should feel bad for hurting your husband’s feelings not your friends.
Too bad that’s not the question, she doesn’t feel smothered by her husband, she feels smothered by her friend.
I think he wants quality time. When you’re working it’s a different energy for sure, and at home it’s different
It is time to be honest with your friend period. Very blunt and to the point. If he can’t take it he was never your friend and was just waiting to sleep with you. Tell him to knock it off and back off. You have a husband, a family and are pregnant.
Ma’am you shoulda been cut that friendship off! He doesn’t respect boundaries.
How would feel if your husband entertained a female like this?
How is this your husband smothering you because he doesn’t like to be around a guy with the hots for his wife?
Seriously? If he was your friend he would respect boundaries and not be a pushy freak and if you love and respect your husband you should tell this guy straight up to knock it off or you will stop talking to him this is nuts to even try to work around his feelings I’d be pissed off if I was your husband
While you keep saying “he’s your friend” he wants more and you’re disrespecting your husband by hanging out with him knowing he wants more.
Wait? You’re smothered by your friend or husband? I’m lost…
Sophie Campbell is this for real?
You’re disrespecting your husband. Straight up.
Is it the husband
Or the boyfriend
I’d tell both “back off and leave me be”
Under no certain terms would I continue the relationship with this coworker…I’m shocked your husband tolerates this behavior…seriously what’s truly important to you your husband or this clingy coworker
Umm, what?! Why would you continue the friendship knowing his true feelings? #messy
Ummm my husband would never allow that and as a married woman I certainly wouldn’t be hanging around someone who had a crush on me.
Wow you have time to hang out with friends with 2 kids and one on the way. Girl just stop answering the calls all my friends know that I’m to busy they stopped calling me lol so now I have no friends except on FB and 2 or 4 that live the same way I do always on the go so we just keep in touch over the phone I don’t think he understands because he probably doesn’t have a family.
Be straight with him. If it comes down to it, end the friendship if he refuses to accept no as an answer
He should back off. Friendships, with other males if you are married, would need to be with their date or their spouse. He’s expecting too much. Be honest. You are committed to your marriage and vows. You have children.
This " friend " is in love with you. That is why your husband is uncomfortable. When my kids were little I didn’t have time for friends most understand that. This is the season of life you are in. The friend needs to back off. You need to fo d time for yourself. Rrspect your marriage. Your friend doesn’t.
This is not a real problem unless you have no ability to think for yourself or you also have feelings for the friends and won’t admit it.
She’s keeping that man around as a back up.
You feel smothered by both? You seem messy.
Id be pissed if i was your man.
Is the husband the coworker who knows you have no interest in him? And you want space from your husband/illicit coworker lover?
I’m so lost, but this seems like a confused role play scenario
I’m confused… you say your husband is clingy in the top of the story but in your information say this friend? 1) you have to realize your not in high school anymore. 2) you have to maintain a healthy balance for yourself and friends as well and this is clearly not healthy. 3) your friend needs to respect boundaries and is clearly not because he has more feelings then a friend should… and that’s just the bottom line of it. 4) it’s disrespectful to your husband not necessarily coming from your but coming from this friend. 5) this is a big storm brewing and your husband is going to end up getting enough fill with the entire situation and then your going to be put in a predicament your not going to like. 6) my best advice is to sit down with your husband have a discussion with him about everything, then sit down with your friend and tell him look this is how it’s going to be from this point forward especially now that I have 3 kids to care for, and if he can’t respect your boundaries and terms then you just need to cut it as a loss… what’s more important maintaining a relationship with a very pushy clingy guy who you want to keep in the friend zone or raising 3 kids by yourself?
I’m sorry but as a married person I’d not be ok with that and my guy wouldn’t be ok with that
Girl. Reread your entire question. You’ll answer yourself.
And let that other man go and put your husband and kids first!!
Definitely not your best friend. Keep slowly putting distance between you and get some better friends.
What Lauren said blood is thicker then water!
As uncomfortable as a talk with your friend may be, you still need to do it. You aren’t doing anyone any favors by putting it off. Just let him know you have other priorities right now with your pregnancy health & family. Be honest with how you’re feeling smothered by him and don’t view him as any more than a friend. He won’t like it, but hopefully he’ll get it & back off. Best wishes to you & your pregnancy!
Your marriage and family comes first
Smothered by your husband? Did you mean your “friend”?
This reads very strange.
You feel smothered by your husband? But your question mentions a friend/coworker that has a crush on you and wants to hang out all the time? And you allow this?
But the problem is your husband?
First of all, if someone knows you are marred, with children, and pregnant… and still is pursuing you, why are you allowing this? Have some respect for your husband, marriage and yourself. There is no way you should have any contacts with this person at all outside of work and id go as far to say that if they continued, I’d go to HR and ask for different shifts.
Second, its common to feel smothered sometime by our partners but having a talk and setting healthy boundaries can work wonders. Be clear. You just need a bit of “you time”. Most couples can get space by going to work but in your case that’s impossible. Just talk about it.
I understood nothing!
Who’s baby are you carrying?
Sounds like you don’t want to give up the attention you’re getting from that work crush. The answer is easy but you’re literally going out of your way to ignore it. PUT YOUR HUSBAND AND CHILDREN FIRST AND TELL THAT DUDE TO F OFF
ur post doesn’t make sense on who is doing the smothering unless ur friend , bff, and hubby r smothering u.
But besides that confusion… why r u entertaining that guy friend friendship??? He wants to be more than friends. U r married. Your hubby took the same shift as u to protect his relationship with u! Why can’t u see that?
If this story was turned the other way and ur hubby worked with some women that’s obsessed with him trying to go out with him one on one…everyone would explode with rage. So ur dumb for not seeing it and selfish.
Preggers life doesn’t allow for much free time Becuz of always feeling tired. If people can’t get that then that’s on them.
Hubby and u working together is not working out for u. Switch jobs or shifts and stop being that guy’s friend. U will get ur life back to normal. Again, the only reason ur hubby took that same shift is to protect what’s his. He probably doesn’t have space either but he’s dealing with it. It’s u.
This is some jerry springer stuff
I have ended these type of “Friendship” with Males and Females. It will end up being a Straw on Your Camel’s Back.
This is gross actually.
You can always find a new friend and I would advise a female friend at best.
Your story is very confusing but Family 1st.Actually it’s Jesus 1st,yourself last and others ( family, friends, in between…Best of Luck.
Husband or friend … little weird wording here.
End the friendship your marriage and family are more important. Obviously you don’t feel that way otherwise you would have cut your friend off
You need to tell that friend to kick rocks, why are you even keeping a guy around as a friend that is interested in you? That seems immature and is only hurting him, guys seem to think if you keep them around they still have a chance. Have respect for that dude and let him go fully, end the friendship, otherwise he will always think he has a chance.
Maybe she is smothered by her husband but puts it off on her friend. She probably feels trapped in the marriage, secretly wants to hang with so called friend.
Sooo is this about your hubby or friend? This story is confusing just like your issue, Girl bye:roll_eyes: it seems you already know what you’re doing since you got 2 guys clinging to you:woman_facepalming:t2: this screams hot mess:joy:
I would say he is trying to cause problems between you and your husband, then he will be there to swoop in when you need consoling and hopes for a relationship with you. Break this friendship off. How would you feel if your husband had a female best friend the same as he is to you. Let it go!! Concentrate on your husband, you & your kids.
I think someone misunderstood the content and got the heading wrong. She’s smothered by her friend, not husband.
Your story doesn’t make any sense…
Confused on whose whose in this scenario But your disrespecting your husband by continually keeping up with a “Friend” whose constantly making advances at you, but your husband is the problem? Your the problem in your marriage to start. Your friend is not your friend, he doesn’t respect you or your marriage so get rid of your not friend-friend & be a wife. If your husband switching shifts is an issue did it ever dawn on you that maybe he did because he thinks your cheating? Your keeping another man around whose making advances at you so what else is he suppose to think? Start thinking like a wife & mother.
You say how to not be smothered by your husband, as the heading. While telling the situation you speak about this guy friend, and just mention you work on the same shift with your husband. Nothing else is said about him, at least I don’t think so lol
I think you need to have a talk with your friend. Explain it to him just like you explained it above. He should get the hint.
So that friendship is clearly toxic and he’s probably only sticking around because he believes he’s “the nice guy” waiting for your relationship to fall apart so he can jump in. Your husband sees that and is most likely trying to stick closer so you don’t lose interest and hangout with this dude that’s trying to sleep with you. I think it’s kind of weird you’d want a friend that wants to date you when you’re married, and if roles were reversed how would you feel about a women being friends with him that’s had a crush on him for years and he’s had to reinforce multiple times that he’s married. You probably wouldn’t want him to be around her because that would be weird. No matter how much you might deny that to yourself I guarantee you’d feel that way.
Your husband and your family come first. If you work with your husband that’s work that’s not being intimate with him and Maybe that’s what he’s looking for or he could be feeling insecure because of your guy friend. Just sit down and talk . If your husband friend can’t respect your boundaries and stop making passes at you then he’s not a friend and you need to end the friendship.
Respect for your husband should come first.
Your post doesn’t make sense. Smothered by your husband or your friend?.
First of all, you’re not a good person for entertaining the relationship between you and your friend. Knowing damn well he had a crush on you. That is disrespecting your husband. He work the same shift as yours to protect his marriage and here you are still finding time to go out with your friend. Would you let your husband do that?. Let him go out with out with a female friend. He changed his shift because he know something is going on. And you’re dump enough to still be friends with the guy. I won’t be surprise if your husband will leave you. You sounds arrogant and selfish
He’s acting like he’s the one dating you. You need to be clear and hurt those feelings and if he can’t respect your space and family time and the fact that you have a busy life and can’t just take time out to hang out with him like a couple of teenagers, then you need to cut him off completely! First off, he sounds kinda toxic and obviously obsessed. It honestly sounds like he’s holding onto the hope that you will change your mind and something will happen between the two of you. Sometimes people don’t give up that hope unless you cut them off completely. Just rip the bandaid off already! The sooner the better. Best of luck!
He better get past it… you are about to have #3. Life changes alot when you have #3. Very little time.
And you shouldn’t. If he was really your friend he would understand and stop persisting. A friend would also understand your married, have kids and your pregnant. It seems a little weird that you’re even entertaining him tbh. Not because he’s a guy, I have mostly male friends, but bc it sounds pretty obvious the only reason he’s friends with you.
As a wife, I could never hold on to a friendship that made my husband uncomfortable. I could also never continue a friendship with someone who expected me to neglect my husband so I could spend time with them. This man is in love with you and you are dangling him along by entertaining his friendship. Set clear boundaries.
Think about it like this. If your husband had a female friend who was overly attracted to him and she called and complained about him not seeing her enough, would you be okay with it ? Would you be okay with him spending time alone with her at all?
I am not one to say you can’t have friends of the opposite sex; I have a few male friends. However, there has to be boundaries and mutual respect. The friend has to respect your marriage and stop trying to insert himself into a place of importance over your spouse and family. Period.
So really, you probably need to cut ties with this friend
Shouldn’t be that difficult to cut him completely off
Headline doesn’t even match the article lol giiirl that ain’t no friend, that’s something that’s gonna end badly if you don’t cut it off NOW
Dude sounds unstable and obsessed. You can’t be friends with people that don’t respect your boundaries. Do not be alone with this guy
The other guy hanging around when you know he has interest in you doesn’t seem super respectful to your husband. My husband and I don’t hang out with the opposite sex by ourselves. Seems like it’s just asking for trouble. I feel bad for your husband in this one.
If he’s a friend then he wouldn’t put you in this position. There’s obviously no respect for your marriage… if you don’t get rid if him it’s on you…
I think you need to edit your comment. Husband/Friend, Friend/Husband…who is doing what. Your married with kids and one on the way. I think you’re liking the attention that will eventually tear apart your family. Friend is a nat buzzing in your ear… drop that friendship before your husband drops your marriage.
Be direct, but gentle.
ie: “I appreciate you wanting to hang out, I’ll let you know when I’m up to it or can & maybe we can go from there. My life & family takes most of my energy & tho I love it & wouldn’t change a thing, I’m tired. Tired all the time. Thank you so much for understanding.”
I’m sorry but you have no respect for your husband! You cannot have a friendship like that and have a healthy marriage. Your husband should come first before your toxic friendship with him
So… couple thoughts. You have a “best friend” at work who is a male that has a crush on you though his really clingy and you try to distance yourself from him but keep the friendship alive… makes zero sense because if you cared about your marriage and this person who clearly wants to be with you even though your married and have two kids and is currently pregnant… you’d cut off the “friend” it’s just disrespectful to keep that going. Hanging out with said “friend” out of work is also disrespectful to your marriage and that man because you give him false hope by continuing. I’d be asking all sorts of questions too if I was your husband because that just don’t add up. Your husband switched shifts and y’all are on the same shift now… well yeah? He probably is on the same shift because he’s trying to protect y’all’s marriage because you’re not doing it yourself. Also said friend asking all the time to hangout and you feel smothered but you’re not cutting off the friendship that’s disrespecting your marriage…. Like something here doesn’t make sense honestly. That “friend” likes you and is pushing to hangout all the time because he’s pursuing you. So either ruin your marriage or cut off the friend. And he’s not even a real friend. Isn’t respecting boundaries and is clearly pursing you though your married. Pregnant. With two other kids at home. Which is it that you want? Your friend or your family? Are you keeping said “friend” around for if/when your marriage crumbles? If I was your husband that would be a no go. Eventually your husband will get fed up with it and make you choose because your allowing another man to disrespect your husband and you and your family. I just am so confused honestly. Why is this a question?
Grow a set and tell the friend bye. He’s going to ruin your marriage!! And you’re willing to let him bc he’s your friend and you don’t want to hurt his feelings?
There are some people who can’t separate their feelings from reality. For these people, saying you’re not interested isn’t enough; anytime you engage with them, they read into it. Every time you hang out with this friend, he thinks he’s got a shot, no matter how innocent the interaction or how often you try to set the record straight.
This is a friendship that you have to end if you want him to move on.
I’m a bit confused about your situation, but here’s how I view it. You always put your spouse and children first. I can see wanting some“me” time, but hanging out with someone who’s not your spouse and obviously has feelings for you isn’t good. You need to cut ties with this so called friend and concentrate on your family more. This friend will eventually drive a wedge between you and your spouse. Sounds like you need to grow up a bit as well and have more respect for your husband and marriage.
Is said friend gay? Because if not, bless you for having a husband that tolerant. I would sit back and think if you’d rather have your husband and your marriage/family intact, or a clingy male best friend. The decision would be easy for me🤷♀️
We don’t keep men that think they’re on the bench around in our lives while respecting our marriages. It just doesn’t work
So… your headline says you feel smothered by your husband, but your post says you feel smothered by your friend/co-worker. Which is it?
Honestly, if this co-worker has hit on you, knowing that you’re married and pregnant, he needs to be cut off. That’s not a friend. He clearly doesn’t respect boundaries and your husband is justified in not liking him.
Your husband and your family are your priority. Not a co-worker/friend who doesn’t seem to know or care when he’s crossing lines.
You did this to you.
Get rid of him if you want your husband no brainer!!! Silly girl
Ok wait whose clingy? Before someone comes at me I read it, 5x to be exact. Make it make sense
Why are you hanging out or friends with a man the refuses to expect the fact your happily married and not interested Him?
your husband should be your best friend. Smh,
It’s disrespectful to your partner to continue being friends with a man who actively tells you he wants you.
I’m sorry but this is all on you. Once the friend made his feelings clear, you as a wife should have ceased to prioritize that relationship. I’m not saying drop him as a friend completely, but the very last thing you should be doing is spending time with this person one-on-one, surely leading them on whether it’s intentional or not. Especially if this person feels comfortable enough to complain to you a pregnant married woman that you are not spending enough one-on-one time with him he definitely thinks this is more than what you think it is and you don’t seem to be doing much to clarify it with him. So of course the husband feels some type of way about the friend.
Your headline is weird I think, maybe you mixed something up, but I’d it’s your husband you feel suffocated by in this situation, I would step back and reevaluate how you feel about that relationship. If you mistyped and it’s the friend who’s suffocating you, you need to try way harder to make the relationship intentions clear, if that’s doesn’t help, and dude can’t respect boundaries, which he clearly isn’t rn, he needs to go.
You need to decide how important this “friendship” is compared to your marriage.
There’s no healthy way to have a friendship with a man who has a crush on you. I honestly think you need to cut ties with him indefinitely. Maybe even find a new job or work in a different department.
Girl get your priorities straight,1st your post reads…“I feel smothered by my husband.”,but yet your husband is only mentioned as just that and he’s now on the same shift as you. 2nd,shouldn’t be no guy friend all up on you and you feeling guilty for not hanging with him. Guy friend can just walk out while you’re saying bye,your husband and kids should be 1st. You’re eating up the guy friends attention while trying to be a mom and wife,can’t have your cake and eat it to hun,ya gotta prioritize your life.
Uhhhh…sounds like your guy friend means more to you than your HUSBAND? WTF?
I couldn’t work with my husband and then go home and be there with him too. Each partner needs some time to themselves
I think the lead question was written wrong here… the way I read it its her friend she feels smothered by and is asking advice about, not her husband…
Whyyy are u disrespecting your husband by hanging out with someone that has feelings for you is my question?? Would u be ok if he did that to you? Seems to me you like the attention….
Why are you getting together with someone you know has a thing for you?
He’s probably stressed out because you’re friends with someone who has feelings for you. End the friendship.
You do not owe him anything !! If he doesn’t understand, too bad ! STOP spending any time with him AT ALL !! Get a backbone !!!
You need to take care of yourself right now, and he needs to understand that…
Uhm… You’re married. Get rid of the clingy wannabe boyfriend guy friend, lol.
Between a clingy friend or your family, a good person will always choose their family.