If he’s claiming he’s going to harm himself just so you’ll stay: RED FLAG 
My child’s father has done the same thing a dozen times when I found out he slept with other women just to make sure I did what HE wanted.
If you want to leave, leave. Walk out the door and ignore him. Wether you’re leaving for a few days, or for good, don’t let him make decisions for you!
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Cheated on you one week before he proposed. Got married and now have kids. Been over 2 yrs now since then. Does he show you that he’s committed to only you and children? If so then why let something so long ago affect you now? He probably wanted one last fling before marriage. Some men do make a positive Change. Are you currently happy being with him or is this your excuse to take kids and move back to your country? Comes clear that you don’t trust him if you sneak into his phone to find out about something that happened years ago. So how about becoming real with yourself. What’s in it for you? You said you left your home family savings and everything for him. No one is perfect but I do believe after so long that your husband clearly loves you. After all he chose you to marry him. He chose you to be the mother of his children… take time to give yourself a reality check and be honest with yourself
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Threatening to harm himself to guilt you into staying is not sign of a healthy person- more Narcissistic
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If he isn’t cheating now and hasn’t cheated since years before …Shit happens, if you love him don’t look in the rear view mirror! JMO
Threatening to harm himself to keep you around is gaslighting, abuse, narcissism, and literally manipulative in general. RUN AS FAST AS YOU FUCKIN CAN
Leave him… if he harms himself that’s on him not u. I swear these kind of men make me sick… why are the messages still there though… I’m sure he still cheating… get away from that toxic relationship… he doesn’t even want to give u the space to process the info and heal from the pain… like u should just forget it but if it was u doing… u would have sworn his mother died… some men just good to throw in garbage…
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Now you know that’s he’s not 
loyalist to you so make a good decision…
Well you take your child and leave a few days. He’s a narcissist. If he’s gonna hurt himself, well let him do it but Honestly he just blowing smoke. It’s a scare tactic to get u to stay and do what he wants. Been there done that. If he thinks it shouldn’t be a big deal I guess you have a right to cheat on him and it wouldn’t be a big deal right? If he loves you and asked you to marry him one week after he did that knowing he was going to ask you to marry him then I definitely would file for divorce. It seems like he wants to have his cake and eat it too and he feels no sympathy for what he did to you and very well could be doing it again and you not even know. Everyone may have different opinions on this but honestly I have been there and done that
He’s being emotionally manipulative. Maybe this is mean of me to say but I would’ve took my son and left to take the time I needed. Sorry, not sorry. 
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That’s toxic that’s not ok for him to blame you at all seek counseling if he won’t go then leave
Leave him. Him threatening suicide is the sign you needed.
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Wow… For me, if I knew that I would’ve never said yes to get married do your whole life could’ve been different and that’s something you have to decide if you can forgive and move on from. Give how has your marriage been and relationship since then, do you want to walk away? Either one you’re not wrong for what you choose to do.
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Threatening self harm over him being caught doing wrong is manipulation and controlling. DONT GO DOWN THAT RABBIT HOLE! You deserve better, you should leave asap before he turns abusive to you when that doesn’t work.
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I think it all goes back to why you were looking through his phone? Are you happy in your relationship? Do you feel respected, loved, appreciated? Are there any other red flags? It seems like you were really digging for info to find a text from that long ago (not shaming you at all for this, as I get how it feels to be in a terrible relationship where you feel like you need to snoop) but the question is, if you felt the need to do all that digging is the relationship really
Giving you what you need? Good luck and I’m so sorry you had to find those texts and have this experience, you deserve so much better!
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Threatening to harm himself is an act of control. He is manipulating you. Take the few days the think and decide what you want to do.
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Your feelings matter 
Don’t let him make you feel guilty for his mistakes. If you wanna leave, then leave. And who knows, he might still be a cheater 
Threatening to harm himself is abuse! He’s using that to control you. Don’t let him!
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My ex did the same thing to me when I tried to leave. Sent me pictures of him after “cutting himself” telling me he’s bleeding out lmao and two years later he’s very much fine. I’d call his bluff and leave his childish ass
First and foremost - tell him if he’s gonna hurt himself then do it, but you’re going regardless. If you NEED space then do it! Second, you guys were together - marriage (which is just a stupid piece of paper) doesn’t change anything. You still made a choice to do what he did and then hide it from you. Third he didn’t apologize - just expected you to be cool with it since it was a while ago. Fuck that. This is fresh for you, it still fucking hurts. Cheating ruins the other persons self esteem, at least when I was cheated on it ruined myself esteem. I almost killed myself. Leave, go do you for a little bit. Even if that’s a few days or couple weeks. Meet people, make friends, talk to other guys and get their opinions. Make a choice after that if you really want to be with him.
If this was your baby going through this what advice would you give her? And that would be your answer right there fellow your heart and trust it. Good luck and I’m praying for your family.
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You’re feelings are justified no matter how long ago he betrayed you. The most vile humans will threaten self harm to get their partner to stay. If you want to leave… pack your bags running.
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Let it go or it will destroy what you built and are building together. Seems crazy but at least he admitted to it and has been faithful to your knowledge after marriage since you probably been digging deeper lately don’t keep bringing it up because it will ruin your relationship. Tye threatening to harm himself tells me he really does want you and is happy and doesn’t want to start over looking for another woman if he did care he would most likely just let you go.
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I’m more shocked he kept the messages that long.
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Threatening to harm himself over this is just manipulation
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Take your kids and get tf out of there.
Would you have gotten married having known he cheated on you? Probably not. Your last two years would have been completely different. It was a shitty thing to do and even shittier trying to sweep your feelings regarding it under the rug.
Also, threading to harm himself is absolutely not okay. He got caught and now he’s trying to control you. This is absolutely not okay. And I am willing to bet he isn’t the nicest guy around. He probably knows that you’re pretty isolated with moving from your country, and thinks he can keep you by going to the extreme.
You really need to get out of there ASAP. You do not deserve any of that. It is not your fault. Staying with him would be a huge mistake for you and your kids.
Let him tell you why you have kids and that was a long time ago
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Him threatening to harm himself is an emotional manipulation tactic. This is a HUGE warning sign for the future ahead. LEAVE before someone gets hurt.
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If you are married and have kids I think you should give him another chance to save your relationship. It truly would hurt to find out his infidelity years ago. But in marriage you promise to weather the storm that comes with it. Is he loyal to you right now:question:Are you happy with him right now:question:If yes then stay and give it another try. Dont let the mistake of the past ruin your marriage and the future of your kids to have their father beside them. 
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I did the exact same thing for my husband, move from my country, left a good job, friends/fam and use all my saving so we could make it work here so i understand all you would have to do to go back with the kids and all if you leave him BUT knowing that you did all this for him and him cheating on you that so disrespectful and selfish!! It would be a hard time but i would probably leave. Thats one time that he cheated that you’re aware of, how do you know it only happen once since you are together 
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What were you doing nosing through his phone? A disgraceful invasion of privacy (but something women routinely excuse themselves for). So, he texted a woman BEFORE HE ASKED you to marry. Big deal. Relax. Chill. Count your blessings, and apologize for being so damned nosy.
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I was going to say… try working through it and maybe some couples counseling??
But read the last part when he threatened to harm himself… That changed my mind… he’s a control freak… And you need to take your babies and RUN
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Some of the responses on this thread are disgusting and shocking. Has something like this ever happened to YOU? Would you feel just as crushed if you found this out about YOUR own man? I guarantee it. He made this poor woman believe she was the one and only one he wanted WHICH IS WHY SHE AGREED TO MARRY HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE. In other words, she married someone under false pretenses and I’m sorry but that is the lowest of low that any man can get in trying to get what he wants without paying the price. Therefore, I don’t think it’s very surprising that she is now questioning everything she and this man ever stood for and everything he made her believe about who he was. He lied. Bottom line. End of story. Just because a certain amount of time has passed does NOT release him, and shouldn’t release ANYONE from the consequences of such an act.
Ma’am, my advice would be to first decide whether or not you would be willing to even attempt to forgive him for such a thing. If you think you can or want to try, then marriage counseling from a professional will not only be a vital part of the healing process, but it will also help you to decide further whether there is anything left to salvage between the two of you. Be careful with this man’s guilt trips and “plans to hurt himself” if you leave. He’s gaslighting you so you will stay and that is a HUGE red flag. I’m not totally sure you know this man inside and out like you thought you did, therefore, I can not only see your inner dilemma, but I can understand your pain in all of this. How awful it would be to think your husband was a truthful, faithful being only to find out the opposite years later because he wasn’t actually man enough to come clean in the first place. I’m gonna be thinking of you and hoping that no matter what decision you make, it is the right one for you and your family. Much love and hugs mama❤
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I’d leave and move back home fuck him
Umm yea you take that time infact I totally suggest leaving and making it permanent! I would tell him if he hurts himself that’s on him not you. That would infuriate me more someone threatening to hurt themselves if I don’t do what they want… that’s emotional abuse. Eww I’d be worried being around someone so mentally unstable. Get your kid and yourself to a stable safe place quick.
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He’s manipulative asf first off. It’s not your responsibility to worry as to whether he will harm himself and I doubt he will. He’s using it as a tool to manipulate you into staying with him unless he’s had suicidal tendencies before. Personally I would also leave and take some time to think things over because that’s a huge betrayal
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So he got busted being a cheater. Then threatens to harm himself cause he hurt you?! Very controling and manipulating… do what u need to do to be happy. If u dont think u can work threw this dont entertain the idea. Dont hurt ur mental state trying to please someone so vile…
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You have every right to be upset and hurt. It might help seeing counselor
Thus one hits a little too close to home lol 
So…flip it on him. Ask him how he would feel if you cheated and you kept it a secret. The secret is worse than the cheating when you’re lying for that long. You have every right to be upset. Don’t let him take that away from you. He is trying to control and manipulate you with the suicide threat. Dont fall for it. Call his bluff. If his reaction was, “it was a long time ago,” That’s bullshit. There wasn’t an excuse then, and there sure as hell isn’t an excuse now. He never expected to get caught. You dont do that to someone you love. You dont diminish their feelings. You dont extort their feelings to keep them under your thumb. This is truly disgusting manipulative behavior. You deserve better. Your children deserve better. He needs to step up and own his shitty behavior. If he doesnt, dump him and go home to your family. No sense in staying with someone who preys on your emotions to get what he wants. Hes not a man. A man would own up to what he did and do everything in his power to make it right. If he’s not doing that, he’s not sorry and couldn’t care less.
I honestly can’t handle some of these responses. Ladies Abuse comes in all forms. This abuse!
- let’s discuss the very ending of this post… If you do not do exactly what I say I will harm myself… That’s emotional abuse and coercive control. He is manipulating you and using your feelings for him. You are are willing to stay to protect him and your kids and he knows that. It’s disgusting and not fair to you and your kids. Do not let him do that to you. 2) let’s talk about the fact that he is pushing away your feelings and not allowing you to feel. He did something wrong and he knows it. You have every right to feel that. If you need to leave take those babies and leave!
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If hes threatening to harm himself… Thats manipulation and a huge red flag. Id explain to him if he wants ANY chance on fixing what he broke with no regard to your feelings he better check his feelings and let you have time to think or else you will just end it now and will make sure to call the hospital and have him placed on suicide watch, which can harm his chances on having equal custody.
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I was thinking maybe you guys could work through this…get some counseling, talk it out, as long as he’s not cheating on you anymore. But I don’t like that when you tried to leave for a few days he threatened to harm himself. That’s a big red flag and it scares me. He’s trying to manipulate you into staying with him.
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Counseling is gonna be the best start. But he’s definitely manipulating you. Be careful. That’s a red flag. That and he cheated
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I’ve been in a relationship where they threatened to harm themselves as well. Get out now. Get him help. Never let somone hold that over your head. That is manipulation at its damn fucking finest👍 you deserve so much better than that!
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Him threatening to harm himself is toxic and absolutely not okay. HE chose to cheat, regardless of whether it was years ago or today, it’s not okay. Leave.
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Hes so toxic and narcissistic
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Try counseling first. Kids are involved,so it isnt just about you. However,him threatening to harm hinself is being controlling. You both need to talk it out with a professional. If he isnt cheating now and being a good husband and dad,then it is best to put the past in the past and move forward.
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I would leave girl! He’s trying to manipulate the situation by threatening to harm himself… get as far away as possible… he did the crime now its time to face the consequences…if you stay you’re basically telling him that what he did is acceptable and it most certainly isn’t no matter how much time has passed.
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Once a CHEAT, ALWAYS A CHEAT!!!
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Call his ! bluff! Hes trying tocontrol you
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Take your son and leave. No real accountability on top of emotional manipulation of self harm to force you to stay. He has shown you who he is, believe him!
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something similar happened to me too but we married like 7 yrs later. He had wrote a girl a letter saying how he wanted to have sex but he was having a baby etc. he put the wrong address so it came back to me! He was always talking to ther girls and if i answered he said i was his sister… its old news now but it does still
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I’m more concerned with the fact that he threatened to harm himself. You should definitely look into getting away from that.
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The last part, let him then. Tf I can’t stand people threatening others with self harm. That’s his own choice, just like it was too cheat. He doesn’t owe you! What a cheap liar and manipulator.
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He told you you shouldn’t feel upset 
tell him don’t hurt yourself, let me do it. Lawyer up.
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You need to go now he will cheat every chance he gets and he will blame not there for him.you are young you can start new and find a good man but if you stay you will never trust him
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Wow. Manipulative much?! If you leaving will make him “harm himself” leave. See nothing happens. He’s just trying to control you and coerce you to stay with his toxic behavior. . Smfh.
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He’s manipulating you. I wouldn’t be able to stay. I would feel like it was all a lie and would not want to subject myself or my kids too all that.
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That’s manipulation at it’s finest. He’s saying that to keep you there. When he’s not home leave, take your babies with you. Leave a note saying you need a few days to think. When he comes home I bet he’ll regret what he did. Not to mention he won’t harm himself. Bet you he won’t.
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No, you should definitely be upset about that. Him telling you not to be upset “because it was years ago” is just manipulative and controlling.
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The fact that he doesn’t want to take any accountability and wants to act like what he done wasn’t a big deal at all is a red flag in itself. Threatening harm is his way of controlling you! Leave and don’t look back otherwise you will spend a lifetime wondering why you weren’t good enough. He sounds like a jerk.
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And he won’t hurt himself. That’s an abusive tactic he’s using to control you. People do it all the time.
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My heart feels for you. Giving up everything for him sucks but you need to leave.
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The first red flag here is the threat of self harm to keep you there. That’s abuse, and second you deserve to feel upset about it. How do you know he isnt still cheating if he did it then and hid it so well
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Leave him take your kids with you there plenty of good fish out there
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LISTEN, do not take advice from Facebook. Half the people miserable and alone. Everyone has flaws and make mistakes. You have to decide for YOURSELF what you want to do. Do you want to leave? Go then! Do you want to stay? Stay then! But the most important thing here is to communicate and try not to bring your children in to the situation. They don’t desurve poor parenting based of a grudge you have against their father of you do decide to leave! Also my advice if you stay…heal and don’t bring it up every day.
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Talk to him before you make that big decision it’s not easy to give up on everything specially when kids are involved
And also do you really want to give up on ur family for something what happened before you been there and married
No one have perfect marriage and perfect life don’t listen ppl listen your heart
Its so easy to tell someone what to do when they are not in ur shoes
Think about future give your self time but my advice is forgiveness
Maybe ur marriage gonna be more stronger after this
Just be honest open your heart and talk to him
Good luck!
And always remember FAMILY FIRST!!!
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Better stop Creepin in people stuff look and you will find.It’s over with now why break up your family now for what🤷. Go see a counselor
Your husband sounds like he is a narcissistic. If he is that weak to threaten with self harm he will always threaten it to get his own way. That I find even more worrying.
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Seriously…
What would you want him to do at this point they are married now. He can’t take it back. She never mentioned him doing anything else at all.
If he just let her leave how would that change what happened ?
Would that make him not toxic just a bad guy for just letting her leave?
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leave, bcz thats just what hes gonna do forever. he’s a controlling narcissist who sees u as something and not someone. please leave, if he harms himself thats his choice, u can’t “die” so he can live. i really would leave more bcz of the manipulation
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What is the best outcome getting divorced?
He threatened to harm himself that is abuse and manipulation, you should leave.
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Leave. He did it once, he’ll do it again, especially if he never had to be accountable for it. Pack your stuff and high tail it outta there. Oh and bring the kids with you.
There are red flags everywhere … so sorry… do what you think is right now that children are involved…
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Read the hole thing before making false assumptions about him or anyone.
#1 she found texts from 2 years ago before they got married.
#2 She confronted him and said she’s leaving.
#3 He said if she left he would harm
Those are the facts.
I’m assuming she stayed.
Help me understand why he’s a toxic man and a bad man that she could Never trust and should get divorced.
And is it possible to fix.
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He will hurt himself? Thats on manipulation. The fact someone can do that just once means he can do it again, did he? Maybe he didnt hes been faithful during the marriage but hasnt been truthful looked into your eyes and kept that hidden. Sorry youre going through that hard decision, id leave but to each their own. Think of your babies as well and no i dont mean stay with him for the babies but custody.
Threatening to harm himself if you leave red flag. Leave him. Focus on your children and yourself right now.
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We would be done in a heart beat. He cheated when you were together so that’s cheating. His reply is terrible he doesn’t care and he doesn’t care about you.
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Don’t let him scare you, he won’t hurt himself it’s all about control and that’s what he will do now.
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I think you should listen to heart. Because only you know how you feel and what you want to do.
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Run. Now. Him threatening to hurt himself if you leave is an attempt to control you. It will just get worse if you stay.
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Bluddy prick! Tell him thats his choice not yours or better yet ring police in front of him tell them he’s threatening suicide and watch how he reacts.Go on your own for as long as you need
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I wouldn’t have married mine if I knew he cheated before I married
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Look at last 2 years before making decisions
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Fuck that shit time for an upgrade 
He is a liar get rid of him no trust is a horrible thing to.live with
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Threatening to harm himself is not the response of a caring or stable individual. Before I read that, I was thinking it was “one last fling” before choosing you for sure. He lacks coping skills or empathy from the response he gave to your needing time to think. Gross!
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First of all, no one made you leave your country, your home, or give up your savings to be with him. If its a long distance relationship, he most likely didn’t know if it would last, as most don’t last. He now wants only you and the family both of you built together. This is the part where you need to learn to forgive and forget his past before you came into the picture as his wife. Move on, forgive, love each other a lot because you don’t know what can happen tomorrow. In this world today, anything bad can happen from mass shootings in a Wal-Mart to building collapsing. He didn’t cheat while you were married to him. Everyone has a social life, men can be friends with girls too. If they were not fooling a round while your his wife , don’t make a big deal out of nothing. Honestly like he said, she was nothing. Keep it that way !
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Before you leave just make sure you have all your and your kids documents apostille, make sure you take pictures of your house and how you leave it.
I am facing an international divorce, and its soo much that you need even if you plan to come back. If you have savings is very important.
I left everything for him as well and i was left with a huge debt and with 4 suitcases, 2 with my clothes and 2 with baby stuff mainly clothes, i have 2 girls. He doesn’t care i ruined my career for him. Be ready for him to became a person you wouldn’t recognize
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Leave for a few days
Let him know your pain
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If you would have known would you have still said yes? He stole that choice
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You are correct sir.
He’s gaslighting you. Leave now because he won’t change.
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I’d be gone however a lot of people have this happen the day before. It’s crazy ya know cold feet get a lot of people. Good luck you can either stay and get counseling or kick him to the trash he’d be gone if it was me.
He’s playing you. Get out
You are not responsible for his mental health. I’d ask him to get help with that comment then I’d GTFO. That type of comment is a snowball
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If you need a few days to yourself to think this over then you have them few days. He did this to you and he needs to man the hell up and owe a selfish decision he made. Yes it bloody matters who cares if it was in the past for him, for you you just found out it’s new and it’s fresh and you need to process that. I’m so sorry your going through this love best of luck 
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Girl go take a few days to yourself that man is not going to hurt himself. He is trying to see what he can get away with. Go take care of you! Even if that means you get up right now pack and go take a week! He needs to understand that this is new to u and it’s not ok.
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Blackmail, if he does something to himself after you leave. That’s on him. Has nothing to do with you. It’s all about control, he’s trying to over power you and guilt you… if he’s pulling these stops out already, Im thinking you should run. Its never gonna be the same again… be the strong one and walk away. Never stay with someone who’s trying to control you.
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