A few months ago . Right around Our son’s birthday, I caught my husband cheating… We had a few drinks a few nights before, and he called me another female name … so I went through his phone and seen it all. I’ve tried to forgive him. But I can’t. I tell him I let go, but it’s still in the back of my mind like it just happened. I’m always thinking about it secretly, hoping he’s not. The worst part is. … she’s not pretty. She’s nothing compared to any female I know. I confronted him about it the day after it happened and he had nothing to say except ‘why don’t you leave me if you know’ … He tells me how much he loves me. How much he needs me, but it doesn’t feel the same. It hurts the most because we’ve been trying to have another baby for a couple of years now and nothing. And he blames me for that too … I don’t know why I stay. It infuriates my soul, knowing he was with someone else the way he is with me. It hurts that it just had to be my son’s birthday, and it happened, and he blames me. It hurts… I really do. It makes me sick to my stomach, knowing the man I married could do this and not feel a thing about it.
Leave his ass one a cheater always a cheater
If you can’t trust him, leave!! My daughters father did that. He made me feel like I was the crazy one, but the whole time I was trying to fix our marriage, he was trying to tear it apart. Do what you have to do!!
He obviously doesnt care. Leave, you deserve better.
This is a form of gaslighting. It’s a form of abuse. He is making you the problem. When it is him. Please seek out all opinions. And options.
Your husband sounds like the classic narcissist!! You need to run while you can!
I’d leave. He cheated and will probably do it again. If he can’t respect you and your marriage, leave.
Leave him! He sounds callous af. For him to turn around and say ‘Why don’t you leave me if you know.’ Says to me he doesn’t give a shit whether your together or not. And for him to blame you for anything, from having an affair or your baby situation is disgusting. You deserve better, and your son deserves a better role model!
Maybe a temporary separation and try therapy but it sounds like u already know the answer it is hard to get trust back once its lost u may never look at him the same again
I think you have the answer already mama. You said it yourself that you can’t move on from this. People do sometimes work it out after affairs but they chose to let the affair go so to speak. The fact that he didn’t even say he was sorry and just asked why you don’t leave him is the part I can’t get over. He knew he hurt you and didn’t even apologize. It’s your relationship but I think you should move on to bigger and better things. Show your son what men are supposed to be (the truth will eventually come out). You deserve better. I’m sorry hun.
Looks don’t really have a whole lot to do with anything. If he wants sex with someone and she put out that’s that.
As far as you, divorce. You’re NEVER going to to be able to look at him the same, feel the same, be intimate the same, love him the same as you did before. You’re not going to ever get trust back, it’s always going to be in the back of your mind.
It’s hard now, but you are worth so much more. You deserve so much more.
First off you need to get over the looks. She’s not anything compared to who, you? Because I’m sure she’s beautiful to everyone she knows. So step off that high horse.
You either get over it or you leave. Maybe you ARE making him feel some type of way🤷🏻♀️ you don’t get to tell him his feelings aren’t valid just because he hurt you. You didn’t physically make him stick his dick but at the same time just from this post alone I can see why he would.
If they do it once, they’ll do it again!
I’m so so sorry you’re going through this. The only advice I have, is if you REALLY want to save your marriage - talk. And talk some more. He did this to YOU. He owes you answers, shitty explanations. Talk and talk and talk. If that doesn’t work, go to marriage counselling. I understand what you mean with her not even being attractive - I suppose it hurts even more than it would have if she was stunning. Then you could try and reason in your mind. I wish you all the luck in the world xx
I could work through A LOT in a marriage but cheating isn’t one of the things. And I wouldn’t stay if my husband had cheated on me.
Your best bet is leave he can only change if he has a desire to change and from reading this he has no shame or remorse for his actions. It’s hard trying to deal with people like that. Take care of you and your son those are the important people in your life.
If you want to save your marriage you’re going to need to heal yourself first. Kick him out while you work on your feelings. See a therapist to help you through the hurt and betrayal. And once you’ve started to heal have a good look at your marriage and make a decision on whether or not YOU want to save it. Remember this was not your fault, it was his failing. Best wishes xx
‘the worst part is she’s not pretty’?! maybe she has a better personality than you. not everyone is attracted to someone because of their looks. a lot of attraction is based off personality.
aside from that, if this jack-off makes you feel like shit and tells you to leave him anyways, then DO IT. you will be better off without someone that views you as disposable. it’ll be hard for a while but it will get easier but don’t try to stay where you’re unhappy.
Honestly? It won’t end. He now knows he fucked up, and you’re staying. That opens the door for him. He’s going to keep doing it. It might not be right now, but it will happen again eventually.
I know it’s not easy, especially with kids… but please seek help. See a therapist/counselor… This will destroy you mentally as a woman. It will torment your every thought, and now the trust is gone entirely. You need to realize your self-worth. Nobody ever deserves that, no matter what. <3
Even if you are able to forgive him… you’ll never forget it, and it’s torture
Therapy for you both. There could be other underlying issues on his part. In aot of cases it’s not emotional which is good. But if you plan to stay and make it work you both need counseling asap. I know everyones first thought is to leave. But there is usually a problem he may not even be aware of.
It’s NOT your fault HE cheated. Just my opinion if he is blaming you he is NOT sorry. He needs to take ownership of what he did. I personally could not nor did I stay. I would have never trusted him ever again. Also I did not want my daughter to think it’s ok for men to treat you like that. I also did not want my son growing up think it’s okay to treat women like that
I think you know what you need to do, but need to hear it from others. It’s ok to be scared. It’s fucking scary to start over. But teach your son that this shit is unacceptable. And break the cycle now. Good luck mama❤️
Run to the hills girl and dont look back. Cheaters don’t change
You’re not happy, you don’t trust him anymore and he doesn’t give two hoots! Leave, for your own sanity and happiness, leave! Not gonna lie, it’s not easy leaving and rebuilding yourself but in the end it’s worth it! So so worth it! You deserve better!
Once a cheater always a cheater. You deserve better
Therapy and if that fails move on.
Get out! Sad, but I would not tolerate it.
You need to pack your son’s and your things walk out and file for divorce.
You will never forget, things will never be the same , and if he did it once he will do it again . Make him move out and make him pay, his mistake , you should work on you! Better your life for your kids
It takes a lot of work and it’s never quite the same. His reaction will tell you what you need to know. Definitely look into marriage counseling if you stay… I’m so sorry the hurt is so unreal.
All I can say is, divorce. Go live your life without suspicions, so you can be happy, comfortable and content without all this going through your head, sure you’ll miss him, that’s just how it is though and give yourself space time and love and you’ll move on slowly, you deserve better.
You need to leave that piece of shit dog do not allow yourself to be tied to someone who disrespect you . Sweetie don’t let him manipulate you by saying it’s your fault for not having baby #2 someone who loves you doesn’t use those things against you
and he will do it again…you should leave him now and not let it eat you up
It’s hard to forgive. And u will never forget so the choice is ultimately yours and things will never be the same . They always cry about how much u mean to them after they have been caught! It will more then likely happen again and u will have trust issues
Give him a chance. IF it happens again, then I would say good bye.
I went through this and only you can determine what you will do. It’s so easy to say “leave him” but i do know how hard that is, especially if you love him. From my experience, he will do it again. And what always bothered me the most is how I looked like the fool while my now ex husband was doing things i didn’t even know about. Trust your gut is all i can say. And please reach out to me if you need someone to talk to. Hugs
Don’t give cheaters a second chance. They’ve likely done it before and almost certainly will do it again.
“Why don’t you leave me, if u know”… With a response like that… I would feel as if he doesn’t care he did it or got caught. He will continue to do it bc now he realizes you aren’t going anywhere, anyway. I am so sorry u are going through all this pain. I’d say work on it but for some reason I feel like the best advice for u is to say- walk away. Don’t let him make u feel like anything Is your fault. It will be hard but in the end u will be better off and proud of yourself. Don’t waste your life with someone who doesn’t appreciate it. Good Luck. I know you are in a rough spot.
Leave him, once the trust is broken so is the relationship .and with his attitude about it means he is going to do it again …and by not leaving that is telling him that he can do it again and you are not going to do anything about it especially after he challenge you about u leaving .time to put on them big girl panties and kick him out
Yall need some therapy. He clearly cheated bcuz of your guys fertility struggles… He probably feels inadequate bcuz he cant get you pregnant and is turning to blaming you and seeking validation from other women. Its wrong and hes a shit bag but therapy would help you both.
Ugh. You need to leave. It sucks. But you do.You’ll never forget it. You’ll never trust him.
And he didn’t even confess… you found out. Which only means he wasn’t really sorry and didn’t intend to stop.
He asked you why you’re staying with him, because even he knows that a self-respecting women would not stay with a cheating man.
She’s ugly- that is difficult. That makes the situation even worse for your confidence and ego.
Which also adds more to the trust issue… “if she’s a option for him, who isn’t?” And you’ll always be suspicious and that’s a horrible feeling.
He blames you?!?
He feels nothing?!?
You know you need to walk.
Only u know what u want …what makes u happy and feel complete. If you chose to stay even after he cheated…well that’s a hard pill to swallow but somehow u gotta try to make it work…remember it’s never to late to change yr mind either… life is too short to be unhappy.
It’s NOT your fault. His actions are exactly that, HIS. it speaks volumes to the character of his being. He is making excuses and blaming you when it’s all on him. I’d leave him. If he doesn’t feel ashamed or apologetic about it, he won’t change and he can sit there and say he loves you and needs you but his actions are saying the opposite. He needs you to handle the house and your child because he doesn’t want to be alone and have to handle all the responsibilities of being an adult on his own. I’d leave his pathetic butt and I definitely wouldn’t be trying toi have another child with him. People only treat you as bad as you allow them to. Are you gonna allow him to accuse you of causing his unfaithfulness? Do you want your child/ children to think that’s how a loving relationship works? If not, you need to leave and don’t look back. Not only did my ex cheat and try to blame me, he became physically abusive to me and I loaded up my kids and left without ever looking back. You deserve better.
Leave if that was his only reaction he’s not sorry and it will happen again
Take a break and see how you feel afterwards. Also it’s always the ugly ones… that’s why ugly friends can’t linger around too long neither smh.
That’s a No brainer…LEAVE HIS ASS!!!
Leave. Based on his reaction I would say he doesn’t respect you the way he should. You deserve more than this.
Pretty has nothing to do with it. It only makes it harder for us to accept when they aren’t! Bottom line is prettier than u is not why men cheat.
The best advice I would give would be to seek God seek His
Wisdom and seek His peace for you … if you and your husband truly love one another then try and work past this but don’t lie
To him and tell him that you have moved past it … tell him you are hurt you are angry you are sad you are all the things you should be bc he betrayed you and your son / your family by stepping out on his family to have a romp with another woman …
Don’t hide your feeling to pacify him bc he certainly did not stop worry about your feelings when he was be an adulteress.
I’m going to pray for you.
“I don’t know why I stay”,
sis, I don’t know why you do either.
You need to leave, you’ll never stop thinking of it and you’ll e d up hating him once you’re over it. He also doesn’t seem to care…
Why would you work on a marriage with a man that is incapable of love? Incapable of trusting? Focus on learning your value and move on. He has shown you who he is - and without remorse - believe him. Focus on forgiving yourself and protect your child from further trauma. Relationships require love, respect, desire and trust. If anyone of the four are missing - it’s a bust.
Leave. You don’t deserve that. I just went through this. Was with him for 12 year, have 3 kids. We split in March last year. And by October he was married. She’s not pretty, and I’ve had several people tell me that. Lol. He definitely down graded:joy:. But that’s ok. Because I am so much happier now, and I met an amazing guy, and I definitely upgraded.
You can do it! Your stronger then you think.
Whatever you decide to do, don’t bring another baby into it.
Even if you are one day able to forgive, you truly never forget. It’s impossible to look at them the same exact way as before. It’s the biggest betrayal your heart will ever feel. And little things that feel “off” will always leave you with suspicion in your mind. It’s absolute torture. That said I know it’s also hard to leave. Especially given the factors of children, jobs, etc. I can’t tell you what you should do, only your heart can do that. I can only tell you, it’s a pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone, it’s not your fault, and try not to blame yourself.
I know a few men who cheated on their wives with women who were not pretty or as decent as what they had. One such man appeared to have a great relationship with his wife and they never even argued she said. She was completely blindsided. He risked his marriage/family for a less attractive lady and he and his own wife weren’t even having problems. The other man that I know cheated with women who were downright ugly and trashy. I’ve often heard that a man can love his wife but that cheating isn’t about love. It’s just ‘something different.’
That’s no excuse of course. I’m sorry that you are going through that. No one deserves to be hurt that way.
One of the ladies that I mentioned above decided to stay with her husband regardless. They did separate for a while and did lots of marital counseling. Her husband moved back home and they seem to be doing well again. The other lady also stayed with her husband, even though he had cheated several times…with ugly and trashy women.
There’s a lot of reasons why these women/wives stay. Could be for financial reasons. Could also be just because they didn’t want to start over and permanently break up their family. It’s a very hard and personal decision. It’s so hard to trust them again after that though no matter what. If they do it once, will they do it again? If they were willing to risk their marriage for a woman who is not even as attractive or as good as what he had, that would make it even more difficult to trust him in my opinion.
I have no advice but I know this happens a lot. I’m sorry that you are dealing with this. Maybe try separating for a while and marriage counseling during the separation?
He’s not taking responsibility for what he has done so he may do it again. I hope this works out for you, do what you think is best for you and your child.
It’s unfortunate that men’s dicks and lack of control can take so much away from us mommas and we are willing to stay because we love them and family and so on and so forth… we give so many excuses for keeping the family and relationship in tact but meanwhile we are supposed to forgive and forget or just leave god I wish I could hurt them like they hurt me!!! Having me look stupid and unworthy… and yeah they will even cheat with death bed Betty if it’s a hike to out a dick in… sorry for my own rant but yeah been there soooooo many times and the only thing I have figured out is you learn to live with it just like he will have to live with you constantly being upset about it and untrusting or move on… both suck love and I’m sorry that any woman has to feel unworthy because of a man
As hard as it would be I would have to choose me and my child in this case. You’ll find your inner strength and do what’s best for you and your child. There are billions of people in the world you will find happiness within someone else…
It’s going to take time and a whole lot of patience to recover from this. Personally, you need to address the reason he felt the need to step out BUT the fact he called you by a different name says that this was probably not a fling.
See I’m two sided on this. I feel like if hes willing to try and you are too that it can change and workout. BUT change doesn’t happen over night, and you’re never just going to “forget”. So it brings me to are you willing to try? Or are you going ro constantly be spiteful and throw it in his face if/as he is trying? If you’re willing to try and to forgive give it a go… You can’t be mad at yourself for trying to remain in a marriage… But theres another side of me that says, he sounds like he made his choise and he doesnt care. It isnt your fault ypu havent become pregnant, and theres never ANY good excuse to cheat… He did. And it was wrong. Noone deserves that… But I do beleive people can change. It’s hard to say what to, or not to do… But ultimately when you make the decision tey to do it with a clear head… when were mad and upset we make decisions on cloudy minds. And that sometimes leads to regret. Best wishes!
Time for u to go on with your life with out him as a woman we never forget it can drive u crazy
Fuck his best friend or his brother. He doesn’t respect you. Time to let him feel some disrespect.
He’s just going to keep doing it, especially since you let him get away with it once, and he told you to leave him and he didn’t. He clearly doesn’t care
If you can’t honestly get over it and move on, then just end it. That’s the fair thing to do, for both of you.
You’d be best off leaving
He Sounds like a piece of shit! RUN!!
Unfortunately if he has that attitude, he will keep doing it.
For your heath and sanity I would leave. It will eat at you forever.
This man asked you to. Go!!!
I would leave! P.S. NEVER let a man make you feel inadequate about your ability to reproduce.
If he is blaming you for him cheating on you. Then i think you need to move on. He even asked you why dont you leave then. You should have left then.
Imagine if she was hotter you be 1000 more mad
If he tells you to “leave him alone since you know” then leave, because he doesnt even have the decency to appologize… id be pissed that thats all he had to say
I could not stay tried it didn’t work.
What sucks is ANY man is capable of this no matter what kind of life you have. It has nothing to do with you. If you don’t think you can move past it, then leave. Even if its just to scare him and make him appreciate you.
Trust is gone leave his ass
First. I will start by saying. None of this is your fault. I can completely understand how you are feeling. I had an ex who I caught cheating. How much as I wanted to work it out with him, I couldn’t. The thought of him with another woman haunted me. It was all I could think about. It ruined me because I allowed it. I became obsessed. Constantly checking his phone. Driving past her work when he was late coming home. I actually stayed with him but it didn’t last long. Once trust is broken - it’s over. Please save the time blaming yourself. This is not your fault. He is a insensitive asshole who doesn’t care about others feelings… good luck to you.
Here’s a question for you. Do you still truly love your husband? Like he’s the one you can’t live without him type of love. If not you have your answer if you do then still leave him. Your strong enough to not let this defeat you. You need to look at your self worth and ask yourself this why stay with a man you desperately love without trust.
It’s going to take time. I would suggest therapy and there are some good pod casts. Heading broken trusts and relationships uncomplicated are 2 that I’ve listened to.
And this is why he did , because u aren’t leaving and he can probably isn’t the first time surely won’t be the last
Sorry I’d done put his sorry but out. Right after he said why don’t you leave. I hope you don’t let yourself get pregnant again.
You need to be honest with yourself. Ask yourself is your relationship worth fighting for? If it truly and honestly is. Then it’s gonna take both of you to get on the same page. And work it out. If it’s not worth fighting for. Then let him go.
I gonna pray for you
You Got ThiS
Hope you make wise decisions
Remember this is only but a chapter of your life it’s not the whole story
Imagine all the other ugly girls you don’t know of 10000 more furious
I feel you if u was you as bad as it will hurt it’s probley best for you to leave him give him what he deserves and it’s not you cause u have been a faithful wife and he has not been faithful I recently got a divorce and my ex tried to blame me fir it how is it my fault when he is with someone else really . Don’t let him to continue to cheat on you you are better than that
Get rid things will never be the same
It would be hard enough to try and forgive someone who is truly sorry, but to forgive someone who isn’t sorry at all will be almost impossible. Mark my words, if he doesn’t feel bad, he will do it again. If it were me, I’d leave him. This is not your fault. Don’t let him make you feel responsible in any way.
He sounds like a coward who doesn’t have the guts to say that he doesn’t want to be in the marriage. Cheating on you and then saying “why dont you leave if you know?” I know it comes off as harsh but no one deserves to be treated like that.
Once a cheater always a cheater they say. The answer lies with you we can say what we think we would do but that’s all. Why did it happen at all was that the first time?? So many questions to ask. The person doing wrong most always blame’s the other person. He made the mistake he needs to own it. I would leave and attempt to work it out while separated this way if it does not work the hard part is over. Don’t be a door mat or a codependent. Don’t let his behavior be blamed on you. God bless you.
Leave , things will never be the same I promise
He blames You? Fuck him. He is the guilty one. He cheated. He doesn’t love you if he wants to play the blame game. He doesn’t sound remorseful. He sounds hateful and nasty.
Once a cheater always a cheater,they will make promises then once things get a little stressful they will do it again it’s a cycle
You need to leave him. You well always be thinking about it (her). You may forgive him but its never going to be the same. For your peace of mind you need to move on. Im sorry. I wish you the best. Stay strong.
Affairs are a symptom of a problem, usually they are not the soul problem. Perhaps, it has drawn more light to issues that pre existed that make it difficult to just move on. Identifying the actual issues might create resolution, instead of just focusing on the cheating like that’s the only issue.
The worst part is that she’s not pretty? Would it be ok if she was pretty??
Girl, pack your bags and your little one and leave, he don’t deserve you! & you clearly deserve so much better! It’s just gonna get worse and I know it sucks to hear that but hey I have there before and from experience it’s not gonna work, to much weather under the bridge now, your just gonna let your self drown in his bs and girl life’s got so much more to offer! Wish you the best of luck
leave it will never be the same again. Take it from the one who cheated. I had two affairs the last affair is now my current relationship. I was just looking for an out and a support system do I cheat now no. Never would I dream of hurting this man. I was stuck in a situation I didn’t want to be in with too many kids to get out. Now I’m out. I’m free it’s nice. I’m happy. But cheating happens cuz they are missing something. And looks have nothing to do with it. Just end it u won’t ever get over it and be happy you didn’t get pregnant
He’s looking for a way out
In the words of LETTERKENNY…“if he cheats it’s over, no exceptions”