Personally, I wouldn’t say a word. Screenshot all his texts and I’d file for divorce quietly and hand him the paperwork.
Keep in mind, you can be mad at her but he made the choice. She owes you nothing. He was responsible for ignoring her. But, if your state has “alienation of affection”, sue her too.
Personally, I wouldn’t say a word. Screenshot all his texts and I’d file for divorce quietly and hand him the paperwork.
Take pictures on ur phone of Infidelity and bin bag the bastard u deserve so much more whether ur bread winner or not hun. X
What advice would you give your very best friend, a person you love tremendously? That same advice is what you should take for yourself.
I will not bash your husband but sweetie if your gut is telling you this and you seen what seems to be the truth to your gut feeling take your beautiful children and your beautiful well educated self and walk away bc there is no forgiveness for cheating on you while you were carrying your child let alone any other time is there forgiveness for a deceitful heart. I always say “is this the way you want your children to treat the ones they fall in love with and would expect their spouses to let them do it to them without complaining or walking away” I can tell by your hurt your answer would definitely be NO so don’t stick around for your children to learn it. Good luck in whatever choice you make.
If you drop the plate on the ground and it shattered in 1 million pieces, you picked it up and glued it back, will it ever look the same? I don’t think so but if you can live with a shattered pieces - Then transparency needs to happen. He needs to be 100% honest with you and you with him. I never like to tell someone to walk because it’s not my heart nor my life. Don’t do anything hastily & don’t make decisions for at least three months.
So sorry you’re hurting.
You already know what to do.
You and your kiddos are going to be just fine.
Confront him ask him if he would like to get church counseling
Don’t do it in an manner your attacking him. He may have a sex addiction. He may need help
I know we all say to leave but it’s not that easy. First confront him, tell him what you saw. Tell him how it has made you feel and how disgusting he is for doing this to you. Who knows if he’s slept with her or someone else and potentially brought something home to you knowing you’re pregnant Selfish behaviour.
Once he knows how you feel, LEAVE!
It will be hard but be strong. You can do it. You’re the breadwinner so you don’t need him! Know your worth. Make a happier future for u and ur babies x
You are strong you are beautiful and you are women!! Run as fast as you can!! There are so many men out there why settle for someone that doesn’t even want you anymore! I’ve watched my father cheat on my mom all throughout their marriage of 47 years!! She doesn’t leave so he knows he can get away with it… I refuse to put myself or my sons through that!! Nobody deserves this! Always trust your gut!! And staying in the marriage for kids your kids an incredibly selfish act… Those poor kids deserve to be happy not be raised in a toxic environment like that! I’m so sorry you have to go through this hun!!
I’m so sorry. You deserve better.
I would save money in a separate account from him… maybe put in your oldest child name as a savings account so the lawyers can’t touch it… saying it’s marital money… I would also print out or at least save everything you can to prove he’s cheating or involved. Meditate… and learn to love you… and know your children don’t need to learn this is acceptable behavior to be treated or to treat a spouse. You have the support of all of us here… it may seem difficult… but it will be worth it in the end. You deserve better.
What an incredibly selfish man…im so sorry hes done that to you especially when pregnant, my best advice is get focused, get evidence of the betrayal, contact a lawyer to guide you in protecting you’re financials,i know you’re heartbroken and hoping he would change,he may say things,and or even show hes trying to improve to stay together when you confront him,but longterm you will not trust him,you will have such resentment towards him it will destroy you internally… protect yourself!!!
And once you heal,when you’re ready you will come to find theres love after love❤ he didn’t deserve you!!!
Ehh, I’m so sorry!
Try to get your ducks in a row before confronting him. Try to get a timeline together as best as possible.
You’re the breadwinner, which means you can easily kick him out and carry on.
If you want a toxic answer, and personally what I would do keep a list of where they meet up, and how often. If you have his phone password, you can download an app to track him. Or if he has snap, you can share his location with yourself. Then quietly confide in a friend who will watch your kids. While you show up to wherever he’s meeting her the look on his face should tell you everything you need to know!
Best of luck!
Get out hunnie. You’re an amazing mom who you said yourself is educated. Use that smart brain of yours and leave. You deserve so much more since you know your worth. Sending you healing vibes
So sad my dad did that with a friend of the family and his secretary. He also ignored my mom.
Kick his ass to the curb, you don’t deserve to be miss treated or lied too. Hugs girl, you know what to do💕
Unfortunately, You have to soul search and decide if the marriage is worth it. If you choose to Boot him out, make sure you are the plaintiff in the divorce. With you being the breadwinner if he files on you depending on the state you live in you may have to pay him alimony. If you are the plaintiff, you make the preemptive strike leaving him to defend himself. I would have taken screenshots and sent them to my phone, then deleted the evidence of sending them. Another thing you need to do is open another bank account and drain the one you have if he has access to the account and then close the account. Depending what you decide to do, keep him or boot him, this is the time to circle your wagons and CYA. Get a journal you can keep in your bag and document everything. Every time he goes to the bar, every time he drinks etc. If the cell phone is in your name depending on the carrier you can get copies of the text messages and phone logs for his phone. If you confront him he is going to deny it. Once you get all your wagons in a circle follow him one night to the bar and take pictures and then confront them both with a process server to serve him the divorce papers. Anyone over the age of 21 can serve the papers. No matter what happens remember he violated and disrespected you, your kids and the sanctity of your marriage. He did this not you, so don’t spare him any mercy.
Personally I don’t think I could ever be the same with my husband if he cheated, it’s not ok to do that to someone you are supposed to love and respect if your so un happy in the relationship tell me and just leave , I find it very low blow and I just couldn’t ever trust that person again.
So if you’re trust in him is gone then there can’t be a relationship? Do you want to have unanswered questions every time he leaves the house? Tell yourself what you would tell your best friend if it were them.
He needs to go… I’d file for divorce and bring him the papers myself. And if needs help packing, bring the kids to your moms first and have someone there with you when you do it. Brother father friend, anybody. You don’t deserve this giving this man 3 children. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I went though this myself after having our 3rd baby in 4 years. Time heals. But you need to get away from him. Keep the proof for yourself as well. Will help you tremendously in the divorce
It is time. He gave you the proof and the reason. You can’t be in a marriage where you are the only one who is faithful. I am so sorry.
Oh beautiful! This is extremely hard since you have a six week old and 10 year old. Even though he’s cheated and it seems like it’s not the first time, I’m sure it’s hard to trust him. If this woman knows he’s married and has a family it doesn’t say much about her Character nor does it say much about your husband’s character either. You need to realize your self worth and you obviously don’t need him to survive. It’s hard because of the baby being so little but you need to take care of yourself as well. Not all men cheat, and there is a man out there for you that will love you and your children just as much as you do. You have some decisions to make, but please remember, you and your children deserve so much better and deserve to be happy
Pack his belongings and change the locks.
You are the breadwinner! Why do you need someone that totally disrespects and hurt you ? Run fast ! You can find someone that appreciates you You will feel so much better. Don’t show you child that what your husband is doing is ok. You got this !
I’m not gonna tell you to walk away or to forgive him. You have to make that decision for you and your kids. Just know that his cheating is on him and in no way is a reflection on you. I know when my ex husband cheated I felt ashamed and like I wasn’t enough. You hold your head high and know that the decision is now yours to make. A couple of things that made me decide that enough was enough is I am not one to be ok with constantly worrying who he was with, where he was and what he was doing anytime he wasn’t doing anything that was normally routine. I was killing myself trying to make sure he wasn’t cheating again or trying to not look like an idiot and not see the signs he was. My peace of mind and the happiness of me and my kids is what made the final decision for me. Just know it IS your decision and you alone will have to decide what you are ok with. Also small reminder… what you allow your kids to see that is ok is what they will accept as well. Make sure that you would be ok with your kids growing up and being in the same position that you are allowing yourself to be in. It’s not an easy choice.
Just take it a day at a time love. Idk if I would let that go though.
Don’t say anything, get your proof together, lawyer up asap, apply for full custody, etc., get your own accounts, change the locks/put him out.
I would have your mother babysit the kids then have a over the table talk with your husband.
I would tell him you know all about this other woman. You seen the messages and you refuse to be in a relationship with a liar and a cheater. Then tell him he needs to pack his things and leave.
I wont tell you to get a divorce, I know what I would do. I dont know if you choose counseling or what but give yourself the space you need to make the right choices. You dont want him sitting there begging or acting a fool saying well it’s your fault. You need space to make your choices.
If you make him move out in some states that’s giving up residents of the house. You also want to find first for custody sake.
Make him breakfast. Grits in a cast iron. Do like Madea.
Staying with a cheater is not going to make you happy. I agree with the ones saying get your affairs in order…make him leave!!!
I found out too with an infant. We divorced. Best thing I ever did !
Once the dog starts to roam, it’s hard to keep him home. Get the best divorce lawyer you can find!
Pack his shit and tell him to go live with her. Don’t leave your home!
Leave him. You the bread winner, so I would kick him out and be done with the relationship. Let him learn the consequences. He will continue to cheat and go on to the next affair if you allow it to continue, let alone I personally would rather leave and not tolerate it rather then wait til he finds the right one and leaves himself. Nope you need to end it.
I would be on her doorstep so damn quick, she would learn exactly what it meant to fool around with a married man and the DRAMA …it causes!! I would give them both…ALL THE DRAMA …they requested. I am also sorta angry this morning and kinda petty…so maybe sleep on it first . Good luck sis!! Your going to do fine
Yeet that man like Rafiki just did Simba… yes it hurts but you deserve better and can get through it! Don’t let him gas light you either after it comes to light… he’s not sorry he’s only sorry he got caught
Take screen shots incase a divorce is in the make unfortunately. If you chose to stay and work through it then just remember you’re always going to have trust issues which can get worse and be carried into another relationship. So either forgive and move on or pack up and leave well he should be packing and leaving
I have been in your shoes. I gave my husband a second chance 3.5 years ago to get his act together and he basically never stopped cheating on me. Finally left him 6 months ago after finding out he had still been cheating on me with multiple people and am happier than I’ve been in a long time.
Yes, it’s hard, and I’m sad that my family isn’t together. BUT I know I am setting the right example for my son that this is not appropriate behavior to accept from a partner or to do to a partner. Him seeing his mom happy (either alone or getting treated right by the right man) is more important than him growing up witnessing toxic behaviors from his mom and dad.
I hope you have the strength to leave for you and your children. Best of luck
Don’t leave the Marital home…
It makes you look like you abandoned the marriage. Make him leave & keep proof of his infertility.
Seek legal advice
Good luck & you deserve better…
Its different for everyone but i couldn’t forgive. How could i trust someone that i believe has done this several times. Also if you stay and he doesnt wanna work on it or own up to it- it will continue and he’ll probably end up leaving you probably for whatever woman he’s cheating with. A lot of the time they also beg for you back
Put his stuff outside and change the locks. File for divorce and focus on you and your kids. Kids are much better off in a healthy home and keeping him around would create a toxic environment. Show those kids that if someone can’t love them right, then they haven’t found the right one.
It’s not the first time and it’s not gonna be the last time you say your educated so be smart here you deserve better hes trash and the trash needs to be taken out
Get copies of those text messages somehow. Take pictures of them on his phone showing her phone number and then get cell phone records showing the text messages to that number. Put him out. Shame on that other woman!
I agree with Jane Critser. Once the dog starts to roam, it’s hard to keep him home. Get a good divorce lawyer and put him out.
This exact thing happened to me. I stayed 12 years. 12 years too long. Take it from me the sooner you get out the better off you will be. It just gets worse and worse and going through this permanently changes you. I wish I could get those years back
Find a good lawyer and photocopy all the ID for you and the kids and start saving money. Start documenting everything.
Make a plan and leave. He won’t change. He won’t be sorry. He’ll only care he got caught. I’m so sorry
It breaks my heart to hear so many people saying “leave”. You have to do what YOU want to do. Divorce is the easy way out. I made a commitment to my husband and I intend to stand by it. (Yes I know he made a commitment too and messed up) You promised for better or for worse. Did you mean that? Do you want to see if you can resolve the issue(s)? Or are you just done? I say do your best to work through it and fight. Confront him and as long as he’s willing to work through it… try. Don’t let him off easy- get a tracking app on his phone so you can see everything he’s doing. Treat him like you would a teenager who met someone online and went to meet in person. He’s going to have to work his hind end off to earn your trust back. Even then, you may still be leery in some instances. But, remember that we are all human- we all have shortcomings, temptation, and we ALL make mistakes.
Give him the boot!
Document everything custody wise!
Get into therapy
I’m sorry that’s happened but why go through his phone did he go through yours at ANY point before you found out
If you’re smart and educated, you know what to do. Leave his mooching, no respect having self. Really just deplorable behavior on his part.
Love him from afar and focus on being the best version of yourself. Then you will learn your worth, and be able to model your children what to accept and not accept
My only advice is….stay strong,you said it yourself ,you are smart ! U shouldn’t settle for less! U should tho talk to him about it,maybe u both can open up? Its not forgivable thing he did but u also have children to worry about …its not just about you anymore …
It’s time for the boy to kick rock’s down the road…
Address it, tell him how you feel and thennnnn. Move on!!!
In your heart and gut you know what is best for you and your children. Do that! You know deep down what you can live with or without. Know that you deserve better! And act accordingly. I’ll be praying for you
You’re the breadwinner which means you have the means to leave or kick him out. You can do this. I wasn’t the breadwinner and left my ex husband and I am so much happier and mentally in a better place.
Get proof of his cheating off his phone screen shot it from your phone so you have. Proof and know your worth you and your children deserve better
You love him but love yourself more! Confront him and decide what you want with him.
Leave Leave Leave him, take him for everything he has
I have been there. Gave him a second chance and he did it again. I stay with him after I found out he did it the second time. When my kids turn 18 I left. My kids are in there fortys and they tell me today they wish I would of left him when they were young. They love there father. But don’t stay for the kids
It just shows them what to look for in a person when it’s time for them to marry. Both of my kids did and it didn’t work out for them. You will be OK. Please believe me you will be OK. Your kids always, always come first.
Being smart and educated does not mean you know what to do. The decision is up to you. If you want to try to work on the relationship try couples therapy. If not you will find your way positive energy to you
You need to screen shot all text, more info the better. Get yourself tested for any STDs. If you decide to file, pack his shit put it out and change the locks on the doors. If this isn’t a first it won’t be a last. Another option is tell him he needs to support his family and honey on his dime not yours.
I’m so sorry at 6 weeks postpartum I can only imagine how even more devastating this is to you with hormones and a new baby. I feel for you. I don’t have any advice as I think you have to determine what is the right way for you to handle this. Still I feel so terribly for you. Saying a prayer for you.
See if he is willing to do marriage therapy.
As you said……you are smart, you are educated and you are the breadwinner in the marriage. Do not stick around to be used and disrespected.
I’m so sorry:pleading_face: tell him what read in his phone, and tell him to make a decision, tell him to call that woman on speaker phone in front of you. Give him this one chance and that’s it! Good luck! I hope he does the right thing… ❤🩹 I also think you should tell his parents.
Kick him out, change the locks. If he comes back, call the cops. It takes loosing everything, family, for him to realize what he did is unacceptable. He needs to grow up. After someone cheats, the relationship isn’t the same anymore. And if he doesn’t love you anymore, you can’t make him either. Let it go. You, your kids deserve love, deserve the world. Your a mother, think like one. Not about yourself. Do you really want your kids to see you in a toxic relationship and think its ok for a man to do that to a woman.
Kick his ass out girl! You’re strong and independent and you got this! You deserve better!
For those who have said “divorce is the easy way out.” Are you kidding me? There is no easy option here. Divorce leads to a separated family with children who have to learn schedules and time away from one parent at all times. You also have to separate your entire life from this person and handle the emotional downfall of everything. So it’s fucked to say that’s “easy.” But it’s also not easy to stay and trust that person again. I personally have experienced indefinitely from my husband and I chose to give him the chance to show me HE wants this. I wanted my marriage. I went to my husband with proof of what I found and asked him point blank what it is he wants. And while he made the decision to change, I made the decision to forgive him and find that trust again. Several years later and we are WAY stronger and I don’t question him anymore. Things can change. Both parties just need to invest in it. And if he’s not wanting it, you have to accept that and let him go. Likewise, if you are no longer wanting to stay with him (rightfully so), then he has to accept that.
Tell him what you found , ask him about it calmly and talk it out! Do what your heart thinks is best!! If you think you guys can make it through and this is just a rough match okay , but you deserve someone that loves you and only you!!
What do you want to do? That’s the only thing people can or should give advice on. I know what I would do in my marriage because it’s mine. But yours is yours. You have to decide what you want to do and let people help you be ok with it either way. Think about stuff like, do you want to fix it, do you believe he will stop, were you looking for something to end it? Like maybe you wanted a reason to get out? I don’t know your story or situation. What I can tell you is that at 7 years I almost left him. There was no cheating but everyone has their problems. I wanted absolutely nothing to do with him and that’s crazy! 12 years now and it’s better than ever! So, decide what YOU want! And those of y’all telling her to leave off of one fb post… shame on y’all. I hope your marriage isn’t so fragile that you never do anything to fight for it!
Open the door and show him the way out!
Know your worth
Which you clearly do! Do not allow him to stay, if you can give him all that and him not even give you respect & loyalty then you deserve a million times better. People can only treat you how you allow them to.
Hun he is not going to stop. You know your worth you dont need him he needs you. let him find out what he has without you. Get you and your babies and go.
Yes ! YOU take control by addressing this. Don’t enable him at all. He owes you the truth. In my experience you should let him go. Xoxo
Document all evidence of the affair. This will gain you a solid defense against him claiming alimony in the divorce process.
This betrayal cuts deep honey. It’s best to have the ugly truth rather than a beautiful lie despite the pain it may gain. (But damn, it hurts!)
You can do this.
Leave. I saw a clip from Steve Harvey. He was telling a lday to stop collecting red flags. He crossed the line. You don’t need him… he needs you and you deserve better. Kids will adjust. Past behavior is an example of future behavior.
Leave and never look back
Oh dear, I’m so sorry. Save all proof that you can that he cheated in case it’s needed for later. Definitely, ask him if there’s anything he’d like to tell you? If he doesn’t confess then confront him about it! Definitely leave him!
Trust your gut! It was just proven right. In my experience, it won’t stop. It’s gotten so involved that he’s ignoring you. He doesn’t have any respect for you, your kids, his family or himself. And he isn’t about to find it anytime soon, if at all. This may not have been the plan, but respect yourself and kick him out. Don’t be bitter, concentrate on you and your babies. That miracle baby… you got what you were supposed to get from him, then his colors were revealed… it’s like the universe is telling you it’s time for a new chapter in your life now.
Wipe out the accounts, get a lawyer and file first.
All men cheat dear either directly or indirectly,sit and have a serious discussion with him and always remember that when 2 elephants fight is grass that always suffer(children) know how to make scrifice for their sake.
Just know that it hurts to leave but gets better everyday. Be thankful and proud of yourself for being the breadwinner and keep your chin up If you ever need someone to talk to I’m here. Single mama to a 3yo and a 3 week old.
Get screenshots of the texts. Keep evidence for divorce court in case he denies the cheating. Things like that play a role in a divorce and custody for the kids. But definitely leave him.
Respectfully confront him. If he’s willing to discuss, do so. If there’s a solution great. If not, then you have to make your own decision on how to move forward. An agreeable divorce is always better for the kids so aim for that. Don’t settle though. You deserve a better partner than that.
Don’t say anything. Find a lawyer, draw up papers and divorce him. Especially since you feel it isn’t the first time. One time, MAYBE it can be fixed. Not likely but possible. Multiple times? No way. Speaking from experience here, unfortunately. Don’t bend over backwards for him, try to fix y’all with him begging and his excuses etc. Follow your instincts. They’re right. You deserve better. Being hit hard with a realization of divorce and what he’s close to loosing might help, but if not then you’re better off. He’s fully aware of what he is doing. If he wanted to be faithful, he would be. If he wanted to treat you right. He would. He knows he has kids. He knows what this will do to a family. And he still chose to do it.
IF HE WANTED TOO, HE WOULD.
And he did apparently.
If you let him he’s going to beg you to stay, he will continue to cheat if it was a friend telling you about the husband cheating what would you say to them
LEAVE! Let her have the broke “CHILD”! You deserve a “MAN” And your kid NEEDS to see Mom respected! Good luck!
Confront him …then if he tells you the truth .then tell them how you feel about the situation…! the old saying is once a cheater always a cheater !
To me if he can cheat on u is bad enough, but while you are pregnant with his child?!!! I’m my experience cheaters don’t stop cheating. Think about it. Could you cheat on him. If you thought NO it’s because u are not a cheater. They are a different breed
Same happened to me while I was pregnant. He will say all the right things to keep you. You have to decide, because it actually didn’t end there for me. It’s still going on. Sadly, have to wait for that right time to go! Choose what’s best for you. Honestly, the trust is gone and can’t believe anything
I would just leave …i wouldnt tolerate that disrespect…cheating is already bad enough let alone while u were pregnant…
I know you are hurt hun
Please leave him.
Oh I’d also send her a special message or two on his phone too.
Get your evidence, divorce that man, and RUN
Baby girl i feel you as im currently in the exac same situation 10 years of marriage down the line for a sick girl who claims she was pregnant to find out its a lie i showed him the door he still dont want to give my divorce but ja why go look some where if you have it all😢
Screenshot everything and send it to yourself. Its admissible in court.
Change your locks, security codes, etc.
Move money from any joint accounts to your account.
If yall have a family plan on the phones you can view the catalogs to get a better idea of the communication patterns. Also admissible in court.
Change ur life insurance policy if hes the previous beneficiary. Choose someone you trust. Sister? Mom?
Then call her directly. See if she’ll come clean. Even if she dont, he will realize you know either way.
Pack his things and leave outside the garage.
Take pictures for proof file for a divorce and kick his ass to the curb. You deserve better if he wanted the life he has with you he would have never even considered cheating.
It’s time to go. You can do this. It’s much much easier than what’s happening right now I promise.
You know what to do. Leave. hugs!!!