I want to ask for advice anonymously. My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 years, I have two children from a previous marriage, he has one from a previous marriage, and we have a one-year-old together. When I got pregnant - it was unplanned- he blamed me and was resentful. He refused intimacy throughout the pregnancy and until the baby was ten months old. I felt awful, rejected, and disregarded. Moving forward about four months ago, we talked and agreed to work in our marriage, and had been doing so successfully. Until about a week ago when I found out, he has been texting and talking to former girlfriends, flirting and sexting. He even met up with one of them while out of town. He claims nothing physical happened, and they are just friends. He says I have nothing to worry about, that he only reached out to them because I have been too tired and busy to give him the attention he needed lately - the children have been sick, our son was hospitalized, I myself was sick and we have had family visiting. We both work full time, but I do all the childcare and housework so that with all the sickness and visitors left me too tired for anything but sleep at bedtime. This is not the first time I have caught him doing this, but he has never met with them in person, or at least not that I know of. And one of them is the same person he was talking to the first time. We talked about it, and he promised never to contact them again and to talk to me when he feels like I’m not affectionate enough. The thing is I am hurt and honestly disgusted if his behavior. My gut tells me it won’t change and will just get worse. However, he’s the father of my youngest, and I feel I should try to work things out for him.
Dump his ass. Idk why it’s even a question. He has done nothing to raise you up, and he’s done this before. Move on.
He’s done with you. You need to be done with him
Edit- that came out harsher than I meant it…but I did mean it. Good luck, sis
LEAVE. A REAL MAN will love you unconditionally and not make you feel bad for not giving him attention 24/7. He’s a pig.
If you need closure…you should reach out out to the girl and ask if it was physical.
Emotional cheating is cheating. Sexting other women is cheating. Hiding who theyre talking/texting is cheating. Secretly meeting up with people is cheating. You decide if you want to keep allowing him to disrespect you.
Leave. Leave now. Red fucking flags dude
He did it again I you still want to stay and don’t say it’s because of your son you left your other kids’ father you can do without him too
Your gut is probably right…
I’m sorry but you need to cut your loses. He doesn’t give a f**k about you and is actually trying to blame you for him, meeting with an ex. A proper narcissist
My heart aches for you. I would feel at a loss if I were in your shoes. It doesn’t sound like he takes your relationship seriously, just because there has been a small dry spell, is no excuse to go searching elsewhere for that attention. I would feel like I couldn’t trust him. You need to be open and honest about how you feel, and give him the opportunity to be honest and make a choice, his behaviour would have me questioning things.
Girl, he withheld intimacy for over a year and a half from you but then when life happens he goes and cheats? Noooo… be done. He’s manipulating you big time and treating you lie garbage. Just be done.
Nothing happened when he met his ex! I hope you don’t believe that. You need to get away from him!
If its not worth it don’t even try … once a man does this there’s no trust …is that what you want father or not if he loves his kids then he should change
Ask yourself what you would tell your child to do
Hey emotionally checked out from you. Walk away and save your self. Hes not willing to stick by yourside in your worst days.
He sounds like a dick in my opinion. Like he made his decision years ago. Counseling?
Your crazy if you stay
In doing what he has done he’s shown time and time again he has no respect for you or how you feel its all about him and his feelings he sounds pathetic, is that the best you can do for yourself? Also staying for your child won’t help in any way all they will see is their mummy is a door mat teach your child to be strong by showing them how to be the situation will only cause misery in the long run and life is to short
Girl, just cut your losses and run.
Leave and dont look back.
LMAO same story different girl.
You’re going to do what you want to do without everybody’s input… Stay with him longer so your children see what a toxic relationship is really about… Leave when it’s too late… I mean come on, what are you expecting people to say here… LEAVE HIM. HE ISN’T GOING TO CHANGE.
Working things out for the kids is probably the worst thing you could do, a marriage and the parents are the foundation of a home not the kids one day the kids will grow up and be out of the house and being miserable and allowing your self to be treated in such a way doesn’t do any good, you deserve to be happy for yourself and your babies. It’s something that will continue because you choose to put up with it by being with him.
You already did try to work on it and he still went out and sought attention from someone else - at this point I think you need to separate, he needs to be a better example for your son and other kids and you need to be as well by showing them you don’t stay with someone who treats you so badly
He shouldn’t be leaving you with all the housework and childcare work. If that can be addressed, things will be more on an even level. If not, he will always have that excuse that he isn’t getting the attention he needs. Perhaps counseling with a therapist who understands the basic concept of a partnership
Will certainly get worse. Leave now.
RUN & file for child support… save yourself & your child from further abuse & neglect… things will only get worse… you teach people how to treat you… he’s crossed a HUGE LINE… would he accept this behavior from you? Your child deserves to be supported by his biological father whether he sees him or not… even if YOU don’t want or need the money put it in a savings account for your child… if you let him off the hook with support you will eventually live to regret it & be angry & resentful when he’s off squandering his money on other women & new children while you are struggling & your child goes without…
Run girl. Seriously. It wont get better
Walk away …he will never change
He is one selfish idiot. His partner is sick and his kids are sick and because he doesn’t get attention he runs off to his exes. Kick him to the curb.
Any guy that blames you for why they are talking to someone else is so toxic. Run. He absolutely cheated on you
Get your kids and go!!!
Where is your self esteem gees
He’s done it in the past and probably promised then to change as well and he hasn’t. He’ll do it again because you forgave him… Leave if you don’t want to deal with the cheating
U shoukd follow ur gut. He blaimed u for him making the choice to be unfaithful thats on him not you. This sounds so toxic and mentally abusive. He is clearly a repeat offender and ill bet money he will make that choice again. Never be a mans option. U deserve a man who doesnt see tge other women in the world because he only has eyes for you
Classic, textbook, cheater! He’s playing you! I was married to the same person! Almost exactly! Run!! I wasted 20 years of my life giving him the benefit of the doubt! If I could turn back the hands of time, I’d have left him within the first few years! Please do yourself a favor and get out now. Life is too short to waste another minute on someone like him!
He should be helping u so u can have the time and energy for intimacy not cheating
It WILL NOT ever change. He will continue to make you any promise necessary to placate you.
I don’t think I believe him… nothing happened… give me a break. Even if it wasn’t of physical nature. Something still happened. He met up with someone he wasn’t suppose to be meeting up with. It probably won’t change. But I bet when you decide to leave him and you try to move on… he will promise to change.
If he has time to message, meet and flirt with his ex girlfriends while his spouse and children are ill/hospitalized, he is a jackass. If he were helping you like he should be, he would not have time for that.
Work things out? You mean you’ll turn a blind eye and suffer in silence until one day you finally snap or fall into a depression. He got away with it once and he will do it again. In your time of need he was too busy whining and crying to other women. He clearly has no concern for you.
Once a cheating always a cheating! I would leave and not look back
TRUST YOUR GUT! Rarely is there smoke with no fire. Now that you know he’ll get more creative and take it underground. He has a history and clearly it is repeating itself.
He will cheat, always unless u leave his sorry ass!
I would leave. Making yourself happy makes your child happy in the long run. A better you is a better child. I was in the same situation. Twice.
He is cheating. You’ve been doing it on your own it sounds like so you’ll be perfectly fine after you leave his ass. Woman need to be more head strong. I’d wish my husband would try that shit. I’d kick his ass out period.
You have tried to work things out, honey. Problem is–he doesn’t want to. Your gut is correct. Please leave him, for your own sake. You can still have a successful co-parenting relationship with your youngest if he is wanting that. But he is not marriage or relationship material.
Also, it really disgusts me that he was trying to blame HIS decision to cheat on you. It was in no way your fault.
how stupid do we as women need to continue to act for dumb ass men. Walk the fuck away. Should have done so the first time unless you just like the bullshit
Why do woman insist on working things out with these types of males… Just baffles me. Your worth more
I’m gonna just say this one thing because if I say everything I want to say seriously I’d get kicked off the page probably because of how rude it would sound. So I’ll leave it at this, just leave it won’t get better and I would’ve left AS SOON AS I found out he was SEXTING someone else.
Sorry to say they are right but don’t tell him what ur doing till it’s done ,go to a lawyer check out ur options quietly
What you allow will continue. Either make some major changes or accept that this is ur life. I highly doubt he didn’t do anything with the girl.
If you cannot trust your partner do not be with them!!!
You believe it wasn’t physical? Why else did he meet up with her? Trust your institution. You already know what you need to do. Good luck.
He went outside of your marriage for sexual gratification. That’s cheating and a deal breaker.
Jesus woman how do you pick them!!! He’s doing you over. Wake up!!!
Been there myself. He never changed. I would RUN!
I personally would leave. You deserve better!! He ignored you for how long but the moment you can’t show him attention he run to his ex. Save yourself the heartache you’ll end up with later.
Funny. How he put the blame on you. “You were to busy and tired to give him attention”
My ex pulled that shit on me too. I actually apologized for HIM reaching out to other females. …
Girl. Trust your intuition. I ignored mine. And am still trying to forgive myself for it.
He’s manipulating you.
It won’t change, follow your gut.
It’s the truth better to face it now then latter I did
You already gave him a chance. He took advantage of it. And not in a good way. All he will see is that you are wanting to work it out and use it against you. If he would have stopped at the first chance he gave you then there is hope. But sadly it did not happen that way.
your youngest deserves to see his mama happy, healthy and appreciated. Fuck this fool
You are with the. Wrong man. Lady
Drop him like it’s hot mama he will do it again & its obvious he doesn’t give a rat’s ass…
Sounds like my ex, we’d be celebrating our children’s birthdays and he be texting with another woman or other women and everyone else could see that but me. Sorry but he ain’t gonna change, sounds like he has problems and you should move on…
He’s not going to change, divorce him and get child support. Find someone who will treat you better.
He is a pos and you should leave
Do you really need to ask?
Get out!!! He’s lying to you
you arent gone yet…he is cheating weather you want to acknoledge it or not and it is never going to work out
Why would you want to stay with the man that because you are exhausted and dealing with everything and sick kids, gives him the rt to turn to his ex’s!! Open your eyes momma, is this how you want your son to grow up thinking that women should do WHATEVER the man wants?? HELL NO a love, marriage relationship takes two, 2-to work, 2-to care for sick kids, 2-to take care of household chores, etc!! NOT run to talk to or meet someone because your SO is exhausted!! Get out and show your children that them and mommy deserves better!! A real MAN! Goodluck
Withholding intimacy is a classic move of the narcissist. It’s not how you want your child believing that love is… do you?
He is cheating on you! It won’t change and you are allowing him to disrespect you by putting up with it.
If its happened before and now again…he WONT change!
You deserve better. He’s settling for you because you got pregnant. You don’t deserve that. You deserve to be the center of someone’s universe. Nothing short of that.
Girl you can’t be serious! Read YOUR post, kick his ass to the curb and raise them babies to know how a woman should be treated and what a marriage really is (because resent and holding off being intimate while doing all he has done, ain’t it) goodluck, enjoy packing his bags
He tried to turn this around on you and blame you for him cheating on you. HE withdrew affection and attention when YOU BOTH made that baby and now he’s blaming you. That’s all kinds of nope
Lusting after another women is cheating, taking it further by meeting up and contacting them is also cheating. Real serious changes need to take place and it will be difficult as he’s already broken trust and that’s very difficult to restore BUT it can happen. You absolutely cannot continue putting up with this though. Eventually if he doesn’t change, it’s ok to walk away. I’m so sorry you’re going though this.
Find a new husband, that will solve your problems.
Sadly, you must trust your gut my friend. It’s more honest with you than he is.
He’s definitely trying to get out of taking responsibility for being a garbage human being on you. It’s NOT your fault that he doesn’t know how to deal with his own emotions in a healthy way.
Work things out for him? As for your baby? Don’t continue this toxic marriage you’d be doing that for the baby. He’s blaming you for why he contacts ex’s. Sorry but that is on him not you. If y’all truly stay together and stay faithful not only does he need to stop but he needs to help you out a little at least. Weather it’s giving a child a bath or putting him/down to bed. It’s a team effort. But it seems like a dog doing old tricks. He won’t change till he needs to. Leave. He knows you won’t that’s why he’s continuing to do what he’s doing. His behavior remind me of a narcissist. He’s blaming you. It’s not your fault. And it won’t be your fault if you walk away!
That is total bullshit. Classic narcissist behavior. Look it up and I guarantee you will see more signs. You can’t change him and he has no respect and really doesn’t even know what that means. Don’t punish yourself “for the sake of the kids” in the long run they wind up hurting too.
In all reality you know better. Behavior like this doesn’t change. You just end up with broken promises and worse, a broken soul. You and your children deserve respect, he doesn’t show any. You deserve love and appreciation, he doesn’t show any. The best advice anyone on this thread can give you, is to tell you that it’s time to move on once and for all. However, the choice is ultimately your own to make. Do you want to wake up 10 years from now married to this man and realize you’ve lost every bit of self worth you ever had? Damage like this comes at a price. Too many women don’t realize that it’s almost impossible to come back from it when you’re 10 years down the road and don’t even recognize the woman looking back at you in the mirror. Your life will never be the same again if you continue this relationship. Trust me, I know first hand!
Why have you not left him
You stated that you didn’t have intimacy through out your pregnancy. Then you said your husband thinks your not affectionate. Your husband is the problem. Men don’t just flirt with women from the past. He is more than likely cheating. Once a cheater always a cheater. Oh they will tell you they are sorry. But the only thing they are sorry about is getting caught
I’m so very sorry. I pray God provides you a way out
The fact he blamed you and used you as an excuse to reach out to other woman is a huge reg flag right there. He’s an insecure loser and your deserve better. Point blank period
I would have left last week, he is clearly moving on and doesn’t want to be respondsible for that baby - that is why he is still there! Move on momma - you can do better alone!
He will regret this, i promise you!
Im so sorry. You deserve better
It isn’t worth the pain or misery.
Move on once a cheater always
Went thru the same thing. Call it quits. You’ll be happier. It’s coming regardless.
Please make sure you get tested just in case he actually did do something physical!
Not getting the attention he needed!? Is he 3?? this isnt an excuse.
He blamed YOU for his actions, f*ck that! He’s a grown man and made his choices on his own. He’s obviously done with the marriage. Time to take care of yourself and those kids without him.
It will never change my sister, please apply your mind well.online relationships are just as real as physical ones.your husband is a serial cheater .
Sophia Poulos really wth