what would you do if you were in a relationship for 12 years with a man and found out that he has been with another girl for a year n a half, while he was still with you?!?!? I’m so hurt and heartbroken I don’t know what the fck to do and to make it worst we have a daughter together whom is hurt by me not being with her father anymore
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I found out my man has been cheating: Advice?
There is no question. Leave and don’t look back.
I know easier said then done, but I would be done. There’s no coming back from that.
You need to explain to your daughter exactly what he did to make you not want to be with him. You deserve better than the trash he is:heart:
Get tested, plan to leave
You’ll be so happy you left that situation. And your daughter will be happy to see you happy
Throw him away. He can pay child support and see his daughter but as for you, throw that man away.
Been there!! It was 7 years … bolt out of the blue but she looked at him as her Father figure
Really? He would be gone if he is with someone else then he don’t love you are anything y’all have together. I have out up with alot in my marriage but if my husband was to ever step out with someone else he wouldn’t never step foot back in this house no questions even asked bye bye
I’m so sorry you and your daughter deserve better.
id be going off and he knows it and say bye
Get tested for sexually transmitted diseases tomorrow
You should have the answer geez
First of all see counseling.
Leave. No questions asked. 2 things my husband and I both said one should never tolerate or try to “work though” cheating, and abuse. Deal breakers
I think you already know the answer. You don’t need our validation. Do whats best
Get tested immediately
Do what you think is right, she will understand someday!
Either talk about it and forgive him, or dump him.
End it once a cheaper always one
If you can’t be with him then explain it to her.
U deserve better! Stay away from him!
Leave for not only yourself but your daughter as well!
Whether your married or not, leave him. U can do it on your own. Cheaters never change. He won’t stop. Your daughter will understand as she gets older❤️
I would get tested first. Then pack my bags and be gone. Not gonna say a word and I’m gonna empty the accounts and close anything with my name on it.
Kids are resilient. She will be a-ok.
I can’t comment because last time I was restricted for 24 hours for inciting violence lol
wtf take the scum for everything and on to better bigger things for u and ur daughter waot see his dlwm fall of explanation of his loses and ir child to the person
Well ask him what made him stray. Then if you can fix it. IF You can’t make each other happy go your own ways. But I’d try to see what he’s needing from someone else and he’s staying with you.
Individual therapy for you. If you decide to try again, couples therapy is a must.
It’s hard when u love but go separate ways girl allow urself to heal this heart break
Dump him once a cheater always a cheater…
You split custody 50/50 and leave.
You and your daughter will be fine. You need to tell your daughter the truth so she can understand why you are not together anymore. You don’t want her thinking it is okay to be in a relationship with someone who treats you like that. Lead by example mama, you got this.
Your daughter will be just fine, but you won’t b/c your peace of mind and that trust is gone. Choose peace and happiness over history. He didn’t give a damn about your daughter’s feelings, your feelings, nor yall’s history so why should you? Plus think about what you’re teaching your daughter by staying with someone who doesn’t value you nor her for that matter. C’mon nih, a whole year and half?? Sis, you already know what you need to do…
Well , he apparently isn’t your man, regardless of how long you’ve been doing all the wife things. Why would you want to stay with a man that (1)you can’t trust and (2) doesn’t treat you with respect. Your daughter will get over it.
U get one life girl…don’t waste it on this guy
Leave it does not get better…comeing from someone who was cheated on and tried to right the wrong by doing the same
What you accept you condone.
Quietly get a lawyer, if there’s shared property and leave.
Well…3 kids and you have to think about them! She’s hurt now but when she gets older she will understand.
Would you like this to happen to your daughter oneday ! No way you wouldn’t
Be with someone you’d be completely happy and okay with your daughter being
Break the cycle
Set the bar ! And the example
Good on you for knowing yours and your daughters worth be happy for abit not having to emplain yourself or have any rules do whatever you please
Do for yourself exactly what you would want your daughter to do in that situation if it were her . That’s it . That’s the answer .
Show your baby girl how to be a woman and LOVE YOURSELF!
I’m pretty sure you know exactly what to do. As hard as it is, cheating is a deal breaker and that asshole doesn’t deserve you. I would never put up with that crap. What a pos
Seriously?? I left my children’s father for leaving his dirty ass socks on the floor every day for 3 years
RUN as fast as possible
I played the monster for years and now that she is old enough and asking questions she started putting the pieces together herself and realizes everything her dad made her believe I did, was actually him.
what i would do well for one one cry my heart out because i do love him 0 but on other hand i don’t want to continue going through this pain so i would just follow my heart and leave him! srry honey
Bye Felicia. He cheats trust in the relationship is out the window.
Leave…why stick around?
His not worth the heartache
1 1/2 yr!!! Thats a whole relationship! No way! Bye!
Leave. Point blank. Don’t look back.
If the house is in both names in rental or bank he can pay your half so you can leave and move on bugger this for a relationship my ex was 2 time #####
As well full of promises and nothing to show for it no date night just a boring we go to our jobs through the day I get home 1st start dinner and clean up.
I was a blind fool if you can walk away do it now
Kids are resilient. If you’re happy your child will adapt.
As far as your guy, get rid of him!
That’s a no brainer , I’d dump his ass , doesn’t matter if we share kids or not.
Walk away. Maybe Tun don’t want.
Sorry, I have standards and that is one of them. I straight up told my husband when we started dating that if he ever cheated on me, I would be done and there would be nothing left to salvage or talk about. That is a deal breaker and it’s not even like it was just once and done. This is a full on 1.5 year relationship. Nope nope nope, I’d drop him like a hot .
I would leave and don’t look back !!
Take the money and run .
First off, no need to mention how long you have been in a relationship with him. It doesn’t matter if it was 1 year or 20 years, you need to leave him. He’s had a year and a half to realize it was a “ mistake” if he hasn’t then it will only be him being upset because he was caught. Get out, now! Take your child, file for child support and co patent with him nicely for y’all’s daughter’s sake!
He is not worth it just concentrate on your daughter
Show him the door. Once the trust is broken it can never be rebuilt. Not when it comes to cheating. Best thing for you and your little one is to be rid of him
A kid with u a shes prob got one in the oven leave him
Married or not it’s never ok and this wasn’t like it was a one and done type of thing. It carried on as a relationship. It’s not 100% true “Once a cheater, always a cheater” but this, this is not forgivable to try to work passed as a couple. Your daughter will understand one day. As long as dad stays an active father and can keep and maintain a good, healthy relationship with your daughter then she not need to ever know. Depending on her age each child reacts differently to divorce and age can play a major role in how they take parents living apart. She one day might love the relationship she has with him w/ you two not being together. She’s use to living w/ mom and dad. It’s all she knows. She needs to adjust as do you to living 2 separate lives now. You do what’s best for YOU!
That’s a long time for a second relationship so he has no desire to give it up. You have to do what’s right for you & your child. He is only worried about himself. Yeah it sucks because you’ve wasted a lot of time with him but let him be somebody else’s problem now. And don’t beg him to be in your daughters life (yes it’s hard for her to understand now) but he made more than an effort to live a double life so he needs to put even more effort into a relationship with his child.
There is no repairing this…better to move on, you wouldn’t let your daughter be treated this way so why would you let her see you treated this way. Trust is broken and things will never be the same.
Leave him! I stayed after my husband of 15 years cheated and trusted him and guess what? He cheated again. Fuck all cheaters
No advice needed!!!make him go!!!
That’s tuff, I can tell you for the same reason I tried to make it work with mine & it didn’t. Just added a couple more years of heartache to me, our kids, and likely him as well. I do know that anything CAN be truly repaired, but both ppl have to want it just as much and probably therapy
He doesn’t love you or want you. He has shown you that and if you take him back it will happen again. Pick yourself up and show your daughter what a real woman is. She may not understand now but she will. Value yourself.
You are better on your own with your child ONCE A CHEAT WONT CHANGE BETTER 1 HAPPY PARENT THAN 2 MISERABLE ONES TIME TO MOVE ON … GOOD LUCK …
Honestly when I’ve been cheated on it made me feel like I had been raped, like I was having sex with someone who was not who I thought I was having sex with and I felt so violated, on top of the emotional pain. People who actively cheat are selfish and twisted, they could have been honest and you could have chose to continue your physical/mental relationship or not and they take that choice away from you. You have to do what you feels right but I would recommend ending it. If you decide to forgive and with things out later, it’s one thing but I’d recommend ending things now and see your that feels first.
Leave him asap!!! He shouldn’t cheat
Remember you are teaching your daughter what is not acceptable. THIS IS ONE OF THEM THINGS.She may be upset at you,but the damage was done by him not you.
That is something to NOT teach your kids to b cheaters !!! It’ll be hard but time to move on no matter what that’s still her father n she’ll figure it out when she gets a little older !
You sound like you already aren’t with him anymore but are worried because your daughter is upset that you aren’t?
You need to stay gone otherwise what exactly are you teaching her?
Get rid of the grub ’ ASAP
Never look back. You two are split. Keep it that way. It wasn’t just cheating, he was in a whole other relationship. It may hurt your daughter now, but with regular visits and some counseling along with finally getting into the groove of living a while new life with you two…it gets a little easier. I went through this with my son after my ex an I split. It still hurts him so.e that dad is not always around, though a lot of that falls on dad as he only gets him when it’s convenient for him. He actually went over two months without seeing our son and barely calling him. He kept giving excuses for not being able to get him. Even so, my boyfriend and I do a lot with him and keep him busy. Plus we have a lot of friends with kids and we all get together so he has a lot of friends he sees and plays with. My boyfriend has kids too and is a big kid at heart when it comes to kids. He and my son spend a lot of time with eacher other doing guy stuff…working on vehicles, doing yard work, working on dirt bikes and 4 wheelers or just chilling out being goofy. He still misses his dad, which is normal, but he is doing so much better now. His school counselor has seen a huge difference from when his dad was here(abusive relationship), when his dad first left, and now. She even has commented on how much better he is doing now and how much happier he is. He has come out of his shell, he is participating in school more, his learning not only picked up, but he is surpassing his peers in many subjects, he is also mentally handling things a lot better too. Give it time and definitely get her a therapist or counselor who specializes in this. Also maybe consider one for yourself too. You deserve a safe space and impartial person to speak to. She may even be able to help you help your daughter better too.
Let him cheat in peace and go get you a side piece!
Let her have him…matter of time before his cheating on her as well.
She will get over it. It’s better for her to see a strong mom who is willing to walk away because she respects herself, than to see a weak woman who has no self respect and stays with a pos man.
I was physically assaulted by my ex who lived with my daughter and I and his son who shared homes between his mother’s house and ours. My ex flipped and attacked me right in front of my daughter who was crying and screaming in a corner with my dog who was standing in front of her. You couldn’t pay me to stay especially since I will not subject my daughter to that or teach her it’s ok for a man to treat her Mommy that way, therefore would think it’s ok for someone to treat her that way.
LEAVE. If not for yourself, do it for your daughter. Kids pay attention to everything especially to whom they are around the most.
I dont think its cheating if its a year and a half. Id say more of an affair. Get rid of him. Run.
Get away. You deserve way better. She will understand when she’s older.
Something I wish I would of done the first time : kick his a$$ to the curb and don’t look back. They just find better ways to hide it.
It’s a pain that can’t be explained. I went through it as a man after 15 yrs it’s not easy either way. The fact remains he brought it upon himself and must suffer the consequences of his actions. Don’t blame yourself Don’t blame the other women he put you both in the situation by entertaining her from the beginning. Don’t blame anyone. It isn’t your job or guilt to hold on too. Let him deal with the explanations to your daughter. Just know you have more life to live and without him in it. Visitation rights if he chooses but other than that he deserves nothing from you. Not a I’m sorry not a hello nothing but making sure his child is good. Other than that don’t give him any unnecessary time or words because he list tye privileges of hearing your thoughts or voice. It’s terrible but start a new life without him. Your future doesn’t involve him in any way except child support. He can never be trusted again sadly.
I acted as if I didn’t know while I got some things in order and then called my sis in law to drive me by and turned on the record on my phone and went and confronted them together. probably not the best option BUT it made me feel better! And then I lived my best life. A few years down the road now and I’m thankful for the heartache bc I have an answered prayer of a man and I’m so grateful
Sometimes the best revenge is none at all! Get your life together and crush your goals!! Sure it can and will be some rough/tough days but you learn what your made of.
Sounds like you’ve already made part of your decision… you aren’t with the guy anymore. That’s probably for the best. You can’t make somebody love you. I know your daughter is upset. She’s right at that age where break ups are hardest. Maybe if you can keep her busy, she will be able to cope better. Maybe if you can join a church and get involved with their groups and activities. Many pastors are also gifted therapists too. I would also encourage her to get involved with school activities. When school is out, you can still take her to the library for books to read and they often have movies to borrow. I sure am sorry life took a nasty turn for you and your daughter. But I’m sure things will get better. Keep the faith.
I’d let her know she can have him ! Take all the proof to court if your married so you can have everything see it as a blessing in darkness
Depending on the state you live in, you can sue the mistress for damages and financial compensation
Your daughter will be okay, she would rather her mother be genuinely happy. You putting up with a cheater, even if it’s her father(which she shouldn’t know about y’all’s personal issues anyhow), will teach her to accept that same behavior when she’s older and dating. You’ll be better off without him, imo. Sorry without changed behavior is just manipulation.
It’s a studied fact that after 2 years, romantic love becomes attachment love. Meaning you form a bond with them when you need like you need to stay with them for bonding and comfort. Like justifying that your daughter won’t be with her father. Like it was mentioned elsewhere here, he has to live with the consequences. It’s not a drunken one night stand. He gave his mind and body to someone else with a deep emotional connection.
Just live and let live. What I mean is, you can love someone so much from your heart, treat them right, and still give them space to also enjoy their liberty. With love, you should be able to survive your stressful times alone when he’s not around. You’d notice that the bond would naturally become very strong effortlessly.
Any women who’s willing to sleep with a married man like this is the scum of the earth. And your daughter will one day know the truth and will understand then. And yes, the guy is crappy too but his motive is likely insecurity and hers is likely she wants what belongs to someone else and she’s willing to destroy a family over it.
Get your butt into therapy to help you deal and show your daughter what a strong women with standards is,
Focus on your daughter and kick him out. Remember we teach our kids how to treat people and how to be treated. You don’t want her growing up thinking this is an okay thing to do to her. I know it’s hard, you and her will be better off
Pull yourself together, cut ties, file for custody, move on …
A year & a half isn’t cheating it’s an affair - walk away …