If your husband went away for work and got someone pregnant wouldn’t you want to know? Tell the wife!
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File for child support and move on. He’s not going to do anything he’s not forced to.
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He made the choice to cheat on his wife. You are not ruining his life by doing right by your daughter. File for CS, if he wants visitation he can ask for it. But your daughter doesn’t deserve to have a half way dad.
And my personal opinion his wife should know he was unfaithful it’s super unfair and cruel for her to be living a fake life when she deserves better
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He is the one that broke that trust on his marriage whn he decided to screw arnd!!
He cheated on his wife with you. How many other Business trips did he go and cheat??? He will so the same to you. Tell his wife and move on with your life. Let you and baby girl heal and together start a new one with out him.
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You aren’t ruining his life by filing for child support. HE ruined his own life when HE chose to sleep with another woman while married. Now it’s time HE face the consequences for his actions. Your daughter shouldn’t be hidden and kept a secret because HE messed up.
File for child support and custody. Do not bow down to this man and let him get away with being a scum bag.
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Refile for child support. Your child deserves it. Stop catering to his bs
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File for child support and get a DNA. If he can’t tell his wife, I would!
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If he doesn’t want to pay CS then he doesn’t want to be the father. He can’t have it both ways. Tell him to man up, tell his wife he is a cheating POS or walk away. It’s not fair to anyone, and by you closing the cs case, you’ve let him have his pie and eat it too.
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Your daughter doesn’t deserve to be a secret. I’d cut all ties since that’s how he wants to treat her. No dad is better than a shitty inconsistent dad from my personal experience 
The child deserves to know their father. Who cares if his ‘life is ruined’. He’s obviously a piece of shit anyways. That baby deserves more than ‘secret visits’ and ‘hush money.’ He knew what he was doing. Quit feeling sorry for trash. Take him to court, get child support, and it will be up to him if he wants to go for visitation. 🤷
prioritize your little one. in or out for him. as she gets older it’ll be so confusing for her if the situation stays this way.
Go to court and get your support and let the goof walk away you can find someone who wont want you to sit in the dark and wait for them. You want him to choose you and he wont he wants his wife. Fuck his wife I’m sure she already knows what he is,and she probably wont believe you anyway as most women who are cheated on attack the women who tell them anyway.
It is not your business to tell his wife but it’s your business to make sure your child is taken care of. You didn’t ruin his life, he did by making the immoral decision to cheat on his wife and not tell you he was married. He’s the one to blame here… File for child support and let the rest be. If he wants visitations, you need to take it to court, so everything is legally documented. The older this child gets the more messy it’ll become.
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So you should be the one to tell his wife since he don’t have the balls to do it and then seek child support
He’s a jerk , it’s up to him to explain to his wife. I would not want him to be in her life. She will be better off with out her biological father
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Ehh, you should not have gotten pregnant, … shame on you for bringing this on yourself,…
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Do you want your daughter to be some man’s dirty little secret? Because letting him be in her life but secretly is doing just that. File for child support and the fire it cause is for him to deal with. If he wants to be in her life after he man’s up to deal with things, then good for him, he’s a daddy she deserves. If he want to keep her a secret, then that’s no man you want around her. You are a momma, you can no longer be a timid woman, you have to be a lioness for her.
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Tell his wife yourself. Don’t spare any details. Make sure she knows how you met and the fact that you did not know he was married until after, and that he wanted to continue being in your daughter’s life secretly. Make sure to include screenshots of any texts or written communication to back up what you say, or else he will lie his way out of it to her. Don’t let him keep his daughter a secret. If he wants to be in her life, he needs to go all in. Then take him to court for child support because if he wants to be in her life he should provide for her, too. There is a slight chance he will turn tail and run away at the prospect of taking responsibility for his actions, so you will be rid of him if he can’t fix things.
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He will cheat on you .if she kicks him out don’t take him in. Yes she deserves cs . my mother raised three kids without a dime from our dad .its was hard on her but she did it .but later in our childhood she found a man that loved us as his on and she love his kids as her own also.i didn’t need my sperm donor in my life or want him in my life
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Personally I’d forget him! After you file for child support and DNA his wife will find out then he gets visits and you will have to share your baby with him and his wife! I’d be scared how she would treat my child honestly! So unless he takes you to court and you can do it on your own I’d do it but I’m selfish so:woman_shrugging:t3:
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Refile for child support… He needs to step up… If that forces him to tell her, so be it
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Smarten up. Go after your child support. He is the one that ruined his lufe not you
The baby will need the money
Babies are not cheep.
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Dont be dumb. File for child support. Point blank period. And then his wife will make him do what benefits their family. She’ll make him be in ur daughterz life. Or make him leave. But dont financially do it on ur own. It def is a struggle.
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Put him in CS immediately!!! You said you don’t want his money that you want him to be in your daughter’s life but you know what?? He’ll never be the father that your daughter deserves until his wife knows what’s going on… she doesn’t deserve to be blind w someone that has a child in another state her eyes got to be open that way she’ll decide if she stays in that relationship or not… but you and your daughter deserve better I will put him in cs screw him:rage:
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Girl, call 
him out:clap:!! File for child support. Tell his wife. Tell the whole world, honestly. But ultimately, you need to do what’s best for your child. Your child doesn’t deserve a “sometimes” father. He doesn’t get to oscillate between his other family and you guys. Call him out, get your child support, and do what’s right for your daughter.
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I was a wife in a situation like this and all I’m saying is definitely tell the wife. She absolutely needs to know. Put him on child support, you aren’t ruining his life, he did that right by himself by cheating on his wife with you and not telling you he was married. He’s playing two sides.
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He plays… he pays !
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Horrible man take his money
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I would have never canceled cs. That was your worst mistake. However you can’t force someone to be in their life.
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You are stupid your getting what you deserve but the baby comes first take out papers on him make him pay
File and tell her the truth.
What if YOU were the wife and your husband had this secret child.
You wouldnt wanna know?
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Well it takes money to raise a child so your daughter can have her needs and You need to tell his wife
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Him cheating isn’t something you need to deal with. That’s his business. If you need financial help, don’t let him manipulate you into not getting it. His wife deserves to know. Especially if they have kids together. They are your daughters siblings.
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What the entire fuck is the matter with you? File for cs. He cheated and he lied and he should be helping you with the child. Don’t you ever let him make his choices YOUR fault. You are responsible for your daughter. You be the type of woman who holds ppl to their actions and word. You can’t force him to physically be in her life. He’s married. He’s in another state. He doesn’t sound like a decent person. You don’t seem to be too focused on your child in this situation you seem to want to force his hand.
He dont deserve to be married or have you. He needs to man up tell his wife and be in his kids life.
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Never feel pity for someone who cause this mess.
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Your a jerk
U r super confusing
u open a child support case but then u close it and then u dont want him in ur life so u didnt put him on b.c. but now ur angry becuz hes not visiting ur daughter
U want him to secretly come but then u want him to broadcast it by filing c.s.???
What are u thinking?? Hes married and will not cater to u and that’s the life u got dealt with when u had a baby with a married man who lives out of state and only wants her to be a secret
You didnt put him on b.c. so u cannot get c.s. u will need to get a paternity test and an attorney to file these docs in court. It’s very expensive!
Do u have his address? He will need to be served with the focus in his state.
Be happy with the lil money he gives and just move on.
U had a one night stand with a married man and got preggo and hes never going to be there and leggally not forced to be there…u messed up
Focus in being a good mother and father to ur daughter and stop the drama
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This is all the absolute worst advice I have ever heard. You cannot force a grown man to do what is right. Seriously is what little bit you would receive in child support worth traumatizing your child?because it will especially if she is forced to spend time with complete strangers without her momma. You ladies are making this about the other woman it’s not it is solely about the child save yourself and your child a whole lot of fear and stress just walk away. God will lead you to someone who will Love and except you both and never allow either of you to feel second best. If baby’s father wanted to have either of you in his life he would have already done so when you told him you were expecting. End of story.
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He’s responsible for telling her NOT you…u don’t want child support so take the little bribe money & mind your business which in real life is your baby🤷best of luck
You can’t dictate his relationship with his child unfortunately - unless their is immediate harm to the child.
Um he ruined his own life. He’s not a father. I would reach out to his wife and tell her, she deserves to know. If you know the adress you could even just send her a letter instead of instant messaging her.
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His wife should know. Period.
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Hes either to step up or he shouldnt be there period. File cs if he wants to be in her life publicly and all the way around💁💁💁 tbh if this was me hed have two choices
A. Man tf up
B. Stay out of he life.
Of course id tell her about her father and once shes old enough to understand id sit down and talk with her about everything.
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He can’t keep a child from his wife. It will come out eventually. I would just let him make his own decision. Ask how committed he wants to be because you aren’t going to hide anything. If he doesn’t want to be in her life. Move on. It’s more of a headache and he is the one missing out
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If he said he wasn’t telling her I would. It involves my childs well being for one and for two she should know. And how are you ruining his life by asking for child support of your child when you didn’t know he was married and that’s his own fault.
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Can’t block your daughter from knowing her father.
His wife should know. You didn’t ruin his life, he made his choices.
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I would tell his wife and I would also file for child support. How many other one night stand babies does he have?
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He ruined his own life. Do what’s best for you and your baby. He should’ve been honest before any of this happened. If hes not on the birth certificate he has no rights but he is able to petition a paternity test if he chooses. Research the laws in your state before making any final decisions
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I’d just file cs and let whatever happens happen from there. He probably freaked out because hes making more money than you know about and doesnt want to pay. Maybe he shouldnt have cheated on his wife? She deserves better and deserved to know in my opinion.
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Walk away from him, if h really wanted to be in his daughters life he would. He’s playing games and disrespecting you and his wife.
He has no respect for the children either. Get child support and ignore him your daughter is just going to be taught that’s how women get treated
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File for CS. Cease contact. Focus on raising your daughter. Whatever happens on his end is not your problem. If he wants to be a part of her life he can request that through the courts. Stop letting him have a hold on your life.
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he’s trash 
but anyway … If he can’t tell his wife you should & I’d file for child support too. He didn’t give a fuck ab his wife. Fuck his feelings . Sorry for the sailor mouth but this subject hits hard for me. Cheaters are PATHETIC.
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I was raised by my mom, but she made sure I knew my dad. We were in different states, and a similar situation; mom didn’t know dad was still married.
Having him in my life has made my life that much better 
It was difficult telling his wife, but my mom put me first. I’ve watched friends grow up with an absent parent who wasn’t around much, and it didn’t really do much good… I know that isn’t the same for everyone, but it’s what I’ve seen the most.
Put your child first, whatever that takes. File for child support if you need it, and make him own up to the fact he’s a father to your daughter. It takes two to make a baby, and he made that decision to cheat on his wife. Or don’t, and cut all contact and raise her with a strong independent mom. Take control back of your life, don’t let him dictate the terms. If he wants to be in her life, he needs to make the effort and NOT have a secret relationship. That is unfair to your daughter, his wife, and any siblings she may have!
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I would tell her hes wrong for not telling you hes married actually hes a piece of cr*p.
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Not your problem or your kids that he cheated. File that child support. He is just as responsible for that kid as you. Your child is not a secret. Your child is worth more. He should pay support. And he should love her publicly or step away. Not hide her.
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First , you have done way too much to protect him and his life.
It’s time you do what’s best for you and your child.
Don’t worry about ruining his life, he made that decision consciously to be with you.
Get that child support, and what happens, happens.
It’s really not your problem he didn’t tell his wife.
Gurlll, boss up!!! Sometimes you have to fight for what’s right, don’t lay down and take that crap.
He’s in the wrong, period.
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Wow. You closed the case? He’s trash! Go after him for CS and contact his wife
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File child support. His feelings dont matter. He stepped outside his marriage and created a child. Now wants to keep her a secret? No. He can explain to his wife why he is paying support and man up and be a father.
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File for child support and cease contact. His wife deserves to know. It’s not fair to her or your daughter. Don’t let him dictate your life because he wants to play house with his wife.
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He should continue with the child support, and also his wife should know but YOU shouldn’t force him to act like a father. He already ruined his duties as someone’s husband so he should pay your child support and his wife should get some compensation if she chooses to divorce him as well
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File for child support. If he wants to surrender his rights he can petition do so.
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Your responsibility is to your child… Not to fix his marriage… Not to keep his secrets. You owe him nothing. Go get your baby’s child support if he can’t handle being a man and owning his choices tough titty that’s not your problem. You can’t force him to be in the life of your child but you can get her the support she deserves
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Take his ass for child support.
Blast him.
Tell his wife.
Make him pay in every aspect for being a lying, cheating, POS.
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First of all, if you were married and your husband cheated on you and created life, would you want to know? You do what you think is right and best for you and your baby. Let him deal with himself, that’s not your or your baby’s burden to bare!
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File for child support, no matter what he has to say about it. Unfortunately, yoy can’t make him be a father, no one but he can and it doesn’t sound like that’s what he wants. That doesn’t absolve him of his financial obligations to your child, though.
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He says he wants to be a part of her life IN SECRET? Hell no! A baby isn’t a shameful secret. I’d walk away from that piece of garbage. If he wants to be truthful with his wife, that’s on him. If you are comfortable being and independent mom, that’s even better with no drama.
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Sooooo because he won’t leave his wife for you you’re going to cut all contact! That sounds like spite because you’re just as much as at fault as he is. You both did something stupid. You slept with someone you didn’t KNOW and clearly not for long or you’d of known he was married. And he cheated on his wife. But you both created that child. A child HE WANTS TO BE A PART OF. NO NEED FOR YOU TO CUT HIM OUT
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So you failed to get to know somebody first. Well, what’s done is done. File for CS again and let whatever will be, be.
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why make his life easy …while your the one caring for yur daughter n raising a child is very expensive she deserve more than what he is doing for her …its about her prayers to you that lord have favor upon your daughter
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He obviously doesn’t care and is only worried about his life.put that boy on cs and then you won’t even have to tell the wife anything.the papers will tell her everything she needs to know…
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Have you checked out birth control information?
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File for CS now. He needs to be financially responsible for the child.
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You aren’t in any way wrong here. You didn’t know he was married and you tried to be civil about it all. That being said, he made his bed and only being in that childs life as a secret is so low of him. That baby deserves so much more. She is priority or he doesn’t get to see her. 
He shouldn’t have been cheating. You should go for child support just to make sure you guys always has what she needs but just try to stay amicable. Although… I want to kick his ass for you 2.
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Don’t be scared. Get what’s yours and drag his ass into court for child support. Don’t worry about the wife it’s his problem. Get what your child deserves.
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The CS is not for you, it’s for the baby. File and get what your child deserves. His wife will find out eventually.
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He should either step up or step out
Either way cs should be payed
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Hell no be the better person and TELL HER she deserves to know what a piece of shit he is and guaranteed you aren’t the only one and take him for child support stop letting him treat you like crap he’s the one that screwed around and you deserve better and so does his wife
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Some of you people are horrid. So because he’s married and wants a secret relationship with this child, it’s her fault? Fuck that. I’m a bitch, so I would show up on his door step and say his daughter wants to see him. Right as they were sitting down for family dinner. His relationship with his wife is not your problem, nor your priority. Your baby is all that matters.
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If his wife doesn’t find out now, she’ll find out in 18 years (give or take- depending on when your child decides to search for her father) do what’s best for your child, NOT HIM! He’s already not doing what’s best for your child!
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The wife has a right to know
You got pregnant by a strange man? Wow…
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Everyone makes mistakes … you slept with someone who kept his marriage secret. Doesn’t mean the child’s a mistake Or deserves to be a secret and if my husband ever went behind my back I’d want to know, regardless of it hurting me or not. By you putting him on child support he can own up to his part in it and his wife then has a choice to stay or not. It isn’t fair to her or your child that it’s a big secret.
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I’m so sorry you are going through this. I would tell him he can be a full time parent or not one at all.
To be completely honest he will probably never be what you want him to be. I’m so sorry but it will probably save you a lot of stress and heartache in the long run… a blessing in disguise if you will. But for the love of God tell the wife what a piece of shit he is!
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Takes 2 use his name if he can’t face up to what he got going on force him to
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Turn your back seriously. Go file for custody and child support. Stop protecting him and start protecting you. In the future be more selective of the men in your life
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She absolutely needs to know, I would want to know!
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That baby is just as much worthy of the respect and finacial support as the other child. If you love your child, then you will go after what is rightfully theirs. If not you won’t and you will struggle with the inner demons that come with not standing up for yourself and the innocent child you are carrying
Iv been in this same situation, I found out mine was married and had 5 children 
I offered time and time again and bent over backwards to try and do what he wanted.
In the end I told her and he walked away from his responsibility.
That was 9 years ago and iv never looked back, he was toxic and I would never of wanted him around my daughter.
I went on to meet someone else and I’m now happily married with two other children, he doesn’t live local so I have no fear he will ever come for my daughter and as far as I’m aware he still spends his life lying and hiding from the truth.
You need to tell the wife as I dare say your not the first and will not be the last.
Be strong and put your daughter first she will only ever need you xx
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I would’ve told the wife because she deserves to know. And who cares if you ruin his life. Reopen that CS case. You need help raising her financially and he needs to be a man and see his child.
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You can’t make him physically be there or play the part of a father but you can make him financially responsible. He doesn’t wanna be there ? His loss…
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Unfortunately you cant make men be a dad but you can get the money that it rightfully hers to help with her upbringing
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Girl I am so sorry he is being this way. Your daughter deserves better and you deserve better and so does his wife!!!
I would continue the file for child support. Don’t let that fuck gaslight you into feeling guilty that he cannot take responsibility in his own life.
You both made the choice for this girl - you shouldn’t have to carry his responsibility and his consequences.
Girl go get what you are owed!
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He wants this precious innocent child to be his dirty little secret just so he doesn’t look like a bad guy. Fuck that. If he wants a secret relationship with his child fuck him off. That daughter of yours deserves a father who is proud of her not ashamed. If he can’t man up and take full responsibility I’d be cutting him right off
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Give him a chance to go to court and set up child support for her. Then if he doesn’t take his ass to court. My guess is that he still has girls on other locations. Wise up and don’t let him off. It’s your daughter who will suffer and your not giving her a chance to know her father. If he doesn’t want to be in her life then its not your fault.
i was in a similar situation. he had a girlfriend i found out about after the first trimester. he begged me to get an ablrtion and i agreed. but he had to come up with the money for it. he didnt. i had my beautiful daughter and at 18 weeks pregnant i told the girlfriend. i ceased all contact with him and im raising my daughter and her siblings and im married now! life gets easier when you cut off toxic.
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The wife deserves to know. His other kids deserve to know they have a sibling. And your baby deserves to know the truth when it gets older.
You all deserve better, I say out his lying ass 🤷
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Take that man for child support, your daughter is entitled to… she is also entitled to survivors benefits if an unfortunate accident happens after his wife finds out 
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Priority #1 really think hard if you’d like your child to be a secret in both ends or not and actually allow your child to grow and glow without the walkouts, secrets and lies!
There is no playing when it comes to raising kids. It’s life and reality at it’s best. If you believe you don’t need his help, then do so on your own. If not, let him know the world isn’t cheaper with babies and collect for that roof!
For most, as a women. Stand up and allow the wife who’s sacrificing her time in life with what she believes existence is still love there yet,he’s out working and fucking!
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