I have a miscarriage: How can I move past the pain and bitterness?

I am a proud Momma of 2 kids and one stepson and in a good relationship of 2 years… I was on birth control IUD and ended up getting pregnant; things weren’t good at first. We were not planning and already had three kids, so went I found out I was, it wasn’t a happy start. But when we saw that ultrasound… everything changed. We loved this new little one and were excited and talking about bottles and all the things. I was told the IUD needed to be removed. I asked her to be super careful, and she was; it didn’t hurt at all, so I thought we got this!! That day no bleeding or spotting, and a few days later, I started to lose the baby. My heart broke and is still so broken. I was angry with God… Why! WHY get pregnant on birth control just to lose it! But then again, I think that maybe it would have been worse later during the pregnancy, and God was telling me more heartbreak. This all happened in May. I’ve changed… I’ve become bitter, and I don’t want to be and need advice on how to let go. I am blessed with the children I have, but I do also care about my Angel Baby. My kids were not aware of the pregnancy, and they still don’t know (we were going to tell them once I made it through the first trimester. I want to let this anger and bitterness go, but I don’t know-how.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I have a miscarriage: How can I move past the pain and bitterness?

Give yourself a good year before you start to feel like yourself and don’t beat yourself up I had a stillborn at 8 and a half months

give your self time… you are allowed all the bad and good feelings…something traumatizing happened to you. just say to your self that every day you will try to be less bitter, it wasn’t something that you had power over. sadly it happens… prayers for you

Sorry for your loss. I understand your sadness. There are reason for everything even though we don’t understand it at that time. Count your blessings and be thankful for what you have. That might help to heal you. I’m not trying to be insensitive or rude. Been there.

I’ve never lost a baby I’m so sorry prayers to you
But give yourself time it’s not easy momma. My sil lost her 3rd recently like I told her " grieve take time when your better let the bitter go and know God needed her for a reason"
Hugs to you.

See if there is a grief councilor in your area or maybe check out some of the groups here on FB that have people with similar situations. Talking about it will help. Hearing how others cope and handled the situation will ultimately help you in the end.

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It takes time. I had 2 back to back miscarriages… It’s been 3 years and I still have days that I struggle. You lost a piece of you… I don’t know that there’s any way we ever really move on… life moves forward but we always remember we just just to rebuild our lives. Sending you lots of love

Grief counseling…
Babe honestly I don’t know what to do with that…
I went through bitterness because of loss of a grown child. It took YEARS to overcome the bitterness. You have to feel your feels. I think a support group helps. Not just one on one but a group setting. Please try.
Big hugs and lots of love to you. I’m sure you’ll hear a lot of people say things like “ God had a plan” or “everything for a reason” it’s because they don’t know any better and want so badly to comfort you…. They mean no harm. Realizing this was my “step one”

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It wasn’t the right time for that baby to come into this world. You weren’t planning and you already have 3 kids. God doesn’t give us more then we can handle. You are blessed. Focus on what you have to be thankful and grateful for. (Speaking from experience) I’m sorry for your loss.

I experienced a miscarriage after 12wks and I was extremely angry. It took time. One thing that helped was talking about it. I was also angry when I first found out about that pregnancy so when the baby had no heartbeat I blamed myself for not wanting it. Miscarriages are so traumatic. Talk about it. Allow yourself to go through all your emotions. :broken_heart:

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I’m so sorry for your loss Mama. It’s so tough. Give yourself some grace it takes awhile to heal from that loss. Counseling is something to consider…it can be very helpful and can teach you different ways to cope. Sending you love and healing thoughts. :heart:

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May… that’s not even two months. I had two miscarriages in 2019, and still think about them almost daily even though I now have my rainbow baby. It doesn’t matter whether you ever held them they are still your children. From the moment we find out you start imagining their whole lives, how they’ll look, who they’ll be. You can’t be expected to completely have mourned in two months time. It takes time, and doesn’t ever really heal, it just gets easier to think about. Sending you prayers and positive vibes. :heart:

I understand exactly how you feel. I’ve been there. I didn’t get pregnant while being on birth control, but I’ve been in your position. It still hurts to this day. I know it sucks. Give as much time and attention to your little one that are still with you. It’s going to take time to feel normal again, but enjoy your little ones and don’t hold it against them. You may find your healing through them. Don’t give up on God. Keep praying and giving Him praise. Like you said, maybe He saw that things were going to get worse later in the pregnancy and instead of letting you go through the heartache of carrying a baby to term to be born “sleeping”, He thought it would for you to miscarry earlier on. Some people don’t recover from losing a baby so late in pregnancy, or even after they’ve had their baby and it passes from SIDS. I’ve watched my cousin face that battle and she’s still struggling with it, even after having a healthy baby afterwards. Keep your faith. I’m so sorry that you had to experience this. :pensive:

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I’ve lost 4 babies and it takes time to grieve. I try to do something special each year on the anniversary of their miscarriage. It helps. It also helps to join miscarriage groups. There are lots of groups because it is such a common thing that nobody really talks about until they experience it for themselves. Hugs

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I am so sorry for your loss. I have had 4 losses and feel your pain. One was at 13 weeks, 22 weeks, 9 weeks and just 2 weeks ago I was 17 weeks 3 days. I am extremely blessed to have 5 kids that I have watched grow and thrive on a daily. Its so hard and difficult to continue some days but it does get easier. It takes time and lots of feelings will come through you. Feel your feelings I guarantee they are normal. You might benefit from counseling as well to help cope. Sending you lots of love and hugs. You’ve got this!

I’m going through the same thing lost a baby 2 weeks ago and don’t know how to deal with this . I already have 2 kid and my boyfriend didn’t want the 3rd and I talked him into it. My heart is still broken and I dont know how to deal with the pain and nobody to talk to that will get my point. I still cry and can’t sleep thinking what if? Ugh this is hard

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So, I lost mine in December 2017. It wasn’t planned and we were careful but it happened. Went in and everything looked great. The heartbeat was strong but after doing the ultrasound at 6 weeks and 4 days, a few days later, I was bleeding. I kept calling and they kept telling me everything was okay. Went back to the doctor at 11 weeks 4 days and he said the heart beat stopped at 7 weeks 5 days. I had to have a d&c. I was devastated and still bitter about it. I’m not out of age range to have a baby and he doesn’t have any children. I question what happened. What did I do wrong? How could it have been prevented. Should I have waited to go to the doctor? Just all kinds of things going through my mind. I have 2 kids and they were there throughout the whole thing but they’ve seen a side of me that scared them. I wouldn’t talk. I just stared questioning my worth as a mother. I cannot tell you it will get easier. I cannot tell you you will get over it. I can only tell you that even though we question, there must be a reason. My boyfriend says we asked for a healthy baby and while we were excited that maybe, just maybe there was something wrong with the baby that we might not have been able to handle. So, I’m having to kinda see it that way and it gives me a little bit of peace.

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I’m sorry for your loss :heart:

You lost a baby. Take the time to grieve. Utilize counseling. Talk to your partner. As someone that had one pregnancy, has gone through multiple miscarriages and then had two back to back pregnancies while on hormones. It is a lot for our bodies to go through. Take the time for yourself, but know that life sucks sometimes. :heart:

I think it would be beneficial to have a little memorial even if it’s just u, so u can at least say good bye

I’ve lost 6… It hurts for a while. You’ll go through the stages of grief… Seek counseling or therapy.

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Counseling and look into Reiki or some other form of healing. Your grief will stay in your body if you are having trouble letting go of what happened to you.

Gotta go through the stages of grief. After time the pain will dull but never really go away.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m praying for you momma.

I had a miscarriage at 3months and my rainbow baby ended up being born on the day I miscarried!!! It was really hard grieving but I soon realized I had other children that needed me to be strong!!! It takes time though…so take all the time you need…so sorry

I just went through losing a baby as well after over 4 months. I completely understand. Plant a tree or do something for a memorial. Name the baby. Prayers for you! I’m so sorry

You will heal in your own time :two_hearts:

I completely understand where you’re coming from. I have three children at home, but i have had several miscarriages and half of them occurred on birth control. Some were early, some were halfway through. Nothing anyone can say is going to make the pain go away… but you’re not alone. Please feel free to message me, i would be glad to be an ear to listen. I’m SO sorry.

U have others thank God for healthy children. God took that baby for a reason. Besides what would heaven be like without children

I’m sorry for your loss. I went down the deepest & darkest hole of my life when I lost my first pregnancy to miscarriage. The pain caused me to make some really horrible decisions which almost ruined my life… I wish I could tell you a magic way to make it all go away, but unfortunately, I never found one. The only thing that helped me was time & eventually I was able to open up & talk to others about my loss… Which helped. For the first 2 years, I couldn’t even bare to talk about it. You just have to do your best not to let it consume you & remember you have other babies to live for, & cannot allow yourself to be completely lost in this grief because they need their mama.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I have a miscarriage: How can I move past the pain and bitterness?

Anger is a valid stage of the grieving process. Sometimes you can get stuck in a stage, but it is possible to move forward. Sometimes you may need help with some counselling.
I went through a similar situation. Found out I was pregnant and be the end of the week, the bleeding started and we lost the baby. My anger came out towards the indifference I received from emergency staff. The doctor told me I should be happy with the 3 live children and ‘at least I had them’. It Completely invalidated the child I lost. It was out of my control, I felt lost with sorrow and angry I could not prevent it.
I found peace, found out through the process that I would not be expected to carry any more babies due to a medical condition. So over time- I sold and gave away all my baby items. By a miracle, we fell pregnant with my son. I still remember my angel babies (it was my second miscarriage). But it is a sorrow and hurt I will always remember. Peace comes in its time once you got through your stages of grief. Talk with your partner and share your heart. My husband grieved with me and it did help.
Hugs to you, light and love. It is no light burden to lose the ones we carry.

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7 stages and be honest with your other kid’s.,if they don’t know they won’t understand what’s happening with you.
I see that you have faith…keep with it.

Pray… God can give you another one… Anger is understandable but not towards God. Keep praying & believe!

I had my 3rd miscarriage in May. My son was looking forward to sharing his bedroom with the new baby. My family was ecstatic.

I’m still grieving. It took me 4 years of being depressed to get out of the funk after my first two miscarriages.
I think this one hit me harder because I had a suction D&C. I lost the first two naturally.

It’s going to take time. I’m not okay, there’s nothing wrong with that. I can’t talk about it without tearing up.

Be good to yourself. Remember, God knows what he’s doing.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I have an angel baby as well. There is no sure fire way to get through stages of grief. There is no book or road map. Each person’s path is different. I joined a group. It helped me when I knew that I wasn’t alone. Don’t try and rush though your grief. In my experience, rushing it, bit me in the butt. Here is the group. There are local meeting and online meetings. Link below.

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Keep strong In knowing God is with u and going 2 get u through it. Losing a child at any stage hurts and i wouldn’t wish it on any body. Prayers for u and the family. If it continues maybe seek counseling not only 4 u but 4 ur family. Sorry 4 the loss and idk if it helps but maybe it will help if u just think it wasn’t the right time or meant 2 be. Grief has it’s own timeline and being angry at the situation is a very valid response 2 ur loss. Just know many people have been in ur same situation so there are many groups to help u understand and move past the grief. I wish u well

Grief is terrible and if your angry then be angry if your angry at your god then be angry I was very angry with the gods I still to this don’t understand how I could have a 4% chance of having twins to only end up having both be still born being angry is normal the more you try not to be the more you will be

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It sounds like you haven’t grieved or allowed yourself too grieve.

Truly am sorry to hear this.

I had my first pregnancy and miscarriage in May of 2019. I was angry. I grieved as one should. You will eventually move on from the anger. It will take time. I was angry for quite some time till I went back to work.
Still angry but distracted.
Talking to those who have been through the same thing also helped me understand more.

All your feelings are valid. If you can seek some counseling or confide in a friend.

Truly hope you heal!

It’s completely ok to be upset and angry. It’s one of the most horrid things a woman (and her family) can go through. My husband and I lost our very 1st in 2016. It was absolutely devastating and the worst experience of my life. Something that you wanted so badly but have no control over is what gets to you. I was in and out of the hospital not knowing whether I was going to lose the baby or not… it got to the point where I begged God to just please give me an answer and moments later we lost our child. I still have guilt and I still cry over that loss. It doesn’t go away but as time goes by, you learn to accept that it wasn’t the right time. We ended up having a beautiful daughter the following year and she is the light and joy of our life. A gift that has made me see how truly blessed I am, even though I still grieve. I wish you nothing but strength in this process. Just know you are not alone and you will get through it. One day at a time :heart:

Stay strong keep ur head up. It wasnt meant to be. I miscarried my first pregnancy in jan 2017 one month in and it broke me. Feb 2018 miscarried again at 2 weeks. Then mar 2018 we conceived our rainbow boy. Happy healthy 6lbs 2oz 18 and 3/4 long. Born 12/12/2018. Keep faith and just remember it wasnt meant to be. That really helped me. it Wasnt meant to be.

I myself did not suffer such loss but I almost did on my second one in 2000 but I’ve seen and shared the pain anguish and anger with my best friend who had 3 miscarriages and 3 tubular she was a wreck for a long time but someone told her that God had other plans for her she lived with that to help her cope well sure enough a few years later she adopted a beautiful baby boy right from birth he fits in the family like he was born to it then few years from there she was giving the gift to adopt from birth a girl she also fits. There will need to be a grieving period but remember you are not alone talk to someone and have faith God Bless

It took me ten years to finally start healing. Allow yourself the time and space to grieve bc if you don’t, it will sneak up on you when you least expect it. I had nothing tangible to hold, not even an ultrasound, so I went to Things Remembered and created an ornament that had my child’s due date and a loving quote about seeing my baby again in heaven. I gave my baby a name, even though I didn’t know the gender. The biggest thing is to not be too busy to grieve and talk to others. It will get better, but give yourself time.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I have a miscarriage: How can I move past the pain and bitterness?

My heart breaks for you, but I’m a woman who couldn’t have any children at all. You have been blessed with 2. My life is so empty since my husband died unexpectedly in a hurricaine. I’d trade places in a second.

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I’m so sorry for your loss :disappointed: I’ve been through two miscarriages. I think being bitter and angry and every other feeling you have is normal. You just have to feel them, work through them and with time you will start to feel less anger and hurt. But your angel baby I hope you always celebrate that baby and your love

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Hugs and prayers I am so sorry keep praying

Tell them and you can do this together.

Grieving is hard. We all grieve in different ways. I have gone through 2 miscarriages in my life and there no easy way to handle it. My first miscarriage was over 11 years ago and I still think about it. Getting pregnant with my daughter soon aftet my miscarriage sort of helped me (im not saying go purposely get pregnant.) You may never fully get over it. But focus on your kids now. Do all that you can with them. Stay busy and keep pushing forward. Know that your angel baby will now always be your guardian angel and is with you always.

I’m sorry. I’ve had 3 miscarriages. Everything you are feeling is the normal part of the grieving process. There is no right and no wrong way to grieve. Be gentle to yourself. This is not your fault.
Find a local support group for pregnancy loss. Or even an online support group. It will help you realize you are not alone in this journey.
You are in my prayers

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Ironically, ask God to help you through it.

Trust Him, even when you don’t understand what is happening & why.

If there is anyone who understands the death of their child … it’s Him.

And as difficult as this subject is, your child is now with Him. You can meet them one day. And it will be for an eternity. Yes, you were robbed of their presence here, and you’re child gained eternal life immediately.

I weep :sleepy: because your hurting … and I pray that God show’s you a “glimpse” of the … joy set before you.

  • To all of our beloved children. :innocent:
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I have a miscarriage: How can I move past the pain and bitterness?

we can all tell you or attempt advice but until your physically, mentally and emotionally ready to be passed the stage of loss that’s when it will be hun… I am so so sorry!!! Hugs to you​:cry::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::heart:

Iv had 5 losses 2-Miscarriages,2 emergency ectopic surgeries, 1 chemical each one I mourned/handled the losses differently…

I don’t think it’s something you truly get over, as a woman. It’s a big emotional connection when you hear that heartbeat, see that ultrasound and know there’s a life growing and dependent on you.
Time heals the broken heart and hurt. Ok I hated hearing that at first. But it does. I don’t think you ever just get over it and forget about it. But it just gets easier, and the pain isn’t as bad.

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Oh im sorry :green_heart: i have been through one. It takes time. We planted a tree in our yard that spring.

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Give yourself time to grieve! I’m so very sorry for your loss.
You won’t ever forget…but you will.move on.

So sorry for your loss. It’s a heartbreak I wish none of us knew.

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Nobody knows but god,but I got pregnant on birth control,my baby girl was born very sick.She lived only 16 days.I went on to have 2 healthy kids,grown now.My heart is still broken in a way,but I’m not sad all the time anymore.

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Take time to grieve and maybe find something to remember your little one be it a symbol of some sort ,maybe an angel figurine . Or sit and write about your feels and put away somewhere safe or you can burn the letter the smoke goes to heaven ashes go into the ground . We never forget our little ones that were only apart of us physically for a short while even 30 years on I remember mine :heart::innocent:.

I’m in the same boat but I miscarried at 17 weeks …it definitely changes you and I got ptsd from it according to my Dr…I wish I knew how to cope with it but I’m in the same boat paddling with you

Its not easy to let go. I lost 11. I have 3 healthy babies. The last one I lost at 5 months about a year and a half ago. The pain is at a manageable level now but I still think about that baby every day. I think about all of them. There’s no easy answer or solution. Maybe therapy. Or finding a group on Facebook to help deal with the loss with other parents who have.gone through it.

It’s not easy. Your pain is valid. I’ve had to miscarriages both were surprise babies I wasn’t ready for but it doesn’t make the pain any less. It’s like losing a part of you. I have 3 healthy boys and a baby on the way though and I find happiness in the people I know love me and support me no matter what.

We lost 3 babies before getting one this year. 2016, 2017 and 2019. The first two were early so we didn’t get attached, doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. The last one though, we lost it at 10 weeks. We both got a tattoo in the same place and same thing…“too beautiful for earth” with angel wings and a rainbow. So very sorry for your loss, it doesn’t really get earlier just like any other loss you just learn to deal with it. Much love hun :two_hearts::two_hearts:

I had my third baby back on Jan & got on the depo shot early February , on the 19th of this month I found out I was pregnant , just to find out on the 21st I was in the middle of having a miscarriage! I was soo excited to be hurt . Sometime we may never understand , but they are always with us no matter what happens! Keep your head up Momma , there’s always a rainbow :rainbow:

Grieve then love again

I’m sorry for your loss. I struggled for years to get pregnant in 2013 it happened my daughter was stillborn at 38 weeks my first child. 2014 I had a miscarriage. Skip to 2020 I had my rainbow baby. January of 2021 I had another miscarriage. I question why to. Why do I get pregnant just to lose my child. It’s hard. I don’t think we will ever really understand. I’m so happy to have my son. The heartache doesn’t go away. I still cry for my babies and wonder why me. I can’t give you an answer or tell you how to feel better. From one angel mom to another I’m sorry.

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I got pregnant on Mirena, but they left mine in, but we also didn’t know til I was 19 weeks.

I’m sorry about the miscarriage. I never miscarried but I did lose my baby boy when he was 3 months old (4 years into being a grieving mom) take it one day at a time. Sometimes one moment at a time. There’s grief anger and its real. Your emotions will be all over the place. Have a support system. Grief will creep up on you, even if you think you have gotten past the the stages :blue_heart::purple_heart:

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My daughter was stillborn over 4 years ago and all I can tell you is with time it will lessen the constant pain and resentment but it never goes away. You just have to take care of yourself and grieve however you need to.

Give yourself grace you are still fresh into grieving. You had a lot of feelings and hormones on top of it. Be mad (don’t take it out on anyone), cry, throw yourself into a new something, get yourself a remembrance something. Do what helps you to heal personally and together with yourself partner.

You never really get over it mine was 22 years ago you just learn to live with it you wont forget it

Ive been through 10, you gotta give yourself time to grieve and go through the stages. Its never easy and you will always have a place in your heart for your rainbow baby. Hug the babies you have a little longer and know things will work out again. I was ready to give up (had an appointment set to get fixed) but a month before the appointment found out i was expecting ( had the mindset here goes another loss) but here i am 27 almost 28 weeks along. Its never easy but it will work out.

I’m so sorry. My advice is let yourself grieve. Memorialize the baby in a way that helps you move forward but still acknowledge. (That was advice I was given) talk to your partner about it when you need to. Perhaps a therapist? Try to stay busy. Plan events with your children and try to embrace your time with them because it does go quick. This will not be easy but over time the load will lighten up. You will learn to cope. Acknowledgement is the first step and your doing that and trying to help
Yourself. Stay strong mama.