I’ve been a stay at home mom for the last several years. I have five kids. My relationship with my other half has been rocky. I forgave a lot that I shouldn’t have simply because I didn’t love myself. Now that I’ve been working on myself this last year, my feelings for my other half aren’t there anymore. I’m always thinking about how dirty he’s done me. And even though he’s been better the last two years or so. He still doesn’t appreciate anything I do. Or value me. I know leaving is the best. But I also know he’s gonna try and guilt me into feeling sorry for him. This isn’t gonna be easy. I’m gonna be a single mom to 5 kids, basically with nothing to my name. (We aren’t married, and almost everything is technically his) … I need some kind, encouraging words. Advice etc. I love him. Always will. But I’m not in love with him. I’m finally choosing happiness. For so long, I just wanted to give my kids a family dynamic, but it’s not healthy for them either, and I’m ready to break the cycle
Leaving is never easy, but it ends up being so much less stress! Don’t play the “feel sorry for him” card. He is just as responsible for the children as you are. Father will have to pay child support, DO NOT handle it yourself! Make sure ORS in your state gets involved. Sometimes you may have to get sneaky to find out where he works, but do not feel bad about it if father tries to get out of paying. It took 2 people to make those kids, it will take 2 to support them. Be nice, make sure the children are not in the middle and still get equal time with both parents. Always remember, no matter how bad he was to you, if he didn’t abuse the children, he still should be dad. Good luck, trust me, it gets so much better!
There’s churches that can have donations for people that are in the same boat don’t be ashamed to ask for help for your kids you can do it if you really want too good luck n if you need help you can always pm me xoxoxo it took me 10 years to get away from my 7 year olds dad n I swear I started over more then with him then without him girl your gonna be so happy the kids belongs belong to the kids period do what you gotta do momma I’m hear if you need to talk or help plan anything for you or help you may need
If you have parents to fall back on and you can afford a legal fight, leave. As long as you don’t file for child support, he might leave you alone. Not having financial power is very hard.
Im PROUD of you for finally choosing yourself and your happiness over a man and a toxic relationship. Move on and dont look back. YES its gonna be hard, but you are stronger than you can ever imagine.
Can you financially support the children ,alone?who will provide day care ,after school care ,do you have a car ,a dependable car,where will you live,Is your job secure ,do you have insurance ,can you take off when one of more are sick,will you loose pay ,how will you make that up???do you have money saved if so how long will that last,you need a SOLID plan before you do anything
Do u have a job and a place to live ? I ask are you able to support yourself and your children. Do any of your kids belong to him ? Find a safe place to live. Alot of towns have housing and if you are homeless they will usually put you to the top of the list. Make up your mind your gonna do whatever it takes to make it on your own. I left my ex after 10 years. It waa not always easy but I made it. You can too. There are options for you. Look into what your area has to offer.
I decided that this will be the last year I put up with my husbands shit. I’m a stay at home mom and so I’m in a similar boat. If I left today I would struggle with my 3 kids so… this year I made a goal to become independent from him. Find a job start a savings etc. Now if during this process I decide to stay with him at least I always have that savings as back up. I don’t ever want to be in the situation to struggle with my little buttheads. Now if he is violent then by all means get out now but if you can stay and figure out a way to leave when you are more financially ready then do that. Or don’t it’s your life but I think it would be much easier on you guys.
Look into what you have available to you in terms of community resources. Build a support system of family and friends. Do your best to split with your partner amicably, he’s still a resource too, and they are his kids. If you guys can hash out a cooperative parenting friendship… your kids will benefit from it immeasurably. Include him in things for the benefit of their relationship. Support his parenting bond and he will respect the hell out of you for it. Sometimes it feels like you are making things too easy, but that should be the goal. Your kids need their dad and they need you. They shouldn’t feel caught in the middle. If you two need to fight, do it when you can without the little ears around. Bite your tongue until the right time, this also helps keep your words kinder. When things seem unmanageable take a break. Remind yourself that things are temporary and a step to getting better.
First of All Good For You! You and your kids deserve better yes it may suck you might not have matieral things but thats not important! The Love you have for yourself and your kids is whats important! A leopard never changes spots honeymoon periods last short term… Live your life for You and your kids!! Im Happy for you its tough to leave I give you an Aplus for courage I know how you feel and being unappreciated is the shitiest feeling in the World!
Breaking the CYCLE is the key word because besides you teaching yself to love YOU u will also be teaching your children the same thing and sending a particular message that the way YOU were treated is not how healthy relationships are . I’ve been there and had to re build my world to show my children that dysfunctional relationships are not healthy so GOOD for you .
You got this More than anything. Tell him there is no going back on what you decided you realized your worth and u choose your happiness and your kids and with that you are pleased. You can do it you are amazing and beautiful❤
praying for you . I was in an 8 yr relationship with my kids dad . I didn’t have nothing but my car and clothes I left .never let a man guilt you . We both had faults and communication was just awful and I went through some of the same stuff you have Been through it’s tough . I lost myself horribly but I got out of that . . kids don’t need a perfect mom they need a happy one it’s been hard being a single mom it took a lot of healing but I’m loving who I’m becoming . my boys have literally helped me without them idk where I would be they taught me to be stronger . go for what you want you and those babies come first . I found peace and have a good paying job . Coparenting has been hard but I push through
Leaving will make him appreciate you a tiny bit for his own selfish reasons being that he feels bad he made you leave but he won’t care about your feelings and will continue to make you feel worthless. Unless you do it for you and your babies, it won’t feel as good. Then you have to start new with attitudes, schedules, I mean a whole new life that you want to live in (it will be YOUR life). It will be tough, trying to teach the kids to treat each other and you better. You have to stay calm but firm with everything you do. Live your life where no one carrys you (meaning live like under a microscope) keep it simple. You carry yourself and the accomplishments and secrets. One day you will be able to share them with the right people. People will not be there for you like you would think they should be or maybe if you were there for them. People honestly think about theirselves and lady you HAVE to do that for yourself now. If no one is there to even listen. I will be the one to listen it is so hard (trust me I know exactly how you feel) I have two and it was rough and still is sometimes, it has been over a year but we (boys and I) are happier we have more structure and those moments each day where they listen and love me keep me going!! I promise there won’t be light for a while and you have to do everything to the best of your ability. Feel free to message me. I promise I will be there for you. KEEP YOUR HEAD UP SWEETIE! Save as much money as you can. You need a plan.
Sending you lots of prayers and comfort. You’re brave and smart and free now. It’s all going to be beautiful now. Now that you found your power…you can do anything you put your mind to. Breathe. Take it one day at a time. Make a list of county resources. Support groups…even domestic violence groups can help if it was that toxic and he controlled u and belittled u and even financial abuse you survived and now it is time to find those people just like u and u will rise above…just call your local resource line…health and human services can help! Xoxoxox
I gave my partner chance after chance. I was so unhappy to the point I didn’t want him touching me. He took me for granted. One new years, my resolution was to give him 3 strikes, he wouldn’t know it tho because I tried to tell him so many times & even warned him. One day strike 3 happened, I left for the weekend with my son to stay with family & friends, it felt so good! I came back, walked up to him and said “I’m sorry, but I’m done. I have no feelings or energy left.” He begged to talk and I said “sorry but no, you had all the chances, but nothing changed, nothing was good enough. My mind is made up.” …and that was that. I stayed cool & calm even tho he cried & shouted at me. They just want a reaction. Dont react, stand your ground, no matter how much you want to scream. Cool & calm. You’re happiness is so important! Happy momma means happier kids. good luck!!
Your children need to see their mother happy (you). Regardless whether he is good the kids or not, if youre not happy with him- it will show. Kids arent stupid… don’t stay just because of the kids. Many women (and men) stay in a relationship/marriage they are not happy in ‘because of the kids’. The kids can tell when their parents arent happy…
I learned a few years ago that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. You are strong and can do this! Just always keep fighting!
It’s not going to be easy but if you truly feel the way you do staying in the relationship is not only going to make you unhappy but your children as well. Good luck to you. You got to do what makes you and your kids whole.
Lifes to short to live with someone that you are not happy. Put your faith in God and He will show you the way. It won’t be easy, but he will stay by you all the way through.
I have ALWAYS said I’d rather be alone n be happy then to be with someone n be miserable, even with kids involved. They need a happy home far more then being someplace that EVERYONE is not wanted or welcome
Same situation and I left and it was the best decision I ever made in my life. Being with someone out of guilt only eats away at you. The road after is rocky I can’t lie but it’s one you won’t ever look back at. Go for it girl, you only have one life so make it the best possible life for you
Oh girl…all I can say is first find a job. And child care. Apply for section 8 it’ll take a minute so do it now.
Establish credit as well if you haven’t. I really hope you have family and parents to fall on because that will help alot.
I also hope you have a vehicle that is yours as well. Good luck mama
Stay strong and stay the course. You are the only woman/mom to go through it. Things will be rough at times but you just have to remember that it will be better in the long run.
This sounds similar to my story 4 years ago. It was the best decision I’ve ever made for all involved. I currently have an amazing job, my kids are thriving, I’m engaged to an amazing man that treats my kids and I the way I could only dream of being treated and I just bought my first home this summer!! Dream big and never look back. Things aren’t always easy but I always make it out on the other side standing tall.
You got this mama! You did the right thing choosing your happiness. Not everyone is strong enough to do this especially with 5 kids. Good Things happen when you least expect it.
Are you currently with my ex husband?? Seriously tho I did this. I was a single mom for 2 years until I met my amazing other half. Before I moved out, I got a job. It was a crappy job at a fast food restaurant but it was still a job. I also found an apartment with our local housing agency. There is help out there
as long as e everyone is safe you need to put on the brakes and do this the smart way. which is to find a guide to leaving. it has lists of things to do. you will be grateful you did this. and it may not matter that you never married you need to do the footwork before you run.
My best advice to you would be to take a trade school course it doesn’t take hardly any time and you’ll have a good paying job You can also start maybe a small daycare center until you get your school done
Leave him , take him to court for CS and then get yourself a job. You will be fine, him maybe not so much and that’s just too bad. Its never as bad as we let ourselves believe. You got this !
I left after only 3 years. When zi realuxed zi was ecoecting my 3rd I refised to go through another 9 months trying to convince him that a doctor didn’t go to school for 8 years. Spend another 4 eorking yo get his lisence ang goi g i to debt for over $100 so he could molrst his patients. The arguments after every appointment laster a week or more and exhausted me in addition to being pregnant. His mother. Rird and told me that there had never been a divorce in the family so zi couldn’t leave him. He devided zi had a boyfriend who forced me to leave because he treated me so good yhat zi had no reason to leave him, that he only hit me when I deserved it and thst zi onew what I had fone todeserve being hit, poked punched and kicked. My .other had finzlly changed her mind about my saying he wasn’t treating me and the girls good and agreed for me to stay there for a while. It took my zister next in zge to me kess than a mi ute to get up, dress and get down to the kitchen when mom called her to ask if she would take me to pack up to move out. I got away from him but had a new set of problems to face with both mothers until my youngest turned 18.
Tell him how you feels a plan and stick to it tell him what u need and.expect o. The side put up mo ey check into housing and jobs and di t say anything you cant or are not ready to do
Prayers for you & your kids. You must take of yourself. You want your kids to look at you as a contributing person in life & have RESPECT for you. You must respect yourself so you can be a whole complete person. GOOD LUCK IN ALL YOU DO.
Married or not you get child support
Make sure ur stable and if possible some money saved, its gonna b ok, keep busy and stay positive
You got this!! If you are happy the kids will be happy!!
I was a single Mom with 5 kids. IF your partner is good to the kids, STAY. At least until they are older. I wish I could have.
Its never good to stay in a toxic relationship. If you got family that can help maybe you can stay with them for a few. You got this and never let a man guilt you. You got this and hope everything works out
Once ur finally there… RUN!!!.. I did the same currently have 2 kiddos n 1 on the way about to be due. A happy mom makes a happy family. I
Everything i do is for them n im dedicating myself to them regardless of anything. Its been so hard especially being pregnant but i know its for the best… good luck mama… u can do anything u set ur mind to.
Leave him. You deserve happiness. Make sure to get child support.
First of all your not married and the guy is treating you like crap Why would you have 5 kids you need major help cause decision making is not one of your strong points at all way to mess up your life You are hopeless
My parents have been together for 36 years my whole life. They have fought terribly in front of me and my brother. It is now coming to me as I’m a mother myself that I didn’t want my son to see me and his dad fight. I left. I am still being abused by him to this day. All I can do is focus on my mental emotional well being and be strong for my son. It’s not fair these children have to go through this. It’s not our fault always remember that. I’m proud of you for reaching out! That’s all u needed to do! Xoxox
I’ve been in the same situation for 40 years with a post traumatic stress Vietnam veteran! It’s never been easy even to this day. Same situation I had three kids and when they were little there was nothing more I wanted to do then take them away from the home because of the dysfunction that I feared may affect them. I had no money even though I worked two jobs to pay the bills all those years so there was no place I could go. And then I wondered what life would be for them if I was able to go, then they would go to daddy’s place with a new girlfriend, or stay at mommies house with a new boyfriend if that happened. Then I would have my kids away from home and with another woman in the house that I didn’t even know. I couldn’t trust that. So I stayed all these years, and just separated myself the best I could and tried to keep my sanity that way. If I had a bunch of money I would’ve left, but I’m not that mom that can just go out there with three little ones and live on welfare in an area that I wouldn’t prefer. So for my kids sake I stayed and didn’t investigate any other alternative. Now my kids are grown they’re all in their late 30s, and I’m pretty much on my own come and go as I please and just settled it with myself that I would live the best life I could alone and try to be happy, which I am. So I totally understand your situation, And I really feel for you. I don’t know if you have five little kids or some teenagers but all I can say is if you can stick it out until they’re out on your own and then maybe you can part ways. The only other alternative is low income housing and maybe not such a good life for your kids. So I wish you a lot of blessings and I hope you can be at peace with your situation! God bless you!
First of all, find out what the laws are about common law marriage in your state. Also in Alabama there is a group that will fight for mothers in your situation. I don’t know about your state. I left a toxic relationship after 30 years with practically nothing. God has got you and he will wrap his arms around you. You have to take care of yourself first, so you can take care of those beautiful five children.
I have been and still am in your shoes. I also am a single mom of five myself but not by my choose he left me for someone else when I was 8 months pregnant with our fifth child. So our pain is kinda different but kinda the same. So it’s been almost two years since he left. I will be straight honest with you it’s the hardest thing ever but I also promise you that you are a mom and whatever you do you do it for them that even means getting up every single day even when you just want to give up but you do it for them. There are so many days I just want to give up but I don’t for them. Yes I have tried to end it all and that was my lowest point in life but you know what I’m truly glad I didn’t. I’m still working on myself every day it’s extremely hard most days but I push forward. But my advice is that even when he does the things he does to pull you back and yes I fell back but I keep pushing forward. Everyone that knows me knows I’m so much more better and happier even though I don’t see it but they do. All he was doing was keeping me down all the time. We never had anything for ever long always lived with others because when he had money he would go blow it. I’ve learned so much within almost two years that I never saw in 13 years. But I promise it will get easier. But you have to remember a few things. Baby steps is the first thing. Taking day by day and nothing more because like I stated before some days are extremely hard. And you have to think what is best for your children and yourself. And also if you have a support system that’s the best. If you don’t then find you someone you can trust even if it’s a therapist they helped me thru so much even if it was to just go in a cry they listen and help where it’s needed. I’m still in all the learning processes myself but I’ve learned so much. Don’t let any man hold you back from your true potential. I wish you the best of luck and know if you ever just need to chat I’ll listen. Hope this helps and hope you have a wonderful day.
Call Jewish federation . they can help.
I was with my guy for 15 years…4 kids and I wanted to leave before but he said he would take the kids bc I have no job. Was a sahm too…recently he cheated on me and left us for that girl with nothing!!! Get out while you can if you feel this way…run bitch run
Good luck if you don’t love him
Think about it good. Best of luck
Keep tellin your story. Good luck sister!
Congratulations I’m proud of you for seeing your worth and moving on for you and your kids unhappiness. I was with a guy for 13 yrs and he was a great guy in some ways but all the lies and cheating I couldn’t take anymore and caught him with my so called friend. When I left he kept everything so I started over with my 2 granddaughters and myself. It was hard at first but I new it was for the best cause I was like you everytime he came back I took him back until enough was enough. That was 6 yrs ago and I fee like a weight was lifted off my shoulder and we are in our own home and we are so much happier. Stand your guard and dont back down you can do anything you set your mind to. God bless
I was with my husband for a total of 14 years. Our situations sound alot alike. It was rough at first but now the kids (3 kids) and I are doing wonderful. I felt bad at first but now him and I are both happy and our kids are happier than ever. You will struggle at first but you have to remember those babies look up to you.
Alot of u have been real ly hurt lol wow.