The father absolutely deserves to know he has another child out there. Especially if he’s clearly a good father! A child deserves to be given the chance to know their father. I understand your worries. But this isn’t about you. Remember dear, it’s about what’s right for your son.
2 Likes
He has to to do his DNA and then they give you where you came from and you have do research yourself on people you are related to
This made no sense whatsoever.
9 Likes
Whatever happened when you were 17 is in the past. The future is what counts. Everyone concerned deserves to be told the truth. That will prevent later resentment and more hurt. Just tell the truth. Your child loves you. It would selfish to keep this to yourself because you’re scared “he may choose him”. You have to put your feelings away for a moment and let them have their time. However they choose to deal with this. I found out there was another man that was the father of my middle daughter. My sister took away the chance of explanation. She told my daughter before I could because she was angry with me. I wanted to make sure my daughter was old enough and mature enough to understand. Fortunately my daughter and I worked it out. The man she grew up knowing as her dad is still her dad. They love each other. Unfortunately her biological father is not in her life. It was her choice to do as she wanted with the truth. Don’t let someone take this from you. You have to tell him. God bless all of you.
1 Like
Your son deserves to know who his father is. He deserves to know who HE is.
I’d go to my grave w that 1…wouldn’t say s*** if l had a mouthful…u in a mess girl…good luck
Thats not how it works. You have to have the DNA test done if you really want to know if he is the father
8 Likes
I feel confused here…
7 Likes
How do you as a women not know who fathered your child, unless you very active with many others…?
8 Likes
Get a DNA before you make a decision.
2 Likes
Okay I was 16 when I found out who my biological dad was… I have another man raise me from 6.months old until the day he died.(I was 20 at the time) i was literally so pissed at my mom from hiding it from me. I would deff let him know and if he wants to make contact that’s on him… I never made contact with mine and I’m okay with that
6 Likes
Lmao you’re beyond trashy. And you definitely didn’t find out through an ancestry app that he’s the father. Please quit lying n stop trying to destroy someone else’s life.
10 Likes
You should atleast tell him.
As a mother of three, who was introduced to my stepdaughter when my youngest was a baby…I was originally upset, but never at my stepdaughter, and quickly got over it. It was more about him having a relationship with his daughter, and all of the children knowing each other than any thing else.
3 Likes
Definitely let the father and your child know. I grew up believing my Dad was always someone else. The person I believed was my Dad did not seem to really have a connection with me. He never was really there for me and I always felt unloved and not wanted by him. I found out at 34, he was not my father. The man that actually is my father was extremely grateful to know. He has an amazing wife and three sons that also have children. The thing that hurts me is not getting to grow up with my siblings. I didn’t get the opportunity to grow up with this amazing family and getting to know them. Now, if I go to visit my nieces and nephews have to get used to me all over again because they live in another state. It is especially hard around holidays and birthdays because I wish I could be there but I also have family here too. Another thing that is hard is my biological Grandpa passed about 8 months before we found out the DNA results. I never got to meet him. I have heard great stories of how wonderful he was. My Biological Grandma is really sick. She doesn’t seem like she knows a whole lot going around her. I wa so angry at my mom at first . In fact, I still have my moments with her. After she had me, she told my biological Dad’s family I wasnt his. I know he should have pushed for a DNA but my mom moved around alot and moved us out of state when I was young. They were both young. She had me at 15 and he was 17.
Please, please tell your child. They will be mad at you but it will be better than them finding out as a grown adult. I could have gotten closer with my family and met my grandparents before anything had happened to them. It’s crazy seeing my Dad 's side now, I know I belong there and just feel so connected to them.
2 Likes
I wouldn’t contact him saying he IS the dad. I’d contact SAYING there is a possibility. If he refuses to acknowledge you and the child then leave it at that. Just continue life as u have been. When the child is old enoughto UNDERSTAND the truth, MAYBE explain it to him. But dont make the potential father’s look like pigs, bc you were also to blame. So make sure u let him know how you were at 17.
1 Like
I think you should tell him for your kids sake but also get a paternity test done asap
2 Likes
You should tell the father, he should be allowed to know his son and vice versa, that shouldn’t destroy his family, the wife should understand if it was before her. It will be awkward af but you’ll make it ! Good luck!
2 Likes
Where’s admin deleting comments on this post like they were with the married woman pregnant by side piece post??
7 Likes
Ppl are very different at 17. Our brains aren’t fully developed and we don’t always think things thru, happens as adults too. I’d contact the possible dad, see how he reacts. And I don’t think you’re being selfish, hell, you’re asking for advice at least and looks like you’re trying to figure out the right thing to do. Not an easy situation, and really easy for ppl to judge
2 Likes
Tell him before its out of your hands. If your sons dna matched with his, he already knows and may be acting on the info already (think custody, etc)… If your sons dna didn’t match his ‘fathers’ then technically you have no proof who the dad is. Getting that proof may be a first step, if so… knowing which situation you are in would help shape how I would react
Just tell THEM
It’s not right to keep a parent from their child or vice versa
3 Likes
You should probably also tell the guy who thinks he’s the dad that he’s not.
5 Likes
Tell the father, my dad had a son at 17, but the mother just moved on and she never saw him again. Obviously your son is interested in his history which is good. Just tell him. If he is a true friend he would understand and welcome with open arms. You can split time during holidays, if your son loves you he wouldn’t choose one over the other. He can go to school and live with you during the school year and spend summer with him. He would have more fun that way! And if there already was a suspecting father you need to be honest with him!
Get a DNA test lol didn’t know by looking at ancestry you could look it up 
1 Like
Wait, doesn’t the dude you were with while pregnant and had the baby with think he IS the father? I’m confused on how your son doesn’t know ANYONE as a Dad. There is stuff missing…but ultimately tell them.
4 Likes
Literally does NOT matter how/why this happened… or what judgement people have… such a waste of time. Brass tacks… you have a son who has a father that doesnt know about him. It is NOT ok to hide that information in anyway whatsoever. Reach out to father immediately; have that conversation first to get a gauge on his interest and response. THEN talk to current man (who thinks he is the dad) and THEN talk to Son. who the heck cares how you got here… but you are here now and need to take action. Good luck lady.
4 Likes
People…Ancestry has DNA tests which is probably how she found out.
Some rude asses on here. Im sure you all are perfect.
That being said. If you are scared to reach out personally…
Then do it through ancestry…i have met a lot of family members on there that didnt know about me.
If you need to chat about it…my in box is open
What is up with females and just fucking anyone and making a baby then ‘discovering years later’ that someone else is the father ?!
Sorry, but you are MESSY.
You deserve everything that karma has for you, sweetie.
Good Luck explaining and ruining peoples lives.
You people put you business out there for everyone to read and solve your problems. How can you do thay. These probleems need to be worked through yourself . Grow up people use common sense and deal with it! You people make your own bed…Quit putting all you business out there. Grow up.
8 Likes
I feel like you are obligated to tell them the truth. What your son and his father decide to do with that information is up to them.
3 Likes
Let sleeping dogs lie, no sense in opening up a can of worms
4 Likes
How does ancestry .com have to do with proof of him being the dad ??? … Not being a crab just wondering…
2 Likes
Why did your youngest go live with his Dad is that what you want your 11 yr. Old to do so you can be alone
I would tell the guy, and let him do what he wants with the info. I wouldnt he worried about him getting custody but if he gets a dna test he absolutely could get visitation.
4 Likes
Talk to the dad first. There’s nothing worse than being told you have a dad and he wants nothing to do with you than not having a dad at all.
I met mine when I was 16, 29 now and we still have nothing to do with each other.
Would have been easier not knowing he existed at all imo 
5 Likes
Welp… you got yourself in a pickle!
First off… Does your son think the man that you were in a relationship with when you got pregnant with your friend’s baby is his father? What is his relationship with this man?
Second… I would reach out to the bio dad and Third I would tell your son the truth and let him decide how he wants to handle it. He may not want to reach out to his bio dad or he may… but the decision should be his not your’s because you are afraid of being alone. That’s not fair to the son or dad.
5 Likes
This is a tuff one I would leave it up to your son what he wants to do so no regrets and good luck I hope all goes well❤️
1 Like
Why is this funny to me… Idk, but it is
Girl if you are 100% proof positive TELL HIM NOW DONT WAIT. I made that MISTAKE with my son and waited till he was 16. All kinds of resentment going on up here.
5 Likes
I’d confirm that he is the father with your old friend. Once there’s a confirmation, discuss your child with him. If he decides he doesn’t want to partake in your child’s life, I’d wait to tell your son about him.
5 Likes
Just tell the old friend before telling the kid and then he’ll probably want to confirm with DNA then after he will see what to do with the information
5 Likes
Tell the dad first…he might not want your son in his life…then you know what to tell your son
1 Like
You must tell dad and tell son. Even though its hard, your boy deserves to know who his father is and then let the chips fall where they may. Everything works out the way its supposed to
3 Likes
Tell the dad and get a DNA test. Just because ancestry says hes the dad. Doesnt mean its correct.
7 Likes
Wow… Its a mess. First you need to be sure 100 % before you tell your son. Be sure you tell both that they didn’t know about eachother. You son needs to know that this man didn’t run out on him. I think its best you get it all out on the table, let them decide where it goes from here" from the time they know for sure). Good luck.
2 Likes
Technically if ancestry is telling you he is the dad, it should be telling him he has a son. So he and his wife could already know but are not sure who or how to contact this kid.
7 Likes
Ummm , yeah so my mother knew my whole life up until her boyfriend opened his mouth during a argument they had and i had alot of resentment against her for a long time , found out about him when I was 13 and meet him when I was 16 , then when I was ready to finally talk with him I found out he died last December ,
Yeah I’d tell them both asap , especially if you don’t want your son to resent you the way I did my mother , that’s just not something I feel you should keep from your children , I was broken … It hurt me bad …
Edit , I had a father whom I believed my entire life was my daddy and will alwayd be but he even knew I wasn’t biologically his … He raised me as his own though but it still hurt me …
2 Likes
After 11 years I just found out the person I thought was my kids dad isn’t in fact his dad. I reached out to the biodad and let him know. We still have mutual friends and they told me he knows and has read my messages, but he won’t respond. I hope you get better results than I did. I don’t want money either, just my kid to know who he comes from.
1 Like
My two grandchildren got can text by mail. According to that they could not be sisters. There is English on both sides and nether one showed English. Cost them 100.00
I think the best way to go is to tell the dad you had ancestry done and it says he is the father, and that you would like to confirm that for your sons sake and nothing else. If he says no then you can only tell your son his dad may or may not be this other man… it will likely be difficult for him to hear though. If he obliges and it turns out he is the father then you tell your son. And make sure you emphasize that you did not know, and he did not know.
1 Like
Tell them both and ultimately it’s their decision. You will never lose the child you will always be their mum and you don’t want resentment there. My mother made that mistake and didn’t let me have communication with my father till it was too late and he passed before I got to make that choice. I’m 28 and only just started seeing that side of my family.
I don’t mean to be disrespectful. But how could you not guess he was the father??? were you sleeping with another guy ?? Or more? So just who did you think was the father of your child?? And if you did Ancestry & it says he is the dad, that means he also is aware that your son is his.
3 Likes
You would need to test DNA first. Don’t ruin a marriage when you don’t know for sure.
4 Likes
Tell him! I wasn’t told who my real father was until I was 17. I had known someone else as a father my whole life and I was heartbroken that he wasn’t my birth father. I feel like it would be easier on the child if you tell him as early as possible. And even if his real dad doesn’t want to meet or know him, it is still important for your child to know for health and ancestry reasons.
Sounds like you need to speak to a professional counselor, then reach out to the dad. He has a right to know his child. You haven’t done anything wrong, you just found out
1 Like
If you were the child wouldn’t you want to know who your dad is?! Or, if you had a child out there somewhere that you didn’t know about wouldn’t you think it’s right you know?
2 Likes
First get a dna plz be sure 100% for your son sake
3 Likes
How can an ancestry test tell you who the father of your child is? So did the guy do one too? If he did wouldn’t he get the same results as you? If the guy you were in a relationship wasn’t the father then how did you not know the other guy was…or were you having sex with more than the two guys? If the kid wants to know who his father is then tell him and get an actual dna test to confirm it.
3 Likes
Don’t go by your Ancestry conclusions. As far as I know that is gauged off you right? That is what I read. Did your ex have a DNA test? Is that why you think your old friend is the Dad? I would be positive before doing anything. Don’t rock his marriage if you aren’t sure.
5 Likes
If you found out on ancestry because the father also submitted dna then wouldn’t he have been told he had a biological match.
Assuming that it was dna that you found out.
4 Likes
I would call the father FaceTime him or what ever and let him and my son know he is his dad. Then let them decide if they want to meet.
I didn’t meet my dad til I was sixteen. It was a similar situation.
Tell your son. Be upfront. Tell the father. Explain you don’t want anything from him, but give him a chance. I’m building a great relationship with my dad now as an adult and it’s an amazing feeling.
Your son loves you, don’t stress.
3 Likes
Ancestry .com isn’t telling you who your damn kids father is 
1: Are you still in contact with him?
2: If you are ask if you can meet up for old times sake.
3: After ordering, slide him the DNA Results…
4: Talk calmly about the test.
5: Let him know you are not after child support.
6: Tell him you’d like him to get to know his son, only after he has talked to his wife to find if its ok, with her.
7: Tell your son the truth.
How do you not know who your babydad is! Pretty sure woman know only girls who sleep around don’t know! And yea your son deserves to know who’s his dad is. Do a DNA test first
5 Likes
DNA test is the only Accurate way you will know…think hard, before you act…
Try to get in contact with him, explain the situation and tell him, he has a right to know.
Leave it in his hands to decide what he wants to do with the information.
Leave it alone unless he needs a transplant or something leave it alone later the boy can tell his dad if he wants to or if he even wants to know
Do a DNA test. That’s 100% proof, not anchestry.
3 Likes
They both have the right to know. They deserve to know.
1 Like
First share your findings with the Dad and see his reaction. Get a paternity test done if he is game. Does your Son believe someone else is his father? If so I would tell him next. I don’t think you should keep things from your kids but 12 is a rough age… if this man wants nothing to do with him document it, write your son a heartfelt letter and give it to him in a few years. Also you just found out your son shouldn’t be angry with you but that doesn’t mean he wont want to spend time with his Dad. This could be a nightmare or a beautiful thing, all that is important is that you are supportive to your son.
There is more than DNA to consider. There cld be legal challenges. I agree he wld like to know his background. Ancestry may be your best bet for advice. They must have experience in how to approach this information. Since you seem concerned about doing the right thing maybe start with them.
So how does ancestry work if u haven’t done a dna swab from either?? That’s weird .
2 Likes
How accurate is that?
Write him and his wife a letter explaining everything you wrote here and I agree get the dna test before telling your child and only put his name on the envelope so he can show his wife (but still address the letter to both of them)
My mom kept my father a secret for this reason and passes away never telling him or anyone else who my father was. I was raised by a good dad, but I’ll never know that part of who I am because of her. Sometimes it hurts. Don’t withhold this. He needs to know he has a child and the child needs to know who their father is. It’s selfish not to tell
1 Like
Contact the dad! If it is on ancestors.com the child’s paternal family will find out. Somebody will reach out. I personally think it would be better if it came from you. And let him discuss it with his current wife, before his outside family can wight in or cause problems. Also discuss with the child’s father that your son wants to know, he’s asking questions and you don’t want to lie to him.
They both have the right to know each other exists. It was 11 years ago and you didnt know until now. They should be able to handle it like adults (the father & his wife) as for your 11 yr old. If you feel he is mature enough then tell him. He has the right to know & have this time with his dad.
1 Like