This will be a long read, but please read it. I am 20 years old and confused and frustrated. I’m having trouble with my boyfriend, and I feel like I’m in denial and/or ignoring clear signs that he is cheating on me. We used to have really great communication and trust. But it seems like since we’ve gotten more serious/closer, it’s like we’re having consistent issues. There was one specific weekend back in November where he lied about being out of town, I saw him in the background of one of my friend’s videos on social media, and indeed he was not out of town; he was in our city. I asked him why he lied, and if it was easier for him to lie rather than just tell me he didn’t wanna hang, he said yes. That whole situation was weird because we are with each other every single day. There would be no reason he wouldn’t want to see me for a whole weekend. I’m the one who wants and needs my personal space and alone time. So anyways, past that now, several weeks back, he went to the doctor, and we go to college, so they automatically supply you with condoms. He brought them home, threw them in his drawer, and I didn’t really think much of it. At this time, I was very confident in our relationship; for a split second, I thought, “why doesn’t he just throw them away?” But I didn’t really care, and I let it go. WE do NOT use condoms. That’s why this is significant. I have found other girls’ hairs before in his room, I’ve addressed them a few times, but he’s a boy and hasn’t vacuumed his carpet in months. Hair just gets picked up and dropped in random places. I am blonde; I was finding black/brown hairs. I let it go. I shed a lot myself. But just a few days ago… I hadn’t slept at his house for a few days. I went into his room, simply moved the pillow that I sleep on every single night, and there was black synthetic hair underneath the pillow. Mind you… it was not there 2-3 days ago when I was sleeping there… so how did it all of a sudden get there? He got defensive. I said to him, please don’t mistake me for being dumb. He got angry, and I was walking out the door, and he said “we’re done. We’re done”. He broke up with me. Two hours later, we were back together. He was texting me about how we have no trust, and he has no reason to cheat, and I just accuse him of things so that I can go off and have fun with other guys. Simple, not true. He admitted to me the other day he used to cheat all the time with his previous girlfriends in college, but at this “point in his life, he doesn’t want to do that anymore.” I would also like to add we have a 10/10 sex life. I mean immaculate. This is the real kicker. Last night for whatever reason, I checked the drawer where he put the condoms. Last I checked, there were 16… now there are 14. His friend was over, so I didn’t bring it up. I went to bed and didn’t speak to him at all. I left this morning without speaking to him. I literally recounted three different times. How do I bring this up to him? How do I avoid him manipulating me into believing he didn’t cheat on me? How do I go about admitting that I looked through his drawer? He’s going to get defensive about it, and I know it. I wish he would just admit it; it would make things a lot easier and make me feel like I’m not crazy.
It sounds like he is and you deserve so much better. Please know your worth <3
I agree with the user above. Its hard to leave the relationship. trust me i ended up walking out on a 11 year relationship. but if you are not getting what you want out of the relationship and you have feelings like gut feelings that he is cheating or you have seen something that connects cheating habits then back out! you are only 20 you have a whole life ahead of you ! trust me i know its hard a first but it will get better with time! Hopefully you have some amazing friends that can be there with you to help you out !
Leave him and find someone else that doesn’t do stuff like that
Girl you’re 20 years old. Time to move on and find better. Both of you are young and in college and if things are like this it will never change.
He’s cheating on you and you know it also you’re way to young with no strings break up and move on with your life
You don’t have to bring it up. You need to leave him. You already have your reasons and he doesn’t need an explanation because he already knows!! Stop wasting your time!!
If you know he’s cheating why are you staying in something that makes you miserable? You are very young with your whole life ahead of you and this is not love…this is a toxic relationship and he’s already proven to you that he will lie to you without any remorse…you are setting yourself up for failure by staying…I’m sorry but just because the sex is good that doesn’t mean anything…he is young and in college not most men are ready (especially these days) to settle down…I know it’s hard but he just wants his cake and to eat it too…do not confuse orgasms with love number one mistake people of all ages make…
Your only 20. Move on. Your way to young to be worring about this.
Leave. Move on. You deserve better.
Please just walk away. You’re young and deserve better than having to play detective. At this rate you’ll catch an STD from whoever else he is sleeping with, get pregnant or both. It’s not worth it. Just walk away and enjoy your life. You have no ties to him
By him saying that YOURE looking for something so you can go hang out with other guys is him projecting his guilt on to you. You have all the signs right there in front of you. Let him know that you want to have an adult conversation about how you’re feeling and what’s on your mind and if he can’t sit there and listen to you without getting defensive and turning it back around on you, then he isn’t the one for you. Don’t feel bad about going through his things either because he has not reassured you in any type of way or had a real conversation about your concerns so it really leaves you with no choice but to figure it out on your own. I’m sorry you’re going through this but remember, everything will work out the way it’s supposed to 
He has no respect for you and doesnt treat you as an equal if he will lie, cheat on you. Leave
Leave ! Move on your 20!
He will get karma served to him …and you will be reward once you let go of the crap 
You are young and you want to believe him. With that said, you know what is going on. You want our permission to say leave, so run girl. Run and don’t look back. You deserve so much better.
Leave , move on , you’re so young and shouldn’t ever have to wonder if someone who loves you , is cheating on you. If they love you , they dont cheat , nor would they avoid you in social situations or be lying to you. Do what’s best for you , run , get away from him and never look back!
Just leave him. No point in keep bringing it up to him. He isnt going to admit it. Leave before he gives you a disease.
Don’t confuse temporary people with lifetime expectations…that’s where the trouble is
That is tooooo much work and energy to put into someone to just have to ask strangers if how you are feeling is justified and how to bring it up? Lol what has happened everytime you have brought something up? Lol don’t bring it up dont justify it, just be done! No excuses no hesitation just be done for YOU AND YOUR OWN PIECE OF MIND💞
Yeah I’d just be getting my belongings and telling him you’re done and cutting all ties. Block on everything and that’s that- you’ll find much better and you’re way too young to deal with stuff like this. You’ll find a real man
Do your future self a favor and break it off. Even if he’s not cheating, and it sounds like he is to me, he’s drama and toxic. It’ll hurt your heart for a little bit but not as much as you’ll hurt dealing with this long term. Trust your gut and move on, girl.
Always trust your gut…if something does not feel right-something is NOT right. Also if you are having unprotected sex with him and he is cheating you are playing a dangerous game of contracting an std. Please be safe and trust your gut instinct.
You already know the answer.
Trust your gut and walk away.
Just stop. Leave him and don’t look back. You already know. You said it yourself. He will make any excuse possible to keep you around. Just stop it right now and be done. DO NOT let him string you along for the ride.
You lost me at "there is no reason he wouldn’t want to spend the whole weekend with me, I’m the one that needs my alone time and space
Really, you don’t think he needs time and space without you
Life time of that??? Run for the hills
Just break up with him and move on. It’s not worth the drama and the fighting. If you really can’t see yourself trusting him, just move on.
girl trust yourself and leave this toxic situation ASAP! Why cause yourself this much pain and self doubt. Your young you’ll find more men that can give you that 10/10 in the bedroom if that’s what your looking for because if you were looking for more then that you would already be gone I would think.
10/10 tell him to kick rocks his behavior won’t get any better and if you are doubting your own self and what you think/know is true that’s already gone to far in manipulating how you feel to be healthy p.s. there’s better sex to be had and if u can’t find someone handy toys will do u just fine 
Save yourself time and just end it. You know he’s cheating. Don’t go through the heartache
Leave! He dosnt deserve an explanation. He will try to pin it on you by saying it’s your fault he’s cheating WHICH IS NOT TRUE. Good men do exist & you’re young. You will find someone worthy if you stick to your guns
Move out and fuck that shit , you are too young to deal with that
Quit making yourself feel crazy, you can leave him without having to explain yourself. You Don’t trust him. Walk away
Don’t bring it up to him. Leave. Now. He’s a narcissist and he’s manipulating you and making you feel like the bad guy and making you feel crazy. You’re not crazy. You’re correct. The longer you stay, the worse you will feel about yourself because he will continue to make you feel crazy. He’s not going to change so your only option is to leave. I have been through it and you won’t really see how fucked up it all is until you’re looking back at it in the future. I know it sucks but cut your losses and move on with your life.
I would just leave him and not come back. He’s cheating all the way and clearly doesn’t value you. He doesn’t deserve an explanation or any more of your time.
Always go with what your gut says. You need to find yourself another significant other who loves you the way you need to be loved. Took me three marriages and a life long struggle to not read into what was right In front of me the whole time. You are young as hell. You need to walk away and never look back.
You just need to leave girl. If he is gonna straight up lie and then tell you it’s easier to lie to you, there’s no reason to be with him. Hope all goes well!
Hes cheating… Ugh… as soon as you mentioned the condom thing at the beginning of your post… Instantly I was like… Yup some went missing… Huh?? That’s exactly what happened when I found out my ex was cheating on me.
Just walk away. He is a habitual cheater and that’s not gonna change. It has nothing to do with you or your sex life. It’s just who he is…
Try to sit down and have a conversation with him and ask to see his phone
Leave don’t waste your time. Its something you can’t get back.
Do. Not. Waste. Your. Life!!!
If theres no trust theres nothing. U will drive urself crazy and allow urself to be treated less than u deserve. U have all the facts so the question is what are u gonna do about it? If u choose to ignore the facts and stay fighting about what u already know is doing nothing but taking ur peace. Ur teaching him how to treat u, someone can only treat u the way u allow them to. U deserve better. Know ur worth.
As much as it hurts just take all of what you just wrote at face value Bc that is what it is. It’s all there in front you, you just don’t want to accept it for what it is Bc you’re scared.
Leave before you get pregnant and have to deal with him the rest of your life. A life sentence to a man at 20 years old sounds pretty terrible. Sure you can leave him but after a kid stuff is so much more complicated.
If you leave now you never have to see him again and can actually heal from the trauma he has caused you.
Every single person that commented says leave. That should tell you what you already know. Stop being immature and just leave. You don’t use protection and he may not use it with others. You’re playing Russian Roulette with your health.
You sound like the issue. You are so self centered, that’s a given due to your comment about him not needing to be away from you for the weekend and your tha only one who needs personal space. No wonder he acts that way. Grow up some
He is obviously cheating. Cheaters get defensive and try to turn the tables. Communication is #1 in a relationship, so if he won’t sit and talk to you, you should leave. You are young! 20 is an amazing age, enjoy it. Oh one more question…why wouldn’t your friend tell you he was at a party that she was attending? That’s sketchy.
No need to read it. He’s just not that into you.
Don’t bring it up, don’t have a conversation, just leave. Even if it turns out he isn’t cheating, the lack of trust will doom the relationship.
20?
Move on, find someone that’s worth your time and won’t waste yours.
Okay just break up and keep it that way.
Honey you already know. Save yourself the drama and bullshit. Get yourself good and used to perfecting the art of gracefully walking away from what is not meant for you. At the age of 20 it’s a blessing to master that NOW.
Your intuition is your superpower. Never EVER dismiss that.
When you know…you KNOW.
Follow him, catch him in the act.
My advice. Get it all out of your system before you settle down. Or you’ll feel like you missed out on something in your 30s have fun. Be single, travel read learn. Boyfriend’s right now are a waste of good time. Youth is wasted on the young.
He’s cheating sis. He will not stop no matter what. You need to leave.
Just leave he’s definitely cheating leave now while you’re young before you get yourself stuck in a situation you can’t get out of.
You have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t waste your youth on someone who doesn’t see your value or appreciate you. Let him go so you can meet the man who will love and cherish you the way you deserve. Run darling, this will not get any better. And think on this, what if he gives you an incurable disease? Are you going to allow him to ruin the rest of your life? You deserve better sweetheart. Let him go.
Girl youre young. This is a lesson that you will carry with you forever. A womans intuition is usually never off. She feels it, breaths it and smells it. You know what you know. And youre not stupid.
You’re wasting your time with this man. He’s definitely a liar and appears to be a cheater as well. It’ll hurt but you’ll be better off.
You are so young to worry and stress yourself our with this. Don’t let a man stress you out. Go and enjoy all life has to offer. You may think things will work out and try to compromise yourself and your feels and your beliefs to suit. But trust me…one day years from now you will be glad that you walked away and put yourself first and loved yourself and prioritized yourself. Life has so much to offer…dont let it pass you by
Wow. There’s a lot of cheated paranoid women in these comments. lol
If you’re gonna leave him, leave him because you’re paranoid and not because you have any real proof he is cheating. You can’t accuse someone of cheating with no solid evidence. Regardless, your relationship sounds like a trainwreck, and at 20 he ain’t gonna be the one you marry anyway, so you might as well stop wasting each other’s time.
All these comments are ridiculous though. 
Girl, get out before you get knocked up and stuck with him. Don’t tell him just do it. If he starts harassing you after you leave, change your number or get a restraining order. Seriously. That is the ONLY WAY you will be able to leave him. You aren’t crazy, you just don’t want to believe it. Before long, you will be (if you aren’t already) insecure and have deep wounds that will mess the rest of your life up. It also won’t be long before you are pregnant and throwing an innocent baby into a toxic and narcissistic relationship. RUN before you destroy your life.
My ex used to gaslight me and act like I was crazy because I just KNEW he was cheating on me with his baby momma. I found a red hair on the toilet. She had just recently dyed hers red. Mine was very blonde. He was taking 45 minutes to an hour to drop his son off when it was only a 15 to 20 minute drive. My stuff was going missing and at first I thought it was just misplaced. He was always texting her “about their son” but that wasn’t true. I knew it and ignored it until she messaged me and told me exactly what the f he was doing. Don’t ignore the signs or your instincts just because he tells you to.
Girl!!! You are 20 years old stop stressing over this guy, and go live your best life. Trust me when you find the right one you will not have to question these things.
If you mention 2 condoms missing he will probably say he gave them to his buddy who was there. He will probably never admit it if he actually did use them.
Just leave gurl…all this stress and drama and u have no kids, not married…not worth it. Yr better off single .
Time to say goodbye for ever
If you are having to constantly worry like you are & have constant doubts, there is no reason to continue the relationship. You don’t trust him, & without that, things are never going to be good between you two. I would just pick up the pieces & go while you can!
You are too young be in a toxic situation like that! Don’t waste your time on a boy that is untrustworthy and clearly doesn’t value you. You are better than that and deserve so much better than that. Cut your losses and enjoy being young and single until the right man comes along!
Time for STD/STI testing and close this chapter for good.
You’re twenty!!
Chalk this up as a lesson to be learned! If you have trust issues now, it will only get worse! You don’t need him and you deserve way better!
Do yourself a big favor and move on…never settle because you will regret it later!! Good luck and leave
You can do it!!
He’s cheating in your heart and your gut you know it. Your gut us almost always going to be right. Just leave.
Sweetie, stop letting someones voice overide what you know in your “heart, gut, soul”
Start trusting yourself… Andstop letting peoples words overshadow their actions.
Good luck
Ooof he’s cheating cheating. This sounds like the toxic ass relationship I was in at that ages just leave him honestly. It’ll bother you for a few days but I promise you you will feel so free. I went as far as to find a woman’s earring like a large hoop in my ex’s room right next to his bed and I saw women calling him repeatedly when we were together. I also found condoms in his car and I ignored all of these signs. Just leave. Save yourself the time and leaveeee before he gives you an std
Just because the sex is great, doesn’t mean it’s worth it to stay with him. He’s cheating on you and you know it. He’s getting defensive because he has nothing else to say because he is guilty. You’re only 20, get out now before he gets you pregnant and definitely get tested for stds.
Don’t waste any more time on this piece of trash man, and get tested for std’s
Follow your instincts. If you can’t trust him, there’s no real relationship, I’m sorry. I wouldn’t want to be treated that way. You’re worth more than that, and being with a liar keeps you from finding someone true.
Don’t bring it up just leave and move on he’s a liar a cheater and a manipulater. It will never stop and if y’all are in college he is not at the point in life where hes done cheating…
He is cheating please get an std test. You already know this in your heart.
You are 20 years old
Hes playing games
Leave
Get a job focus on you your goals a better man will come in time
Girl those are obvious red flags! When a man has shown you his true colors the first time believe him. You not being crazy. He is just manipulating you to make you stay because he knows you will fall for whatever he tells you and you won’t leave him. And do yourself a favor and get tested ASAP
If you are already questioning, no trust, signs you can’t ignore. Just end it. Real love and commitment is not that hard.
Plus if you even suspect cheating stop sleeping with him, atleast not unprotected!!
RUN, GRAB YOUR STUFF & RUN. Is it even worth bringing up & allowing the manipulation, if you know it will happen. ( you first need to learn to love yourself & not allow it to continue to happen since you know it’s happening.
Leave & learn to respect yourself before any little boy will.
Hope the best for you. Be blessed & never stressed 
You are young. Move on, life to short for extra drama. Never be second or accept less that the best
Ghost him 
block every number and profile! It’s easier not to see what he has to say or what he’s doing. Walk away it won’t get better count your blessings and peace out
1st of all get checked and start using condoms with that boy if ur gunna ignore all the signs and stick around. He’s lying to you. And u want to continue this relationship because the sex is good? Nah boy bye.
If they lie and cheat once it continues what behavior you accept repeats.
It sounds to me like you’re dealing with a narcissist and your best bet is to leave. He isn’t going to change and you deserve better.
Girl, as you get older you’ll realize, you don’t have the TIME to deal with ANY bs, ANY red flags, ANY mistrust, nothing. There’s something out there better always.
Girl, unless you want to be posting anonymously for advice the rest of your life; heed the God given instincts you have and get out. You don’t owe that man and explanation, y’all ain’t married. You know what’s going on, get out. And like a previous poster said, go get tested.
That guy is just useing you get
Smart get out
If you’re not pregnant, just leave. I stayed in that same shit situation and its not worth it. Cause you’re looking for a hard life.
Find someone that’ll be honest with you.
Speaking from experience PLEASE leave and don’t look back life too short
It’s clear he’s cheating on you.
Ghost him. Leave him wondering why.
Ghost him and he can’t manipulate you into staying or telling you otherwise
If he’s cheated once he will continue to to do it again. Leave now while you can. Get tested. You already know the answer. He is manipulating you.
No need to discuss it with him. Pack up your stuff and leave without saying a word. No need to justify deserving better and he knows what he’s doing.
Sweetheart, you’re 20, ditch the cheater and move on. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Is this even serious, your 20, leave that kid and go find a man who actually gives a crap about you…sex isnt everything in a relationship…hes making you look dumb as to everyone around you…do you want to be the laughing stock of all your friends for not being blind but allowing this
Goodness, do you really need to ask? Having great sex is not the end all. You’ll see as you mature there is more to loving someone, than a physical act. Do you really believe you will be together 40 years from? I know what I think.