I know what I need to do, but how do I do it?

I need to leave, i know i need to leave as the whole relationship is toxic. the man is toxic but i’m probably at fault sometimes as well. i think he is absolutely attached to me atleast it seems like that cause i try and do dishes and instead of going to sit with the baby the man will literally come stare at me like he can’t be away from me. same thing when i try and use the washroom… like my personal bubble is not a thing to this man. i’m getting very frustrated and annoyed. he stays at his moms half the time but has recently been pushing his stays here from a week to a month at a time so i’m getting frustrated.

i watched a show the other day which put my mind into perspective. i’m rewriting history with another man and i just need to be single. how do i break it off easily. he’s the father of my child and we’ve been together about 3 years but i don’t feel like i love the guy anymore.

please give me advice and don’t hound me. sometimes doing what you need to do for yourself hurts other people and there’s nothing you can actually do about it. i know this but i don’t wanna hurt him, i just need to figure shit out for myself. thank you ladies in advance

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I know what I need to do, but how do I do it?

Leave this man. Seems like he’s obsessed you at this point. He is attaching himself to you more and more because he knows that you’re pulling away from him and he doesn’t want to lose that control over you. Men like him are dangerous I’ve been there done that and never will go thru that again whatsoever.

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Run. Fast and far.
Remind yourself that YOU matter. If other’s aren’t happy, that’s not your fault or your problem. This is YOUR life. You being happy is a priority. Not an after thought. Leaving is what’s healthier for you and your child. And tbh, if he’s hardly around, will your child notice?
Now, if your child came to you with this situation, what would tell them?
Make a plan. Talk to a lawyer regarding custody.
Leave.
Get yourself into therapy. They even have apps to facetime therapists. Start your healing and learn to avoid toxic men. Heal your learned toxic traits and live the life you want. :black_heart:

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Tell him time to go!

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Talk to him. Tell him you think it’s best if you split. if worried about safety have a friend come over to be there for you.

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Damn… sorry you caught yourself a best friend. I dunno. My husband and I are like this toward each other. We’re always around each other if we’re together. If he’s working or I’m working we call each other as much as we both want too. Well, he calls me more lol, but still. I dunno what to tell ya. He might not be obsessed he may just love you.

The safest way to do this, is leave, then tell him that you are not going back. Don’t tell him where you are. Don’t tell him that you are leaving. Just get that baby and go as soon as he’s not around.
Then, once you are somewhere safe, you can have a conversation with him.
The behaviors you describe, sound like he could lose his shit and become very dangerous. Do not take any chances.

Well are you wanting to leave the home or have this man stop coming to your home ?? Sounds like his Mom is tired of looking at him as well… that’s way he comes and stays longer now… you’ll just have to tell him your needed space and are not in the mood for a relationship right now…that he needs to go back to his Mom’s and stay there permanently…now you need to change your locks on your doors…and make sure your windows are also locked…and the curtains are pulled shut…hurting him is not really the issue here…will he go away… without hurting you or tearing up your home…

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My husband was acting the same way and here I guess he had other girl friends and everything was turned on me then one day he choke me so hard that my neck was sore for 2 weeks and this happen when I was 8weeks pregnant and that’s when I left and he begged to come back promised to never do that again so I gave him another chance but things between us was never the same and I had a baby, and he tried to have my baby kidnapped in Douglas AZ but one morning when he went to work I packed up and me and baby left and never went back he tried to come back again but I put my foot down told him we don’t need him anymore and for him to start a new life I gave him my blessing. But I’m still trying to divorce him. If u don’t leave something might happen to u.

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Sadly all loss hurts. You will also have a period of loss, there is no avoiding it. So, just do it, get it over with. Tell him the truth. And move on… and tell him he needs to do the same.

You need to worry about yourself and not worry about hurting his feelings otherwise you will never leave, you will never put yourself or your child first because all you will be worried about is “ did I hurt him?” Put your feelings first leave while he isn’t there he’s toxic and got red flags all over him. RUN

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Him being the father of your child is going to make this more difficult. You needing to break up with him is one thing, but he still needs to be around for the child, so it’s going to be a complicated situation. Unfortunately he seems like someone who will not take it lightly & understand the fact that you don’t want to be with him anymore. He seems very obsessed with you & that’s never a good thing at all. I would sit down and have the conversation with him, & have somebody there with you in case he lashes out. I personally wouldn’t let him know someone is there, bc he may act different. Don’t have the conversation over the phone like some have said. Then if he’s pissed, he’s going to show up! Things need to be said in person, not through a phone call or text, especially so you can get the full feel of how he feels & feel the vibes/energy that he’s giving off during the conversation.

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The best in my opinion is Honesty. Sit him down and let him know your feelings and set the boundaries. Because you have a child in common you can’t just cut him off, that can land you in court and eventually you are going to want to set a formal custody agreement filed and fortified in court but first things first. If he doesn’t respect your boundaries, then you may have to get a restraining/no contact order, so I would start documenting everything. Dates, Times and content. If he is as obsessed as you are saying, his obsession could become violent so have a plan for that and don’t let him take your child out of your sight. I would also have a sit down with his mom and let her know what’s up. She may have some valuable insight to his behavior. If you have a close friend let them know what is going and see if she/he can babysit while this conversation takes place. Also inform your close friend that if he/she doesn’t hear from you at least once a week to call for welfare checks. This may be nothing and he may just understand and back off but cover you’re a$$ and have a plan if things go bad. Wishing you luck, Love & Light…:innocent:

This is narcissist behavior! My ex would do the same thing! I finally told him it was over and that I would allow him some time to find a place and move out. During that time, once he realized that I wasn’t going to change my mind, he would constantly follow me around the house. If I went to the bathroom and didn’t lock the door, he would walk in right behind me. If I did lock the door, he would stand at the door and talk the whole time. If I left the bedroom and went to the living room (or vice versa) he was right there. It got so bad that every time I left the house, he would follow me. I once went to lunch with a (female) friend… he followed me from the house, sat in his car in the parking lot, the whole time I was inside, then followed me back home. When it finally came time for him to move out, he refused to go and started getting violent. I had to end up filing a restraining order. That didn’t even keep him away. After the restraining order, since he couldn’t contact me because of it being a violation, he would have other people contact me. He would sit across the road from my house. He would constantly ride by my house. I filed violation after violation. We were in and out of court every other week. He broke into my house, through a window, and stole all the phone chargers, all the pillows, my favorite blanket and my hair straightener. This went on for MONTHS! The only thing that finally stopped him, was me meeting my now husband. He did make some crank calls when the restraining order was finally up, but other than that, he finally got the hint.

You may not be able to break it off and spare his feelings. Sometimes that’s just how it works, but if you don’t break it off, it’s only going to get worse. You said he lives with his mom, but stays with you sometimes. Cut that time back. Change your locks, or have your landlord change the locks, don’t give him a key. Keep the doors locked with you’re home, and start making excuses as to why he can’t come over. Slowly cut the time that he’s at your house back. Or, alternatively, just rip the bandaid off and flat out tell him that you don’t want to be with him anymore. I’m sure he will beg and plead, result to name calling, insults and accusations of cheating, but if you truly don’t want to be with him anymore, stand your ground! I PROMISE you that if you come to him and tell him you don’t want to be with him anymore, he makes promises of changes and you give him another chance, it’s going to get worse, because now he knows that he’s in danger of losing his grip on you and his control over you.

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never mind hurting him , you got to break it off before he breaks you staring at you when your doing the dishes does not sound normal if you don’t own the house consider moving to another city

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Evict him legally, change locks, tell police uou’re scared of him.

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Before you break up with him put every caution into action. Google how to leave. He seems the type that would cause major harm. You need to be safe and he seems very unsafe.

if you 2 don’t live together, change the locks & don’t answer the phone. If your name is the only name on the lease, change the locks & don’t answer when he comes over. Write him a letter & explaining you don’t love him anymore. End of story. If he comes over banging on your door, call the police. And just because he is the father of your child, should never stop you from doing the right thing…and that is let him go

I don’t get how everyone came to the conclusion that this man is dangerous from this post?? Did I miss somthing???

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Reframe how you see his behavior. This is not attachment, it is control. You are not responsible for anyone elses emotions or injuries.

Staying with him because of hurting feelings isn’t going to help your child at all!!! Your feelings are going to leak out and everyone will be miserable

Be upfront about how you feel. Idk your living situation but if you gotta go to a shelter to get back on your feet and find a place don’t hesitate to go there, least you’ll have piece of mind

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This sounds like very sick behavior as in mentally sick your place tell him to leave and that he’s not welcome back. AFTER you file for full custody (unless he isn’t on the birth certificate). Be prepared for some weird behavior a d be prepared to have to call police because he wo t leave

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If the relationship is toxic for one person, it’s toxic for everyone. Your son is old enough to see how you interact. He’s learning every day how spouses are “supposed” to interact.

Call a family lawyer. The initial consultation is usually free. It sounds like you’re not married (?) but you still need to know about custody rights, child support, etc. Are both of your names on the lease or mortgage? Discuss all of this with your lawyer so you know your rights and his rights.

It’s probably not going to be easy, but in the end, it’ll be a relief. You’ll both be healthier. Also look into individual and family therapy for anyone who’s willing.

Yikes you already have a child together? Is this a new behavior? If so please be careful trying to leave.

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Change your locks, get custody of the kids and parenting time in order because he doesn’t have to give them back until them. If u need more ppo

Tell him you want to run around sorryyour gone least its honest

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Just be honest, tell him this what your telling us on here

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I’m sure the reason he’s acting so needy is because he can feel you don’t love him anymore. Just break it off, continuing on with it is just torture for both of you

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Before you go being honest…. Get your affairs in order. Find out how the child custody laws work in your state. You should file something with the courts giving you custody of the child before you tell him.
As weird as the behavior is you describe… you may want to consider a restraining order if he doesn’t take it well.
You gotta live your life for you. Just make sure your prepared to protect your child incase he flips out. Change your locks. Be smart and safe about it.

Well bc you are being honest with yourself and that’s ok just be honest with him as well let him know how you feel you are not the first person to fall out of love with him it happens to alot of ppl im sure you love him in a different way your just not in love with him for a relationship 2 different love just please let him know how you feel GOOD LUCK HUN

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I think you figured it out…when he leaves just shoot him a text after you get his things together and drop it to his mom

Why do we assume he’s a bad guy? Did you say you have another man? You need to split but next time find someone that thinks you’re worth marrying. Don’t belittle yourself by just giving it up. Wait til marriage and if the next guy can’t respect that, then he doesn’t respect you or himself enough to wait. Love grows and if it’s not always growing then there’s a problem. But don’t fall into same trap, love takes time and it’s worth fighting for. Too many think you just toss it away if it doesn’t make you feel good anymore. Love is a special thing. I stayed with my hubby for 35 yrs until cancer stole him from me and we had our share of problems, in fact when the kids were small he felt left out. He sounds like your guy, but I would go through it all again if he was just alive. We worked through almost every situation you can think of including his drug addiction all the way to him becoming a Christian and a youth pastor a few years later. It was a roller coaster ride but we rode it to the end. He was only 52 when he died and it’s been 13 years since he’s been gone. I will never find another him, but we worked through what you are describing because we were worth it to each other. God bless you in whatever you choose but a good Christian counselor can make a difference.

How is he toxic? Because he’s in your personal space or is there more to it then that? Instead of upright leaving I think you should at least try to make it work. Couples therapy or something, especially since you have a child.