I love my husband but am not satisfied: Advice?

First let me start off by saying that I love my husband and i respect him so much…but when we met 10 years ago i was a different person…i didnt care about sex or anything intimate…now that i am older i care about it and he has issues lasting long enough…literally in and out in seconds and he is done…i feel like i am missing out on good sexy time because he cannot satisfy me…we have seen doctors, tried pills (affect his mood)…tried creams (affect me) and used condoms but they take away feelign and i do not like them…sometimes i want to step out but know its frowned upon so i wont…yes he can get me off other ways but its not fun for me…i want all of it and honestly i am lost on what to do…i wont leave him because he is amazing, my best friend and a great dad…i just feel like i am missing out on life and am lost…likehow horrible am i


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I love my husband but am not satisfied: Advice?

Try a realistic strap on? You’ll get the feeling of ‘sex’ more then just toys

How often are you having sexy time? Usually more will help. If you’re going days in between with none then that could be making the problem worse


Foreplay doesn’t have to be limited to the bedroom… a tease or touch or intimate suggestion…cough…or action…double cough here… can be a pda even… stretch it out. Have some teasing for you… maybe suggest that and wind yourself up a bit before the…um… activities??


You’re not horrible at all. Sexual compatibility is just as important as everything else.
Try getting him off orally first maybe he’ll last longer…? Watch some porn together? Try new crazy things? Change of scenery….go somewhere without the kids. Bring back regular date nights into your marriage. Make it fun and entertaining. Get some toys. Dress up.

Extend the foreplay on your end. Consider adding toys to your time.


Have you tried good old fashion sex toys? It could be really fun for both of you and last hours if you want. Nothing wrong with toys <3

Have you tried adding toys? I’ve been told the rings extend men’s erections, and apparently they make vibrating ones to aid your pleasure


Cock ring, trust me get one

You are not a horrible person just because you are not satisfied and want more .
Try to play for longer period of times , adding toys could be a good idea, and do stuffs differently, sex doesn’t have to be always in the bedroom.

Nothing kills faster and is more devastating for  sex than monotony

Well……. You can’t have it all …… sounds great in other ways……


They have Sex Therapists for situations like yours, and if there’s not one local then there’s some online programs that can help.

There’s other methods, too, involving muscle exercises, breathing exercises, squeeze and touch methods, and changing up your diet to help as well. Certain foods are a game changer.

Does he drink? That can definitely cause that lack of stamina.


Foreplay goes a long long way

My husband and me are going to try one of these! I’m the same way

Women are like distal trucks, you gotta warm them up and let them cool down. Men are like a teenagers first truck, fire it up and take off and park it. Add teasing, toys, foreplay or more of it, explore fantasy’s, etc. look into the Trojan extended pleasure spare. It can triple the usual time a man lasts. You do have to use a condom with it, however Trojan makes a condom designed to hit a woman’s G spot and they increase pleasure for the woman greatly. More often than not a woman won’t be satisfied in that department because he’s not lasting long enough, hitting the g spot, or both. It’s not very common for women to reach that :sparkles:feeling​:sparkles: just doing that


Can I ask your guys age? It will help me answer more accordingly

Please know intimacy is hugely important. Just because “everything else is great” doesn’t mean you should be greatful or unhappy. Your feelings are hugely valid. Try a c ring for sure it helps lengthen the time . And to be sure you have tried all the meds? Sometimes different brands help. Or can he go multiple times like could you give him mouth satisfaction then can he be ready again then last longer .

I’m 40 been with my hub s8nce I was 15 we had run into similar issues. We opened our marriage 3 years ago and have never been closer. He us still my best friend and life partner


I’ve heard toys can add a lot to your sex life. You should try them.

Can you explain-he can get you off in other ways, but not fun for you?

Can you get him hard again after he cums ? Or is he just done

Soooo after he gets off, does he go limp or does he stay hard? Because with my husband, he stays hard after and though he gets off quicker, we go round 2 and 3 sometimes 4 unless I’m too sore. You can always try that? It lasts a bit longer after each time dude gets off so worth a try!


Wow maybe coming online to discuss marital sex issues with strangers will help alot

It sounds like you’re putting alot of pressure on him for your pleasure
But tbh toys are your bff explore your body so you can direct him so hes not guessing what it is you want


Toys… use them life changer… many ways to be with each other and still have fun.


Well, quite frankly, you’re doing it backwards. I don’t mean positions, I mean the order in which everything is done.
Just ask him if you/we can start at the part where you get off, and then he/we can get off? Talking about it shouldn’t be as difficult as everybody makes it seem. Good luck. Have fun. :v::wink:


Cock rings and amp up the foreplay. The more turned on and primed up you are, the less time it takes for you to go. Otherwise you can use cock extender sleeves. See if they help. If you like his dick, then get a clone a willy kit and replicate it.

Get some toys that you use together it might help spice things up

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Melissa Jaeger might have some advice :slight_smile:

Health issued can cause this. High blood pressure and thyroid disease. There’s so much to look into. I know you said you’ve tried pills and it’s changed his mood but have you tried vitamins or natural remedies or herbs. Talk to his Dr about it. Communication is a key to a successful relationship.


He should be aiming to please you whether it be by penis, toys, tongue etc etc just because he is having issues doesn’t mean you should suffer :woman_shrugging:

Not horrible at all. There might be something else linked to it

Use some toys and more foreplay. Personally thats my favorite part. You’re both turned on and then the magic happens.


They make a delay spray, my husband swears by it. It worked for us.
Can get it at walmart, be sure to read directions.


You’re not horrible.
Toys, foreplay, and going for round 2. If he goes limp afterwards, that’s just more playtime for you. Once he gets hard again he may last longer

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Hormone therapy. He can see a doctor that uses BioT after testing to get his T up to normal .


It was like this with my kids dad and I. I wanted to bring toys in the bedroom but he refused and called me a slut for thinking it, obviously I ended it not long after for other reasons not just the sex. If sex is your only down fall in your relationship definently give toys a try. Relationships are worth fighting for if you have a good one. As they say… the grass isn’t always greener.

Its like the old saying girls are like a tin roof if there not nailed down properly they end up at the neighbors house


Most men are minute men lol.


So for 10yrs you didn’t care about intimacy and now he has a problem? :rofl::rofl::rofl:


Better get you a toy so you can orgasm before him. Just a lil vibrator for the outside. Go the sexy store and pick something out with him


Ahaha can you imagine if he took to Facebook to ask a bunch of random men how dry his wife’s vagina is and how he’s missing out on life. :joy::joy:

Foreplay is a must, toys can be beneficial. Trust me, foreplay is and can be just as good as sex. Tell him what you like. Forplay is fun! Even more fun than sex if done right.

Sounds like you’re putting a lot of pressure on him to perform better, which doesn’t help. I also think it’s pretty wrong of you to consider cheating just because of sex. Your husband does not deserve that at all. There are tons of different things you can do in the bedroom and tons of different toys you can use to make sex a better experience for you. You can also try to turn him on again after he cums the first time so that you can go again.

Sex is so much more than him in n out you learn ways together and never stepping out on him
That thought alone should tell you something
You said you won’t leave cause he’s amazing your best friend and great dad you didn’t say you love him!
You need to figure out a way that you can be both satisfied and true
Too many people now days think your missing out on something when actually what your really missing out on is right at home reconnecting and falling deeper in love is your real goal
Date your husband

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Get his testosterone levels checked, prostate, blood pressure and see if any existing medications are causing problems. Go to erectile dysfunction specialists. There are vacuum devices for men that may help too. All can cause problems. Maybe see a sex therapist.

Better diet & more exercise might help with circulation and blood flow.

Be careful of T injections. Too much can cause prostate cancer. Happen to an ex of mine. 

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if he has tried the blue pills and no help he can see his Dr about implants…you aren’t wrong or horrible for wanting a good sex life, its part of a healthy marriage.

Try Horny Goat Root found at natural health food supplement.

His problem is he doesnt care thst he is not lasting very long…he can practice on using will power oif he really wanted too my guy was like that but through concentration he can last forever now
Have a realky hood3 discussion with him about not being sexually satisfied and maybe if he uses a condom for the first round and then he will last longer the next round …hopefulky he will go another round with you


Learn to satisfy yourself


I think if your even thinking stepping out he deserves better if you loved him thought wouldn’t even be there and you basically said because it’s frowned upon not because it could destroy your family and his heart. to be honest sounds like he’s been trying to help. Like you said he gets you off in other ways just not sex most women don’t orgasm during sex anyway and 10 years ago he probably had more stamina poor guy.

Will he use toys? Will let you use toys? Will he use the toys on you?


There’s a whole lot of bad sex out there……more often than in a partnership

There’s a book about the Kama Sutra and Tantric Massage. If true intimacy (emotional, spiritual & physical) is something you BOTH are willing to be open about and work on…it’s a game changer. There are even seminars & webinars you can look into online. It’s not at all uncommon for some couples (or even singles) to connect with a 3rd party educator in the art of the Kama Sutra. The answer ALWAYS lies within. Namaste.:pray:


Do it a lot, use toys, foreplay, different positions, lingerie, risky places, make it fun. Exercise. It helps with stamina and more. Idk. Happily married woman here. We spend a lot of time together and make each other a priority, and we want to be together. If you love this person, give it more time and don’t give up.


25 years married here.
We had same issue a long while back- my advice is just sharing what we did -
Get him a few different penis rings (try a few till you find one he enjoys and works well / they do work)
Get a decent ($20/30 ones are great) small vibrator and use it with him, teach him what feels good for you and have him do this for you first anytime it’s not a quickie while the kids are busy. Also carve out a little alone time with your toy (shower is a good time) and fill the gaps yourself.
Accept wholeheartedly that you will not finish every time like he does and really enjoy the times you do.
Now if it’s more than just sexual satisfaction that is causing you to consider stepping out then you may need to have some very difficult honest conversations with your Hubby about it.

Take him toy shopping, you’ll find lots of ways to liven up the bedroom!!

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l get paid over $197 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $18471 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.

M0re Info. https://amazingincome117.pages.dev/

Only way to build stamina is practice practice practice!


Sex isn’t the most important part in marriage. Love, trust and respect are. All I hear is me, me me here. Have him help you O before it’s his turn. Building his confidence will build his stamina.

He’s not your everything if you are thinking of cheating on him.

I’d also suggest counseling.

Well, the only option is to leave him but then you’re not going to like being alone. Or you might find someone else that’s good in bed, but he might be a cheater. Or he might not be a cheater, but he probabily might not be a hard working man…ECT. the point is, us men are not Perfect. So if you’re happy the way he treats you, I suggest you keep him because there are worse men out there that can last long. Don’t risk it.


Can he jerk off 1st so he lasts longer?


Watch out for the conversation you are having in your own head. You can convince yourself to be as happy or unhappy as you want. It sounds like he is trying to accommodate you. You say he’s a great guy, yet you are thinking of going outside your marriage for sex? I’d weigh what you’d be losing for that 7 minutes (likely less) of perceived passion

Get you a sex toy Hun

Offer having a threesome, y’all find a guy that your both comfortable with, someone y’all can play with from time to time or on the regular…if y’all both agree


In my opinion :heart: I am “older” I have had children and they are grown and I have had my marriage… (horrible)… relationships… mixed some bad some not…
If you did a pole and asked women (older women who have lived a while) what are the most important qualities in a man… that would not make the top 5 in most cases…


If you ask me, this problem is so much better than drinking too much or cheating or not working or being physically abusive or treating the kids like crap… I could go on and on…
I know for some sex is a deal breaker… but for most… it is not even close…
This is meant to encourage you btw lolol
Girl, you have a good man!! Those a rare! Hold on to him !
Congratulations :sunglasses:

Use a cock ring and go more than once

Do you guys go multiple rounds?

Doesn’t have to be immediately after! But perhaps if you have round 1- then take a break… round 2 should then last longer. And if you guys are up for a round 3 then go for it!

Or you could blow him for round 1 and then take a break or he go down on you and then do round 2 (with or without a break)

I wish you the best of luck :purple_heart:


If he is amazing in every other way I would stay and not do anything to jeopardize the relationship. Sex is important but do you know how hard it is to find a partner that is all the things you mentioned?! Girl, I think you’ll regret it in the long run if you “step out”!

If he masturbates an hour before it’ll help a lot

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Well if you feel like stepping out then you really don’t love him


Try sucking him more often, he will definitely be more into everything and start trying to really satisfy you.
Try it with food in your mouth he’ll go crazy :rofl::woman_shrugging:t2:

Oh yeah the perfect place to look for advices about your private sex life… Leave him… :joy::joy::joy::joy:

Foreplay will go a long way in helping you get to the end faster during sex. It can at times take a woman 40 minutes to reach the end, especially with a partner, I would start there. Try having multiple sessions, have him masturbate prior to you having sex, that should help as well.
Many women also have a difficult time having an orgasm from penetration alone, try to find some toys that are strictly for cliteral stimulation.

Have him talk to his doctor, maybe testosterone shots would help

l get paid over $197 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $18471 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.

M0re Info. https://amazingincome148.pages.dev/

Be patient with ur man …at least he’s loyal to u …don’t scare him away or make him feel bad for your selfish pleasures…or he could wind up leaving you and in the arms of another woman that would appreciate him


Try a cock ring? Sometimes they help last longer.

Post your private life for the whole world to read???


The grass ain’t greener over there, stay where you are and work on it.


Wait so is the only reason you haven’t cheated is because it’s “frowned upon”?
I honestly don’t have advice other than maybe counseling? Maybe it’s mental and not physical? I’d say if he’s your best friend and this amazing man, keep that in mind before you do something for a little bit of pleasure that could destroy everything else you have. I hope you find answers though because I do understand the frustrations you must have :confused:


Be thankful for all the good things about your husband. Look around at other peoples problems, make a list of good and bad traits of your husband, sounds like you are way ahead on the good side.


Communicate to him your feelings if you haven’t already. Ask him how long he lasts solo. Ask him to practice edging on his own. You can absolutely train yourself to last longer. You could also try a sex therapist and if he’s like many men who aren’t interested in your pleasure and won’t try to practice lasting longer by masturbating and won’t try therapy I would rethink my relationship bc in all honesty life is too short to be unhappy and unsatisfied. Sure, sex isn’t Everything in a relationship but it sure is a big part of it imo. Good luck.

Invest in some toys. You both get what you need and get to learn something new together.


Leave him and go fulfill your lustful desires. You probably already crushed him more way than one. Just put him out of his misery and let him find someone who loves him for him and you find some dickhead on meth who can last for days and slap you around in the meantime.

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Bring toys into the bedroom. Vibrator and such.


Sex therapist. Be honest with him. Not, Ima cheat, honest though.
Porn isn’t for everybody but maybe there’s a type you can both watch and get ideas from.
Toys, outfits, role playing…
There’s options. You just have to be honest and open with him.

Maybe you could try to do it more. Maybe he’s so attracted to you if you only have sex once or twice a week he can’t hold out. Like others have said, try to do it more regularly.

Have a little fling, enjoy the sex and yourself. You only live once, you cannot go to your grave with this

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You say you didn’t want it at the beginning. So his feelings didn’t count. But now you want it and he kinda doesn’t and your all stink about it. Sex doesn’t need to be a complete satisfier. A good life and a good man matters most. I don’t know how old you are but thinking of cheating just for self satisfaction is really stupid.

Hire an escort with benefits

Honestly this doesnt sound like a him problem, this sounds like a you problem, sex isnt everything and if you are not fulfilled it is you who needs to work on why this isnt enough Honestly it sounds like you want your cake and to eat it too. Midlife crisis may be at play for you, maybe seek therapy to help resolve your internal issues of missing out but wanting to keep him to yourself?

Get the Rose! It will help tremendously.

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U don’t love and respect him that much clearly if you feel like stepping out to satisfy your own needs…


But he is a great dad and your best friend and he can’t help it, what do you really want from him? What if he can’t have sex anymore would you want to leave him because of this, that is being so selfish…think how he feels…

Try for round 2, he will most likely last longer the second time


Trust me you will regret cheating and or leaving …


There are books, and probably online resources as well, that help train how to last longer. Kind of like endurance training. You’ll both need to be patient through the process and maybe the journey will bring you guys closer together. Good luck!