I’m so confused and after trying to google my situation and coming up empty handed I feel alone. I just need to know if anyone else has experienced something similar. If so how did you handle it? Was it a phase? Or was it permanent?
First of all this is about a sudden and intense change in my sexual desires.
My husband and I have a okay sex life. We are both in our early 30’s We have 5 kids ages 2-14. The younges is still breastfeeding and the older 4 are homeschooled. My husband works nights so we find time when possible.
Sunday I had a dream about us having sex in a different way then we ever have before. In this dream he was spanking me and very dominant and ropes were involved. I didn’t know till a while after waking up from the dream and googling it that it was a Dom/sub type thing I was dreaming about. Up until the dream I never really had any thoughts about that type of sex. I mean sure 50 shades of gray was hot (I watched it years ago) but it didn’t make me want those things done to me.
After waking up from the dream, all I could think about was the dream. I told my husband later that night. He was a little shocked but down to try it. So all week we have both been researching and sending each other info we find important or interesting.
Here is the problem I’m having, I’m confused as to why My sex drive and my sexual desires have both done a complete 360 with no warning at all. Like things are driving me crazy like I’ve never experienced before.
Example: my husband was getting dressed and picked up his belt which had me dripping wet mess. WHAT the heck?!?!
I’m over here literally begging for things I’ve never really consider sexual before.
I’m happily saying yes, sir and following fucking rules
Today he asked me some of the questions I’ve been asking myself like, where did this come from? What triggered it? He was just genuinely curious and not asking in a bad way.
However hearing the questions out loud made me think. I’ve clearly been letting my desire for all this over shadow my confusion. Why have I changed so much? Does my husband really want this or is he just going along with it because it’s what I want?
I sent him a text telling him about my confusion and pretty much gave him an easy out if this wasn’t what he wanted and he responded in a way that very much let me know he is now just as in to this as I am.
I know this don’t seem like a problem and for the most part it isn’t. I’m loving every part of it and my husband is supportive and enjoying it as well.
I’m just wondering if other peoples sexual desires have changed suddenly like this?
I guess I’m also kind of worried this will go away just as fast as it came. I just don’t understand what has happened lol.
As long as no one is getting hurt hurt it’s all good fun. Just think of it as trying a different spice on a meal. The meal will be there… but different seasons spice things up every now and than. There doesn’t have to be an explanation. Desire can be limitless. Enjoy.
Could you have repressed memories from being a child?
Maybe a hormonal change within your body?
Either way! Let your freak flag fly! Take no shame and run with it as long as you’re both happy & healthy that’s all that matters…
Fetishized thoughts are totally normal
Yes!! Totally normal, especially in your 30’s. They say women hit their sexual prime in their 30-40’s. You understand yourself better, have more sexual confidence, and usually your curiosity spikes!
Welcome to the other side sister! Enjoy!
This was too long to read but I made it like halfway and just awwww it is perfectly ok and normal for sex drive and interest to change I’m happy for you two that through all those kids and homeschooling and working you guys still able to keep things spicy and open
Females sex drives usually increase as they get older. This may spark some interests in other things you may have passed on before.
My advice, as long as you both agree and can trust eachother and it’s not illegal, have at it. It’s unreal how close and how strong of a bond you can form with someone when you are open to eachother in private.
Yes girl! My 30s definitely opened me up to some shit. I was so curious I got a part time job at Hustler. I loved it. My favorite job. Women peak sexually in their 30s.
I’ve always had those sexual desires just didn’t get the chance to start exploring them til I was almost 40. I say don’t worry, just go with it. The fact that you and your husband are openly talking about it is a very good thing. Have fun with it and enjoy the new spark that has been added to your ok sex life.
Too much for a Sunday sesh I’m too high… maybe your just embracing the energy more… maybe something has woken in the energy between you too…
It could be just the sexual love attraction getting stronger
It’s normal don’t think into it so hard. Our desires change we want to spice things up it’s fun it’s sexy it’s a turn on for both parties involved. You can be so into this and then who knows it can open more doors to try other things a healthy sex life is important in my opinion especially with busy lives with kids school. It brings you both closer
Women hit their sexual peak in their 30’s… there is nothing at all to worry about! You’re absolutely normal… enjoy it.
The bad news is that men hit their sexual peak at 18-25. If your hubby is game, explore away… just know this is where his confusion comes from. Just explain women peak later than men.
I’m 56 and yes it is normal for your sexual desires to change and grow in your 30’s… have fun… experiment… keep the fires burning in your marriage… be daring
I’m guessing the sex was getting boring or repetitive. It’s always good to try new things with your partner and just explore those new interests/fantasies. Good sex is important and communicating like you are as well.
Don’t second guess yourself, we’re all monkeys here
You’re in your early 30s. In my opinion your still growing. Youre just experiencing new interests. You wouldn’t think anything of it if you randomly wanted to start rock climbing one day.Once you stop growing into a new and better version of yourself that’s practically death.
Being a single mom with 2 kids and always in control of everything I too was a vanilla. After meeting someone (who I trusted a lot) we spoke about this lifestyle, done tonnes of research and eventually ventured into it. It was a life altering moment for me to release all that control to someone else!! I would never go back to doing anything vanilla again! Embrace it with your husband and ALWAYS set boundaries. And remember that Aftercare is extremely important too! Good luck mamma!
This is called BDSM and girl, yesss. Maybe you were just subconsciously suppressing your true desires. BDSM is fun but there are some musts to ensure everything is safe. Safe words are very important. They let your partner know when you have had enough or you need to pause and go at a different pace. Please look it up. There is actually a quiz that can tell you more about yourself that I take every so often to see if I’ve changed called BDSMtest.org
I think this all sounds great! Go for it! I love that he’s down and you’re down and I saw DO IT! You’re probably used to making so many decisions day to day that you love the idea of being bossed around
Good for you
Maybe An Hormonal Change…Same Thing Happened To Me After I Had My Son! Certain Way I Wanna Be Handled Sexually And I’m Down For It Still Dont Know What It Is
Girrrrrl it ain’t going away … buckle up & enjoy the ride! Once u get a taste of it, regular sex is mediocre and you’ll never want that lame stuff again! Good luck! Have fun!
In my experience, the time when I was careful I didn’t really have desires, just a healthy sex drive. As I became a mother and promoted at work and became more responsible, I found my
Sexual desires changed too, like your new sexual desires I wanted to be controlled and dominated. I realised I was sick of being in charge and making all the decisions and being the main person in every aspect.
I have now changed job and my husband has moved home (he was away for work accept
For weekends) and now I he helps out a lot and my work isn’t as needy, my sexual desires have changed again, still happy to be dominated but not needing it,
Like before.
Have a look at your life and see if you feel your the main decision maker. And it’s your body telling you to share some responsibilities. (Also enjoy it for a while, it’s really good fun)!
Enjoy giirl Coz it’s a whole lotta fun just both hsvr a word you can use if you want something to stop and make sure your open if you change your mind and don’t like a particular thing there’s lots of fun gadgets and props that you can use for this type of fun and i wouldnt think to much into why you hsve started wanting this now and just enjoy it
I’m going to say that it is absolutely normal. I found my desires changed around that age as well. I don’t know much about the dim/sub world but I know that I have seen several couples etc on tiktok etc talk about it and the use of a safety contract (even in marriage) so if this is something you all are really interested in pursuing I would look into that a little more!
I thought late 30’s early 40’s was a age where women experience higher sex drive and for men it’s in their 20’s but I don’t remember where I even heard that. Also it sounds like you have alot to do at home and it could be the one place where you’re not in charge or have to worry about anyone and he is the one in full control so it’s like a stress relief for you:woman_shrugging: not sure but embrace the f**k … literally have fun
Life affects your sex drive. 5 kids, breastfeeding, home schooling, work, home life… the sex usually dies off, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot as your relationship progresses. You go through phases… sometimes it’s once or twice a week and you’re satisfied, other times it’s every single day and you can’t get enough. To me, it sounds Ike you and hubby need some alone time. Pump some breast milk, have the kids spend the weekend with grandma, you and your husband get a cheap hotel room and spend the weekend naked, choking and spanking each other!
I have a whole lot to say but I’ll keep it short. I had some wild times starting at age 36. Not sure why. And not BDSM but certainly some things I never considered before. Don’t worry about what made you change, go with whatever you are both good with.
There is a difference between fantasies, dreams and what you might actually end up wanting. Enjoy finding out but realise that dreams are often extremes. You’re brain has clearly come up with something you want to explore. It can also be a sign in dreams that you want some control as you feel you have too much responsibility and lack of control so do look at how you are managing generally.
If you want it to last, take it slow, start very small and enjoy each small change for a while, if you go straight to Dom/sub, you’ll get bored very quickly
I can understand you need & desire something exciting, You have 5 kids that are home all day long with you, And youngest is 2, in which you still are breastfeeding…Can that child drink out of a sippy cup? If yes, give up the breastfeeding, Bond with your toddler in other ways. Then the others, you home school, which there is nothing wrong with that, So there is no time for just you, And you & your husband also need some alone time, You need & crave some excitement. Understandable
I would say go for it, you may or may not like it but make sure you use a soft rope made for this or cloth to start something easy to break out if becomes to much. Also make sure there’s a safe word something that can easily be said and understood. A blindfold takes away your sense of sight but allows other sense to be heightened. Relax and enjoy this new adventure!
I think the idea of normal is overrated. What’s important is whether or not it works for you. So if things seem to be going well for you and you partner is supportive, figure out your safeword and dive right in.
I would also recommend lovingbdsm.net and their podcast by the same name. Fantastic couple who cover just about anything you could ever think of when it comes to that kink life.
Just go with it … enjoy it if it’s not something you both like or enjoy it doesn’t seem like it will be a problem because you seen to have good communication in your relationship. Don’t overthink just have fun!
Maybe up until now, you’ve been more focused on your kids. Now you’ve had that dream, and you realize those things sound exciting to you. Go for it. If it turns out to NOT be your thing, then at least you tried!
Have you started any kind d of new medication…medication lots of times can have sexual side effects and desires etc…could just be perfectly normal…but with your confusion on it all…maybe you first need to figure out what is going on before you decide to leap
So this usually stems from being alone in the role of house manager. Wild guess: you’re always in charge of kids, laundry, dishes, cleaning, schedules, etc. he probably barely helps. This is your way your brain says “I don’t want to be in control anymore”. Totally fine too. Try it out.
Are you about to pitch this concept to Hollywood for the next big sitcom? A couple with 5 homeschooled kids clumsily try to fit in time for their newfound desire to experiment with sexual—experimentation? I love it, especially the episode where he’s installing a lock on. the laundry room door so you guys can lock yourselves in, turn the washer on spin cycle, and grab the garden tools
I decided in my mid thirties I wanted to try it and did for a year. It was awesome I loved it and now I’m over it. Reading the other comments makes sense as I definitely needed someone to be in control other than me for a while and it was hot until it wasn’t and the phase was over
Just go with the flow. Enjoy it. Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason for things to happen the way that they do. Enjoy your confusion lol. The fact that your husband is into it makes it so much better. Experimenting can be fun. I’m in my late 40s and let me tell ya, my sex drive is on high. I have 3 grown kids. So just enjoy it and have fun
As you get older and are with a partner the same shit get boring. It’s totally normal to spice things up a little and try new thing! I just bought a cock ring that I’m so excited to try out
It’s your age hun, a woman’s sex drive kicks into a 3rd gear when you reach your 30s. They don’t call em the dirty 30s for nothing lol. It’s normal! Dont over think it, just go with what feels good!
Ok wow I felt like I was reading a fan fic for a moment now if things are getting boring of course you are gonna want to spice it up best thing to do is tell your partner what you’re interested in trying and try it out together you will either like it or not
Big things to mention for someone first trying that type of lifestyle: consent is key. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been in a relationship- if anything is ever a no go, you tap out and the other person has to respect that. Be open with your partner because he’s allowed to tap out just as much as you are.
That being said, I agree with the above mentioned stress likely being a major cause of your sexual reaction. Being on top of things all day every day (especially with a newborn) can lead your mind to looking for different ways to relinquish control.
Yes! I think this is normal. I’m 37 and feel like I’ve reached a peak in my libido. My body does things it never did in my 20’s and I AIN’T COMPLAINING!
With 5 kids and a large family, I imagine you’re in charge a great deal of the time. Sub/dom fetishes a lot of times interest people that are always in control, be it male or female. Something about letting that guard down and being told what to do. It’s way more common than people would have you think.
First I’d like to respond and say that I admire the ability and openness in your relationship
Even though you’ve been hesitating and held some things back you’ve both also been open to communicating and finding common ground with one another and that in itself is great
I believe you hit a sexual peak around your 30’s and also if you have a trusting partner, you can be more in tune w your own wants and needs
I hope you all
Go for it and experience a great change towards this new aspect of your relationship
Another way to grow and become closer w the ability to be open and agree on it beforehand sounds like a winning team
Perfectly normal
To try new adventures w someone you trust
I’m not sure if someone mentioned this but didn’t you say you were breastfeeding? My hormones made me an absolute ho for months when I was so maybe that’s it?
I’ve always heard women hit their sex “peak” in their early 30s. I believe this to be true because that’s about the age when I had the highest desire. It’s perfectly normal to have sudden urges & also want to try new things after being with someone so long
It’s possible that you’ve always fantasized about those sort of things but your mind buried it deep in subconscious. Having the dream open that door for you and now it’s in for conscience mind. Also what the other ladies have mentioned , hormones, age etc . Either way that So cool! Enjoy the heck out of it. Don’t worry about it not lasting enjoy it now
I mean Ive heard typically women don’t reach their sexual peak till their 30’s so if that’s true then it makes sense. I’ve done the exact opposite 180… I used to only be into bdsm and hated what some would consider “vanilla” sex and now I absolutely love it. I think it has to do with finally feeling comfortable enough in a relationship to be emotionally vulnerable. Maybe for you after having 5 kids and feeling secure in your relationship you feel comfortable enough to explore your more kinky side.
Whoa reading these responses has me thinking something might be wrong with me. I’m 43 and has just started really being interested in sex:woman_shrugging:t5:
This is prime time to spice it up! Good for y’all!
I’m happy for you two that through all those kids and homeschooling and working you guys still able to keep things spicy and open 
this girl is on fire 
.
take it and run with it. Stop questioning it and get you some
