I’m really hurting right now

My significant other told some woman over Snapchat that he was still with me but he doesn’t know what my”true intentions” are since we had a baby. I’ve caught him multiple times entertaining other females. He was All over me yesterday and he’s constantly telling me he loves me and doesn’t want anyone else. Our baby is 7 months. We’ve been together almost 3 years and I’ve never given him a reason to not trust me. I don’t understand… if I bring it up to him he will just turn it on me and yell at me for going through his phone. I know I shouldn’t go through it but I’m tired of worrying about another female. Even if they are states away. Some are in the same city… I just am feeling like I’m not good enough. Why am I not enough that he feels the need to talk to other girls ?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I’m really hurting right now

Leave this man. He doesn’t love u. If he did love you he wouldn’t be doing what he doing.

Don’t ever doubt your self worth over some “man” who can’t even do the bare minimum… trust me… his loss. Do yourself the favor and leave while you can before this causes anymore pain. Sometimes holding on just make it’s harder to let go. Not everyone you lose is a loss :heartbeat:

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Gell him to delete social media or you’re leaving

Get out of there asap

Maybe since the baby needs so much he feels like he’s not getting enough attention. Have you tried to tall to him. Make sure at least once a month you make time for each other even if its dinner and a movie when the baby goes to bed. If things don’t change then it’s time to find someone who appreciates you.

No he’s not good enough to be with you

Sounds like a narcissist

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Get out of there now please. This will just be the beginning of his lying cheating and manipulate you. There is so many good men out there. don’t settle for a man who is entertaining other women.

There’s nothing wrong with you. He has issues and if he can’t fix himself thru therapy and accountability then you need to save yourself and your children mentally and leave

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Why are you worrying about this? You are a queen, and queens dont stress over the actions of peasants. Hold your head up high, and let him see your fine backside walking out that door. Then, find yourself a king. That man doesn’t deserve you.

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Cheaters usually accuse and project their doings upon you when in fact they are the ones doing it. And then it turns into gaslighting and narcissistic behavior.

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Leave now, because they DON’T change!!

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:triangular_flag_on_post: narcissist
:triangular_flag_on_post: love bombing
:triangular_flag_on_post: lying
:triangular_flag_on_post:cheating
:triangular_flag_on_post:gas lighting

Need anymore red flags lol

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Ewe… he sounds like a loser! All the men I know are like that too! That’s why I’m single! Get full custody of your child legally now!

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RED FLAG :triangular_flag_on_post:! He is the one talking to other females and then turning it on you?! NO! That’s not cool! That is his manipulative way of trying to get them to feel bad for him for attention. He is then gaslighting you and making you feel bad! This is a prime example of a narcissist. Please do yourself a favor and get away from him! It does not get better! You don’t deserve to second guess yourself because he wants to be a turd!

I kno everyone says leave. But it’s possible to make it work.my husband cheated it started of as jus talking entertaining other girls. Found out he was having a baby. We have done counseling and jus worked on our selfs he has no social media

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First!
You are absolutely “good enough”
Second…if he’s not cheating, he will.
Don’t let his behavior dictate yours…make your own decisions.

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He doesn’t value you. You and baby deserve better

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More like he’s doesn’t know what his intentions are now that you have had a baby. Plan for the worst You don’t need this kind of stress with a baby. Cheating is not about you. It’s about them. You got this!!!:four_leaf_clover::rainbow:

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He’s gaslighting you.
Don’t put up with it.
Leave if he doesn’t like your boundaries. You deserve more!
Me and my SO have eachothers passwords. I wouldn’t go through his stuff because I trust him, but it’s a huge red flag that he is trying to guilt you for his misdoings…

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Also commenting to say the same as others. Usually when someone acts the way he is, it’s projection. He knows he’s doing something wrong so he’s trying to turn the tables to make you feel bad and make himself feel better.

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My so does the same. Never understood it. Never will if you love us then why TF are you entertaining other women?

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Unpopular opinion: speaking with someone of the opposite sex does not automatically mean you are cheating or have intentions if cheating.

Also, the phrade you chose to share tells me he is feeling uncertain about where YOU think the relationship stands, which could be causing him concern or fear or making him feel insecure with you.

You don’t think you’ve given him any reason not to trust you, yet you are going through his messages without his knowledge or permission? If I found out my partner was going through my accounts without my permission that would cause a rift in my trust in them.

Talk to him. Fess up that you know he is speaking with or interacting with other women and it makes you uncomfortable. Sounds like both of you are feeling a bit insecure in the relationship and need some dedicated work to re-establish who you are as a couple and what you want out of this together.

Also remember, you’ve got a baby. Your hormones are running rampant and that can heavily influence your emotions and perceptions. It can also be a challenging time for our partners during this phase because as women we are experiencing massive physical and emotional changes and trying to navigate our bodies post partum. Our partners often wish to be supportive but feel lost.

His reaction to you questioning him is based on him knowing that he is doing or has done something wrong and he turns it around on you to deflect attention from himself.

If he is talking to or entertaining multiple females, he’s basically just waiting for the one that will fall for his bullshit and let him take it further. If they don’t allow it to go beyond a conversation, he will claim that they’re “just a friend”. If he loved you and only wanted you, these other women wouldn’t even be in the mix… I think you know that but don’t want to accept it because it’s hard to let go of someone you’ve been in a relationship with and have started a family with. If you’ve addressed these issues with him and he responds defensively and continues to do what he’s doing, which obviously hurts you, he doesn’t love you and you’re not the only one that he wants… you’re just the one that’s there.

I would say it’s time to reevaluate your life and relationship.

This isn’t a relationship. It’s time to leave. People don’t change.

Sweet girl, when you get tired of feeling this way FOR REAL you will realize you are enough and always have been. Who isn’t enough is your man as he feels that bare minimum is enough for the woman who shows him love, kindness, loyalty and family devotion. Until then, well, here you are…

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This is a problem with HIM, not YOU!!! Truth be told, until he ready to commit to you 100%, he’s not worth being with!! Social media ruins relationships if abused. Personally, I don’t believe any adult in a commitment should be on Snapchat, but that’s just MY opinion. Save yourself the heartache and do something now!! Counseling, ultimatum, or leave. I speak from experience, and it sucks!!! The way this eats at your soul is real!! Please take action! Above all else, practice some self love because you deserve it!!!

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Not worth the stress especially with a new baby

Hes cheating and he’s a narcissist. End of story. Been there done that got the t-shirt.

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Just leave sweetheart, no matter what it is it will always be your fault, once they cheat and theres no breakup or anything and he talks you around , you have lost yourself respect

Hit the road Jack ! Get away from his cheating ass piece of crap

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He isn’t worried about you stepping out, he’s creating a way to cheat on you by blaming you for his behavior. He’s going to cheat. Thats really it.

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Hes a cheater always a cheater. Leave and take care of yourself and your baby. You will find Mr.Right there’s someone out there looking for someone just like you only you :pray::pray::pray:praying for you hun that you find your way.

It’s not about you not being enough. Its him. This is the type of person he is without OR with you. It’s up to you rather you want to continue your life like this. Personally, life is to short to be unhappy. And if your not happy your child will not be happy. So the balls in your court!

Remember dear cheating doesn’t start in the bedroom it starts with a conversation. He shouldn’t have a problem with u looking at his phone if there is nothing to hide. My husband and I can pick up the others phone whenever there r many times I grab his phone and will start texting someone and not even think twice until they ask if it’s me on his phone it’s truly on honest mistake can’t tell the difference between them when they r face up :woman_facepalming:t3: point is u should both trust each other enough to be able to pick up a phone or know that person is not going to do u wrong behind ur back. If there’s no trust after 3 years there probably never will be any. Give it up let him find what he is clearly looking for

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I’m wondering why you’re hanging on to this drama.
You know the type of personality you’re dealing with.
Don’t start the “oh poor me” bullshit when you’re hanging onto this bullshit relationship with a death grip.
If you keep him then shut yo mouth and enjoy everything he does because that’s what you want.
If bullshit isn’t your cup of tea then handle yo fucckin business and keep it moving.
#StopActingLikeADumbHo
:roll_eyes::rainbow::roll_eyes::rainbow::roll_eyes::rainbow::pensive::rainbow:

Because he’s a lousy, no good cheater? If he’s messaging other women, he’s talking to other women. If he’s talking to other women, eventually he’ll meet up with other women. You are enough. He is not.

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Sounds like gaslighting to me. :triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::running_woman::running_woman::running_woman::running_woman:

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I had this after my first son to my partner stayed with him 11 yrs and in end he cheated on me 10 x I found out after 3 more children he then slept with what I thought was my best friend while I was in hospital losing 1 of our twins same pattern you deserve better get out he shouldnt be saying this to another woman it will drive u crazy and the all over u trick is same aswell make u feel they love you and break your heart in 2 dont put up with it.

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That’s a no go love yourself all this is saying and stop worrying abt him cuz he ain’t doing it for you love yourself and Jesus first

Need to move on. He is trying to find someone “hotter for him” it sounds like! You need to take your baby and move on

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That doesn’t sound like it’s a you problem. Sounds very much like a him problem.

You are enough. And you are worthy to be someone’s everything.

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You deserve better You Deserve a husband

Leave! Been there done that and they don’t change. In fact, that ex has never had a stable relationship and still lives with his mom. Good to know I wasn’t the problem. Don’t waste your time, you need to worry about you and baby. The right man will.come along and treat you the way you want and are meant to be treated.

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Stop collecting red flags and leave shug.

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A man that is worth staying with won’t make you wonder if you are worth his time or wonder why you weren’t enough. Leave.

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Because he’s not ready to man up… u mine as well say ur good byes before u get hurt more! I went thru this but my man at the time cheated while I was in the hospital not even 12 hours after having his baby! I was stupid but scared to raise a kid on my own. It’s worth it tho because now I’m married to his ex brother in law lol happy n my kids r happy! But everything happens for a reason girl! Good luck with ur decisions I hope everything works out!!! N just so u know co parenting :100: is good for the children don’t let ur kid(s) see u guys fighting over it u do it on ur own time because u don’t need him her or them to have some sort of negative feelings towards the other n never talk about him in front of them not only does it give them a complex on things but it starts stuff… kids don’t keep secrets lol

Do yourself a big favor leave now cause he’s not changing

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HE’S THE PROBLEM! He doesn’t respect you. Respect is the foundation of any relationship, without it the relationship can’t last. He shouldn’t be entertaining any females FOR ANY REASON. He says he doesn’t know your intentions, but really that’s just a way to excuse his own behavior. If you feel the need to go through his phone, you already know something more is going on. Leave. It only gets worse.

It’s not you
It’s his insecurities, thinking there is always better out there
You deserve better.

It’s never a “I’m not good enough” situation. If your s/o is entertaining someone else then it’s because of their problems that has nothing to do with you. You just happen to unfortunately be the victim of them not addressing and working on their own issues. My advice is leave. If you’re worried about him and someone else then leave. But of course I’m cut off happy. If someone in my life is causing me unnecessary stress or drama or is only making me miserable I cut them out. My life is so peaceful not having to deal with the extra bullshit so I tell everyone “cut them off” because I know how rewarding it is

The guilty ones always blame the innocent ones…
You must work on yourself, self respect… Once you focus on you, you will realize you don’t need his validation

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He’s insecure. It’s not you

Honey, as someone who experienced this exact situation: leave. He doesn’t respect or value you as a woman, as his partner or as the mother of his child. It has nothing to do with you, you are too good for him and he knows it. Don’t let his actions beat down your self worth and confidence, you deserve more. Pack up and start over with your baby, you will be alright. Just remember when he’s sweet talking and love bombing you to make you stay: he doesn’t mean it and he isn’t going to change.

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What a loser kick him out

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U are more than good enough!! It’s not u momma!! I would definitely have a one on one talk. Yes u can look thro his phone if he wasn’t cheating than he shouldn’t care. N if he turns it on u than that’s ur red flag. If realtionship is worth saving try if not go

Girl he’s just saying that to make the other woman not feel bad that he’s essentially trying to get with both of you. I mean, if this isn’t the first time, why do you continue to let yourself be with someone who does this to you? You should be able to go through his phone at any time when you ask. If you have to sneak around and know he’ll get mad… he’s hiding something! Always! So, once you love yourself more, get outta there. It won’t change. It is possible for men to change but he clearly hasn’t changed after the first one. He didn’t feel remorse for his actions. Your baby deserves to see you happy. That ain’t it.

Your hormones are still raging from having the beautiful baby you now care for. Accidentally knock his phone in the sink full of water. Then leave with baby and your possessions and let him figure out why.

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Be done with that is what you need to do but if you’re not going to I hope you’re putting away some security for your self and children

It’s not you its him and he won’t change

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If you cant trust him its time to go.

Run. He’s not deserving of you.

If you are the only one working, cut your losses and leave

Let me tell you something.
This is something you shouldn’t be worrying about. There are so many more levels to this world that what is happening is the lowest level. It is a man and woman’s responsibility to conquer and crush dreams and goals. He needs to have your back as much as you have his. Worrying about a cheater? You should be planning goals and where yall will be at in 5 years. Getting funds together for the babies first two years of college. Totally crushing it as a team.
If he can’t step up and be the man u need. Then step off and be the woman u need.

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He is the problem. Then he bullies you and becomes aggressive when confronted. That is abuse.

He has you wrapped around his finger, making you feel guilty & questioning your self for his actions and blaming you! It won’t get better unfortunately this is his true self so don’t waste your energy to try to change him. Leave!!! He doesn’t deserve you

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I learned what Narcissistic Personality Disorder is, and that people can fake entire personas and lead double lives to manipulate and deceive others into getting what they want. Only trust actions. Never words. Always trust your intuition. If your body feels “off” or sick, or anxious around someone but you don’t know why, pay attention!!

It’s not you!! He’s the problem. He has no respect for you, your child, or your relationship…

Trust yourself… go through a ph to find what you already knew… trust you

Your partner should respect you. Make it clear that you aren’t comfortable with him speaking to random women and you want it to stop. Ask him how he would feel if you did the same to him and let him know that if it continues you are going to leave him.

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That’s a typical narcissistic self absorbed person! He will always put blame on you to take it off of him! Get out now and save your child from a life of misery!

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The birth of the first child strains marriages and causes divorce rates to spike. Couples counseling is likely needed.

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Well you have 2 choices stay with him & have this continue to happen or leave him & be happy. Your choice

Why am I not enough??? Honey, you are more than enough!! He is the problem! As long as you put up with this he will continue! Learn to respect yourself and leave!! You deserve so much better, he will never change if you don’t change!

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He isn’t good enough. He has a sexual addition.

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I like to message bitched that I’ve caught my man lying to and let them know the truth because WHY TF YOU LYING FORRR

Kick him to the curb!

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Doesn’t matter where they get their appetite as long as they come home to eat

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He’s a true narcissist. When they’re caught they turn everything around on you. You’ve caught him many times, why do you keep allowing him to disrespect you mama? You are worthy! You deserve better. He is the problem! Leave him and don’t look back. He’s only going to keep doing this to you. What you allow will continue.

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You have every right to go though his phone if he’s doing that. He’s probably trying to cheat if he hasn’t already. I’d confront him and kick him out.

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I would pack up and leave. Sounds like he is the one with issues and then turning it around on you. It will only get worse. Who knows if he is sleeping around on you already.

Sounds like he’s the one w bad intentions and is trying to project them onto you. But girl, don’t go through his phone. You’re hurting yourself and you don’t need that kind of stress with a new baby. Give him an ultimatum, either he does right by you, or he leaves. Being a single mom isn’t easy, but it’s doable. Sending love.

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Ok fist you are good enough y’all could try couples therapy if y’all want to try n work this all out or I would say leave you n your little one don’t been to be around someone that blames his problems on someone else

He’s untrustworthy. If you stay with him, you’ll always be worried about him cheating and he’ll always be cheating.
Save yourself the years of heartache and move on.

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That is a him problem not a you problem honey. Dont let his idiocy make you feel less then.

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It’s Not you. Drop him.

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First off when you think you’re the one not good enough you need to flip that one on him? He’s not good enough for you.

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This is your future.
Think about that.

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I’ve always said to my SO, if I ever feel the need to go through your phone it’s over!

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Don’t let him turn it on you. He’s the one emotionally cheating. If he tries, just ignore what he says about you and keep on topic.

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Unfortunately you will never feel the same about him after this. Know your own worth!!!
Usually when someone is doing something wrong they like to blame or accuse their spouse
Sorry your going through this. Please remember there is someone out there that won’t make you feel like this

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As a survivor of a narcissist please leave it won’t get better, I left and it got better,.I.went from.someone hiding there phone, leaving the room shouting at me.for just passing him his phone to.someone who.lets me.use his.phine freely anytime , he’s projecting what he does onto you, he’s gaslighting you and love bombing you aswell ,.stay safe and make a plan to leave , women’s shelters can help

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Talk with him or just let him go. He’s probably doing more than entertaining :frowning:

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Runnnnn! I’m sorry Im reading this didn’t even get half way. I’m thinking wow my ex… I ran and I’m better after a year away. Leave you deserve better.

You are enough!!!
Please understand this is not a you issue. This is his issue and you deserve better. If it’s an ongoing problem he will not change. Your baby deserves to have a happy mom and a better role model for a father. Please don’t settle for less than what you deserve. as women we are nurturers by nature. We feel like we have to help others even when it’s us they are hurting. We don’t. This is not our burden to bare. Being hurt and then feeling guilty as if it’s our fault on top of it. Please mama love yourself enough to know you deserve to genuinely be loved correctly.

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Be done worrying then. And go. You not going shows him you’re ok with him doing that. Over. And . Over. Again.

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Time for you to get a therapist and find out why u would stay in this sad situation

As someone who has been with manipulative assholes I’ve seen the signs and that’s gaslighting at it’s finest. Leave it’s not going to get better. That is just who he is and you and your 7 month old deserve a happy home.