I need advice, or suggestions, from fellow mamas out there

Relationships
1
I live with the father of my 4 year old daughter. We are legally married, but I made it clear to him almost two months ago that we are done. We have been together for 6 years, but our relationship has been very toxic. I finally was able to get it through my own head that staying together is not in any of our best interest. Especially my daughter's. I need to set a better example so that she does not end up in the same situations that I have, when she is older. And I need to get away from him so that I can be a better mother. I am so stressed out all of the time, and unhappy, that I am irritable and I just shut down when I am home. This man hardly helps with the bills, so we are behind. I just got a better paying job, but because he is hardly helping, it is hard to catch up. He does not help around the house, in fact he destroys it and then leaves it for me to clean. It's overwhelming. He doesn't cook, he doesn't buy anything for the house. He doesn't think about the things that we need, or our daughter needs. I am responsible for just about everything. He refuses to treat it as though we are done. He will harass me if I am gone, about where I am and who I am with. He still trys to touch me, even though I tell him to stop. It's to the point that my 4 YEAR OLD has felt the need to step in and tell him to leave me alone at times. Which is unacceptable. I don't know how to get him out of the house. He just refuses to leave. Before anyone says, well why does he need to leave, it is because he is able to do so. I have nowhere to go, and noone to help me. He on the other hand, does. He just refuses to leave, ensuring that I am stuck with him. I feel like I am losing my damn mind, and I don't know what to do.
25 Likes
2

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I need advice, or suggestions, from fellow mamas out there - Mamas Uncut

3

If your really done then take your daugher and find a women’s shelter.

7 Likes
4

You’re going to have to file for divorce if you want him out. Get a lawyer and get the legal process started.

13 Likes
5

You have to leave, and he knows it. Divorce him. You cannot make him move out.

4 Likes
6

Start the divorce process n if he’s ever been physically abusive then it’s time to go foreal. You can file for protection order only if he is abusive in someway but sadly that’s only way until divorce is finalized tho cause legally you cannot evict him from the home.

5 Likes
7

Go I know your saying how? And why? But you go call your local information number in Orange County and Los Angeles it’s 211 they can help you find a shelter for woman and kids it’s gonna be hard but you can do it I promise you it will only get worse just Go and don’t tell him anything cause he won’t let you leave he sounds like a nut job

3 Likes
8

Who’s name is in the house / lease. If his isn’t on their id call the police n kick hiss ass out.

My house is still in my maiden name n it’s a great just encase protection

9

I have been through this. Church really helped me…and him.
Mostly me though.

Express him putting his hands on you when you say no is sexual abuse and he will stop or you will report it. If he continues. Report it.

2 Likes
10

Everyone telling her to leave, she pays rent and everything for the house. I’d go see a divorce lawyer for a consultation. Start the process and anytime he gets physical or abusive call the cops to document it. Depending on what happens they’ll make him leave, at least for the night. Depending on how your lease is (like if he’s also on the lease as a tenant) you can start the eviction process if he isn’t. But a lawyer is definitely where I’d start… no way I’d move out of my house I’m paying for and let him stay so you can get evicted. That stays with you for so long.

12 Likes
11

File for divorce. Get a lawyer. Keep track of all household expenses as well as your daughters. Sue him for what he owes you.

2 Likes
12

File with an attorney
Pack his things and move them to the road… you know what to do…

1 Like
13

Get a restraining order there for he will have to leave then file for divorce

1 Like
14

Is the house in your name , his or joint ?
If its his house you need to leave. Find a shelter with your child and start again
If its yours…pack his stuff and change the locks
Probably best to get legal advice though

3 Likes
15

Consult with a few divorce attorneys. Their fees are different — then file for divorce. From this moment, document any harassment, verbal abuse and derogatory name-calling, keep a journal with details and dates. Save / screenshot and print any kind of these harassing text messages. Hide this file somewhere safe. Save any voicemails. This will all help if you need to get a restraining order.

Keep your money separate. No joint accounts. Switch banks and don’t tell him what bank you’re now at.

If he ever hurts you or your daughter, or sexually assaults you when you’ve clearly said NO, call the police. Sadly, so many women keep this quiet.

I know you’re overwhelmed and probably just praying for peace. It will slowly get better, honey—take your power back over your life and and be safe. :blue_heart:

3 Likes
16

There are local shelters for women and children I been through those some help with housing

1 Like
17

If he is abusive you can get a restraining order. That’s the only way I was able to make my ex husband leave. Go to a domestic violence center and talk to them. That’s what I did and they helped me with the restraining order. Hope things get better for you❤️

4 Likes
18

You have options. I promise you that. I’ve always believed that if you’re gonna do it on your own, you should be on your own. Since you’re doing it all alone, even though your behind, you might as well be on your own. I understand he won’t leave the house, so you have a couple of options… being legally married, the house is marital property… doesn’t matter if you rent or own. I don’t know your financial situation or your bill situation, but you can leave, even with not having anyone. You can stop paying bills where you are, and save every penny possible, find a new place and start over. There are agencies that will help you. Places that can help with food stamps, medical assistance, utility assistance as well as security deposit and rental assistance. Where I am, we have Community Action Council that works with landlords. If needed, they would help me find a place, get set up with the landlord and help with move in expenses. Check your local resources. If you don’t want to leave your home, then I would suggest contacting your landlord/mortgage company as well as all utility companies and inform them of what is going on and set up a plan to get caught up. Then contact the court house about the process in your county for filing for divorce. Some places, you can save a lot of money and file the paperwork yourself. Within the divorce papers, you can list what you’re seeking… absolute divorce, custody, the house, the car etc. In the mean time, if you don’t already have it, get your own bank account for your money, and keep track of EVERYTHING. I would stop asking him for help at all, with anything. No help with the child, no help with bills. Nothing. Document it all and submit everything as proof with your divorce. Also, stop acknowledging him. He may still be in the house, but that doesn’t mean you have to acknowledge his behavior. Don’t wash his laundry. Don’t cook for him. Don’t clean up after him. Don’t answer his calls/texts when you’re out, unless it relates to your child. Stand your ground.

19

Lawyer up and evict him

20

Save some cash and go

21

File for divorce and get a restraining order.

22

If it’s over then save money and move out.

23

You guys do realize the court system is like months behind and will cost so much just to get half, she’s better of finding a way out on her own.

2 Likes
24

Can you go somewhere with your daughter and file for divorce immediately

1 Like
25

Go to a Domestic Shelter for women!!! Don’t put your daughter one more day with this asshole!!!

26

Since you are married that’s his home too. You can’t make him leave nor can he make you leave. You can take your daughter and leave. Go to a DV shelter. Start over. Find your own place for just you and your daughter. Walk away from him before it gets physical.

27

You need to stop making excuses not to leave.
Will it be hard? Yes!
Is it possible?
Um… yeah.
You’re not the first woman in the history of moms that have had to go out and do it on their own.
If you really feel that the safest thing for you and your child is to live somewhere else, then you better get real and get busy handling what you need to handle.
Nobody is gonna save you. So get your big girl pants on and get going. You’re not doing your daughter any favors by staying there and allowing her to watch mom get abused, yelled at, etc…
May take time to save up to move out, but it’s not impossible.
And there are so many resources out there to assist parents in fleeing DV situations. That’s what they are there for. Put your daughter first.

3 Likes
28

If you are feeling unsafe try for a protective order, go to the courthouse in your area file for emergency Temporary full physical custody of your child then find out how to file for a protective order. If you are given one, the police will serve him and remove him from the house. You will have paperwork that gives you physical custody of your child until your court date for custody. Since you are making better money, maybe contact a divorce attorney in your state . Some of them give a free consultation. Worth putting your money towards someone who can help you get away from him legally. Your body still belongs to you even when you are married. Praying for you :pray:

29

You need to put your big girl knickers on and just leave. Even if it means leaving it all behind- fight for it later.
You want to show your daughter that isn’t the way to be treated? Then show her by putting yourself and her first- there are shelters and organisations that can help you. He knows you won’t leave and he knows you won’t do anything- PROVE HIM WRONG

1 Like
30

These are all excuses. Will it be a huge sacrifice… yes! Will you do without some comforts for a bit. Yes! Stop paying the bills at that house. Sometimes you have to loose stuff to get out. When it finally goes to the court maybe you can get some back.
If not these all came from your choices so chalk it up to your fault. You knew how he was when you married him but thought you could change or live with it at the time. There are consequences to choices. Welcome to consequences… watch the maid on Netflix… she literally had nothing and still left. You at least have a job! As for the house leave the mess. Save and go.