I need my mom but I don't know how to show or tell her

I'm a grown woman but I feel like a 5 year old screaming my lungs out for my mom's love. Only I've never received it.

Since birth I know she was hoping I’d be a boy. Even the clothes she had ready were all in blue. So I arrived and my 1st baby pictures were of me as a girl in blue clothes. As time passed I realized my mom wasn’t really ‘there’. She wasn’t really involved in anything. My father was an issue all in its own that I don’t want to talk about but it’s better to say he didn’t exist. So I grew up feeling I had no parents. I have a sister though who is the golden child. Everyshe does is praised and it’s like I’m invisible. I’ve been hurt deeply through my life and needed a mother during those times but she was just never there. Other things were always more important. She left my dad and after him, other men were way more important than I ever was. One even held a gun to my head when I was in elementary school just because he was drunk… and even that didn’t wake her up… so I grew up being used to not really having a mother. Later on she’d blame me for not including her in any decisions I’d make but I wouldn’t because I know she’d always shoot me down or degrade it. The only time she’d ever say thank you to me is if I buy her expensive stuff and it would be short lived. She’d even spread lies about me to other family members to put me in a bad light. Through the years I told myself to just be used to it and it is what it is. But now for some reason it’s hurting me more than ever. I noticed that I’m short with her and my sister because all the frustration is puled up and is just waiting to burst out. But I’m scared they wouldn’t even listen. There’s so much I’ve never told my mother because she was just never there. But all I needed was the love of a mother. I see her be so supportive to my sister bit so cold towards me. Then I swallow the pain and act like everything is fine. But nothing is fine anymore. How do I make her see how I feel… how do I make her see she’s hurt me… and that all I ever needed was a mom… just for example how cold she can be is one night I had a medical emergency and asked her to call the rescue squad. I could barely walk but when they arrived she wouldn’t even get out of bed to unlock the door for them to help me… I had to struggle on my own downstairs to go unlock the door for them… and then they asked me why’s nobody helping you… I didn’t know what to say… is she a narcissists or am I Just not lovable If I ever tell her how I really feel will she even listen… im going through so much and I need a mom… I need love and to be understood

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I need my mom but I don't know how to show or tell her

Give yourself the love and respect that you so badly desire from anyone.

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I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through and are going through. To be honest it sounds like she will never be maternal towards you, that is not your fault at all. I think you’ll open up a world of hurt attempting to receive that from her. You can find mother figures in other people, that’s what I would suggest…could you maybe volunteer somewhere with the elderly…they are often lonely and you can give time and they will probably be nurturing towards you. A win win

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I think I would try going to counseling and see if she would go also

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You might not ever get it, and that isn’t always a bad thing. Family or not no one should be treating you that way. I stopped talking to my mom jan 2015, best desicion of my life. She was abusive and cruel and I didnt need her drama. Sometimes we have to say goodbye for our own sanity.

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I’m sorry, this makes my heart hurt :sob:

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Write your mother and sister a heart felt, letter. See if it makes them realize and see if things change or any apologies come from them. If not, my dear you might just as well cut them out of your life. Break that cycle and be the best mom u can be

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It hard to tell your age from this post. You sound very young and much in need of a mother’s love, I’m praying if you can’t get this from your mom maybe you can find a special aunt to build a close relationship with.or even a friends mom. You can’t change your mom. As you get older you will learn she is who she is .some good ,some bad.you will learn that she loved you the best way she knew how,when she’s older and ready to leave this world. I wish you the best. I miss my momma who went to heaven this past oct.

I’ve been through something similar. If you share your feelings with her be ready to accept that you will most likely not get a positive reaction. Probably a lot of excuses and she will probably pin most of the blame on you and accept no accountability at all.I deeply desired a relationship with a mother type figure. I loved both my grandma’s very much but it wasn’t the same. I have accepted what is and it can still be hard from time to time. Nurture the relationships with other people in your life that are healthy for you to feel fulfilled. Also therapy would be a good suggestion too .

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I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. You have a friend in me if you ever need one. :blush:

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(((HUGS))) You ARE most certainly loveable. I think she is a narcissist. I’m not sure she will ever acknowledge how she treated you. She may be manipulating your sister too. Narcissist don’t play favorites everyone is fair game for their ploys. It’s aall about what gives her a sense of power. Would you consider starting with seeing a counselor? They could help you talk and think this through until you are ready to confront her (if at all). Meanwhile if you go to a church, seek out an older lady there for friendship or maybe one of your friends’ moms. Or a coworker. Many people will be more than happy to be a surrogate mom. Remember: You are kind, you are smart, you are important, and you are loveable.

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Daughters Of Abusive Mothers I suggest joining

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I’m thinking you will never get the mom you want from her. Therefore cut your ties as best you can. If possible check into counciling for yourself. I will be sending up prayers for you, dear one. Just know it’s not your fault your mom is the way she is!:heart::heart::heart:

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You are absolutely loveable. Please don’t question that. Don’t base your self worth on her treatment of you. You deserve so much more! My heart aches for you, I wish I was able to give you the biggest hug. I would recommend seeing a counselor or a therapist. They could help you navigate your feelings and how to possibly move forward with your mom. I’m sending you all the love❤️

It is her not you and your best step would be to walk away and love yourself. No matter what you do it will not change.

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Speaking from a similar experience, she’s a narcissist. You were never the problem. It was her job to make sure you knew how important you are. She never deserved you.

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Totally relatable to all of this. In my case no matter how many times I tried to talk to my mom and explain things her to het she didn’t listen to shit all. She is definitely a narcissist, also had been diagnosed with mental health problems after having a manic episode, but I had been screaming that for years and she wouldn’t admit any of it and she wad also good at playing victims to others. She turned so many people against me. I even went through a period of my teens homeless because of her shit. The thing is she will never cha ge and you got to put yourself first always. The pain won’t go away trust me I know. Allni ever wanted was a good decent mother hut I jave seen learned that she literally just can not be that person. So I’ve made peace with it. I have also cut her kuy of my life entirely. Ibhaf don’t it in part and always went back to her and regretted it instantly e very time. But this last time I knew I had to do it for my own me tal health and to save my own children from het shit. So It’s been a few years now since I I her out for good. It felt differently that time when I did it and I felt so much better there was no guilt or shame doing it this time around and honestly I still ja e zero regrets. I don’t really miss her now because I have mourned her more or less.
One thing you need to stop doing it putting yourself down and feeling like you aren’t good enough for her. That is complete crap. That’s absolutely not true. Don’t ever blame yourself for her problems, it’s not you it’s 1000% her.
I know this isn’t everyone but if inwere you I would do exactly what I did and make peace withbit and move on, pretend you don’t even have a lots because let’s face it you don’t. She may have birthed you but that’s about it.

Pm me…I will act as your mother should have, and one you deserve. Toxic is Toxic honey…blood or not. It’s her loss, not yours.

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get away from it and get therapy…

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You need therapy and learn to love her from afarand move on, or just sit and forever deal with this. My egg donor is an addict and she chose that life over her five children. Instead of sitting and dwelling on it, I’ve decided to MoveOn with my life and give my children the love that I never had.

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Toxic is toxic it don’t matter where it is coming from for your own mental health I suggest you totally and forever cut her from your life because if you don’t than you will always be hurting …go see a therapist to help you get over " I need momma love ".trust me you will be a lot happier

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So sad people do their children this way.Ive never understood mothers or dads treating their children like one is a princess the other like trash.Its done a lot,always makes me think of Cinderella.At the end she was the princess.

I’m very sorry you are going through this.i would tell face to face I won’t care if she hears you,you tell how u feel and your sister after that if she dnt respond to you pray abt it and ask God forgiveness and walk away and keep your head up.God will show her.

I am a mom and I would just like to wrap you in a big hug right now. Praying you find peace in whatever you decide to do in the situation. Have you ever thought that she doesn’t deserve YOUR love? One day she will regret the way she treats you.

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I’d say try and talk to her but if she is a true narcissist she will only blame you and hold everything against you. For example I went through something similar and I explained how it bothered me that she showed love to one person more then me when I’ve always been there for her and she went and made an even stronger bond with that person and they in turn both sided with each other and it got worse. Like she literally had the other person pretending to be a friend and made me think I could lean on her when the whole time this person was going back to her to tell her everything. I was devastated and so hurt and I closed down to everyone because I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone anymore. I understand how you feel and it wasn’t even my own mother it was someone just as close that I thought I could trust. I’ve learned that saying nothing says everything and I had to learn to love myself and that I couldn’t rely on anyone else for my happiness. I had to learn to be content with whatever happens and everything else will fall into place. I hope this helps and I hope you can find someone to trust and confide in and surround yourself with loving and trustworthy people. :heart::hugs::pray:t4:

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Iam this child every man was more important my brother and sister were treated so well but me nope I was thrown at her men so they wouldn’t touch my sister I got raped beaten and everything in between iam now 46 and I left home at 13 with a 20 year old man just to get away from her she gave this man full custody of me and he left Florida with me brought me to Indiana and he beat me and anything else he wanted to do if I tried to get away he call cops and I would be forced to stay with him so see I still have no relationship with her to this day my girls 10 and 11 have never been left alone with her or stayed with her and we live 20 minutes away from each other I tried to mend things but she still insist she did nothing wrong unfortunately she is toxic and you just need to walk away it took me years to learn my worth as a human being and realized I deserved to be lived and I now have an amazing husband for 20 years now youndo not need her validation babe you are an amazing person and you are so lived by many im sure

Set your boundaries with her & your sister.

Cut her out of your life now. God made you and he don’t make trash is a favorite saying of ours. Sometimes we can be hurt so badly, even by blood relatives, that we can’t heal and move forward if we keep them in our lives. When that happens you can either cut them out and start to grow or keep them and be buried deeper. Find yourself a good church to get involved in and in your daily prayers ask God to take away all that is in you that is not of him. God bless you. I will be praying for you. Keep us informed because we care.

The fact you have to ask if you’re “just unlovable” proves your mother is a narcissist. Hugs to you :heart:

I kinda have the same story as you. I haven’t heard from my mom in almost 6 years now. But my autistic brother? She talks to everyday.
We used to be close. Then my dad died (whom she had been separated from for 12+ years) and she basically disowned me because I got stuck in my opiate addiction. (Almost 2 years clean now) She told me I’m nothing more then a pos addict like my father and I should have died instead of him.
It hurts like hell…but I know I’m better without that negativity in my life. I have 4 kids who barely even know their grandmother. All they know or say to me is she “used” to love them :woman_facepalming: As hard as it is…your better without her. You’ve made it thus far with no help of hers!
Be proud of the woman you have grown into!! It won’t be easy by any means but…let it go. Don’t dwell on it, it won’t change the outcome. Just look at what positive there is! Even if it’s tiny, there’s a positive in every situation!
I’ma message away if you ever wanna talk, bitch, vent, cry, etc. I’m an open book that doesn’t judge!
Much love sent your way honey :heart:

Oh this broke my heart!!! You are definitely loveable :persevere::persevere::persevere: i just dont understand how a mother could be like that :sleepy::sleepy::sleepy:

Your mom has serious issues. I’m sorry that she has taken them upon you. You are nit to blame. Seek therapy for yourself. Whatever your mother didn’t do for you that you needed you apply that to your children. She will answer for what she has done. Maybe write her a letter and just walk away from everyone and live your life. If it doesn’t serve you then you are not missing out. Buying her things needs to stop. Text me anytime I’m in CA btw I’m here

So sorry :cry:. My mother passed away when I was 12 and my dad was an alcoholic. Not abusive, just absent. I know exactly how you feel about never having anyone. I made it my mission to love my children more than ever some day. I have one daughter, and she is my best friend. It’s hard not having a mother through all of life’s difficulties. I think you need to move on and get help for yourself. She’s not going to change. I will be your mother! Message me!

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She knows exactly how she makes you feel and enjoys it. Cut her and your sister out of your life and get counseling for narcissistic abuse.

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Write her a letter. Say your peace and the rest is up to her. You don’t owe her anything.

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I have a mother just like this myself. I’ve finally come to the realization that I have been without her love and support for several decades and that I don’t need her now. I have cut her out of my life indefinitely but the thought of how nice it would be to have a real mom still lingers.

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Cut her out of your life and go for counciling.

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This broke my heart, how anyone could be so un motherly to their children is beyond me! You deserve so so so much more than that, I wish I could hug u right now! :sob::heart: you are loveable , don’t ever think ur not, the issue doesn’t lay with you!

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After 38 years I am no longer involved with my toxic mother… our mothers sound very similar, and I had still been that small child on the inside crying for my mommy, but she was still never there. Or there was tons of manipulation. After a while I had to decide to let go, bc what ot was doing to me by trying to have here my mother, was just hurting me worse. Now it’s been almost a year, we rarely talk or even see each other, and honesty it’s nice to not have the extra chaos in my life. You may want to really think about this… wish you the best

You’re the daughter of a narcissist mother, it’s so very painful. In my case the narcissistic person is my father. I’ve gone to a lot of therapy. I went no contact and it was the best decision for my mental health.

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I’m so sorry you are going through this and have been your whole life! My mother was amazing and loved all of us, but she passed away unexpectedly when I was 18 and my aunt and a friends Mom as well as my older siblings make sure I felt loved and helped me in any way they could (I also had a 8 month old son and we lived with my Mom). I would tell her how you feel just to get it off your chest and then find a mother figure to love you and for you to love! This world is full of women who wanted children and couldn’t have them or have grown children or just have more love to give and I’m sure one of those lovely ladies would give you the love you never received. Maybe consider counseling as well, just so you have a safe space to get everything out and are better understood. Good luck to you and I hope you are able to heal or at least move on from that childhood trauma!! Hugs!!

Toxic family members do not need a place in your life, I am sorry your going through this but she is not changing and hoping she will …is only gonna make it worse cut her out you have been doing this all along without her you can keep going after you cut her out life will be better you don’t need her approval I know you want it but you got this girl! Lean on friends and the family that do care and let her be she doesn’t deserve you anyways💜

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You need to get right away from this person & make a new life even change your name ’ get someone to talk to face to face " this person is evil :smiling_imp:

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So sorry for all you’ve been through. Talk to a trusted relative or friend about your situation and definitely try to get counseling. Best of luck to you!

:sob::sob::sob: I felt this to my core.
I have the exact same family.
I am 43 I have nine kids… My mother knows none of them. She has never shown any interest in getting to know my kids. It’s like we don’t even exist.
When I had my first child at 21 she also had a baby. All it’s ever been about is her and her new family. I do not exist to her.
It’s not gotten easier, the needing and not having her 🤷
My only advice is to find your people … Your real family. Family isn’t always blood 🤷♥️

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You gotta love yourself. Talk to the little living inside you and love her YOURSELF! Sounds crazy but no one’s love can fill this hole other than yours. I have had major mom issues my whole life and this is what I have come to, with a lot of professional help. We are all doing the best we can with the skill we have. That includes your mom. She may not have the skills to be what you need and you have to accept that. Expecting change only hurts us. Love yourself like you want to be loved by your mother. :two_hearts: good luck

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You can try to tell her your feelings but based on what you said, it would do no good. She will never give you what you need. I’d strongly suggest going low or no contact with her and seek therapy for yourself.

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I hear you and what you say is valid. You have worth and you are absolutely loveable. I’m sorry that it is lost on your mother. I’m sorry that you were even ever put in a position to have a gun to your head as a child. Some people should not be mothers. She might be blood but she has not earned a place in your life. You cannot control her actions and you may never get an apology. You can control what you do. Therapy could be so beneficial as well as putting some distance between you and your mother. I hope and pray you find healing.

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Im sorry you grew up with that kind of mother. I’m only 28, but felt as though I lived that pain threw your post. I pray you find your peace, and cut that Toxic person out. Hang in there

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Write a letter explaining everything then you will have got it off your chest then leave it if you can’t change something then leave it

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This broke my heart. A parents unrequited love is the absolute worst feeling. Hugs. I have learned to move forward without and build my own happiness. I try really hard to give the love to my kids that I didnt/don’t receive

Cut her out of your life. She is toxic. She doesn’t deserve to be in your life let alone hold the title “mom” her actions are disgusting. This is heart breaking and I’m sorry you had to go through that. Do what’s best for you, cut all ties.

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I’m 46 with a mom toxic like this… I remember being 12 and telling her I’d never be like her; she slapped me. I also have the “perfect in her eyes sister” and everything I say and do is wrong… and I mean everything. It was beginning to affect my emotional well-being. It wasn’t until 2015, I was 39, I just couldn’t take anymore, and decided my future years I deserved to be happy… I cut and burned all the bridges with the dysfunction. Do I wonder how my mom is? Sure. You think she calls? I had a baby in 2017…some how she found out I was pregnant. Any how… you think she has made any effort for my RAINBOW child? No…I know I’ve made the best choice for me and my daughter. Please know you ARE NOT ALONE. You can just promise yourself you won’t be her and raise your own kids the way you were. My love surrounds you!!!

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Im in the same boat but I ahave decided to cut her completely because I can to realize she is no good for my mental health is toxic and never loved me or was part of my lofe as a child gave her opprtunities now as an a adult and she disnt car so I will protect me and love me and move on! I will be the best mom to mu children and just focus on my family I have created. Go to theraphy will help u alot. Message me if u would like to talk

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This sucks because even if you ask her, you may not get her love :woozy_face: The book by Danu Morrigan really helped me come to terms and heal. There’s also this book in the picture :two_hearts:

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Tell her how you feel how you felt as a small child let it out… You will feel better when she passes away you really going to wish you would have told her.

Be TRUE to YOU. Love YOU, first. Give YOUrself credit for ACKNOWLEDGMENT!!! A woman can give birth. Does NOT mean she is a MOTHER of any kind. A mother nurtures from birth. Let go of TOXIC. Be thankful YOU get to choose your tribe, now.
Breathe. Let go of ALL BITTERNESS & ANGER. You can’t changer “her story” BUT -YOU- can change YOUR STORY.

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Write all that down and send it to her thru a letter or text.
I know how you feel but with me it’s my dad. I always wished he could give me the same love n treatment he gives to my oldest sister. The first born of the family. Favoritism really sucks and idk if he knows it or not. He even treats my daughter differently than his other grandkids. Always makes me feel weird

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Sometimes a mother isn’t the person who gave birth to us, but someone we have built a friendship with that is like a mother. Maybe an aunt, a friends mom, or even an older friend. I never had my father because he died. I always looked to my pap and uncles until my step dad came into my life. It actually wasn’t until I had children of my own that my step-dad and I formed a relationship. It seems to me you would be better off without trying to win your mother’s love or even your sisters for that matter. A family isn’t always blood and sometimes blood isn’t always what we can rely on to be a family. I’ve learned this the hard way in life. Sometimes we are better off creating our own family, even if that family is only yourself. Love yourself enough to get away from this toxic environment or you will do nothing but continue to hurt. It will hurt more to stay connected to people who obviously don’t want to be connected to you, than it will to walk away from them. Any mother who stays with a man that holds a gun to their child’s head, can’t really be called a mother. You’ve already been through so much, why continue to hurt.

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U are loveable and it is your mother who is the toxic one. That is her shit to deal with, not yours. Cut her toxic self out of your lives. She is no good for you and your kids

Sadly if you tell her how you feel nothing will change, narcissistic people don’t see them as the problem, it’s everyone else and they don’t like being called out nothing makes a narcissistic person more mad then being forced to hear the truth. You probably will never get the apology you so deserve, or see any change. I understand why you want to, but be prepared for her lack of being a supportive mother will somehow be your fault, you’re sad and it’s normal to feel that, just make sure mentally you are at a place that by confronting her won’t do more damage. There are certain situations in life we never get the closure we need, one of the hardest things in the world is grieving someone who is still alive, and that’s what you are doing grieving for your mother to accept you. I hope somehow find a way to build your relationship with her and the future makes up for all the lost time, just be careful and know you are not alone💕

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You need to cut her out COMPLETELY!!! A narcissist at its horrible finest. She is playing favourites and it’s so cruel and mean, you don’t deserve any of that, your children don’t need that in their lives at all either.

Sometimes you just have to really cut people off, grieve their loss and never look back. Counseling would probably be the best route because it is obvious mom won’t change.

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You need an adopted mama… and to cut your biological mother out. You said a couple of key things that go beyond narcissistic abuse…and it is NOT you. Chances are your sister is easier to manipulate…meaning she doesn’t question your mothers behavior so she is the golden child. For now…I would get into counseling…and a mother figure doesnt have to be someone your mothers age… just someone with more wisdom who genuinely wants the best for you.

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My Eldest Daughter was in a somewhat similar situation.
While I am Sorry for what she has been through, I could also send a Thank You to wherever her Bio Mom went, after she passed.
This Young Lady, and her immediate Family Unit, took me right in and accepted me as GrandMa/Grammy, Mom and depending on the Person, Mary.
We are Family now. Down to Emergency Contact listing.

My Long Winded Advice is –
Go on, do what is Best for the Children and Yourself. Keep saving your rainy day fund, but if you want a house and can afford it, then take the Youngin’s and get one. With ONLY you and the Children.

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My mum didn’t even come to me when my daughter died suddenly at the age of 13…

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I feel for you I grew up with a loving mum and 10 siblings and we were all loved dad worked to keep us so it was mum that was always there for us . I would just walk away from here and find a good friend to talk to and get hugs from

I haven’t talked to my mother for years, sometimes its best just to cut some people out, hate to say it, Im a lot happier

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Stop letting your mom control your happiness. Give your problems to God and find forgiveness for her. Your sister is innocent and doesn’t ask for your mother to do what she does. You will let your mother control you and you’ll miss out in life. If or when you have kids just remember not to do the same. Hugs and love to you. May God heal your well being

Show her the post you wrote, if she ignores your plea for help you are probably better off without her :cry:

Send her this post and see if she gets it and maybe talk about how you feel ! If it continues, cut her out of your life all together

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If it makes YOU feel better, tell her just like you wrote here. Write a text or a letter but understand it may not change anything. She may not acknowledge your thoughts and feelings or validate you.

My advice would be to get it out there so you can clear the air and use it to move forward. Find a church group, a mentor, a neighbor, a MOPS member, an aunt…someone who can help guide and lead you who WANTS to support and validate you. I’m so sorry you’re hurting and she isn’t there for you. There are others who can step up and be there in her stead. :blue_heart:

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You need to not worry about your mom right now and get yourself some help in the form of therapy. You sound deeply depressed. Good luck to you.

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Show her what you just showed us.If you keep holding these feelings inside you wont be able to move on in ur life…you might want to talk to a therapist to help you through these feelings.im sorry your going through this pain…

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You are love able. I’m sorry your mom failed to meet your emotional needs. You need to set up boundaries and find a counselor to help you work through all of your trauma. If you don’t, this will continue and history will repeat itself. Listen to someone who waited until 50 to make the move for counseling. Don’t wait. Praying for you sweet girl.:heart:

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I was this person years ago. She didn’t believe me. Now I’m struggling with being close to anyone but my husband

I’m so sorry… Parents should never be like that. And I don’t know how you have pit up with her for so long. My best advice is too cut her out of your life. Sounds like he does nothing positive towards you. My mom is terrible. I cut her out of my life. And she called cps on me (about 5 times, some in different states). But I’ll tell you what, my life has been so much better without her :pray:t2::raised_hands:t3:

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This is my first year of cutting off ties with my greedy, selfish Mother and I have never felt so much better!

I have pretty much lived this life too but I had a younger brother instead of a sister. I know your pain.

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Honestly, it seems like talking to her would be like talking to a wall and possibly more damaging for you. I highly suggest therapy for you to deal with these feelings and how to move past them. I’ve fought my whole life for unconditional love from my father and it took me 32 years to accept he isn’t capable of giving me such. I blamed him for so long but now I have an acceptance for what he is. Yes, there are days I mourn for what I wanted and needed growing up but I cant keep putting energy into something that will not change. Instead, I put that energy in making me stronger and accepting that there isn’t anything wrong with me but him. I hope this helps.

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You no longer need your mother, that ship has sailed, you now need repairative therapy to treat disfavored child status and probable other abuses, you have nothing but more disappointment and dysfunction waiting if you try to enlighten your mother, but you have a new healthy outlook waiting for you when you shed all the bullshit baggage she left you with from her warped parenting

Your mom is not sound of mind. It’s not you.

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You need a good therapists. Your mom sounds like she was unable to give u the love u needed and that trauma needs work.
Her response might not be what you want it to be and it may hurt just as much.

Hunni
You are stronger then you realise
It sounds like you had to take on the role of being a parent to your mom
And that’s so wrong for her to put you in that position
The fact that you still try to help her when she still putting you down
is a huge credit to you hunni
We all need our moms
Even though I’m not biologically your mom
I would be honoured to be a mother figure for you
To talk to about anything and everything (I’ve raised 2 kids and helping to raise 3 grandkid)
So there isn’t anything I haven’t seen or heard yet that could phase me
Be strong you got this

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I’m sorry. There is so much pain. It was never you. Mom was/is not capable of love. Again not your fault And you will never know the whole story
For now you need an evaluation. For depression and anxiety. You need to stop trying to buy your mom’s love or acceptance.
First take care of you. GOOD THERAPY. It will take a while. Now you need to love you. You are worth it. You don’t need your families approval. Get into groups and hobbies. Slowly make friends. Harder when you are older. Work, volunteer Believe if you help others you help others. Remember I’m okay, I’m strong. Repeat every day.

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My Mum told me she would give e nothing ater she gave my sister $5 ooo…o an i asked was i getting the same an they were her words , But i jut accepect her for who she was LIFE HAS MANY CUVE BALLS … ITS WILL BE ALL UP TO YOU … GOOD LUCK TAKE CARE :kissing_heart:

I let my mom go 2 years ago. From her covert toxic narcissism. Best choice I ever made. She will never love you, they are not capable of it. I accept it now.

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I have been in the same boat as you my so called mother looked at me one day and said I was the biggest mistake she ever made. One day I simply accepted the fact that I had no family and found out I was just fine on my own. Of course I do have a best friend who is my confidant and you probably need to find a person like that as well. Maybe go see a counselor I did for many years and it helped.

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It’s not you honey. It’s your mom. I’d leave the relationship if I were you. She has to come to terms on her own without running you over numerous Times

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I’m so sorry you didn’t have a good mother. I think you need to get into therapy to deal with the trauma and help you realize that you’ll never be able to have the bond with her that you want.

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This hurts my heart to read. I’m so sorry you have had to deal with this your whole life. You need to let it all out, all those years let your mother hear it everything and once you have got it all out, kick her out of your house and never speak to her again. The reason I say this is because she won’t listen but you will have the chance to tell her everything and it’ll make you feel better saying it rather than holding it in. You don’t deserve to feel like this anymore, you deserve to be valued, to be loved, to be appreciated and not used. You need to tell her why you never want anything to do with her.

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I will be your mother!!! Pm me your number or I’ll send you mine! (SERIOUSLY) you should NEVER have to beg for your mother’s love or attention!! EVER!!

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I have heard of this before the only thing I could make of it is she hates your father and you look like him or act like him in her mind. You can talk til your blue in the face it will not change her thinking I have noticed a improvement in peoples thinking by not talking to them for a couple of years But then you give it a try again and it goes back to where it was sometimes she’s an individual with her own mindset and stubborn to change Go your own way find people who like you Get your self esteem back sorry god gave you that mom

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Is there another woman you can get close to? Maybe have her as a surrogate mother. When my mom died I was able to look at a friend’s mom that way. Helped a lot

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I am so sorry. No one deserves to be dealt this in life.
I would love to talk to you and add you and if you have a family add them as well to my family. You would be welcomed with open arms.
PM me if you would enjoy connecting.
Again I am so sorry you were treated this way. As someone already pointed out, it’s not you it is about how horrible your Mother is.
Sending hugs and love :heart:

It sounds to me like therapy would be a good option for you. It really helped me deal with childhood traumas, and I’ve never been in an emotionally stable place like I am now. Good luck to you.

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Oh how I feel your pain but you are not alone. I don’t want you to think that I don’t feel your pain because I do. I had a mother who was 16 when she had her first child. A girl. Then along came another girl at the age of 17. Then when I was born (another girl) at 19 it was like she didn’t want me. She finally got her biy at 21 and then 2 more girls followed at 23 and 26. So I was the middle child and I was chubby so I believe because my father ridiculed her for being heavy she took it out on me. I was 13 when my parents divorced and I was the only one who stayed with my father because of her infidelity. She hated me for that. So from the time I was 16 til 67 and can honestly say we never had a mother daughter relationship. I use to cry .yself to sleep at night to wonder why she disliked me so much. Now she is in a nursing home with dementia (in and out) but now it’s all about regrets. So my advice to you is to see if you can reconnect with your mo. Before it’s too late. Not everybody had a great mother but she still gave birth to me. Learn from her mistakes and be the best mom you can be.

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I’m sorry you’ve had a difficult relationship with your mother. You’ve had verification from emergency rescue professionals that you were not given proper care. It’s time to move on and find healing through: friends, mental health professionals, community helpers, and/or clergy, and etc. I’ve found serving others gives me positive affirmation. May the Good Lord bless and keep you in your healing journey.

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Neither of you are narcissists. She may have some serious mental health concerns but they are bigger and deeper than a narcissist.
I highly suggest asking her to go to therapy with you, but I don’t imagine she’ll actually go. If she does, she’ll feel attacked and quit.
Coming from a true place of understanding, I suggest for your own mental health, walk away. We have the ability to create our own family.
When someone is a constant negative in your life it is okay to cut them out. The fact that they are family isn’t enough. YOU and your wellbeing has to come first.
I still suggest therapy. You need to work through the abandonment and rejection. You need to heal the one person you can control: YOU. Trust me, it’s not easy but it’s worth it.

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