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QUESTION:
"I have an 8-year-old daughter and started dating my now hubby 3 years ago. He has a 5-year-old daughter as well. Everything was great between all of us until we got married! My mom passed away a week before my wedding so I have no one to get advice from and it’s killing me to air out my laundry on Facebook but I just don’t know what to do…my kiddo and husband are not getting along and she’s not listening to him at all, and it’s causing a lot of tension between him and me because I’m on both of their sides. Has anyone had this problem before and if so, what helps?! thank y’all so much for any input and for letting me rant!"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"You need to listen to your child first and need to know what is causing that behavior maybe something has happened and I would definitely talk to the child maybe take her out have a good day and then ask maybe something fishy is going on!!"
"Talk to him openly how you feel. If he doesn’t stop I wouldn’t stay around. He is making your kid feel unwanted and when your kid gets older probably won’t be around because you didn’t stop it. If his kid is welcome so should yours. Your kid was there before him so I would definitely defend my kid."
"There is no good answer but I would listen to my child and be more aware of how she acts."
"If things were fine until you got married, she may be jealous. You having a boyfriend is way different than marrying and moving in together. I would definitely take her out for a walk or a treat and ask her why she has been acting that way. Unless his requests are unreasonable it is up to you to enforce her listening to him. Also, ask for her to come up with some suggestions on how to make things better. Let her know there will be consequences and follow through."
"She’s 8 and changing… my daughter started really giving attitude around 8/9 to all of us and it just keeps going … she’s 12 now. It might really be nothing personal towards your husband she might generally just not like anyone right now very much. You could ask them to bond and her them out doing things together to build stronger trust. If it doesn’t get better then try therapy and see if it’s deeper than just hormones."
"Just because you got married doesn’t mean he’s her dad and she will act as such. I got into a relationship when my girls were 7 and 9. My fiancé doesn’t parent my daughters at all really. If he did there would be mega tension. My older daughter took about 5 years before she spoke to him without him prying. Talk to her find out how she feels. And then the adults need to make changes. That’s my opinion and what has worked for me. If he has a problem with something they’re doing I talk to them if I agree if I don’t he and I have a conversation."
"Kids come first…if a child just flat out has a problem with an adult and refuses to get along with them, there is a reason."
"Respect is earned not given, maybe he needs to show her she can trust him, that he listens to her and values her opinion"
"My daughter did the same thing. It didn’t last forever. They’re best friends now."
"Your daughter might be missing her grandmother"
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