I really need advice for my daughters behavior

I need some serious advice for what to do with my eight years old. She is so ungrateful, rude, bossy, demanding, and just constantly argues no matter what it is that you say, she has to argue. She spends most of her time screaming and especially at me, her mother. You can never please her. No punishment or discipline seems to help or change things. She was making progress for a little bit, and then she went back to the old behavior except worse. I’ve tried taking things away, the loving approach, the screaming approach, I’ve done programs to help, I’ve ignored and, I’ve cried, I feel like I have done it all. I notice the good, I spread my attention around, I spend quality time with her, I honestly am at a loss. She becomes so destructive when angry. She has a doctor’s appt on Feb 16th. Her behavior has me feeling so depressed and burnt out, and I just need some advice. Has anyone else dealt with this with their child or children? How did you cope?


How old is she? Screaming back isn’t effective. Are you staying consistent with the programs you’ve tried?

I’m wondering if she doesn’t need an outlet for her time/attention. Art/sport etc. is she in school or virtual? Sometimes kids take it out on the only person around. She could have pent up emotions that she doesn’t know how to express. I’d seek therapist who can help.


Put her in her room with no toys TV etc. When she wants to act right then she can interact with you again. She’ll get them point eventually if you stay consistent. No one wants to be around you when your act like a spoiled brat.


She could be on the verge of starting puberty… I’m currently going through this with my 8 yr old… And we’ve noticed big mood changes


First make sure her mental health is in order. Sometimes people who suffer depression one of the signs is lashing out. If that’s not the case honestly I would say take absolutely everything away from her until she learns to appreciate you and her behavior changes consistently changes. I want you to decide to give things back if her behavior regresses you take her things away again. Take away absolutely everything except for her bed a pillow and a blanket


Put her in her room!

Hell, I would of been picking up my teeth from the floor if I yelled at my mother. I be damned :joy:

Yesss same and mine is 7 almost 8 and im at an end with what to do

We’ve tried everything but the one thing that calls get down is sending her to her room with nothing and then when she calms down she can come out or play

Yes my granddaughter was the same way for awhile. We started her on therapy and she is doing alot better now.

I have a friend who claims that her sons behavior changed so much once they stayed doing yoga together twice a day. They do it to start and end the day.


My daughter went through this at that age, we started her on a low dose of Lexapro for childhood anxiety. It was a huge change, along with continued work from us of course, not just meds. But she is no longer on the meds. And does great.

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Mine is 11, male. Epic meltdowns…therapy helped, I found that swimming and a Home Depot 5 gallon bucket with drumsticks helped as well. Best wishes, it’s hard, I know…

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We are In a pandemic everyone forgets how hard this is on kids it’s not just adults that are stressed nothing is the same they can’t be with mates it’s gonna be hard bear with her


Model respectful conversation. If she says she doesn’t want to talk, listen to her, you can’t force conversation. If she’s refusing to do things that are asked give her proper choices (dishes now or dishes after the next meal(and more of them)). If she’s asking for space give it.
Talk to her and ask what she needs, maybe she is burnt out too and hasn’t found an appropriate outlet.
She’s also heading right into puberty soon, so her hormones may be wonky too.
Life is stressful right now and we expect so much from children; that we don’t even expect from other adults

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Around 7 my daughter became VERY destructive she ruined a 3rd generation vanity she cut her window screen and emptied her piggy bank out it which was about $70 she would empty all her clothes and toys out she would break toys, shred paper, draw on the wall or couch. Finally I took EVERYTHING I made her give it ALL away I mean ALL. She had a bed on the floor because she wrecked her princess canopy bed it looked like Cinderellas carriage. She had books kept on my book shelf. I put her TV in my room took her DVD player and tablet. For 1 year an ENTIRE year she had nothing but her bed and 1 book at a time. She could watch TV with us in the livingroom. We don’t have video games I don’t allow them in my house. He’d behavior drastically changed. She loves to read now and is a full grade ahead in reading (she just turned 10) she plays very well with her 3 little siblings, she got her own cat that she is amazing with. She appreciates the things she has. She gets $ for helping with laundry and cleaning up with her siblings and helping load and unload the dishwasher. It’s never much usually around $5 a week. She helps maybe 3 chores a week lol but I don’t even have to bribe her she just offers to help.


Sounds like she could have add, or adhd. Maybe look into those as well.

My 9 year old has been this way since she was 5, turns out she has autism and possible bipolar disorder. She is on medication for it much to the dismay of me and her dad. But she is doing better not 100% but enough to notice.

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have her thyroid checked mines been all over the place most of my adult life and some days are horrible. she may as well be going through puberty and may not be able to deal with the hormones’. If all that is in check like someone else said a good slap in the mouth with make her rethink yelling at you. I did that to my momma once and once was enough for me to get it. I agree with taking everything and making it more of a “jail” walls blankets and pillows thats it. Ive had the happen to me and at 12 i learned quick that shit isnt fun. Stay with what every you pick. I have a 12 4 and 2 year old stay on what ever you pick.

Something could have happened to her that you have no knowledge of.


maybe your daughter is mad because you label her with a bunch of negative defining characteristics and then take her shit away on the basis that she’s a shitty kid. idk.

I’m glad you asked this question because I have been at work all day thinking about this exact scenario with my own 8 year old daughter. She’s a very strong willed little girl. She listens to nothing I say to her. She’s dangerous with her toddler brother, like she just doesn’t care. To be honest, I think there is some ADHD going on because she also has more energy than I’ve ever seen before. She is the perfect child at school and other people’s houses, but home, she just has such a terrible attitude. I just keep telling myself that this is her safe place to have as many meltdowns as she needs, as long as she goes out into the world a good person (and she does) then I know I’m doing my job right and she’s not a bad kid, she just feels safe to be completely herself at home, meltdowns and all.

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Speak with her doc…

Mine did the same she’s 7 diagnosed w adhd a month ago . Low dose and it’s working great.

You are the adult/parent. She is 8, old enough to know better. Sit her down and tell her what things she is doing that are unacceptable. Give her consequences. Go sit in her room and think about what she did. No matter what do not give in! Not once! Praise her on her good days! I’m sure she doesn’t act this way in school or at a friends house. She does it to you because she can! (Mom of 5 and gramma to 17)


I wish I had helpful advice. But my 9 year old daughter is the same way and I’m completely at a loss. I’m making her an appointment to speak with a therapist because I don’t know what else to do. I feel like it has to do with life changes over the past few years in our case. That plus the fact that her whole life has been turned upside down in this pandemic. Missing friends and school, no softball, which is her whole life. I feel so sad for all of my kids for this…

paddle her butt it will get her attention


She needs a therapist. It helped not only my kids but me be a more effective mom. Look up healthy parent-child boundaries to get a jump start.

It’s shocking how early teenaged behavior starts for girls these days. It’s so hard! I’m sorry I don’t have any advice to give, just sympathy. My daughter just got worse and worse, but after she turned 18 she hiked the entire Appalachian Trail and she’s been a lot more pleasant since then.

Have you tried letting her go somewhere quiet and signing instead of speaking? Sounds like a sensory meltdown. They can arrive with puberty in girls. Speak at a whisper and let her know she can go somewhere without retribution.

She sounds like my Niece…She has Pda which is type of Autism…Its anxiety based and even slight demands such as get dressed can send their anxiety thru the roof…Which can result in aggression and violence…They need to be in control…Not saying it is this but worth reading up on PDA

My son is adhd and its hard but i have strict schedule and routine and every single time he acts out its the same response and discpline. When hes upset i send him to his room to calm down. I tell him you have a right to be mad sad or overwhelmed but you will not disrespect me or the home. On bad days good ole mannual labor on the farm.

She’s a “product” of her environment.

Talk to her Dr about it. There is help out there for her. She could have anxiety with all that is going on this pass year…

Look into a diagnosis of ODD oppositional defiant disorder-

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She may have actual mental health issues they generally cannot give an accurate diagnosis so young but kids with bipolar sometimes do have fits and cry and seem uncontrollable at that age. And they do not diagnose them with it until a bit older.symptoms desguise as adhd and anxiety… take her to children’s let them test her… they are the best dealing with it. It can be hereditary so check ur family history prayers for you

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I’m sorry but it sounds like a few old fashion whipping will straighten this rude not thankful for anything BRAT. Now that is there are no medical problem


Remove red yellow dyes artificial coloring, gluten and do a food journal. Our children are telling us our foods is poisonous and we aren’t listening. Instead we are medicating and ignoring it

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Take everything but her bed out of her room. You pick her clothes out too. In order to get her things back she has to be good. If she has bad behavior take back away what she has gained.


I agree worth the possibility of puberty, whenyou take her to the doctor ask about having her tested for hormones, you also should give her the talk abhor changes in her body to expect. Many girls are starting their periods before their 9th birthday. My friends daughter started in kindergarten. There could be other issues going on such as depression, her world had been turned upside down because of COVID. She may need counseling. Another problem could be lack of discipline over the last 8 years, and now you want to start in with discipline after allowing bad behaviors. Might ended want to have her checked for allergies, believe it or not I have read studies that talk about allergies causing behavioural issues in children.

Is there something “medical” wrong? Check for UTI’s.

No kid at the age of 8 acts like that unless the parents have allowed it from day one …


Your best bet is to just talk with her doctor about it. I think her doctor may suggest counseling. Hitting her is only going to escalate the problem and not help anything.

I’ve a 9yr old girl also 11 and 15. The 15 yr old is unruly as went live with her dad. Just stick to 1 punishment. My kids know they do not shout at me just by a look now lol. But mine get put bed early and lose tv that night and whatever tech so tablet for an hour. Seems work. I would say try not let her see you cry or rage as my 15 yr old admitted she can make me cry.its a sign if power and winning. Girls are worse. My boys do not ever answer back.Also next day is a new day. Ill not let my kids go bed mad either,ill talk to them before bed still kisses cuddles. I believe they need to know who’s boss but also I parent alone I dont want them resenting me

Sounds like my 11 and 9 year old. They have adhd and asd. X

Children must be allowed to experience the consequences of their actions and choices. If you argue with her, you are shielding her from what she has decided, and often she has made the wrong choice. Allowing her to suffer the consequences of her actions and recognising the flaws in her decision, is an important life lesson, and it tends to work with growing children, unless your child has a diagnosed condition, in which case different methods are necessary.


I had the same problem with my 9 year old. When I took everything away from her except 5 outfits of clothes that I chose for her She turned around fairly quickly. I made her earn them back little-by-little


I’m not saying this is the case and a lot of people say " oh never" but is there a possibility of molestation taking place? Something to consider or ask. Just speaking from experience.

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Strip her room to nothing but a bed and a dresser. Make her earn things back. No phones no tv nothing.


I found this. And i changed my ways. Some kids feel overwhelmed, and no control . My youngest. Is very stubburn strongwilled and determined so discipline didnt work. Yes she gets into trouble when she’s doing something wrong but now for us instead od saying flat out.no. like slime 5am in the morning i give two different options that im happy with and it gives her choices and i explain can be later on activity so she knows ok so nows not a good time kinda thing. Life is easier now. And i dont yell as much unless i really have too. Start with yourself no yelling no talking nothint when they in this meltdown let them know ur there then when its done find the bigger problem and talk about a better way. Do this everytime. And slowly this will stop always find the issue and find the solution.

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My almost 8 year old son was the same way. Says some of the most hateful things just to get a reaction. No punishment ever did anything to change his behaviors.He was having issues at school too so I had him tested and he was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. His dr said the ODD is where all of his behavior issues were coming from. His behavioral aid at school has helped him quite a bit with thinking about how his words and actions effect others.

I’m so sorry your going through this my oldest was like this it was impossible it took about 6 years of constant battles for him to grow out of it I wish you luck if it helps he has grown into a wonderful man

I agree with the ladies that said strip her room. Leave her bed and some books. Leave enough clothes for exactly a week in her closet.


It seems to me there maybe a serious medical problem and untill told differently by a medical professional I would hold off acting on any advice or suggestions as it may be more harmful than good, I hope and pray you find answers soon


Strip everything from her. Can even take her bedroom door off. I’m sure she will start to understand real quick.


Could be a hormone imbalance or getting her time soon I got mine when I was 8 so could be either of those

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Good old ass beating remember what our parents did to us

My cousins kid is very slighlty autistic and has a mood disorder they did not find this out til he was 7 almost 8 he has the right meds now and is doing soo much better he just turned 10. my cousin had to change drs too her original dr said boys will be boys dont settle if you dont like your answer

Have her screened for oppositional defiant disorder. A child psychiatrist/psychologist may be in order. They can be helpful even if nothing is mentally wrong, though you might have to pay out of pocket if so.

I also feel it is helpful to sympathize with how they’re feeling when there’s a meltdown and asking gentle questions (“Wow, you sound angry/frustrated/sad/disappointed. Tell me about what made you feel this way.” Often just having you listen WITHOUT JUDGMENT OR INTERRUPTION and making her feel heard is all the solace she needs & models being a good listener. You don’t even have to find a solution. Just acknowledge and validate her feelings, even if you don’t agree with what made her feel that way.

I found a chore chart with behavior goals was helpful too (brushing teeth, going to bed, getting dressed, etc. without a fuss). Gold stars with an achievable number over the week earns a non-food privilege, such as an extra 15-30 minutes of screen time, the chance to pick a dinner or carry out menu for one meal, a special outing to a garden or park or movie, mani or pedi, whatever you can manage that would please her.

Also family meetings where everyone gets a turn to make requests and come up with solutions Tampa down on whining. Got a problem? Work to define why it’s a problem, not just a complaint. What do you want to have happen as a result? It gets written down for the weekly meeting agenda. Everyone think about ideas & solutions in the meantime. No endless complaining or accusations allowed, and all family members who can speak participate equally. Just ask for what you want & others can ask questions to clarify. The person gets to speak without interruption. I found it helpful to have an object to hold and only the person with the object has the right to speak. Then participants discuss how that could be accomplished, often with modifications or adjustments. Have it at the same time every week so everyone knows in advance when their concerns will be addressed.

For example, “I want ice cream for every meal.” It’s not healthy and can harm you in the long run, so we can’t do that. BUT, we could offer one scoop of ice cream for dessert at lunch or dinner at least once a week, and on holidays. We could also introduce a healthier alternative on another day, like frozen grapes, frozen fruit or juice bars, tofutti, or shaved ice with syrup, juice or marshmallows on it.

Another example: “Your room is always a mess!” This is not a concern so you have to articulate WHY this is a problem. Is it that you can’t tell what’s clean or dirty for laundry purposes or it’s hindering vacuuming? Is it taking too long to find clothes and get dressed? Is there molding food involved potentially creating health/bug problems? Or is it just that it affects your sensibilities? Can you compromise? Bed can be left unmade but all toys need to be stowed before dinner or bedtime? Would an open bin/s or open shelves vs hanging up help with putting clothes and other possessions away? Let your daughter lead with ideas.

Everyone brainstorms ways to make it easier and more manageable to achieve what really matters. Maybe just closing her door so you don’t have to look at it is a solution.

In the end, for every agenda item, decide what will happen and ask the people involved if that’s acceptable for now. After a week or a month the issue can be revisited. Encourage your child to think of solutions. The process helps everyone learn to listen, collaborate, be considerate of others, look for the issues behind complaints, and focus on solutions and progress—especially parents! I found it also helpful to end with everyone saying something they were grateful for and giving one compliment to everyone present.

Also, be sure your daughter is getting en

Whoop that ass, and take everything from her. She old enough to learn to do with our, that’s the way I grew up. I had everything stripped from my room, I was told to stare at the walls. Tell her when she learns to mind and behave she can have it back little by little as she progresses. Most kids act like that because they weren’t taught the right away and were raised to do whatever. That’s why you gotta start early around 2 atleast so they grow up knowing better and not to be allowed to get Away with sruff

Make sure nothing else going on…medical…or issues…
If not then time to get tough…
Take away her stuff…earn back with good behaviour…backslide then take away…

Sounds like ADHD to me and medication is needed to see better results unfortunately that’s what I had to do as much as I was against it that was my only other option and things have finally started to turn around best of luck to you

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My great grandson lives with me. He’s oppositional defiant and disrespectful. Destructive. Timeouts don’t work taking things don’t help. Spankings do nothing. I’m giving up

My mom busted my face open first time I screamed at her and for my cousin to learn she had a mattress on the floor one blanket and one pillow she scheduled meals everyday and was treated like she was I prison she wanted something she behaved and earned it eventually she got everything back and had become more appreciative


Ignore her, if shes being destructive send heroutside

You punishment not consistent


Also be sure your daughter is getting enough physical activity. Modern dance classes with improvisation or composition really helped my ADHD and gave me a way to work out my emotions as a teen and as an adult. My son, with ADHD, ODD and more was helped by learning respect and discipline through karate, exhausting football practices for anger and frustration and violin playing and lessons as an outlet for his emotions.

My daughter gained confidence through karate and a great Girl Scout troop with lots of adventure (cold weather camping, hiking challenging trails, robotics badge, shooting at a gun range, horseback riding—the latter two might have fees and require payments or fund raising). Or Boys & Girls Clubs or religious institution youth groups, 4-H can be good outlets too—whatever you have in your area.

If your group is insipid or focused on girly stuff only, ask to take charge of some programming. Look for accomplished women and men (preferably of color, differently abled or minority or others who triumphed over adversity) who can guest teach cool stuff.

Contact trade associations to find accomplished women in your area who could bring activities for the girls to try and/or stuff to touch. Be sure the person brings more than enough supplies for all the participants if doing an activity. Meteorologists, geneticists, triathletes, astronomers, military specialists (think bomb defusing, camouflage/stealth techniques, whatever might be intriguing vs just what it’s like to serve), nutritionists, writers, road worker supervisor, banker, lawyer, doctor, professor, naturalist, birder, park ranger, woodworker, plumber, computer coder, etc., especially those in STEM fields. Look for notable women or girls mentioned in local news or those receiving awards. If the person you’re asking can’t do it, ask them for contact info on someone else they’d recommend. Ask accomplished parents in the group if they could present or know someone who could. Networking works!

See how many badge or other qualifications you can knock out at once, and steer the presenter towards fulfilling the requirements in her/his presentation, and see what you can do to qualify for higher honors, certificates, or recognition (gold award, Junior Ranger, etc.). No sales or promotional pitches/offers allowed, though parents and kids can ask about goods and services after the troop meeting. You can invite other local troops/groups to participate and encourage them to collaborate with your group on exceptional programs, or raise funds for supplies.

During the pandemic look for outdoor activities and other ideas where you can practice social distancing and individual activities.

Try be her parent and not her friend. The mistake i made with my daughter was wanting her to like me and i kept putting her on my level and when it came to discipline i never saw it thru. I would threaten it but never went thru with it. I look back and if i had only just been her mother and not cared about whether or not she liked me. The things she is learning now will be what she will need to use as an adult. Stick to your guns


Considering this very much sounds like a mood disorder some of these comments feel borderline abusive… I would look into getting her a therapist. Try understanding where all of this anger is coming from.

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Welcome to motherhood with a daughter.

Get this book it helps a lot. My daughter wanted to read it with me so she did.


Hormones? Is she due to get her period? Maybe her emotions are getting the better of her and she doesn’t know how to handle things

So my daughter is 8. You need to 1st find a behavioral specialist, talk to her pediatrician about a referral for a psychiatrist. I’m bi polar and about 2 years ago my daughter was diagnosed with ADHD and ASD, put on meds blah blah blah. She did well at 1st, but after finding a psychiatrist who would LISTEN to me, she was diagnosed with Bipolar like me. She takes 1 pill at 7pm and 1 at 7am (for ADHD). Combined with behavioral therapy, and OT she is doing AMAZING. Also karate has helped my daughter

Take away her stuff and earn it back. All of it except the bed.


Sounds like she probably didn’t start out with consequences and structure, starting at a very early age. I suspect a pattern was set in place early on and she still follows it. The only difference now is she is older and bolder.
Be consistent to the tenth power, set her on a strict schedule, stick with punishment given. I would not rule out a spanking or two.
Take her off sugar and processed food.
I would do all of the above before considering any medicine. She is young and still very teachable. Stay strong and fight the good fight, it will be worth it.


Sending <3 I have same issues here …ugh. If you want to message me, I am fine with that just please start it saying who you are because if I don’t know someone and their name pops up I am leary to open it! Hoping it gets better, seems a lot of kids today are the same! There are some that were lucky enough to get the perfect angels but omg these have tried my patience, still love them though!

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If I am her mother I know what to do.Bend or Brake


My daughter acted this way since she was 4. After many years and Drs. She was diagnosed with bipolar at the age of 26. I was at my wits end with no answers and ran out of ideas. I was told she was spoiled she needed a good old fashion whipping ECT… I took her to a therapist which did help her and me. You need to sit her down and talk to her calmly and ask her what’s going on and get her to a therapist. If it is discovered that she has a mental disorder please explain to her not to be ashamed of it. It’s no different than seeking help for a cut or sure throat.


My mom use to whoop our ass it worked

i am same with my daughter aswell

Are you certain she hasn’t been molested ? No amount of punishment will change the behaviour of a child who’s been abused. I would eliminate that possibility first…

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Read the book Raising Lions

Needs a medical assessment to rule out any physical cause then behaviour assessment. She could have oppositional defiance disorder (ODD) but that can only be diagnosed by a family doctor or psychiatrist. Good luck. :heart:

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I have the same issue. My daughter is now 11 and this behavior started when she was around 7 or 8. We literally butt heads almost daily. I’ve tried it all. She’s getting to the age now she would rather hide away in her room drawing or reading so it’s not as bad but seems like anytime she’s out and about in the house, she finds some reason to get whinny/moody and pick a fight. It’s like she’s perfectly fine but as soon as she walks out of her room, a switch flips and she’s a demon spawn and nothing pleases her. I feel you Mama

How do you react? Mirrors Image.


Tough Love. A warning then a time out or previlage lost. It will mean you need to lose fun time also. Do not go back on you word when disciplining. Hope doctors appt goes well.

To many parents are trying to be their children’s friend instead of their parents. That’s where the trouble starts.

She needs dok …and councilor

Ask them about PCIT I guarantee it helps if you commit to it

My daughter not quite 4 she’s the same and we found ptsd, Anxiety, possibly adhd

With school back in session is she having problems in school.? She may also be hanging out with the wrong people.
Make a school day visit.

Try different foods it could be the food she eats.
I have a granddaughter that if she eats certain foods it makes her out of control. So I have found that a lot of the food that is bought at the stores to make it easier is not worth it. Because she gets worse. Fresh fruit not processed and home made sauces also applesauce. Organic meets will help.

Maybe some sensory play to enhance her self regulations …
acknowledge how you can see her feelings as her fir solution on how to change …
For example …to say
I can see your cross ,so how can we change how your feeling ??

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Watch sugar intake, internet and friends… put her in her bedroom with nothing but reading some good books for about a month. She may also be in hormonal changes

Glad you are getting her checked, there could be something physically wrong causing her to act out. If she is ok after that I would seek additional help with behavior. In the mean time keep her safe, loved, and cared for.


At one time I felt like some of these parents. They can’t understand your situation and wouldn’t believe the severity if you tried to explain. My son has oppositional defiance disorder. There is nothing he cares about enough to follow the rules for it! I have taken everything but the bed from him before with no effect. We have done punishment, therapy, everything you would possibly try to do with no real progress. We may do better for a few days then slide right back. I wish you luck in finding real answers and hope you share.


My daughter was EXACTLY the same way. It was awful. We put her in counseling. She has oppositional defiant disorder, anxiety, and adjustment disorder. Counseling helped her so much. She will be 11 tomorrow, and has,just over the last 3-4 months, started to calm down and think about her actions.

Take things away, everything. She must EARN them back. It’s about respect. Stay consistent and she’s also still young enough for a butt whippin.


I hope this will help you and don’t let these doctors tell you it’s going to be ok because it’s not my child was diagnose when she was three and she’s now 28 they told me I have along road ahead of me and she might never. Be able to be on her own they was right still at home.